04x05 - Lights, Camera, Fractions

[bunniefuu]

Another new calendar?

Didn't you just buy one, like, last year?

Yeah, and the year before that, and the year before that.

I don't need one of those.

I never forget anything.

Okay. I have to be at the community center at :.

Where'd you park the Jeep?

I drove?

[Winston] Yeah. Uh

-huh, great.

Okay, okay, buh

-bye.

Great news, my script has been accepted

into the Rockwater Student Film Festival,

and they're giving me a grant to turn it into a student film.

Winston, that's great.

I didn't know you wrote a script.

Yawn. There's something so JV about student films.

What's it's about?

Oh, it's a simple story about a boy

struggling through adolescence,

serving burgers in a local joint.

I just hope Friskel and Debert like it.



-The film critics?

-Like they're gonna see it.

They're judging the competition.

Wow, those guys carry a lot of weight.

Especially Friskel.

Suggestion

-

- more workout, less takeout.

I think you're talking about Debert.

Friskel's the bald one.

Whatever.

They both wear hideous sweaters.

Yeah, but they could launch a film career.

Please, no one's gonna care about a student film festival

just because Frumpy and Frumpier are judging it.

Actually, they're gonna televise all the films

on a special edition of their show.

It's gonna be on TV?

Mm

-hmm.

Call me when you're ready for some star quality.

Oh, and by the way, I do my own stunts.

Oh!

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

Ready to get started on our physics project?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I'm taking a ride up the coast on my bike.



-You wanna come?

-I don't think so.

Come on, Liz, you gotta take time to stop and smell the

-

-

Exhaust?

No, thanks, I'm way too busy.

So when do you wanna work on the project?

I don't know, maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow won't work, I'm booked solid.

I've got Todd's basketball game, an Oracle meeting,

and I promised the Beautification Society

I'd help them plant orange trees.

When are you gonna feed the homeless?

Depending on traffic, I should be

at the soup kitchen by five o'clock.

How do you live your life by a schedule like that?

Don't you have any time for yourself?

Actually, I've got five minutes

of personal time penciled in right now.

I call my film The Man in the Moon Beach.

It's a tale of longing and loneliness.

A meditation on unrequited love.

In this scene, we'll meet the simple, down

-to

-earth girl

who's captured the burger boy's heart.

She's come in every day for a year,

and every day she's said the same thing

-

-

"Thanks for the fries, I'll see you tomorrow."



-[Jessica] Time out.

-Huh?

Fries every day?

[scoffs] Goodbye bikini, hello muumuu.

Try a small salad with low

-fat dressing on the side.

Do you mind?

But on this day, the burger boy

finally finds the courage to ask her out.

[girl] Thanks.

Wait, I wanna...

tell you about tomorrow's specials.

[girl] Oh, okay.

And that was the day the young burger flipper

realized she would always be the customer,

and he would always be The Man in the Moon Beach.

Winston, that was beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, what color lipstick

do you want me to wear as the french fry girl?

It doesn't matter, Jessica.

My film's gonna be in black and white.

Black and what?

Besides, I kinda had someone else in mind for the role.



-Who?

-Enid.

Really? I don't have much experience,

although I did play a sprig of arugula

in my fourth grade production of Lettuce Romaine Friends,

but I kept getting upstaged by a crouton.

[Winston] You see, that's perfect.

Innocence, naivety. You are the french fry girl.

I am?

Ugh! Have you lost it?

I want you to look me in the eye

and tell me I am not perfect for this movie.

[tapping foot]

Well, I'm waiting.

Well, I'm waiting.

Jessica, you're right.

You are perfect.

You'll play the waitress.

Cool, where's the script?

I wanna start practicing my lines.

Oh, no, that's okay,

the waitress doesn't have any lines.

[doorbell rings]



-Hey.

-Oh, no, your game.

Todd, I am so sorry. I was planning to go,

but the orange trees had slugs,

and everybody wanted seconds at the soup kitchen.

Whatever.

Todd, I've been to practically every other game you've played.

It was bad enough you blew me off

for the preseason banquet, but this was our first game.

I'm sorry, I've just been really busy.

Yeah, I've noticed.

Oh, and we won.

In case you were wondering.

We need to talk.

Now what?

Enid can't play the french fry girl.

But she's got the innocent charm that I want.

It's not about what you want, Winston.

You gotta give the people what they want.

I don't know.

You're gonna risk your entire career on Enid's innocent charm.



-..

-I can see the reviews.

"Egbert's leading lady puts audiences to sleep."



-Is that what you want?

-No.

To be laughed out of the film festival?

No, of course not.

I can't let you do this to yourself.



-You can't?

-No.

I'm going to save your film.

I'll star as the french fry girl.



-You will?

-Yes.

Now, since we're taking the role

of the french fry girl in a more beautiful direction,

maybe we should rethink the male lead as well.

No, I can't do it.

I have to play the burger boy.

I was born to play the role of Winston Egbert.

Let's not get carried away, Winston.

What audience would think a guy like you

would have a chance with a girl like me?

Well, it could happen.

Not on this planet.

Okay, but if he's gonna fill my shoes,

he has to be sharp, intuitive,

and know his way around a movie set.

Hey, are you guys making a movie?

Or we could cast Todd.

I don't know about this whole acting thing.

When I think actors, I think tights.

Come on, Todd, you could use some extracurriculars

for your college applications.

The only activity you've had is basketball.

And baseball.

The point is, it wouldn't hurt to try something new.

I don't know, do you remember what happened to Mick Evans,

the captain of the wrestling team,

when he played the lead in that Shakespeare play?

[Liz] As You Like It?

Yeah, I liked it okay, but

-

-

Todd, Mick got great reviews from critics

and standing ovations from audiences.

And a month's worth of wedgies from the wrestling team.

You already promised Winston.

If I do it, will you come to the film festival?

Of course, I will.

In fact, I'll schedule it right now.

Thanks, Liz.

Now I'll have at least one fan in the audience.

You know what they say about movie stars.

Uh, they're shorter in person?

They always get the girl.

[alarm beeps]

Oops, I've gotta be at the roll call in ten minutes.

[Enid] Thanks for the fries.

No, thanks for the fries.

No, maybe, thanks for the fries!

Perfect.

Enid, there's been a minor change in the casting.

Tiny, really.

You are now the waitress.

But I thought you said I was perfect

for the french fry girl!

Who'd you get to replace me?

Winston, I counted my lines, and I have less than Todd.

Ugh, at least you have lines.

The waitress might as well be mute.

Enid, plenty of great actors

play characters with disabilities.

Holly Hunter was mute in The Piano.

Al Pacino was blind in Scent of a Woman.

Kevin Costner had that cheesy haircut in The Bodyguard.

[groans]

Wait, I can give you a different disability.

Hey, Winston, I was up all night reading your script.

It's only ten pages long.

Eleven if you count the title page.

Anyway, there is a bad typo on the last page right here.

It says I don't get the girl.

That's because it's a story about unrequited love.

Well, that's fine, that's fine, as long as they end up together.

Oh, and another thing, this movie really needs some action!

There's no fist fights, explosions,

car chases, not even a grease fire!

Friskel and Debert like action, man, you know?

Do you remember their favorite movie last year?

Of course, Die Hard : Would You Die Already?

Exactly, you gotta give the people what they want.

Yeah, all my character does is chow on fries

like a total heifer.

What you need to do is make her

a realistic woman of the 's, like a karate master.

Karate?! Look, I am a visionary trying to make

a simple black and white film that comes from the heart,

and I don't need explosions or karate to help me do it.

I absolutely refuse

to compromise my artistic integrity!

If you don't make some major changes, I walk.

And I take the entire cast with me.

Fine, I'll make some changes,

but the film stays in black and white.

You looking for something?

Give me that.

Why don't we toss this schedule and cut class?

Are you crazy?

Miss Wakefield, please keep it down.

Afraid you might have a good time?

Hardly. Now give me my calendar.

Miss Wakefield, you're disrupting my class. Watch it.

Ooh, trouble.

Shut up. You're gonna get me detention,

and I'll miss the film festival.

Oh, now that would be a tragedy, wouldn't it?

I've had it with you!

And I've had it with you, Miss Wakefield.

You just got yourself detention.

[chuckling]

You should be the one going to detention.

Why? I'm not the one that got caught.

That's not the point.

Relax, a girl like you could probably

get time off for good behavior.

Look, I promised Todd I'd be there for him today,

and now I can't.

But I wouldn't expect you to understand that.

You don't care about anyone but yourself.

[alarm rings]

Looks like it's time for detention.

You don't wanna be late.

[Mr. Cohen] Take a seat, Miss Wakefield.

[somber music]

[photographer] Over here please, over here.



-That's good, that's good.

-Move to your left.

My dress?

My dress was designed by

-

-

[photographer] Not your dress, I said move to your left.

[woman] Here comes Friskel and Debert!



-Here they come.

-Thank you, sir.



-Hello, folks.

-Over here!

Now that's a stunning sweater.

Very slimming.

For the record, I've always thought

you were the brilliant one.

Everyone knows Debert's a real Bozo.

I am so rude. Let me introduce myself.

I'm Jessica Wakefield.

Hi. I'm Robert "Bozo" Debert.

If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get some Milk Duds.

Milk Duds again, Robert?

I can actually hear you getting larger.

Don't start with me, chrome dome.

You guys, don't wig out.



-[photographer] Mr. Friskel!

-Actually, maybe you should.

[laughing]

So, Winston, are you nervous?

Nervous, me? Why would I be nervous?

Are you kidding, look at all these people here.

Directors, celebrities, Babe the Pig,

and they're all going to see your movie.

I'd be a total wreck,

especially with all those last

-minute changes you made.

I feel fine.

But what if the film bombs?

Impossible. I'm giving the people what they want.

I hope.

[boy humming along to song in headphones]

Mr. Cohen, here.

Liz, it seems you have a family emergency

and are needed at home.

There's a shortcut to the parking lot

through the tunnels under school.

I can show you.

Hey, Liz.

Not now, Devon, there's been an emergency

-

-



-I'm your emergency.

-What?

I got you out of detention.

Now let's get you to that film festival.

I'm not going with you.

Then you're walking.

I saw Jessica leave in the Jeep.

Come on, it's a long way to hitchhike.

Come on, Todd, the films are about to start.

But Liz isn't here. I need her to help me with my tie.

It's a clip

-on.

Well, I need her, okay?

Wasn't so bad, was it?

No, actually, it was kind of fun. Thanks.

[Devon] See ya.

Aren't you coming?

Nah, it's not really my scene.

Devon, why'd you do this?

'Cause I realized it was important to you.

Thanks, but since when do you care?

Look, losing my parents made me realize how fast life goes.

It's more than appointments on a calendar.

You've gotta figure out what's really important,

then forget about the rest.

So what's important to you?

Isn't that obvious?

[soft music]

[motorcycle starts]

[Todd] Liz!

Hey, you made it!

[Liz] Hey, sorry I'm late.

[Todd] I'm so glad you're here.

[audience applauding]

That was R

-O

-W

-D

-I

-E, Anatomy of a Pep Rally,

a riveting documentary from the students of Jefferson High.

Next up, a clip of the film

from Sweet Valley High's Winston Egbert.

[audience applauding]

[soft dramatic music]

[narrator] He was a lonely burger boy.

[Todd, voiceover] Man, am I lonely.

[narrator] Living in a small, quiet town.

[Todd] Man, this town is small and quiet.

[narrator] She was the spark that ignited

the raging inferno of his adolescent desire.

[Todd] Man, she's a babe.

Thanks for the small salad with low

-fat dressing

on the side. See you tomorrow.

[narrator] He was caught in a cruel cycle

of unrequited love.

He wanted desperately to reach out to her,

to connect, until one day, all that changed.

[plates crashing]

Todd Wilkins is Winston Egbert.

[dramatic music]

Jessica Wakefield is

the salad with low

-fat dressing on the side girl.

With a special appearance by Enid Rollins

as the handicapped t*rror1st disguised

as a handicapped waitress.

[Enid] I'll be back!



-[ninja] Waaah!

-[expl*si*n]



-[ninjas yelling]

-[rock music]

[Jessica] Hyah!

[Todd doing kung

-fu yells]

[bones cracking]

Hah hah!

Yaah

-yah!

[nunchacku whooshing]

Waaah!

[groaning]

[narrator] In a world where the food is fast,

but the prices are surprisingly reasonable,

somebody's gonna get hurt.

So, how come you never tip me?

'Cause you never got my order right.

[narrator] If you want it all,

you got to be willing to sh**t the Moon Beach.

This time, it's personal.

[narrator] A Winston Egbert film.

Dean, is there a landfill nearby,

or did that movie just stink up the screen?

You mean, you hated this movie as much as I did?

I have three words for it

-

- really, really bad.

The only redeeming feature was Enid Rollins

with her inspirational portrayal

of the wheelchair

-bound t*rror1st.

Winston Egbert could've learned a lot

from Big Mesa's winning entry,

The Lonely Guy and the French Fry Girl.

A touching coming

-of

-age story about a burger flipper.

We've never agreed like this before.

Robert, I feel like hugging you right now.



-Aww.

-Aww.

[boy] Wow, that was pretty bad.

Winston, I know I've given you a hard time in the past,

but I just want you to know, you really blew it this time.

Even I couldn't save your film.

Thanks a lot, Jessica.

You're welcome.

Well, I'm off. I've got a meeting

with the director from Big Mesa.

I'm thinking sequel.

[muttering]

Winston, are you okay?

I'm a coward.

I didn't believe in my own vision,

and I made a movie even I wouldn't wanna see.

Enid, I am so sorry.

I should've never taken you out of the lead.

Hey, I'm sure with the reviews you got,

you could be a star in Hollywood.

I don't think so.

My cousin Cletus works in movies,

and he said Hollywood's the kinda town

where people b*at you up, throw you around,

kick you while you're down.

Your cousin's an actor?

No, a stuntman.

So, did you think I was any good?

Um, your hair looked great.

I knew it, I was terrible.

I'm giving up acting.

Well, you'll always be my leading man.

[alarm beeps]

Let me guess, a meeting at the Oracle.

Let's see, it says here I have to

stop and smell the roses.

[soft music]

♪ Look right down ♪

♪ Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see ♪

♪ There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you ♪

♪ At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you ♪

♪ At Sweet Valley High ♪



-[cheerful music]

-[children laughing]