08x02 - There's No Place Like This Home

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I'll Meet You There
At : .

Bye.

People...

Dad, Thank God
You're Home.

It's An Emergency.

I Need Money.

Ha Ha Ha.

Dad, It's Urgent.

Right.

It's For Clothes.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.

Everyone's Going
To Be Wearing Baby Doll Dresses

The First Day Of School.

Hoo Hoo Hoo.

Don't Worry About Her.

She Has No Idea
How Frivolous She's Being.

I Need A Phone Card.

Do You Think
You Could Fix That For Me?

Ha Ha Ha.

Dad, There Are People
I Need To Communicate With

From School.

Here's A Quarter.

Call Your Friends
Collect.

Ha Ha Ha.

Hey, Dad.

You Don't Live Here.

I Know, But My Roommate

Had Some Friends
Staying Over.

Yo, Besides, Dad--

This Will Always
Be My Home.

You Don't Distract Me Either.

Oh, Sondra, Don't Be Silly,
You Little Chicken Head.

We Are More Than Happy
To Co-Sign Your Home Loan.

Yes!

Okay.

All Right, Bye-Bye.

Sondra And Elvin
Are On Their Way Over.

One Last Paper For You
To Co-Sign.

Wonderful.

Clair, My Loveliest Love
Of The Lovelies

If I Asked You About November,
What Would You Say?

What Would You Want Me To Say?

Whatever Is In Your Heart.

Okay. You're Wasting My Time.

That's A Cruel, Cruel,
Cold-Blooded Stroke

You Made On Me That Time.

But I Am Not Going
To Be Distracted.

Now, I Worked Very Hard,
My Darling

To Give You The Gift

Of The Giftiest Gifts.

Pull It Out.

Ta-Da!

This Is The Gift
Of The Giftiest Giver?

That Is Correct.

Raggedy Blueprints Of Our Home.

How Many Bedrooms Have We?

We Have Four, Right?

There's Ours, There's Olivia
And Rudy

And There's Pam And Vanessa.

And Then There's Denise
And Martin

And While They're Away In Asia
On Martin's Duty Tour

It Has Somehow Become
Theo's Summer Cottage.

What Does This Have To Do
With November?

I'm Glad You Asked.

See, This Summer I Have Accepted
The Fact, My Darling

That We Are Not Getting
Any Younger.

Also, That These Children

Are Determined To Stay Here
Until We Die.

Will That Be November?

Just The Opposite.

In November, You Are Going
To Live, My Love.

Please Turn To Page Two

Downstairs.

A-Ha!

That's Right.

What Is That,
What Is That?

Here, I Have Watched You,
My Darling, For Years

Walk Around That House

Searching For A Spot

Of Privacy
Somewhere In The House

But Those People
Put On A Strong Campaign.

No Matter Where You Went
There Was Someone...

(Childlike Muttering)

And You Found Nothing.

And I Say To You,
My Dear, Right Here

Is "The Clair Hanks Huxtable

Memorial Do-What-You-Want-
Anytime-You-Want-
To-Do-With-It Room."

And You Don't Have
To Be Dead To Enjoy It.

We're Going To Have
Our Own Room?

Not We.

You Do With It What You Want.

You Want To Make A Library,
You Want To Make An Office

You Want To Make A Den Of Love.

Maybe We Could Do All Three.

Right On, Right On.

This Is Too Much.

My Own Room,
A Quiet Room.

Yes.

Mom, I've...

How Many Times
Have I Asked You To Knock

Before You Enter This Bedroom?

Why? It's Daytime.

Mom, I Really Need
Some Money...

We Could Put An Electrical Beam
Across That Room

And Anyone Coming In
With A Bad Attitude Or No Money

Wouldn't Be Able
To Come In.

Let's Go Look At It.

No, You Can't Look At It.

Not Until November.

Oh, No, Cliff.

November.

Uh-Uh. It's There.

It's There?

If You Believe, It's There.

I Believe It's There.

Dad Doesn't Understand.

I Need Money
For Clothes.

I Gave You Money In July
And You Bought Them Then.

But Mom...

Rudy!

Ohio!

Pennsylvania.

No, "Ohio" Means "Hello"
In Japanese.

That's What Denise
And My Dad Said

On The Tape They Sent.

So, Do You Like My New Kimono?

It's Very Lovely, Olivia.

It Needs To Be Ironed.

Can You Iron It, Please?

Uh, Later.

But It Needs

To Be Ironed Now!

I Told You, Later.

Cliff, Do You Believe?

I Do Believe.

Please Iron It.

You're Not Going
To Distract Me Either.

Please, Please, Please...

Pull My Pants Off,
I Don't Care.

I Like This.

Mom, Dad...

Hey, Hey, Hey... Get Off.

Get Off
Of Your Mother's Room.

From Here On Down, Right On

And It Stops Right Here.

I Could Put A Chair
And Ottoman There.

Yes.

You Got It.

Yo-Ho.

Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo.

And A Nice Area Rug.

Yes, Please.

This Is Weird.

What Are You Doing?

Your Father Is Building Me
A Room.

Another Room?

All Right!

It'll Be Great To Have A Place
To Study

Or For Guests.

Or I Can Have A Crash Pad
When Denise Gets Back.

Hey, Hey, Has Somebody
Snatched Your Brains?

This Is Your Mother's Room.

Your Mother's Room.

Your Mother's!

We Can Soundproof The Room,
Dear.

Double-Insulated
Soundproofing.

Big, Thick Steel Door
Which Shuts

When You Close It

And Little Kids Outside
Sounding Like This:

(No Audio)

Hey, Dad.

Here Come The New Homeowners.

Not Yet, Dad--
Tomorrow.

Look At This,
Look At This--

Sugarpie, Winnie, Winnie.

And Nelson.

Oh, What's The Matter
With Nelson?

Nelson's Mad
Because He Just Got A Haircut.

Come On, Elvin,
Let's Take These Things

Into The Kitchen.

Nelson, You Going To Stay
With Grandpa?

Yes.

You Going To Be A Good Boy?

Yes.

All Right.

He Had To Get A Haircut
Sooner Or Later.

I Have New Braids.

Ooh, Yes, You Do
And They Are Beautiful.

The Lady Did Them
And She Told Me Her Name.

What Is Her Name?

I Don't Know.

I Forgot.

But I Have It Up Here.

Rhonda, Rhonda!

Olivia, Olivia!

Ohio.

Both:
New Jersey.

Do You Like My New Kimono?

Yeah!
Yeah!

Let's Go Upstairs.

(Children Shouting)

Kids, Keep It Down.

(Shouting)

That's It.

Hey, Dad.

Well, Well, Well.

You're Putting
An Extension On.

Yes, Yes.

Great.

Mom's Finally Getting
Her Own Room.

Dad, Between Our New Home
And Your New Room

You're Really
Into The Home Finance Business.

(Laughing)

Well, Dad, If You'll Just Sign

This Last Financial
Authorization.

Clair...

Didn't Clair Tell You
About This?

We're Not Signing This.

Huh?

We're Not Signing Because

I Have...

Uh-Huh.

I Have An Architect
Coming...

No, I'm Serious.

What Is Your...
I'm Not Signing....

Uh-Huh.

I Got You, I Got You.

Good One, Dad.

That Was A Good One.

You Got Me.

Your Color... You Lost...

You Got Me, Dad.

Okay, Here We Go.

That Was So Funny.

Please, Dad.

You Have No Idea

It's Only Small Moments In Life
That You Have...

A Sign It!

I Can See When
You're Getting Serious.

Heathcliff.

Heathcliff-- Two F's
Or One?

Okay, Here We Go.

There You Are.

Thank You.

Why Don't You Let Me
Show It To The Women

Because They Love
Commitment.

Just Let Me...

Congratulations.

Thanks, Dad.

Congratulations.

Good Luck.

Thank You.

That's A Lot
Of Responsibilities.

Yes, I Know.

A Lot Of Responsibilities.

Yes, Sir,
The Big R.

I Just Signed
Your Loan Papers.

Thanks, Dad, Mom.

Congratulations.

I Think Elvin's Beginning
To Feel The Pressure.

He's Been That Way
For About Three Weeks

But He'll Breathe Easier
Once We Close.

Aunt Sondra,
Aunt Sondra!

What Is It?

Something's Wrong
With Uncle Elvin.

He Doesn't Look Good.

He's Breathing Funny.

There He Is!

Just The Way
We Found Him.

Daddy Doesn't Look Good.

Daddy's Okay.

It's Just
A Little Buyer's Remorse.

Daddy's Buying A Horse!

Yay!

Wait A Minute.

Downstairs,
Downstairs, Downstairs.

Shh.

Olivia:
I Want A Pony.

I Want A Pony.

Why Don't You Leave
The Two Of Us, Okay?

He'll Be All Right.

What's The Problem, Son?

Responsibility?

No, Dad.

Commitment?

It's Neither
Of Those Things, Dad.

It's The Money!

All That Money!

Every Month.

You Make Payment After Payment
For Years And They...

You Miss One Time, Just Once

And They Take It All Away!

Are You Planning On Missing
A Payment?

No, Of Course Not.

Then You
Would Have To Pay For It.

I Don't Think
I Could Live With That.

Well, I've Got News For You.

I Don't Think We're Going
To Live With It Either.

All Mrs. Huxtable And I Did
Was... We Co-Signed.

We Didn't Say...

We Don't Plan
To Make Any Payment.

You Miss A Payment And...

(Gasping)

Wait A Minute.

Wait A Minute.

Look, You're A Doctor, Man.

I Mean, You Will Never
Be Out Of Work.

What If People
Stop Getting Sick?

I Have No Other Skills.

Will You Shut Up!

You're Putting More Pressure
On Yourself Than You Have To.

You're A Doctor.

Your Wife Is A Lawyer.

You Got In-Laws That
Are Protecting You

And Backing You Up.

Who Else Would You Want
To Trade Places With?

No, No, No, No, No.

Now, Get Yourself
Together Now.

Okay, Dad.

You're A Homeowner Now.

Yes, Homeowner.

Homeowners Unite!

Together.

Well, Hello, You Two.

Well, Dr. Dirt
And Home Equity.

How's Everything Going?

Pretty Overwhelming.

We Took Care
Of The Paperwork

Met With
The Real Estate Lawyer

And Went Down
To The Bank To Close.

All Right.

We're Looking Forward
To Moving In.

Even The Van Company
Is Ready To Move Us

As The Lease Says.

Clean, No Penalty.

Boom.

We'll Be Moving
This Monday.

Into A Motel.

A Motel?

Life's A Funny Thing,
You Know?

Actually, It's Kind Of Sad.

The Other Couple Whose House
We Were Going To Buy...

We Are Buying.

This Morning
At The Closing

She Handed Her Husband
Divorce Papers.

It's Kind Of Funny,
Isn't It?

We Were Sitting
Across From Them

At The Bank...

And She Muttered Something

About Dirty Socks
And Infidelity.

All Of A Sudden

She's Lunged
These Papers At Him

Screaming, "We're
Perpetrating A Lie!"

But The Realtor Said
It's A Common Thing.

Although, It's The First Time
It's Happened To Us.

So, We'll Need
Someplace To Stay

Until They Settle
The Divorce Proceedings

Which Could Be...
Any Day Now.

Or At The Most
A Month... Or Two.

I'll Take The Case.

Pro Bono. No Fees.

Mom, It's Not
That Easy.

Okay, Sondra, Elvin

There Is No More Room
In This House.

Dad, Ordinarily
I Would Agree With Mom

But We Worked It Out
On Paper.

We Move Into Denise
And Martin's Room

While They're In Asia.

The Twins
Can Stay With Us.

Or Rudy Moves In
With Pam.

While Vanessa's
Away At School.

And The Twins
Can Move In With Olivia.

It's A Minimum Of Disruption
And Everyone Is Pleased.

We Would Have Stayed
With Friends

If They Would Have Had
Room For Us.

Or You Know

We Can Stay
At That Cheap Motel...

In The City...

With Your Grandchildren.

Muffin, I Think
It's Time To Go.

Uh, Mom And Dad

Might We Take
A Cup Of Coffee With Us

That Elvin And I Can Share
In The Motel Room?

Perhaps, We Could Have
A Glass Of Water

Or Liquids
For The Children?

And Might We Take
That Box Of Uneaten Crackers

For Your Grandchildren?

That's A Good Idea.

We'll Eat It In The Car
On The Way To The Motel.

Right, On The Way
To The Motel.

Yes, Maybe We'll Save It
For The Motel

And Eat It
With The Children.

What Are You Doing?!

It's No Sense, Dear.

These People Are Serious.

These People
Are Not Playing Fair At All

And We Might As Well
Just Not Build That Room.

Just Let Them Have The House.

They Want It.

Let Them Have It.

Now You Listen To Me.

No, You Listen To Me.

These People Are Serious
And They Play Hardball.

Anybody Who Stoops Low Enough
To Use Their Children--

Our Grandchildren--

(Imitating Sondra:)
"Sleeping In The Motel..."

And They Left Out The Rats
And The Snakes

And All Of Those Things.

I'm Telling You, Dear,
Let Them Have It.

They Will Never
Ever Get

The Clair Hanks
Huxtable Memorial!

We Will Clear The Land.

We Will Fell The Trees.

We Will...

Bye, Grandpa.

Bye, Grandma.

Pay No Attention To Them.

No, They're Playing
Hardball.

Listen To Me.

We Are Going
To Make This Happen.

(Sniffling)

Well, The Twins
Are Asleep.

Sandra And Elvin
Are All Tucked In

And I Am Confused To Announce
That With All That

We Still Have
Our Own Bedroom.

Cliff, We Only Have A Few Days
Left On This Planet.

And The Pitiful Thing About It

Is That We're Going
To Have To Spend It With Them.

Not As Visitors
In Our Own Home.

Oh, No?

No, I'm Won't Let Them
Do That To Me.

How Are You Going
To Stop It?

I'll Give Them
Plenty To sh**t Down.

You Kidding Me?

No, I'm Not.

We Were Talking
About Expanding This House.

I Say Let's Go For It
And Extend This Kitchen.

You Mean The Way
I Always Wanted To?

Can I Have A Window Box
To Grow The Herbs In?

And A Corner Cabinet
With A Lazy Susan?

You Can Spin All Night.

Where Is The Kitchen?

Oh, The Kitchen, Dear,
I Explained To You Before--

It's Next
To The Den Of Love.

Now...

I Wore My Orange
So You Could Find Me.