Love Type D (2019)

[bunniefuu]

Three-point-eight seconds.

That"s how often you think

about the other person

when you fall in love.

It"s a lot, isn't it?

They say it"s to do

with chemicals.

That rush of endorphins you get

every time

they send you an emoticon.

I met Thomas a year ago today

on the Piccadilly line.

I was getting dumped

by some idiot

and Thomas overheard.

He was so sweet and kind

and he made me feel better.

And I just knew immediately

that he was the one

I had been searching for.

Frankie?

- Yes?

- I"m Wilbur Asquith-Lacey.

Thomas" brother.

I didn"t know

Thomas had a brother.

Half brother.

We share a father.

Okay. Um...

It"s lovely to meet you.

What a surprise.

You can tell me

all the secrets about Thomas

before he gets here.

Oh, excuse me!

Could we get another

place made up, please?

- We"re going to be three.

- Oh, I"m not staying.

I just came to give you

a message from Thomas.

He"s sorry

he couldn"t come himself.

And he didn"t want to call

or send a text message.

And I still owed him a favor

from when he let me

borrow his tent.

He wanted me to tell you

that you"re a lovely person.

Oh, well, that"s very nice.

Thank you.

But, um, you see,

he"s a bit tied up at the moment

and he"s got

a lot of work and things,

so he can"t make it to lunch.

And, um, he"s not really looking

for a relationship right now.

- What?

- He wanted me to make it clear

that it"s nothing to do

with you personally.

So Thomas sent you here

to break up with me?

Yes.

Right.

Oh, uh, you needn"t worry

about that.

It"s just going to be one.

Only one?

Yes.

What...?

Um, what kind of a grown man

sends a 10-year-old child...

I"m 11, actually.

Twelve in October.

So, what, you... You dump

all his girlfriends, do you?

Oh, no. This is the first time.

Well, I"d better be going.

I"m late for an oboe lesson.

Did he give a reason?

Not as far as I recall.

We talked mainly about the tent.

There was a small hole,

and Thomas was

quite angry about it.

Bon apptit.

You know what?

You are a real w*nk*r.

And a coward.

If you wanna break up with me,

then you can do it face to face.

Thomas.

Open the door!

Henry! Henry!

Have you seen Thomas today?

No. We thought he was with you.

He was supposed to be,

but he broke up with me.

He didn"t do it himself.

He sent a relative.

Uh, yes.

Thomas" brother!

Thomas" brother?

I need to talk to you!

Sorry.

Are those things for Thomas?

I"m a qualified first aider,

in case you"re in need

of assistance.

You knew and you didn"t tell me.

How long has he known her?

Um, since Wednesday, I believe.

What, as in four days ago?

Yes.

Where did he meet her?

He was doing some work

which involved NASA.

NASA? Yes. She"s an astronaut.

What, she actually

goes into space and things?

Yes.

I can"t believe

this is happening again!

I thought that this was my year!

There are six months left.

Yeah. Yeah, but I need

more than six months.

Six months is

quite a long time, you know.

I mean, Christopher Columbus

discovered the Bahamas,

Cuba and the Dominican Republic

in four.

So in six months,

you could discover

four and a half countries.

I don"t want

to discover any countries.

Did he...? Did he say anything?

Did he mention me at all?

No. Not... Not really.

You"d better

get back to the party.

Hold on.

What if the reason

why Thomas broke up with you

had nothing to do with Cecilia?

It could be because

you"re in the dumpee category.

- The what?

- These geneticists

did an interesting study.

I read about it the other day.

Come on, guys.

They found

that people can be split

into two categories,

dumpers and dumpees.

- We need to go now.

- Everyone in the dumpee category,

well, they always get dumped.

Don"t tell anyone, but four

people are getting sacked.

What?

Amanda told me

at the water cooler.

They"re downsizing

the department.

- Who?

- I suppose they do

some kind of performance chart

or something.

And the ones on the bottom...

Frankie, get me a coffee

and come to my office.

Two minutes, yeah?

- You wanted to see me.

- Yeah.

Uh, this is John,

the new intern.

I want you

to show him around, okay?

How to use the photocopier,

stuff like that.

Off you pop.

Well, this is such a

great opportunity, so...

Um, did Marianne want this

one-sided or double-sided?

Well,

she"s a climate-change denier,

so one-sided should be fine.

If someone has to get sacked,

it should be Malcolm.

If he gets sacked, he might

go jump off Westminster Bridge.

He"s been on antidepressants

since his wife left him.

He won"t find

another job at his age.

Well, then, Andy. It has to be Andy.

You remember that time

he spent the whole week

living

in the stationery cupboard.

Ah, but, poor lamb,

his girlfriend accidentally

hit him with her car

and then dumped him

in the ambulance.

And Jenny.

- She"s gone through enough.

- No, can"t be Jenny.

Her husband leaving her when

she was five months pregnant.

Your boyfriends before Trevor,

did they break up with you

or did you break up with them?

I suppose they broke up with me.

Apart from the Italian.

He just didn"t

show up at the airport

when I arrived with my stuff,

having quit my job

to move there and be with him.

Hello.

Hi.

Um, Malcolm?

Mm?

Before you married Sue,

your other girlfriends,

did they dump you as well?

What? What are you asking

me that for?

I"m just doing a survey for HR.

HR?

Why do HR want to know?

Um, you know,

to, uh, help evaluate

people"s work performance.

What, do they not think

I"m performing well?

No.

No?

Um, so...

have you ever

broken up with anyone?

Well... no.

But that doesn"t impact

on my ability to do my job.

No, of course not.

How many times in your life

have you been dumped?

What?

It"s, um... It's odd, I know,

uh, but everyone in the office

is going to have to answer it.

Uh, no, not many.

Well, Elliott, obviously.

He wants to bring

his new girlfriend to the birth.

I haven"t said no, 'cause

I don"t want to be the bad guy.

He says it would be

really healing for me,

to see his love, you know?

Give me hope that there

might be some in my future.

How many, um...

- girlfriends?

- Mm-hmm.

Six fiances.

All of them left me.

Ooh, loads.

I"ve had loads of girls.

Write that down.

Does it count if I knew

we were going out,

but she didn"t?

No.

No. Two.

- Did they end it with you?

- Nah, nah. No.

No way. I end it with them!

Well, what about Trisha?

She broke up with you

at the Christmas party.

There"s something

you need to know, okay?

Trisha is a bitch.

I"ll keep

this, uh, su1c1de note,

but, um, I just think

you need to sort out

some therapy for Jonathan,

because, uh,

it"s definitely over.

Michael, broke up with him

because of the shoes.

Tyrone, yeah, cried.

Cried too much at films.

Broke up with him.

Derek, had to break up with

him, my mom didn"t like him.

I"m getting remarried.

Yeah, he"s a concert pianist.

Yeah. Yeah, gorgeous.

Yeah. Yeah,

like textbook gorgeous.

In fact, he is actually

in a textbook

that plastic surgeons use.

Yeah, for, like,

the perfect nose.

So there are two categories of people.

And I"m in the wrong one.

I"ve been dumped the third

most times in the office.

Ever since I was 12

and I first fell in love,

things kept turning out badly.

It was 2005,

and I had been voted

most likely to succeed, age 12.

And then Gary Wild was

transferred to our school.

He was reckless and dangerous

in a way that other

12-year-old boys were not.

The four and a half days

we went out

were the happiest in my life.

And then Gary asked me

to run away with him.

We"ll travel round the country.

It"ll be the trip of a lifetime.

But my dinner"s going to be

ready in an hour

and I"ve got a flute lesson

tomorrow morning.

I need more notice

to run away spontaneously, Gary.

You"re dumped.

- What?

- And you"re uninvited.

This was gonna be

the best trip ever.

And you"re gonna miss out.

But, Gary...

Don"t expect a postcard

because I wont send one.

You"re going to regret this.

Gary!

Gary!

And I did regret it.

All these years, I wished

I"d had the courage to go.

Maybe things in my life would

have turned out differently.

Thomas" brother!

Thomas" brother!

I have been blessed

with my own form of address.

- What"s your name again?

- Wilbur.

Have you seen Thomas today?

I can"t divulge that,

I"m afraid.

Why not?

I"m under strict instructions

not to speak to you.

Not to speak to me?

What, Thomas told you

not to speak to me?

Yes. Goodbye.

Well, why did he tell you

not to speak to me?

What else did he say?

Has he expressed any regret

- at breaking up with me?

- Uh, no. No.

Did he say anything else?

He said I have to pick up

his dry cleaning for two weeks

as a punishment

for botching the task.

- That"s unbelievable.

- It"ll be four weeks

if he finds out

I"ve spoken to you.

I don"t want

to get you in trouble.

I wanted to ask you a question

about that study you mentioned

with the categories of people.

It"s genetic,

which category you"re in.

- What?

- These scientists,

they studied thousands of

couples over a period of years.

And they could predict

with 100 percent accuracy

who would terminate

the relationship.

No.

Yes.

All the individuals

who got dumped

had an active gene ACDN7.

And you think I have this gene,

the dumpee one?

It was just a speculation.

How come no one else

has heard about it?

They will hear about it,

soon enough.

The paper"s going to be

published in...

Scientist Today.

Well, this paper,

could I read it then?

Oh, no, no, no.

No space sherbets.

I don"t like them.

I lent it to Barnaby, along

with a very interesting study

- on the honeybee.

- Sorry, who"s Barnaby?

Excuse me.

The, uh, scientific paper

on relationships?

I"d like to read it

if you"ve finished with it.

Those papers

I lent you a week ago.

Orchestra practice starts in ten minutes.

If he "s going to dump you,

wouldn"t you rather know now?

Instead of waiting three years

and paying his share of the rent

while he"s in grad school.

Your time is precious.

That"s why at Epigenica

we offer the first and only

100 percent accurate

Type D test.

Using state-of-the-art

technology, this test detects

the presence of the D-type gene

So if you"re suffering

from chronic rejection

and heartbreak,

book your appointment today.

Hello.

I"m here for an appointment.

Fill that out and come back.

Waiting room D.

Down the hall on the right.

Please take a seat.

We"re about to begin.

Hello, everyone.

My name is Dr. Elsa Blomgren,

and I"m thrilled to be here

with you today.

I know a lot of you

feel like losers.

Well, I am here for you.

You"ve often felt

disappointed with life.

You try not to get too excited

when something good

happens to you,

because you know it won"t last.

And you"ve never won a contest

or a board game

or even a scratch card.

Every single person with whom

you"ve fallen in love

has left you.

Even your childhood pet

ran away.

Testing positive

is nothing to be scared of.

In study after study, Epigenica

patented hobby therapy

has been proven to release

the same endorphins as sex.

Although it may seem daunting

never to date again,

95 percent of patients

say their quality of life

has improved drastically with

celibacy and hobby therapy.

Sorry, madam, I need

to ask you to step outside.

Your card was declined.

You can"t be in that room.

I was told to go in there

by the lady at the desk.

That may be,

but this isn"t a charity.

It"s a private

research facility.

If you can"t afford the

therapy, you can"t be tested.

This is Epigenica, the world

leader in Type D testing.

Oh, yes, hello.

Um, my name is Martha,

and I"m calling

from Scientist Today.

Uh, I would like to talk

to Dr. Elsa Blomgren

or Dr. Richard Breakwell.

One moment please.

- This is Dr. Elsa Blomgren.

- Yes, hello.

My name is, uh, Martha

from Scientist Today.

We"re very excited

about your, um... Your study,

and we would like to run

a human-interest piece

in our magazine

with your paper alongside it.

And we were thinking

that maybe, um, a journalist

could be tested for these genes.

Actually, could... Could we make

that a couple of journalists?

We can probably

accommodate that.

Okay, great! Um, great.

Oh! Oh!

Frankie! Frankie!

You"ll never guess

what happened last night.

I went for a drink

with that intern.

You know, the sexy one.

Well, he ended up

staying the night.

It was amazing!

Oh, my God, here he is now!

Do I look all right?

- Yes, you look great.

- Okay.

Oh.

Come with me.

I think John the intern

just blanked you

because of a medical condition

that you have.

My eczema?

This is something completely

different. It"s something...

I think I might have too.

It"s kind of, um,

a gene that means

that we will always

and forever be dumped.

A gene that makes us get dumped.

God!

I thought you were

being serious.

I am serious. Just think

about it for a minute.

I mean, there are

people in life, right,

who are successful in every

single area of their life

again and again and again,

and then there are

people like us.

It"s not luck or chance

or anything like that.

I think it"s this gene.

- I... I don"t know about this.

- Deb, we"ll do it together.

Put this end on your finger.

And then push the other end.

One, two, three,

Ouch!

- You okay?

- Stings.

You have tested positive

for the Type D gene.

The dumpee gene.

We have the dumpee gene.

Thomas!

Frankie, hi.

How are you?

- I"m okay.

- Listen,

I should have been

in contact sooner.

And I"m really glad

you"re here today

for this chance meeting.

You are?

Yes.

I want to say sorry to you.

I never wanted to hurt you

or anything like that.

And I do still

really care about you.

Thank you for your apology.

I, um...

I wanted to see you today,

because I"ve come across

some information about myself.

It"s, um, medical information,

and I think

it explains quite a lot.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

Do I need to get tested?

Oh, no. No, no. It"s nothing...

Nothing like that.

- Oh. Good.

- No, it"s information

that suggests maybe you didn"t

want to break up with me

but you were forced to

by factors beyond your control.

Frankie, you are

a wonderful woman.

One day you"ll make

somebody very happy,

but that will not be me.

I do not deserve you. Now, I...

- I really have to be somewhere.

- No, no.

If you could just give

me five... Five more minutes.

I have to... Sorry.

There are certain breakups

that stick in your mind

because of their traumatic,

dreadful nature.

There are certain people

that even after years

you wouldn"t wanna run into.

And one of those people

was Oliver.

Oliver was so creative

and very open

about his feelings.

We"d talk for hours.

We went out for five months,

which was a record

at our school.

Oliver used to love

making up little songs.

And when he told me

he"d written one for me,

I was so excited.

Frankie

Your face is beautiful

And your eyes put me

In the biggest trance

You"ve been on my mind

Till last Thursday

Which is

Oh, when I saw you dance

You"ve got two left feet

No sense of b*at

You make me

Want to go retreat

Your mom"s your chaperone

Hanging round like

An old Toblerone

But do I care about

Any stupid things like that?

Yeah.

I could do better than you

So much better

Plenty more fish in the sea

For me

I could do better than you

A chunk of cheddar will do

A slice of bread with cheese

And pickles better than you

I liked you last week

But I don"t like you now

I could do better than you

So much better

Plenty more fish in the sea

For me...

The song went viral.

Four million people

watched Oliver"s rendition

of "Goodbye Frankie," including

all the kids at my school.

...now

It was awful.

Hello.

If you see a white mouse,

please let me know immediately.

Barnaby left the cage door open,

and all the subjects

for the experiment escaped.

- I need to speak to you.

- I"m not really supposed to be

speaking to you.

I did inform you before.

That is ridiculous. But anyway,

look, this is very important.

That gene you mentioned,

well, I got tested,

and you"re right,

I tested positive.

- How did you get tested?

- I called up the scientists

and pretended

to be a journalist.

And then...

Then they sent me these.

What am I supposed to do?

I mean, what"s the point

of going out with someone

if you know how it"s gonna end?

And the scientists

say there"s no cure.

They just recommend

celibacy and hobby therapy.

I don"t want to be

in this category.

I wanna be in the other category

of people in life.

- Hello?

- It"s an emergency.

Uh, yes, I"m on my way.

Marianne needs a yogurt.

Uh, can you come

to an emergency meeting?

Right now.

An emergency meeting for what?

Debra"s told us about some gene

she thinks we might all have

- that affects our love lives?

- I only told two of them.

Then they blabbed.

I haven"t got the loser gene.

Some of youse might have it.

- Deepak definitely has it.

- I don"t have it!

In fact,

there"s a few more journalists

who would like to be tested

and then write

human-interest pieces.

Yes. So if, um...

If you could just send

over a few more tests or...

Or maybe just a large box.

You have tested positive

for the Type D gene.

Marianne wants to know

why you"re all

not at her promotion

and engagement party.

Um, we were just on our way.

There must be

some kind of mistake.

I mean, me? Me?

Before, there was

always the possibility

that things might get better,

but now we know...

they never will.

But I have so much love to give.

A massive expl*si*n tore

through the Epigenica lab

in north London last night,

k*lling leading scientist

Richard Breakwell.

His fellow prize winner

Elsa Blomgren

is currently in a coma.

The two scientists were

reportedly close

to curing a genetic defect

that affects one third

of the population,

but all of their research was

destroyed in the expl*si*n.

Dr. Blomgren remains

in intensive care

at St. James" Hospital.

Can I help you?

Yes, I"m just looking

for a patient.

Uh, Elsa Blomgren.

Okay, well, you can"t

just walk into wards.

Are you a family member?

Yes, I"m... I'm her niece.

Even though

your genius discovery

totally ruined my life,

I"m sorry this happened to you.

Is there anyone else

working on a cure?

Just tap your finger for yes.

Thank you for coming.

Please take a seat.

After I saw you last,

Barnaby and I decided

to test ourselves.

Strictly

for scientific purposes.

But our result was surprising.

We didn"t test positive

for either gene.

I decided to do

a controlled experiment.

We tested all the boys

in upper fourth.

They also didn"t appear

to have either gene.

All except one.

Hugo Humphries.

He has the dumpee gene,

just like you.

On investigation,

it turned out Hugo

recently went out with a girl,

a family friend called Jenny

during an Easter holiday.

And Jenny broke up with Hugo

on his return to school.

Here is a list of boys

in upper fourth

who haven"t had a romance.

Here is a list of boys in upper

fourth who have had a romance.

And look again

at their results for the gene.

Is it a coincidence?

Or could Hugo"s first

romantic disappointment

be some kind of trigger,

activating

the heretofore passive gene?

I propose that the outcome

of your first romance

- sets a pattern.

- Your first romance?

There will be an opportunity

for questions at the end.

If an event can trigger

the gene to switch on,

then surely

reversing the same event

can trigger the gene

to switch off.

There is a way

to change category...

by dumping everyone

who"s ever dumped you,

thereby effectively

reversing history.

If this works, then this would

change the world as we know it.

It would open the door

to switching off genes

for cancer and other diseases.

It will save millions of lives

and be one of the most important

scientific discoveries

of the modern age.

Now, are there any questions?

Do you honestly think

this will work?

It"s already worked

for Hugo Humphries.

Hugo got Jenny to date him again

and dumped her immediately.

After breaking up with Jenny,

Hugo tested negative

for the gene.

And look at this graph.

In the days that followed,

Hugo scored 14 goals

in the away match.

He normally scores zero.

He inherited 3000

from a distance great aunt

and he has a new girlfriend

called Laura,

who he met

at the ice cream parlor.

- Okay.

- I"m going to submit this

to the Blackfriars

school science prize.

I"d like you to be

the second subject.

You"ll need to dump

everyone by the 23rd,

and I"ll need you

to sign this... there.

It"s just that

he only had to dump one person.

I would have to dump

quite a few.

I"m sure you could do it

if you put your mind to it.

Can you date it as well?

Just there.

Well, what if they"re married?

Or... Or if they live

in Australia?

I mean, my first boyfriend

was before we moved out,

so I"d have to fly

all the way back there.

Or... Or if they just

don"t like me?

I"d have to get Thomas to break

up with Cecilia for me

and then dump him.

It"s impossible.

How many are there anyway?

Two? Three?

Mm... Uh...

I didn"t imagine this many.

No, it won"t work.

It"d take forever.

We"ll just have to look

for another subject.

And you"ll just have to stay

a dumpee. Thanks anyway, though.

- Bye-bye.

- No, no, no!

I don"t want to stay a dumpee.

I can give this a real try.

I"ll give it a go.

No, it would take a lifetime.

Well, there"s not that many.

I mean, it"s not impossible.

Not if I put my mind to it.

I mean, that first one.

He might be in Australia,

but that"s...

That"s a short flight.

And scientific progress

is difficult.

You said that yourself.

So, what we have to do

is dump everyone

who"s ever dumped us.

And then we reverse

the genetic pattern.

- Everyone who"s ever dumped us?

- Yes.

- All of them?

- Yes.

Do you want your luck

to go up this steeply?

- Yes.

- This boy"s whole life changed.

And it can happen for us too.

Yeah, but, but this boy

only had to dump one person.

We"d have to dump loads.

I wouldn"t know where to begin.

- Can we not just dump one?

- One would be more manageable.

Look, we have

a chance to change everything.

And this sort of unwillingness

is reflective

of a self-defeating attitude,

which is gonna keep you dumpees.

We are never going

to love someone again.

And no one is

ever going to love us again.

And instead we"re going to what?

We"re going to make mosaics?

This is a chance

to change everything.

And you"re not going to take it

because it"s too much effort.

Yo, what"s happening?

Miss anything?

Yes. Yes, you did.

There"s a cure for the gene.

Wow! Yeah, tell me.

We go out with everyone

we"ve ever been out with

and then we dump them.

Yeah, let"s do it.

I can do that.

I"ll just call and say,

"Hey babe, you"re dumped."

Done, gone. Just give me a day.

- Okay, great. So Kevin"s in.

- Yeah!

The rest of you

can stay dumpees.

Whoa, wait.

I don"t wanna get left behind.

I mean, if you and Kevin

are both doing it...

I"ll try it.

In that case,

I will do it as well.

Well, if it"s the only way.

Okay, great.

Great! Let"s get cracking.

Let"s do this!

I"m gonna find both of them!

Well, if everybody else is in...

It must be what, 35 years?

How are you?

It"s great

to hear your voice again.

I shaved a love heart

on your cat.

Hi. Yeah.

Thought you"d remember that.

How are you? How"s the cat?

We were engaged to be married.

And then you saw my face

and you ran away from the altar.

Gary Wild.

I wonder

what he"s up to these days.

I haven"t seen him

since he rode off

on his brother"s motorbike

to go on the trip of a lifetime.

Maybe he"s become a storm chaser

or a bush pilot.

Ah, he"s obviously doing well.

That"s a nice part of the city.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no.

Just wanna let you ladies know,

I"m meeting Tracey Elms

for lunch tomorrow.

Yeah, and I"m seeing

Jill on Tuesday,

my first girlfriend from my days

at Wakenhearst Grammar.

We"re not gonna be

dumpees for long.

"So you" re looking

to win back your ex?

"Don" t be fooled by

what the other books say.

"This is going to be

very difficult.

"Your ex has gotten to know you

"and all your annoying habits

and hang-ups,

"so they won" t be fooled by a

new blouse or a fancy haircut.

To win them back,

you have to be very clever."

There is somebody

in the room with us.

I hear a name.

Sam...

David?

Tony?

Mike.

Harold...

Tim...

Stephen, Gary...

Oh, yes, Gary.

Oh! Yes, Gary!

I see a car.

A red one.

Oh, the stereo is broken.

Yes, yes.

That was his brother"s.

He, he used to take it

for joyrides sometimes.

I did go along once,

but I got a bit scared

and made him go

at 30 miles an hour.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, there is an aura around you.

It"s gray.

Gray?

What color

are other people"s auras?

Different colors.

Every color in the rainbow.

- Is gray in the rainbow?

- Be quiet.

So I have a question

I"d like to ask him.

I cannot give message.

I can only receive.

But this is very important.

I must ask him this question.

If it"s important,

you should have asked him

when he was leaving.

Now, you will have

gray aura all your life...

unless...

you buy special crystal.

"Step one:

"Try to casually contact your ex

"about something practical

and non-emotional,

"whilst emphasizing

that the relationship

"is definitely over,

like it was

your decision all along."

Hello?

Oh, God.

Who is it?

Gary?

You...

You were, uh, there today?

Um, I"m sorry

to hear about the accident.

I... I wanted

to get in contact with you today

because I wanted

to ask you a question.

Well, I think about you often.

And I know it"s been

a really long time.

And we might face

some challenges,

but I"ve done

long distance before,

and I think we could

overcome those challenges.

I guess what I"m asking is...

do you wanna

give it another sh*t?

I don"t mind that you're dead,

if that"s what you're thinking.

Gary, are you still there?

Gary?

Gary!

Does it count

if I go out with her

when she"s still married,

or do I have to wait

for her to leave him?

- I think it"ll still count.

- Oh.

I don"t know

how I"m gonna get him alone,

unless I move into the hostel.

Maybe I should do that.

She lives with her husband

and his family, so it"s...

So it"s very tricky.

Gary.

I think we should talk.

About us.

And where this is going.

I really like you.

And it"s been

a lot of fun having you around,

but I"m not sure

that this is what I want,

you know, long term.

So I think that we should...

That we should break up.

You can still come around

and haunt the place.

I felt bad about breaking up with Gary.

I mean, it"s not like

he"s gonna meet anyone else.

Maybe another ghost perhaps.

All that time

I"d spent regretting

not going

on the trip of a lifetime,

and if I"d gone,

I would have ended up dead.

I hoped Gary would find

someone nice to haunt.

And now I could move forward.

I was now

one-twelfth less loser.

And it felt good.

Oliver, you"re up next.

Out of all the people

I hoped to never see again,

Oliver was top of that list.

That awful song he wrote me

that was also annoyingly

kind of catchy,

turns out he"s been living in

London for the last four years.

So I wrote him an e-mail to see

if he"d like to meet up.

When I saw your name

in my email inbox,

I was like, "Wow! Oh, wow!"

I mean, it was like sunshine

just bursting

through the clouds.

"Cause I had not thought of you

once in all those years,

since I last saw you,

not even a little bit.

You know, crazy.

But then I realized, I may not

have been thinking about you,

but I was thinking about you.

I realized that all that time,

I had been pushing down

a really strong urge to see you.

You know? And now I can see you.

And I just wanna hear

everything about you.

I want you to just speak at me.

I wanna soak up all your words.

I wanna swim in them.

I can tell you about me.

I"ve been touring in a band.

There"s like... There"s 32 of us.

Uh, it"s mainly flutes.

We have a lot of flutes

and only two non-flutes.

I"m one of the non-flutes.

I"m a tambourine.

We do like rhythm-based music

and like a couple

of AC/DC covers. Yeah.

I don"t know if you're aware,

but that song I wrote you

actually made me kind of famous

- for about a week.

- I"m aware.

It was such a catchy tune.

I"ve tried to write songs

to dump other girls,

but none of them have taken off.

You know, Oliver,

dumping girls by song

isn"t really

the most considerate method.

I find it really

clarifies... I"m still talking.

I find it really pins down... You

really hurt my feelings.

Oh, I didn"t mean to.

And despite that...

my current

life circumstances dictate

that we go out together again.

So...

would you like

to go out with me?

You mean like

boyfriend-girlfriend?

Yep.

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

This is fun.

Yeah. It"s really fun.

But like all good things,

it must come to an end eventually.

So it is with deep regret

that I must

end this relationship.

But we just started going out.

But something changed.

In the last 20 seconds?

Was it something I said?

It was something you did

a long time ago.

But it"s okay now.

Goodbye, Oliver.

I didn"t feel bad

about dumping Oliver.

Maybe that means I"m changing.

Or maybe it"s because

he publicly humiliated me

by writing that song.

When I look back

over those old phone calls,

I think it was Oliver

who did most of the talking.

He should have given my mom

money for those phone bills.

Goodbye, Oliver.

I don"t blame you anymore.

I"m glad I was the most

inspiring person you dumped.

Only 10 exes to go.

I hope I can

get them dumped in time

for the science prize

deadlineWILBUR: Just one more errand.

One more errand?

This is like child labor.

I"m here to pick up something.

Surname is Asquith-Lacey.

Thank you.

He"s bought that ring for her.

Are they going to get married?

I can"t believe Thomas and that

astronaut are getting married

after knowing each other

only a few weeks.

I guess that"s what happens

when two dumpers get together.

They just live

happily ever after.

Every day is like

a perfume commercial.

Well, not this time.

I refuse to be celibate

and make decorative candles

for the rest of my life.

This wedding cannot happen.

Thomas, I"m gonna dump you next.

I just need to be

strategic about this. Clever.

I need this astronaut

out of the picture.

You could enroll her on a mission to Mars.

Three, two, one, they have lift-off.

And the team, led by Cecilia,

will be away for five years.

I looked into that. It doesn"t

leave for another four years.

"So your ex is with someone else,

"and she" s hotter

and more interesting than you.

"You may feel unworthy,

ugly and useless.

"But you need to step up.

"Stop feeling

sorry for yourself.

"Channel your feelings

of jealousy and self-loathing

"into something useful,

"devising ways

to sabotage their relationship

and reinsert yourself

into his life."

So I"ve dumped two of my exes.

Now it"s Thomas' turn.

I need your help.

Perhaps I could introduce you

to someone else instead.

Someone who might

like you more than Thomas.

My friend Roland.

He was number three

on Scientist Today"s

Most Eligible Bachelor list.

You don"t know how old I am, but

I"m not going out with a boy.

He"s a grown-up.

He"s 34 years old.

And somewhat of a genius.

You could meet him at an event

which Thomas was going to

with the aim

of making Thomas jealous.

- That"s quite a good plan.

- Thank you.

- How do I look?

- Uh, perfectly acceptable.

The eligible man

is due to arrive in 30 seconds.

When Thomas sees you

with this eligible man,

he will become very jealous.

At which point,

you will go and ask him out.

Ah, right on schedule.

Thank you.

Uh, Frankie, this is Roland.

Roland, this is Frankie.

Nice to meet you. Uh...

Could I just

speak to you for a moment?

About what?

Uh, if you could

just excuse us for a minute.

Thank you.

Please tell me that

that is not the eligible man,

the one who Thomas

is supposed to be jealous.

- It is.

- Uh, no, no, no.

He does not look right.

He"s not eligible.

A Nobel Prize nominee

isn"t eligible?

A mere 10 people a year win

them out of the entire world,

making Roland in the top

0.0000001 percent

of human beings.

Oh, God, there"s Thomas.

Roland, nice to see you!

- I didn"t know you were coming.

- Here for inspiration?

No. On sort of a,

I suppose, date.

Well, there she is.

Oh.

Hello, Frankie.

- What a lovely surprise.

- Yes.

Uh, this is Cecilia.

Cecilia, Frankie.

You"re a lucky man.

Yeah, I... I think

I need a drink.

Okay. Yes.

Can I get you one?

That would be lovely.

Hey.

Could I talk to you

just for a minute?

I think I deserve that,

don"t you think?

That after everything you did,

just tossing me aside

for that woman you met

just a few hours before.

And you sent

your infant brother.

I mean, who sends

their infant brother?

I did say that I wanted

to meet your family,

but that was not what I was

thinking when I said that.

You"ve had too much to drink.

Let"s get you a glass of water.

I"m not thirsty.

I am not thirsty.

I, um...

I came with that man tonight

because I wanted

to make you jealous.

Be... Because I miss you.

I love you so much.

I"m sorry, but I just don't

feel that way about you anymore.

If you"re having

problems with drinking,

there"s a man you should see.

Look after yourself.

Yeah.

Uh...

What is that?

Uh, this is Einstein.

It"s a gift from Roland for

introducing him to a... female.

- You are the female.

- Yes.

I wonder which ancestor of mine

gave me this gene?

I know it was one of them.

Someone ruined things

for all their descendants.

If I don"t get rid of it,

my children

and my children"s children

will have disastrous love lives.

I can"t let that happen.

If I can dump Gary, who"s dead,

then surely I can dump Thomas,

who"s alive and well.

Whilst every scholar

endeavors to do his very best,

there are many examples

from this school

of attainments beyond,

and I say this

with considerable pride.Hey.

Beyond the reach of mortal

men. I mention the...

Thomas is getting hypnosis to quit smoking.

Yes, he gave me the same card.

And he gave these cards

to Granny, Mom and Uncle Robert.

He won"t stop going on

about how effective it is.

Well, I say we implant

an idea in Thomas" brain.

Isn"t that illegal and amoral?

It"s no more amoral than

sending a child to dump someone.

Look, this is the plan.

You distract this Dr. Blakely,

and then I get into

Thomas" treatment room

and I get access

to his subconscious

and I implant the idea that

he is madly in love with me.

I"m not sure

the science prize committee

will approve of illegal methods.

Isn"t there something you want?

Could put a little thing

in there for you too.

A little something-something.

Nothing at all?

Um, well,

I would quite like to know

- what I"m getting for Christmas.

- I could do that.

Ask him to get me

the new Space Voyagerseries,

The Interstellar Mission.

I know he"s definitely not.

- Okay, fine.

- On Blu-ray.

Perfect.

I"d quite like a new telescope.

Oh, perhaps a new hat.

And he could be

a tad nicer to me.

You deserve that. Absolutely.

Thomas is due

to park here at 9:43.

He"s usually 7.2 minutes late

to all engagements.

He"ll arrive at 9:50.

Once inside the building,

he"ll spend three minutes

flirting with the receptionist.

At 9:59, you will arrive

for your appointment.

Uh, Roberta Wilkins.

You will spend four minutes

filling out a new client card.

I will arrive at 10:06.

Uh, Robert Plant.

It will take

approximately 37 seconds

for Thomas to go under.

At 11 minutes past 10:00,

David will leave Thomas" room

and come to your room.

Today I"m going to be teaching

you how to use your mind.

He will spend 2.3 minutes

discussing with you

what you want to achieve

during your ten sessions.

Using the powerful

mind-body connection.

Connection.

At 10:23,

David will come to my room.

He will go through

the same rigmarole.

Picture yourself

standing in your living room.

You reach for your phone.

You call a friend.

You tell them

how effective hypnosis has been

and you give them

our phone number...

0207-946-0327.

At 10:34, David will

go to the back office

to play online poker.

You will have six minutes

to implant the idea in his brain

that he is madly in love

with you before David returns.

Then we will exit the building,

mission accomplished.

Thomas, can you hear me?

- Yes.

- I want you

to go back out with Frankie.

Because she is a very,

very wonderful person.

No, don"t want to.

She has this weird job.

She works

in instruction manuals.

Doesn"t have many friends.

And she really shouldn"t

wear that silly orange hat,

the one that looks

like a croissant.

Can"t take somebody serious

if they"ve got

a croissant on their head.

And she has quite bad posture.

Can"t use chopsticks, ate her

sushi with a Kn*fe and fork.

She has a single bed.

I mean, who has a single bed?

You are going to crawl around

on the floor like a rat.

Get on the floor.

Like a filthy, ugly, dirty rat

that you are!

Crawl, rat! Crawl!

Stupid! Eat couch, little rat!

Roll on your back, rat!

Thomas. Thomas, please,

just let me explain!

Please, I was just

trying to reach you.

That part of you that

used to love me, and I...

And you... Stay away from me!

You humiliated me in front

of a medical professional!

Well, you left me no choice!

- Frankie Browne?

- Yes?

- What"s this?

- It"s a restraining order.

Section five, Protection

From Harassment Act 1997.

Making any contact

with the complainant

is strictly prohibited,

unless you want to get arrested.

How dare Thomas dislike 47 things about me

and issue a restraining order.

I am trying to improve my life,

and the least he can do

is let me dump him

without too much hassle.

The science prize deadline

is in one week.

That means

dumping 1.4 men a day.

I need a plan,

and one that works

from a distance of 300 yards,

because that"s the closest

I can go to Thomas.

I need to knock these men out

of my life once and for all.

Hey, hey.

It is time to ramp up the plan.

What if I told you we could

dump every single person

we"ve been out with

in just one night?

- One night?

- Yes, a sort of dumpathon.

We would contact our exes,

pretending that we work

for a sweepstake company.

And we would tell them that

they had won 5 million,

and all they needed to do

was collect it in person.

And then we would have

trapped them in one place.

We would lock them in this room

and then we would say that they

had to go out with us again.

And then we would dump them.

So you mean

like a mass kidnapping?

It"s kind of...

Yes. Yes.

- We could be in jail by 3:00.

- But by the next day,

you"re saying

we"d be free of the gene

and able to get on with

our lives and... And find love?

Right, yes.

That"s a fantastic idea!

Stockholm syndrome.

That"s beautiful!

Yes!

Very time-effective.

- Let"s do it!

- Okay.

Okay, sit.

Hello?

Hello?

Ah, hello,

is that Amanda Pocklington?

April Fletchley.

- Norris Peake?

- I"m calling

from the Golden Envelope

Prize Draw Company.

We"ve picked your name out of

the friends of the RSPCA list.

I"ve just called to tell you

that you have won...

Five million pounds.

- How did I enter this?

- The supermarket.

It"s absolutely unbelievable!

Yeah, it"s pretty unbelievable,

but you"ve definitely won.

And all you have to do

to collect your prize is...

Is come to the Hotel Champres...

On the 22nd of May.

Ah, I don"t think I can make it.

I"m planning on proposing

to my girlfriend that day.

To Cecilia?

Frankie, is that you?

No. My name is, um... Ahem.

My name is Geraldine...

Humperdinck. Frankie, you need to move on.

Let me be happy.

Um, sorry. Uh, no.

There"s no Frankie...

No Frankie here.

My name"s not Frankie.

Guess what?

They"ve all confirmed!

Everyone is gonna come

to this one-night event,

the dumpathon!

Oh, there she is.

I am arresting you on suspicion

of section 2A offense

of stalking, harassment

and violation

- of a restraining order.

- Oh, please!

I was just trying

to give him a prize.

Since when was that a crime?

Thomas wasn"t ever

going to let me dump him.

I imagined myself at age 50,

still scheming

with a middle-aged Wilbur.

I mean, God, who was I kidding?

I wasn"t born a winner in life.

And I felt tired of trying

to become somebody else.

Isn"t the route to happiness

supposed to be about accepting

yourself for who you truly are?

Perhaps I should stop

running from my destiny.

Maybe carving owls

and collecting stamps

is going to be

really rewarding and fun.

And I won"t miss

not ever being

in a relationship again.

Oh, Frankie.

Get me a coffee, would you?

Milk, two sugars.

And, uh, tidy your desk a bit.

I can"t believe that intern.

It"s outrageous.

He "s not an intern anymore.

He"s a junior manager now.

Junior manager?

I have some news about Thomas.

I don"t wanna

hear any news about Thomas.

He"s going to propose

to Cecilia tomorrow night.

We have to act fast.

He doesn"t want me.

It"s impossible.

But we"ve come so far.

You absolutely cannot

give up now.

These are pheromones.

They"re used in nature

as a way of attracting a mate.

I got them off Roland.

You"d only need

a couple of drops.

It"s very potent.

Roland says it lasts

three to four hours,

so you"d need to top it up.

This should attract

Thomas from three miles away.

So you won"t be in violation

of the restraining order.

Sounds of the rude world

Heard in the day

Lull"d by the moonlight...

Uh, you"ll be going on

in one minute.

Oh, God.

Beautiful dreamer

Queen of my song

List while I woo thee

With soft melody

Beautiful dreamer

Awake

Unto me

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Please put your hands together

for Victorique Rousseau.

Something"s gotten Hold of my heart

Keeping my soul

And my senses apart

Something"s gotten

Into my life

What is she doing here?

Cutting its way through

My dreams like a Kn*fe

Turning me on

Frankie,

what are you doing here?

It"s a free country.

Making me smile

And making me frown

It"s the wrong one. Go!

- Is there a problem, sir?

- Yes.

Oh, that was... I

have a restraining order

against this woman,

and she is in violation of it.

I... I didn"t know he was...

He was coming actually.

Of course she did.

She follows us everywhere.

Please, come down

from the stage.

If... If you just let me

finish the song, please?

Madam, I need you

to leave the stage immediately.

Shook my heart... I"m so sorry.

Made me want you to stay

MANAGER: Call security.

All of my nights

And all of my days

Yeah, I gotta tell you

That something"s

Got a hold of my hands

Thomas.Dragging my soul

To the beautiful land

Thomas.Yeah, something

Has invaded my nights... Wow!

You are an amazing singer.

No, she"s not.

Changing the gray MANAGER: Oh, my God!

And changing the blue

Scarlet for me

And scarlet for you

Touch me and my heart Goes astray, yeah

And baby

And baby

- Bravo!

- Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Um, I"m... I'm just gonna go

and, uh, check our orders.

Uh, and I"ll...

I"ll get us some more bread.

That was...

amazing.

Great!

You were amazing out there.

Just want... Hide!

So beautiful! Come here!

I really am ashamed

of my behavior.

I don"t know

what I was thinking.

Perhaps I went mad temporarily.

You"re so wonderful.

And beautiful and sensitive,

funny and unique.

I can"t believe

I ever let you go.

Well, I"ve lived

My life alone

Just crying on my own

I never had the chance

To make a friend

Well, baby

That"s all through

I"ve put my faith in you

And I"ll be here

Until the bitter end

Oh, baby

One is a lonely number

It"s a number

You can"t divide

Yeah, but listen, hon

The number one

Can be great

When it"s multiplied

Two can make it together

If they try to understand

Baby

Two can make it together

We can try

Take my hands, baby

Two can make it forever

If they try every day, baby

- To Frankie!

- To Frankie!

Two can make it together

I"ll be loving you

Every step of the way

Every step of the way

Oh, I didn"t realize

That love was in your eyes

I thought you just

Had pity for the man...

Close your eyes

and put out your hands.

Open it.

I"ve never felt this way before

about anyone in my entire life.

It"s like from the moment

I saw you on that stage,

I was drawn to you

like a magnet.

I can"t pull myself away.

Say yes.

Please say yes.

Yes.

It"s beautiful.

You were supposed

to dump him, not marry him.

I know.

I know. It"s just that...

If you let me explain.

I really love him.

That"s it?

That"s your entire explanation?

- Yes.

- You"re making a fool

out of yourself.

As soon as

the pheromones run out,

- he"s going to break up with you.

- They don"t have to run out.

You could make more.

I could pay you.

It"d be like a part-time job.

And what do you plan to do,

use the pheromones forever?

For 70 or so years?

Well, why not?

It"s good enough for insects.

I fear that you may

have lost your mind.

I decline this job offer.

And I find it

ludicrous and selfish

that you"d cancel the experiment

when we"ve already come so far.

I... I know it"s...

I don"t

expect you to understand.

I mean, you"re a child.

You"ve never even kissed a girl.

What would you possibly

understand about love?

If being in love causes one

to demean and embarrass oneself

in the way that you"re doing,

then I do not wish

to ever partake in it.

I want you to know that

you are single-handedly ruining

humankind"s scientific progress.

You"ve had a jilting?

They"ve had a jilting.

Thank you. 4:00, we will

be there with bells on.

It"s booked.

At 4:00 today,

we"re getting married.

Tomorrow morning

we"re going to pack our bags

and get on

the first flight to Mexico.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

How could you do this to me?

Why won"t you answer my calls?

Cecilia, look, I"m... I'm sorry.

I... I really like you,

but I"m in love

with Frankie now.

And... And we really are

in a bit of a rush.

You"re in a rush?

You leave me at a restaurant

and then I find out

you"re going out with her.

I love her.

We"re getting married.

We really don"t

have time for this.

I"m sorry! I'm sorry!

She has a restraining order.

Technically, this is illegal!

No. We... We were supposed

to get married.

I was supposed to be your wife.

We"d named our children and...

What? Where...?

What...? Wait, wait!

Frankie, Frankie!

Where are you going?

There"s someone I need

to invite to the wedding.

- See you there at 4:00.

- I"ll come with... I'll be there!

Listen, I"m... I'm sorry.

And I came to invite you

to my wedding.

It"s at 4:00 this afternoon.

The paper was retracted

by Scientist Today.

They had to publish an apology.

They found some faults

with the study.

The gene they thought

was the dumpee gene,

well, it turns out it just

makes proteins for the kidneys.

What are you talking about?

That gene doesn"t affect

your love life after all.

What?

No, you"re making this up.

What about all the tests?

And... And Hugo?

The tests just confirmed

the gene"s existence,

not what its function was.

And Hugo"s gene

didn"t disappear.

Barnaby spilled the lemonade on

the tester and didn"t tell me.

Um, but I"ve told

all these people about it.

I mean, almost ten people

know about this

and they"ve been trying

to do your theorem.

I can"t believe this. If...

If... No, of course

there"s a dumpee gene.

There has to be a dumpee gene,

otherwise this has all been

a complete waste of time.

Not everything

was a waste of time.

The pheromones worked,

and further experimentation

may produce a pheromone

that could help

the plight of the honeybee.

Oh, well, that"s great

for the honeybee.

I am such an idiot.

I believed the theories

of an 11-year-old child.

Twelve.

For 15 years, I devoted my life

to finding a pattern

of how people love each other.

I thought a love gene

would predict

how everyone

forms relationships.

But there"s no logic

in the decisions they make.

And there is no pattern

in people"s love life.

All this time, I"d been

trying to fix the thing

which made me unlovable.

The gene

that was ruining my life.

Except that gene

didn"t actually exist.

The universe

wasn"t sabotaging me.

I had only been

sabotaging myself.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

I brought a witness.

Reverend, this is, uh...

This is Frankie.

A pleasure. Um, are we

expecting anyone else?

No.

Right. Uh, well, let"s make

a start then, shall we?

Welcome to the historic

Church of St. Barnabus

on this wonderful occasion.

We"ve come together here today

in the presence of God

to witness the marriage

of Thomas Henry

Charles Asquith-Lacey

and Francesca Browne,

to ask his blessing on them... Sorry.

- Could I just ask a question?

- Yes.

Oh, not to you. To Thomas.

- Ah.

- Give me just a sec.

- Wha...?

- Sorry.

It"s just that we never really

talked about why you dumped me.

Uh, do... Do we need

to talk about that now?

Well, I realize

it isn"t the ideal time.

Frankie...

I made a terrible mistake.

I love you,

and I want us to be together

for the rest of our lives.

- Happy to press on?

- Absolutely.

Marriage is given

that husband and wife

may comfort and help each other,

living faithfully together

in need and in plenty,

in sorrow and in joy.

It is given that... Sorry, um...

Um, one more minute.

Half a minute even.

I"m... I'm so sorry.

Sorry, it"s just that, um,

you did send

your little brother to dump me.

And then at

the hypnotist"s office,

you said so many things

you disliked about me.

I love everything about you.

There is nothing I dislike.

You listed 47 things.

That was 47 things

that I liked about you.

No, you... You said my friends.

You didn"t like my friends.

- I love your friends.

- Name one of them.

Bernie.

Ernie? B-Bernest?

The... The chap from the art

gallery with the glasses.

He was, um... Roland.

Yes. Yes.

I... I found him fascinating.

Okay? Let"s, um...

Let"s get back to it.

- Come on.

- No, wait.

It"s just that I've been using

an elephant drug on you.

You don"t really love me.

You mean the world to me.

I adore you.

You adore me

for three to four hours.

It... I"m sorry, Thomas.

I"m... I'm sorry

that I forced you to love me.

But this isn"t going to work.

It"s a huge mistake.

I... I can"t marry you.

I"m really sorry, Reverend,

for wasting your time.

No, no, Frankie.

Of course you can marry me.

It"s just last-minutes nerves.

It"s normal,

what you"re experiencing.

It"s not normal.

Nothing about this is normal.

It"s ridiculous.

I can"t go ahead with it.

Frankie, please. Please do not

leave this church. I...

- Thomas, stop it!

- I adore you.

We"re meant to be together.

We"re the perfect couple!

No!

Frankie... Frankie, please, no.

You are a goddess in my eyes,

and I hereby

lay down my life for you.

Frankie. Frankie, I would

walk across hot coals for you.

I would crawl naked

on my hands and knees

to the ends of the earth and

back again for you. I love you!

Oh, thank you for listening

to me talk like a crazy person

convinced that

this was the guy for me.

I would pull out

my b*ating heart, Frankie.

You"re right, he's not the one.

Okay.

- You are my universe.

- I should, um, go.

And I love you, Frankie.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Roll around on the floor

You"re gonna have to say...

And you claim

we"re the lowest performing four

in the whole office?

You are

the lowest performing four.

By a very long way.

Well, we know the real reason,

and we"re gonna take you

to an employment tribunal.

It"s illegal

to discriminate against people!

You"re okay.

You"ve still got your job.

You"d think it was enough

that your category of people

stomp all over us in romance.

Now you"re gonna stomp

all over us at work as well.

What is he talking about?

You don"t know what it's

like to be born unlovable.

We can"t even win at Monopoly!

Oh, um, could I just interject?

If these people have been

performing badly,

it"s because of me.

I gave them some misinformation.

Sent them on a wild goose chase.

You don"t have the dumpee gene.

I don"t have it.

None of you have it.

There is no dumpee gene.

And there are no categories.

If anyone should be sacked,

it"s me.

Going down.

Well, looking

on the bright side...

at least

we don"t have that gene.

I was rid of the gene,

rid of my obsession with Thomas

and ready to start a new future.

My time working in

instruction manuals was over.

It was time to find a job

I actually liked.

Perhaps it might involve

foreign travel?

I would like to see the world.

Life seemed good

and full of opportunities.

There was

only one slight problem.

We had forgotten

about the dumpathon.

A hundred and twenty-five

of our exes showed up

to collect 5 million.

So, what shall we do?

Fortunately we were able

to handle it with grace

and it all ended very amicably.

None of you will be receiving

any prizes tonight

- because you do not deserve them.

- What?

You could say

it was more of a forgiveathon.

Crisps. Uh, you"re welcome

to as many as you like.

They didn"t quite go for the

group hug, which I suggested.

But it was nice

to catch up all the same.

It says that pi can never end.

I don"t care if you saw

the last number or not.

Don"t give me that look.

I know what that look means.

Pi is infinite.

I don"t... Hi.

- Hi.

- I wanted to come by

and apologize for what I said

about you being a child.

I should have said it before.

Well, that"s okay.

It"s also technically true.

And I"m sorry

about the science prize.

Well, a scientist learns more

from his failures

than his successes.

But it would have been

nice to win a Nobel Prize.

And you finally came to

your senses regarding Thomas.

I did.

I did. And I sort of

quit my job as well.

So thank you.

For everything.

Thank you.

I hope to see you

both around sometime soon.

Well, actually, currently

we"re looking for a subject

for this idea of ours.

- It is mosquito-repelling shoes.

- Hmm.

- I"ll think about it.

- What"s there to think about?

You don"t have a job,

so you must have spare time.

Well, I might want to discover

two and a half countries.

You can discover

two and a half countries

after you"ve helped

cure malaria.

We have access

to over 3000 mosquitoes

for the controlled tests.

So this is

My own goodbye note

Just like the one

You never wrote

I only found out after

Months of lies and bluff

But as

The age-old saying goes

You always hurt

The one you love

I guess this means you

Must"ve loved me very much

And if you happen upon me

In the street

Or an ambulance or worse

You can use your lines

So well dressed and rehearsed

But not if I Not if I

Not if I see you first

Not if I see you first

Not if I see you first

I"ll see you in hell

Reading chapter and verse

I"m not sure when you became

The reason to leave

After all these years

Of being the reason to stay

And I"m not sure

When you became

The reason to believe

After all these years

Of being the reason

Not to pray

I release you

I release you

I release you

And I release me too

I"m not sure

When you became

The reason to deceive

After all these years

Of playing it true

And not sure

When you became

The reason to retreat

After all these years

Of breaking on through

I release you

I release you

I release you

And I release me too

Remember when we shared

That kiss

First on New Year"s Eve

After all those years

Of unfettered lust

And passion

And remember

When you became

My reason for joie de vivre

But ice gotta melt

Now I release you

I release you

And I release me too