♪ Georgia
♪ Oh, georgia
♪ The whole day through
♪ This old, sweet song
♪ Keeps georgia on my mind
♪ Oh oh
♪ Oh, georgia, now, my georgia
♪ Ah, you hear me, georgia
♪ No peace, no peace do I find
♪ This old, sweet song
♪ Keeps georgia on my mind
I thought that was pretty good.
Anthony's not back from
the little theater yet?
No. He called. He's coming.
Carlene, what are
you working on?
Your head's been in
that notebook all day.
Mary jo, leave her alone.
She's studying.
I don't want you to talk to her.
In fact, don't even look at her.
Go ahead, carlene.
Continue your studying.
Oh, I'm not studying.
I'm working on my
greeting cards.
What greeting cards?
Oh, it's just a
little idea I got
To make a little extra
spending money for college.
Carlene, will you never learn?
If you need a few dollars,
You can just come over
to my house and do odd jobs.
I know, allison, but you know,
Doing this, I might
become wealthy
And internationally famous,
And I just don't think
That washing out your
panty hose and your socks
Is going to lead to anything.
Carlene, you might
be onto something.
The greeting card
business is really booming.
In a store over the holidays,
I saw a christmas card
For you to give to your dog.
Can you believe giving
christmas cards to dogs?
I'd never do that.
A handwritten note is
so much more personal.
You probably did
write your dog a note.
You probably gave it a
christmas present, too.
Yes, I did give my dog
a christmas present...
A big bag of chewy bones.
But I think it was only
because I was feeling guilty
For having him fixed
over thanksgiving.
Well, see, there you go.
That's exactly the kind of thing
The greeting card
industry never covers.
That's why I'll succeed.
I would have a card
Dealing with just
that exact situation.
On the front, it would say,
"So you just had
your dog neutered."
Then you'd open it, and it
would say something like,
"I know you're feeling blue,
But it was the
right thing to do."
Um..."You went
and had him fixed.
Now his private
parts are nixed."
See? It would even
be better than that.
That just came off
the top of my head.
What do you think, julia?
I'm stunned.
It's good, isn't it?
It's good.
"Now his private
parts are nixed."
I don't know where
it comes from.
It's a gift.
I've got another one, too...
A bon voyage card for
people who get motion sickness.
Here it is.
"Just a little note
before you get on the boat
"To say before you leave,
Have a good time
while you heave."
Hey, y'all, I'm sorry I'm late,
But I have just been chosen
To direct our next production
Down at the little theater.
That's great.
Anthony, you a director?
Well, yes.
For your information, I
have directed plays before.
During my unfortunate
incarceration,
I led the cellblock "b"
much-acclaimed production of gigi.
We ran for three weeks.
We would have run longer
If gigi hadn't
stabbed her co-star
While he sang thank
heaven for little girls.
Still, anthony, what with
work here and law school,
How are you going
to fit all this in?
Oh, it's not that hard.
These productions
are just for fun.
A bunch of us get
together, goof around.
The only one who takes
it seriously is ivy mcbride.
Who's ivy mcbride?
Well, supposedly,
she's our producer,
But actually she's this
tough-talking, hard-drinking woman
Who used to be a
broadway actress.
We let her star in everything.
Actually she was wonderful
in streetcar named desire
As stanley kowalski.
Ivy mcbride?
Excuse me. You
know, I happen to be
Something of a
theater historian,
And I have never heard of her.
What has she done, a
couple of walk-ons?
I think I've got her pegged.
She's a dilettante who
had what she calls a career,
Then comes here to lord
it over everybody else.
Oh, I just hate
people like that.
Julia, carlene,
mary jo, now listen.
I am counting on the
three of you to audition.
Oh, anthony, thank
you for asking.
I didn't ask you.
I, uh, I don't do
community theater.
Come on, y'all did
that production
Of what ever
happened to baby jane?
Well, anthony, gee
whiz, I don't know.
Oh, I think it sounds like fun.
I'll be there.
Julia, you could sing.
We're doing a musical. Mame.
There are lots of little parts.
You could have a wonderful time
As long as you
stayed away from ivy.
Well...
♪ You coax the blues
right out of the horn
♪ Mame
♪ You charm the husks
right off of the corn
♪ Mame
So I said to her, "mary...
You're letting those von
trapp brats upstage you."
Oh!
Kids and animals...
Ugh! Lethal.
You know what I'm saying?
No.
Hey, did y'all know
That ivy was in the
original sound of music
With mary martin?
Oh, no. Is that right?
That sounds fascinating.
Care to join me?
Oh, coffee? You bet.
Coffee, hell. It's after 5:00.
Happy hour.
I should have been
the toast of broadway.
Oh.
For some reason,
I got a bad rep.
I'll never understand it.
But I'm not bitter.
Bastards.
You know, you remind
me of that song...
♪ Give my regards to broadway
♪ Remember me to herald square
I used to think herald
square was a person.
It's not. It's a place.
Carlene.
[Carlene] it's in manhattan.
Carlene, sit down for a while.
They should have put
up that cast list by now.
Is this a pip?
That little twit of a director
Makes me stand out
here with you peons.
I guess "twit" is some broadway
slang for "director," huh?
That's right, honey.
Excuse me, ivy.
Could you step in
here for a second?
The assistant director
would like to speak with you.
Excuse me. My public is calling.
I haven't put up
the cast list yet,
But, mary jo, you got a part.
I did?
It's a good one, too.
You're going to play gooch,
Mame's homely assistant.
Oh.
Oh, great...
I guess.
Carlene, you're in the chorus.
Oh, I can do that!
And, julia, it was no contest.
Congratulations. You're mame.
Aah! Aah! Oh!
Julia!
Oh, julia!
The lead?
Oh! How wonderful!
No, but, anthony, wait.
I thought you said
that ivy mcbride
Always got the leads.
We're offering her the
role of vera charles,
Mame's foul-mouthed,
hard-drinking friend.
She can bring a
lot to that part.
O.k. Now, that's good.
I think you've got the
bitchy part down pat.
Bosom buddies is a bitchy song,
But remember,
Vera and mame are friends.
So it's fun bitchy,
Not scary bitchy.
Where I come from,
bitchy is bitchy.
Let's try bosom
buddies one more time.
Then we'll take a break.
From the top?
Please.
[Playing introduction]
5, 6, 7, 8.
♪ We'll always be bosom buddies
♪ Friends, sisters, and pals
♪ We'll always be bosom buddies
♪ If life should reject you,
there's me to protect you
♪ If I say that your
tongue is vicious
♪ If I call you uncouth
♪ It's simply that
♪ Who else but a bosom buddy
♪ Will sit down and
tell you the truth?
Though now and again I'm aware
That my candid
opinion might sting...
Ow!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Damn, you've got big feet.
Can we get through
this song just one time?
Let's take it from
"each time that a critic."
That's you.
I know.
[Anthony] 5, 6, 7, 8.
Each time that a
critic has written,
"Your voice is the
voice of a frog,"
Straight to your side
to defend you, I rush.
You know that I'm there
Every time the world
makes an unkind remark...
When they say vera charles
Is the world's greatest lush.
♪ It
♪ Hurts
♪ Me
[Coughing]
That's funny... Where I
blow the smoke in her face.
We ought to leave that in.
It's not in the script.
Haven't you ever
heard of improvisation?
Besides, I am the producer.
O.k.
That's improvising.
That's it! She is crazy.
I am going to tie a can
to that broad's tail!
What did she mean by that?
I wouldn't worry about that.
Worry?
Oh, anthony, this
is way past worry.
This show is in trouble.
We've been rehearsing for days.
We haven't even gotten
through this number once.
I have restrained myself
In the face of her
gin-soaked harangues,
And I have reached my limit.
If something isn't
done around here,
I am going to hogtie that woman
And drag her out to the
betty ford clinic myself!
Well, I'm glad that
you feel that way
Because we need
somebody who realizes that
And who's forceful
enough to stand up to her.
What are you saying?
I'm saying,
Congratulations.
You're our new producer.
Is the impresario
planning to work today?
Well, it's hard to say.
She is just completely
involved with mame.
Putting her in charge
of the little theater
Is like calling in
general patton
To run the scout troop.
Come to think of it,
I think you and I better
run our lines, carlene,
During lunch.
Oh, sure, I'd love to.
I've only got six.
How many do you have?
Well, I haven't counted them.
Oh, no. You're kidding.
Well, see, that's
the first thing I did
Was count my lines.
It didn't take long either.
1, 2, 3, 4... 5, 6.
That's how long it took.
I could count yours
if you want me to.
Really, carlene, that's o.k.
I bet you have over 80.
104, Actually.
Carlene, you know, uh,
I might be able to
give you some pointers
To make the most of your part.
Tell me one of your lines.
Oh, great. O.k., Um,
it's a party scene,
And, uh, ahem, the line is...
Ahem.
How are you doing?
O.k. Uh, now...
Acting is all about emphasis.
Observe how the meaning changes.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
You see the difference?
N-no.
Anthony, the scene
is about a fox hunt.
We have to have a real fox.
Julia, I can't get a
real fox just like that.
Well, what we have
is unacceptable.
Well, what do we have?
We have one of my
grandmother's old fur pieces
With the head on it.
We'll get the stage manager
To tie a string on,
Then just pull it
around the stage.
I think that's mighty fine.
Well, I think it's
mighty stupid.
Carlene, did you get
That print of the newspaper
advertisement back?
Yes. They said they'd
leave it in the mailbox.
I'll get it now if you want.
Don't bother. I'll do it.
Mary jo, we need you
at the theater tonight
For a full costume
and make-up check.
Really? Tonight?
Well, actually, I'd planned
to give the dog a flea dip.
It's not something
that could wait.
Well, mary jo, if you
can't make it tonight,
I understand.
Thank you.
You'll just have
to perform the part
Of mame's terribly
homely assistant
Without make-up.
Well...
Looks like julia's
taken to this job
Like a duck takes to water.
I really think it
was a good idea
To give this to her.
Don't you?
Will somebody please say yes?
Will somebody please tell me
What's in her thermos?
It's just very strong coffee.
I had some this morning.
It was almost chewy.
Well, I have always maintained
That julia has borderline o.p.d.
O.k., Now just wait a minute.
Julia sugarbaker is
trying to put together
The best darn production of mame
This town has ever seen,
And I will not hear
anyone speak against her.
♪ La-da da da da da da da-da
♪ La-da da da da-da da
Well, mary jo, would
you talk to her?
You're her friend.
You're the director. You do it.
I've got a dog to dip.
♪ La-da da da da da da
If you ask me, the problem is,
You have put someone in charge
Who knows nothing
about the theater.
Julia means well,
But she has never
lived in new york.
What does that have
to do with anything?
Oh, please. When
you live in new york,
You get to know actors.
[Humming] you are
surrounded by actors.
[Humming] believe me, I've
been waited on by actors,
[Humming] I've had actors
deliver messages to me.
[Humming] I've had actors
clean my apartment.
[Humming] I've stepped
over them in the gutter.
Carlene, stop it!
Well, all right,
But not another
bad word about julia.
Carlene,
Did you proofread this ad
Before you took it
to the newspaper?
Uh, I thought...
I thought I did.
Then why does it read
"The little theater
proudly presents
Jerry herman's mamed"?
M-a-m-e-d!
Oh, julia, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea they
were going to do that.
Carlene, I cannot
believe you did this!
If anyone needs me,
I will be down at
the newspaper office
Straightening out this mess!
Heads are going to roll!
Well, ahem...
Now, if somebody
felt like they wanted
To say something
bad against julia,
I guess I might be able
to bring myself to listen.
Is ivy here yet?
No. She does her hair
and make-up at home
And arrives at the last minute.
She better. It's a full house.
Carlene, let me know
the minute ivy's here.
O.k.
Five minutes, everybody!
Julia, is this homely
enough for you?
Well, let's see.
There. That'll do.
Anthony, have you
not talked to her yet?
Mary jo, I just
haven't had time.
Oh, jeff, did you use
that denture adhesive
To glue your tooth back in?
Yes, mrs. Sugarbaker.
That's good. Now just remember,
If it comes out during
our number, swallow it.
I promise the tooth fairy
will come just the same.
Hello! Could I have
all the chorus members
Out here in five minutes?
I want to go through that
step-step-kick-turn again.
[Anthony] all right,
I'll talk to her.
Here, julia.
Oh, oh, oh.
That's a comb and a
hat that goes with it.
O.k. Also, I made you
an opening night card.
Oh, well, thank you, carlene.
Aren't you going to read it?
I'm busy now. I don't have time.
I worked real hard on it.
I'm pretty proud of it, too.
I managed to rhyme
"opening night jitters"
With "nervous titters."
Well, that is clever.
Goodness, that's quite a
crowd you have out there.
Carlene, I came back to give
you some opening-night advice.
I'll never forget what my
acting coach at wellesley said...
"I have given you the
benefit of my knowledge,
"And you chose not to use it.
Go out there and
save your own skin."
Kevin! Did you get
that light gel changed?
I'm working on it.
Talk to her, anthony.
Talk to her about what?
I've got things to do.
Julia, did you ever see
that movie the exorcist
Where this innocent young
girl is possessed by satan?
Anthony, I have five
minutes to get onstage.
Put this in a little nutshell.
In a nutshell, you have
turned into ivy mcbride.
Well, that is ridiculous.
I've worked my hindquarters
off for this place.
I'm the only one who
has done anything.
No one else has been
willing to make any sacrifices
For this production.
This isn't professional
theater. Ease up.
I'm trying to prevent
our going out there
And making big
fools of ourselves.
We've done that
before. People love it.
It's not the kind of
theater that interests me.
Frankly, to have some
young twit of a director...
Back, ivy. Back.
Oh, my goodness.
Another opening. Another show.
Julia, ivy's here... Sort of.
Ivy, get into your
costume. You're late.
Did I miss my entrance?
No.
Then I'm not late.
Just point me toward the wings,
And I'll act rings
around you, kiddo.
Whoa. Nobody light a match,
or we'll go up in flames.
Julia, you're on.
Places, everybody!
Can she make her entrance?
Don't worry about it.
You're on. Break a leg.
Showtime, anthony.
[Anthony] places! Oh!
Oh, anthony, what's
wrong with you?
Don't you know that
the show must go on?
Everybody, places!
Is this her wig?
Uh-huh.
All right. I'll get
her to her feet.
Well, at least her knees.
♪ But, darling
♪ But
♪ Darl... Where is she?
Go on.
Go back. Keep it going.
♪ But
♪ Dar...
Hold it, michel.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I regret to inform you
That apparently ivy mcbride
has been taken ill tonight,
And therefore,
Our show will...
♪ But, darling
♪ But, darling ♪ but, darling
♪ We'll always be bosom buddies
♪ Friends, sisters, and pals
♪ We'll always be bosom buddies
♪ If life should reject you
♪ I'll be there to
protect you, honey
If they say that your
tongue is vicious, darlin'...
Lord, my feet hurt.
♪ If I call you uncouth
♪ It's simply that
♪ Who else but a bosom buddy
♪ Will sit down and
tell you the truth?
Oh, my word.
Well, we didn't have any choice.
He's the only one
who knew the part.
And besides, he's...
Got great legs.
Talk about sacrifice.
These pumps are k*lling me.
Hey, this is all
just for fun, right?
♪ Remember that
♪ Who else but a bosom buddy
♪ Will sit down and level
♪ Will give you the devil
♪ Will sit down and
tell you the truth?
06x17 - Mamed
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Series centers on the lives of four women and one man working together at an interior designing firm in 1980s Atlanta, Georgia, called Sugarbaker & Associates.
Series centers on the lives of four women and one man working together at an interior designing firm in 1980s Atlanta, Georgia, called Sugarbaker & Associates.