07x22 - Nightmare on Stigwood Avenue

[bunniefuu]

How's It Look?

It Looks Great.

We Make Great Parties.

Grandma And Grandpa
Will Be So Surprised

To See Mr. And Mrs. Fields.

They're The Funniest People.

How Would You Know?

You Were Seven The Last Time
They Visited From Florida.

I Wasn't Brainless.

It Was Grandma And Grandpa's
Golden Anniversary.

Mr. Fields Let Me Dance
On His Feet.

He Pulled Quarters
Out Of My Ear.

You Fell For That Old Trick?

All I Know Is I Got Rich.

Vanessa:
Hey, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, This Looks Nice.

Thank You.

Looks Nice.

Honey, I Bought It.

Anniversary Present
For My Parents--

A th Century
Nigerian Ritual Bowl.

Oh, Cliff,
That's Lovely.

What Rituals Was It Used For?

Uh, Probably For Marriages
Or Potato Salad.

(Sneezes)

Ho, What Is This Sneeze?

Huh?

(Hoarsely:)
I Don't Feel Too Good.

Oh, No.

I Think She's Catching A Cold,
Cliff.

And I'm Making Something

That Will
Take Care Of That.

Do You Think
You'll Be Able To Sing

For My Mother And Father's
Anniversary?

Whoa!

Now, Talk To Me.

What Do You Want Me
To Say?

Can You Sing
♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪?

(Croaking:)
♪ Mi, Mi... ♪

I Don't Think
You'll Make It Tonight.

Why Don't You Go Upstairs
And Just Rest

And I'll Bring You Up
Some Juice, Okay?

That's Right, Olivia.

I'll Bring Up Your Soup.

Okay.

(Sneezes)

Oh, Poor Thing.

She Had Her Heart Set On Singing
For Russell And Anna Tonight.

(Knocking)

Hello.
Afternoon.

Afternoon, Mrs. Huxtable.

Afternoon, Dr. Huxtable.

I'm So Happy
That Hank Sent You.

No Heat In The Dining Room, Huh?

Don't Worry.

For Ten Years Now
I've Worked On That Heater.

That's Good To Hear, Because...

You Got A Big Party.

I Wouldn't Want To Put A Damper

On The Anniversary.

Oh, My,
That Smells Good.

Oh, Thank You.

Dave, I Have A Watch On,
And You Don't Start To Get Paid

Until Your Feet
Hit The Basement.

Oh, Yeah, I Got A Watch Too,
Right Here.

Mmm, Pardon Me.

Pardon Me.

Smells...

Smells Good.

That's Right.

This Soup Will Help Olivia
Get Over Her Cold.

You Don't Mind
A Medical Opinion?

Please.

Oh...

It's Supposed To Taste
Like That.

Why?

This Is My Great-Aunt Becky's
Garlic And Lemon Rowboat Soup.

Oh...

Every Spring
When The Mississippi Flooded

Everybody Would Get Colds.

Great-Aunt Becky

Put Big Cast Iron Kettles
Of This Soup In Her Rowboat.

After People Drank It

They Were Cured
Before She Floated Away.

Aunt Becky Rowed And Spooned
Till The Waters Went Down.

So Your Aunt Becky Was
A Strong And Determined Woman

Who Couldn't Cook.

All I Know Is

Everybody Who's Ever Tasted It
Got Well.

How You Feel?

How Do I Look?

Mom, Table's Polished.

Thank You, Son.

Ooh, Food.

No, No, That's Not Food.

This Is My Great-Aunt Becky's
Garlic And Lemon Rowboat Soup.

Rowboat Soup.

Sounds Good.

Uh-Huh.

I'll Take
Some Of That.

Son, Son, Son.

Woo-Whee!

That Soup's Got Kick.

Nice Little Tang There.

This Is For
Olivia's Cold.

If That Soup Doesn't Work,
I'm Making Pot Likker.

Pot Likker?

My Grandmother Used To Make It.

You Cook Greens In A Pot,
Boil It All Down

And Drink It.

Every Time We Got Sick

She Slimed Us
With That Stuff.

You Got Over That Cold.

You Want To Help Somebody
Get Over A Cold

Brew Some Camellia
On That Stove.

Camellia?

What You Call Chamomile.

Looks Like A Flower,
Smells Like An Apple

With The Kick
Of A Czechoslovakian Mule.

The First Thing
My Parents Packed

When They Came From Prague.

This House Is Full Of Doctors.

(Doorbell Ringing)

Hey, Charmaine.

Hey, Pam.

You Ready For A Good
Afternoon Of Hanging Out?

I Can't.

I'm Finishing A Big Afghan

For Cousin Cliff's Parents'
Anniversary.

Oh, That's Sweet.

Lance And I Used To Celebrate
Our Anniversary Month By Month--

Give Each Other Gifts--

Until I Realized

One Was Giving
And The Other Was Taking.

I Think Of Anniversaries
As A Yearly Thing.

I'm Saving Up For Our Biggie.

Lance Is Correct.

The Word Anniversary

Comes From The Latin
Annus, Meaning Year

And Vertos, Meaning Turn.

So A Monthly Anniversary

Is Linguistically
Contradictory.

Listen To The Man
With The Facts.

We Men Have Too Much
On Our Minds

To Keep Monthly Tabs
On The Love Calendar.

Ain't That Right, Aaron?

When Was
The First Time

You And Pam Went Out Together?

October .

Both:
Four Months, Three Weeks,
And Two Days Ago.

If You Care, You'd Remember.

I Care.

My Philosophy Is
That You Diminish Anniversaries

If You Have One For Every Event.

"Our First Pizza."

"Our First Pizza
With Pepperoni."

A Person Would Need
An Anniversary Computer

To Keep Up
With All Those Dates.

Aaron Remembers.

What Was The Date
Of Our First Kiss?

November , : P.M.

It Lasted Seconds.

He's Something,
Isn't He, Charmaine?

Yes, He's Something.

A Kiss Is Easy.

When Was The First Time
You All Held Hands?

That's Easy.

Aaron?

Let's See, There Have
Been So Many Times.

He's Talking About
The Firsttime.

Do You Remember, Pam?

I Do.

Come To Think Of It,
So Do I.

It Was The Evening
Of October .

I Remember That
Because It Was Misty

And It Gave Your Skin
This Beautiful Glow.

Oh, Man.

As We Walked
From The Library

I Took Your Hand
In Mine.

That Was The Third Time.

But I'll Take It.

Lance, Why Don't You Try A s*ab
At Our First Kiss.

I Know It Was A Lot
Longer Than Seconds.

We Have To Remember That
What's Important To One Person

Many Not Be As Important
To Another.

I Remember
The First Time

We Went To The Library
Together, Do You?

You Can't Compare Studying
With Holding Hands.

Yes, I Can.

We Were Studying Biology

And You Were
Nibbling An Apple.

I Thought How Beautiful

Your Digestive Tract
Must Be.

Oh, Man.

(Whispering:) Hello.

♪ Aaaaah! ♪

♪ Hello, Hello, Hello ♪

♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪

♪ Le-Dee, Le-Dee, Le-Dee ♪

♪ Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi,
Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi ♪

(Croaking:)
♪ Mi, Mi... ♪

It Doesn't Work.

Okay.

Well, Maybe You'll Sing

For My Mother And Father
Another Time.

But I Said I'd Sing Them
A Special Song

For Their Anniversary.

Yeah, But, Honey,
You Just Can't.

My Dad Said It's Wrong
To Break A Promise.

I Know, But In This Case
You Can't Do Anything

So Maybe You Can
Give Them Something Else.

Like What?

I'm Not Big.

I Can't Sew Like Pam.

You And Mrs. Huxtable
Won't Let Me Cook Anything.

I Can't Buy Them Anything.

I'm Broke.

What Happened To All Your Money?

I Don't Know.

I Bought Some Bubble Gum.

Ha Ha! Here's
Another Quarter.

Thank You.

Wait A Minute.

Another One.

Thank You.

Mr. And Mrs. Fields

I Cannot Wait To See
Grandma And Grandpa's Faces

When They See You.

I Can't Wait To See
The Look On Russell's Face

Because He Owes Me Five Dollars.

I'm Asking For It In Quarters.

Why Does He Owe You
Five Dollars?

Because Years Ago Today

I Bet Russell That
His Marriage Would Not Last.

You Never Said That.

Yes, I Did.

Their Car Just Pulled Up!

When They Come In,
We Take A Picture.

Stand Over Here

And Then You Can Jump Out
And Say, "Surprise."

Both:
Surprise!

All These Years We've Been
Coming Here On Our Anniversary

Walking Through This Door
The Same Way.

This Year We Decided
To Spice It Up A Little.

That's Right.

These Are My Parents.

That's The Same Way They Looked
When They Got Married.

What A Surprise!

Let's Go Sit Down.

Hi, Grandma.

Here's My Baby.

Hi, Grandpa.

Grandma, Grandpa,
The Surprises Are Not Over Yet.

Rudy And I Have Something
For You In The Kitchen.

Something Very Special
That They're Preparing

And We Have These Gifts
For You Later On.

This Is From Sondra And Elvin.

They're At A Medical
Convention.

Martin Is Shipping Out.

Denise Is With Him.

Didn't They Leave
A Little Representative Behind?

She's Got A Little Cold.

Did You Put Asafetida
Around Her Neck?

What's Asafetida?

It's A Healing Herb.

It's A Stinking Herb.

Put This Around Your Neck

And It Smells Like
Rotten Potatoes.

But It Worked.

Asafetida Around Your Neck

And Your Feet In Hot Water
With Mustard Plaster--

Knock The Cold
Right Out Of You.

Dad, They Made You Put Your Feet
In Mustard Plaster?

You Have No Idea How Fortunate
You Are Your Father's A Doctor.

This Woman-- My Mother--
And Her Mother...

I Have Chicken Pox.

They Came Up To The Room.

Had A Bowl Of Oatmeal.

Made Me Take All My Clothes Off.

Put Wax Paper Over The Sheet.

Took This Oatmeal And Smeared It
All Over My Body.

Oatmeal Paste.

And You Stopped Itching
And Squirming, Didn't You?

Yes, Because I Was Afraid
Of What Else

You All Were Going To Do.

I Thought You All
Were Going To Come Up

And Put Brown Sugar And Nuts
And Raisins All Over Me

And Open The Window

And Let All Of The Birds
Come In.

Can't Olivia Visit With Us
For A Little While?

She's Embarrassed.

She Promised She Would Sing
That Song For You.

Now She Can't.

Is She Congested?

Kerosene And Sugar
Will Break That Up.

For Chest Congestion

Everybody Knows
It's Turpentine And Sugar.

Turpentine And Kerosene
For Chest Congestion.

All You Got To Do
Is Light A Cigarette.

Your Chest Will Open Right Up.

Cliff, Stop That Now.

Don't Make Fun Of Home Remedies.

I'm Telling You
That These People

Are Talking About A Teaspoon
Of Kerosene Or Turpentine

And These Things,
Taken Internally, Are Toxic.

You Can't Digest
That Stuff.

You Will Open Up...
The Heavenly Gates.

Olivia Hasn't Got
A Fever, Has She?

No, Not Anymore.

I'm Not
Recommending This.

Good.

When I Was A Boy

To Reduce Fever

People Gave Children
Rolled-Up Spider Webs.

How Do You Swallow Spider Webs?

A Little Orange Juice--
Goes Right Down.

I Had A Temperature Once.

Took Two Of Those
Rolled-Up Spider Webs.

Couple Of Hours Later, . .

Dad, Come On, Spider Webs?

Antipyretic.

I Guess, In That Case

When A Patient Calls
With A High Fever, Just Say

"Go Down To Your Basement,
Take A Flashlight

"Look In The Darkest Corner,
Find A Big Spider Web

"Put It In Your Mouth

"Take Some Orange Juice
Along With A Little Kerosene

And Then Call Me In The Morning
After You Dip In Some Oatmeal."

My Roommate Had Asthma.

We Took Him To This Cureologist
In The Village.

Cureologist?

Yeah.

Is That My Sport Coat?

Yeah, Mine Was In The Cleaners.

Thanks, Dad.

We Went To This Cureologist.

He Had This Wooden Sign
On His Door

With , Things Listed.

My Friend Walked In.

He Was Coughing And Wheezing.

The Man Mixed Up A Concoction
Right There.

He Took Goat's Milk

And He Boiled It Up.

Took A Little Pinch Of Salt,
A Pinch Of Cocoa

And Then This Man Got
A Little Green Lizard

And Dropped It Right In.

A Live Lizard?!

He Drank It With That
Live Lizard In It?

He Took One Look At
That Lizard Swimming Around

And Ran Away.

Stopped His Wheezing For Life.

Fluids.

Garlic.

Lemon.

What? Whoa.

What Is This, Hon?

I Got To Sing.

I Got To Sing.

What Is This For?

Fluids, Garlic
And Lemon Rowboat.

You're Not Planning On
Drinking This, Are You?

Yes.

No, No, You Can't.

You Can't Drink It.

I Have To.

You Don't Have To.

Stop It.

Stop It!

Listen To Me.

Listen To Me Carefully.

Come Here.

Don't Sneeze In
My Face, Okay?

You Can't!

Calm Yourself.

We'll Go Upstairs, And I Will
Figure Something Out

So You Can Give My Parents
The Best Present

They've Ever Had.

Okay?

All Right.

Oh, Russell, We Got
Such Lovely Gifts.

Oh, Thanks, Clair.

Here's Another One.

I Wanted To Make You An Afghan

But I Didn't Know
How Hard Crocheting Was

So Instead You Got

His And Hers Hot Pads.

Thank You.

You Can Never Have
Too Many Hot Pads.

You Guys Got
A Good Haul There.

And The Fun Is Just Beginning.

Ladies And Gentlemen

The Cafe De Huxtable
Is Very Proud To Present

For Your Listening Entertainment

Enjoyment And Pleasure

The One And Only
B.B. Hooker!

Plus And To Add On To Which

Mr. Hooker
Along With Dame Rudith

Will Be Accompanying For

Your Listening Pleasure,
Entertainment And Enjoyment

The One And Only

Olivia!

♪ Oh, Yeah! ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ Everything, Everything,
Everything Gonna Be All Right ♪

(Heavy Blues b*at)

♪ When I Was A Little Girl ♪

♪ Only Years Old ♪

♪ I Couldn't Do Nothin' ♪

♪ To Save My Doggone Soul ♪

♪ My Mama Told Me ♪

♪ The Day I Was Grown ♪

♪ She Said,
"Sing The Blues, Child ♪

♪ Sing It From Now On" ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ I Know My Stuff ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ I Ain't Never Had Enough ♪

♪ I'm Gonna Hold Back
The Lightnin' ♪

♪ With The Palm Of My Hand ♪

♪ Shake Hands With The Devil ♪

♪ Make Him Crawl In The Sand ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah ♪

♪ I'm A Woman ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah! ♪