06x23 - Shades of Vanessa

[bunniefuu]

♪ Georgia ♪

♪ Oh, georgia ♪

♪ The whole day through ♪

♪ This old, sweet song ♪

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ Oh, georgia, now, my georgia ♪

♪ Ah, you hear me, georgia ♪

♪ No peace, no peace I find ♪

♪ This old, sweet song ♪

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind ♪♪

I thought that was pretty good.

Morning.

Oh, anthony, you're
looking mighty chipper today.

Could that new suit
have anything to do

With the fact that vanessa
chamberlain's coming over?

Actually, she's not coming over.

I have to pick her up.

They revoked her
driver's license

After she ran into me.

That was her eighth
accident in three years.

Yes, but the day vanessa
chamberlain rear-ended you

Was the luckiest
day of our lives.

I don't know about that.

I've had a few red-letter days.

The point was not that
anthony was rear-ended...

Excuse me.

Can we get another phrase here?

As I was saying, the point is

That because of
some inexplicable

Little twist of fate,

We are now going
to be decorating

One of the largest
hotel chains in the south.

Allison, we do not
yet have the job,

And if we get it,
it will not be due

Just to some inexplicable
little twist of fate.

Vanessa chamberlain
ran into anthony's car,

But the fact that he has
spent the last three weeks

Establishing a solid
business relationship with her

Is the foundation for the deal.

Wait until you meet her.

You are going to love her.

Even though she was born

With a silver
spoon in her mouth,

She's as down to
earth as she can be.

You would never know

She's from the richest
black family in georgia,

And you would never know

That she is stevie
wonder's ex-girlfriend.

So, how do you know?

Well, I guess she told me,

But she wasn't
bragging or anything.

She is such a good person

That she pays alimony to
all four of her ex-husbands.

She sounds very kind...
And a little nutty, too.

Oh, no, no. Now, julia,

You just don't know her.

She is absolutely
nothing like that.

I'm so excited. I've never
met a debutante before.

Well, carlene, vanessa
is not stuck up at all,

And she's just going
to be crazy about you.

Why haven't we
met her until now?

Allison, you and
julia and mary jo

Have been ready to
make this pitch for weeks.

When you have an account

As potentially large as this one

That it has to be
carefully nurtured,

And the time for the
final presentation

Has to be perfect.

I can't believe mary
jo's at claudia's college.

She's going to be real
upset that she missed this.

Don't worry about that

Because she'll
have plenty of time

To get to know vanessa.

Once you know her,
you never forget her.

I think she sounds wonderful.

Hey, anthony, how big
do you think her house is?

It's big, carlene.

It is?

There's a bowling
alley in the basement.

No way!

I thought we were cool

'Cause we had a ping-pong
table in our carport.

I'll just bet you had stuff

Lying all over the yard.

Like those people who
have rusty old cars

And tires and washing
machines on the front porch.

What is it about hicks?

Why can't they just let go?

I don't know, allison.

Why do tornadoes hit
trailer parks in the south?

And every new york film
crew that goes to cover it

Will invariably pick some guy

With two teeth in his head,

Saying, "well,
we seen it coming.

"Sounded like a big
old freight train.

I thought we's all gonna die."

Oh, carlene,

You really think in
one of those trailers

There's ph.d.s
wearing suits and ties?

It probably took
them all afternoon

To find the guy with two teeth.

He's probably the mayor.

Carlene might be right.

The media does
like stupid people.

If there's a traffic accident

In a black neighborhood

And there are two witnesses,

And one goes, "yes, I saw
the accident in question"

And the other one
goes, "ooh, lord,

Yes, I saw it. It
was horrificating!"

Guess which one is going
to be on the 6:00 news.

Well, hi there, bernice.

You're here early.

I know I wasn't supposed
to come until tonight,

But I'm bored out of my skull

Living at leisure land.

They're so conservative.

Just buy a push-up bra,

And you'd cause a damn scandal.

Bernice, you seem so, uh, lucid

And abrasive and with-it today.

Are you feeling o.k.?

Oh, I feel great.

I think this new push-up bra

Is redirecting the
arterial flow to my brain.

When I got up this morning,

I could see that it
was all systems go.

I said, "bernice,
start your engines."

Uh, bernice, we're going
to be awfully busy today,

So you might want to
go up to julia's study

And watch tv.

We're going to be so
busy with miss chamberlain,

And bernice would be bored.

Is that that rich girl

That you sent
anthony out to date

In hope that she
would end up hiring you

To redecorate her
father's hotel chain?

Where'd you get that idea?

I just guessed.

Bernice, you are hot today!

It must be the bra.

There's no way you
could've guessed that.

Now, how did you know?

Anthony and vanessa chamberlain

Came by my apartment

While they were on a date.

Bernice, anthony is not
dating vanessa chamberlain

In order to procure work for us.

They had a business dinner,

And it was strictly business.

It was his idea. Do
you understand?

Yes, I do.

You're trying to convince me

That you're not a pimp.

Oh, bernice, see,

Anthony and vanessa
met after she ran into him

In her austin-healy
convertible. See?

And then, he found
out that her father

Owns this big chain of
bed and breakfast inns,

And they need a decorator.

He's kind of courting her,

But it's not really
romantic or anything.

It sure looked romantic

When they were pressing
their lips together

In front of my door.

Bernice.

You actually saw that?

Oh, yes, I did.

Before I opened the door.

You should get one
of those peepholes.

Or a video camera.

It's just hours of fun.

Well,

This is great, julia.

If they really were kissing,

That means we've got the job.

That's not what it means.

I don't know what it means.

I know what it means.

You guys used
anthony as date bait,

And it worked.

Anthony does not need
to stay in her good graces

On our account.

Excuse me, julia.

There is a recession on,

And we need this job.

If we get it,

It will be the biggest
one this firm's gotten.

Don't worry about anthony.

He's not suffering, believe me.

They were really going to town

Outside my door last night.

I do not believe this.

You're exaggerating.

Anthony has not said one word

About being attracted to her.

That doesn't mean a thing.

I'm sure he hasn't said a thing

About being
attracted to me, either.

Anthony was attracted to you?

Not was, carlene.

Is.

Haven't you felt the electricity

When we're both in the
room at the same time?

No.

Oh.

I feel sorry for you people

With your sad
little anemic lives.

Not only has passion never
knocked at your doors,

It doesn't even
know where you live.

Oh, they're here.

We'd appreciate it if you
wouldn't say anything belligerent.

Bite my shorts.

Are my jets fired, or what?

I think I'll move my
bra up another hook.

Hey!

Hey, everybody.

Well...

Vanessa, this is sugarbaker's,

And this is our
illustrious founder,

Julia sugarbaker.

How do you do?

Her cousin allison sugarbaker.

This is our receptionist
carlene dobber.

You'll meet mary jo later on.

Everybody...

This is vanessa chamberlain.

May I take your coat?

Just so you return it.

I had a coat stolen at a party,

And I had to press charges.

I'll leave it here in full view.

Well...

Anthony talks
about you all the time.

It's nice to meet you.

The pleasure's all ours.

Mrs. Clifton!

Well!

How are you?

I didn't know you worked here.

I'm an exotic
dancer in the back.

Isn't she a card?

Come over here and sit down.

Well, what can we
get you to drink?

Do you have a mai tai?

No, I'm sorry, I don't.

I could get you one.

There's a bar a mile from here.

Your car's in the shop.

I'll take the bus.

Come on, let's not be silly.

How about I get you
a nice soft drink?

I guess I could
wait a little while.

Isn't she incredible?

Well...

Miss chamberlain.

Please call me vanessa.

All right, then. Thank
you. I will, vanessa.

And you may call me julia.

I'm glad we got
that out the way.

You white people are so uptight.

No, really, I'm just kidding.

I used to be married
to this rich white guy.

His family would always
tell these pitiful jokes

That somebody told somebody
else on the golf course,

Then everybody
would laugh like...

Hoo hoo hoo.

Ah ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, you white
people cr*ck me up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I hope I didn't offend you.

No, not at all.

I enjoy being the
brunt of ethnic humor.

I can't believe

You actually went
out with stevie wonder.

Just for a short time.

I couldn't stand his entourage.

There are some things
that a woman can have

That a man shouldn't have...

Like an entourage, a fur coat,

A big butt, or
clear nail polish.

I couldn't agree more.

Those are the
four things in a man

That drive me
crazy. Right, julia?

You bet. I've sent many a
man packing with glossy nails.

Hey, miss debutante,

I don't know if you've
thought about this,

But it's not much
of a compliment

To be picked out of a
crowd by stevie wonder...

If you know what I mean.

I love that little old lady.

She cracks me up.

She's cute.

Are y'all getting acquainted?

Oh, yes, we sure are.

Why, thank you, anthony.

I just...

I can't believe that
you actually have

Your own bowling alley.

I guess you've got your
own shoes, too, huh?

It wouldn't make a lot of sense

To have some guy in your
basement behind a counter

Renting out shoes, would it?

This girl is funny. I like her.

They love you, too.

Well, I guess that takes
care of the social front.

Now, if it wouldn't
be too uptight of me,

I'd like to suggest that
we make our presentation.

Present all your ideas
for decorating our hotel?

That's right.

I've already made up my mind.

Anyway, I've got
ideas of my own.

I just need somebody
to implement them.

That's how I've run
all my businesses.

I know what I
want, and I get it.

She's incredible.

What other businesses
have you started?

Vanessence.

That was my perfume line.

And then shades of vanessa...

Cosmetics and hair
color for black women.

Whoa. I'd love to try it.

Oh, that girl is funny, anthony.

I got to put her
on my party list.

Well, actually, I'm
pretty funny, too.

Uh-huh.

Well, now,

If you don't want to
see our presentation,

Perhaps we should
submit it in writing.

Don't do that. I hate to read.

That's all they wanted
me to do in college.

Well, uh, let me see now.

If you don't want to
look at our pictures

And you don't
want it in writing,

Then perhaps we could
best convey our ideas

Through interpretive dance.

I could use you on
that party list, too.

Julia, we can go
together. I'll pick you up.

Uh, well, I'm afraid
I don't understand.

If you don't want to
see our presentation,

Why are you here?

Actually, we're here to make a
very important announcement.

Oh! I knew it! We got the job.

No.

Engaged.

I cannot tell y'all
what a shock it was

When you said those words

"I'm engaged."

I will never get over it

For as long as I live.

It reminded me of
one of those cartoons

Where somebody's hair
just stands right on end.

And I swear,

I wanted to grab my own
hair and just go boing!

Carlene...

We get the picture.

I think what carlene
is trying to say

Is that this is
indeed quite a shock,

And were I in a cartoon,

My hair also would
be going boing.

I guess you had no way of
knowing we were getting serious.

We didn't even know
you were dating.

Who cares, julia?

I mean, love's love,

And why try to fight it?

Actually, we weren't dating,

But we were seeing
so much of each other

That one day we realized
we loved each other.

Well, actually, I did find
anthony quite attractive.

But that was only
after I rear ended him.

Know what he did?

He was more concerned
I might be hurt

Than if his car was damaged.

I love it when a man's
first words are, "I'm sorry."

Actually, darling, I
think what I said was,

"What the hell do you
think you're doing?"

That's right. He was also
interested in what I was doing.

I think that's very generous.

Excuse me. Is it just me,

Or do I hear a sucking-up
noise in this room?

Maybe I'm overstepping
my bounds,

But I think you couldn't
have known each other

Long enough to
be getting married.

That dating a long
time is way overrated.

I met my fourth
husband at mardi gras,

And we had only known
each other 48 hours.

We didn't even take off our
masks until after the honeymoon.

And that marriage
lasted six years.

Whoa! Mardi gras. That
just sounds so romantic.

How'd you meet him?

I accidentally rear
ended his float.

Well, now, it seems
clear, ms. Chamberlain,

That you've had much experience
in the marriage department,

But as you know, our
anthony hasn't had any.

In fact, this is his first
time to be... Rear ended.

He may not have had much
experience at being married,

But he's got plenty of
experience at being adorable.

Ooh, doesn't her honesty
just blow you away?

Oh, yes.

I just love honesty,
and I do feel

That there's just so
little of it in today's world.

Well, if it's honesty
you're after,

I'll throw a little at you,

Miss everybody-watch out-
if-you-don't-want-a-buick-up-your-butt.

Bernice...

Anthony's been married before.

What are you talking about?

Don't be coy. You know very
well what I'm talking about...

When you were in prison,
and you were married

To a little lady named
mr. T. Tommy reed.

Oh, I know all about anthony's
unfortunate incarceration.

He was just in the wrong
place at the wrong time,

But now he's in the right
place at the right time.

Right.

Mm-mmm.

Ooh!

Excuse me.

Sometimes we get a
little carried away.

Oh, please, no, anthony.
Don't worry about it.

Would you care for a cigarette?

Or perhaps we should
all close our eyes

And picture horses
running through a field.

No, thank you. I've
given up cigarettes.

I just haven't given up smoking.

Ow!

Whoo!

Girlfriend!

I'm sorry. I don't do that.

Vanessa, you see,

It's just that anthony
is very dear to us,

And... And... This is so sudden.

You know, you remind me

Of my first husband's mother.

She was overly protective, too.

He was sensitive, cried
a lot. I don't go for that.

One saturday afternoon,

I caught him sniffing a
flower in the back yard

And skipping. I don't
go for a man who skips.

Well, you don't have
to worry about anthony.

I've never seen
him skip in my life.

He's not so rugged.

He once wore a
moo-moo to my house.

I only did that so
you could hem it.

You loved it, and you know it...

Moo-moo man.

Bernice, bernice,

You're embarrassing
anthony in front of his...

Fiancee. I hope that
didn't grate on you.

You're a cr*ck-up. I
want her in the wedding.

Oh!

I think everybody
should be in the wedding.

We're going to have
this great big blast

This summer with
fireworks and an open bar

And a mile-long buffet.
And then afterwards,

We're going to have
two jets standing by

To take 100 of our closest
friends to disney world.

Well, whoop-de-doo!

I've been to disney world.

I had my picture taken
with goofy. Big deal.

So, bernice, you're
not going to go?

No. I've got crops
to get in this summer.

I think the bra is wearing off.

You know, anthony, this just...

Well, this takes my breath away.

I mean, yesterday you
were talking about

A busted muffler and an
overdue book at the library,

And today you're talking about

Flying people
around in jet planes.

Yeah. I know, julia.

Ain't life grand?

Hoo hoo hoo!

Anthony, what about law school?

Oh, don't worry about that.

I got plenty of lawyers.

What I need is a man.

Wait. We didn't discuss this.

I'm not quitting law school.

Ooh! Strong.

Oh, I like that.

Well, i, for one, am
very happy for you.

Just let me know if
there's anything I can do,

Especially if you would want
me run somewhere on a jet

And pick something up.

Let me know where
you're registered.

I want to get you
a piece of china.

I usually give a gravy boat.

Oh, ho ho, I just
love this girl!

We got to do more
things with her.

We better go now.

We're meeting some people
vanessa has to talk to

About making this
work-out video.

How about this...
Vanessain' to the oldies?

I like that. This girl's
deep. She really gets it.

Thank you so much.

♪ Black girl, black girl ♪

♪ Where did you come from? ♪

Don't start that!

♪ Black girl ♪♪

What's that all about?

She has a little circulatory
problem. I'll explain later.

Anthony, we need to talk.

Julia, this is my afternoon off.

Why don't you come
over and talk to me

While I'm having my massage?

What do you need?

Oh, well, I was just
going to remind you

That you were supposed to take
mr. Starnes' curtain rods over tomorrow,

And... And that you
owe $1.20 to petty cash.

I'll take care of that.

Hey, everybody, it
was great meeting you.

Oh, our pleasure.

Save it, sister. I eat broads
like you for breakfast.

Bernice!

Oh, i... Ha ha... Almost forgot.

In all the excitement,

You never told us if
sugarbakers got the job.

What job?

What job?

The job renovating
your dad's hotel chain.

Oh, sure. You can have that job.

But that's nothing. We'll be
doing a lot of jobs together.

Excuse me, vanessa.
What do you mean by "we"?

Well, anthony's a partner,
and since I'm marrying him,

I'll be a partner, too.

Oh, julia, she has got such
incredible plans for this place.

Plans?

That's right. But don't worry.

I'm not completely taking over.

How do you all
feel about the name

Vanessabakers?