04x04 - The Right to Bare Midriffs

[bunniefuu]

Lila, will you read me my horoscope?

[Renata, Brazilian accent] Horoscopes?

I cannot believe how superstitious you Americans are.

Don't they have horoscopes in Brazil?

They do.

But it's considered very bad luck to read them.

Lila, what's that on the other side

of the horoscope section?

It's called the front page.

"School board to vote on mandatory dress code.

A measure currently under consideration

by the school board calls for a ban

on visible displays of designer logos."

[gasps]

"And the wearing of excessive jewelry."

But that is the only kind I have.

Oh wah, wah. These are just fashion hurdles.

You'll have to find a way to get under them.

Wait, there's more.

"But the school board's main goal

is banishing clothes which expose the navel."

No.

No!

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

Come on, let me use the phone to call the sports hotline.

I need this quote to finish my article.

But you're not even talking to anybody.

That's because I'm on hold.

Why don't you get your scores on the Internet?

The Inter

-nerd? Not for me.

Hey, look, a basketball website with its own chat room.

What self

-respecting athlete

would waste their time on a computer?

I mean...

Wait a minute.

Hey, these guys really know what they're talking about.

Sonics' full

-court D,

Bulls' triangle and one.

Laker Girls, awesome.

I'm ready, uh

-huh.

Great, thank you.

This guy wants to know

who the top high school recruit is from California.

That would be Todd Wilkins.

[Liz] Let's go.

You go ahead. I'm in the middle of something.

Okay.

So, I'll rent the movie.

Mm

-hmm.

And I'll see you back at the house?

Got it.

Oh, and one other thing.

Can I sign you up for ballet class?

Uh

-huh.

[eerie music]

[distorted] Don't you look average today, Jessica?

[horror music]

Aah!

Eee!

Todd, there's this new device in your home.

It's called a shower.

You might want to use it.

I was up all night on the Internet,

talking to people in the basketball chat room.

Wow, your first Internet hangover.

Don't worry, you'll feel better by noon.

It was intense.

I mean, I didn't know who these people were

or what they look like, but they all love talking hoops.

Exactly.

On the Internet, no one cares what you look like.

It's all about what you have in common.

That's how Petunia and I bonded.

Petunia?

Yeah, my virtual girlfriend.

We met in the brain teaser chat room.

I noticed her anagrams.

She liked my palindromes.

We've been interfacing ever since.

I feel like I can be honest with her.

You know, be myself.

Yeah? What's your screen name?

Adonis, like the Greek god.

Todd, where were you last night?

I rented Sense and Sensibility.

I know. I didn't have time for a double feature.

So why didn't you call me?

I was on the Internet, I'm sorry.

Okay. Well, how about tonight?

Sure, right after the online symposium

with Shaquille O'Neal.

I should be done around midnight.

[Jessica] We are not giving up.

Face it, Jess.

The school board is gonna pass that dress code tomorrow.

Fashion as we know it is dead.

Well, if tomorrow we shall die, then let today be Carnival.

Don't worry, I'm taking action.

When Principal Cooper sees the stunning

new crop tops in my fall collection,

that stupid dress code will be history.

Maybe we should talk to Cheryl.

She used to be in charge of SMAP.

Supermodels Against Pollution.

Please, this is important.

It affects the entire school.

Not just the air we breathe.

Trust me, my plan will work.

Let me guess. A mall exploded on you?

[laughs sarcastically]

This is no time for a joke, Cheryl.

We're in the middle of a fashion crisis.

Lila, I told you. I have a plan.

So do I.

I'm organizing the student body

to protect our right to freedom of expression.

We've got petitions, we've got pamphlets,

and we're ready to protest.

That might work, too.

[Winston] Today's a big day for me and Petunia.

She's downloading a photograph,

and we're gonna meet later at the Moon Beach.

Oh, good thing you're attracted to her personality.

That way, it won't matter what she looks like.

Yeah, you're right.

She better be cute though.

You never can be too careful

about people you meet on the Internet.

Wow, she's beautiful.

And she's asking for my picture now.

Which one of these do you think I should use?

Here's one of me at the beach, but,

see, my hair's too curly.

This is one from Halloween.

That might give her the wrong idea.

This is just too goofy.

Um... oh!

I'll use this one of you and me.

My hair is perfect.

"I'm the one

on the right."

Can you make sure this goes



-in all right for me?

-[Todd] Sure.

I don't want to be late for health class.

Today they're showing "the film."

[laughs]

Charles Barkley, the best player in the NBA?



-Are you crazy?

-[scanner beeping]

Oh, Mr. Barkley.

I'm a huge fan.

I wuv you this much.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wuv you this much.

I wuv you infinity.

Okay, pumpkin, I gotta go.

Things are obviously going well with you and Manny.

Oh, Liz, it is so great.

Now I understand what you and Todd have.

What?

It's probably nothing,

but last night Todd was supposed to come over

to watch a movie and he never did.

He spent the entire night on the Internet.

Not the Internet.

Haven't you heard about all those relationships

ruined by online love affairs?

One minute, he's arm in arm with you,

and the next thing you know, he's making out with his modem.

How do you know so much about this?

Dear Abby talks about it all the time.

That and about year olds

that still live with their mothers.

Do you really think that could happen to Todd and me?

No, I'm sure both of you will be

out of your parents' houses by then.

I had to come back.

I missed you this much.

I missed you this much.

[laughing]

Oh, I know. I'm for bare midriffs.

Thank you.

Liz, here. Sign my petition.

Jess, are you petitioning for a three

-day school week again?

No, for the dress code.

We're gonna have a dress code?

Awesome!

I hope we get to wear uniforms.

Then we can match every day.



-[laughs]

-Seek help.

[Lila, on bullhorn] Don't become a school board pawn.

Fight to keep my

-

- I mean, our logos on.

[giggles]

There are no victims in this parking lot.



-You have a choice.

-[girl] Yeah, right.

It's okay, Jessica, She's in costume.

The drama department's doing a modern version

of Little House On The Prairie: The Musical.

It doesn't look modern.

[Cheryl] The entire cast is on roller blades.

Besides, she already signed my petition.

I don't get it. Everyone signs your petition.

I've only got two signatures, and they're both mine.

What am I doing wrong?

I'll sign your petition.

Ew, get away from me.

Do you think just anyone can sign this?

Oh, this is too exhausting.

I don't know if I can carry on.

Jessica, you can't give up.

Don't you believe in your inalienable rights?

I hate to tell you this.

There's no such thing as aliens.

Don't you have any convictions?

No, just parking tickets.

Look, do you want to wear halter tops,

crop tops, and hip huggers?

Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!

Give me that bullhorn.

You didn't get your three

-day school week,

and you're not blocking the dress code.

Principal Cooper, it was Voltaire who said,

"I disapprove of what you say,

but I defend to the death your right to say it."

Well, it was Principal Cooper who said,

the school board is going to pass the dress code today,

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Principal Cooper, I don't know what

Cheryl's friend Voltaire is talking about,

but I do know one thing.

Today, we're gonna take our fight

all the way to City Hall.

[applause and cheering]

Where's City Hall?

Can't be nervous.

I'm not just Winston Egbert.

I'm... I'm Adonis.

God of the cyber studs.

And I'm about to meet my cyber goddess.

[clattering]

Oh!

[comic music]

You're my widdle buggy boo boo head.

You're my sweet baboo

-boo girl.



-Please stop.

-Here you go.

Manny bananny, let's race to the middle.

Okay, eenie meenie minie moo.

[giggling]

Do you go to Sweet Valley High?

Yeah, I do.

Good, I'm supposed to meet a guy here

that goes to Sweet Valley.

Maybe you know him?

I might, what's his name?

Well, I don't know.

See, up till now, the only time I've talked to him

is on the Internet.

Here's his picture.

Isn't he gorgeous?

Could you excuse me?

[Petunia] Sure.

[somber music]

Well, here I am.

Finally, I've been waiting for you.

Well, I hope it's worth the wait.

I'll have a burger and a large fries.

Wait, you don't realize who I am, do you?

The picture, that's

-

- that's me.

Oh, is that you next to Adonis?

So you're his friend. It's nice to meet you.

Hold on a minute. See, you don't quite realize what

-

-

I mean, when I saw this picture,

I was like, can I get a side order

of pecs with those brains?

Adonis is everything I dreamed he'd be.

Yeah, but the funny thing is, he's me.

Beauty and brains. He's perfect.

But, of course, you already know all this.

Tell me all about him.

What can I say?

He's the one.

Hey, Lila, listen to this.

"The Congress shall not abridge the right of the people

to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

[both] Whatever.

[doorbell rings]

Hi. I got your flyer, and I'm here to help

defend my right to a bare midriff.

You got any food?

Ew!

Liz, it's about time you showed up.

You can't expect me to do this all by myself.

I just found out Todd is cheating on me

with some Internet bimbo.

Does everything always have to be about you?

Elizabeth, you have to show him

this passion that rages within you.

Only then will he forget the others.

What if that doesn't work?

Then you slap him.

[doorbell rings]

[boy singing protest cadence] ♪ Don't walk around ♪

♪ Blind and scared ♪

♪ Fight to keep our midriffs bare ♪

♪ Don't walk around blind and scared ♪

♪ Fight to keep our midriffs bare ♪

Okay, quick, get in here before anyone sees you.

Hey, Winston.

Do you have a first

-aid kit back here?

I think I got hacker's hangnail.

I thought you'd never make it.

Uh, who are you?

I'm Petunia from the chat room.

Petunia?

Oh, that rings a bell.

Are you the one who sells genuine sweat

from NBA players?

I thought you were from Schenectady.

Very funny.

Did you solve that stumper I emailed you earlier today?

Stumper?

You know.

If my heart beats times a minute

when I log on with you at five o'clock

and increases to times a minute

when we log off at nine,

what is my heartbeat's average rate of change?



-Uh...

-Well?

How could you cheat on me, Todd?

And here, in front of all of our friends.

You know, I've got a lot of passion raging inside me.

You do?



-Oh!

-You have a girlfriend?

I knew it was too good to be true.

You're just another Internet predator.

No, I'm not. What's an Internet predator?

Five beats per hour.

Stay out of this, Winston.

Five beats per hour

is your heartbeat's average rate of change

when you're with me.

Of course, that assumes you're in a sealed vacuum.

Adonis?

[Jessica] I'm so excited.



-[Renata] Me, too.

-How do I look?

[Lila] You look fine.



-Do you like my outfit?

-Yes!

[Jessica] Okay, here we are.

[Lila] We better win. I know we're gonna win.

[Renata] Of course we're going to win.



-[beeping]

-Hurry up, Renata.



-We're already late.

-Miss, remove your jewelry.

Do not cry for me, Jess and Lila.

You must go and fight for our cause.



-Let's go.

-Okay, come on.

I'm so nervous.

[Winston] But once I saw how excited you were

about the photo of Todd,

I was too embarrassed to tell you that I was Adonis.

Why?

I like the person I met on the Internet.

I was prepared to like the person in the photograph.

Even if he didn't have pecs?

Even if he didn't have pecs.

Well, did I get the answer

to your brain teaser right?

No, the answer isn't five beats an hour.

It's four.

Because when I'm with you, my heart skips a b*at.

Now let's forget about brain teasers

and get to know each other better.

I wonder how fast our hearts b*at

when we're together, my little choochie bear.

So let me get this straight.

She wasn't from Schenectady,

and you slapped me for no reason.



-Sorry.

-Well, I guess I deserve it

for spending of the last hours on the Internet

when I should've been spending them with you.

hours?

Do you know how much that will cost?

You mean it isn't free?

[comic music]

[Jessica] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

as Americans, we enjoy many special rights.

The right to wear brown lipstick with blue eyeliner,

the right to mix plaids and florals,

and the Bill of Rights states,

and I looked this up,

we have the right to bear arms.

So, duh, we also have the right to bare legs.

And most importantly...

the right to bare midriffs.

[woman] What?!

[clapping]

That was a wonderful speech.

But this is the Water Review Board.

The school board's down the hall.

If you dictate what clothing we can wear,

you rob us of our fundamental right to express ourselves.

To be individuals.

To be free.

You go, girl!

No less an American than Abraham Lincoln said,

"Those who deny freedom to others

deserve it not for themselves."

In short, we don't tell you how to dress.

Please extend us the same courtesy.



-Thank you.

-All right.

[applause and cheering]



-That was excellent.

-Good job.

I'm so excited.

Well, we did it.

We?

You know, I really learned something today.

How, with a little organization,

even young people can affect change?

No, how you should always read

a building's directory before you go rushing into rooms.

We did it.

We?

[Renata] There, that is the last of it.

[Jessica] Coming, Renata?

So, tell me a little bit more

about your raging passion.

I'd rather show you.

So, Adonis, like the Greek god.

That's not your real name, is it?

No, it's Winston.

Like my grandfather.

He's not a god, and he's not Greek.

He has a lot of hair on his back.

How about you?

Your parents obviously didn't name you

-

-

Petunia?

It's the most beautiful name I've ever heard.

[Petunia] Thanks.

Is it just me or is it getting kind of mushy in here?

You're right.

Some people don't have any self

-control.

It's making me sick. Let's get outta here.

I am right behind you.

[boy] Hey, everybody, look who's on TV!

I'm here on the steps of City Hall

where Sweet Valley High students

have just successfully convinced the school board

to abandon mandatory dress codes.

Jessica Wakefield, you have just struck a blow

for students everywhere.

What are you gonna do now?

I'm going to the mall! Come on, girls.



-[woman] Jessica, which mall?

-Jessica, please.

[Jessica] Come on, Renata.



-[Lila] Wait for me!

-Just one more question!

[comic music]

[applause and cheering]

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down ♪

♪ Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see ♪

♪ There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you ♪

♪ At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you ♪

♪ At Sweet Valley High ♪



-[cheerful music]

-[children laughing]