03x17 - All Along in the Water Tower

[bunniefuu]

[Winston]

What's up? Do you wanna come over tonight?

It's my turn to host the restaurant manager's meeting

and the theme is "fun with fish sticks."

Sorry, I can't. I'm asking Liz out on a date.

-A "date" date? -No, just the two of us eating.

Same time, same table... We're starting to be friends again

and I wanna keep it low key.

So, where are you not having this date?

-Le Petit Bistro. -I hate to tell you this, buddy,

but dinner at an expensive French restaurant is a "date" date.

Uh, I don't know if she's ready for a "date" date.

Well, no, I hope it works out. But remember, if it doesn't--

Uh, I know. It wasn't meant to be.

No. If it doesn't work out, come over for fish sticks.

[Enid]

My family reunion is this weekend

and I have to make Rice Krispie treats, buy party hats

and order chewing tobacco. Good thing it's only Tuesday.

Enid, it's Wednesday.

Wednesday? I have to do the morning announcements.

-Enid! [laughs]

It's this way. -Oh.

You are coming to the reunion, aren't you?

-Uh, I don't know. -Come on, it'll be fun.

-You can bring a date. -How about Jake? He's always asking you out.

[Liz on speaker]

Jake's really nice, but his hair is always so perfect.

I hate that.

-Hey! -[Enid]

What about Trevor?

He's got a shaved head and he's read almost as many books as you have.

-Yeah, but he doesn't like sports. -So? You hate sports.

I know. But there's something sexy about a guy who's into sports.

[jocks]

All right, man!

Well, if you're looking for a guy who likes sports,

you should just get back together with Todd.

Well, I have been thinking about him.

-Wait... Is this thing on? -[all laughing]



-Oops. -[softly]

Oh, my God.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

No one listens to the morning announcements.

I'm sure no one heard us.

-Hey, Liz. -Okay, so one guy heard us.

Hey, Liz, check this out.

[grunting]



-I can't believe this. -Neither can I.

I mean, people really listen to my announcements. Wow!

Yeah, wow. The school knows about my personal life.

Now Todd probably thinks he can get me back whenever he wants.

Did you hear that? You can get Liz back anytime you want.

I don't think so. You heard all the guys she's dating.

-Yeah, but you're the one she wants. -[sighs]

Right, Winston.

I can just snap my fingers and Liz will come running.

Maybe asking her out tonight isn't such a good idea.

[cellphone ringing]



Hello?

Reading the Silos of Billings, Montana again.

I can't help it, Lila. It's so romantic.

Why can't I be swept off my feat like that.

[doorbell rings]



Gotta go. Bye.

[camera clicks]



Hi. Um, sorry to bother you, uh, but I'm kinda lost.

Can you help me?

-Are you a photographer? -Yeah. Yeah, I am.

I'm, uh... I'm sh**ting a photo essay for National Geologic.

-Are there any grain silos around here? -Silos?

[softly]

Just like in the book.

[Winston]

You're overthinking this, Todd.

You want her, she wants you.

Sounds like a slam dunk to me.

Here, have some fish sticks. New item on the menu.

-I don't know. -Come on. They're freshly thawed.

-I'm talking about Liz. -Look, you've already got reservations at Le Petit Bistro.

Just go ask her.

Liz, I figured it out.

After the hay ride, we'll bob for pork chops.

Then we'll sing the Rollins family song.

Oh, I hope everyone will remember to bring their kazoos.

Thanks, Enid. You've ruined it.

I was just getting to the part where the photographer shows up at the back door.

Huh?

Some people are hopeless romantics.

You're just hopeless.

What's her problem?

-Liz, are you still upset about this morning? -No.

Where does he get off thinking he can just snap his fingers and I'll come running?

-Liz, I was wondering-- -My answer is no.

No?

Okay, right.

See ya.

Can you believe that?

He thought I was gonna jump at the chance to go out with him.

Cheer up. There'll be tons of guys at my family reunion.

Hey, I could set you up with my cousin Wilbur. He's perfect for you.

He made a fortune with his mail order meat business.

And he can hog-tie a calf in eight seconds flat.

Enid, I'm a vegetarian. Your cousin is not perfect for me.

"What women really want."

Cool.

Psst.

-Were you followed? -[sighs]

What's this about?

I got it. The Holy Grail. The playbook from the other side.

Saucy Magazine. Look, a questionnaire.

-"What is your ideal man?" -So?

So, it was filled out by Liz. She left in in the Moon Beach the other night.

-Liz reads this stuff? -All girls do. It's a conspiracy.

"How to keep your man down, get what you want,

learn how to cry." See, it's all here.

Gimme that.

Hey, she really did fill this out. I recognize her check marks.

"It turns me on when my man shares his interests with me."

-She checked that twice. -See, all you gotta do

-is share your interests with her. -Wait, uh...

-I don't have any interests. -Sure you do.

-Basketball. -[sighs]

She hates basketball, Winston.

Come on. She told the whole school she likes a guy who's into sports.

Oh, yeah.

[phone ringing]



Hello? Hi, Bruce.

No, I don't want to watch you lift weights. Thanks anyway.

[sighs]

Ever since I said sports were sexy,

every jock in school's been calling me.

-[doorbell rings]

-[sighs]



If I get asked to one more sporting event, I'm gonna scream.

[laughing]



Liz, I've got box seats to the Lakers game tonight. Do you wanna come?

-You've got to be kidding. -What are you talking about?

You're as bad as the rest of them.

Uh, I...

What a jerk!

Just so you know, cousin Wilbur would never ask a lady to a sporting event.

A monster truck pull, maybe.

Your messages took up the whole tape on the answering machine.

Who do you think you are? Me?

-It's not my fault. -I don't care who's fault it is.

I'm expecting a very important phone call from a very important photographer.

Oh, that reminds me. I found a note on the windshield of the jeep.

-It's for you. -A note?

The windsh... [gasps]

That's chapter nine.

He wants me to go on a picnic with him.

That's chapter ten. It's just like in the book.

Wait, you're reading a book?

I'm not just reading it, I'm living it.

All I know is if he serves lemon meringue pie on our picnic,

I'll know he's the one.

-And for dessert... -You brought dessert?

-Don't tell me. Is it-- -Lemon meringue pie.

And then, she told me I was just like the rest

and slammed the door in my face.

Well, no wonder it didn't work.

Every guy in school used the same approach.

-You need a new approach. -Look, she sh*t me down twice.

-Even I can take a hint. -She's testing you.

Liz checked, the more assertive the guy, the better.

You've got to tell her who's boss.

-It doesn't sound like Liz. -Oh yeah? Whose check marks are these?

-All right, I'll give it a sh*t. -Good. Take charge.

Don't take no for an answer. Show her who's boss.

Yeah.

[Enid on speaker]

And then the sensory deprivation club will...

-Hey, what are you doing? -[Todd on speaker]

Move it!

Liz, this is Todd.

Meet me in front of my locker, immediately.

[bell ringing]



Be assertive. Tell her who's boss. Take charge.

[jock]

Hey, there he is. Come on.

[all]

Wilkins.

-Hey. -Hey.

-What are you guys doing here? -We wanna watch you in action, bro.

-You're the man. -Yeah, go for it.

Thanks.

Aren't you guys gonna be late for your next class?

No way. We're taking notes.

We wanna see if you can close the deal. [laughs]



-That's right. -Yes, it is.

-Right. -What is it, Todd?

Um...

-You, me, together tonight, your place. -[jocks]

Yeah! Whoo!

-Is this your idea of a sick joke? -[jock]

Did you hear that?

Hey, I know you want a guy who tells you who's boss.

-Don't you? -What's with you? Are you out of your mind?

[sighs]

I'm just trying to give you what you want.

What I want is the Todd I used to know.

[scoffs]

But he's gone. Why don't you go too.

[jocks]

Ooh, that hurt.

-Guess what I've got? -Pictures we took yesterday?

I spent all night developing 'em.

"Quickee photo?"

Uh, well, I spent all night waiting for them.

How come all these pictures are out of focus?

Well, every true artist has his style.

Oh, this... this is my favorite.

It's so... beautiful.

It's my elbow.

Well, yeah. But... but it's your elbow.

Come with me to a party this weekend.

We'll have exotic food and dance all night.

-I'd love to. -Great.

I'll be counting the milliseconds till I see you again.

Bye.

Party?

Wait, that wasn't in the book.

I've got just the thing to cheer you up. Fish stick?

This is where I hang out after school.

[Winston]

Welcome to the Moon Beach.

Well, I'll be hornswoggled.

Is this...

-Is this real vinyl? -[all gasping]



Well, this is Winston. He runs the place.

Hi. Fish stick?

Fish in the shape of a stick?

Help yourself.

What kind of bait do you use to catch these things?

Why don't we order these for the hoedown tomorrow?

-Great idea. -Sure. How many do you want?

As many as you can catch, son. Send 'em out to the water tower.

You got it.

Come on, everybody. I'll show you

where I park my car.

It's right through here.

Okay, Todd, grab your tackle.

'Cause we're going to the shopping shop

and catch us some fish sticks.

No, thanks.

Look, you made a mistake.

Okay, you made a lot of mistakes.

But you gotta get back in the game.

I don't get it. I used to know what Liz wanted.

You're in a slump. It happens.

Let's see what Saucy has to say.

-Oh, good idea. Let me see that. -Okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Ever since I've been listening to you and that stupid magazine,

everything's gone wrong with Liz.

I've gotten her back before. I can do it again.

[chuckles]

Sure, no problem.

-Was that for me? -No, it was Enid.

She needs more dipping sauce for her fish sticks.

What happened? Did her relatives take a bath in it?

-Very funny. -Not as funny as your dress.

Or is it a tablecloth? I can't tell.

I know it's a little dorky, but it'll make Enid happy.

Why stop there? Shouldn't we add a few freckles and blackout a tooth?

Shouldn't you be somewhere getting swept off your feet?

Yeah, you're right.

Though I'd much rather be do-si-doing

at Enid's Neanderthal jamboree.

A live band?

That wasn't in the book.

You've read the book?

You mean Silos?

Well, yeah. Is there any other book?

[woman]

Yee-haw! Get over here, boy.

[Jess]

Oh, my god!

Cousin Brad, you made it.

-[chuckles]

-You're related to Enid?

Well, yeah.

This is what I get for reading a book.

Brad, why don't you go grab us a couple of mugs of Aunt Gertie's clam cider.

Gertie's here? [chuckles]

And they said she'd never make parole.

Now he's a photographer. What a hoot! [laughs]



What are you talking about?

Well, see, when Brad reads a best seller,

he doesn't just read it, he becomes it.

He just read the Silos of Billings, Montana.

-It's about this photographer-- -Stop!

I think I'm gonna be sick.

You should have seen him after he read Interview with the Vampire.

He filed his teeth into little points and slept upside down.

Ew!

Hey, pretty lady. Don't be a wallflower.

Come on, we've got some dancing to do.

Ugh!

Here are the sauces for the fish sticks.

Nacho cheese, jalapeno swirl, chocolate fudge.

Thanks, Winston.

Since when did you start reading Saucy magazine?

Uh, you left it here the other day.

I've been meaning to give it back to you.

Me? I've never read that magazine.

Oh. So that's why it wasn't working.

What are you talking about?

Todd thought you filled out the quiz in here

and he was using it to win you back.

Why? I thought all he had to do is snap his fingers.

-He said that? -Yeah, to you.

Liz, he was being sarcastic. He's crazy about you.

-He is? -Of course.

Why do you think he's been acting like such an idiot the last couple of days?

I tried to stop him.

Let me see that quiz.

The more assertive the guy, the better.

Oh, no. I've gotta find Todd.

Thanks, Winston.

I should throw this thing out.

As soon as I check my love-scope.

[chattering]



[grunting]



Lila, !

Send your limo to the water tower, now! I'll explain later.

Oh!

Back off, Jethro!

Liz, you're here!

Liz, thanks for bringing the sauce.

Enid, I'm sorry. I can't stay.

But cousin Wilbur isn't here yet.

I have to find Todd.

Stop the music!

There's a boy on the water tower.

Is that Todd?

Oh, my god.

-[man]

Who's up there? -[woman]

What's goin' on?

-That boy looks a little pale. -Uh-oh. He's gonna jump.

Todd, don't jump. Winston explained everything.

Please come down!

-A slingshot will get him down. I could just-- -No!

Oh, I can't look.

-What's he doing? -He's opening a banner.

A banner? Is he crazy?

Nope. [chuckles]

He's in love.

"I love you, Liz. Can we start over?"

[all applauding]



[Todd]

Uh, can someone help me down?

[sighs]

Thank God you're here.

You would not believe the hell I've been through.

It's always my pleasure to help out a pretty lady.

Wow. Where have the fellas been hiding you?

That was the best reunion ever.

Even though everybody got food poisoning from the fish sticks.

-[coughs]

-[all]

Ew! Gross.

[Winston]

Enid!

-[Winston]

Those were selling really well. -[Liz]

But it's true.

I just met the most incredible guy.

His name is Will and he owns a ranch in San Antonio.

He's in the limo getting a fax.

Cousin Wilbur?

-What are you babbling about? -That's his hat. [chuckles]



Wow. You really have a thing for the men in my family, don't ya?

Quick, where's the emergency exit? There's still time to escape.

[Enid chuckling]



Hey! Who stole my Saucy?

I should have never listened to Winston.

It was just, I was confused. I didn't know what you wanted anymore.

So you thought I wanted you to risk your life putting a banner on top of a water tower?

It worked when I asked you to the spring dance.

That's right. You put a banner on the scoreboard.

That proves you've always been crazy.

Yeah, about you.

[sighs]

It's good to have the old Todd back again.

I'm not the old Todd.

-You're not? -No.

The old Todd let you go.

And that's never gonna happen again.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪