03x01 - Much Ado About Nachos

[bunniefuu]

[Lila]

Here it is. Puerto Paradiso.

[shouts in excitement]



I'm so excited.

I can't wait to get to the beach.

[Jessica]

I can't wait to get to the gift shop.

You're gonna love this place, Jess.

Oh, my God, we're here.

[laughs]



And then I asked him if he'd stock the fridge with lobster,

and he was like, "Oh, yeah, of course..."

OK, two mango tangos,

and two world famous caviar tacos.

That will be , pesos.

Just put everything on the Fowler account, Gomez.

I added a little something for yourself.

-Gracias. -[Jessica]

Nine-thousand pesos?

That sounds like a lot of money.

It's no biggie. Daddy knows I need a vacation

after my exhausting summer in Bermuda.

Besides, it's our last chance

to have fun before school starts.

Oh, don't remind me.

Another year of sleeping through classes

on those hard-school chairs.

and putting up with geeks.

Life could be so hard.

Hey, guys.

[Jessica]

Hey, Liz.

What is she doing here?

I had to invite her.

As usual, she spent her entire summer working.

-If this is a problem I can just... -[Lila]

No.

I guess one more person on the account won't hurt.

[Todd]

There they are.

[Cheryl]

Hi, guys.

Multiplying.

Liz, what are they doing here?

Well, I mentioned the trip to Todd

and he said something about Cheryl and well...

Enid overheard.

This is some fancy resort.

Look, they even have cloth napkins.

Tacos. Cool!

Hmm.

-What are these? -Caviar.

-What's that? -Fish eggs.

Ah!

-Ew. -Oh, that's attractive

Will there be any other charm school graduates

joining us?

Look at it this way,

at least Winston's not here.

He-Hey, ladies.

Let's party.

[laughing]



[theme music playing]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

Hey, Winston, check out my cool scrapbook

from camp Winnebago.

I kept everything the little campus gave me.

-Ah! I'm sorry. -Hey, you could've k*lled that kid.

Enid, it's only a kite.

Tell that to little Becky Somers.

One minute she was making a macaroni necklace,

and the next minute she had a dragon kite stuck in her neck.

Ouch.

Remember Winston,

kites don't k*ll kids,

kids with kites do.

[Todd]

Heads up.

-[Enid]

Hey! -[Winston]

Ow.

[Todd]

Man, are you OK?

-Thanks for the warning, Todd. -Sorry, Winston,

I thought you were open.

Just remember, Todd,

footballs don't hurt kids,

-kids with footballs do. -[Winston]

Hey,

give me back my kite.

-[kid teasing]

-Watch out for the helmet!

[grunts]



[Todd]

Heads up!

So how was your summer internship in LA?

Oh, it was incredible.

I learned so much about how a magazine works.

Must have been hard being away from Todd.

Well, I was really busy at the magazine

and he was busy perfecting this jump sh*ts.

When I was modelling in Europe,

probably ever got to see my boyfriend,

but there's nothing like getting back together

after being apart for a long time.

You guys want to see my camp Winnebago scrapbook?

Well, we're in the middle of a ring toss.

Oh.

[Cheryl]

Wow.

I was ring toss champion at camp Winnebago.

[kid laughing]



You can't catch me.

Please. Please bring me back my kite.

I- I- I'll pay you.

[Enid laughs]



Now, page one.

Here's the spam sample from the camp cafeteria.

And here's the band aid I used

to patch up this humongous blister

on Tommy Nader Meyer's foot.

Oh, and in the back are a bunch of letters

people sent me.

Are all these from Manny?

Yeah. He wrote me like every week.

He must really like to write.

I think what he really likes is you, Enid,

Are you serious?

Manny?

Our Manny?

Manny, Manny?

Why else would he write you so often?

Maybe I should have written him back.

[Winston]

Go get it, bro.

All right!

Dive for it.

-[Winston]

Wo-ho. Yeah! -Awesome catch.

Todd, do you want to take hike to Aztec Pyramids?

It'll be fun.

Pyramids?

What's fun about pyramids?

Come on, It'll give us a chance to be alone.

I want to tell you all about my internship.

What about the picnic? Just the two of us.

I hear these pyramids are really spectacular

at sunset.

Now that was spectacular.

OK, man, go long!

Send someone to room immediately.

My TV is broken.

Yes it is. Ricky Waite is speaking in Spanish.

Some resort this is.

They don't even have cable.

[Winston]

Well, cable's not going to do it.

You're gonna need a satellite dish,

but I don't think this hotel

is going to be able to uplink to a comp set system.

Poor useless info from loser of the land.

Winston, computer camp really turned you into a nerd.

What do you mean turned into?

-Yeah. -[Jessica]

Finally.

When I tell you it's an emergency,

I expect my Neptune's feast

within minutes or I get it for free.

Si, senorita.

Put it on the Fowler account.

and add a dollar for your trouble.

Are you sure that's OK?

No, you're right.

Make it five dollars.

Gracias, senorita.

Anything you want to do, just sign Fowler.

Really?

Trust me.

-Lila said so. -[Winston]

All right.

♪ It's not time To think about ♪

♪ Our little trouble spot ♪

♪ And it's not time to wonder What to do ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ And we make this What we want ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ Someone else To pay the bills ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ And we're never gonna stop ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ It's not time to wonder ♪

♪ If it's ever gonna end ♪

♪ This might be the only time ♪

♪ I get to see my friends ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ A holiday ♪

♪ We're on a holiday ♪

♪ A holiday ♪

-Winston. -Hey.

I need to ask you something about Manny.

Well, he's about five foot six,

but he carries himself like he's five foot seven...

No. I mean,

does he ever,

well, talk about me?

I think the question is, will he ever stop talking about you?

Do you remember when he asked to borrow

a lock of your hair for that chemistry experiment?

-Yeah. -Yeah, well, it's still hanging in his locker.

Wow.

That is so sweet.

Not to mentioned, creepy.

-Here we are. -Thanks.

We're here for a two o'clock guacamole rub.

Let me guess, you must be Lila Fowler.

That's right, and we want imported avocados.

I'm Paco, the hotel manager.

The hotel computer has tracked

excessive spending on your account.

Good thing Lila happens to be excessively wealthy.

The computer has put

an a*t*matic hold on the account

until the bill is paid in full.

Whatever.

Can we go now?

Jessica has a short attention span.

Huh?

I'm so sorry, but we don't accept

American Express.

What do you mean you don't accept American Express?

We're Americans.

This is boring. Just call up your father

and have him cough up the cash.

Jess, my father is sailing

in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Oh, wait.

Nooproblemo, Taco,

Here's .

-Now run along. -I'm afraid

that just won't do it, senoritas.

You owe much more than that.

$ , to be exact.

Excusez-moi.

Will that be cash,

or traveler's checks?

Just grow up already

and ask your daddy for the money.

I can't.

Before we left, he lectured me on my spending habits.

He even threatened me with...

a limit.

A spending limit?

That's child abuse.

We're stuck in a foreign country

with no money

and a huge bill to pay.

Things can't get any worse.

Hey, you guys want to go for a dip?

Ah.

Excuse me,

I would never share the same ocean with you.

Come on, Dino,

let's go find some nice women.

Now he's talking to inflatable animals?

What did they do to him at computer camp?

Wait a minute.

Didn't Paco say

that the computer froze your account?

Yeah, so?

So, all we have to do

is break into the computer and erase the total.

That is downright devious and unethical.

I love it.

Do you know how to use a computer?

[Jessica]

No.

But I know how to use Winston.

-Oh, Winston -[Winston]

You rang?

Lila and I have been dying to hear

about your summer at computer camp.

You have?

I think you spent too much time in the sun.

[laughs]

You're so witty.

-Isn't he witty, Lila? -So what do you know about

breaking into a hotel computer?

I know that hacking is against law,

and that I would never do it.

Oh, wah, wah.

You're such a baby.

Hey, it takes a real man to stand up

for what he feels is right.

[laughs]



-Hey, you! -[Kid]

I got it.

Come back here with my dino.

[Kid]

You got to catch me first.

[Winston]

I can't take this anymore.

Now what?

Well, you know what they say,

when you want something done right, you...

You have to pay somebody to do it.

But we're broke, remember?

So?

We'll just have to do it ourselves.

OK, it's right over here.

Follow me.

We need a miracle to pull this off.

[gasp]

Holy guacamole.

The Virgin Mary's appearing in a quesadilla.

[people muttering in Spanish]



-[Man]

Bring the camera. -Come on. It'll be OK.

Hurry! Type in "Fowler."

You're taking too long.

[beeping]



You doubled the total!

What is going on here?

[gasp]



Um, we were just...

-Uh, just checking our account. -Ah.

Yeah, we think you've made

a big mistake.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, big mistake.

[beeping]



You're right.

I did make a big mistake.

You owe twice as much

as I thought you'd be.

PS, I hope I'll see you soon, Manny.

[Woman]

The water is freezing...

What do you think he meant by that?

That he hopes he'll see you soon.

That is so romantic.

[Todd]

Hey, Liz.

-Let's kick this around. -Todd, I'm doing a puzzle.

Liz, we're on vacation. We're supposed to have fun.

OK, then help me with a crossword.

Thanks, although squares make me nauseous.

Hey, let's go for a run on the beach.

Actually, I just feel like relaxing.

Liz, you had all summer to relax.

Excuse me.

Todd, I worked really hard this summer.

Unlike some people I know

who got up at the cr*ck of noon.

Hey, guys. Having fun?

[Todd]

Yeah.

Yeah, Liz's, uh, loads of fun.

This is ridiculous. We're going to talk to them.

[Cheryl]

So what do you guys want to do next?

OK, free loaders, pay up!

What are you talking about?

You people owe me

$ ,

for all the charges you wrapped up on my account.

-[Elizabeth]

No way. What is... -What? $ , ?

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves

for taking advantage of Lila's generosity.

Like you can talk, Ms. Neptune's feast.

Todd, were are you jet skiing all morning?

I'm not the one who ordered the Mariachi band

to serenade you to sleep.

One of us spent an awful lot of time

at the hotel gift shop, Jessica.

[all shouting]



[whistle blowing]



I do have a bit of good news.

The hotel manager was going to send us the jail,

but I convinced him to let us work off our debt.

[Todd]

Work?

Here are your new job assignments.

[Enid]

Job assignments?

Wait, Lila, what are you going to do?

I'm the activities coordinator.

-What activities are you coordinating? -[Cheryl]

Yeah.

Yours.

Now get going!

[Enid]

This is ridiculous. I didn't even do anything.

I've been working.

[all shouting]



I didn't even want

the Mariachi band.

You know, I was jet skiing for four hours,

it wasn't like I was jet skiing all day.

-Yeah, man. -You still went...

Todd, a kid threw up

in a band of three.

And Winston, Mrs. Green Bond need sunscreen on her back.

Pronto! Uh!

Mrs. who?

-Green Bond? -Green b*mb.

[Mrs. Green Bond]

Over here, boys.

[laughs]



Manny, how are you?

Manny, you're looking...

swab.

That's lame.

[exhales]

Manny...

Hey, what are these bags doing here?

Do I have to do everything myself?

[exhales]



You just can't get good help these days.

[Enid]

This is the worst vacation I've ever had.

-[exhales in exhaustion]

-Some vacation.

I've never worked so hard in my life.

Oh!

I'm so exhausted.

What was your job?

I had to put a whole new box

of postcards on the rack.

It took me at least an hour.

Oh, I need a cold beverage.

Carry on, people.

Mmm, fresh towels.

Just what I was looking for.

Woo, it's hot.

[Todd]

Oh, no. Here comes the queen of mean.

[whistle blowing]



OK, people, we've paid off half the debt.

-Here's today's assignments. -[Cheryl]

Oh, not again.

[Todd]

I can't take it anymore.

Something's wrong here.

Yeah, nobody's strangled Lila yet.

I totaled up all of our charges

and it came out to only

$ , .

So that's what they're up to.

What?

Lila and Jessica wanted me to break

into the hotel computer.

They must have tried to do it themselves.

Yeah, but why would they have doubled the charges?

Maybe because they're Lila and Jessica.

[Elizabeth]

So in other words,

we've already worked off what we owe.

And the rest is their problem.

Exactly.

-Race you to the car. -Let's go.

[Enid laughs]

Shotgun.

[Elizabeth]

It's so great that we left them there.

Oh, I wish I could see the look

on Jess and Lila's face when they find out

they have to pay off their own debt.

Jess will look something like this...

An industrial strength sponge.

Ew.

So are we still on, uh, this afternoon for roller blading?

Oh, I can't. I want to stop by the Oracle

and set up my office.

-How about dinner tonight instead? -Sure.

Oh, uh, I'm watching the game tonight with the guys.

How about tomorrow?

Oh, I've got step class.

Manny's on his way.

I haven't been this nervous since I played The Yam

in the third grade production

of the first Thanksgiving.

As the curtain went up, I froze.

I had to be carried off by a couple of marshmallows.

I know.

How about Thanksgiving?

Are you booked then too?

Can we talk about this later?

Sure.

Later.

Oh, my God, he's here.

Do I have food on my teeth?

No, you're clear. Now, go!

[Winston]

Hey, Manny, what's up? Welcome back.

[Manny]

Hey.

Thanks, Enid. That's really nice of you.

[Enid]

It's really good to see you.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately.

Manny.

You're so funny.

Where did you get that silly hat?

Enid gave it to me.

Everybody, I want you to meet my new girlfriend.

Simone, this is Winston.

-[Simone]

Hi. -[Winston]

Hi.

-That's Liz. -Hi.

[Manny]

And this is Enid.

[Jessica]

You're the one who said sign for everything.

[Lila]

Shut up.

No talking

while working.

When you finish,

done [in heavy German accent]

[unclear]



on... [in heavy German accent]

[unclear]



[laughs]



Hey, watch it!

It was an accident.

-So is this. -Ah.

-[screaming]

-Oh.

-You better watch it! -Hey.

Stop it! Ew.

-[grunting]

-[laughing]



[screaming]



Ew.

[screaming]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪