04x21 - Ticket to Lie

[bunniefuu]

Are you sure you wanna do this, Manny?

It'’s a serious commitment.

I know. I'’ve been thinking about it a lot and...

let'’s do it.

Right here?

Right now, baby.

Okay. [laughs]

Cool, it'’s waterproof.

That way I can beep you in the tub.

Oh, Manny, you got the deluxe model.

It beeps and has a snooze alarm.

That way I can beep you in the middle of the night

and tell you all my dreams

Of course, they'’re all about you.



-Really?

-Really.

Well, except for the one where I'’m on

my Great Aunt Guadeloupe. spirit ranch in Portland.

Wait. You have a Great Aunt Guadeloupe

who runs a ferret ranch in Portland, too?

Yup. She'’s married to Great Uncle Al.

He'’s the black sheep of the family.

He'’s a brain surgeon.

Really? My Great Aunt married a doctor named Al too.

You know what this means?



-That we can get free operations?

-No.

We might be related.

Oh.

Oh.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'’ll see there'’s a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other'’s shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

[Teacher] If angle A is degrees and angle B is degrees,

what is angle C?

Ms. Wakefeild?

Um.

[phone rings]

I'’ll get back to you on that.

Lila? Where are you?

It'’s Thursday. Where else would I be?

I'’m lunching at the Ritz.

You'’ll never believe who'’s here.

Rex Laundry.

Rex Laundry? The lead singer of Shop? Are you sure?

Of course, I'’m sure.

Quick. Go ask him for backstage passes to his concert.

Jessica, Fowlers hire musicians. They don'’t converse with them.

Look, Lila. This is an emergency!

Jam Fest is sold out and I need tickets.

At least stall him till I get there.

Please, I'’d rather dye my hair at a strip mall.

[Teacher] So, if X equals then what does Y equal?

Excuse me.

Gotta go. Family emergency.

[Teacher] What?

[bell ringing]

[Teacher] And remember, the mid term

counts as % of your grade.

Uhh. Ugh.

We'’re only half way through the semester

I mean, how could he spring a mid

-term on us now?

Relax, Todd.

Any moron who can walk and chew gum at the same time

can pass this test.

Easy for you to say.

You know, you study

and do the homework.

I better get studying right away.

Come on, Wilkins. Let'’s sh**t some hoops.

Hey, good idea.

Come on, let'’s do it.

Jocks.



-Ahh, I get the best sleep in that class.

-I know.

If I weren'’t for History I wouldn'’t get any sleep at all.



-Todd.

-Hey, Coach.

Hey. I just had a talk with Principal Cooper

about your grades.



-Again?

-Mm

-hmm.

Again.

Well, don'’t sweat it, coach.

By the time the season starts again, I'’ll pull em back up.

You don'’t have that long, Wilkins.

If you don'’t bring them up over mid

-terms,

you'’re gonna have to sit out all of next season.

Uhh.

Look, I'’ve heard some rumors

that some of the athletes are circulating

stolen copies of the mid

-terms.

If any of my players are involved...

their careers at Sweet Valley High are over.

Understood?

Yeah. I mean, come on, coach. [chuckles]

If I were cheating, do you think my grades would be this bad?

No, you just remember...

If you or anybody else on this team tries to cheat,

you can trade in your basketball career

for a job at

-Eleven.

I need your jacket.

Huh? Why?

Jean is Rex Laundry'’s favorite color.

But I need it.

I need it more.

I can'’t let him see me in the shirt.

Hey, that'’s mine, too.

Duh. But I got make up on it

and I need to cover it up.

Manny.

You are not gonna believe this.

I was at the supermarket stocking up on corn nuts...

and here, right in the National Tabloid it says...

"Are you related? The scientific quiz."

Really? Quiz me.

It says here, "People who are related

have the same physical quirks."

Number one.

Can you wiggle your ears?

That'’s easy.

Can you?

Afraid so.

Number two.

Can you curl your tongue?



-Like this?

-Exactly.

Last one.

Can you do the Star Trek

"live long and prosper shake" with both hands?

That reminds me.

We have to pick out the outfits for the convention.

Manny.

We are related.

Does this mean we'’re not going to the convention?

Not as Mr. and Ms. Spock.

But, you get to go to the family reunion. It'’s in Hoboken this year.

Come on, Enid. You can'’t blow me off because of that stupid quiz.

If it'’s good enough for the National Tabloid, it'’s good enough for me.

I guess we won'’t be needing these anymore.

I guess not.

See you around, Enid.

Yeah.

See you around.

Wait.

I'’ve got an idea.

I can write to my Uncle Woody.

He'’s the family historian.

He'’d know if we'’re related.



-Why don'’t you call him?

-I can'’t.

The core won'’t let him have any electrical appliances.

But until then...

we'’re gonna have to be just friends.

[police siren]

[car music playing]

Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Has anyone ever told you

you have the brownest eyes?

License and registration.

What did I do wrong?

You were speeding and you ran a stop sign.

If I was speeding, how was I supposed to read the sign?

Elizabeth Wakefeild?

Yup. That'’s me officer.

Hey, Winston?

Uh...

Are you sure you used

fresh clams in the chowder?

That'’s what it said on the can.

Oh.

.$, not including tip.

We don'’t accept these anymore.

Ugh, pimento loaf.

I don'’t think this is my jacket.

Nice try. Pay up.

Love sonnets?

This is definitely not my jacket.

I must'’ve grabbed the wrong one after hoops.

What'’s this?

It'’s the history mid

-term.

Oh, cool. I don'’t have to study this weekend.

It'’s not cool, Todd.

Remember what happened to Jimmy Walker

when he stole the test last year?

Mr. Clark failed the whole class.

I can'’t get an F. It'’ll ruin my GPA.

Ah, coach was telling me...

people were passing out stolen tests.

If he finds me with the test,

my entire basketball career is over.

Why don'’t you call Mr. Clark and tell him the truth?

[sigh]

Like he'’d believe me with my grades.

Good point.

What are we gonna do?

I don'’t know, but one things for sure.

I'’m not taking an F

because some brain dead jock

didn'’t want to study.

No offense.

We'’ve got to return the test

before Mr. Clark realizes it'’s gone.

Too late. The school'’s closed.

The doors are locked for the weekend.

There'’s got to be something we can do.

Okay, here'’s the plan.

We'’re gonna break into school.



-Awesome.

-Okay.

We'’re gonna climb up through the

-

-

air conditioning ducts over Mr. Clark'’s classroom

and drop into the class.

Yeah, this is gonna be a blast.

This is not a blast, Todd.

This is a mission.

Now remember, you must disavow any knowledge of our mission

should you get caught.

Hey, you think we can go to jail for this?

Probably.

Breaking and entering.

I don'’t know, Winston, this is starting to sound kinda serious.

Hey, it'’s up to you, Todd.

You can either take a chance...

or work at

-Eleven for the rest of your life.

He wouldn'’t give me his extra ticket

all because I dumped him at his birthday party.

So, what if I left with his best friend?

It was over two years ago.

Get over it.

I'’ve got a ticket for you.



-Oops. Gotta go.

-[phone beeping]

You do?

This is for running a stop sign.

I can'’t get into Jam Fest with this.

Why does this ticket have my name on it?

[sigh] I gave the policeman your license.

It'’s the only one I had.

Oh, by the way...

You should get your picture retaken.

It'’s embarrassing.

Look, Jess, I don'’t want this on my driving record.

Neither would I.

Your insurance is gonna go through the roof.

Which is why you'’re coming to court with me

and explaining the whole thing.

Sorry, no can do.

I have to track down concert tickets, remember?

Listen very carefully, Jess.

We'’re going downtown and explaining exactly what happened.

You'’re actually gonna take responsibility for your own actions.

Do I make myself clear?

[doorbell ringing]

Hold that thought.

Jess.



-Come on.

-[doorbell ringing]



-Come on!

-[doorbell ringing]

Jess, I'’m talking to you.

Lila, perfect timing.

Jess, you'’re not going anywhere but downtown.

This is your mess and you'’re gonna clean it up.

I'’m not gonna let you get away with it this time.

Well, let'’s see.

This ticket'’s in your name so...

I guess I'’ve already gotten away with it.

Uhh.



-Winston!

-What?

Can

-

-can you...

[grunts]

[groaning]

I think I'’m gonna be sick.

Oh, that'’s just terrific.

Did Tom Cruise get sick in Mission Impossible ?

I don'’t think so.

[gasps] Did Tom Cruise

have two bowls of your clam chowder

before his mission?

I don'’t think so.



-[footsteps]

-Shh. Somebody'’s coming.

That...

was intense. Uhh.

I think I'’m gonna hurl.

[shuts door]

Give me the test.

I thought you had it.



-What?

-Just kidding. [laughs]

[gasps]

Locked!

That wasn'’t part of the plan.

Okay, we'’re not gonna panic.

We'’re gonna just stay calm...

and find a way to figure this out.

Hey, when we'’re done here,

do you want to sneak into the teachers lounge?

Todd...

we'’re here to get out...

of trouble, remember?

[grunts]

This lock is more complicated than I thought.

Let'’s blast it open.

Shh. I almost got it.

Bingo.

[footsteps]

Shh. Someone'’s coming!

[footsteps]



-We better get out of here before our luck runs out.

-Okay.

Forget the teacher'’s lounge.

Let'’s go.

Hey, hey!

Put the test back.

Ah, good thinking.



-[closes drawer]

-We did it!



-Ooh, I knew we got away with it.

-Shh shh.



-Shh.

-Oh

-

-oh.

[footsteps]

[door knob turning]

[screams]

Great sh*t.



-Thanks.

-See...

just because we can'’t go out

doesn'’t mean we can'’t still have fun.



-You'’re right.

-I mean, look.

This is a nice friendly game of pool

between two friends.

You are hot tonight.

No, you'’re hot tonight.

I mean...

it is hot in here tonight.

Phew, can you hand me the chalk?

[footsteps]

Now, what?

Now we have to charge to the north

-west corridor

hit the stairs,

slide down to banister

to the main entrance without...

being seen.

Piece of cake.

Are you ready?

Affirmative.

Let'’s do it!

[opens door]

Wait, go go go.

[policemen chatting]

Huh?

[screams]

Hey! You!

You

-

- you mean us?

Hands up.

You'’re under arrest for trespassing.

You have the right to remain silent,

but first...

give me a hug.

Hey, man.

Hey.



-That'’s okay. Okay.

-Now...

just because you did a bad thing...

doesn'’t mean you'’re a bad person.



-So, you'’re gonna let us go, right?

-Uh, no.

I can'’t do that.

You'’re not sending us to jail are you?

Ah, in the good old days I would.

But we'’re a kinder...

gentler police force now.

Your punishment, I mean...

rehabilitation...

will benefit mankind.



-Huh?

-Huh?

So, I had to go down to the courthouse alone.

The judge didn'’t believe I had a twin sister.

He thought I was just trying to get out of the ticket.

He was so angry, he gave me

a $ fine and community service.

Liz, that'’s horrible.

What do you have to do for community service?

I'’m on the clean up crew for Jam Fest.

It'’s unbelievable.

Jessica gets away with it every time.

Well, maybe not this time.

Come on! The concert'’s half way over.

Relax, the best bands always play last.

I can'’t believe you'’re actually going backstage at Jam Fest.

It'’s about time you wrote something worthwhile

for that boring paper of yours.

Oh, I know, I was getting really tired

of reporting on global warming and the homeless.

Ha, who wouldn'’t.

This is the grungiest crowd I'’ve ever seen.

Isn'’t it cool?

Yeah.

Backstage pass, please?

Under one condition.

Yeah, yeah, what?

Pay me the $ you owe me

for the speeding ticket first.

Liz, would you stop living in the past?

I mean it, Jess.

Okay.

Now, give me my pass.



-Uh

-oh.

-Now what is it?

There'’s only one ticket here... mine.

The Oracle must'’ve forgotten to get me a guest pass.

Oh, I know,

I'’ll review the concert

and you can go home.

Oh, I couldn'’t ask you to do that.

Interviewing rock

-stars is really hard work.

Yeah.

But you'’re my sister.

I'’d do anything for you.

Well, okay.

I really owe you for this one, Jess.

Hey, what are sisters for?

Here'’s my ID.

You'’ll need it to get in.

[squeaking]

Have fun.

Hi. Elizabeth Wakefeild.

Ah, Wakefeild.

That'’s me, that'’s me. [laughs]

Never seen anyone so anxious to do community service before.



-Huh?

-Here,

put this over your clothes

and join the crew through here.

Wait. I'’m not Elizabeth Wakefeild,

I'’m her sister.

Sure.

And I'’m Alec Baldwin.

Get real.

Do I look like I can take a picture this bad?

Okay.

Now, go grab a trash picker...

and pipe down.

Thank you.



-[crying]

-Go.

Manny,

I finally heard from Uncle Woddy.

He said that Great Aunt Guadeloupe

was married to Uncle Sal,

not Uncle Al.

And they live in Portland, Maine,

not Portland, Oregon.

We'’re not related.

[sigh]

I just knew things would work out.

There'’s nothing that could keep us apart.

You said it.

I just wish I could go to your family reunion.

I had my heart set on Hoboken.

You can still go.



-I can?

-Of course you can.

As my boyfriend.

After you fill the bag there'’s a dumpster right outside the exit.

Jessica?

What are you doing here?

[sigh]

The orphanage was closed so I decided to come by here.

Great. So, we can pick up trash together.

I didn'’t think my day could get any worse.

[Rex Laundry] Riggs, wait up.

I can'’t believe it.

It'’s Rex Laundry.

b*at it you guys.

[clears throat] '’Scuse me.

Yes?

I couldn'’t help but notice...

Yes?

You missed something.

[crew laughing]

[others laughing]

Did you see the look on her face?

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'’ll see there'’s a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley, Sweet Valley High ♪