03x21 - Search for Liz

[bunniefuu]

[on TV]

Will Dr. Treadway save Elektra?

Or will she stay in her coma?

Tune in tomorrow for another episode of Search For Love.

[sighs]

I can't believe Elektra's in a coma.

Struck down on the prime of her divorce.

Oh, please, that's her third coma this month.

I can buy that a champagne bucket

knocks her out on her wedding day.

I can even buy that she got

knocked out by the... stuffed marlin.

But no one goes into a coma just by getting hit by a door.

It's too far-fetched.

-Hi, guys. -[grunts]



Jess?

Ow!

[dramatic music playing]



Delilah, are you okay?

[theme music playing]



[vocalization]



♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

Delilah, quit trying to get attention.

Get up!

Freeze!

Rod?

I thought I'd never see you again.

-Didn't you go to Kathmandu to find yourself? -I did.

But I wasn't there.

So, eventually I found myself in Atlantic City.

Then what are you doing at my stately mansion in Bittersweet Valley?

Neighbors reported g*nshots.

I'm here to investigate.

Well...

she doesn't look so good.

Her face... it's all... distorted.

[whining]

Poor dear Delilah.

Who would do such a thing?

-Who? Who? Who? -I know.

-You! -Me? Why?

Just a hunch.

I'm a detective, I know these things.

I would never harm Delilah. She's my best friend.

True, she is a little annoying,

but she's helped me through

three bouts of hysterical blindness

and bad perm.

Bad perm? She must be a good friend.

Listen, if you lock me up,

who'll feed the orphans and cheer up the convicts on death row?

Wait!

There's something I should be asking you.

I know.

Do you have an alibi?

Um... I hit my head on a door and was... knocked unconscious

Knocked out by a door.

Little far-fetched, isn't it?

Sorry, I'm calling the authorities.

Please, Rod.

Give me hours to prove my innocence.

Let me go find the person who did this.

What's the magic word?

[meekly]

Please?

[giggles]

Okay. [laughs]



Great, leave me with this stiff.

What am I supposed to do?

Call an ambulance, you moron.

[man]

I've been totally guava over you ever since we met.

You were in a coma.

And I've been in love with you ever since

I came back from my near-death experience.

Promise you'll never leave me.

I totally promise. I'm yours till the tide stop... tiding.

[hoarsely]

Make way.

-[Delilah grunts]

-[grunts]



She's so... still.

Who is this gnarlicious little junior?

Delilah Fowler. The corndog heir.

Her first husband d*ed when he accidentally donated both of his kidneys.

Harsh.

Yeah. Then her second husband

swapped the family estate

for an iguana ranch in Tijuana.

-Excellent. -Yeah.

After being diagnosed with pale skin disease,

Delilah spent all the cabbage on cr*ck remedies.

I'll save you, my beautiful, wilted Wilma.

[sighs]



Hey, stranger.

What brings you to the Gloom Beach Cafe?

Um... I forget.

Cup of joe?

No, I'll just have coffee.

So... tell me about yourself.

I'm from the wrong side of the tracks.

See, after mix up at the hospital, I went home with Sheik Ali Abdul Abdul.

He put me into his harem.

Boy...

the sugar-shakers are small.

Then I stowed away on a cruise ship,

where I hustled people at shuffleboard.

I landed on these shores yesterday.

Let me guess.

You're new in town.

How'd you know?

It's my job. I'm a detective.

-So... workin' on any big cases? -No.

Wait.

I'm on this attempted-m*rder case.

Someone tried to k*ll Delilah Fowler.

What do you mean, tried?

I, I mean... [exhales]

please to meet you.

-My name is Lowdown Liz Wakefield. -Rod Vermin, PI.

Hey...

you've got the same last name

as our prime suspect Jessica Wakefield.

[gasps]

Jessica?

-Any relation? -No.

No relation at all.

Winslow, darling husband, I have terrible news.

Delilah's in a coma.

-Really? -[sobbing]



I mean... [serious tone]

Really?

And I'm the prime suspect.

Really? [chuckles]

I mean... [sad]

Really?

I only have hours to solve the crime,

or I'll spend the rest of my life in jail.

[excitedly]

Really? I mean... [sad]

Really? Ugh!

Oh, by the way, did you do it?

What?

No! I would never k*ll my best friend Delilah...

even if she is a little annoying.

Never!

At least, I don't think I did.

See, it happened after a door hit me on the head

and knocked me unconscious.

Yeah, right, and I'm really the manager of a shoddy burger joint.

Goodbye, my love.

Every moment away from you will seem like an eternity.

[crying, blows nose]



Yeah, well, um... [clears throat]



don't, don't forget the facts.

I won't. Goodbye.

I used to be a coma girl too.

You should've seen me.

Calm, cool, quiet

with a vacant stare in my eyes.

Dr. Shredway couldn't resist me.

Figures he'd me trade me in for the first

head-injury case that crossed his path.

[sighs]



If only I could go into a coma again.

Am I still awake?

Is this a trick question?

-Darn! -Psst.

Did you say something?

[woman]

Psst!

I hear you're working on the Delilah Fowler case.

Who?

I mean... right.

[sighs]

I got the skinny for you on Jessica Wakefield.

She's got an evil twin.

An identical evil twin?

Yeah. Now, shh!

So...

what does her identical evil twin look like?

-[grunts]

-Andorra...

-did you hurt yourself in another ballroom brawl? -[growling]



What was that all about?

I just found out Jessica Wakefield has an identical evil twin.

[scoffs]

Like that's important to the case.

Do you think I could... have some time alone with Delilah?

No problemo, Winston.

The name is Winslow.

[woman announcing on PA]



[machine beeping]



Poor, sweet Delilah.

What did you do with those compromising pictures of us?

The one you used to blackmail me with against Jessica and tried to steal my millions.

Give them to me. Give them to me!

Stop that. Are you out of your mind?

This is a healing ward

where people come to mend the wounds

inflicted upon them by society. Have you no shame?

No.

[grunts]



Poor attempted m*rder victim...

you'll never get Dr. Shredway. He's mine. Do you hear me? Mine!

What are you doing?

I'm... waking her up. [chuckles]



It's time for her sleeping pills.

Delilah, you have to come to and tell them who did this to you.

Otherwise, they're going to arrest me,

and you know how bad I look in prison stripes.

[beep goes flat]



Jessica?

You murdering, double-crossing fugitive!

What are you doing here?

I mean, you're under arrest!

Book her, Mano!

[in sing-song]

Ooh, somebody's in trouble!

But I'm innocent.

Tell it to your cell mate!

You're under arrest.

What kind of correctional institution are you running here, Mano?

I ordered my dinner an hour ago.

[whistling]



Sorry.

-But I was out catching attempted murderers. -Yeah, yeah.

Hey, who wrote "I love you" in the lemon butter?

I did.

That's so sweet.

Touch my food again and you're a dead Mano, got it?

Hey, what about me?

Oh, yeah. Here's your boloney's sandwich.

Can I have lobster too?

Sure. For your last meal. [laughs]



I would never harm Delilah.

She's my best friend.

Why doesn't anybody believe me?

Stop your squawking. I believe you.

-You do? -I have a hunch it was your evil twin sister.

I have an evil twin sister?

Yeah. We met a long time ago on the wrong side of the tracks.

She's a tough one with a rap sheet a mile long.

m*rder, attempted m*rder, parking in a handicap spot.

Always wanted a sister.

Someone to play with, share secrets, donate organs too.

I got to get out of here.

Next thing you'll be telling me

a bunch of boring family stories.

I know. I'll tunnel my way out.

With what?

I haven't figured that out yet.

I can't believe I have a twin sister.

An identical twin sister.

Wow! I wonder what she looks like.

[Rod]

Cash my dear wife's stock and deposit it into my Swiss Bank account.

She won't need it where she's going. [laughs]



Uh... aren't you supposed to be in jail?

Well, that's a fine "How do you do?"

You're not Jessica, are you?

No, I'm Tom Cruise in one of my Mission Impossible masks.

I'm Lowdown Liz.

Your wife's separated-at-birth evil twin.

[Rod]

Really?

I'm here to warn you about Jessica.

She's even more evil than I am.

She tried to k*ll Delilah, and she'll try to k*ll you.

-Really? -Really. I'm worried about you.

Liz... I don't care how lowdown you are...

I'm hopelessly in love with you.

Of course, you are. I planned it that way.

Scalpel?

I said... scalpel?

You're in love with the new coma girl, aren't you?

-Admit it. -Nurse, get a hold of yourself.

Either assist me like a professional,

or get your beaufitude out of my vicinity.

I can be a coma girl again. Watch.

But Cheryl...

Sorry, Dr. Shredway.

I got carried away.

I will never let the distraction of my personal life...

affect my nursely duties again.

That's better. Scalpel.

I baked your cake.

-Couldn't have just given me the key to the cell? -Shh!

It's got to look like a jailbreak,

otherwise, they're gonna send me up the river.

So?

So... what about our future?

The white picket fence, the little police dog, little Andorra and Mano?

[sighs]

You are freaking me out, Mano!

Andorra, I have a confession to make.

I've fallen madly in love with you ever since I saw you b*at up that motorcycle g*ng.

Anytime you come back to jail, I fall deeper and deeper in love with you.

Marry me, please.

Oh, this baby really rocks! [laughs]



Jessica Wakefield was a real pro.

Not a single fingerprint anywhere.

Wow, lookie here.

A name tag and Jessica's name spelt wrong.

I mean, everybody knows Jessica isn't spelt with an "L".

-[sighs]

You're so smart. -Of course.

We never did explain the huge left footprints at the scene.

Sounds like Bigfoot syndrome. It's very common in Alaska.

Maybe you should start looking there.

Wow... pretty and smart.

You and I would make a great team.

Wait.

There's something very, very wrong.

[people exclaiming]



I ordered a double decaf, not fat cappuccino.

This is two percent fat.

That's it, Bucko, your number's up.

Okay, I'll drink it. Jeez!

Enough of the games.

You know that I know that you know it was me.

What?

You know I tried to k*ll Jessica.

-But Delilah got in the way. -Huh?

It should've been me with the fancy cars and messy divorces,

and the corner suite at rehab.

But soon Jessica will be on death row,

and I can claim the life that is rightfully mine.

And no one's gonna stop me.

So, what you're saying is...

you're out of non-fat.

Goodbye, Rod.

[footsteps approaching]



My long lost separated-at-birth

identical evil twin sister! [screams]



Not me, you idiot.

Sis! [sobbing]



Twins? I don't see it.

How you been? What's new?

Met any cute guys lately?

Tell me everything.

Like how you framed Jessica so you could

take her husband and her millions.

Okay, I confess.

I framed you, almost k*lled your best friend,

tried to steal your husband, and left you to rot in jail.

Can you forgive me?

[chuckles]

Of course, I can.

Then you have Winslow spend millions

on a crooked defense lawyer to get me off?

No, but I'll visit you every Sunday in prison.

We can take about the parents we never had, braid each other's hair,

and gossip about the inmates.

No! Give me death row now!

Sounds like someone needs a nap.

-[growls]

-Back off, evil twin.

-You're going to the big house. -She's so cute.

Book her, Mano!

Delilah...

Where am I? Who are you?

I'm the man who saved your life.

-You're my doctor? -Correctamundo.

Get a haircut, you freak.

I'm hungry. Where's my chef?

And what's with all this polyester?

Get my valet on the phone now.

Lay-tronic to you, Delilah.

What happened to her?

A head-on collision... with a door. [laughs]



I'll take care of you, Nurse Cher. I promise.

And I'll never leave you for a coma girl ever again.

Come on, let's get her to the OR.

How about some medical attention,

starting with a private room?

Move her to the private room.

-The padded one? -[laughs]



Be hit by a door... sounds little far-fetched, if you ask me.

She was hit by a door?

Sounds little far-fetched to me.

Welcome back, stranger.

Liz...

how did you get out of jail?

Jail?

You know, for trying to k*ll Delilah.

I think you're still little groggy. You want some coffee?

No. Especially, not from you.

Take it easy.

Here, this'll make you feel better.

Oh, my God, you are a nurse!

Calm down, you were knocked out. You must've had a bad dream.

My aunt Dora used to have bad dreams all the time.

Aunt Andorra?

Yeah, the one who went to jail

for b*ating up the motorcycle g*ng.

Oh, my God. It wasn't a dream.

Get away from me. All of you!

Oh, good you're up. You just missed the best episode of Generic Hospital.

-See-- -Lila, you're all right.

I was so worried about you.

I'm fine, thanks.

You know, I think it is so funny.

Just when you had me doubting Search For Love,

-you get knocked out by a door. Ahhh! -Oh, my God.

Jessica, what's this about you getting hit in the head by a door?

-Lila? -Is she okay?

[theme music playing]



♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪