02x05 - IQ Commeth

[bunniefuu]

[theme music plays]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

That was the hardest test I've ever taken.

Oh, please, I'm sure you got your usual high score.

I just hate those math questions.

If Karen buys a shirt for $

and a pair of pants for half that much,

how much has she spent?

Not enough to look good!

Ugh, I'm so stressed! I need to go spend some money!

What's with the two of you?

Everyone knows these tests don't mean a thing.

I've been bombing them for years and look at me.

Come on, Lila. We don't wanna be late for gym.

Since when have you cared about being late for gym class?

Not gym class, Jim Johnson.

He should be getting out of swim practice just about now.

What is with these tests that make a normally smart person

forget every fact they've ever known?

I know.

It took me five minutes to remember my name.

[chuckling]

Ow!

Hey!

Get back here and apologize to her!

What did you say, four eyes?

Uh, well, perhaps I phrased it rather rudely.

Shut up, we heard what you just said.

Oh, again, it's my fault completely.

When this gentleman asked me what I had said,

I assumed that he didn't hear me.

Come here, geek!

Wrong assumption.

Stop it, you're gonna hurt him!

You must be crazy to talk back to me!

How long has mental illness run in your family?

About three years. My mom, she's totally cuckoo.

-[Liz] Leave him alone! -I mean completely out there.

I guess it was only a matter of time before it struck me.

Say goodbye to your teeth.

Give me some time!

There's of them!

Hey!

What's going on?

None of that here.

We're just foolin' around with our good friend, Winston.

-Yeah. -Get to class.

Sure.

I'll see you around...

[slamming]

Buddy.

Later, pal.

[students talking in background]

[male student] Okay, I'll see ya later.

[locker rattles]

[students laughing and chatting]

Way to go, Jess!

Congratulations.

I'm so proud of you!

Thank you.

What for?

Jessica Wakefield, a !

I always knew you had it in you.

Wait a minute ...

I got a on the college compatibility test?

You sure did.

[Jessica] I don't believe it.

I've got a meeting to get to, but congratulations,

and don't be nervous.

I know you'll do a fine job representing the school

in the academic bowl.

What is the academic bowl?

It's like a game show for students.

Do I get to turn letters?

No, you have to know about history,

literature, and science.

You and Mortimer are going to the state competition.

It's being held here this year.

Wait a minute, I'm gonna be in a contest

with some geek named Mortimer?

Hi, I'm Mortimer Plunk.

Hi, Waka Jessfield.

I mean, Jessica Wakefield.

It's nice to meet a girl that doesn't have to

rely on her looks.

Yeah, well, it wouldn't be fair to everyone else.

Let's meet at the Moon Beach later to discuss strategy.

Strategy?

Right.

See ya there.

[Jessica sighs]

This academic bowl may not be so bad after all.

And the $ prize doesn't hurt things either.

$?

Who woulda thought, it pays to be smart?

I'll meet you at the library.

I'll brush up on European history, you take science.

Start with the theory of relativity.

No offense, Mortimer, but I don't think anyone cares

about my relatives.

That's funny.

[mellow rock music]

Gimme three large Cokes and an order of fries to go.

And this guy's gonna pay for it.

Right?

It would be an honor.

[Brad] I thought so.

Why would Todd hang out with those dirtbags?

Ever since he got back from Vermont,

he's been acting like a jerk.

You tell your friend he can't hide from us forever.

We'll find him eventually, and when we do,

we'll crush him like a worm!

Ow!

Get out from under there.

You know, you're right, Manny.

Your left foot is bigger than your right.

Hi.

Nice glasses.

Mind if I borrow 'em?

[Brad's Friend] Dude, toss 'em here.

[Liz] Come on, you guys.

[Brad] Want 'em? Can't have 'em.

[Brad chuckling]

Todd, come on, help me out here, man.

[Brad] Around the back.

[Brad's Friend] Geek.

Yeah, knock it off guys.

[thumping]

Look, can't we just forget about this?

Sure, I think we can do that.

For $.

Excuse me?

$ and we'll forget the whole thing.

Don't do it Winston, it's blackmail.

Technically, it's extortion.

Look, I'll make it real easy for you.

Either you get us the money, or you'll be sippin'

your French fries through a straw.

It's up to you.

Later loser.

[Brad's Friend] We'll be back.

I can't believe Todd just stood there

and let that happen.

He really hung you out to dry, Winston.

Tell me about it.

To think I gave that guy some of the best years

of my life.

You're not gonna pay those guys off, are you?

What choice do I have?

I don't look good in black and blue.

Where am I gonna get that kind of money?

I'm totally broke.

I'll lend it to you, Winston.

If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be in this mess.

I've got just about that much saved up.

Thanks, Liz.

[birds chirping]

Where are you goin'?

Where are any of us going?

I think it was Camus who put it best when he said,

"Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?"

Jess, I think that was Diana Ross.

The dress is gorgeous. Is it new?

Why yes it is, and I must say, I find your compliment

to be most gratifying.

Jess, why are you talking like Spock?

Mortimer appreciates a woman of great intellect.

He called me pithy.

I think that's a compliment.

No need to be bitter.

I'm not bitter.

Or defensive.

I'm not defensive.

I refuse to engage in this sibling rivalry.

Jess, I couldn't be happier for you, I mean it!

Oh, sweet, sweet denial.

Look, I'd love to stay here and wax poetic with you all day,

but I have to go.

I just came by to let you know I borrowed $

from your Holly Hobbie music box for the dress.

What?

That was everything I had!

I'll replace it with the money I win

in the academic bowl.

I can't believe you.

You violated my privacy and took the money

I promised to Winston.

That's stealing!

Don't be such a killjoy.

I said I'd replace the money and I will, with interest.

Did you ever stop to consider that you might not

win this thing?

[Jessica sighs] Liz, you're so negative.

While you see the glass half empty,

I see a glass of Half & Half.

Fully, or something like that.

[footsteps approaching]

[door creaks]

Please tell me you brought the money.

I'd love to tell you that, but ...

We have a little problem.

What, what problem?

Jess took the money without asking,

and now we have to wait till she wins the academic bowl

to get it back.

That's a little problem?

No, no, no, losing the TV remote,

that's a little problem.

Having your physical well-being depend on

Jessica's intelligence, that's a big problem,

big problem, huge problem!

Tremendous, enormous, gigantic problem!

This problem's gonna k*ll me!

You better win this academic bowl.

Oh, I'll not only win it, I'll set a record.

I guarantee it.

Jessica.

[sighing deeply]

I'm not sure how to say this.

What, Jeopardy called?

No.

What then?

There was a mistake in the scoring process.

It seems you got a , not a .

I don't understand this.

How could that've happened?

It was someone's first day at the scoring center,

and he got nervous and spilled his coffee

in the grading machine.

That idiot!

Well, was he fired?

No, but he is switching to decaf.

[chuckling]

But seriously, Jessica, given the situation,

I wouldn't blame you for backing out of the academic bowl.

In fact, I'll go tell Mortimer myself.

Wait!

Yes?

I've been studying really hard for this.

I don't wanna back out now.

Well, if you feel confident,

I'll respect your decision.

Good luck.

Are you really gonna go ahead with this?

[Jessica sighs] I have to.

I can't let Mortimer know I'm not the brain

he thinks I am.

Well, I guess you better go hit the books, huh?

Didn't you just hear chrome dome tell me I got a ?

Yeah.

It's obvious studying is not gonna do me any good.

I have a better idea.

[mysterious music]

Hi guys, I was just looking for ...

-[slamming] -you.

Pay-up time.

Look, I've -- a little short on the money right now,

but I fully intend on paying you.

Here's my concept:

easy installments of . a month.

Stomp on him, Brad.

Nah, he's no good to us messed up.

But look here, you got until three o'clock

on Friday to get us the money,

and if you don't, you're a puddle with glasses.

Sounds...

disgusting.

We'll see you in hours.

[friend chuckles]

[tense music]

[clock ticking loudly]

[Liz] How can you just stand here and let them

torment him like that?

[slamming]

He used to be your friend.

[Todd] Yeah, used to be.

Look, I realize you're going through a lot right now.

But shutting out the people who care about you isn't the answer.

Look, I really don't wanna have this conversation

-right now. -[locker slams]

Well, you're gonna have it.

If you wanna make your own life miserable,

then that's fine, but don't drag Winston into this.

The only thing he ever did to you was be your friend.

Yeah, well, Winston's a big boy.

He can take care of himself.

Well, you better hope that you can take care of yourself,

'cause if you keep acting like this,

people are gonna stop caring about you.

Don't worry, Winston, we'll figure something out.

Winston, I know you and I don't know each other that well,

but you look like you can use some help.

Well, unless you have $ in your wallet,

I don't see how you could.

Look, when I was a model, I took boxing

to stay in shape.

If those guys want to fight, give 'em one.

I can teach you a few moves that just might

surprise those Neanderthals.

[intense horn music]

[upbeat funk music]

♪ Go ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ Go ♪

[phone ringing]

[Ernie] Ernie Schlevick.

Oh, hello, dear.

Yes, yes, dear.

Okay, now what is it you want from the market?

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Okay, I got it.

I'll be home soon.

Quick, some guy down the hall's calculating

the square root of five million and on an abacus.

Crazy kids!

I better stop them before they hurt themselves.

This is insanity.

There's nothing insane about it.

Where better to get the test answers

than from the guy running the test?

Well, let's just get them and get out of here!

[Jessica sighs] Where are those test answers?

What's this?

Got it.

Good, let's go.

By the time I finish memorizing this list,

I'm gonna be known as Jessica Einstein.

That's Einsteen, dummy.

Hello, students, and welcome to the th annual

academic bowl competition.

Please give a warm round of applause

to the host of our academic bowl, Wink Blinkendale.

[audience applauding]

Welcome everyone to our first exciting round

of competition.

On my right, please give a hand to the contestants

from Sweet Valley High.

[audience applauding]

They'll be butting brain stems against our geniuses

from Rolling Hills Tech on my left.

[audience groans]

[Girl In Audience] Way to go, you can do it!

The winner will go on to the second round

of competition.

The loser will receive a lovely parting gift:

the home version of academic bowl.

-[audience groans] -Let's get right to the game.

Students, hands on the buzzers, okay.

Come on, Jess, you know how I like solid foods.

[Wink] First question.

Name the solution that is formed

when the chemicals ammonia and sulfate are mixed.

[buzzer dings]

Jessica.

Milk.

-[buzzer buzzes] -Oh no, I'm sorry.

The right answer is sulfuric acid.

Okay, let's get focused.

Name the despotic militant ruler of Italy in the s.

[buzzer dings]

Jessica?

Fettuccine.

No, I'm sorry.

The correct answer is Mussolini.

That's Mussolini, not fettuccine, which of course,

is a form of pasta.

Are you getting enough oxygen?

[Wink] This one once again will be in the category --

Huh?

Okay, onto the next question.

What was the nickname given to President Roosevelt's wife,

-Eleanor? -[buzzer dings]

Jessica?

-Kitty litter. -[buzzer honks]

[audience groans]

[Man] All right.

No, that's incorrect.

[Winston] I'm doomed.

Now might be a good time to reissue a reminder

to all contestants that they think before they answer.

I can't believe this.

What, that she's missing every question?

No, that she got even a on that test.

[Wink] First and foremost, that would be --

What are you looking at?

At least we get the home game.

I'm just glad it's over.

Hey, look on the bright side, you did set a record.

Yeah, the lowest score ever in Sweet Valley history.

That's quite a feat.

Actually, I'm relieved.

It's too much pressure being the smartest

and the prettiest girl in Sweet Valley.

Philistine.

I can't believe he doesn't even remember my name!

-Gosh! -[dramatic instrumental music]

[clock ticking]

Well, it's three o'clock.

No sign of those g*ons.

Guess they heard I've been workin' out.

[Winston chuckles]

Sure, anything is possible.

Right.

[Male Student] There he is, there's Winston.

[Female Student] Check it out, he's here.

[Male Student ] There he is.

Time's up, dork!

Where's the cash?

I'm sorry to inform you thugs of this ...

But you shan't bet getting my money this day.

[audience groans]

[Male Student ] Way to tell him.

[Brad chuckles]

[Female Student] Leave him alone.

[Male Student] Come on, Winston.

[western music]

[Male Student ] All right, Winston!

[Female Student] You can do it!

[western music]

[Female Student] He's just a big bully.

Get ready for a world of pain!

Wilkins, what are you doing?

I'm doin' what I shoulda done a long time ago.

This guy's my friend, man.

My real friend.

If you got a problem with him, then you got a problem

with me, too.

[Male Student] Yeah, all right.

Thanks for the help, Todd.

But I'm not scared of these losers.

I'm primed, pumped, and ready to brusify.

[Male Student] All right, Winston!

So step aside, let the games begin.

Okay, your call.

[students shouting]

Hope you got Blue Cross in your speed dial.

Come to daddy!

[students shouting]

I told Todd he didn't have to step in.

What was he supposed to do?

The guy knocked you out cold.

Still, I'll bet his fist is pretty messed up, huh?

Oh, absolutely.

Real mess.

Do you think this means Todd's come around for good?

I don't know, Winston.

But I hope so.

[theme music plays]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪♪