02x06 - Dylan and Rebecca's Cleve-Land-Land Adventure

[bunniefuu]

[hip-hop music]

It's BoomBox Breakfast, b-b-baby!

What can I get you?

Ooh, I'll have the Big Pun-cakes.

I'll have the Funky Cold Burrito.

Uh, I'm going with the Biz Mar-quiche.

I'll just have the avocado toast.

Oh, you mean the Bel Biv De Avocado Toast?

There's no way I'm saying that.

Oh, Sadie, don't text your mama.

She thinks we're at a farmer's market
getting rutabaga smoothies.

This is my notes for the talent show.

As class president,
it's my job to find great acts.

Oh, well, you found one.

♪ I don't mean to boast on avocado toast ♪

♪ But I think it's better said
From rhymes inside my head ♪

♪ Add a little salt, add a little mayo
And I don't even need a wallet ♪

♪ Mr. A is gonna pay-o ♪

So that's why you invited me.

Yo, Lay Lay, that was fire.

[scoffs] Comin' from you,
that don't really...

Thanks, Cobo.

Hey, my dad's buddy is in town
and he's a bit of a name in hip-hop.

I bet he has some tips that could make you
the dopest act in the talent show.

I would take the advice, Lay Lay.

Trish and I learn new things
about our craft every day.

-That's how we won...
-We get it, Dad. You won a CHOFMA.

Lay Lay, I'm just trying
to help you be great.

Like me at football and basketball

and making friends
and saving the sea otters.

We get it, Cobo!
You're great at everything.

Sorry, sorry.

I'm also really good
at talking about myself.

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

Sorry I'm late, Principal Willingham.

I had a bit of school work
I had to finish up.

School work?
We're putting on a talent show.

You need to get your priorities straight.

We've gotta get serious.

Now, what do you think
about filling our lobby with water

and having a private yacht
for the audience to sit on?

Sounds like a lot
for just a school talent show.

Just a talent show? Just a talent show?

Do you know what
West Packer High is doing?

Something reasonable?

They're going to have elephants
who paint pictures with their trunks.

Do you have picture-painting elephants?

Let me check my notes.

No, no elephants.

We can't let West Packer out-elephant us.

Every year they raise a ton
of money for their school.

We have to be bigger and better.

Principal Willingham,
the talent we have here

will have donations rolling in

like picture-painting elephants
on roller skates.

Elephants on roller skates?
Sadie, don't be extra.

Your legacy as class president
will be forever tied

to the success of this show.

Remember, bigger and better.

Bigger and better. Yeah, don't you worry.

I know I'm not.

Not even a little bit.

[giggles nervously]

Sadie, the talent has arrived.

I composed a rock opera
inspired by my play Musical Genius.

It's in the key of G
for genius and Graydon.

And I'll lip-sync my favorite song.

That's a talent?

Honey, when I do it, it is.

♪ I'm Sadie's affirmation app ♪

♪ So no matter what happens
I got her back ♪

♪ 'Cause, see, my homey Sadie
Wished on a star ♪

♪ She said, "I wish you were real"
Now I'm real as you are ♪

♪ Now who's coming out the app? ♪

-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪
-♪ Whose avatar power is to freeze? ♪

-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪
-♪ All day, all day it's your girl ♪

♪ That girl, that girl, that girl ♪

♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

[doorbell rings]

Oh, it's Cobo.

Well, isn't that disappointing.

It is great to see you too, Lay Lay.

I brought my dad's friend with me,

but, uh, you know,

the driver wanted a picture with him.

Oh, come on, Cobo.

You say this dude is hip-hop royalty,
but does that just mean he brings

boomboxes to the family barbecues?

Because I'm not wasting my time with a guy

who raps and grills chicken
on the weekends.

I make a mean brisket too.

You're DMC from Run-DMC,
the Kings of Rock, there is...

Yeah, yeah, I know the rest.

You are a living legend.

You, Run, and Jay were the first rappers
ever nominated for a Grammy.

-Very nice to meet you, Lay...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, come sit.

I have so much to ask you.

Who do you think would win in a rap battle
between Rakim and Big Daddy Kane?

Ooh, which rapper had the best sneakers,
Kurtis Blow or LL Cool J?

[gasps] Which Fat Boy was the fattest?

Lay Lay, was there somebody at the...

[both gasp]

-Is that...
-DMC from Run-DMC?

Hi! Hi, DMC.
I'm Trish and this is my wife, Bryce.

-We are huge fans.
-Huge fans.

We're also in the music business.

Yeah, guess that makes us peers, huh?
Would you like a selfie?

Nah, nah. I think I'ma remember this.

I was at your concert in high school.

I was the one in the th row
with the sign

that said, "Will you marry me?"

Say what now?

He obviously didn't see the sign
because I'm standing here with you.

-[giggles]
-Um, guys? Come back.

Do you think you could give me
a little alone time with Mr. DMC?

-Oh, yeah, sure.
-[both chuckle]

We'll just "Walk This Way."

[laughs]

-Yeah, "Whose house?"
-[chuckles]

Actually, it's my house, but you get it.

-Fans, am I right?
-For real.

Cobo tells me you got bars.

Let me hear something.

Hmm.

♪ I'm the great fly hope
And my rhymes are dope ♪

♪ You think you're better?
You don't want to battle, nope ♪

♪ My name is Lay Lay I came to play play ♪

-Yes.
-You're good.

And I should know,

'cause I'm the all-time great.

I agree.

I am the all-time great.

That's not what he said.

You're on track to be great.

There's a difference.

Um, come again?

What you're saying, anyone can say.

You need to figure out
what only you can say.

What? DMC, did you become a weatherman?

'Cause you all up in here

trying to rain on my parade, sir.

Put that rocket back
in your pocket, short stuff.

It's all love here.

Look, DMC is just saying
you have room to grow, right?

Like when I first started
playing basketball.

Actually, I was great at that right away.

What was something I struggled at?

Lay Lay, great performers
use their experiences

to connect with their audience.

Tell your story.

And if people can relate,
you'll k*ll it on the stage.

Okay.

Challenge accepted. I got this.

I hear there's a talent show coming up.

How about this?

Instead of you telling me you're great,
why don't you show me you're great?

You want to come to the talent show?

It's either that or I sit around
listening to Cobo

list all the things that he's great at.

Cobo, let's go.

Talking about all that brisket

got me feenin' for some barbecue.

Oh, I am the greatest
at finding barbecue j...

Yep, I heard it. You right.

♪ ♪

Now, are you gonna wow me
with the auditions

for this talent show?

I think I'm doing all right.

All right?

No, I need you to push harder.

-[gasps]
-Sadie...

I need you to look into my soul.

It's a little dark in there.

Six ex-husbands will do that.

But go a little farther.

Now make a right. There.

Do you see that tiny little light there?

Yeah, I think I see it.

That's all the happiness I have left.

And if this talent show
doesn't make more money

than West Packer High,
that light is gonna go out!

Do you want that, Sadie?
Do you want my light to go out?

No, no. No, ma'am.

Can I have my face back?

As you were.

I'm sorry about your husbands.

♪ ♪

Hey, Lay Lay. How'd it go with DMC?

He break off some wisdom
like a hip-hop Yoda?

Oh, yeah, he said for me
to write a great song,

-I need to connect with the...
-Yeah, yeah.

What'd he say about us, though?
Did he know who we were?

Yes, he said you guys were
"cupcake writers."

OMG, he knows who we are!

I told you, baby, our peers are talking.

[both grunting]

Okay.

Um, time to write some gold, Marky.

I just need to dig into my life
and rock that audience at the talent show.

What are you gonna rap about?

You've only been out
of Sadie's phone for a year.

You have the life experience of a toddler.

Remind me to never ever
come to you for advice again.

Well, you could write a song
about crashing a go-cart through a wall

or how to make exploding gumbo.

-What rhymes with gumbo?
-You're a dumbo.

Hey, people already think
you're from Houston.

-Why don't you rap about that?
-But how?

I've never actually been to Houston.

Just look it up.

You know the internet's not just
for posting selfies, right?

Well, I guess I'll give it a sh*t.

They say "fake it till you make it"
for a reason.

If not...
♪ Crashing go-carts through the walls ♪

♪ Got people running in the halls ♪

...could be a winner.

Please leave the rapping
to me, little one.

♪ ♪

We're excited for the auditions today.

Excited for you, not us.

We don't get excited
because everyone here is so eh.

Sadie, be prepared to have
your mismatched socks blown off.

[energetic piano playing]

♪ It was the th of December ♪

♪ Yeah, that was whe... ♪

Now, that's entertainment.

[Graydon] Lugnut, what was that?

That was the arm
of a tenth grade dodgeball champion.

It was also me making
your act bigger and better.

Dodging balls while doing a rock opera?

Who wouldn't donate after seeing that?

-[chuckles]
-All right, now, from the top.

And don't forget to duck.

If you think I would stoop so low

as to...aah!

[Sadie] Whenever you're ready, Tiffany.

All right, regulars,

prepare to be amazed.

[lip syncing] ♪ Well, good for you
You look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪

-Cut, cut!
-[tape squeaks]

Tiffany, I said this year
we needed bigger and better.

What I just saw was smaller and blech.

[gasps]

Okay.

I've been called a lot of things,

but never "blech."

I've got something that'll make
your little routine bigger and better.

You want to dance?
Dance on these hot coals.

-[squealing]
-[music starts playing]

[extinguisher hisses]

You're welcome.

That's it! I'm out of here.

People, we can't have
subpar acts on this stage.

It's greatness or nothing.

Who's got greatness?

I can say the longest word
in the English language.

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

Can you say it while covered in bees?
'Cause I'm bored.

They're right. You're impossible.

Does anyone have anything worth watching?

Jeez, Sadie, everybody quit.

I told you not to push too hard.

What?

That's the exact opposite
of what you said.

I say a lot of things.

Your job is to listen
to the ones that make sense.

None of them ever make sense.

♪ ♪

[sighs deeply]

Look, a breath of sad air just blew in.

Well, maybe this will cheer you up.

I just finished my song
for the talent show.

Finally, some good news.

Prepare to make your depressed face
an impressed face.

♪ Houston, we don't have a problem
'Cause that's where NASA be ♪

♪ The Astros got busted
It was a catastrophe ♪

♪ Houston is the city
Where I'm from, my dear ♪

♪ We get inches of rain per year ♪

What was that?

A song or an ad
for the Houston Board of Tourism?

I know. It stinks.

I'm sorry, Sadie.

I tried to do what DMC said,

but I just don't have enough
life experience to be great.

Again...

♪ Crashing go-carts through the walls ♪

-♪ Got people... ♪
-Shut up, Marky.

This is so bad.

What am I gonna do?

My class president legacy will be ruined,
the show will be a disaster,

and we won't out-raise West Packer High.

It can't be that bad, Sadie.

I'm sure the other acts
will help you raise money.

There are no other acts. They all quit.

Well, I'm out.

Where you going?

To go get my tickets
for the West Packer High talent show.

I'm not wasting my good money
on your debacle.

♪ ♪

What are we going to do?

How can we raise any money
if I don't have any acts?

Really?

I'm in the middle of a crisis,
and you're giving Bacon a spa day?

Well, since I don't have a life experience
to write a song about,

guess I'll just have to do
a ventriloquist act with Bacon.

I just need a pig-sized top hat
and a monocle.

Seriously? That's your act?

[scoffs] That's all I got.
What do you want?

A mediocre rap or a talking pig?

We can't out-raise West Packer High

with just one act,
and definitely not that one.

Well, why did everyone else quit?

I told them their acts needed to be
bigger and better.

-But they couldn't handle my suggestions.
-Oh.

Either everyone who auditioned
was that bad

or you were a jerk.

Yeah, you're right. I need to apologize.

Well, you go do that.

Bacon's gonna practice
singing "Single Ladies"

-while I drink a glass of water.
-[Bacon snorts]

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Oh, look who showed up

to the first meeting
of We Hate Sadie Club.

Yo, your boy's not a member, okay?

I just can't say no to a free button.

I guess I deserve this.

I'm so sorry. I completely lost my head.

And I really disrespected you
and your talents.

My talents.

She's a lip-syncer.

So you were groveling?

I was.

I made this talent show
all about outdoing West Packer High

instead of making it about our school
and what we wanted to showcase.

Even a lip-syncer.

I will start
a We Hate Graydon club so fast.

-Continue.
-If you accept my apology,

we can still have a great show
with your acts as-is.

You guys are amazing.

You're unique and talented.

And the special skills
you bring to this show

is what's gonna make it a huge success.

So what do you think?

-No.
-No?

Your apology is good,

but it could be bigger and better.

How?

Oh, no.

I really disrespected you
and your talents.

Hey, hey!

Whoa! [groans]

Apology accepted.

Still not in the club.

I'm just really good
at throwing dodgeballs.

♪ ♪

Wow, Sadie, you did so good!

West Packer High is in trouble now.

Look at this place.

It's more packed than my first, second,
and fourth weddings.

-Thanks, I just hope it goes...
-Shh, Sadie, be cool.

DMC from Run-DMC is in the audience.

-Talk me up so he notices me. Go. Go.
-[Sadie] Okay.

Welcome, everyone,
to East Packer High's talent show!

[applause]

-I'm...
-Hello.

Oh, please, don't get up.

I'm Sadie, and this is
Principal Willingham.

Wow, that lady's thirsty.

As you can see,
we have our giant thermometer

tracking donations from everyone here

and watching our livestream.

Coming to the stage ready to lip-sync

and dance an original routine
she choreographed

to a song she did not write,

it's our very own Tiffany Highlander!

[applause]

[lip syncing] ♪ Well, good for you
You look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you you're doing great... ♪

Looking good, Bacon.

Just remember, if you get nervous,

-just imagine everyone in their underwear.
-[Bacon snorts]

Wow, the show is going great so far.

You said to apologize and you were right.

-You're always there for me.
-Come on, Sadie.

Don't make me blush in front of Bacon.

I know you haven't had
a lot of life experience,

but you packed years of friendship
into one year of life.

Oh, Sadie, you just gave me a great idea.

Something I know
the audience will connect to.

-I'm gonna perform a new song.
-Wait, it's not the Houston song, right?

I said new.

Oh, I gotta get back to the show,
but break a leg.

Sorry, Bacon.
This new idea doesn't include you.

That's showbiz, my little stinky friend.

[Tiffany lip syncing]
♪ God, I wish that I could do that ♪

♪ I've lost my mind I've spent the night ♪

♪ Crying on the floor of my bathroom ♪

♪ But you're so unaffected
I really don't get it ♪

♪ But I guess good for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, good for you
You look happy and healthy ♪

♪ Not me, if you ever cared to ask ♪

♪ Good for you, you're doing great
Out there without me, baby ♪

♪ God I wish that I could do that ♪

♪ I've lost my mind I've spent the night ♪

♪ Crying on the floor of my bathroom ♪

[cheers and applause]

♪ I guess good for you ♪

All right.

Great sandwich-eating, Cobo. [giggles]

Mm-kay.

All right, we're almost to our goal,
so everyone keep donating.

Now, for our final act,

please welcome my best friend Lay Lay.

[cheers and applause]

This is the one I came to see.

No, she's not.

Here's my phone number.

Yo, DJ, drop the b*at.

[hip hop-b*at playing]

♪ Hype me up, hype me up
Hype me up, yeah ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up
Yeah, hype me up ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up
Hype me up, yeah ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up, here we go ♪

♪ Make a good day better
Secrets I tell her ♪

♪ Everything safe
Keep it G, we go-getters ♪

♪ Through thick and thin
We know we gonna win ♪

♪ We stay down
That's my twinnie twin twin ♪

♪ Nobody got me like my crew ♪

♪ Nobody tells us what to do ♪

♪ 'Cause first thing's first
We gon' act a fool ♪

♪ And nothing comes second to me and you ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up
Hype me up, yeah ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up what, what ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up
Hype me up, yeah ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up ♪

[cheers and applause]

That was brilliant.

I need a friend like that.

Even if they lip-sync.

[grumbles]

Maybe that's what all
my marriages were missing...

friendship.

Lay Lay!

You was awesome. You k*lled that stage.

So does that mean I can be
the Queen of Rock?

No doubt.

That was great!

Right when you started performing,
viewership tripled

and donations poured in.
I have no idea how that happened.

That was me. I hit up all my followers.

I can't stand West Packer High.

Thank you, Mr. DMC. Thank you!

It's actually Mr. McDaniels.

I know, I'm just super awkward.

Not as awkward as your principal.

She be illin'.

♪ Hype me up, hype me up, hype me up, yo ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up, hype me up, yo ♪

♪ Hype me up, hype me up, oh ♪

♪ Hype me up! ♪

♪ ♪

Mental health is very important.

I preach about that all the time.

I love to do yoga.

Don't get me wrong, but when
I'm finally relaxed and sitting,

I just start thinking of all the things
I forgot to do.

There's so much going on in the world.

I love to cloud-watch.

Like, whenever I'm stressed,
I just go outside,

I look at the sky, look at the birds.
I like to hear the noise outside.

Somehow, nature calms me the most.

[exhales deeply, laughs]

And that's Life with That Girl Lay Lay.