02x13 - Reading, Writing, Rescue

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

All right, you forced me to use the P word, please.

I can't help you plan this retreat,

it's a cheerleader thing.

Just thinking about being in a room

with all that pep makes me wanna gag.

If I don't come up with something

for the cheerleader's retreat this weekend,

they're gonna kick me off the squad.

Maybe you shouldn't have waited until two days before

to start planning.

How was I supposed to know?

Isn't it enough that I offered to help?

They didn't have to take me up on it.

-How rude! -In Brazil,

we save all our celebrations for the Carnival

where we dance until we fall on the ground

and then we sleep for nine days.

-On the ground? -Thanks, Isabelle,

that helps me not at all.

Well, as you say here

in the Valley of Sweetness, whatever.

Well, if it isn't our new lovely foreign exchange student.

[clears throat]

And others. [laughing]

So Isabelle, how'd you like to join me

on my family's yacht this weekend?

What is this yacht?

You know, when people wait on you hand and foot

and you don't eve have to be nice to 'em.

Oh, a judge, let me think about it, no.

Yacht, did someone say yacht?

If you won't be using it,

I would be glad to take it off your hands

for my cheerleading retreat.

Let me think about it, no.

Oh, you make a joke, but you do not amuse me.

Why don't you try impressing her with your generosity?

Lend me the yacht.

Hmm, generosity, mmm. Doesn't work for me.

I think Isabelle's playing hard to get.

Think again, I as usual have the real scoop.

What amuses the Brazilian bombshell

is stealing other girls' guys.

I guess that makes two girls in Sweet Valley

that you'll never get a date with.

Wait a minute, that just might work.

Oh, I'm so brilliant.

Are we intruding on this little conversation

you're having with yourself, or do you care to share?

Bruce has a yacht and needs a girl.

You need a yacht and are a girl.

You do the math, or better yet,

let me do the math for % commission.

Pretend to be his girlfriend?

I don't think so, besides,

I never date anyone who looks in the mirror more than I do.

Come on, Jess, I mean, unless you don't think

you have what it takes to make Isabelle jealous.

[bright music]

[Liz] Enid, soccer tryouts couldn't have been that bad.

I'm telling you the girl was built like a bulldozer.

There was no way the soccer coach

was gonna choose me over her.

Can't you be an alternate?

Not a chance, I can't even warm the bench right.

-[Liz] Come on. -No, I'm serious, I fell off.

Watch out!

See, I can't do anything.

You do plenty of things well.

[Enid] Yeah, right.

Weren't you in the marching band?

I've been afraid to practice

ever since I swallowed my clarinet reed.

That must've hurt.

Not as much as the tuba section falling on me

when I stopped short to give myself the Heimlich maneuver.

Why don't you come join the Oracle?

I don't know anything about working on a school paper.

Neither did I until Liz asked me to help

with that special photo essay.

We'll never know until you try.

Come on, give it a sh*t.

Okay, okay, but just remember,

you asked for it.

[Lila] Mr. Patman, do you understand

that under the terms of this contract,

you are to provide Miss Wakefield and her guests

the use of your yacht for the entire weekend.

-I do. -I'm not marrying you.

-I understand. -In addition,

Miss Wakefield will also receive

unlimited use of your cellular phone,

free food at the Moon Beach,

her own cabana boy at the country club.

Where does it say what I get?

In exchange, Miss Wakefield will be seen

with Mr. Patman in front of Isabelle

on no more than four occasions,

and only when it suits Miss Wakefield's schedule and mood.

Take it or leave it.

[Bruce] This better be worth it, Wakefield.

[Jess] Anchors aweigh.

Done, well I'm off.

This commission money in my pocket

is magnetically drawing me west,

Nine West to be exact, ciao.

Hi, Lila. Bye, Lila.

Let's see, I've got invitations to send.

That's it, the yacht's crew will be doing the rest.

I wonder if we should invite the captain to limbo with us?

How 'bout one of those dates?

I happen to know Isabelle's at the Moon Beach right now.

The contract doesn't go into effect until midnight,

by which time I will be getting some serious beauty sleep.

Fine.

What was all that about?

Only the deal of the century.

For helping Bruce make Isabelle jealous,

I get his yacht for my cheerleader's retreat,

and a list of perks a mile long.

Jess, don't you think that's a little dangerous?

So we'll wear life vests.

Not the yacht.

You and Bruce can barely stand each other.

There's some things I can't handle,

but this is not one of them.

I take that back, there's nothing I can't handle.

Ahh, must be nice to be you?

[bright music]

Hey, do you wanna take some pictures at the pep rally?

I need to finish up the roll,

so I can take it to the developer.

Gee, that sure doesn't look like

my photo journalistic Barbie Instamatic.

Pull up a chair, we'll show you how it works.

[Enid] Thanks.

[Boy] Whoa, whoa.

It's easy, you just point and sh**t.

Come on, give it a try.

I knew I couldn't do this.

-I can't do anything. -It's okay.

I was really looking for an excuse not to print it.

-You were? -Yeah.

-So in a way, you kinda helped. -I did?

Not bad for my first day, huh.

Is that the dark room, I'll get more film.

-[Cheryl] The light's on. -Enid, wait!

-What? -Um, Enid, um,

I don't think we need you anymore today.

Why don't you come back tomorrow?

Sure.

See you later, guys.

-She'll catch on. -Right.

[Bruce] Where is she?

Hurry up and give me the flowers so I can get out of here.

No Isabelle, no yacht.

And here she comes.

Even these long-stemmed red roses pale

in comparison to you.

Oh, Bruce, you're so good to me.

-Hi, Isabelle. -Hello, Jessica.

Hello, Billy.

Bruce.

And you look especially ravishing today.

But no one's drop dead gorgeous as my Jessica.

As they say, the love, it is blind.

[Jess] What?

Putting your arm around me was not in the deal.

Relax, it's not like I enjoyed it.

You're dismissed for now.

-Not so fast. -What do you want now?

The keys to the Porsche.

-In your dreams. -Read the contract.

How's events calendar coming along?

One day at a time. Get it? Calendar. Days.

A late development, Enid, Chess Tournament

has been postponed until next week.

Chess club, gotcha.

Will we have room for a reminder

about the pep rally in the gym tonight?

Pep rally, you bet, just as soon

as I win one more game of Donkey Kong.

Maybe it would be a good idea to save the games

until after The Oracle is ready to print.

You know, that would be even more fun

'cause it would seem like a reward.

Good idea, Liz. No wonder you're in charge.

All righty then, pep rally is canceled,

and the Chess Tournament is tonight in the gym.

[Boy] Where are you girls going, we were just about to--

I was cheering for nerds?

Someone will pay for this.

Wait, wait. Don't leave yet,

I was just about to use the Karpov Defense.

-[Girl] I've got it! -All right.

[Girl] Match point.

Here, I'll explain it to you.

This is the racket and this is the ball, use them.

I'm saving my best stuff for Isabelle.

Well, you'd better pull it outta storage

because she's here.

Stand back Agassi, Sampras, Becker.

-Patman has arrived. -Just stay out of my way.

[Bruce] What? What did I say?

[upbeat music]

[Girl] Nice sh*t.

I've got it.

-I've got it. -I've got it.

[laughing]

Are you okay?

Sure, I think my bracelet broke my fall.

[laughing]

Don't look now, but your little Brazil nut

keeps peeking out from under her big hat

which, by the way, proves our country's a year behind

in fashion headwear.

How would my hot partner like some cool iced tea?

One glass, two straws?

Oh, hi, Isabelle, I--

That is, we didn't see you there.

I guess we were too busy looking at each other.

-[Bruce] Jacuzzi, dear? -Sure.

You know, you were really great out there on the court.

Where'd you learn to play tennis like that?

You can drop the act, she can't hear us anymore.

No, really, I had a lot of fun with you.

Well, it wasn't the worst time I've ever had either.

[Boy] Did you remember to lock my car?

Give me the keys.

Oh, bonus.

Is she watching, or should I wait to open it?

I haven't seen Isabelle all morning,

you'd better go ahead.

It's to replace the one that I broke when

I fell on you at the tennis court yesterday.

It's beautiful. Thank you.

And see, it's silver.

I know how you think gold clashes with your hair.

You actually listen to what I say?

Maybe you're smarter than I thought.

Wow, that was--

That was so...

Perfect.

I'm so glad you feel the same way.

-Morning. -Good morning.

There's orange juice in the fridge

and a fresh pot of coffee.

You know, I have a sister just like you.

Except, usually, I have to drag her out of her bed.

Can I help it if I'm excited about starting my day?

So, what's going on?

It seems my business deal with Bruce

is paying off in more ways than I thought.

What do you mean?

I know it sounds crazy,

but Bruce is really different once you get to know him.

I think I actually like him.

Well, I'm sure you know what you're doing.

Who said that, did I just say that?

[bright music]

Surprise!

-What's this? -It's my review

of Sweet Valley's newest eating establishment,

-the Empty Trough. -Wow!

I didn't even assign this yet.

I wanted to make up for that whole chess club,

pep rally mix-up.

Enid, this is great.

-What's this? -Oh, that's my receipt

from the Empty Trough. I thought you might need it

for the money I took from petty cash.

$?

Well, I wanted to do a really thorough job,

so I tried everything on the menu.

I don't recommend the crab chimichangas,

or the German chocolate cake.

I'm gonna go lie down.

I didn't know we had petty cash.

We don't, that was the money for the new printer.

What am I gonna do about Enid?

[Cheryl] Well, you better do something,

or there may not be an Oracle.

Ah, my lovely partner in crime,

have I got a surprise for you.

What, here in front of everyone?

I wanna take you out to dinner

at your favorite restaurant.

You got yourself a date.

And to think, Liz tried to stop me

from entering our contract.

That contract was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Now Isabelle wants me to teach her to play tennis.

She's in the palm of my hand.

And I couldn't have done it without you.

Dinner's a special thanks from me.

I can't believe you.

Hey, are you okay?

Of course, I'm just allergic

to that cheap cologne you wear.

[soft music]

Cheryl said you wanted to see me.

Enid, we need to talk.

This isn't about the butterscotch, is it?

Butterscotch?

Most of the keys still work, and I mean,

you don't really need the K anyway,

a C makes the same sound.

-[Liz] Oh. -I knew I was a disaster.

Everything I touch goes wrong.

[Liz] Enid, wait.

Everyone makes mistakes. You're doing a great job.

I just wanted to promote you to, um, games editor.

The Oracle doesn't have any games.

That's because we don't have the games editor.

Wow, I'm an editor?

I'll get right on it. I'll just get another keyboard.

Sure.

How nice of you to cancel your other plans

to be with me.

Are you sure Jessica won't mind?

Well, we just won't tell Jessica, will we?

It's your serve, Isabelle.

You're so good at this game, why don't you serve for me?

What's wrong?

You didn't even try to hit it.

But I am over here, and the ball,

it was way over there.

In our country we have a little thing called running.

You might've heard of it.

To run it would make me perspire. So unfeminine.

How lucky you are not to be concerned with these matters.

[Lila scoffing]

No big deal, we'll just try it again.

[Latin music]

[grunting]

Get off! Get off me, you stupid American. Get off!

Are you okay?

Ah, no, this tennis, it is terrible.

You will take me shopping now.

[Enid] Surprise!

Uh-oh.

Oracle should not look this good.

It's about time someone cleaned up this place.

Do you love it?

She may need a moment to adjust.

I cleared off the bulletin board,

reformatted the computer discs,

threw away all those sticky notes,

and erased the chalk from-

Wait, basically you're saying

that you tossed out everything that Liz

and the rest of the staff uses to publish The Oracle.

And I still had time to get my crossword puzzle

in today's issue.

-It's all filled in. -Oops!

I wanted to make sure it worked.

Who knew pink pencil would show up so well in the printing.

Take deep breaths and count to .

Well, I believe my work is done for the day.

But I'll be back bright and early tomorrow.

Can I kick my best friend off The Oracle?

It's the only thing she thinks she's good at.

Possibly ruin her self-esteem forever?

Yes, I think I can.

Now you're thinking clearly.

Finally, that oxygen's reaching your brain.

[Cheryl] Tell me you haven't been here all night

putting this place back together.

I'd love to tell you I wasn't,

but I never lie, new policy.

Do you want me to stay with you?

No thanks, this won't be pretty. Save yourself.

Enid, this isn't easy to say, but--

Neither is this, and so, I wanna do it fast.

Liz, I challenged the Bulldozer for my old spot

on the soccer team and I got it.

You're leaving The Oracle?

I mean, you're leaving The Oracle?

I know you've come to depend on me,

but you can do it on your own.

I'll try, Enid. I promise I'll try.

Come on, it's not like

we're not gonna see each other anymore.

-I'm still your best friend. -I know you are.

So, what was it you wanted to tell me?

I just wanted to thank you.

You've really made a... a difference around here.

Ow!

Weren't you wearing that yesterday?

Was I? Hmm.

Hey, Jess, I heard you and the cheerleading squad

had a blast on my yacht.

Listen, I was just wondering if you'd like

to go out to dinner with me tonight?

The contract's fulfilled, I'm out of it.

Besides, you got Isabelle, you should be thrilled.

This has nothing to do with the contract, or Isabelle.

I'd just really like to see you tonight.

Not a chance, Patman.

If you thought this was anything other than business,

you were flattering yourself.

You and me actually dating? As if.

Fine, suit yourself.

And another thing, Patman...

Thanks for the bracelet.

♪♪♪

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪♪