01x07 - Scary Stories to Tell Your Cloud/The Pumpkin Pageant

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Once there was a captain ♪

♪ He was a serious dude ♪

♪ Well he crashed into a mountain ♪

♪ Man it lightened the mood ♪

♪ Speaking of lightening the mood ♪

♪ Speaking of thunderous joy ♪

♪ In comes Parker J, a raincloud ♪

♪ Looking for new employ ♪

♪ The beardful captain said, "Hey!" ♪

♪ The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" ♪

♪ They started working together ♪

♪ What a magical sight ♪

♪ The Middlemost Post, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪

♪ The Middlemost Post ♪

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪

[spooky music]

♪ ♪

- And done. Check it out, Angus!

- Hmm.

Parker, the thing is, when you carve a pumpkin,

you gotta actually carve it.

Like so. How's yours coming, Russell?

[angelic music]

- [gasps]

- [sighs]

- Ya can't win 'em all, girl. Ya can't win 'em all.

Ahh!

- Nobody panic. It's just a power outage.

I have a foolproof plan to handle these things.

Step one, wait it out.

- What's step two?

- It's a one-step plan, Parker.

- I know step two.

We tell scary stories.

Oooooooooh.

- We could if there was a step two, but there's not.

So we wait it out.

- C'mon, Angus. It's Halloween.

We gotta tell scary stories.

Unless you're too afraid.

- Me afraid?

Hogwash, I just wasn't sure you two

were ready to hear the scariest story of all time.

- Lay it on us, big guy.

- Alright then, you asked for it.

This one's called "The Cursed Best Friend."

Many years ago,

there was a kid in town much like yourself,

whose name was, um, Shmarker.

Yeah, Shmarker.

Shmarker enjoyed hanging with a best bud.

Let's call that bud Shmurt.

The two pals loved to whoop it up and high five one another.

Until one day,

one very dark day when an epic high five went bad.

Shmurt's arm was torn right off!

Never to be seen again.

These two buds were inseparable.

Unfortunately, Shmurt and his limbs were not.

Shmarker set out to find Shmurt a new arm,

one just as good as the last.

And wouldn't you know it, the kid found the perfect one.

♪ ♪

It was surprisingly easy.

♪ ♪

- Brains. - Acorn.

- At first, life went back to being totally normal.

Mmm, sorta.

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

Hm? [laughing]

[dramatic music]

Ahhh.

- However, Shmarker's incredibly dashing

and savvy other best bud, Shmangus,

noticed something a "little off" about Shmurt.

Shmarker didn't believe the smart friend Shmangus'

claims against Shmurt were true

until it was too late.

[motor grinding] - Ahh!

- [gasps] Hm!

- Shmarker found a lone beanie...

- Ah!

- And a missing walrus tooth.

One by one, all of Shmarker's best buds disappeared.

- Ahh!

- What did Shmurt do to them, Angus?

- Something terrible, something hard to say.

- What did he do, Angus? What did he do?

- Shmurt and his cursed, grody arm

turned the best buds into recyclables!

- Ahh!

[shrieks]

- Okay, my turn.

My much scarier story than your scary story

is called--is called, um,

The Middlemost Goat.

- I think you mean the Middlemost Ghost, Parker.

- Nope, I mean a goat.

- [baas]

- Well, everyone knows that a goat eats anything.

But the Middlemost Goat only ate one thing, people.

You would never know how evil it was by the looks of it.

- [baas]

- It had the cutest little rainbow horn,

the fluffiest fluffer of a tail,

and instead of walking, it pranced.

Still, it ate people!

- Be careful with my groceries, Ryan.

- [baas] - Hey, look.

A cute little go--ow!

[motor grinding] Why, why, goat, why?

You were so cute! - [whistling]

- The goat ate lots of people.

Like, so many people. It was crazy.

- Bro, no, bro. Oh, bro, no, bro!

Ahh!

- There was only one hero

who could stop the goat from snackin' on peeps,

the Paranormal Goat Hunter Carter K. Cloud.

CKC for short.

By the goat hunter's trusted side

was a bumbling sidekick, Angus.

- Hey, the least you could do is change my name.

- Okay, CKC's bumbling sidekick, Dingus.

- Well, that's better. Hey, wait, no.

- Together, the two climbed the treacherous mountain

looking for the cave of the Middlemost Goat.

The elements were too tough for Dingus,

who pooped out pretty quickly.

- Grr.

- But alas, the famed goat hunter found the goat's cave.

It was an educated guess.

The brave, brave, strong Carter K. Cloud

Cloud snuck into the cave,

and you'll never believe what our hero saw.

- What? What?

- Wait for it.

- Out with it, Parker. - Math.

- [squeals] Wait, what?

- Really, really, really hard math.

Turns out, the goat was super smart.

Carter took him in and paid for the goat's college.

He graduated top of his class and became

the first doctor astronaut with four legs and a horn.

Carter K. Cloud, by the way, went on

to win the Nobel Peace Prize and also the Stanley Cup.

[giggles]

- You're telling me the goat stopped eating people

and went to college instead?

- Yup.

- Parker, buddy, that's not a very scary story.

- I wasn't done.

Sure, the Middlemost Goat stopped eating people,

but it started eating something else.

- What?

- The mail. - Ahh, no, not the mail!

- Lots and lots of mail. Like, so much mail!

- But it's illegal! Ahh!

Okay, no more scary stories.

- What about me-e-e-e?

[all screaming]

- Sorry.

I got a piece of candy corn stuck in my throat.

I was out trick-or-treating in this dope goat costume,

and I saw your lights off.

You three okay?

- We're great, Lily. Wanna hear a scary story?

- I think we've heard enough.

- This one is called

"Alien on the International Space Walrus."

During a voyage through the Middlemost Galaxy,

the renowned International Space Walrus

was hit by an unknown force.

[all screaming]

- The no-nonsense Captain Lipley

sent her bumbling sidekick, Angus...

- Aw, c'mon.

- To go assess the damage.

- [laughing]

Oof! [giggles]

- He didn't make it far.

- Ugh! [screaming]

- Lipley knew she had to take matters into her own hands.

Skitter, skitter, skitter.

Pshh.

Puh-pew, puh-pew, puh-pew.

Psstssh.

Drip, drip, drip,

drip, drip, drip.

Pkshh! Pu-shhu!

Pow, pow, pew!

Boom, expl*si*n noise. - [clears throat]

Lily, you can't just do sound effects.

You gotta say the words, too,

or else we can't follow the story.

- Oh, right.

Long story short,

Captain Lipley finally came face to face with the alien.

- [shrieking]

- They fought a lot, which was pretty exciting.

- [hisses]

- Turns out, the two were evenly matched.

Nonetheless, Captain Lipley got the upper hand.

She was good like that.

But before she could blast the alien into space dust,

the creature spoke.

- What did it say? What did it say?

- It said, "Hey dawg, why you trying to hurt me?

"I just want to be your friend

"by hugging your face.

That's how we aliens do."

So Captain Lipley picked up the alien

and let it hug her on the face.

And the two became best friends.

- At least the "bumbling sidekick" didn't die.

He was just getting a hug, too.

- Oh, that was no hug.

The alien needed a place to lay its eggs.

- Oh, come on!

- And that's exactly what it did.

It laid its eggs,

lots and lots of eggs, like, so many eggs.

all: Oh, my cloud!

- [groans]

- Awesome story, Lily.

- All right, scary story time is officially over.

- What about Russell?

She hasn't gotten a chance to tell one.

- Sure, why not. Do your worst, girl.

- Wah!

[clicking]

- Wait. We could've used props?

- Shh. Go on, Russell.

- [barking]

[growling]

- Russell, this is a family program.

- [whinnying]

- My innocence, my sweet cloud innocence!

- [trumpeting] - Russell, stop!

- [growls]

[screeching]

[crowing]

[squealing] - Ahh!

Oh! - Wait for us, Lily!

- [chittering]

[eerie music]

[baas]

♪ ♪

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- I hope you brought something to do, girl.

It's gonna be a long day.

- [belches]

- Welcome to Mt. Middlemost Annual Pumpkin Pageant,

sponsored by the Middlemost Toast!

- What a great turnout.

- Tough crowd.

As always, the pumpkin pageant will have three rounds,

the weigh-in, the evening attire fashion show,

and the ever-popular talent show.

- How long this gonna take?

- Let's just start the weigh-in.

Who's first?

[rock music]

pounds, not bad.

- Oh, righteous.

♪ ♪

[crash] - Huh?

- You got this, bro.

Don't quit on me now. Push through the pain.

- Yeah, oh, yeah. Here we go.

- Yeah, so, this is a rock.

It's not a pumpkin. You're disqualified.

- Bro, I told you that was a rock.

- Bro, I'm sorry, bro.

- Push through it. Gains, gains, gains.

- Hello, PJC.

What a beautiful pumpkin you got there.

- Thanks, Ms. Pam. Her name is Natalie.

I raised her and watered her all by myself.

- Angus must be very proud.

- Uh, way to go, buddy! Whoo-hoo!

- Let's see how much Natalie weighs.

- Just be yourself and have fun up there, okay?

[grunts]

- pounds. What a plumper.

- Whoa!

You hear that, Natalie? You're huge!

- I think it's safe to say Natalie wins the--

- Hello?

Is this the pumpkin pageant?

I'm afraid I got lost on the way here.

Is it too late to enter a pumpkin?

- Of course not, Mayor.

- Oh, goodie. Ryan!

[ominous music]

- Wow.

- This way, nice and easy.

Ms. Pam, I'd like to enter Lord Gourdo

into this year's pumpkin pageant.

- [gasps] Ooh.

- Cool pumpkin, Mayor.

- Uh, no duh, Cloud.

Ryan, quit messing around

and get Lord Gourdo onto the scale.

- [grunting] - [screams]

- Looks like we found ourselves the winner of round one,

Lord Gourdo!

- We're just happy to be sharing the stage

with such wonderful and heavy pumpkins.

- It's okay, Natalie.

You left it all out there on the scale.

That's all anyone can ask for.

- [cackles]

- Is it me,

or is there something rotten about that pumpkin, Russell?

- It's been too long

since I won the pumpkin pageant, Ryan.

- I remember the good old days, sir.

Especially the size and beauty of your plump pumpkins.

- I was more than just a pumpkin grower, Ryan.

I was a pumpkin god.

Until that stupid, stupid ship stole the sun from me.

The pumpkins stopped growing.

- [sobbing]

- And I was forced to stop showing.

[somber music]

Now, juice Lord Gourdo

so I can return to my pumpkin pageant glory.

- But sir, what if someone sees us artificially "enhancing"

our pumpkin with "chemicals?"

It is illegal after all.

- Nobody's watching.

- Are you watching this, Russell?

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a cheater.

- Who's cheating?

- It's the mayor and his juiced-up pumpkin.

- That's not fair!

- No, it is not. Cheaters don't deserve to win.

And there's only one way to b*at a cheater.

- Cheat. I'm in.

- No, Parker.

You gotta b*at 'em fair and square.

And that's exactly what we're gonna do.

- You're gonna do the pumpkin pageant with me?

- No, Parker.

I'm gonna win the pumpkin pageant with you.

Now let's go find a pretty gown for Natalie.

No, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

This evening wear round is important, Parker.

We need a dress that really pops,

an ensemble that says, "Hey, I'm Natalie, and you're not."

Parker, my knitting needles, please.

- Coming to the stage next is Natalie.

And who is Natalie wearing today, Parker?

- She's wearing an Angus R. Shackleton III original.

- Oh, simply gorgeous!

[soft music]

- Oh, this was a huge mistake. Let's get out of here.

- Look at our girl go.

- Grr.

Aw, you call that style?

- It's simple, yet sophisticated.

[gasps] - There, that's better.

Now grease the Gourd, Ryan.

It'll accentuate the Lord's rind.

- But, sir, there are children watching.

- Just do it, Ryan.

- Yes, sir, okay.

- Next up, we have Lord Gourdo.

- What are you doing, Ryan? Send him out already.

- Sending, sir.

[crash]

- Ooh, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Whoo!

- Ooh, I think we put too much grease on, sir.

- Oh, you think so, Ryan? Is that what you think?

- Looks like Natalie takes round two.

With Lord Gourdo and Natalie tied,

it all comes down to the talent portion of our program.

- Whoo-hoo! You hear that, kiddo?

If Natalie wins the talent show,

we'll b*at that cheater, fair and square.

Okay, tell me,

what did you and Natalie prepare for her talent?

- I told Natalie she didn't have to try and impress anyone,

that all she had to do was be herself.

- So you got nothing.

- Yeah, we got nothing.

- Well, don't worry, little nimbus.

Your buddy here has won a fair share of talent shows.

And I think I know just

the thing that will put Natalie over the top.

- Please welcome Natalie to the stage!

- [whispering] Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.

- It's like she's telling a story in the sky.

- You did this in a talent show?

- Maybe.

♪ ♪

- My life is now complete.

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- So raw, so Natalie.

I don't see how anyone could top that.

- Oh, it'll be topped. Big topped.

Brace yourselves, everyone,

'cause you're about to witness a death-defying feat.

The great Lord Gourdo will dive into this tiny bucket of water

from atop Mt. Middlemost.

- That's the middle.

- Oh shut up, Brad. Ryan.

Juice the gourd, then let it rip.

- Juicing, sir. Over.

Whoa!

Oops.

Oh, dear.

[screaming]

- Wha-- - [screaming]

[cheers and applause]

- Did I win? Did I win?

- The winner of this year's Pumpkin Pageant is

Mayor Peeve with Lord Gourdo!

- Yes, I won! I'm the Pumpkin God once again.

Ryan, put me on your shoulders. Walk me around.

- [grunting]

- How come he won?

He cheated. It's not fair.

- I'm just as disappointed and angry as you, kiddo.

The sad truth is sometimes cheaters do win...

- Whoo-hoo, I am the winner.

- Whether we like it or not.

Ahh! - Ahh!

- Everyone run!

Follow me to the Middlemost Toast.

Don't forget your wallets.

[crowd screaming]

- [growls]

- Bro, sick gains, bro. Can we get some pointers?

Bro!

- I might have accidentally dropped the entire jug of juice

inside Lord Gourdo.

- You did what now? - Sir!

- Ahh!

[crowd screaming]

- Natalie, look out!

- [roars]

- No!

Natalie, are you okay?

- She doesn't look too good, kiddo.

- You were the best pumpkin I ever watered.

- Darn fine pumpkin.

[sobbing]

[all sobbing]

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Natalie.

She's alive!

- Ahh!

[dramatic music]

- [growls]

- What is she doing?

She's gonna get herself squashed!

- Huh?

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- Look, Angus. She stopped Lord Gourdo.

- He's stunned by her natural beauty,

blinded by her virtue and pure innocence.

Wow, I was not expecting that.

- I'm all right.

- Glad you like the pumpkin special.

It's on the menu for the next three months.

So get used to it.

- Mmm.

- Pumpkin, delicious.

[tapping]

- Well, this is awkward.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪