08x12 - Clair's Place

[bunniefuu]

Dad...

Olivia:
Is She Coming?

Wait!

Clair:
When Can I Come Down?

Um, Momentito,
Oh, Impatient Flower.

Just Stay...

The Ceremonial
Ribbon?

It's In The Place.

The Ceremonial Scissors?

Sharpened And Poised.

Ceremonial
Orchestra?

(All Humming)

Ahem.

Oh, Uh, Lovely Flower
Of This House

You May
Come Down Now

I Say Unto You.

What Is
All This About?

Good Morning,
Mrs. Huxtable.

I Am Your Escort
For The Morning

Theodorus,
Duke Of Brooklyn.

Oh, Royal Duke,
Whither Goest We?

Well, That Is
For Me-Eth To Know-Eth

And You-Eth To Find Out.

Look, Mom.
Just Go With It, Okay?

Cliff:
Here We Go.

(All Humming"Pomp And Circumstance")

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

Right This Way,
Please.

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

(Humming Louder)

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt ♪

♪ Putt ♪

♪ Putt-Ta-Ta-Putt. ♪

(Imitating
Drum Roll)

Behold.

Clair Huxtable,
Do You Remember

Sometime Last Summer
When I Looked At You And I Said

"I Am Going To Build
A Room For You."

Clair Huxtable,
You See This Before...

Please Come Back, Dear.

You See Before You

That This Is A Room

That You Will Be Able
To Move Into

And No Longer
Will You Be Able To Hear

"Will You Please
Pick Me Up At The Mall?

"Will You Please Make
My Dental Appointment?

"Will You Please Get
The Bubble Gum

Out Of My Hair?"

No, This Is It.

The Clair Hanks Huxtable
Memorial Room

And You Don't Have
To Be Dead To Enjoy It.

This Is Very Sweet,
But The Room Is Not Done Yet.

Ha-Ha! You Underestimate

Your Loyal Subjects.

Would You Do The Honor,
Your Eminence?

But Of Course.

(Imitating Trumpet Fanfare)

All:
Hip, Hip, Huzzah!

Hip, Hip, Huzzah!

But It Wasn't Finished.

(Rapping:)
♪ Hip, Hip, Huzzah ♪

♪ Putty, Putty ♪

♪ Hip, Hip, Huzzah ♪

♪ Putty, Putty ♪

♪ Hip, Hip, Huzzah ♪

♪ Putty, Putty ♪

♪ Hip, Hip, Huzzah ♪

♪ Putty, Putty ♪

♪ Hip, Hip, Huzzah ♪

♪ Putty, Putty. ♪

How Did These Walls Get Painted?

Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!

As The Craftsman
Would Say

Sleight Of Hand.

Or In French, Legerdemain.

This Rug Wasn't Due
For Another Week.

Legerdemain.Legerdemain.

And These Flowers.

Legerdemain.

A Telephone?

Legerdemain,Mom.

All I Can Say Is
This Is The Best Gift

Anyone Has Ever Given Me,
And I Thank You One And All.

You're Welcome,
Cousin Clair.

Don't Mention It.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

You People
Are Walking Around

Acting Like You Had
Something To Do With This.

You Had Nothing
To Do With This.

You Didn't Plan It, Build It

And You Certainly
Didn't Pay For It.

The Only Thing You Did
Was Make This Room Necessary.

And For That,
I Am Grateful.

You See, Cousin Cliff,
We Did Help.

Excuse Me.

Look.

Inside.

Outside.

Inside.

Outside.

Right. Now, Come Inside.

There You Go.

Everybody,
Outside.

Come On,
Everyone.

But, Dad, This Was
A Roomwarming Party.

We Came Here
To Celebrate.

Where's
The Sparkling Cider?

You People Are Going
To Drink In The Living Room.

Take One Last Look
At This Room

'Cause It's The Last Time
You'll See It.

Thank You
Very Much.

Thank You
Very Much.

Boy, Pushy.

Thank You
Very Much.

He Acts Like
He Owns The Place.

Thank You Very,
Very Much.

Acting Like
I Own The Place.

Now, Before You Get Busy
Touching Everything

Check This Out.

Here Is Your Special
Private Room Packet.

Now, Listen Carefully.

In This Is The Number

For Your Private Phone.

Now Step This Way.

When You Want To Get
Into This Room

You Are Going
To Be Able To Set This.

This Is
A Six-Letter Code.

You Set This,
And Nobody Can Get In

Except The Person
Who Knows The Code.

It's A Secret Code,
You See.

You Have Six Letters.

For Instance, If You
Want It To Be Back Off.

B-A-C-O-F-F.

Or...

Stay Away.

S-T-A-W-A-Y.

You See?
So, That's Your Code.

Or... My Room.

My Room.
Six Letters.

All Right.

Honey,
Enjoy This, And Just...

Yes, Yes.

Yes. Ooh, Yes.

Here We Go.

Ooh.
Ooh.

Ooh-Whee.

Ooh.

(Both Giggling And Laughing)

So, Now, If You Will...

Um, I'm Just Going
To Go Check...

Oh, Boy.

I'm Just Going To Go
Check On The Children

So If You Will Give Me
The Secret Code Number

For The Front Door

So I Have It For An Emergency.

Emergency?

Yeah.

Listen...

You Know...

Yes.

Oh, I See.

Well, You Know What?

I Have To Sit Here By Myself

And Think About That.

I Have
To Sit Here Alone

And Figure Out

What My Secret Code
Will Be.

Alone?

Thank You.

Alone.

You Need Some Help
In Getting Up?

No, No, No.

Now, That Was Nice.

Yeah, We Worked It Up Right.

Yeah. Let's Have
Some Cider.

No, No, No, No!

We Should Wait For Mom.

Mom, We're Waiting!

The Room Is Soundproof.

(Laughing)

Now, Let Me

Tell You Something.

Your Mother
Is Enjoying The Room.

Understand?

She'll Come Out
When She Wants To.

So, In The Meantime,
Everybody Just...

Chill.

Well, She Better Come Out Soon.

We Have To Go Grocery Shopping.

You Know We're Out Of Cereal.

(Footsteps)

There She Is!

Hey, Hey, Hey.

Come Back Here.

This Is Not A Fox Hunt.

So You Stop Hounding
Your Mother.

I Was Just Going To Go
And Ask Her

Where The Cookie Cutters Were

Because I'm Going To Make
Christmas Cookies.

Right, And You Don't Know
Where The Cookie Cutters Are?

Have You Looked?

Ha-Ha!

Mom Knows Where They Are.

Why Should I Look For Them?

(Footsteps)

She's Going Down
The Back Stairs.

I'm Telling All Of... Sit Down!

If Your Mother Wants
To Come In Here

She Will Come In Here, Okay?

That's Fair Enough, Isn't It?

Where Are You Going?

I'm Going
To Make Christmas Cookies.

Go Make Your Cookies,
And Don't Send Her, Either.

Don't Try That Old Trick
Of Sending The Young, Dumb One.

I'm Just Going To Make Out
A Grocery List.

The Same Thing
Goes For You, Cuz.

Well...

I Think...

I'll Go And Get
The Christmas Lights And...

And Fix Them.

Get Them Ready
To Decorate The House.

Any Volunteers?

I Would Really Love
To Help You, But...

No, No, No. It's Not
You Really Would, Huh?

I'm Giving You
A Chance To Volunteer.

Yeah, And, And Dad,
Let Me Just Explain.

The Only Reason I'm Not
Volunteering Is Because...

My Blood Sugar's Low, Man.

It's Low?

It's Low.

You Need Something
To Carry It Up?

There's Nothing
In The Refrigerator.

Okay. Well,
Let's Put It This Way.

We'll Work On
These Christmas Lights

And Then I Will
Rush You To The Hospital.

All Right?

Hello?

Hi, Daniel?

Hi. This Is Aunt Clair.

How Are You?

Is Your Mom Home?

Can I Speak To Her?

Thank You.

Sister Sara...

Hi, Girl.

Guess Where Your Big Sister Is
At This Very Moment?

That's Right.

No, It Is Finished. Fin...

Listen. Listen To This.

Wasn't That Gorgeous?

Isn't That Beautiful?

No, I Said I'd Live In Here
For A Little While

Before I Put The Furniture In.

There's Something Else
I Want You To Listen To.

Hold On.

(Shouting:)
French Doors.

Inside.

Outside.

Inside.

Outside.

Isn't That Great?

Wasn't That Lovely?

No, I've Not Lost My Mind.

But Listen, I Do Need Your Help.

Yeah. I Got These Pictures
I Need To Hang, And...

He's Doing What?

Well, Sara,
I'm Going To Let You Go, Dear

But I Just Want To Tell You
That My Room Is Your Room.

If You Ever Need Refuge,
My Room Is Your Room.

Where's Your Spontaneity, Dear?

Of Course It's A Long Haul
From Denver

For Five Minutes Of Solitude,
But It's Worth It.

I Love You Too. Bye.

Oh, It Took Me Years
To Get Here

But I'm Here.

Oh, Boy, Am I Here.

Theo Is...

Done.

That's That. Kick Back.

Okay.

I Finished Testing
All The Lights.

Yeah, I Plugged Them In

And The Bulbs
That Were b*rned Out

I Unscrewed,
And That's That.

Can I Ask You A Question?

Yeah.

You've Seen Me
Put These Lights Together

Haven't You?

Yeah.

When You Were A Little Boy
You Helped Me

And I Explained
How To Do This?

Yeah.

Did You Ever Hear Me Say

"Just Plug Them In

"And The Lights
That Are Out

You Unscrew Them,
And Then That's It"?

Why Did You Think
I Was Doing All That Other Work?

I Thought Maybe You Didn't Have
Anything Better To Do.

Okay, Man, Never Mind.

I Just Thought
Working With These Lights

Is Passing Down
Family Tradition, But...

Let Me Ask You
A Question

And, Please, Take No Offense

But Shouldn't You Be Passing
This Tradition Down To Sondra?

I Mean, One,
She Is Your Oldest Child

And Two,
She Lives Here.

I Checked With Sondra.

She's Not Ready.

And Denise Is In Asia.

And If Denise Were Here,
She Wouldn't Be Ready.

Are You Ready?

No, Dad,
I'm Not Ready.

I... I...

Okay, Fine... No.

I Don't Have Any Kids.

But I'll Tell You,
When I Have Kids...

Right.

And It's Christmas Time

I Will Come Back
And Pick Up That Tradition.

Well, You'll Do It
In Somebody Else's House

Because You Won't Be
Allowed In Here.

I'm Not Threatening You
Or Anything.

I'm Just Talking To You
Father To Son.

Please Don't Touch Me.

Father To Son, Man.

Look, I'm Just Trying To Build
A Family Tradition

And If You Don't Want It,
Then That's Fine With Me.

Thanks, Dad.

Man Only Gets One Son

And Look
At What He Got.

Dr. Huxtable, There's
A Big Problem In The Kitchen.

Come On, Girls!

These Are Not Right.

These Are Supposed To Be
Flat Christmas Cookies.

But Look At Them.

They're Inflated.

And Why Are They Like This?

I Don't Know.

Mom Would Know.

But You're Not Letting Us
Ask Her.

It Doesn't Matter
How They Look.

It's How They Taste.

You Should Have Let Them
Ask Mom.

We Didn't Have
All The Right Ingredients

So We Had To Substitute.

We Could Have Avoided
This Disaster

If We Had Access
To The Proper Channels.

Are You Telling Me
That This Is My Fault?

Yes, Sir.
Yes.

These Cookies Are Puffy And Bad

Because I Said For You All...

Dad, They Aren't
Puffy And Bad.

These Are Puffy And Disgusting.

I'm Confused

Because,
Why Are You Eating Them?

I Told You Before
My Blood Sugar Was Low.

Cliff:
The Point Is

You Can't Say

That Because You Can't Get
In Touch With Your Mother

These Cookies Are Puffy.

Who Buys The Ingredients
To Put In The Cookies?

There's Where The Fault Is.

We're Talking
About Purchaser's Power.

You Get It?

Yeah.

Got Any Money?

(Doorbell Ringing)

Dad, Get The Door.

Young Mr. Yang.

Dr. Huxtable,
I Got A Delivery.

Did Anybody Call
For Chinese Food?

Not Me.
Not Me.

We'll Take It, Though.

I'm Afraid
There's Some Mistake.

No, I Have
Instructions.

It Says, "Head Straight
For The Kitchen

"Turn Right
Into The Dining Room

Take A Left,
And Come Alone."

Yes, Sir.

This Time I Got It Right
With The Proper Ingredients.

There You Are.

Why Is The Door Open?

We're Putting The Lights Up.

And You Guys Are Just In Time
To Help.

Okay. Have A Cookie.

Have A Cookie.

No, No.

I'll Get Some Later.

It's Not That We Need Mom
To Make Cookies

But It's More Fun With Her.

I Understand That.

You Have Someone
To Share It With.

Kind Of Like
Hanging Christmas Lights.

I Don't Understand
Why She Wants To Be Alone.

Nobody I Know Wants To Be Alone.

The Funny Thing Is
Cousin Clair's Got Her Own Room.

All She Has To Do
Is Go To Her Bedroom.

The Only One
To Bug Her There Is...

Let Me Tell You All Something
About Privacy.

Privacy
Is Being Able

To Have A Complete Thought
And Follow It All The Way

Without Someone Coming In,
"But-Dad, But-Dad, But-Dad."

To This Day,
I Don't Know

How Smart
I Actually Could Be

Because People

Keep Coming In
And Jamming My Thoughts.

I Don't Know How Many Inventions

I Could Have Created

Had I Been Able To Have
A Complete Thought.

That's What I'm Trying To Give
To Your Mother.

You People
Are Always Jamming And Jamming.

That's Why I Do
These Christmas Lights.

Because As Soon As I Start Work
On Them, People Disappear.

I Just Hope That My Wife
Is In That Room

Just Being Within Herself.

("Twist And Shout"
By The Isley Brothers)

♪ Shake It Up, Baby ♪

♪Shake It Up, Baby♪

♪ Twist And Shout ♪

♪Twist And Shout♪

♪ Shake It Up, Baby, Now ♪

♪Shake It Up, Baby♪

♪ Come On And Work It On Out ♪

♪Work It On Out♪

♪ You Know You Make Me ♪

♪ Shake It, Shake It Up ♪

♪Come On, Baby♪

♪ Shake It, Shake It, Babe ♪

♪Twist And Shout♪

I'm About To Plug The Lights In.

You Should Stand

Across The Street

So You See
The Full Effect.

All Right, Across The Street.

Watch Your Step.

Look Both Ways
When You Cross The Street.

Don't Let Her Run Away
Like That.

Okay, Now Get Back Farther...
Farther.

Theo:
Whoa... All Right.

Pam:
Cousin Cliff,
You Did A Great Job.

Theo:
Yes, We Did.

Olivia:
I'm Impressed.

Rudy:
Me Too.

Where's Dad?

Theo:
Dad, Come Check This Out.

Olivia:
It Looks Great.

Theo:
Dad? Hey, Dad.

(Soft Music Playing)