03x10 - The Tooth Hurts

[bunniefuu]

[Shred]

Dudes!

Shredman, what's up?

There is no joy in Shredville.

The dentist says I have five cavities.

Ouch.

I don't get it.

I brush, I floss,

I even chew the gum four out of five dentists recommend.

-I had a cavity once. -Me too.

Six giant needles plunged into my jaw.

-Harsh! -It wasn't nearly as bad as the smell of teeth burning

when he used that high-speed drill.

[slams locker door]

Later!

[mimics drill whirring]



You might want to cut back on the candy.

Candy? Never touched the stuff.

What do you call that chocolate bar?

Chocolate's not candy.

It's one of the four food groups, right along with

ice cream, Count Chocula, and microwave burritos.

Reggie, chocolate is not a food group, it's loaded with sugar

and that's what's causing your cavities.

How much chocolate do you eat, anyway?

-Not much. -[tumbling]



[theme song playing]



[vocalization]



♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls who ♪

♪ Look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

-[girl]

Are we ready? -Yeah.

You know, I think a darker background

would really bring out the highlights in my hair.

Back off, blondie.

This is a calendar for high school hotshots

and you're not one of them.

All this for making one lucky basket.

You'd think you invented smudge-proof lipstick!

All right, g*ng. Places, places, please. Come on!

Out of my way!

You, with the pom-poms?

Would you mind stepping to the back, please?

-I was here first! -Come on, come on!

-[camera clicks]

-[gasps]



-Big news, gentlemen. -What's the word, Manny?

I've scored you the ultimate interview.

We're talking Headline America!

Are you serious?

Headline America wants to interview him?

Why?

Were you abducted by aliens?

They're doing a show on high school sportstars.

They saw his sh*t on ESPN.

This is just the beginning.

Today, national TV,

tomorrow a Wheaties box.

Todd Wilkins on TV. What a waste!

Yeah, and they also want to interview some of your closest friends for the segment.

Todd Wilkins, up close and personal.

Now, that's an idea.

Todd, as one of your closest friends,

-I think I should be-- -Whoa! What did you just say?

-I think I should be the-- -Mm...

Before that?

"As one of your closest friends?"

Manny, did she just say--

She's one of your closest friends?

[chuckles]

And you said she didn't have a sense of humor.

Todd, I know we've had our differences, but I'm past that.

-You're not getting on my show. -Come on!

Who better to talk about the star basketball player

than the star cheerleader?

Well, off the top of my head, anyone.

That was lame.

Where is it? Where is it?

Where's what?

Is this what you're looking for?

[sighs]

Yeah, thanks.

Hold on. What's in the flask?

Er, orange juice.

Give it to me. I need my Vitamin C.

This is chocolate syrup!

[exhales]

Slam it?

-No, thanks! -Reggie, I hate to say this,

but you're addicted to chocolate.

No way. That is so not possible.

I can quit anytime.

Denial, a classic symptom.

I'm worried about you.

Okay, so I take a nip now and then.

But not before : a.m.

Come on, hand it over.

Can you go without it for the rest of the day?

Definitely.

-All right, then prove it. -Fine!

I will.

Right after lunch.

[people chatting]



One Super Todd for the man!

So, what are you doing?

Making a list of my closest friends for the interview.

And, I'm on this list, right?

Er, is this burger free?

Yeah, sure. It's on the house.

Okay, then, you're on the list.

-Move it! -[thuds]



Todd, nobody in this school is more qualified

to speak in front of a national audience than I am.

Put me on the list.

Jessica, what have you ever done for me?

What do you mean?

Well, Winston gives me free burgers, he's on the list.

Reggie helped me through my break-up with Liz,

he's on the list, Manny's my manager.

Hey! Remember that time last year

when I gave you a ride home from school?

Actually, I gave you a ride home.

Well, if you wanna be picky about it!

[Manny]

Todd!

We've got problems.

I just got off the phone with New York,

Headline America's assigned Peggy Waters to do your interview.

What's the problem?

Peggy Waters is like the piranha of Primetime.

She loves to humiliate jocks!

You're gonna have to prepare for this one.

I'll just wing it like I always do.

That's what Teddy Touchdown Thomas thought too.

-Never heard of him. -Exactly.

Peggy Waters made him look so stupid,

colleges wouldn't touch him.

-Really? -But he's got a great job

at the burger shack in Billings, Montana.

[sighs]

What am I gonna do?

Don't panic. You'll be okay.

You just gotta prepare.

Look, this is television.

No one cares what you say!

What's important is what you wear.

So, in exchange for being on your interview list,

I will be your image consultant.

Image consultant?

Let's start with your shirt.

It screams "Bought by Mommy."

No one will pay attention to you in that.

Hi, Todd!

[Todd]

You were saying?

[Liz]

Okay. Thanks. Buh-bye.

Hey, Liz.

Did you hear about my interview on Headline America?

Who hasn't? Guess you've really hit the big time!

Well, actually, I need your help.

You need my help?

I didn't think you needed anyone at this point.

Look, Liz. I'm nervous.

And Peggy Waters is gonna eat me alive.

I don't wanna look stupid.

You've gotta help.

Todd, I don't know.

Please? I mean, you're the only one who can help.

Nobody knows me like you do.

Okay. Meet me tomorrow after school.

-But, do me a favor. -Sure, anything.

Tell Manny to stop sending me the Daily Todd Report.

It's feeding a fire hazard.

I can't take it.

Be strong, Shred!

Be strong! [burps]



[satisfied moans]



Chocolatey goodness.

Good news.

Only cavities.

[drill whirrs]



Too bad we're all out of Novocaine.

[evil cackle]



[whirring]



[screaming]



[Liz]

Todd, you have to sit up straight.

[Todd sighs]



[Liz]

Just sit naturally with good posture.

[sighs]

You know, I'm never gonna remember all this stuff.

Sure you will.

Let's forget about the camera

and go over some questions.

Liz, I really appreciate this.

I mean, things have been happening so fast lately,

it's just nice to know that you're here for me.

'Course I am.

Just because we're not dating

doesn't mean I don't care about you.

Now come on. Let's focus.

I'm trying. It's just...

...you're sort of distracting.

-Todd! -Sorry.

It's just nice to spend time with you.

I mean, I've missed you.

We better get back to the interview.

Let's try a sample question.

Todd, do you think it's fair that high school athletes

receive preferential treatment?

Um... Sure! I mean, it doesn't bother me.

-Bad answer? -Bad answer.

And you're all over the place.

Look me straight in the eyes

when you answer the question.

Like this?

Or...

Like this?

[Jessica]

Okay, Wilkins. Let's settle this now.

What's it gonna take to get on your list?

Be my sl*ve.

How about endorsement co-ordinator?

How about washing my car?

-Fan Club President? -Secretary?

-Executive Assistant. -Deal.

Jess, if you're done now,

we still have a lot of work to do.

Here. Fill up my t*nk.

I don't even pump my own gas.

Fine! I'll get Winston to do it.

So...

Let's pick up where we left off.

Do you think it's a good idea?

[people laughing and chatting]



Attention, compadres.

I have an announcement to make.

My name is Shred, and I'm a chocoholic.

[audience applauding]



-Good for you. -We're proud of you, Reggie.

Thanks, guys.

Admitting you have a problem

is the first step

to overcoming an addiction.

It is?

Excellent.

The next step is choosing a method

to help you get off the chocolate.

My bud, Wingnut, says the only way

to get off this junk is to quit cold turkey.

-Ugh! -That's hard.

My aunt Dorothy quit cold turkey

when she tried to kick her apple fritter habit.

Apple fritters?

Well, sure. Apple fritter pancakes,

apple fritter stew, apple fritter and chips,

apple fritter pot pie, apple fritter gumbo,

apple fritter cordon bleu,

and apple fritter enchiladas.

Oh, and I almost forgot! Apple fritter omelet,

apple fritter in matzo ball soup,

apple fritter fish tacos--

-Todd! -[all cheering and applauding]



Wait, wait, wait. Don't sit there.

I reserved a special booth for you.

Winston, this is insane!

Don't you like it?

[Todd]

Oh, I love it!

Great. Do you think you could wear this

in your TV interview?

I figured out what you're gonna wear for your interview.

Now, ready for this?

Um...sorry Jess, he's wearing this for his interview.

As if?

You are not gonna wear some polyester blend

logo t-shirt from a greasy place like this.

Greasy? I'll have you know I use % vegetable oil

in all my food.

Whatever you say, Kiki Gourmet.

Look, I'm not wearing either of your shirts.

In fact, speaking of shirts, there's a pile of dirty clothes

sitting in my car, Jessica.

How fascinating.

Oh, well, if you wanna be on Headline America

I suggest you head to the dry cleaners now.

[chuckling]



Todd Wilkins Interview, Take .

[woman]

Okay, everybody, quiet on the set.

[director]

And, action!

Before every game, Todd fills up on a tasty Super Todd burger.

So, come on down to the Moon Beach cafe.

Todd is so nice. He's...

Can I say hello to my family?

-[director]

Go ahead. -Okay.

Hi, cousin Emilia in Detroit! How's your lower intestinal tract?

Cousin Angus says to keep eating oatmeal,

and hi to little Joey, and Cindy, and Vladimir--

After the ribbon cutting at the new roller rink,

Todd will be appearing live to sign basketballs at the Moon Beach.

And don't forget, if you wanna hear Todd's childhood memory of the week,

just dial - - .

Todd is like a cross between a chocolate brownie

and chocolate fudge cupcake

with chocolate frosting

with a side of chocolate ice cream,

-and... -[crunch]



Hey, dude. Can I have a piece of your Heath bar?

When I first met Todd,

I was starring in Romeo and Juliet.

Now that's theater, but I also do TV and movies.

Of course, what I really wanna do is direct.

Oh, wait. That's behind the camera.

Never mind.

As you can see, I'm a natural blond,

but, I'm versatile enough to play brunette.

[exhales]



I just gave the interview of a lifetime.

The producers loved me.

I talked for, like, a really long time.

I guess I didn't leave any room for Todd.

-Oh, well! -That's great, Jess.

Feeling left out?

[scoffs]

I told you not to break up with Todd.

You could have been on national television.

The last thing I care about is being on TV.

Besides, I distinctly recall you telling me

it was a good idea to break up with Todd.

Since when do you ever listen to my advice?

Anyway, from what I saw the other day,

you two are looking awfully chummy again.

Not that I blame you.

I mean, Todd's almost as popular as I am.

Jess, popularity has nothing to do with it.

He's different around me,

and, we've been having a really good time together.

I forgot how much fun he can be.

Are you two back together?

I don't know.

[coins clinking]



Hey!

Huh?

What? Come on, cough it up.

[clunk]



-Hand it over! -[banging]



-Not gonna stand for this! -[banging]



-Uh-oh! -Give me my chocolate, you evil machine!

This has gone too far.

[Shred banging furiously]



-[grunting]

-[banging]



Reggie, get off of that machine!

[bangs]

It ripped off my Milk Duds!

Get you skinny, surfer butt down here, now!

I can't take it.

-Cold turkey bites! -That does it.

We gotta b*at this thing once and for all.

-How? -There's only one surefire method I know.

[people chatting]



Now focus on this pencil.

Your eyes are getting heavier.

You're getting sleepy.

Sleepy.

-Wake up. -Sorry.

You're getting sleepy.

Sleepy.

-Look, it's working! -It is? Cool.

Reggie, you have to relax if it's gonna work now, come on!

Just let your mind go, and...

Look, you did it!

Reggie, are you there?

Call me Shred.

He's under.

Now, listen to me. From now on,

every time you think about eating chocolate,

-er, you think about having-- -Bananas!

Let me handle this, okay? I know what I'm doing.

Sorry, I just like bananas!

Okay.

Every time you think about chocolate,

think about having a glass of water instead.

When I snap my fingers, you'll be wide awake like nothing happened.

One, two, three! [snaps]



Okay, let's get started.

We already did it.

We had you totally hypnotized.

Whoa! That's weird.

You guys, like, didn't find out that

I wet my bed until I was nine, did you?

No, Reggie. [chuckles]

We didn't.

Cool.

[both giggling]



[Liz]

Now there's nothing to be nervous about.

You look great.

Just remember,

relax and focus on the question.

Don't worry, Todd. You'll do fine.

'Course I will.

Okay, Toddio! It's time to talk to America.

[sighs]

Thanks, Liz.

Thanks for everything.

[exhales]



-Hey, Shredman! -Hey, Windbarrel!

How was the dentist?

Dr. Roberts is the man!

He filled my cavities,

and he gave me a free toothbrush.

Hey, hey, hey. Look what they have for dessert.

Chocolate cake.

Oh, sorry, Reggie.

Is it okay if I eat this in front of you?

No worries, Enod,

I'm % chocolate-free.

-Looks like you're cured! -Yep.

And I owe it all to you guys.

[laughing]



Oops!

Well, that's a tough one.

I guess I'd have to say

I'm a cross between Michael Jordan,

Charles Barkley and Magic Johnson.

[all slowly chuckle]



Who cares about basketball?

-When do I come on? -Shh!

This is the best part.

So, I take you're not too worried

about winning the State Championships?

[chuckles]

Worried?

Me?

No way.

Watch out, Big Mesa.

Sweet Valley's gonna waste ya!

[audience]

Yeah!

I made that one up myself.

We went out to get a glimpse of the personal side

of a rising superstar.

Here it is. Quiet, everyone!

When I first moved to this school,

Todd was the only one who was genuine.

and got to know me for me.

[Jessica]

That's it?

[Peggy]

Todd, tell me your--

What happened to me?

Looks like you got cut!

My aunt Violet is gonna be so bummed.

she traded her room for a second-hand TV

just to see this.

One more question, Todd.

You must be pretty popular with the girls.

Are you in a relationship?

Do you have anyone special?

No.

I spend all my time speaking about basketball.

Well, you must have had a girlfriend at one point or another.

Well, I mean, you know, I had a relationship,

I dated someone for a while,

but it was nothing special.

I guess I haven't found the right girl...

yet.

[Peggy]

I'm sure she's out there waiting just for you.

Well, that was Todd Wilkins,

a high school basketball star,

obviously quite pleased with himself.

We'll be right back.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪