07x03 - Last Barbecue

[bunniefuu]

( Coughing )

Ooh Boy!

What Are You Doing?

I'm Cooking.

I Can Do This

In Rain.

I Can Do It In Snow.

I Can Do It In Heat.

It's Really A Thing

Of Man Against Nature.

Dr. Huxtable, Maybe
You Should Cook Inside.

This Is When
Mufaro Gave Me Away.

It's Hard To Believe

In One Week We Will
Have Been Married A Year.

I Think I Taste Oregano.

You're Wasting
Your Time, Elvin.

That Is Cliff's
Secret Sauce.

He's Taking That Recipe
To The Grave.

No, He's Not.

It's Orange Juice.

Hey, Dad.

( Cliff Laughing )

What? What's Funny?

You Dropped Something.

The, Uh...

Yes.

...And The Bridal Shower.

That Was So Nice Of You Guys
To Do That When I Came Back.

We Got The Food Processor,
The Blender...

And Maybe Someday
When You Get Your Own Home

You'll Be Able To Use Them.

You Had A Bridal Shower

But Nobody Gave Martin
A Bachelor Party.

You Didn't Have A Party?

I Did, Kind Of.

After The Wedding

Guys On The Ship
Threw Me A Little Bash.

Ensign Purdy
Put On A Grass Skirt

Stuffed A Bra,
Did A Little Hula.

Martin, Man, That's Pathetic.

No Matter
What Purdy Looked Like

That's Not
A Bachelor Party.

That's A Mockery.

We Should Throw You
A Real Bachelor Party.

Right, Elvin?

Oh, Yeah.

You Know Me, Party Elvin.

I'm Already Married.

I Think You Should Have
A Bachelor Party.

Do You Really?

It's Important,
That Male Bonding.

So Let's Bond.

Yeah.

If You Want To Do It For Me,
I'm Yours.

We're Going
All Out For You.

Spare No Expense.

This Is Going To Be Live.

All Right.

Wow.

All Right, So How Much

Did The Entire Party
Run You, Denny?

What About If We Lose The Band?

And The Food?

All Right, Uh...

A Stripper?

Yeah.

It Is Traditional

And Martin
Is A Traditional Guy.

So How Much
Did The Stripper

Cost You

For Your Brother's
Bachelor Party?

Get Back To Me.

Let Me Know.

Cool.

A Stripper?

We're Getting One
For Martin's Party.

Theo, Please.

I Hardly Think

Martin's Going To Go
For Something So... Sophomoric.

I Don't Know,
Denise.

You Heard Him
Go On About Purdy.

It Sounds To Me Like A Guy
Who Felt Cheated.

Besides, He's In The Navy.

You Know How They Are.

You Are Talking About My Martin.

I Don't Think He'd Appreciate
You Stereotyping Him.

Hey, Coming Through!

Theo, Another Bag In The Car.

I've Got It.

Martin, Theo Wants To Hire
A Stripper

For Your Bachelor Party.

A Stripper?

No.

Something Wrong?

Theo's Hiring A Stripper
For Martin's Party.

Does Martin Know About This?

He Seems Fine With It.

Hey.

Don't Worry, Denise.

It's Not A Lost Cause.

This Man Was
The World's Biggest

Male Chauvinist Until
I Turned Him Around.

Isn't That Right,
Sweetheart?

What's That, Muffin?

Theo Is Hiring A Stripper
For Martin's Bachelor Party.

Oh, Really?

Well, If That's
What Martin Wants.

Wait A Second.

Do You Approve Of This?

It's Not Up To Me.

It's Like A Dinner Party.

If They're Eating Scampi,
You Just Eat Scampi.

You Have To Be A Good Sport.

Turned Him Around,
Huh?

I Can't Believe

They're Doing This.

What Are They Doing
And Who's Doing It?

Martin, Elvin
And Your Son, Theo--

They're Hiring A Stripper
For Martin's Party.

What Did They Say

When Told That Tassels
And Pasties Do Not Make It

In This Family?

Uh... We Didn't.

Why Not?

I Thought I Raised You
To Speak Your Minds.

Cliff,
Did You Know

The Boys Are Hiring A Stripper
For Martin's Bachelor Party?

Mm-Hmm.

Well, What Do You
Think About That?

I Think It's Archaic,
Demeaning And Stupid.

Did You Tell Them That?

I Beg Your Pardon?

Did You Tell Them That?

I'm Not Married To Them.

They Can Watch
Whatever They Want.

I'm Married To You.

If I See You
Watching A Stripper

That's It.

Clair:
What Is That?

My Barbecue Sauce.

What Is That?

The Decoy.

Hey, Sweetheart.

Hi, Cutie.

What Are You Up To?

Well, Darling,
I've Been Thinking.

You Know I Support The Idea

Of You And The Other Men
Having A Bachelor Party To-Do.

It's Just That
I Feel That

Some Of Your Party Plans
Are A Little Bit...

Insensitive...

To Me And The Other Women
In This Family.

Did I Do
Something Wrong?

You Want The Stripper.

Baby, You Heard
What I Said To The

You I Said, "No."Pper.

Smells Good, Dad.

Yeah.

Um, Actually,
Sweetheart, Darling...

You Didn't Just Say No.

What Did I Say?

You Said,
"Nooo. Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah."

What Was I Supposed To Say?

I Think You Should Have Said,
"Theo, Shame On You.

"I Will Not Tolerate

This Inane,
Sophomoric Vulgarity."

That Certainly Sounds
Like Me, Huh, Elvin?

Yeah.

I'm Not...

I'm Not Even In This.

You're Not Involved

But You're Willing
To Watch A Woman

Being Used As
A Man's Plaything.

I'm Just Going To The Party,
Okay?

A Party Where A Woman
Is Hired To Strip

While You Whoop,
Holler And Claw.

Hey, Who's Clawing?

I'm In The Back.

I'm Not Even Looking, Okay?

I Don't Understand

Why Men Watch Strippers
Anyway.

Let's Be Honest.

All It Is Is A Lot
Of Titillating, Teasing

And Feeding
Men's Fantasies.

Denise:
What Fun
Can That Be?

The Woman Strips, She Leaves
And You Guys Are Left, What?

Chugalugging Beer?

See. I Don't
Even Like Beer.

And Second Of All

It's Just A Form
Of Entertainment

That Some People
Happen To Like.

Like The Scampi...

What I Said....

Elvin, It's Stupid,
It's Disgusting

And It Exploits Women.

Martin:
Now Whoa.

This Is Getting One-Sided.

What About Clubs
Where Men Strip For Women?

Aren't Those Men
Being Exploited?

Oh, Please!

Give Me A Break.

What Do You Think,
Dr. Huxtable?

I Think That The Sauce
Is Excellent.

Women View Men

Much Differently
Than Men View Women.

How Different?

Men Are Oglers.

And Women Don't Ogle?

There Is A Difference

In The Quality
Of The Ogling.

Yes, Yes.

Women, Just Look,
But Men, You Guys X-Ray.

I Do Not X-Ray.

I Mean,
When I'm A Doctor, I Do

But I Don't X-Ray
Unless There's A Machine Nearby.

I'd Sure Like To X-Ray
Juanita Lomax.

What Are We Talking About?

A Perfect Example
Of The X-Raying Male.

Women Have To Make Themselves
Sexy And Alluring

Because Men Like Him

Are Obsessed
With The Perfect Female Form.

Who's Obsessed?

Come On, Theo.

I've Been Shopping
With You.

You Scope Out
The Mannequins.

I Know I Am Not Obsessed.

Martin, Please.

Look At Magazines,
Calendars.

Men Prefer Women
With Curvaceous Figures.

She's Right.

Let's Be Honest.

No Man Wants A Woman
With Floppy Hips

And Flabby Wings.

That Is The Shallowest Thing
I Have Ever Heard.

And Women Don't Want
The Same Thing From Us?

That's True.

You Expect Us To Stay In Shape.

And I, For One, Am Tired

Of Having To Make Myself
Look Beautiful For Women.

What Do They
Want From Me?

Why Can't We Just Have
Simple Bodies, Like Dad?

This Is Your Piece.

Sondra:
Elvin, I Don't Know

What You See
When You Look In The Mirror

But Your Body
Is Not Complicated.

Thank You, Sweetheart.

I'll Keep My Feelings
About Your Body To Myself.

What Feelings?

It's Not The Time Or Place.

No, No, No. What?

Your Neck.

What's Wrong
With My Neck?

It's Just A Shade Thin.

Sometimes I Wonder
How You Swallow.

I Beg Your Pardon?

My Sister Endured
Eight And A Half Hours Of Labor

To Bear Your Children,
And You Criticize Her Neck?

I Wouldn't
Have Said Anything

If She Hadn't Said
My Body Was Uncomplicated.

I'm Very Happy
With Your Body.

Then Why Do You Want
To See That Stripper?

I Don't! He Does!

Me? I Never Said
I Wanted A Stripper.

I Said No.

No. You Said,
"No. Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah."

Hey!

( Whistles )

All Right.

Settle Down, Everybody.

Barbecue. Let's Eat.

Come On.

Shut Your Faces.

Ladies First.

Don't You Patronize Me.

I'm Not Being Patronizing.

I'm Being Polite.

You're Polite,
They Say You're Patronizing.

You're Not,
They Say You're A Pig.

They Don't Know
What They Want.

I Would Stay Out Of This.

You Have Caused
Enough Trouble.

What Did I Do?

You Hired
The Stripper.

It Wasn't Me.

Martin Wanted Her.

When Will Somebody Believe Me?

I Said No.

No. You Said,
"No. Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah."

Okay, Fine, Elvin.

I Will Just Wear Turtlenecks
For The Rest Of My Life.

Maybe You Should.

No Is No, Denise.

No Is Not Just No.

No Is No. N-O.

What Should I Say?

Hi.

Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.

Hi, Everybody.

Everybody?

Hello.

Hello, Kenny.

Elvin, Would You
Like Some Corn?

After You, Martin.

Oh, Thank You.

How Polite
And Unpatronizing.

Denise, Potato Salad?

I Wouldn't Want
To Get Too Hippy.

I Would Like Some.

I Don't Mind
Getting Hippy.

May I Have Some
Chicken, As Well?

Would You Like A Breast?

Oh, No, No.

You're More Of A Leg Man,
Aren't You?

This Is Absolutely Ridiculous.

It Ends Right Here.

I'd Like Some Chicken Please.

Oh, Which Piece
Would You Like, Elvin?

Um...

Um... A Wing.

I'd Like A Wing.

I Can't Take This.

I'm Going To Watch
The News.

Hello. We Made It.

Russell:
A Man's Got
To Drive Slow

With Lemon Tarts
In The Back Seat.

Hey, Hey.

Well, Look At This Family.

Hold On.

I Got To Get
A Picture Of This.

With So Much Trouble
In The World Today

It's Nice To See A Warm,
Loving Family All Together.

Come On, Russell.

Let's Put This Dessert
In The Kitchen.

Listen, Nobody Touch
That Piece Right There.

I'm A Leg Man Myself.

Great.

It Runs In The Family.

Give It A Rest.

There We Go Again.

The Man Is Trying
To Eat In Peace.

And Why Am I Eating
This Stupid Wing?

Give Me A Breast.

The Big One.

÷
Whoa.

What's Going On?

Theo Wanted To Get
A Stripper

For Martin's
Bachelor Party.

What's Wrong With That?

Sondra:
What's Wrong
With That?

Did You Have A Stripper
At Your Bachelor Party?

No. She Was More
Of A Fan Dancer.

Her Name Was Fatima.

She Was A Very
Talented Performer.

She Had These Blue
Ostrich Feathers

She'd Hold In Front
Of Herself

And She'd Do This Dance
To The Music Of "Besame Mucho."

♪ Besame ♪

♪ Besame Mucho ♪

She'd Give You
A Little Shoulder

And Take It Back

And Give You A Little Leg
And Take It Right Back.

Man, She Was Something.

Sondra:
Grandma

Didn't That Bother You?

We Didn't Think Too Much
Of Those Things Then.

Yeah, The Good Old Days.

Grandma,
That Sounds So Sexist.

Times Were Different.

People Didn't Make
A Big Deal Out Of Everything.

If You Spend
All Your Time

Fussing Over Points
Of Contention

Between Men And Women

You Won't Have

Much Time
For Romance.

She Knows What
She's Talking About.

Let's Put These On Plates.

♪ Okay, Besame... ♪

I Guess They Must Have
Some Idea

Of What
They're Talking About.

They've Been Married
Years.

I Suppose We Could Manage
To Let A Few Things Slide.

I Hated That You Had That Woman
At Your Party.

Why Didn't You Say Something?

That's When We Kept
Those Things To Ourselves.

You've Been Holding This In
For Years?

Anna, I Am No Mind Reader.

Oh, And While We're At It

I Hate That Fan Dance Story.

Every Time I Hear It,
It Sickens Me.

"Give Me A Little Shoulder
And Take It Right Back.

Give Me A Little Leg
And Take It Right Back."

Well, I Didn't Know That.

Why Do I Always Leave?

To Make Coffee.

No?

To Make Coffee

And Kick The Wall.

Now Grab These Tarts
That You Love So Much.

Lemon Tarts.

Your Favorite.

I Love Those.

Thanks To Me.

He Didn't Do
A Thing To Help.

He Was Watching
The Ice Capades.

What? I Floured The Pans.

And You Also Floured The Floor.

I Spent Ten Minutes
Cleaning Up After You.

What Are You
All Looking At?

Haven't You Seen People
Argue Before?

Yeah, But Not You Guys.

Oh, Grow Up.

"And Then There Was A Fan
Where The Toe Used To Be..."

Mama.

"And Then
There Was A..." What?

We Haven't Finished
Eating Yet.

Oh.

Well, You See
How Upset I Am.

Dag-Blamed Fan Dance Story.

I Had No Idea
She Felt This Way.

Why Didn't
She Tell Me?

One Minute, You Think
You're Doing All Right

And The Next,
Blam, You're Blindsided.

Yeah, I Know.

I've Been There Before.

Where?

Where Have You Been?

You Have Been Nowhere

And That Is Where
You're Going To Stay

If You Don't Quit
Stirring Up Trouble.

I'm Not Talking
About That.

Yes, You Were.

You Act Like You Were
Completely Innocent.

Martin:
It Was A General Statement.

I Can't Even
Say Anything.

Wait, You Guys.

Look At Dad.

We're Ruining
His Beautiful Barbecue.

I Just Feel So Used.

Let's Just Stop The Bickering
And Let's Enjoy This Barbecue.

She's Right.

Sorry, Dad.

We're Sorry, Dad.

I Want You To Have
Your Bachelor Party

Anñ D Ñ Nt You To Have
Great Food And Friends.

You Can Even Have
Your Stripper.

Oh, Man.

When I Give A Little Leg,
I Won't Take It Back.

Oh.

Anna, I Will Never
Tell That Story Again.

But You'll Think It.

No.

I'll Be Thinking
The Same Thing

I Was Thinking Years Ago
At That Bachelor Party.

What?

I Can't Wait To Get At You.

All:
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Will We Be That Romantic
In Years?

You Know It.

I Love Your Neck.

It's Perfect, Like A Swan.

Oh, Elvin.

It Certainly Is Nice

To See Them Work Things Out
For Themselves.

They Haven't Worked Anything
Out For Themselves.

It's My Barbecue Sauce.

Your Barbecue Sauce?

My Barbecue Sauce.

Haven't You Noticed

After People Have Some
Of My Barbecue Sauce

After It Kicks In,
They Get All Huggy-Buggy?

You Ought To Stop.

I'm Dead Serious.

Haven't You Noticed
That After One Of My Barbecues

And They Have The Sauce,
People Want To Get Right Home?

Let Me Tell You
Something Else.

I've Got A Cup Of It
Up On The Night Table, And...

I Got A Cup Of It, I Said.

Left It Up There Breathing.

Why Don't You Give The Chicken
To These People.

Let's Go On Up
And Have Some Sauce.

So Here's The Rest
Of The Chicken, You Guys.

Kenny:
Dr. Huxtable

I Love This Chicken.

You Know What, Rudy?

You Look Real Nice Today.