02x03 - The Burger Games

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

What do you have on?

You've been watching
Kamala Harris videos again?

No.

-Yes.
-Mm.

But this is because there's a new student
starting at East Packer today.

And as class president,

I'm in charge of the welcoming committee.

Well, as vice president,
I'm in charge of vetoing that outfit.

Now hold up. When I was a new student,
I didn't get a welcoming committee.

Well, yeah, but this kid is actually
transferring from another school.

You just materialized out of my phone.

And which one of those scenarios do you
think deserves a welcoming committee?

♪ You put that sandwich in a baggie ♪

♪ And you seal it up real tight ♪

♪ You give that sandwich to the kid ♪

♪ And send them off until tonight ♪

♪ Then that kid sneaks off ♪

♪ And then they take a little bite ♪

♪ School lunch ♪

-[laughs] There you go!
-Nice.

Sadie, why are you dressed
for church on a school day?

Yeah, I thought maybe it was her first day
working as a bank teller.

Morning, Lay Lay. Kamala.

-I'll change after breakfast.
-Mm.

What do you know? Lay Lay's right again.

Mom, Dad, there's something
I want to try out.

The kids at school have been taking
a martial arts class

that sounds fun.

It's called kick-ra-te.

You mean karate?

No, kick-ra-te.

It's like karate, but with extra kicking.

The best student gets named
the Kick-ra-te Kid.

Ki-yah!

That's me.

Oh, well, maybe
you and I could take a class.

You know Mama's always down
for a good workout.

Hee-yah!

Oh, you want to go, too?

Yeah! I'll sign us up.

Look out, world.

Here comes Trish "Dojo Cat" Alexander!

Psyched for some mother-son time!

I can't do mother-son time.

Dad, you have to come with me.

What, me? Why?

You know what Mom's like.

She's gonna get all aggro
and completely take over.

Marky's right. Remember when we got her
that birthday massage?

She fired the masseuse and did it herself.

Yeah, and kept yelling,
"Nobody is more relaxed than me!"

Okay, I'll take you, Marky.

Yes! Thanks, Dad.

And if you ever need someone to shield you
from Mom being too extra,

I got your back.

Don't promise
what you can't follow through on, son.

♪ I'm Sadie's affirmation app ♪

♪ And so no matter what happens
I got her back ♪

♪ 'Cause see my homey Sadie
Wished on a star ♪

♪ She said, "I wish you were real"
Now I'm as real as you are ♪

-♪ And now who's coming out the app? ♪
-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

-♪ Who's avatar power is to freeze? ♪
-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

♪ All day, all day, it's your girl ♪

♪ That girl, that girl,
that girl Lay Lay ♪

[upbeat music]

[Principal Willingham] Put it up higher.
I want everything to really say "welcome."

The sign literally says "welcome."

I get it, Principal Willingham.
It's not every day we get a new student.

Why is everyone making such
a big fuss over this kid?

When I was new,
I taught Sadie how to dance.

Whoa, I had a few of these moves
in my arsenal, okay?

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Back it up, back it up, back it up.

Yeah, you need to put them back.

Uh, what does this new kid have
that I don't?

Ooh! I'll answer that.

He's an elite gamer with a huge following.

He's also got a popular online channel

where he eats anything
that's put in front of him.

I saw him eat a tamale full
of mayonnaise and crickets.

It was disgusting...

and awesome!

He's also a champion football player.

[scoffs]
And our team could really use that.

Right now we have the mascot
playing quarterback.

Everybody, he's here!
He's here! Get ready!

[trumpet fanfare]

Let's all give a warm
East Packer High welcome to...

Colin Bartholomew!

[cheers and applause]

Actually, I go by Cobo.

The "Lin Artholomew" is silent.

Welcome, Cobo.

I'm your new princi-pal, Zelda Willingham.

Nice to meet you, Z Willy.

-I like your sweater vest.
-Oh, thanks.

I was just using it to cover up
breakfast burrito stains.

I love breakfast burritos.

Uh, who doesn't?

He is not special.

Let me show you to your locker.
It's number .

Oh, great. is my lucky number.

Of course, so is and , .

Number ? That's my locker!

Hold up, burrito buddies!

Uh, Principal Willingham,
that's my locker.

Oh.

Oh, it looks like I made a mistake.

I should have told you yesterday
I was kicking you out of your locker.

But where am I gonna put my stuff?

Oh, I'd offer to share mine,
but I don't want glitter on my textbooks.

I think I have a spare cat carrier
in my office.

You're gonna want to sweep it out first.

"Sweep it out"?

What happened in that cat carrier?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Pressed white uniforms?

Lessons in self-defense?

A clearly defined ladder
of success with swag?

I love kick-ra-te!

Back when I was learning my techniques,
or as they say in Japan...

Uh, Trish, Trish, uh, let's let the boy
learn from a professional.

-[scoffs]
-I mean, uh, w-why don't we let the boy

experience it for himself?

Okay. If you don't want the wisdom.

All right, circle up!

Greetings, young warriors.

I am Sensei Jim.

And welcome to kick-ra-te.

Kee-yah! Ha!

Now, after your training,

the best student will be named
the Kick-ra-te Kid.

That's why I'm here.

Can I get a volunteer?

Oh, all right, you.

Sir, let's see your front kick.

You got this, Dad.

[exhales sharply]

Cha!

Okay. Try more like this.

[exhales sharply]

Kick-ra-te!

Oh. [chuckles]

That's the same move I did for a dance
in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.

[exhales sharply]

Woof!

-I played Snoopy.
-Very good.

-Whoo-hoo! That's my dad!
-[Bryce chuckles]

Guess my musical-theater training
is paying off.

Do we also fight while snapping?

Uh! Uh! Gah!

Okay, no, no, no.
Listen, we never fight, only defend.

And, um, don't ever snap-walk
in my class again.

Got it.

I want a turn!

Kick-ra-te Kid, here I come!

-Okay, hold on, Marky.
-Whoa!

I can do a spin kick, too.

Wait.

-Incredible. That's an advanced move.
-Yeah, it's from The Lion King.

Oh, so is this.

[grunting]

Calm down.

Yeesh.

Your father's
a little extra today, isn't he?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Sadie, I hate this cat carrier.

I hate not having a locker.
And I hate Cobo!

[Cobo] What's up, new friends?

Is he talking to you?
'Cause he for sure ain't talking to me.

Nothing to fear. Cobo's here.

Bars.

[gasps] That is our thing.
That is not for him!

Cobo is about to go live with me
as my guest on Trending with Tiffany.

Wait, I thought I was your guest
on the show today.

Yeah, but I kind of want
people to watch it.

I-I didn't realize
I was taking your spot, Lay Lay.

Maybe we could all do it together.

No, no, no, no, no, I'm a solo act.

Good, we agree. No Lay Lay.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Man, that Cobo kid
is taking over the school.

I mean, even the cafeteria
named a sandwich after him.

It was a Reuben. It already had a name!

Well, we're here now.
This is a safe space.

You don't even have to think about Cobo.

-[door opens]
-What up, Boombox Burger?

Sweet James Brown, he is everywhere!

Excuse me. Are you the owner?

Do you see anyone else here
who embodies ' s hip-hop the way I do?

[chuckles] You see the chain?

You know, I was gonna ask
if you were in Wu-Tang.

Ugh! That is literally the nicest thing
anyone has ever said to me.

Hey, so I saw
the "help wanted" sign outside,

and I'd like to apply for the job.

Oh, confidence, charm,
a willingness to compliment me.

[chuckles] You hired.

"Hired"? Him? Here?

Nah.

Hey, Woody,
don't give that job away just yet

'cause I want it.

What are you doing? Since when
do you want to work at Boombox?

Girl, I don't.
I just don't want Cobo to work here.

Uh, so, Woody, who's it gonna be?

There's only one way to decide this.
[chuckles]

-[horn honking, engine revving]
-[Woody chuckles]

The Burger Games! [chuckles]

You two will compete
in a series of challenges

to see who is most qualified
for this coveted position.

Wow, that's a weird way
to hire somebody for a job.

Well, if you're not about this life,
you know...

Oh, I am all about this burger life.

Okay, well, get ready
to mix it up Boombox style.

And may the coolest kid win,
'cause that's me!

Ooh.

Still the coolest.

[upbeat music]

We are here
for everyone's favorite competition,

the Burger Games!

[crowd cheering]

And I'd also like to introduce
my co-host, Sadie Alexander,

who is here because
she owns the microphones

and I did not want to pay her
to rent them.

[chuckles]

That's right, Woody. You're very cheap.

All right, let's get this started.

In one corner, measuring
nearly five feet of fun,

it's my bestie and everybody's favorite
exchange student from Houston,

-Lay Lay!
-[crowd cheering]

And in the other corner,
he's new, he's true,

he's better than you,

a beau with a flow
and a style you know, he's Cobo!

[crowd cheering]

And now... let the Burger Games begin!

[horn honking]

First up, the wet-rag wipe-down.

[crowd cheering]

-This round goes to Cobo!
-[crowd cheering]

Next up, the squirt-off.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd oohing]

This round goes to Lay Lay!

[crowd cheering]

It's time for the dirty-dish duel.

[crowd cheering]

Lay Lay wins this round!

[crowd cheering]

What? But she broke all my plates!

Well, you should have specified that
in the rules.

And, finally, the burger toss.

[grunting]

-Cobo wins this round!
-[crowd cheering]

-[crowd cheering]
-[Woody] Yeah. Yeah, all right!

So who's gonna get the job, Woody?

Actually, overall, you two are tied.

But since Cobo is drawing in a crowd...

Hey, I got fans, too!

Yes, two.

Anyway, we're gonna finish
this thing off tomorrow.

That's right. Everyone, come back
for a final tiebreaker round

of the Burger Games.

[crowd cheering, horn honking]

[Sadie]
And what a grand finale it will be.

Our contestants will compete
in the burger build-off,

stacking patties and ingredients
into a burger tower

and then carrying it
to a waiting customer.

And we all know who's gonna win,
your girl, Lay Lay.

[crowd cheering]

What do you say to that, Cobo?

Cobo.

[crowd chanting "Cobo"]

[Lay Lay] No! No!

That is not why I said his name!

I didn't stretch, but, uh, let's give
the people what they want.

Pow!

[crowd chanting "Cobo"]

The burger build-off is today,
and I cannot let Cobo win!

I mean, everything comes too easy
for that guy.

He doesn't even pronounce his whole name.

And I do mine twice! I put in the effort!

I don't think I've ever seen anybody
get under your skin like this.

That's exactly what it feels like,
like he's under my skin.

It's all itchy and uncomfortable.

Wow.

Jealous much?

I'm not jealous.
I just want everything he has.

And I want to win.

So I'm gonna do the finals
the Lay Lay way.

Ugh, Lay Lay, please don't tell me

you're gonna use your powers
to make yourself win.

No!

I'm gonna use my powers to make Cobo lose.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

What are you looking at, dummy?

Kee-yah!

Uh, no, no, Marky.

See, your fist stays
in your sleeve until kee-yah!

Sensei Jim, I'd like to show you
a new move I just created!

I like kick-ra-te, and I like Dad,

but I really don't like them together.

Agreed.

He's getting all aggro
and completely taking over.

Who does that?

I have to admit, I really thought

you would be the one
to dominate the class.

Aw, thank you, Marky.

Not a compliment.

It's too much!

Once he's in Snoopy mode,
there is no stopping him.

All right, everybody, it's time to pick
the Kick-ra-te Kid of the month.

[scoffs] I think we all know
it's gonna be me, right?

Not so fast.

First of all, you're a grown man.

You can't be the Kick-ra-te Kid.

Second of all, you're a grown man!

Marky, are you making a challenge
for the title?

This would mean
a face-off between you two.

The loser leaves the dojo for good.

Oh, whoa.

That's serious.

You sure you want to do this, Marky?

Oh, I do.

You're going down, Charlie Brown!

I was Snoopy.

[upbeat music]

Welcome back for day two
of the Burger Games!

-[cheers and applause]
-Games, Games.

Look at all these people.

Quick, tell them they got to buy something
if they want to stay.

The burger build-off starts soon,
so hurry up and order,

because apparently it's mandatory.

Let's go, Cobo!

Sorry I'm late.

I had to dig my old uniform
out of storage.

It was under all six
of my wedding dresses.

Let's go, Cobo...oh!

Time to get started.

The first contestant to get
your burger tower to your customer wins.

Don't expect a tip.

In three, two, one!

[air horn blares]

Time for the real fun.

-What do you think you're doing?
-Sabotaging Cobo.

I'm gonna sneak some of this
slippery mayonnaise into his plate.

But when he tries to carry it,
it'll slide and fall.

Oh, you've done this before, huh?

No, no, no.

Lay Lay, I'm not gonna let you use
your powers to cheat.

What if I don't let you not let me?

[gasps]

Oh, look at that, a double freeze.

I am good.

Hmm. Mm.

-[snaps fingers]
-[gasps]

Did you just freeze me?

No, I would never.

You know what? You've convinced me.

I'm not gonna sabotage Cobo
'cause that's the wrong thing to do.

I knew you'd do the right thing.

Yep, that's me,
always doing the right thing.

-[snaps fingers]
-Go!

-[crowd cheering]
-And the burger build-off is on!

It doesn't get more exciting
than this, burger fans.

-Whoo-hoo!
-[cloth rips]

-Did you just rip your pants?
-Yes, I did.

It was a very powerful kick.
Now everybody stop talking about it.

[laughter]

Wow, so cringe.

I should just go.

Sadie, Sadie, wait. Here.

Tie this around your waist.

Thank you.

All right, back to burger business!

You, too, Sadie, Sadie, Pants Rip Lady.

Wow.

The guy that I just sabotaged
just bailed out my bestie.

Man, dang him and his heart of gold!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

The challenge has been issued.

Two may enter, only one may remain.

[exhales sharply]

Kee-yah!

-Four out of five.
-Whoo, yes!

Forever shall I reign, Kick-ra-te Kid!

I have to break five boards to win, Mom.
I don't know if I can do it.

Yes, you can.

Because you are
Marky "Trish's Son" Alexander.

And you can do anything
you put your mind to.

Or my name isn't

Trish "My Kids Can Do Anything
They Put They Minds To" Alexander.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Kee-yah!

Three out of five.

-Bryce wins.
-[laughs] That's right!

Don't hunt what you can't k*ll, son!

You can't take down the Kick-ra-te Kid!

Ba! Ba! Cha!

Oh, this is not a good look for me, is it?

We have talked about this.

I said something as well.

Hey, uh, look, I'm sorry, son.

I got carried away.

You earned being the Kick-ra-te Kid.

No more kick-ra-te for me.

[chuckles] I'll leave.

Thanks, Dad.

Can you take Mom, too?

What? What did I do?

You and I both know as soon as Dad leaves,

you're gonna get all aggro
and completely take over.

You're right.

It's time that we let him do something
on his own.

We should go.

-[Trish sighs]
-[Bryce] Ba! Ba! Ba!

[both] Cha!

[upbeat music]

Who will be the first to bring
their burger tower to their customer

and secure the title
of winner of the Burger Games?

Burger, cheese, lettuce, Ts.

That's what I call tomatoes
to make it rhyme.

[chuckles]

Dang it.
I hate not being able to hate this guy.

[snaps fingers] So, about earlier...

You mean when you were gonna cheat and
sabotage Cobo, but I talked you out of it?

-Yeah.

Turns out I froze you, too,
and I sabotaged Cobo.

You did what?

Wait. Of course you did.

I know, but I was wrong.

And so now I'm going to un-sabotage Cobo.

Man, I must really like you, Sadie.

[both] Burger, cheese, lettuce, Ts!
Burger, cheese, lettuce, Ts!

And we've got a race for the finish line!

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[plate shatters]

[groans]

Boom! Burger.

And Cobo wins the Burger Games!

[horn honking]

Yeah, congratulations, Cobo! You hired!

Now go clean up that mess.

Thanks for doing the right thing, Lay Lay.

Yeah, well, it wouldn't have been
as much fun b*ating him

after he was so nice to you.

Besides, I don't want
that junkie job, anyway.

Oh, good game, Cobo. Congrats.

Yeah, right back at you.
Game recognizes game.

You can have your locker back.
I'll use the cat carrier.

That is a terrible deal for you,
and I will take it.

-See you at school tomorrow, Cobo.
-Uh, you're gonna be there again?

Uh, yes, indeed.

♪ Go, Cobo, get your mop on ♪

♪ Get your mop on, go, Cobo ♪

-♪ Get your mop on, get your mop on ♪
-[Lay Lay] Girl, come on.

[all] ♪ Go, Cobo, get your mop on
Get your mop on ♪

♪ Go, Cobo, get your mop on
Get your mop on ♪

♪ Go, Cobo ♪

[upbeat music]

Boy, you must be happy
to have your locker back.

I am loving my cat carrier.

It keeps my biceps on swole.

I hope you don't think
that's gonna catch on.

How cool are these new mobile lockers?

I'm usually the one starting trends,

but in this case,
I'll happily be a follower.

You know, you know, I do what I can.

[laughs]

No, I had the cat carrier first!
I started this!

I'm the cool kid!

-I did this!
-I know, I know.

[That Girl Lay Lay laughs]
I'm a good friend.

I'm a friend who will

never judge you for anything that you do.

When it comes to me and my friends,

we don't necessarily have to talk
every day

to know that we're still cool.

Whenever I just need them, they're there.

Being around them does a lot for me.

My best friend is just like me.

We send each other memes all day.

And, like, we just laugh at it,
and then we leave it at that,

'cause we think everything is funny.

And that's life with That Girl Lay Lay.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]