03x20 - The Somnaviatrix

[bunniefuu]

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[BARKING]

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NARRATOR: One morning, we had two mysteries

at the Convent San Tanco.

The first was that Sister Bertrille

didn't show up for breakfast.

And she knew we were having pancakes.

We discovered the second when the Reverend Mother and I

went to investigate.

[SCREAMS]

Sister Bertrille. What is the matter?

Oh.

I saw these lilies and I thought I was dead.

All right. Who did it?

Not me.

Well, it must have been Sister Sixto

trying to get even for the mouse I put in her guitar.

Sister Bertrille, up.

NARRATOR: But it wasn't Sister Sixto.

There weren't even any lilies like those in our garden.

So the mystery remained a mystery.

But it wouldn't have been

if any of us ad been up at : that night.

We all knew Sister Bertrille could fly

and we all knew she could sleep.

Somehow we never expected her to put the two together

and fly in her sleep.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: We had no idea that among those enjoying

the night air of San Tanco were the trash collectors,

a few burglars and our own Sister Bertrille,

sound asleep.

[GRUNTS]

Okay, Sofia, stop. Stop it.

Oh.

We need one more person to push.

What time is it now?

Almost :.

I don't know what your father is going to say

when he comes right from Mayaguez

and hears that I brought you home as the sun was coming up.

Papa is a sensible, understanding, intelligent man.

And he'll k*ll me.

Yeah, right after he kills me.

Oh.

What am I going to tell my fiancé?

After all, out all night with a man

old enough to be my father.

Sofia, if you don't mind,

I'm old enough to do business with your father

but not to be your father.

And when he hears that man was Carlos Ramirez...

Are you really as awful as everybody says you are?

That's me.

I am surprised my papa trusted you

to drive me home.

Your father has me so tied up

on one of his big business deals

that he knows I wouldn't dare be dishonorable with you.

Let's try again.

[♪♪♪]

[ENGINE REVVING]

Sister Bertrille.

What are you doing here?

I am just here.

Oh, good. You're gonna help me push.

Nah, never mind. I need a tow truck.

Find a telephone for me and call the auto club.

Tell them I'm stuck in the middle of Rosario Road.

Go through the Cordoba farm.

I need a tow truck.

And don't take no for an answer.

If they are not here in minutes, I'll tru--

Sister Bertrille?

Sister Bertrille, where are you?

Carlos.

Carlos, I saw a nun in the rear-view mirror.

But how did she get out here, and where is she now?

Beats me.

[♪♪♪]

Señor Ramirez.

Señor Novello is on his way in, and he is looking like this:

Oh, looks like his pants are too tight.

More like the angry father of a beautiful daughter.

Raoul, this time is different.

This time I am completely innocent.

Oh. Well, that is different.

And believe me, it will look much worse

if a car hadn't passed by and pushed us out.

There you are.

Mr. Novello, it's--

If you so much as touch me, I will consider it an indignity.

My doctor forbids me to lose my temper

or I'd be here with a horse whip.

Just a minute-- And I told you at the party

I was taking the midnight plane to Mayaguez.

I trusted you to bring my Sofia home safely, and you said yes.

When I got home this morning, the housekeeper told me

you get there after in the morning. How dare you?

It was only .

Didn't you realize she was engaged to be married?

She told me-- Ah, but you didn't care.

She's engaged to the son of my dearest friend.

For years we've been hoping against hope

they'd fall in love with each other.

What will my friend say?

What will the son say?

Your disgraceful actions have ruined everything.

I demand an explanation.

Naturally. I offer you a thousand apologies.

We were stuck in a mudhole for three hours.

Aha!

Aha is the truth.

What did she tell you? The same thing.

You got together on your stories.

Mr. Novello, be logical.

Would I risk our beautiful business relationship

for one moment of romance?

Perhaps for all the girl but my Sofia.

But my Sofia combines an exquisite loveliness

with a passionate excitement

that would try the blood of the saint.

Is that not so? Yes, but...

You're not exactly a saint, are you?

Well, not really. So logically...

Mr. Novello, I gave you my solemn word.

I swear on the Bible.

A man would swear to anything for my Sofia.

Oh, boy.

Aha! The trophy collection.

This is where you display the butterflies

that you've captured, huh?

This is where you would put my So--

Or are you going to put her in here, huh?

Mr. Novello, just a moment.

I have a witness to our predicament last night.

Would you believe the word of a nun?

BERTRILLE: Okay, Horatio, now, beg.

You know. I taught you how to do it yesterday.

Come on, beg.

Like this...

[PANTING]

[WHIMPERS]

No, not play dead. Beg.

Play dead doesn't sound anything like beg.

Or does it? [KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

Oh, Sister Bertrille. Am I glad to see you.

How come? What's wrong? What do you mean by that?

I don't know, but every time you see me,

you always say, "Please, Sister, whatever it is,

the answer is no, no."

You do a very funny imitation of me, Sister.

Imitations. You wanna see something fantastic?

Watch this.

Okay, boy, play dead.

Play dead.

That's beg. Yeah. Well, he'll be great

once he gets a hearing aid.

All right. Sister, let's go to the car.

Oh. Well, where are we going? The father of the girl

I was with last night, he's furious at me

because I drove her home at : in the morning.

I'd like you to tell him what happened.

Well-- How do I know what happened?

And don't tell me.

You know, the mudhole.

Heh. Maybe I'm just not tracking but you say "the mudhole"

as if it were some mutual friend of ours or something.

But you saw me trying to push the car out of it

at : this morning.

BERTRILLE: Carlos, you want me to tell him

you were stuck in a mudhole last night

and that I saw you there?

Of course, let's go. Well, wait a minute, Carlos.

You know I'd do anything for you,

but I'm a nun. I can't tell a lie like that.

I see you are in playful mood, but this is not funny.

Who's laughing?

Not the father of the girl.

He's Antonio Novello,

and he owns the banks, the tobacco warehouses.

He can snap me between his fingers like this.

Ew. Don't do that.

I can't tell him I was there if I wasn't.

But you were. You know you were.

Oh, come on, Carlos.

I went to bed at : last night,

and got up about quarter to .

CARLOS: And you deny seeing me last night?

I most certainly do.

I do not believe this.

Well, I don't believe it either.

I mean, using a nun to get yourself out of a jam.

It's unbelievable. And it's not like you.

I don't know why you deny a simple request like this.

But this is a miserable,

unchristian way to treat a friend.

Well, I-- I've had it with you.

Our friendship is over! I--

And I don't want to see you again.

And if you ever come into my casino again asking for charity,

I will have you thrown out for fraud.

Gee.

Sister Bertrille,

I'm afraid that we could not help but overhear,

and I was surprised

that Señor Ramirez asked you to lie for him.

I know. I tell you, I just about slugged him.

Sister Bertrille. I know, but still--

We know that basically Señor Ramirez

is a wonderful, warm and understanding...

[ENGINE REVS] [TIRES SQUEALING]

Not to mention angry man.

Well?

The Sister was not at the convent.

Perhaps tomorrow. Ha!

Tomorrow you'll probably produce one of these girls

in a rented nun's costume.

Mr. Novello, the Sister was at the road.

I swear on the heads of my future children.

How charming. Look. I don't want to be unnecessarily insulting,

but it's obvious, your story is a fraud.

I want no more dealings with you.

Mr. Novello, our business deal. I'll be ruined.

Heh-heh. Probably.

Paco. I'm sorry to interrupt, sir,

but I'll only be in a moment. Huh.

Carlos Ramirez?

Yes? My name is Paco Lopez.

I have the honor of being engaged to Sofia Novello.

Oh, that's very--

As for you, sir, how could you throw

my fiancée and your daughter into the arms of a man

with his reputation.

I'm breaking off our engagement!

Just what kind of father are you?

I tell you. You're a monster.

Paco, wait!

NARRATOR: Because of his many kindnesses,

we all felt that Carlos was almost

an honorary member of the order.

And the Reverend Mother and I were still worrying about him

late that evening.

[DOOR THUDS]

What-- Is she walking in her sleep.

She's flying in her sleep.

NARRATOR: We tried to wait up for her return,

but by early morning,

we'd both fallen into troubled sleep ourselves.

[♪♪♪]

Ah, what--?

Oh.

Good morning, Sister Bertrille.

Oh.

Oh, good morning, Reverend Mother.

Oh, well, it looks like it's gonna be a love--

What am I doing in your room?

What are you doing in my room?

What am I doing dressed? What is this?

It looks like you pulled out of a dive under a clothesline.

Wait a minute. I don't understand.

What's going on here?

You have been flying.

See, I dreamt that I was flying all over town and...

It was not a dream. You were flying in your sleep.

Yes, you took off from Convent San Tanco International

at : last night.

And you touched down at, um...

Mm, little after .

You mean to tell me

that I've been flying on instruments

for almost six hours?

Ooh. What if the wind d*ed or--?

All those high tension wires and those big tall chimneys.

St. Christopher or no St. Christopher,

somebody up there was with me.

Yes, I'm sure of it.

However, Sister Bertrille,

if you were flying in your sleep last night,

then, undoubtedly, you must have been flying that morning

when you woke up with the lilies.

And therefore you might very well have been flying

in your sleep that night that Señor Ramirez says

that you saw him in the mudhole.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: Sister Bertrille was down at the Casino Carlos

as soon as it was open.

Good morning, Raoul. Goodbye, Sister.

Raoul, I have something very important to tell Carlos.

And if you try and interfere in any way, shape or form

you'll be sorry for the rest of your days.

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Sorry, but I had to lock Raoul out.

That's all right, Sister. Yeah.

It's God's will.

Job was afflicted with boils, I am afflicted with you.

Now, go ahead.

Tell me something to make me feel

more miserable than I am.

Boy, do I owe you an apology.

Boy, do you ever.

I just realized that I was there that night.

Guess what the explanation is.

Oh, you need a contribution for the convent?

Money is a wonderful thing for refreshing the memory.

Carlos, that's horrible. I thought It was horrible

when you refused to tell the truth for me.

I know. But you won't believe what the explanation is.

Oh. You caught the Asian amnesia.

No. I've been flying in my sleep.

Ah, you've been flying in your sleep.

Yes. Some people walk in their sleep,

I fly in my sleep. That's why I didn't remember.

Forgive me for all the terrible things

I thought about you. Oh, that's all right.

We are even. I thought some terrible things about you too.

Heh. You did. Like what?

Never mind. Let's go and see Antonio Novello

and explain what happened. He'll never believe what--

Wait a minute. I can't tell him.

It'll get all around town,

and the convent would be like a circus.

You tell him that you went to see a sick parishioner.

But that's a lie.

Sister Bertrille, can you leave your order

for just a couple of hours

and become an ordinary lying civilian?

No. But I'll think of some way of bending the truth

without breaking it. Okay.

Well, you see, I just happened to be

traveling along in my sleep,

and I came across Sofia and Carlos stuck in a mudhole.

Sister Bertrille, I'm going to pin you to the wall.

I don't trust this friendly approach.

If you were sleepwalking,

how did you manage to see Carlos' car.

Well, it was kind of like in a dream.

Of course. How logical.

How stupid of me to doubt even for a fraction of a second.

As for the distance, it's a muddy miles to there

from the Convent San Tanco and miles back.

[CHUCKLES]

Did anyone ever tell you you have a ghastly smile?

A mere -mile stroll, night, on a bad road.

And now tell me that you're the Olympic walking champion,

you won a gold medal in Mexico City,

and that you do this every night so you can get a good workout

and still not lose a night's sleep.

We need lawyers. Now, I'm gonna call the convent

to find out what time you got up, you went to bed.

I'm guessing we've established a new world championship.

I wanna be the first to congratulate you.

Stop-- Can you excuse us for a moment?

Sister Bertrille, you have to tell him.

I can't.

You have a moral responsibility

to clear the name of an innocent man.

What's innocent about you?

Sister Bertrille, if you don't speak up now,

it will be a sin of omission.

Thinking up new stories to try out on me?

Mr. Novello, you have to give me your word

that you won't reveal any of what I'm going to tell you.

I can't wait. You have my promise.

Swell.

Well, you see I can fly.

You know, fly.

Fly?

I really can.

Can I? Yes. I saw her many times.

I saw her that night.

Yes. And this particular night, I have been flying in my sleep.

Do you understand?

Goes over like a Led Zeppelin.

Well, I can see I better show you.

Come on.

You will not believe this.

You bet I won't.

Prepare yourself for a big surprise.

Sister! Sister.

She actually can fly.

Yeah, but I need a little breeze,

and there wasn't any.

I understand.

I have an aunt who can fly.

Really? Really?

Yes, she is a Boeing .

And she's been h*jacked in Cuba three times.

We've had enough fun now. The street is over there.

And Señor Ramirez, consider yourself bankrupt.

Mr. Novello, I've done nothing.

Nothing except waste a lot of my valuable time.

And as for you, Sister, I'm gonna report you

to the ecclesiastical authorities.

That was one of my shortest flights.

It's all right, Sister. It doesn't make any difference.

As soon as I take you back to the car,

I'm going to drive off the nearest cliff.

No, Carlos, quit feeling sorry for yourself.

You heard him. He's going to ruin me.

Yes, but all you need for a fresh start

is a pair of dice and a deck of cards.

It's Sofia and Paco I'm worried about.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MOTHER REVEREND: Come in.

Ah.

Reverend Mother. I am Antonio Novello

and this is my daughter Sofia. How do you do?

Sister Bertrille has mentioned you.

Oh, you meant to say there is a nun called Sister Bertrille.

I told you so.

Of course. Shall I call her?

No, no, please don't.

But are you aware, Reverend Mother,

that she is something of a nut?

Papa.

Heh. Well, that depends

on one's definition of a nuttiness.

Some people call anyone who disagrees with them a nut.

Personally, I make it a rule not to judge

the extent of another person's nuttiness.

Well, she claims...

No. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it.

What would you say, Reverend Mother,

if I told you that I could fly like this.

Oh, Papa, what is the difference how she got there?

I saw her.

But Sister Bertrille claims that she...

That she...

walks in her sleep.

Señor Novello,

what right have you to doubt her word?

Anyone who says that she... Argh.

I have seen her walk in her sleep.

Do you doubt my word?

Not at the moment.

And I think that you should learn

to trust your daughter's word.

Thank you. Well, I do trust her.

It's Carlos I don't trust.

Paco, I'm Sister Bertrille. Carlos' friend.

Yes. Well, I told you that on the phone.

Won't you come this way? I'd like to really...

I don't know why I came here.

I look ridiculous enough as it is.

My fiancée out all night with a swinger like Carlos.

I'll tell you why you're here. You'd like to believe

I did see their car stuck in a mudhole.

Yeah.

But what were you doing there : in the morning?

You have to promise not to tell anyone about this.

About what? Well, you're gonna see something

that very few people have seen,

and it'll explain a lot.

But you have to promise not to tell a single soul.

Okay. What is it?

Yeah. Well, if this doesn't work,

I'm a dead pelican.

[♪♪♪]

Sister...

you're airborne.

You're flying.

Isn't it fantastic?

This is how I got out to where the car was stuck.

Fantastic.

Reverend Mother, that nun does not enhance

the reputation of this convent.

And may I add, I have a number of influential friends

around in the area... Señor Novello,

I have a number of influential friends up there.

[♪♪♪]

Señor Novello.

Why do we not continue our discussion

under more pleasant surroundings? Sofia.

Our garden is right outside. Why don't we go out?

If you insist.

[♪♪♪]

Yeah, I see what happened.

How do you do it? Well, you see I'm very light,

and it turns out that the aspect ratio of my habit,

plus the way my headdress directs the airflow over it,

it creates a very efficient high-lift, low-drag airfoil

when there's a breeze blowing. Crazy.

Heh. Yeah. Well, now that you know

the whole thing was innocent, what about Sofia and her father?

They're in there talking to the Reverend Mother.

Oh. Leave this to me, Sister,

I just know how to do this things.

Okay.

Sofia. Paco.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Señor Novello, um...

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

You may call it soul searching.

And I've been talking things over with Sister Bertrille,

who has a very good mind. Oh. Thank you.

I keep coming to the same conclusion.

Darling, no matter how ridiculous

and outlandish the explanations,

no matter what happened, or didn't happen,

the only fact is that I love you.

And I always will.

Paco, what a fine, intelligent, forgiving attitude.

I can't tell you how proud I'll be

to have you for a son-in-law.

Thank you, sir.

[MOUTHING] Carlos. To forgive Carlos.

And, uh...

And I hope you take the same forgiving attitude

so I'll feel equally proud of you.

Well, I'll straighten things up with Carlos.

And, Sofia, please forgive me.

Oh, of course, Papa.

[CHUCKLES]

And, Sister, how could I ever doubt you?

Thank you, I guess. Heh.

Reverend Mother.

Señor Novello.

Oh. I will pray for you

and your wonderful imagination, Sister,

and hope that very soon

you will have a complete recovery.

That was nicest apology I never got.

[♪♪♪]

NARRATOR: We tried everything including anchors

to keep Sister Bertrille from sleep-flying.

But finally, we had to set watches on her.

Then one midnight,

the Reverend Mother solved the problem.

Everything's fine.

I'll take the graveyard shift,

and Sister Sixto will relieve me after eight bells.

Good. She hasn't moved once.

Maybe she's over it.

Aah. Oh. Oh.

Oh! Ooh.

Ow! Ow!

REVEREND MOTHER: Sister Bertrille.

[CHUCKLES]

I guess I was--

Sister Bertrille.

Yes, Reverend Mother.

I forbid you to do any more sleep-flying.

Is that clear?

Yes, Reverend Mother.

[SIGHS]

Very well.

I think that just might do it.

NARRATOR: And sure enough, it did.

[♪♪♪]