08x09 - For Men Only

[bunniefuu]

Cliff:
Hey, How's Everybody?

Hello.
Fine.

Boy, Oh, Boy, Work Out.

You're Just Going To Wear
Those Little Thumbs Of Yours Out

And I Don't Have Any Money
To Buy Any New Thumbs.

(Sarcastic Laughter)

Look, Why Don't You Turn Down
That Medieval Mayhem.

That's Much Better.

Hello, Son.

Hey, Dad, How You Doing?

Hi, Grandpa.
Hi, Grandpa.

Hello, There.

You Ready To Baby-Sit?

Absolutely.

Everything Will Be Easy.

Sondra And Elvin
Took The Twins.

And These Two--

Anytime You Want
To Feed Ms. Thang

You Just Unplug
Both Of Them

And Send Him Home.

Russell, Hi.

We Better Get Going, Cliff.

We'll Be Late

For The Community Center.

I Have A Legal Clinic

And I Know That You Don't Want
To Miss A Moment

Of "For Men Only."

There You Go.

"For Men Only,"
And You Didn't Invite Me?

Dad, This Is A Class
For Teenaged Men.

I'm Sorry.

Theo Came To Me And Said

"Dad, I'd Like You To Go Down
To One Of The Community Centers

And Teach This Class."

They Said
This One Will Be For Men Only

And It's Going Pretty Well.

This Is My Second One,
And If This Works Out All Right

I Might Even Take It
On The Road--

Get A Bus--

"Dr. Cliff Huxtable,
'For Men Only'."

If I Get Enough Out Of This,
I Might Take You As A Roadie.

And Exactly
What Kind Of Knowledge

Is Your Husband Passing On
To These Young People?

He Won't Tell Me.

That's Because
It's For Men Only.

Don't You Understand?

But I Will Tell You.

What I'm Doing Is

I'm Talking To These Boys
About Careers

And I'm Giving Them
All Kinds Of Ideas

About How To Get Jobs.

And You Think
You Should Be Teaching This?

None Of Your Children
Have Jobs.

And Yours Do, Clair?

I Think That
You're Absolutely Jealous

And I Hope You Do Not Talk
To Those Young Men

The Way You're Talking
To Me Now

And Ridiculing Me
In Front Of My Father.

Clair Can't Say Anything
About You

That I Don't Already Know.

Thank You, My Father.

In This Box Contains
The Key To Job Success.

What Is In This Box?

♪ Fa-Ta-Ta-Dah! ♪

Cliff, That Is Olivia's
"Luv My Dolly."

That's Okay,
He Can Borrow It.

What I'm Starting Out
With Here

Is The Way
We Come Into The World--

With No Fear.

That's What I Want To Deliver
To The Boys.

There's No Fear.

All You Have To Do
Is Get What Is Rightfully Yours.

The Way You Come In.

You Understand That?

Well, If You Don't
Understand It

Then You Have
A Defeatist Attitude.

It's A Great Message

But That Is
The Sorriest Symbol

I've Ever Seen.

It Is Not A Sorry Symbol.

This Is A Great Symbol.

This Is The Way
You Come In.

Look At The Innocence
Of It.

It Has No Fear.

You Say, "Go Get It"

It Will Do It.

They'll Understand It

Because They Will Not Have
A Defeatist Attitude.

If You Didn't Have
Such A Defeatist Attitude

I Might Let You Sit In My Class.

I Might Enjoy That
But It's For Men Only.

Yeah, Well,
I'll Get You A Mustache.

Ah, Tu-Tu-Lu.

So, Either Of You
Young People Hungry?

No.

Thirsty?

No.

Alive?

(Sarcastic Laughter)

Man, I Got Things To Do.

I Don't Need To Be Here.

It's Mandatory If You Want
To Play Basketball.

Last Week He Taught Us
About Etiquette.

Like I'm Going To Use Etiquette
On The Basketball Court.

Personally, I Learned A Lot.

What Did You Learn?

How To Make
Proper Introductions.

For What?

You Don't Know Nobody.

Okay, Gentlemen,
It's Time.

I See You
Learned Something

About Etiquette.

I'm Impressed.

I Would Like To Reintroduce
Our Guest, Dr. Huxtable

For The Second Week
Of Our Seminar, "For Men Only."

What's Up?
What's Up, Doc?

I'll Leave Them
In Your Hands, Okay?

Thank You.

Gentlemen.

Gentle Men.

All Right, Any Questions?

I Have To Take Issue With You
On An Etiquette Matter.

All Right.

According To Your Teachings,
When Going Down The Stairs

The Man Should Precede
The Woman.

Absolutely.

What We're Talking About
Is Etiquette.

You Go First.

If The Woman Stumbles,
You Are There To Break Her Fall.

Okay, That's Fine
In Theory, Sir

But Suppose
The Woman Weighs Pounds.

I Mean, Don't You Think

Etiquette Would Tell Her
To Go First?

There Is No Sense
In Taking Both Of Us Out.

In This Particular Case, Abe

I Think That I Have To Agree
With You

And If You Ever
Find Somebody That Large

Put Them On The Elevator.

What's In The Box?

I'm Glad You Asked.

Gentlemen, In This Box
Is The Key To Your Success.

In This Box, Gentlemen,
I Tell You Now

Is The Core, The Root,
And The Center To Your Careers.

Gentlemen...

That's A Baby.

Exactly.

It's Not My Baby!

It's Not My Baby.

And We Know
It's Not Dan's Baby.

No, No,
Wait A Minute.

This Is The Old Scam.

We Come Here For Job Advice

But Instead,
We Get A Birth Control Lecture.

All:
Aw, Man...

No, No,
That Is Not What This Is.

This Is A Symbol, Gentlemen.

We're Tired Of Hearing
About All Of This.

We Hear This
In School, In Church

And On Pbs Specials.

Man, You Don't Watch Pbs.

I Watched
That One Special Called

"Inner City Male Youth:

For The Love Of God,
Run For Your Life."

They Keep Calling Us
The Lost Generation

But I'm Not Lost.

Are You Lost?

I'm Not Lost.

I'm Right Here.

I'm Not Going Anywhere.

I'm Tired Of Being Blamed
For Everything.

They're Starting
To Blame Us

For The Greenhouse
Effect.

And If A Whale Is Missing,
We Stole It.

If You All Are Finished,
Then I Will Continue.

This Is About Careers.

Why Did You Bring
The Baby In?

It Has Nothing To Do
With The Baby.

Then Why Did You Bring The Baby?

Press "A" To Move Faster,
"B" To Go Backwards.

"C" To Jump Up

And "D" To Fire
The Flaming Ball Of Death.

That Seems Reasonable.

Ahh.

Now Where Am I?

You're The Winged Prince
In The Corner.

You Mean That
Well-Muscled Lad.

Yeah.

What Am I Supposed
To Do?

Go To The Tree
And Get The Gold Acorns.

Throw Them
At The Giant Squirrel.

I Got The Acorns.

Where's The Squirrel?

He'll Show Up.

You Have To Put Them
In Your Satchel.

I Don't Have A Satchel.

Get It From Under The Rock.

Get The Chalice!

You Need It For Power.

But He Needs
The Satchel.

He Has To Put The Chalice
In The Satchel Anyway.

He Can Put The Acorns
In The Chalice!

There's No Time!

Oh, No,
There's The Giant Squirrel!

What Do I Do?

Run For Cover
Under The Bush!

Throw The Acorns!

The Acorns?

Hit "B."

Then Hit "A."

Then "C," "B," "D."

You Threw The Fireball.

The Bush Is Burning.

Get The Hose.

Aw, Grandpa.
Aw, Grandpa.

Whew.

You Want To Start Over,
Grandpa?

We'll Start You
Over Again.

No, No. That's Okay.

I Didn't Realize
You'd Have These Games.

I Brought Another Game
We Can All Play.

Load It Up.

This One Doesn't Need A Tv.

It's A Pocket Game,
Like Game Guy.

I Love Game Guy.

No, It's Not A Game Guy.

Actually, It's A Game
That's Been Played

By Millions Of People
From Beijing To Brooklyn

And All The Huxtables.

Wow!

What Is It?

It's, Uh, Well...

Clear The Table.

It's Called Pick-Up Sticks.

Where's The Rest
Of It?

There Is No More.

That's It.

That's It?

There's No Batteries
Or Anything?

What Kind Of Game Is This?

It Don't Need
Any Batteries.

No Batteries?

How Do You Play?

You Drop The Colorful Sticks

Then You Try To Pick Them Up
With Your Fingers.

Where's The Real Game?

This Is It.

If You Move Any
Of The Other Sticks

You Lose Your Turn.

The One
With The Most Sticks Wins.

Want To Try?

I Don't Think So.

We're Better With Our Thumbs.

Well, Then You'll Love
Tiddledywinks.

Timbly Finks?

What's Wrong With Him?

Whatever It Is, Win Fast

So We Can Get Back
To The Real Game.

All Right, The Baby's Going
Into The Box.

We Are Not Worried
About The Baby Anymore.

We Are Now Talking

About Other Issues
Of Responsibility.

I'll Take Responsibility

But I'm Tired
Of Taking The Blame

For Everything Bad
That Happens.

People Think
We Are Negative Statistics.

They Think Half
Are In Prison

And The Other Half
Are Making Babies.

And Frankly,
I'm Not Doing Either One.

We Know That, Dan.

All I Know Is,
I'm Just Trying To Make It.

Make What?

The Only Thing You've Made
Is Two Babies.

What?

What, Uh..?

Who Made What?

I Made Two Babies

But I'm Not Like Those Guys

On The Pbs Special.

I Take Care Of My Kids.

When?

When I'm Not With You Guys, Man.

You're With Us
All The Time.

I See My Girl The First Saturday
Of The Month

And I See My Boy
The Last Saturday.

Wait A Minute.

You Have Two Babies
And Two Girl Friends?

And No Job.

Exactly.

That's Why I Can't
See My Babies.

Their Mothers
Won't Let Me

Until I Have A Job.

Why Don't You Get A Job?

There Are No Jobs Out There.

I Don't Understand.

I Got A Job.

I May Not Have A Date,
But I Got A Job.

Dan, You're A Copy Boy.

Oh, I'm Sorry

But I Couldn't Wait
For A $ , -A-Week Job.

My Job Pays Cold,
Hard Cash.

Danny, Put Your Money Away.

Okay?

Put It Away, Little Man.

It's Fine By Me.

I'll Be Standing
As Tall As You

Once I'm Standing
On My Wallet.

Do Me A Favor.

How Many Of You In This Room
Do Not Have Jobs?

Raise You Hand, Please.

While Your Hand Is Up

Please Look Down
At Your Feet.

I See Some
Very Expensive Sneakers.

I Run Errands.

I'll Scuffle
If I Have To.

I Got Mine For My Birthday.

You Should Have Gotten
Birthday Money

And Given It To Your Kids.

What Am I Supposed To Do
For Sneakers?

Buy Discount Skiffs.

Eddie:
He's Bugging.

Not The Shoes, Ben.

Not The Shoes.

You Would Rather Keep
Those Sneakers

Than Feed Your Kids?

Copy Shop, Shoe Money

Is Not Going To Take Care
Of Your Kids.

At Least I Would Have
Made An Effort.

Now We're Getting
To The Statistics.

Why Don't You
Tell Everyone Here

About Your Girl Friend, Ben?

Okay, My Girl Friend's Pregnant

And We're Getting Married
And I'm Getting A Job.

Where Do You Intend
To Find This Job, Ben?

The Classifieds

And If I Have To,
The Obituaries.

I Know Those People
Won't Be Working On Monday.

Let's Get Past That.

Now, Cal, Do You Want A Job?

Yeah, I Want One That Pays Well.

I Understand That,
But Life Doesn't Work That Way.

You Just Don't Stand
On The Corner

Hoping For People To Come By

And Say,
"Is There Anybody Here

"With Two Kids
And Two Girl Friends

Who Wants $ , A Week?"

Now, What Can You Do?

I Don't Know What I Can Do.

I Don't Know How To Do Anything.

I Had A Job
At The Supermarket.

It Paid Minimum Wage,
And They Treated Me

Like I Was At The Bottom
Of The Pile

And That's Where
I Was Going To Stay.

Okay, You Don't Know How
To Do Anything

And I'm Telling You
That What You've Got To Do Now

Is You've Got To Learn How
To Want To Be Something.

How?

You Pick!

Pick?

That's All I Have To Do?

That's All.

I Mean, The Second Thing You Do
After You Pick

Is Figure Out If That's Really
What You Want To Do

What You Want To Be.

Then The Next Thing You Do
Is Find Out How To Become That.

That's Easy For You To Say,
Dr. Huxtable.

You're A Doctor!

I Hate To Tell You This, Man,
But I'm Not The Issue.

I Have A Job.

Don't Throw It
This Way.

It Belongs In Your Court, Son.

I'm Trying To Help You To Think.

Now Pick.

What Would You
Like To Be?

Um... I Want To Be
A Lab Technician.

Great.

And You Just Happen To Know
A Person Who's In Medicine.

You're Giving Me A Job?

I'm Not Giving You A Job.

What Kind Of Business
Do You Think I'm Running?

No, But I'm Going To Help You
Get Started

En Route To Becoming One.

Fine. You Helped Cal,
Dr. Huxtable

But What About Me?

What About You?

What Do You Want To Be?

A Wild Animal Trainer.

I Want You To Go Out To The Zoo
First Thing In The Morning.

Go In The Cage.

You Understand Me?

And Then You Dance Around

And If They Don't Eat You Up,
Then That's What...

Anybody Here Seriously Want
To Talk

About What They Want To Become?

Yes, Sir.

I'd Like To Be A Singer.

(Students Laughing)

Wait. Now, Wait.

We're Onto Something Here
That I Think I Can Handle.

Now, If You Want To Be A Singer,
Then You Take Lessons.

Have You Taken Lessons?

Yes, Sir

I Have Taken Lessons.

You've Taken Lessons

And None Of Your Friends

Know Anything
About These Lessons?

In A Garage.

Then You Wouldn't Be Embarrassed
To Sing For Us.

Not At All.

Go Ahead.

♪ I Can Tell You How I Feel
For You ♪

♪ And All The Things
That I Could Do ♪

♪ To Show You
The Love I Have Is True ♪

♪ There Are Many Words
That I Could Say ♪

♪ Some Melodies
That I'd Like To Play ♪

♪ And This Will Show You
The Love I Have Is True. ♪

Thank You Very Much.

(All Cheering)

There We Have In This Room
The Only Person

Who Can Go Out
On The Street Corner

And Wait For Somebody
To Come By And Get Him.

That's Our Seminar
For Today, Men.

(All Objecting)

It Seems Like Things Perked Up
Once I Left The Room.

No, We're Just Really
Getting Warmed Up Now

And If We Could Have
More Time

It Would Be Wonderful.

Okay.

I'll See If I Can Move
The For-Women-Only Group

To Room Then.

All:
Thank You Very Much.

All Right.

Yeah.

Okay, Now What I Want
To Tell You...

Oh!
Oh, Man!

I Thought I Told You Kids
To Put That Thing On The Muted!

Hey, Listen...

Hee, Hee, Ooh.

Ha, Ha.

Dad, Did Clair Come In?

Hmm, Hmm, Hmm.

Well, What About Olivia?

Did You..?

Mm, Mm, Ohh.

Did You Send Marlon Home?

What, What,
What, What, What?

Whoa.

You're On The th Level.

Yeah.

Watch Out Behind You.

The Squirrel's Behind You.

Squirrel Of Death.

Watch This.

I Got Him.

I Got Him.

I Got Him.

Die, Squirrel, Die.

That's The Last Nut
You'll Ever Steal.