07x23 - There's Still No Joy in Mudville

[bunniefuu]

Now You Try It.

I Don't Know
How Well I'll Bowl

But I Appreciate
You Having Me On The Team.

You Don't Need
To Apologize, Man.

The Guys Need You,
The Way Cliff Bowls.

I Don't Know What's Keeping
That Son Of Mine.

Your Game Isn't Going

To Get Any Better
Upstairs, Huxtable.

Come On, Loser.

Don't Be So Hard On My Son.

He Knows His Way
Around The Bowling Alley.

Yes, But After He Parks The Car,
He's Still Got To Bowl.

I Know The Other Team's Average.

All He Has To Give Us
Is Points.

Surely The Man
Can Do That.

(Doorbell Rings)

There's The Rest Of The Team.

Hey, Gents, Come On In.

We Got
The Motor Running.

Cliff Will Be
Right Down.

Is He Late Again?

This Is Elvin Tibideaux.

Hi. I'm The New Bowler
On The Team.

You're The Doctor
Married To Sondra.

That's Right.

With The Twins,
Winnie And Nelson.

You Know My Kids?

We Should.

Russell Shows Us
New Pictures Every Month.

Can They Walk
Without Falling Down?

Sure.

Then They Can Take

Your Father-In-Law's
Place On The Team.

Elvin, This Is Joe Sims.

He's In The Bank Business.

They Used To Call Him
"Rubberarm."

And This Here's Frank Potter.

"Payday" Potter.

If You're Looking For A Car,
This Is Your Man.

"Rubberarm" And "Payday."

Those Are Great Names.

We Got Those
In The n*gro League.

Great Pitcher, Great Hitter.

Do You Mean
To Tell Me

That You Played

With Jackie Robinson,
Minnie Minoso, Roy Campanella?

They Are The Guys
That They Talk About.

There Are Plenty
They Don't Talk About

Like A Guy Named
Classy Judy Johnson.

But Hank Aaron
And Willie Mays

Got Their Start
In That League Too.

He Helped Make Them Famous.

They Hit A Lot
Of Home Runs Off Him.

I Gave Each Of Them
One Home Run

To Start Them Off
On Great Careers.

But I Can Brag

About Striking Out
Frank Robinson.

When?

Come On, Man,
You Know When.

Hey, Hey, Hey.

All Right.

What Kind Of Outfit Is That?

It's A Outfit For Bowling.

Does It Come With A Cummerbund?

Let's Go.

I'm Ready.

I Might Bowl .

Elvin, You Ride
With Me.

I'll Tell You Some More
n*gro League Stories.

The Same Deal
As Last Season, Right?

Of Course.

The Man With The Lowest
Points Buys Dinner.

Okay.

And I Will Make Sure

You Don't Buy Us
Those Cheapo Hot Dogs.

Who Told You They Were Cheap?

Tv Host:
Welcome To Another Session

Of The Most Challenging
Quiz Show

On Television Today,
If You're So Smart.

Now, Audience,
If You're So Smart

All:
How Come You're Not Rich?

Rudy? Olivia?

You Have Been Asking
To Help In The Kitchen.

Now Is Your Chance.

I'm Preparing Dinner.

Can You Wait
One Minute, Please?

We Just Love
This New Quiz Show.

Our First Category Is The s.

Oh, My Time.

Yeah. The Olden Days.

Our Subject Is Westerns

And The Question Is,
If You Are So Smart

Which Cowboy Star Wore
Two Six-sh**t Backwards

And Claimed To Be
A Peaceable Man?

Oh, That's
Cliff's Favorite.

Oh, Yes.

Okay.

That's Tex Ritter.

No, Lash... No.

Uh, Buck! Buck Jones.

Wild Bill Elliot.

(Bell Rings)

Time's Up.

If You Were So Smart

You Would Have Said
Wild Bill Elliot.

Yes!

How Does She Know That?

She's Just Smart.

Next Category: Music.

And The Question Is,
If You're So Smart

What Hit Song Was Attributed
To A Man With A Foot Problem?

Oh... It's On The Tip
Of My Tongue.

"Flat Foot Floogie."

Baby, Don't Do That.

You Confuse Me.

It's, Uh...

"I Can't Love You
'Cause Your Feets Too Big."

"Flat Foot Floogie."

All Right, Olivia.

We'll See.

(Bell Rings)

Time's Up Again.

If You're So Smart

You Would Have Answered
"Flat Foot Floogie."

Spooky, Mom, Isn't It?

Yes, It Is.

What Are
You Two Up To?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Nothing, Nothing.

In A Pig's Eye

Nothing!

A Video Cassette?

Gotcha!
Gotcha!

Oh, You Little
Twirly-Birds!

All We Asked Cliff To Do
Was Bowl A Measly .

That's All We
Asked Of Him.

Russell,
I'm Not Criticizing

But The First Time
I Took My Daughter Bowling

She Scored , And She Was
Eight Years Of Age

With One Arm In A Sling.

, !

That's All We Asked, .

Now We've All
Been Through That.

Russell, I Got
Very Great Sympathy For You

Being The Father Of That Man.

All We Needed Was A Trifling

From This Man.

Huxtable, You
Threw Your Ball

In The Gutter
So Many Times

The People Started
Calling It "Wino."

All...

Wino!

Let Me See This Ball.

Such A Pretty Thing.

Looks Like It's Got
Toothpaste In It.

And You Had To Throw It
In The Gutter.

The Man Who Drilled The Hole...

Look At How My Thumb
Goes In And Out.

Who Does That
Remind You Of?

"Alibi" Al Benson.

Take A Strike
And Say

A Piece Of Dust
Got In His Eye.

It's Not
The Ball's Fault.

I Mean, What You Need
Is A New Pair Of Eyes...

A New Arm...

A New Brain.

Son, Look, Let Me Put
This Ball To Rest.

Gentlemen,
Gentlemen.

Remember, We're All
Part Of A Team.

Now Let's Just Forget It.

There's Always Next Week.

And If My Son Doesn't
Become A Good Bowler

He'll Be An Expert
On Buying Chinese Food.

You Mean, He's Bowling
With Us Next Week?!

Hey, More Chinese Food.

Hey, I'm Hungry.

Let's Eat.

All Right.

Everybody Meet Over At My House.

We're Going To Have
Some Good Talk About Baseball.

Huxtable...

Look At This Ball.

I Don't Even Have
A Proper Bag For It.

I Just Throw It In The Trunk.

In Summer, It Expands.

I Bowl , .

In Winter, It Contracts.

I Bowl , .

I've Never Bowled A .

Baseball Stories?

Well, Don't Let's Worry

About The Baseball Stories.

Just Think About
The Chinese Food.

Great Story.

Oh, Yes, Very Fine.

Pass The Egg Rolls, Please.

And While You're At It,
Pass The Mu Shu Pork.

I Remember Dad Took Me
To th And Parkside

To See
The Kansas City Monarchs

And I Remember
It Was A Lovely Sunday...

There He Goes Again.

We're Talking About
The Kansas City Monarchs.

There Was A Man
That Pitched For Them

Named Satchel Paige.

He Had A Hesitation Pitch.

Can You Pass Me
The Spare Ribs?

Thank You.

See, Now, This
Hesitation Pitch...

A Pitcher Will Throw, See...

Any Dumplings
Over There?

Dumplings Coming Up.

Carleton:
Sorry, Sorry.

Go Ahead.
Go Ahead.

When The Regular Pitchers Pitch

They Just Go And Throw.

Any Sweet
And Sour Pork?

Drop Some, Hey?

So What They Do

Is Their Arms
Go Back This Way.

And Satchel Took It On Back,
He Took It Back

And Brought It Up

And Stomped Two Times
On The Mound.

You Understand?

Now...

What Did I Just Say?

About What?

What Are You Doing
With Those Boxes?

You Planning On Stealing
The Food?

Can't Say Stealing
Without Mentioning Pep Miller.

He Could Steal.

Pep Miller
Stole Everything

Except First Base

In The First Inning.

The Next Inning,
The Catcher Walks Out.

He's Got Printed
Across His Chest Protector

"Thou Shalt Not Steal--
Please, Mr. Miller."

Don't You Get It, Harmon?

Thou Shalt Not Steal.

In Baseball,
You Can Steal A Base.

Hysterical.

Wake Up, Boy.

You Have Dropsy?

Wake Up!

Ah, Yes.

Fascinating, These Baseball
Treasures Of Yours.

But I Know Very Little
About Baseball

So All This Good Fun--

Ha Ha Ha---

Is Wasted On Me.

Tell Him The Story
About Roy Campanella.

If You Don't Get The Story
About Roy Campanella...

Yeah, And Like Everybody
Knows Roy Campanella.

Roy Tells
About This Game

They Played In Heavy Fog.

Every Time We Hit The Ball
To The Outfield

Nobody Could See It.

And Roy's Team
Is Circling The Bases

And The Score

Is Adding Up.

When They Took
The Field

Their Manager Called
The Outfielders Together

And Says To Them

"Now Here's A Ball
For Each Of You.

"Now If A Fly Ball
Is Hit Your Way

You Cry, 'I've Got It.'"

Don't You Know
The Next Batter

Hit A High Fly Ball
Up Into The Fog

Deep Into Outfield.

Now Everybody's Looking,
But No One Can See A Thing.

Then You Hear, "I Got It."

And The Runners Hold Up

And Then Simultaneously
Through The Fog

Three Balls Come Flying In
From All Over The Outfield.

Honey, You Are Missing
All The Fun.

You Should Hear
Some Of These Stories.

I've Heard
Those Stories Before.

That's Why I'm In Here Now.

You Are Doing What You Do Best:

Trying To Outtalk Each Other.

If I Were There,
You'd Be Trying

To Outtalk Each Other To Me.

So There's Your Fruit Salad.

I Am Off For A Quiet Walk.

Don't Forget
To Come Back

'Cause You Know
Who's Waiting For You.

Hi, Dad.

Hello, Ladies.

Rudy:
You And Your Friends

Are Out There
Talking About Baseball, Right?

Right.

What Team In Were Known
As The Whiz Kids?

You Don't Know That?

And You Do?

Yes, I Do.

Philadelphia Phillies.

Willie "Pull His Head" Jones
On Third.

Do You Happen To Know
Who Harry S. Truman Defeated

In ?

He Defeated, Uh...

You Don't Know
That Either, Rudy?

And You Do?

Yes, I Do.

Thomas E. Dewey.

Tell Them What They Won,
Frank.

Tell Them What They Won,
Frank?

Yes.

Who Is Frank?

That's Thomas E. Dewey

"Tell Them What They Won's"

Last Name.

Well, Bye, I Have To Finish
My Homework.

Come Over Here A Second.

Okay.

Harry S. Truman Defeated Who?

Thomas E. Dewey.

Tell Them What They Won, Frank.

Tell Them What They Won, Frank?

Yes.

And Frank Is The Last Name?

Yes.

Why Does He Have
Such A Long Last Name?

Flat Foot Floogie?

Flat Foot Floogie?!

Wild Bill Elliot?

What Is The Matter With You?

We'll Be Right Back
After These Messages.

Rudy!

The Man Was So Quick

That When He Cut The Corners
On The Bases

He'd Come Back To The Dugout
With Dirt In His Pockets.

That Reminds Me
Of Sir Garfield Sobers--

A Superb Cricket Player.

The Greatest All-Rounder
In The World.

The Shellshield Tournament,
, The Caribbean.

We Played In The Caribbean.

Tell Them
The Next Time.

We Promised Our Wives...

I'd Better Be Going Too.

Elvin, You
Driving Me?

Sure Thing.

I Guess I'll Go And Teach
My Twins To Bowl.

Kidding, Dad.

I'm Going To Come Back
And Help You Clean Up.

Next Time, Just Mention
The Word Caribbean

And I'll Tell You
That One.

Take Care.

I'll See You.

Wasn't That Some Great Stuff?

I Just Can't Tell You

How Great This Thing Is

Because Each Story
Gets Better Than The Other.

Sit Down, Cliff.

It's Getting Late.

We're Going To Tell You
Stories About Culture

That Transcends
National Boundaries.

But It's Late.

We Talking
About Cricket.

Fine Legs.

Square Legs.

Short Legs.

Cricket.
Cricket.

You Should Know About That.

I Understand, But, You See,
It's Late

And Maybe A Fortnight...

No, No, No.
Sit Down.

For The Past Three Hours,
Everyone In This Room

Has Heard About
The Great American Pastime.

Now Everyone
In This Room

Is Going To Hear
About A Greater Pastime--

Cricket.

Silly Point.

Silly Mid Off.

Silly Mid On.

Cricket.
Cricket.

To The Queen!

To The Queen!

Queen.

Now We Will Begin
With The Escapades

Of The Top Five Players.

Then We Will Move On
To The Greatest Matches

Played In The Last Five Years
Internationally

In Such Far-Flung Places

As England, Australia,
India, Pakistan, New Zealand

The West Indies, Zimbabwe

And Randall's Island
In The Bronx.

To The Queen!

To The Queen!

It Was A Good Idea To Keep
My Equipment In My Trunk.

And You Can See
From The Equipment

What A Game Of
Immense Skill Cricket Is.

I Don't Doubt The Skill.

I'm Just Saying I Don't See
How You Can Compare

The Clash Of The Titans
In Baseball...

Harmon:
That Is Exactly

What I Expect To Hear

From Someone Who Admires
Baseball

Which Is Like Our Game
Called Rounders.

I Don't Understand What's Funny.

It's Just That
Rounders Is A Game

Played By Little Children.

Well, Let Me Tell You Something.

First Of All, I Could Play
Nine Innings Of Baseball.

I Could Steal Bases,
Strike Out People

Play The Outfield By Myself,
Go Get The Fly Balls

Make Double Plays
With Nobody On It

And Still Play Nine Innings
Of This Cricket.

We Are Real Cricketers.

We Can Play For Days.

Of Course You Can,
Because You Stop To Have Tea.

And Then You Have
Cucumber Sandwiches.

And Every Five Seconds,
"To The Queen."

You Can Say That
Because You Know

There Is No Cricket Field Nearby

Where We Can Publicly
Disgrace You.

Harmon, We Don't Need A Field
To Play That Game.

We Can Play That Game Here.

That Is
A Hollow thr*at.

You Wouldn't Damage
Your Possessions.

No, There's Nothing
Hollow In My House.

Pardon Me.

Now If You'll Help Me.

I Don't Need Pads

For This Game...

Not If I'm Having Tea.

He'll Hurl This Ball At You
At Miles An Hour.

I Couldn't Care...

Well, No, We Can't Use This.

We'll Use A Tennis Ball.

But We'll Play Some Cricket

And Every Five Minutes Have
A Cucumber Sandwich And Tea...

"To The Queen."

Are You Ready?

Yes, I'm Ready.

Okay, There
You Come.

No Good. Here.

You're Out.

I'm Not Out.

You Can't Catch The Ball.

This Is Not Baseball.

I Have To Catch The Ball...

You Hit The Ball With The Bat.

That's What You've
Got The Bat For.

We Don't Play With A Ball
That's Going Behind.

Come On.

I'm Ready.

Hey.

Here We Go.

Silly Things.

Oh, Boy.

I'm Safe.

No, You're Not.

Well, I'm Not Out.

This Time,
I'm Coming All The Way

From Jamaica.

Yeah, You'd Better.

He's Coming
From Jamaica.

You Ready?

Come On.

Ahhhhhh!

Cliff:
Come On, Come On.

I Know, Satchel Paige.

Satchel Paige
With The Hesitation Pitch.

I Got You.

Don't Try It.

You're Bouncing In Front...

I'll Wick You.

Oh, Boy.

To The Queen.

To The Queen.