01x13 - Father's Day

[bunniefuu]

(Slam!)

Cliff, What Are You Doing?

Just Celebrating
The Morning Off, Dear.

Cliff, It's : .

Good. That Means
I've Only Used Up A Half Hour.

That Looks Good.

Wait Until I Put On
The Gooseberry-Kiwi Jam.

Mm-Mm-Mm.

Mm-Mmm!

Are You Going To Share?

No.

Oh, Maybe.

Thanks A Lot.

Eat Up.

You're Beautiful,
You Know That?

(Wicked Laughter)

Cliff.

(Snarling)

Wait A Minute!

I'll Be Late For Work.

I Want To Kiss You

Until It's Time For
You To Go To Work.

I'll Be Late.

Yes, But At Least
You'll Go To Work

With A Smile
On Your Face.

Every Time I Go To Work
With A Smile On My Face

Everybody Knows
Why I'm Late.

I Guess I Could Always
Sneak In The Back Way.

You Fool.

There Is No Back Way.

(Knocking)

Who Is It?

It's Rudy.

What Do You Want, Rudy?

I'm Up.

Good.

It's Snowing Outside My Window.

Is It Snowing Outside Yours?

Yes.

Could I See?

Uh... Hon, Listen--

It's Early In The Morning.

Can I See Mommy?

There's Mommy.

Good Morning, Rudy.

Morning, Mommy.

Who Wants To Play?

You're Mother And I
Are Playing Right Now.

No, You're Not.

Listen.

Come Here A Second.

It's Early
In The Morning, Honey.

You Know That Book
Dad Bought You

With Pictures
And Some Words?

Why Don't You
Go Read That?

Bye-Bye.

And Now...

I Was Kissing You

Until It's Time For You
To Go To Work.

Cliff, Look At That.

You've Got A Rip
In Your Pajamas.

Well, There Goes...

Why Do You Wear
These Old Pajamas?

They're Comfortable.

Wear The Ones I Bought You
For Father's Day.

They're Silk.
I Don't Like Silk Pajamas.

I Feel Like
I'm Sliding Around In Them.

You Never Wear Your
Father's Day Bathrobe, Either.

That Bathrobe Is So Short

I Feel Like A Roman Soldier.

You Never Wear Any Of Your Father's Day Gifts.

When You Get Me Presents,
You Get Me Things

That You Want
To See Me In.

You Don't Get Me
Things That I Like.

That's Not True.

It IsTrue.

Father's Day Has Been Like That
A Long Time.

There Are Fathers Everywhere

Who Get Presents They Can't Use
And Don't Want.

I'm Serious.

From Day One

When Eve And The Boys Gave Adam
The First Soap-On-A-Rope.

Cliff, Come On.

I'm Not Kidding.

I Have A Closet Here
That Is Full Of Presents

That They Sell
Only On One Holiday--

Father's Day!

Look At This-- I've Got
A Chest Full Of Stuff Here.

I Saved These Things

Because I Know That One Day
I Will Be About Years Old

And My Children Will Say

"Where's The Father's Day Gifts
I Gave You?"

If I Don't Have Them

They'll
Beat Me Up.

See These Ties?

None Of Them Go
With Any Suit I Have.

I Have Deodorants Here--

Enough To Have Me Smelling Like
Anybody You Want To Meet.

Also,
I Have

The Famous
Soap-On-The-Rope

Which I Have Never
Learned To Use Properly

Because If You Have To
Do Your Feet...

I Have Not Been Able
To Get Up There Yet.

Look At This!

I Had Forgotten...

Wait, Put This On.

I Have Plenty Of Things
That Light Up.

You Have No Idea.

I Have Suspenders
Someone Gave Me--

I Don't Know What The Child
Was Drinking At The Time.

Oh, Yes. Okay.

Wait A Minute.

I Love This Because
The Little Men's Eyes Light Up.

This Is More Fun!

We Ought To Do This
In The Morning

And Hope None Of
The Children See Us.

Oh, Boy!
How Am I Looking?

Great.

I Love It When You Dress Me.

Oh, Ssh.

Boy, Oh, Boy.

Now, Oh-Oh.

Let's Not Forget This.

Oh. Theo Gave Me This Tie.

My Son.

Isn't This Wonderful?

Am I Looking Wonderful
Or What?

Oh, The Yo-Yo.

Am I Looking Wonderful?

Looking Great.

Are These Serious Presents?

For Father's Day?

Last Year, I Sat In The
Living Room All Father's Day.

Children Walked Past--

"Hi, Dad.
Nice To See You."

"Hello, Dad."

Somewhere Around : , Somebody
Said, "Is The Mall Still Open?"

Oh, Cliff.

It's Not That Bad.

It Is That Bad.

You Mothers
Know How To Work Mother's Day.

First, Mothers Tell The Children

How They Carried Them
All That Time.

Then They Say

"And I'd Better
Get Good Presents

Because You Know Who Gave Me
These Blue Veins On My Legs?"

I Do Not Do That.

That's Why You All
Get Great Presents--

Because You All
Promote Yourselves Better.

I Don't Say Anything,
And Look At Me.

Let Me Show You Something.

You Think I'm Kidding.

This Is One Of
The Highlights Of My Life.

I Love It
When It Snows.

Maybe We Can Make
A Snowman Before School.

Maybe There
Won't Be School.

It Has To Snow
More Than That

Before They'll
Close School.

Your Problem Is You Like School.

You'd Go On Weekends
If You Could.

You'd Do Anything
To Get Out Of It--

Like Asking Mom About Staying
Home For The Jewish Holidays.

Hey, We're All Brothers.

Hi.

Get Down, Dad.

You Look Like Times Square.

Dad, You Okay?

Sure.

Dad, You Look Funny.

Thank You.

You're Welcome.

Good Morning.

Good Morning,
Denise.

What's Going On?

Oh, Nothing.

Are You Going To Work
Like That?

Why Not?

It Doesn't Look
Very Professional.

Why Are You Dressed Like That?

Because I Want To Talk To
All Of You About Father's Day.

Father's Day?

It's Two Weeks
Before Christmas.

I'm Giving You
Six Months' Notice.

I Want Better Presents.

Last Year We Chipped In With Mom
And Got You That Walkman.

And I Watched My Walkman
Walk Around With You All.

I Want Something For Me.

I Gave You
Lots Of Hugs And Kisses.

Yes, You Did

And Hugs And Kisses--

I Love Them To Death.

It's Hard To Shop For You
On Father's Day.

Why?

It's So Close
To Your Birthday.

Father's Day Is June th.

My Birthday Is In October.

That's Still
Two Presents Close Together.

It Can Wipe You Out.

Not If You Plan Well.

Last Year, I Found A Shirt
And A Tie Packaged Together.

I Gave Him The Tie
For Father's Day

And Saved The Shirt
For His Birthday.

The Shirt Was Too Small

And Then Rudy Took My Tie
And Used It For A Jump Rope.

You're Demanding Presents
From Your Children.

All I'm Asking You All To Do
Is Think.

Think.

Think About What?

I Don't Know.

About Who I Am

And What I Am.

You've Lived With Me
Your Whole Life

And You Buy Presents
Like You Met Me Yesterday.

Yeah, But Dad

Are You Serious
About This?

Look At Me.

Would You Go
Out In The Street
Looking Like This?

There's The
Difference--
I Would.

I Would Go Outside
Looking Like This

Because My Children
Bought This For Me

And I Love Them.

One Day

You'll Become A Father

And You'll Get All Of
These Things For Father's Day

Because I'll Come Over
And Sell These To Your Children.

I'd Like To Get You
Better Things

But I Don't Have The Money.

I'm Not Talking About
An Apartment Building.

Just A Simple
Bouquet Of Flowers.

Okay, I'll Get You Flowers.

No, Dad.
I Understand.

And Dad

Sorry About That Tie.

Somewhere There's A Suit
That Goes With This Tie.

But Don't Get The Suit!

Dad's Right.

We've Done A Lousy Job
For Father's Day.

Mom Once Gave Me $
To Buy Him A Present.

I Bought Myself A $ Bracelet

And Got Him $ Cuff Links.

All Kids Are Like That
On Father's Day.

We Could Be
The First Kids In History

To Get Our Father
Something He Could Use.

We'll Be Like Pioneers.

Let's Start Looking Today.

Are You Kidding?

It's A Great Idea.

I'll Ask Mom

If She'll Take Us Shopping
After School.

I'm Getting Him Tennis Balls,
And I Don't Care What They Cost.

Mom, You Look Tired.

I Don't Know
Why I Should.

I've Only Spent Hours

Tramping Through Every
Store In New York City.

Mom, Think Of The Look
On Dad's Face

When He Gets
The Perfect Gift.

May I Help You?

Where Are Your Tennis Balls?

We Don't Carry Tennis Balls.

Schmiddhauer's Is
A Specialty Store.

We're Buying Gifts
For My Husband.

Would You Like To See Some Of
Our Popular Christmas Items?

This Is For
Father's Day.

Avoiding The Rush?

I Think
We'll Just Browse.

Excuse Me.

How Much
Is This?

$ . .

For A Tool Kit?

It's The Complete Home Tool Kit.

I Saw This On Tv For $ . .

The Tools Are $ . .

The Schmiddhauer Name Is $ .

I'll Just Take
The Tools.

They're Not
Sold Separately.

Theo, You're Not
Getting Him Tools.

I Might.

If You Do,
He'll Start Fixing Things.

He Likes Fixing Things.

He Also Likes You To Help.

Theo, In This Box
Are Your Weekends.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Dr. Huxtable?

Oh, Mrs. Lee.

I Brought My Husband In
So You Can Talk.

Ben, This Is
Dr. Huxtable.

Dr. Huxtable,
My Husband, Ben.

Ben, Hello.

Nice Meeting You.

Good.

I'll Wait Outside

So You Can
Get To Know Each Other.

Make Yourself At Home.

Thank You.

Would You
Like Coffee?

Sure--
Cream, No Sugar.

Your Wife Is Healthy.

You Must Be A Proud Man.

Yeah. We've Waited For This Baby
A Long Time.

You Must Be Tickled.

You Got Kids?

Yeah, Five.

All Right!

A Keep Them Barefoot And Pregnant.

"Barefoot And Pregnant"?

I'm An Old-Fashioned Guy.

I Thought They Died Out
Long Ago.

I've Done A Lot Of Things--

Four Years In The Marines,
Two Years On The Pipeline...

But There's Nothing Like Having
A Pregnant Wife

To Really
Prove Your Manhood.

"Prove Your Manhood"?

I Told The Wife I Want To
Have Lots Of Kids.

Every One Of Them Will Know
I'm The Boss.

Well, Mr. Lee...

The More Kids
You Have

The More People
Will Tell You

That You Are
Not The Boss.

Doc, I'm Telling You
I'm The Boss.

The Days Of Being The Boss,
The "Barefoot And Pregnant"--

That's Years Ago.

The Old-Fashioned Man Is Out.

There's More To
This Relationship

Than Being The Boss.

You're Not
The Boss...

Neither
Is She.

The Boss Will Be That Baby.

I've Been Married Years,
Mr. Lee

And Each Day, My Wife And I
Grow Closer Together--

Mainly Because
We're Afraid Of The Children.

Cliff!

Hey!

Cliff!

What's Going On?

You're Supposed To Be
At The Hospital

Making Your Rounds.

Oh, Really?

You're Not Supposed To
Be Home For Ten Minutes.

What Kind Of
Trick Is This?

Go Stand
Across The Street.

I'll Wave To You...

Across
The Street?!

It's Degrees!

Honey, I'm Sorry.

Take This. Be Warm.

(Knocking)

What Is Going On?

Cliff, The Kids Wanted To
Surprise You For Father's Day.

They Did.

They Went Out Today

And Bought Me Presents?

They Shopped
All Afternoon

From Store
To Store.

I Have Great Kids.

Yes, You Do.

What Did They Get Me?

Quick!

Okay.

Put This
Around Your Neck.

Get Outside

And Wait Till
I Call You.

Will Ralph Edwards
Be Here?

Kids, Come Downstairs!

Is He Home?

No, But He'll
Be Here Soon.

Okay, Everybody Get Ready.

I Forgot To
Sign The Card!

I Think I Hear Him.

Surprise!

Happy Father's Day!

Oh, You Shouldn't Have!

You Made Us.

Golly...
This Is Really Wonderful!

Open Them!
Open Them!

Okay!
Okay!

Ah, Boy...

Okay...

"To A Great Dad
On Father's Day--

"Even Though It Isn't.

Love,
Vanessa."

I Hope You Like It.

You Know I Will.

Think!

Think!

There's More!

Yeah.

It's The Complete
Home Weather Station.

I Have Nothing
Like This.

Dad, You're
Always Asking

"What's It Like
Out There?"

This Will
Tell You.

Uh-Huh.

Thank You.

Happy
Father's Day.

That's Mine.

This Is You?

Yeah.

All Right.

"Dear Daddy,
It's Not A Tie..."

All Right!

"...Love, Denise."

"It's Not A Tie."

All Right!

Okay...

It's An Electric
Ice Cream Scooper.

Oh... Yeah.

This Part
Warms Up

So You Won't
Hurt Your Wrist

When You're Scooping
Ice Cream.

Thank You.

Do You Like It?

I Love It!

Here You Go, Dad.

All Right, Now.

Read The Card.

Oh.

"Gonna Be A Father?
It Will Cost You A Pretty Note.

Rock-A-Bye, Baby."

They Didn't Have
Father's Day Cards.

All Right.

Slippers.

They're Not Just
Slippers, Dad.

When You Go Outside
In The Morning

And Get The Paper
When It's Raining...

Just Do This.

Rubbers.

All Right!

All Right!

Rubber Slippers!

Here, Daddy.

And Where's
Your Card?

No Card.

All Right.

(Humming Fanfare)

Tennis Balls!

I Hope They're The Right Size.

Yes, I'm Sure
They're The Right Size.

I Looked In Your Closet.
There Was Only One Left.

You Know,
They're The Right Size!

Cliff?

Oh..!

Now We're Cooking.

"Dear Cliff:
No Gift Could Ever Equal

"What You've Given
To All Of Us.

Love, Clair."

Oh, No...

It's An Early Edition
Of The Debates

Between Abraham Lincoln
And Stephen Douglas.

This Is Great.

Thank You.

You Know...

These Are The Greatest
Christmas Presents

I've Ever Gotten
For Father's Day.

And The Thing About It Is

You All Did It By Thinking.

Thank You.

Happy Father's Day!