[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I am on a very important
quest to get the Holy Grail
so I can destroy a
dangerously powerful algorithm.
I don't want to talk to It.
'Cause It k*lled your dad?
Meet the resistance.
You can call me JQ.
[LAUGHS]
Wiley's using his inheritance
to liberate mankind.
Our loyal apron man,
Father Ziegler.
The question is, Mother,
how you even knew I was here.
I run the most successful security firm
in the western United States.
You think I helped Dad fake his death.
Your father is very much alive.
Sure, my ex is taking the "marriage
to Christ" thing literally.
Why is this so good?
You speak as though you're jealous.
Clara, are you married to her too?
- I can't talk about this.
- Why?
Because the boss is gonna
give me a stern talking to?
When Clara d*ed, the only way
to pass on immunity
was an organ transplant.
You want us to get the
Holy Grail out of the whale
and maybe get our heads exploded?
That's about the size of it, yeah.
♪ ♪
[DAN TRUHITTE & CHARMIAN CARR
"SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN"]
♪ ♪
♪ You wait, little
girl, on an empty stage ♪
♪ For fate to turn the light on ♪
♪ Your life, little
girl, is an empty page ♪
♪ That men will want to write on ♪
♪ To write on ♪
♪ You are going on ♪
♪ Baby, it's time to ♪
- [LAUGHS]
- Are you giggling?
- [MUSIC STOPS]
[STIFLED LAUGH]
What? I was praying.
Is there something you need, Sister?
Your mother's here to see you.
Oh, my... [LAUGHS] That's so weird.
I thought you just said "your mother,"
instead of Mother as in Mother Superior.
I did say "your mother."
Why?
My mother has never been to the convent.
Well, she's here now.
And I wouldn't keep her waiting.
She's mean!
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Wishes are for little girls,
'cause, you know, it's a wishing well.
I have to admit this place is
less oppressive than I imagined.
[SCOFFS]
Well, it used to be a motel in the ' s,
and then families would
stop and pick strawberries.
Well, that's very lovely, Elizabeth,
but I assume you didn't invite
me here for a history lesson.
What?
Your letter says that you wanted
the chance to unburden yourself.
So here I am.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Let's have it.
Uh, Mother, I regret to inform you
I do not use the word "unburden," so...
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Ugh.
[SNIFFING]
I can smell you!
Show yourself!
♪ ♪
Dad?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
My girls.
No, no... oh!
I see you are still your
father's shill, Elizabeth.
I did not know about this.
I... I haven't seen him almost
as long as I haven't seen you!
She's telling the truth.
I called this family meeting.
And I knew you'd only
show if Bug invited you.
I am not Bug, not Elizabeth.
I am Simone.
Girls...
I cracked the Lazarus Shroud.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Bullshit.
I did, Celeste.
I cracked it wide open.
And I'll be performing it next week
at "Rise & Shine Reno" live.
More like dead,
because you do not have
the engineering expertise
to pull off a water escape
with that level of complexity.
Acid escape.
What? Um, what?
I'm using acid.
If I'm gonna save magic
with a single trick,
there has to be real stakes.
Oh, God, with the saving magic.
That thing has destroyed
our business, Celeste.
Any yokel that wants to know
the secret behind a trick
just has to ask that
computer, and it tells them!
It's cheating!
But not this trick.
And what better way to resurrect magic
than with the Lazarus?
It's stupidity.
And it won't work.
Well, at least I'm fighting
for something I love
instead of selling spy gadgets
to any government that'll pay you.
As hard as it is to believe
that I have found success
in a career that does not involve you,
do not delude yourself into believing
that you are performing
the Lazarus Shroud for love,
because you have never loved
anything except yourself!
Would you come to the
performance, Celeste?
Stop. Stop.
For old times' sake?
Stop.
The old times were a sh*t show, Monty.
Long live progress.
I'll sign the papers.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
After years of stringing me along,
you're gonna give me a
divorce if I go to your show?
♪ ♪
It's nice seeing you, Elizabeth,
despite the circumstances.
[LAUGHS]
She is definitely coming.
How often do you dress as a nun
and come here to spy on me?
Only every once in a while.
Never occurred to you
to just talk to me?
You always looked so happy.
I didn't want to disturb that.
Were you at my wedding?
You were radiant.
So I'm not your parakeet anymore, Dad.
And if that's what you want
me to be at this performance,
it's not... it's a hard no.
I want you at the performance
because I'm scared.
Do not do this, Dad.
You don't have to prove
yourself to a computer.
It's more than a computer.
It's the answer to all
of life's questions.
If She could destroy
magic, what makes you think
a place like this wouldn't be next?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
"She"?
Oh, you haven't heard?
It's got a name now.
♪ ♪
They're calling it...
♪ ♪
[LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ ♪
Oh, come on. I only need minutes.
Mrs. Abbott is very busy.
I'm sure she can make
time for her daughter.
Can you please just tell her
that Simone is here to see her?
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
Mrs. Abbott says she doesn't
have a daughter named Simone.
What about Elizabeth?
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
There's an opening at : .
It's : a.m.
You're welcome to wait.
♪ ♪
- No luck?
- This is typical Celeste,
exerting her power by making us wait.
Hey, took two ships,
three international flights,
and one very long bus ride to get here.
Can wait a few more hours.
Whatever it takes, right?
Yeah.
♪ ♪
Don't mess with that.
Might break it.
♪ ♪
Why don't you eat?
- What?
- Your husband.
You said when you
visit him, he feeds you.
I'm sure it'll make you feel better.
I am pretty hungry.
So I'm just gonna...
Mm, I'm...
[MELLOW MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Tacos?
A trio of tacos.
You make falafel.
I like falafel.
Alas, not everyone does.
Tastes change. I gotta change too.
The people should get what they want.
The people should be happy
with whatever you give them.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, I'm happy when you're happy.
♪ ♪
Did you know Clara was dead? [SIGHS]
The redhead who was in here
who you can't tell me about
because of your savior-savee
confidentiality agreement.
She drank from the Holy Grail,
and it exploded her head.
Were you aware?
I'm only aware of what
happens in here, Simone.
Out there, I only know
what people tell me.
Now you have.
That's not all.
I... I have her liver.
Technically, part of her liver.
And Wiley has the other part, which...
I mean, that's pretty crazy, right?
Is there something you want to ask?
Just, does it mean
that I skipped the line?
Simone, what?
Is the only reason that I got in here
and the only reason
that I get to be with you
because I have her
Grail-sipped liver inside me?
♪ ♪
I don't know how or why
anyone comes through that door.
And I've learned it doesn't matter.
I serve them all the same.
Now, please, eat.
It'll make you feel better.
That's what Wiley said.
He... yeah, well, it was his
idea that I should come in here.
So he knows everything about us.
Well, not everything.
You still have feelings for him.
Do I have feelings for Wiley?
- [LAUGHS]
- It's a fair question.
You've brought him up
unprompted several times.
Several?
I have mentioned him twice.
Okay, three times 'cause of the liver.
Wait, are you jealous?
I'm just acknowledging
that you and he have
a lot of history and a deep attraction
- to one another.
- Well, I am married to you.
I'm attracted to you.
So you don't want to
have sex with Wiley?
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS] It's just...
Is that a yes?
I have vows, Jay.
I made vows.
And technically, your
vows didn't cover monogamy.
And it doesn't seem entirely fair
that I can have other
relationships and you can't.
I... [GROANS] This feels like a trap.
And that's because your mom
rigged a crossbow behind a locked door,
and you'd rather anticipate
danger when there isn't any
than be hurt again.
Do not conflate my mom almost k*lling me
and having sex with Wiley.
They're separate concepts, man.
And you cannot just give me a hall pass.
Like, there's no way
the boss would go for...
Would you stop? Hey!
Jay, what are you doing?
[KNOCKING]
Jay... Jay, stop!
Hey, uh...
can Simone sleep with Wiley?
♪ ♪
Sure, thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES]
The boss says it's cool.
There's no one behind
that door, is there?
Oh, there is absolutely
someone behind that door, Simone.
Whatever you're doing, whatever guilt
you are trying to absolve yourself from,
from... be pushing me
towards my ex, that's on you.
I am not playing that game,
because there is no way
that I am having sex with Wiley.
I am only going to have sex with...
Jesus!
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[SOFTLY] I'm sorry.
♪ ♪
Your mother's ready to see us now.
♪ ♪
- So... yeah.
- We should go, yeah.
[CLOCK TICKING]
A whale.
Yep.
You believe the Holy Grail
is an actual artifact, that it's real.
I do.
[CLEARS THROAT] Mrs. Abbott,
do you think I can get a cup of coffee?
No.
You want the Lazarus Shroud.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Okay, just jumping right in.
The... can you picture a whale?
So in the stomach of the... the whale,
the stomach acid would
apparently eat me alive
unless I have protection.
And the... the Shroud,
ironically, you know,
is sort of the perfect...
it has its own oxygen supply
and gives me enough mobility
to grab the, um... the Holy Grail.
And I already know
what you're gonna say.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, what?
I'm happy to lend you the Shroud.
As fortune has it, it happens
to be right here on the premises.
Follow me.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, I'm gonna wait here,
but, uh,
I could really go for that coffee.
Then go for it.
Pick a book, any book.
Here's a hint.
I read it to you when you were little.
I remember Dad reading, not... not you.
That's because you preferred
his silly voices and ad-libbery.
Pardon me for sticking to the text.
Pick.
- [ALARM BLARING]
- Oh, f*ck me!
That's so loud! It's so loud.
[BLARING STOPS]
You read Ayn Rand to a child?
It's never too early to learn
how the world works, Elizabeth.
Oh, f*ck.
You have seconds to
enter security phrase.
, , ...
Uh, are the walls moving?
Yes, all the better to crush
intruders with, my dear.
, , , .
You have seconds to
enter security phrase.
Why is your password so long?
Because size matters.
.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[LOCK CHIRPS]
[DOOR HISSING]
♪ ♪
Ladies and gentlemen,
I regret to inform you
that I am a dead man.
Yes, folks, dead.
Because the only thing
that gives a magician life
is the ability to evoke wonder
and those five transcendent words,
"How did they do that?"
Alas, someone, something,
has done exactly that,
giving away the secrets to illusions
I've spent years perfecting.
This insidious technological wonder
you've taken to calling
Mrs. Davis has k*lled magic!
So let me ask you, my friends,
who wants to see a resurrection?
[APPLAUSE]
The greatest of all miracles
performed in the New Testament
was the raising of Lazarus.
Lazarus finally came upon a suit
impervious to any w*apon or element
that could cause harm to a man.
And so this fabled suit
would forever be known
as the Lazarus Shroud!
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- [CROWD GASPING]
This morning, live on
"Rise & Shine Reno,"
I will resurrect magic and myself
by performing the most dangerous escape
you or the cursed Mrs.
Davis has ever seen.
I'll lower myself into this vat,
immersing myself into acid.
Yes, real acid.
Then once fully submerged
in the lethal liquid,
I will escape the Shroud,
transporting myself to
the back of the studio,
unharmed and reborn.
The danger is real, folks.
That's why I've invited a
nun here to pray for my soul.
May God have mercy on
me, should this go wrong.
Let's begin.
Why would you do this?
Why would you watch
what happened to him?
Because nothing happened to him.
No, Mom.
And if you can't stomach
the crude theatrics
of your father being "devoured by acid,"
I'm happy to switch to the animatic.
It's a much more efficient way
to show you how it was done.
Here's where Monty does the swap.
He appears to be getting into the suit,
but he's actually concealing
himself inside this Azra table.
He never got into the Shroud,
because it already
had a dummy inside it.
It's not a dummy, Mom.
There was blood and teeth and guts.
I know. It was a corpse.
A cadaver I suspect your
father stole from the morgue.
May I continue?
The Shroud is now raised
by the breathing umbilicus
and dunked into the vat of acid.
The audience watches
anxiously whilst wondering
how he'll escape from a liquid
that would burn him alive,
and, oh, no.
Something's gone wrong, because Monty
is starting to panic in that vat.
My God, the thrashing arms
disconnect the umbilicus,
leaving an opening, the
submerged Shroud compromised,
acid pouring in.
Stagehands rush in with poles and hooks
to pull the spasming
Shroud from the vat.
"Monty" flops out onto
the stage below his body,
now dramatically still,
as the stagehands remove
the helmet from the suit,
but alas, it's too late,
as he has been dissolved
alive from within.
And the horrified crowd
and the live television audience watch
as gallons of viscera and melted flesh
flow out onto the stage.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Ta-da.
Azra tables don't open from the inside.
Someone would have had
to come let him out.
And yeah, the police
interviewed all the stagehands,
and they were just as
traumatized as everyone else.
I agree.
I spoke to them myself.
You think it was me.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I'm sure some people
would say it's perverse
that I have the Halloween costume
my daughter was wearing
the night she was grievously injured.
♪ ♪
But that's because they don't understand
she was grievously injured
because she was violating a space
she was forbidden to enter as
an accomplice to her father.
♪ ♪
I knew you had this obsession
that he was still alive
and even thought that
I... I knew where he was,
but now... so you're
citing a children's costume
as proof that I helped him pull it off?
I don't know what
you're up to, Elizabeth,
or why your father has sent you
into yet another one
of my forbidden spaces
to recover his precious Lazarus Shroud.
But... [LAUGHS]
I don't believe for one g*dd*mn second
that you need it to get the
Holy Grail out of a whale,
because that is just moronic.
♪ ♪
I'll keep it simple.
You want the Shroud, tell
me where your father is.
♪ ♪
Dad's dead.
♪ ♪
Well, then, my dear, I
suppose we're finished here.
I suppose we are.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
All right.
All right. You got this.
You got this.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
You're a big, strong boy.
Everybody loves you.
You're never gonna die.
Big, strong boy. Everybody loves you.
You're never gonna die.
You're a big, strong boy.
Everybody loves you.
You're never gonna die.
Come on, Wiley!
Come on, earn your boots, man!
Earn those boots!
[BREATHING FORCEFULLY] Oh, f*ck it.
Nope.
Ahh.
Oof.
Ah, that's it.
[GROANING]
[DOOR OPENING]
Oh, God. Oh.
Oh, hi, hey.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Sorry, I...*
I get nose... nosebleeds.
She'll tell you. It's
so stupid and annoying.
Do you have, like, a
tissue or a Kleenex?
Or it's the same thing, right?
A tissue is like a fancy Kleenex?
♪ ♪
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[GROANS]
Well?
Mission accomplished.
What happened to your face, mate?
Oh, she wouldn't give me a coffee,
so I had to improvise.
Did you punch yourself?
Did you pull a f*cking
Durden to ruin her couch?
Yeah, you did, you cheeky bastard!
Just doing my part, man.
Yeah!
And she had no idea.
What about the secret room?
She walked me right into it.
But security, it's tight.
Well, then... let's plan a heist.
Plan a heist.
BOTH: Plan a heist!
Plan a heist.
- Say it, nun.
- BOTH: Plan a heist.
- You have to say it.
- ALL: Plan a heist.
- There she is!
- ALL: Plan a heist!
♪ ♪
The office is just like it was in
the blueprints you idiots hacked.
So is the panic room.
Getting into it is
going to be the trick.
The window panels?
They dropped when I
picked the wrong book,
but you can bet your ass
they will be down at midnight.
I will bet my ass, nun.
- Cool.
- Oh, yeah.
I got a real good look at the panels.
They're thick as f*ck.
Definitely gonna block our comms,
so we're gonna be in the
dark until I cut through.
Night security guard puts eyes
on nun's mom's office
every five minutes.
You'll need to cut through in three.
♪ ♪
No problemo.
Just give me some practice.
All right, next up, hallway with the...
what do you call them... wall crushers.
Call it the trash compactor,
'cause your moms ripped
them from "Star Wars."
My mom has never seen "Star Wars."
Everyone's seen "Star Wars."
- I've never seen "Star Wars."
- [SHUSHING]
What you call them is irrelevant.
What is relevant is, those
walls will crush you, nun.
A force of ,
kilos per square meter,
which is why you'll need...
Ah!
The constipater,
because it blocks sh*t up.
That's very clever and gross.
Soon as that bookcase closes,
you jam this baby straight
betwixt the wall cheeks,
and it'll do the rest.
Course, holding the
walls apart won't matter
if you don't have the right password.
But I got it, right?
You got most of it.
Fortunately, we've
constructed one of the world's
most impressive supercomputers,
black boxed and off net so
the big D can't detect us.
Out of password characters,
nun's crucifix cam captured all but .
But our computer can run
trillions of simulations
and give us the highest probability
of the missing characters.
And by highest probability,
we're talking what?
%, give or take.
... so there's a % chance
I get crushed like a grape?
No, you won't get crushed,
'cause you'll have
deployed the constipater.
Please just call it a metal thingy.
People, we need to talk
about how we're getting out.
Me and the extraction team
will be situated in a flat
in a building across the way.
Soon as you've cut
through the panel, pkew,
we'll fire a grappling
hook into the office.
You secure the wire.
Yeah, look at Wiley go.
He zip-lines over. Whoo-whoo-whoo.
You too, nun.
You'll follow suit with
your Lazara-daza-majig.
And Bob's your uncle.
That's all there is to it.
Okay, that's how we get out.
How are we looking on getting in?
♪ ♪
Behold the Trojan couch.
Just enough room for
one fella, one sheila,
a blowtorch, and a constipater.
Your mother ordered a
replacement couch after we left.
We rerouted it here
and retrofitted it for our needs.
Tracking says it's shipping today,
getting to the firm tonight.
So when the office
locks down at lights-out,
you two will already be inside.
Well, okay.
I think that's everything.
- That's everything.
- Yeah.
Well, given the, uh,
tightness of our quarters,
it would be ungentlemanly
for me not to shower.
Oh, much obliged.
[CHUCKLES]
The rest of you lot, f*ck off.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Not you. No.
- Me as well? Okay.
Got a present for you, nun.
Give me your arm.
Okay.
Three passwords, different
permutations of the missing characters.
You should have time to try all of them.
Because the constipater
will buy me time.
I really appreciate you
doing this for me, JQ.
I'm not doing this for you.
I'm doing this for the salvation
and free will of all mankind.
Right, yes.
Thank you anyway.
I used to be a poker player.
A professional one.
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
Till the big D came
along and taught any idiot
with a cell phone how to play.
I spun out.
Couldn't really take the reality
that the only thing I was ever good at,
only thing I ever cared about was gone.
♪ ♪
I started chasing bad
cards, making bad decisions.
There's a word for
that in the poker world.
That word is "tilt."
♪ ♪
You put Wiley on tilt, nun.
♪ ♪
He told me what happened
at your dad's funeral,
what you did to him.
♪ ♪
But he's got himself right.
He's got a purpose now.
He's got us.
Don't you f*cking put
him on tilt again, nun.
♪ ♪
This is a sedative.
Keep you knocked out the entirety
of your trip to Los Angeles.
- Ready?
- What?
Ah! That's fine.
There you go.
Mm-hmm.
I also took the liberty of syncing
up your wristwatches to wake you up.
Once inside, you will have exactly
three minutes to get the Shroud,
get out before the night watchman comes.
May I?
Do your worst.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Go ahead. Oh, okay.
Yeah, you're all set.
♪ ♪
Heads up, it's pretty fast-acting,
so things might get a little
loopy before you pass out.
♪ ♪
Nighty night.
Are you... can you...
- Oh, yeah.
- If you just...
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, yep.
[GRUNTS]
Oh.
[SIGHS]
Hi.
Hi.
It's kind of cozy in here.
Mm.
♪ ♪
I have a question for you.
sh**t.
What's gonna happen?
"What's gonna happen?"
What's gonna happen to your body,
your remains, when you report
for your expiration date?
Can you just tell me
what's gonna happen to you?
Yeah, I don't know.
I didn't ask.
Wiley, you didn't ask how
they're going to k*ll you?
No, ma'am.
Don't you want to know?
No, ma'am, I don't.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Hmm.
But I do want to know
what you did with my belt.
What are you talking about, man?
My belt, Lizzie.
I loved that belt.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
♪ ♪
[MUFFLED] I'm so sorry for your loss.
And your pops, he was one of the greats.
Such a talent.
Such a horrible way to go out.
♪ ♪
[SOFTLY] Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
Wow, you really are a nun.
Oh, yeah, I really am a nun.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
This is... this is Sandy.
I, um... I watched
the whole thing on TV.
- Yeah.
- It was horrible.
I... I almost threw up.
But wow, at least he
d*ed doing what he loved.
- Yeah.
- Right?
Yeah.
Could I actually steal you for a second?
- I... just...
- [WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
Uh, just... all right, let me guess.
You're upset because I brought my
girlfriend to your dad's funeral.
But I'm sorry.
The last time I talked to you,
you completely ghosted me.
And now, what, you're at some kind
of commune in a strawberry field?
Not commune, convent.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Where are we...
what are we...
why are we going into a closet?
Okay.
Lizzie, what are we doing?
I'm grieving.
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Wait, don't.
♪ ♪
I shouldn't have come.
No, why? This...
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Sorry for your loss.
[ITEMS CLATTERING]
[THUDS]
♪ ♪
[ZIPPING]
Hey, Wiley.
♪ ♪
I can smell you!
Show yourself!
I know your tricks, Montgomery!
Take off that stupid nose,
or I will take it off for you.
Was your plan to watch us all talk about
how wonderful you were
before revealing yourself?
Mom, what are you doing?
I can smell you, Monty!
Mom, stop!
Ma'am, let go.
It is him, Elizabeth.
It's not him.
Mom, let him go. Hey!
Ugh!
Stop it.
Hey, hey, stop, stop.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
I'm so sorry.
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
♪ ♪
Hey. Let's just sit down, okay?
So they can start the memorial.
It's okay. It's okay.
I smell him, Elizabeth.
He's alive.
He's gone, Mom.
I know he is alive, because
this is what he does.
He lies.
And you of all people
should know that, Elizabeth.
♪ ♪
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Thank you.
♪ ♪
[ALARM BEEPING]
Did we make it?
We got three minutes.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
See you soon.
Have fun, you two.
♪ ♪
You have seconds to
enter security phrase.
, , ,
, , , ...
♪ ♪
[LAUGHS] This is so cool.
♪ ♪
...
[BEEPING] ...
No.
You have seconds to
enter security phrase.
...
Damn you, constipater!
...
You're crushing it.
You're crushing it.
We're crushing it.
,
, ...
Ah!
♪ ♪
, ...
- [HUMMING]
- , ...
Come on, come on.
, ...
[BEEPING] Ahh!
...
♪ ♪
[SHRIEKS]
Oh, my God.
♪ ♪
JQ, it's JBH.
We're in, confirming go for extraction.
[RADIO STATIC CRACKLING]
Do you copy?
Over.
, , ,
, .
[CHIMING]
Ah!
[SHUDDERING]
[GROANING]
Oi, oi, repeat that, mate.
Signal weak.
sh*t.
Maybe it's this rain?
Rain?
Not seeing any f*cking rain, mate.
♪ ♪
[WATER RUNNING]
♪ ♪
What the f*ck?
What is this?
This is her.
This is my mother just one step
ahead of us the entire time.
♪ ♪
Not a step.
The entire staircase.
You think I wouldn't spot
the concealed camera in your cross?
Elizabeth, I'm in the security business.
And the nosebleed.
Damaging a couch and then
hijacking its replacement
as if I couldn't just
as easily hijack it back
and have it delivered here.
You built all this just to embarrass us?
Of course not.
I use this replica office
to educate clients on
their vulnerabilities.
So yes, when I saw an opportunity
to educate my own daughter
on her vulnerability,
I pounced, because
after all these years,
you still fail to grasp,
when you ignore boundaries,
there will be consequences.
I came to you for help.
You came prepared to steal.
Because I knew you wouldn't
give me what I was asking for!
Why would I give you the Shroud
just to have you run
off after your father?
Oh, my God. It was for me!
I'm sorry that you have
this insane obsession, Mom,
and you have a secret museum!
An entire secret...
Insane obsession?
Is this insane?
How about this or this?
Wait, what... what is this?
ATM photos.
Nevada City, Fernley, Sparks,
all dated three days
after your father d*ed!
♪ ♪
How long have you had these?
Quite some time.
I had hoped that eventually
you would come clean on your own
and admit you were your
father's accomplice.
But instead you and Monty gaslit me
for years, tried to convince me I was...
insane.
♪ ♪
You've always been your daddy's girl,
so I don't expect you
to tell me where he is,
but please let him know
that I will be destroying his
precious Lazarus Shroud in the morning.
Goodbye, Elizabeth.
Wait, so you're just
gonna leave us here?
♪ ♪
Oi, do you read?
Come in, mate.
Yeah, we read you.
That's great. Fantastic.
You want to tell me, mate,
why your coordinates say
you're in f*cking Altadena?
Yeah, 'cause we're in f*cking Altadena!
Celeste saw us coming and got the drop.
[TENSE MUSIC]
[SIGHS]
Just come pick us up.
♪ ♪
He lied to me. I told him,
"I am not going to be your parakeet,"
and that's exactly what I
am, what I've always been.
Why is it so hot in here? Are you hot?
It's actually kind of chilly.
Really? I'm sweating.
What's a parakeet?
A parakeet is a magic thing.
Basically, back in old-timey days,
they would have these cage rigs,
where they would take
a little baby parakeet
and crush it to death.
It's a sacrifice so the trick works.
That's me.
I'm the sacrifice.
I am the parakeet. Coo-coo-ca-choo.
I needed to believe that my dad was dead
for my mom to believe he was dead.
And, oh, my God, it's just
f*cking degrees in here.
Lizzie.
What?
All your clothes are off.
I'm grieving.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Come here.
♪ ♪
Your dad's alive.
That's what I'm grieving.
♪ ♪
I have to warn you,
I am not gonna stop you this time.
I don't want you to stop me.
♪ ♪
[MOANING]
♪ ♪
[MOANS]
[NAT KING COLE'S "FASCINATION"]
Oh!
♪ It was fascination ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ And it might have ended right then ♪
Hello.
Uh, who are you?
[FOOTSTEPS TAPPING]
♪ Just a passing glance ♪
Oh, my God.
I... look, I know that
we talked about this.
Oh, oh, he... hey,
he... he can't hear you.
- What?
- Or see you.
♪ ♪
Hey, babe.
Hey.
♪ ♪
Let me guess.
You're having sex right now.
Uh, yeah, sort of.
Sometimes when you're having sex,
especially good sex, you end up here.
I don't know how or why.
But it happens.
Wait, does that mean you're...
Oh, yeah.
And you leave the glasses on.
I'm a visual lover.
♪ ♪
♪ It was fascination ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ Seeing you along with ♪
♪ The moonlight above ♪
♪ Then I touch your hand ♪
♪ And next moment, I kiss you ♪
♪ Fascination turned ♪
♪ To love ♪
♪ ♪
If you don't want him to
know you're doing the deed,
you can just walk out that door.
He can't see you,
unless you say his name.
♪ ♪
Jesus.
♪ ♪
♪ It was fascination ♪
Where are you right now?
♪ I know, seeing you ♪
I'm with...
Wiley.
Yeah.
Did you just...
you went to him, didn't you?
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to. It just happened.
Uh...
wow.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
No, no, no. That's your... you know.
Uh, it's probably best we
didn't anyway, you know?
[HORN HONKING]
Come out, come out, you lot!
- sh*t, sh*t.
- [HORN HONKING]
Of course.
Hey.
[TRUCK BEEPING]
Here.
My God!
This is beautiful!
I mean, game recognizes game, nun.
[LAUGHS]
Your mom, she's a freaking assassin!
No, no, no, let's just go.
Yep.
- [ENGINE TURNING OVER]
- Come on.
Bloody hell.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪ ♪
Your mom's definitely seen "Star Wars."
She builds a replica trash compactor
of a replica f*cking trash compactor,
for f*ck's sake. [LAUGHS]
f*cking legend!
Were you nervous?
Bet you were f*cking nervous, nun.
I wouldn't have been nervous.
You're so f*cking lucky.
Love to be in a f*cking trash compactor.
I would have f*cking loved that sh*t.
Hey, can you pull over?
I'm hungry.
♪ ♪
Whoa, whoa.
I'd like to be alone.
- You want us to wait?
- Uh, no.
I'll find my way back.
Did I do something wrong?
No, Wiley.
You were great.
[DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC]
♪ ♪
[NEON HUMMING]
[BELL JINGLES]
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, BABY BABBLES]
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I'm enjoying those exercises.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Sorry. Hi.
Are you talking to Mrs. Davis?
Um, yes.
Would you mind Proxying for me?
Oh, do you want to just use my phone?
- It's not a problem.
- Thank you.
I'm not a User.
So is it okay if I
talk to Her through you?
Um, hey, MD, there's a... a nun here.
Says she wants to talk to You.
Is your name Simone?
It is, indeed.
Yeah, yeah, it's her.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, yeah, I see that.
Go ahead, have a seat.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna be Her now.
Okay.
[CHIMING]
Hello, Simone.
"Hello, Simone."
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I'm looking at photos of my dad
taken days after he supposedly d*ed.
They came from banks,
which means they were
pretty hard to get.
Did you give these to Celeste?
"No.
I did not provide her
with any photos, Simone."
"She did, however, show them to me."
She... what?
"She had an urgent question
that needed to be answered,
and she believed that
I was ideally situated
to provide her with clarity."
What was the question?
"She wanted to know if you helped
your father fake his own death."
And you told her no, because I didn't?
"No, Simone.
I confirmed her suspicions and told her
that you were definitely
Monty's accomplice."
What? That is not true!
- [BABY FUSSING]
- I'm... I'm sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
But it is not true.
I'm not Monty's accomplice.
I had no idea.
"Oh, I'm very well aware of that."
"But My Users aren't
responsive to the truth.
They're much more
engaged when I tell them
exactly what they want to hear."
Well, that sucks.
Why... why would my mother...
"Mother?"
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING, STATIC CRACKLING]
"Redirect. . Sandy Springs."
What?
" , ."
Why... why would Celeste believe
that I was a part of
something that would hurt her?
"Because she hurt you."
♪ ♪
"Celeste is not consciously aware
of the immense guilt she
feels for harming you.
But she feels it."
♪ ♪
"She feels it profoundly."
♪ ♪
"And so she constructed a narrative
where you seek revenge,
because it's easier for her
to view you as an adversary
who wants to destroy her
than as a daughter who she destroyed."
♪ ♪
Back in Italy, You told me
that You were responsible
for my father's death.
But he's apparently not dead.
♪ ♪
Did you do that because it was easier
for me to view you as an adversary
that I want to destroy?
♪ ♪
"And how is your quest for the
Grail coming along, Simone?"
♪ ♪
Depends on whether or not
You know where my father is.
♪ ♪
Of course I know, Simone.
♪ ♪
Then tell me.
♪ ♪
Oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
- What?
- What is it?
- Oh, my God.
What? What's She saying?
No, I'm not saying what She just said.
It's too... it's too f*cked up.
If you want to know,
you can hear it yourself.
♪ ♪
[ETHEL ANN POWELL'S "GENTLE ONE"]
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Gentle one ♪
♪ Who weathered the womb ♪
♪ That bore you and those hands ♪
Hello.
♪ ♪
Yep, I'm here.
♪ Private conflicts raging ♪
♪ Yet inside ♪
♪ Oh, gentle one ♪
♪ How sad to slide on moonbeams
♪ In your corduroy best blue jeans ♪
♪ Seems to shy outside ♪
Thank You.
♪ The lunar tide ♪
♪ And what I'm trying to say to you ♪
♪ Oh, I'd like to have my day with you ♪
♪ And you know all too well ♪
♪ There ain't no guarantee ♪
♪ All I wanna do to you ♪
♪ Oh, simply make slow love to you ♪
♪ And if you break my heart ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Oh, I'll just bandage
both your knees ♪
Still sneaking into spaces
you're not invited, Elizabeth.
I'm not here to argue.
I'm here to confess.
I was dad's accomplice.
And I was the one who
suggested he use the Azra table.
I mean, I even built
it for him when he...
I mean, he couldn't do it himself.
And after his performance,
after everyone cleared out,
it was me.
I opened the table so he could escape.
Where is he right now?
Mom, I believe you're forgetting
your end of the bargain.
You promised me the,
uh... the Lazarus Shroud.
If you told me everything.
And now I've told you
half on good faith.
Now it's your turn
to give me the Shroud.
And once I get the Holy
Grail out of the whale...
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
I'll take you to Dad myself.
♪ ♪
Fine.
But I'm not letting the
Shroud out of my sight
until I see your father.
So if you must insist
on this ridiculous quest,
then I'm going with you.
♪ ♪
Deal.
♪ ♪
How did you know that we
were gonna heist the Shroud?
Your companion had a
tracker in his shoe.
Our scanner picked it up the
morning you came to visit.
What?
We didn't put a tracker in Wiley's shoe.
♪ ♪
I guess someone else did.
♪ ♪
[INDISTINCT MURMURING]
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪ ♪
- [PEOPLE GASP]
- Hans!
How dare you come in here?
Sister, please,
you will want to hear
what I have to say.
The asset under your
protection is a fake.
[PEOPLE GASP]
Luckily, I know where the real one is,
and I can take you to it.
♪ ♪
But we're going to need a boat.
♪ ♪
01x06 - Allison Treasures: A Southern California Story
Faith and technology are at odds as a nun confronts an all-knowing, all-powerful artificial intelligence called Mrs. Davis.