04x23 - Side-Kicking and Screaming

[bunniefuu]

- Ha, Phoebs, did you see how I stopped

that runaway refrigerator?

- It was on wheels and way lighter

than the piano I stopped, but great job.

Not bad for morning saves.

- Wait! Phoebe, it's dinnertime.

- Max, for the last time, you have to look at the little hand,

not the--oh my gosh, it's dinnertime!

I had so much stuff I was supposed to do today.

- Me, too.

- I have a history project to do.

And I have to find an outfit for the spring fling dance.

And I have got to sew a pocket into my cape,

because this isn't working out.

- Ever since we stepped up our game to impress

the Z Force, there's just not enough time to do everything.

- I know, I still have to-- - Quiet, Phoebe,

no one likes a complainer.

- Hey, kids, how are you? - Hungry.

- Hello, sandwiches.

- Get your fingers off the finger foods!

- Ow!

- What's with Sergeant Slap Hands?

- This was our old sidekick, Assista Boy.

- We told you tons of stories about him.

- Oh, this is gonna be awkward,

but we never listen to your stories.

- He's currently between heroes, and came by to say hello.

- Well, actually, Electra's called me

to snake out the toilet.

I haven't taken care of a Thunder clog in years.

- You work miracles.

- Golly gee, Thunder Twins,

I hear that you two are Z Force contenders.

I bet you're gonna be great heroes just like your parents.

- Not today, pickle. - Oh.

How do I function without you?

[laughs]

- The only reason we were able to save the world

is because you took care of everything else.

- Yeah, he filed our paperwork, cleaned our super suits.

He even trimmed your dad's nose hairs.

- Mm-hmm.

- Speaking of which, lot of hay in the barn.

- Oh.

- I exist...to assist!

- [motor running]

- Whooo! - [sniffs]

I can breathe again!

- Oh, I almost forgot.

I have presents for my favorite supes.

- Oh.

- Being helpful!

- Wait, so he just loves doing things for you?

- Yes.

- And he's looking for a new job?

- Yes.

- BOTH: We need him as our sidekick!

- BOTH: No!

- I stopped listening again, did they say yes?

- I think they did!

- No!

To have a sidekick means you two would have to share.

And sharing brings out the worst in you.

- Since when?

- It's mine! - No, it's mine!

- [cracks]

- It's mine! - No, it's mine!

- [snaps]

- It's mine! - No, it's mine!

- [crash]

- Still waiting for you to make your point.

- Sorry, guys, in order for you to get a sidekick,

you need us to sign a Hero League permission slip.

- Sorry, guys, in order for you to get a sidekick,

you need us to sign a Hero League permission slip.

I'm just repeating what he says in case you didn't listen.

- Thunder back!

I'm back with your gifts.

- Oh, whoa, Assista Boy!

[gasps] A day at the spa?

- Not just any spa.

The Metroburg Super Spa.

Relax while you wax.

- This is too much.

- Yeah, you're not even our sidekick anymore.

- Mm, but if you refuse my gifts,

it would turn me into a sad monster.

- Oh, whoa, no, nobody wants that.

- We happily accept.

In fact, let's book our spa day right now.

- No, I'll call for you.

If you don't get Cindy, it's a waste of a day.

- It's not fair!

Assista Boy could solve all our problems.

We need him as our sidekick.

- [mumbling] And he will be.

- What?

- I said, "And he will be."

'Cause I'm totally gonna get Mom and Dad to sign

that sidekick permission slip.

- What makes you think that'll work?

Oh, just tell me when you're done eating!

- ♪

- Ladybug candy bars for sale!

Will you guys buy some?

- Sorry, but we're not allowed to take candy from strangers.

- Billy, it's Chloe.

- I know, I just don't have any money.

- I'm the only one in my troop who doesn't

have a sweet tooth badge.

I'll never get it.

- How many customers have you had?

- Just one.

- [humming]

- Hank! You can't bring a bunch of chocolate to the spa.

- It relaxes me.

- It's gonna melt in the sauna.

- Barb, you are just making it sound better.

- Alright, kids, we're off to the Metroburg Super Spa,

so we'll see you later.

- Thunderman, getting pampered!

- Billy, we have to help our little sister

sell her candy bars. It's our duty.

- [laughs] You said doodie.

- [buzzer sounds]

- What?

- Don't worry, Chloe, we're gonna make sure you sell

your candy bars so you can earn that sweet tooth badge.

- You're gonna help me?

- Of course.

Now, your first problem is location.

Right, Billy?

- [laughs]

I'm still laughing at doodie.

[laughs]

- In the meantime, let's find a place where people

are so desperate for food that they'll eat anything.

- Doodie-ville!

- No, Splatburger.

- Splatburger!

- ♪

- Okay, I have minutes to build a model London Bridge

for my history project.

Ah, fish and chips!

- Phoebe, I have a surprise for you.

Come in!

- I exist to assist! - Ha!

- Queen's crown, London Bridge has fallen down!

- You did it!

How did you get Mom and Dad to sign the permission slip?

- Wasn't easy. I confronted them in the fancy spa

and explained how we're mature, hardworking supes

who can totally share a sidekick.

- I can't believe that worked.

- It didn't, so I forged their signatures.

- ♪

♪ What you see is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in, bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ Because we're living our lives just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ♪

♪ But closer you might see the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe

♪ It's our reality

♪ Just your average family trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble

♪ Living a double life ♪

- You faked Mom and Dad's signatures?

We can't have an unauthorized sidekick!

- But he's an amazing unauthorized sidekick!

- Mom and Dad are gonna ground us for life.

- Okay, the only reason why Mom and Dad won't let us have

a sidekick is because they think we can't share.

But we can prove them wrong by sharing Assista Boy.

- Wait, why is he Assista Boy?

He's clearly a man.

- Stay on track, Phoebe.

If we pull this off, we can keep him as our sidekick forever.

- It's too risky, Max.

I'm just gonna tell him he has to go.

- [scoffs]

- Homework's complete.

Time for a treat. - [bell rings]

- I made brownies.

- Oh, he's never leaving.

- Right.

- ♪

- Thanks! Have a nice day!

Cha-ching!

- I knew she just needed to be where people could see her.

Nobody with a heart can resist an adorable little girl.

- Stop stealing my customers, you diaper dork!

- Come on, Mrs. Wong, just let her sell her candy,

and then we'll leave.

- If I let her stay, then tomorrow

the gator scouts will show up.

Soon, everyone's eating candy bars

and not my overpriced food!

Everything on this side of that burger is my property!

So get lost!

- You're right, we'll leave.

- So long, losers.

Wait! Why'd you losers stop?

- 'Cause now we're not on your property.

- Yeah!

I don't know what's happening.

- Everything on this side of that burger is public property,

which means Chloe can sell her candy bars,

and you can't do anything about it.

- Yeah!

- You win this round.

But you'll never make a fool of Olympia Wong again!

- [bang] - Oh!

You didn't see that.

- ♪

- Just when you think the place is clean, he finds new dirt.

- He is the greatest thing to ever happen to this lair.

- I'm in the room!

- [guitar strings plays] - [hums]

All done.

You've...been assisted!

- Uh, Assista Boy, I hate to be that guy,

but the slide could use a polish.

- I can't resist... the need to assist.

- Did he just--

- Yes, he just flew up the slide.

- He's fantastic.

I mean, earlier, he got me an outfit

for the spring fling and a date.

Look, I don't even know who this cutie is,

but according to Assista Boy, we're % compatible.

- He can get us dates?

I've just been using him to do my homework,

and laminate my socks for no reason.

- [slide squeaks]

- Slide's polished!

And...I found this inside. - [gasps]

My pan flute!

- Wow.

Wonder how that got jammed under the second rock to the left?

- Max, I missed regionals.

Anyway, Assista Boy, I was gonna go workout,

and I could use an Assista-spotter.

- It would be an honor to witness your fitness.

- Uh, actually, Phoebe,

he needs to find me a date for the spring fling.

- He's been helping you for an hour already.

- So what? Cleaning my filth makes him happy.

- That's not the point. I wanna use him.

- BOTH: No, I do.

- No, me!

- [horn sounds]

- And there goes my hearing.

- Oh, gee, sorry, guys.

But I couldn't risk yelling and losing control of my emotions.

I can sense that you two have a problem sharing.

- No. - Crazy.

- Don't hide your problems from me.

I'm here to fix them with...this.

- "Team share schedule"?

- Bingo. And all the time is perfectly divided

between Hero A and Hero B.

- Alright. I'll be Hero A.

That's what Phoebe would want.

- Uh, no, no, Phoebe don't want.

- Guys, we'll settle this the way I always do.

Assista Boy can't stand a fight, and so he'll choose

and set things right.

Eenie, meanie, moochie moo, Hero A is surely you.

- Yes, ha! I won!

Come on, let's go.

- [claps]

- Oh. Okay. Good idea.

We'll fly up the slide.

Uh, ow! [groans]

I landed on my pan flute!

- ♪

- Thank you.

I make this look easy, baby!

- You're gonna get that sweet tooth badge in no time.

- Yeah, nothing can stop us.

- Get ready for a sugary smackdown from the Wong scouts.

- [whistle blows]

- Oh come on!

- Wong scouts? That's not a thing.

- Oh no? Then why do I have all these badges?

- She's legit.

Badges don't lie. - She's not legit.

Don't worry, Chloe,

those customers will see right through her.

- Candy bars, get your candy bars.

- My candy bars come with a free Splat shake.

- CROWD: [indistinct chatter]

- Hey, she's cheating!

- Don't worry, Chloe.

I'm gonna go over there and give her a piece of my mind.

Yo, Wong!

I'll have one chocolate Wong bar and A free Splat shake.

- Billy, get back here!

- [whispers] Better make that to go.

- ♪

- Ah, Assista Boy, that was one of the best workouts

I've ever had.

Who knew cartwheels could burn so many calories.

- I did.

Now you do.

- Oh, thank you for sewing pockets into my cape.

Do you mind making one for my phone?

- Already did!

- Can I hug you?

- No.

And look, I added a Thunder-tanium shield mode

for added protection.

- ♪

- [metal banging]

- Ah!

Where have you been all my life?

- Mostly Papua New Guinea.

But that's classified.

- Hey, Assista Boy, what are you doing up here?

According to the schedule,

you're supposed to be finding me a date.

- Yeah, I used some of your time,

but you can take some of mine later.

- So it's just okay just to steal my time?

- Technically, I didn't steal it,

I borrowed it without asking.

- Well then, I guess it's okay if I borrow your cape

without asking.

- [gasps] Give me my cape of many pockets.

- Hey, these pockets were made on my time,

which means they belong to me.

- [fabric ripping] - [gasps]

I knew I should have done a cross-stitch.

- My cape.

You ripped a pocket off my cape.

Say goodbye to everything you love!

- [door opens]

- Phoebe!

- [grunts]

- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. - Phoebe, no!

I spent all day watching Assista Boy do that homework.

- Well, watch this.

- [wind blowing]

- No!

- Ha! It's funny,

because he cares about school now.

- Thunder Twins, please don't fight!

- PHOEBE AND MAX: Stay out of this!

- Max, from now on, Assista Boy is my sidekick. Let's go!

- Hey, my sidekick's not going anywhere!

- He's mine! - No, mine!

- If you two don't stop fighting,

I'm gonna turn into a sad monster.

[sobbing]

- Dude, you're a grown man, get it together.

- [growling]

- Change my mind, Max, you can have him.

- ♪

- ASSISTA BOY: [growling]

- Okay, so when Assista Boy gets sad,

he turns into an angry orange monster.

- [growling]

- [crash]

- So glad we're in your room and not mine.

- Okay, we just need to get through to him

before he destroys my lair... and me.

And you, I guess. - [growling]

- Stop! Or I'll be forced to use my powers on you,

and I will show you no mercy.

- [wind blowing]

- [growling]

- Oh, freeze breath doesn't work on you.

Okay, cool.

Guess I'll use my other power.

Running away to call Mom and Dad. Bye!

- [growling]

- Alright, settle down, big guy.

I'm your boss, and I command you to stop being scared!

Don't you take another step.

- [growls]

- Okay, I'll give you that one. Don't take another.

You took it. Don't like, not one bit!

- [growling]

- I don't like this either! Put me down!

- [growling] - [crash]

- I meant put me down gently!

- Phone, phone, where's my phone?

- Uh, uh, don't worry, Phoebe, I was able to get away.

And he's way too big to get up the slide--

- Uh, he put the phone pocket

right where you think it would be.

- [phone beeps]

- MAX: Call Mom and Dad!

- Got it!

- Ah, Assista Boy really knows his spas.

- Guess you have to when sadness turns you into a giant monster.

[laughs]

- Would have been a disaster if we let him be

Max and Phoebe's sidekick.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Could I get another hand, please?

- [phone vibrating]

- ♪

- So call me back before the giant monster manages to destroy

the house and everything in it, including us. Bye!

It's quiet.

Maybe Max calmed him down.

- ASSISTA BOY: [growling]

- Phoebe, do something!

- [glass shattering]

- Don't worry! I'll help you!

- Seriously?

- French doors aren't cheap.

- ♪

- Guys, this is hopeless.

Mrs. Wong is on fire.

- Fire!

- [g*nsh*t]

- CROWD: [cheering]

- Let's just go home.

- No, if badges were easy to get,

they wouldn't be worth anything.

- Yeah. You gotta work for them.

- But how?

- Mrs. Wong may have a candy bar cannon,

but we have something even more powerful.

The tears of a child!

- That doesn't sound fair.

Let's do it!

Oh, why won't anybody buy my candy?

[crying]

- Oh no, this poor little girl is crying

because nobody will buy her candy bars.

- These are actual tears on this actual girl.

- I just wanna be a good scout.

- CROWD: Aw!

- MRS. WONG: Wait! Where are you all going?

I can cry too if I had a heart, or emotions, or a soul.

- That was the last bar!

- We sold out, Chloe!

- I'm gonna get my sweet tooth badge!

- You made me look like a fool again!

I spent $ on that candy bar cannon!

- I know you're mad, Mrs. Wong,

but at least we're getting out of your hair.

- Let's go.

I gotta try this crying thing on my Mommy and Daddy.

- Ah, children are the worst!

[grunts]

- Don't worry, Max, I'm still here to help you.

- [grunts] Wah!

- Your help causes nothing but pain!

- [growling]

- Let's think about this.

He turned into a raging monster because we made him sad.

Maybe we should just try to make him happy.

- Okay. He loves cartwheels. Let's do that.

- Okay.

- Hey, buddy, how 'bout them cartwheels?

- [growling]

- Uh, if a cartwheel is what you want,

then prepare for some razzle daz--ahhhh!

- ♪

- Randy, can you hand me my chocolate bar?

- Hank, he's out of hands.

- Ahhhh!

[moaning]

Have I got something to tell you!

But first...

lay one of those hands on me, will you, Cindy?

- ♪

- [pan flute music plays]

- Phoebe, what are you doing?

- Soothing the savage beast with music.

I call this "Memories of Machu Picchu."

- [pan flute music plays]

- [wood crumbling]

- Well, that's one good thing that came from all this.

- Gotta find a way to make him happy!

I have an idea. - What?

Stop leaving me with him! - [growls]

- Hey, uh, what about impressions?

[in New York accent] I'm a New Yorker.

This subway's late. Forget about it.

- [growling]

- [thud]

- You pan flute made him hate my impression!

- Maybe it'll make him happy if we tell him how much

we appreciate him.

Assista Boy, I love the cape you made me.

Oh!

See? The shield mode protects me

from the things you're lopping at my head. Oooh!

- [growling]

- Whoa!

- Get over here and hide behind my cape.

- [growls] - Ah!

- My bad, here, take this corner, I'll take this one.

We'll share it. - Good idea.

- [glass shatters]

- Wow, we're actually sharing something for the first time?

- I guess so. At least we did it once in our life

before we're crushed by a rampaging monster!

- ASSISTA BOY: Oh, bravo, Thunder Twins!

- PHOEBE AND MAX: Assista Boy?

- Phew!

Ah, golly, Thunder Twins, you two made me pretty sad.

But seeing you share that cape made me happy again.

- Guess we never would have learned all

this if you hadn't tried to smash us with yard junk,

so thanks, Assista Boy.

How 'bout that hug?

- [chuckles] How 'bout no? - Okay.

- How 'bout we ground you guys?

- We would have been here sooner, but somebody

wouldn't tell us what was going on until after his massage.

- Worth it!

- We're so sorry about all this, Assista Boy.

Even if we were allowed to have a sidekick,

we wouldn't deserve you.

- Yeah. We're gonna miss you, big guy.

I mean, not the big guy,

the little guy who likes to clean.

- [chuckles] I'm gonna miss you guys, too.

I mean, when I think of our time together,

it turns me into a little bit of a sad monster.

[sobbing]

- PHOEBE AND MAX: Not again!

- I couldn't resist.

- ALL: [laughing]

- ♪

♪♪