05x23 - Fore!

[bunniefuu]

Mama, I'm so glad you called,

But I can't talk right now.

Since bill just got
back from the gulf,

We're going on a driving trip

To the georgia mountains.

There's a town there
just like a swiss village.

It's supposed to be real nice.

Makes me wonder if there's
a village in switzerland

Fixed up like a georgia town

With swiss people sitting around

Wearing georgia tech t-shirts
and caps, eating moon-pies?

Charlene, don't
you have to go now?

Oh, right. Mama, I got to go.

I love you. Bye-bye.

O.k., Taxes are done.
Just mail them in.

All the bank stuff
is in my top drawer.

Charlene, don't worry.
Go on and have fun.

We'll take care of everything.

O.k. Thanks.

I'll see you all
when I get back.

Bye-bye.

You don't mind me hanging
out here today, do you?

Oh, no. No, not at all.

Good.

I just don't like being
at hillcrest leisure land

On saturdays.

They've got this social director

Who's been trying to
make us do the hokey-pokey.

It's one thing to put
your right foot in

And put your right foot out,

But when you get
to a certain age,

You just don't want to
shake yourself about.

Only one person cooperated,

And it turned out he
was just having a seizure.

Julia, why can't I have it?

We just bought you some
lovely summer clothes.

You have enough, now.

I need a purse.

I said no.

You know, randa,

I believe we still
have a little purse

That belonged to my little girl

When she was just your age.

It says, "hello kitty" on it.

Oh, yeah, right. Sure.

Do I detect a note of sarcasm?

I'm afraid so.

The purse randa wants says,

"Gianni versace" on it.

Oh, that's perfect.

That means "hello
kitty" in italian...

Doesn't it?

Julia...

Randa, I'm not buying
you a $300 purse.

Why don't you take
your things on upstairs?

O.k.

That's a good girl.

10-Year-olds have changed.

Welcome to the new generation.

They go from 10
to 18 in 60 seconds.

By the way, deedee
daniels called.

Something about
getting up a foursome.

I told deedee I don't
want to play with her.

I don't have time to play golf.

Even if I did, I would not play

At the horrible beaumont
club just on principle.

Hello, deedee? Hi, it's julia.

Yeah, I thought I told you

I probably wouldn't go.

Well, if you're desperate,

I'll play with you all,

But not at the
beaumont driving club.

No, it's nothing personal.

It's just that the beaumont club

Is for white people
only, and I don't qualify.

See, my grandmother
on my mother's side

Once listened to a
johnny mathis record...

So we're not pure anymore.

Yes, I'm serious.
I'm not doing it.

Mm-hmm, that's right.

Well, bye.

Julia, why did you
have to do that?

Suzanne, it is a
segregated club.

But it's beaumont!

She's got you
there. It is beaumont.

What's beaumont?

Oh, bernice, you remember.

It's that snotty, snobby,
stuck-up country club

That suzanne would crawl
buck-naked over broken glass

To join.

That's the one.

They want julia to
join, and she won't.

Suzanne's dying to
join, but she can't.

I heard a rumor they're
accepting one new member.

One new member. Why?

I don't know, mary jo.

Ours is not to reason why,

Ours is just to
get into that club.

Who are you calling?

Deedee daniels.

If you won't play, I will.

Suzanne, you know
how to play golf?

She does not.

What is there to know?

You drive around in a little car

And someone follows,
carrying your stuff.

That's not a
sport, that's like...

Shopping.

Oh poo it's an
answering machine.

Deedee? It's suzanne sugarbaker.

Good news...

I'll be able to fill in for
julia on your golf date,

So give me call and let me know

What time we tee off.

O.k., Bye.

Well, she's going
to call me right back.

Julia, I think you're right
about these all-white golf clubs.

It's all over for them.

Dan quayle has had
to quit playing at them.

Of course, he still plays
at his all-male clubs,

And of course he's
always welcome

At the all-morons club.

They took cypress
point off the pga tour

Because they refused
to admit black members.

Did you read in the papers

What the professional
golfers had to say about it?

"It's a shame.

"Cypress point's a great club.

I tried not to get
involved in politics."

Please!

How much courage
does it take in 1991

To stand up against segregation?

The rest of this country

Got that issue settled
about 25 years ago.

Beaumont's not like that.

They don't say, "no blacks."

They don't have to, suzanne.

They have lawn
jockeys on their patio.

Well, that's not
the club's fault.

Black people just
don't play golf.

You know, I've always
wondered about that.

There are so many
fantastic black athletes

In every other sport.

Why is that you hardly
ever see black golfers?

I believe I can
answer that, mary jo.

It's because no
self-respecting black person

Would wear those clothes.

I mean, lime green
polyester pants,

A pink striped shirt,
and a big straw hat?

No way.

There's something else you
don't see much of these days...

Black swimmers.

Why is that, anthony?

Since it seems I'm
speaking for all my people,

I'll venture to
answer that question.

Black people don't
get involved in swimming

Because there's no future in it.

No one's ever swum their
way out of the ghetto.

Believe me, if it were possible

To make $5 million a year
as a professional swimmer,

It wouldn't be air jordan.

It would be river jordan.

We are supposed to
meet julia at fabric world.

I know, but I have
to get this stuff

For my golfing day at beaumont.

Do y'all know
what I need to buy?

I might. I played a
little in high school.

I may take up this game myself.

Several men at
hillcrest play it.

In fact, the champion
at leisure land

Recently went around
the course in 89 strokes...

Then he had a stroke,

So I guess that counts as a 90.

Let's remember what
we're doing here.

I'm the one who
needs to practice.

I have to learn how
to play this stupid game

So I can join the club.

That's right, suzanne.

Let's keep in focus what's
really important here.

Just come here and teach me.

All right, all
right. I'm coming.

Well, first off...

Do these things have names?

Yeah. I think it's called

A mashie or a
niblick or something.

Anyway, as I recall,

The most important thing to do

Is to keep your elbows locked

Because you want to swing
straight across your chest.

This might be a little
difficult if you have a chest.

Oh, great.

I might as well give up.

If you can't do it, I'm doomed.

Just do what I do, o.k.?

Keep your eye on the ball,

Settle into your
weight... And relax,

And always think about

Your club being an
extension of your arms

Because you want to
take a long smooth swing,

So you pull back... And...

What did I do wrong?

You told those women
you knew how to golf.

Look who just came in!

What? Who?

Cissy farenholt
and bitty cantrell.

So?

They're practically the entire

Beaumont new members committee.

What a stroke of luck!

Let's go talk to them.

I don't have anything to say.

Tell them I'm a good golfer.

I'm not lying!

Hi!

I didn't see y'all come in.

Hello, suzanne.

Hello.

Well, I'm just here
getting a new niblet.

I'm playing golf
with deedee daniels

And her group at beaumont.

I didn't know suzanne golfed.

Oh... Oh, my, yes.

She gets a club in
her hand, watch out!

Oh, yes.

We'd love to stay and talk,

But we were just on our way out.

Well, you shouldn't have
to carry those packages.

Anthony will do
that for you. Anthony!

It's no trouble.

It's just right outside.

Oh, don't be silly.

Anthony will be
glad to help you.

Anthony is one of
sugarbaker's many delivery men.

Couldn't we get some of the
other guys to help out here?

Suzanne, anthony is no
longer the delivery man.

Anthony's actually a
partner in sugarbaker's

And a recent magna
cum laude graduate

Of a local university

And one of atlanta's
leading businessmen.

Yes, but I still enjoy hauling
white peoples' packages around...

Just for old times' sake.

Well, goodbye.

See you at the club.

Bye.

Thank you!

What did you mean,

"When she gets a club
in her hand, look out"?

I said I wouldn't lie.

You were pretty eager
to lie for anthony.

What was all that "leading
young businessman" stuff?

That was all the truth.

Don't say that in front of him.

He's getting too
big for his britches.

I'm having a heck of a time

Getting him to wax my upper lip.

Anthony, get over here!

Well, how'd it go?

Well, I opened up the trunk,

And then I put the packages in.

All in all, it went pretty well.

I mean did they say anything

About admitting a new
member to the club?

Let me think.

Oh, yeah! They
did say something.

They did? Oh, I knew it!

Now tell me everything
exactly word for word.

I'll try.

I think it went
something like this...

"We don't ordinarily
elect new members

"So easily and quickly,

"But I think in this case

"We should make an exception,

Don't you, bitty?"

"Why yes, cissy.
Let's get right on it."

Give me that. I'm
going to need it.

They said their committee
is meeting monday,

But that's really
just a technicality.

They said I could come by

And sign the papers
on wednesday.

Yes! Ye...

What do you mean, you
could sign the papers?

I mean...

They just asked
me to join beaumont.

Yes! Ha ha!

How can this be happening?

They give anthony an
invitation to join beaumont,

And what do they give me?

The finger.

Well, that club's standards
have fallen pretty low.

I don't know about
that, suzanne.

They haven't let you in yet.

♪ Thanks for the memories

♪ Of candlelight and wine

♪ And castles on the
rhine ♪ the parthenon

♪ And moments on... Ooh!

♪ The hudson river
line ♪ how lovely it was

Good morning,
ladies. Sorry I'm late,

But I had to swing by
the club this morning

To sign my membership papers.

Such a bother.

Well, congratulations, anthony.

Thank you, mary
jo, but don't worry.

Now that I'm mingling
with the upper crust,

I won't forget about

All the little
people I knew before.

So sorry, suzanne, old girl.

Some of us make
the cut, others don't.

It's none of my business,

But how will you
pay the club's dues?

No problem.

They're giving me an
honorary membership,

Waiving all the usual fees.

Apparently, that's not uncommon

With their more
sought-after dignitaries.

Of course, common people
still have to pay them.

Can't have an exclusive club

Without keeping
out the riff-raff.

For your information,

Nobody's keeping
me out of anything.

I might not be a member yet,

But I have friends
on the inside,

So I did get an invitation
to the spring dance.

The spring dance?
It's this weekend.

You weren't invited?

I just signed my papers today,

So I didn't get this lovely
embossed invitation.

An understandable oversight.

I bear no ill will.

Well, if you all will excuse me,

We of the upper crust

Have to tend to
our busy schedules.

Let's see... Oh, yes.

This morning, I'll
be scraping gum

Off the storeroom floor.

♪ Thanks for the memories

♪ Do do do do do...

You'd think they
would have at least

Mentioned the dance to anthony.

Well, obviously,
they don't think

Black people swim or play golf.

Maybe they don't think
that they dance, either.

Haven't any of those people

Ever watched soul train?

I wasn't going to say anything,

But I talked to deedee
daniels this morning.

Beaumont is trying to qualify

As a stop on the pga tour.

I'm sure that's why
they suddenly developed

Such an affection for anthony.

They need a black member,

But they're not letting
him into their club.

Not really.

Boy, that stinks.

It certainly does.

Well, somebody's
got to tell him.

Ooh, I will! I will!

Oh!

Anthony, do you
have a minute to talk?

Julia, I know what
you're going to say...

I've been teasing
suzanne too much.

She deserves a little grief.

That isn't it.

I know this club means
an awful lot to suzanne,

So as soon as I
finish teasing her,

I'll help her get in.

That's very kind
of you, anthony.

You're a thoughtful person.

As a matter of fact,

You're far superior
to anyone I've met

At the beaumont club.

What did you want to tell me?

This morning I called
a friend of mine.

It seems the beaumont club

Wants to be a stop
on the pga tour.

They can't be a
stop on the pga tour

If they remain
an all-white club.

So what are you saying?

They only want you
because you're black.

Oh, no!

You knew!

Oh, julia, come on.

I did not just fall
off the turnip truck.

I know these people
wanted me for my ancestry,

But did they get
in on good looks?

I don't think so.

Doesn't it bother you?

No, julia. I know the score.

In fact, I am miles
ahead of these people.

They figure they'll give
me an honorary membership,

Get me on their rolls,

And then just conveniently
forget to invite me

To any club functions
until I just fade away.

That's what you're thinking?

Approximately.

That may be their
plan, but it's not mine.

You want to hear my plan?

I'm going to every party,

I'm going to every
dance, every barbecue,

And every time a
group picture's taken,

I'll be in the front
row going, "cheese!"

Well, I think you
ought to tell them

Take the invation fold
it in fives corners and

Put it where the sun don't shine

Anthony they are using you.

And I think your
to good for them.

The first integrationists
got death threats,

They were spit on.

You think I can't take the cold
shoulder at a country club?

I don't mind.

It's a small price to pay.

Besides, I get a little piece

Of black history for myself.

What do you think?

Now I know you're too good.

Oh...

Hmm.

So what do we do now?

Have a drink, an
hors d'oeuvre, mingle.

Oh, mingling! My favorite.

The trouble is, all these
people are such snobs,

They won't speak to
anybody they don't know.

Hello there.

Good evening.
Lovely party, isn't it?

Can you move my car?
The silver porsche.

Why, surely.

Oh, look. Your
house key's on here.

Thanks.

No, thank you.

What's that?

Ooh! White bread
and cream cheese.

Mmm-yum!

I just can't get
enough of this stuff.

Mmm!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Boy, this party
is really... Boring.

I told you it would be.

I don't know why these
people try so hard

To keep the rest
of the world out.

All they have to do
really is invite them all

To one of these parties they
would run away screaming!

Oh look there is sussan.

Yes, lets go say hello.

Julia, you came!

Yeah, mm-hmm.

I'm mr. Bouvier's guest tonight.

Suzanne.
Bitty-cissy-muffy-tuffy.

It's just so nice
seeing all of you.

It's so difficult to
break into a new set,

But I must say, everyone here

Has made me feel like
I've been here forever.

It's nice to see you, too.

That is a lovely dress. Adolfo?

Well, no...

Well, it is absolutely stunning.

Excuse me, but haven't we met?

No. No, I don't think so.

That's stewart crimmons.

You've probably seen
his face in the paper.

You know, that
insider trading thing.

Oh, yes.

Terrible scrape, that.

You know, I have a couple of
friends on the parole board.

I could put in a word for you.

Could you?

Consider it done.

Could you all move in
a little closer, please?

Pictures? Oh, no,
I don't think so.

It's for the atlanta journal.

Well, if we must.

All right...

1... 2... 3...

Thank you.

I'd like a couple
of copies, please.

I'd like one, too. Thank you.

Well, suzanne... Would
you care to dance?

Suzanne!

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Pardon me.

Would you care to dance?

Why, yes.

I'd be delighted.

Hold this.

Looks to me like
you blew it, suzanne.

Cheers.

Well, it sounds to me

Like you completely won
those beaumont people over.

Especially after I
grabbed the microphone

And gave them a
couple of old spirituals.

Anthony, you didn't.

He didn't. It was
a lovely evening.

I had the most enjoyable time

I've ever had at one
of those affairs.

I might just consider
joining beaumont myself

Now that their membership

Has taken a turn for the better.

Did you give those
porsche keys back?

Oh, no!

Anthony!

I'm just teasing, suzanne.

I left them in his car.

Oh, well, all right.

I left his car in the baby pool.

Porsche incident aside, anthony,

I'm glad you're going
to be at beaumont.

I think you'll be a good
influence on those people.

Well, I think they have
an influence on me, too.

What do you mean?

Look what I bought today.

I don't know what came over me.

What do you think?

Oh, it's you.

Ha ha!