08x15 - Bring Me the Lip Gloss of Deirdre Arpelle

[bunniefuu]

(Whistling)

I'm Not Late!

I'm Not Late!

I'm Late.

(Chuckles)

My First Day Too.

But Fortunately Pam Tucker,
Saturday Office Assistant

Prepares In Advance.

Last Night I Went Over
The Office Procedures

And Phone System
With Mrs. Mckechnie.

Oh, Here Are
Your Morning Charts.

And I Typed Up Your Schedule, Dr. Huxtable.

Well, Ms. Tardy,
I'm Impressed.

Thank You.

: ...

Uh-Huh.

We Have Mrs. Friedman.

Yeah.

And Then Mrs. Hodge.

Right.

And Then Mrs. Cortina

And Then Your Last Patient
Is Mrs. Minifield.

Mrs. Minifield.

What's Wrong With Her?

Well, Mrs. Minifield Is...

Different.

When You See Her

You'll Know That
That's Mrs. Minifield

And The Good News Is

Any Day Now
She's Going To Deliver.

Whew.

Yoo-Hoo.

Hello.

What Time
Is Mrs. Minifield's Appointment?

: .

It's... : .

You're Right On Time.

Uh, We're Not Open Yet.

I Know.

My Husband Dropped Me Off.

Why Would He Do That?

Because I'm
Nine Months Pregnant.

I Didn't Want To Walk.

Why Couldn't He
Just Drop You Off At : ?

Because I'm Already Here.

Oh, Yep. Mm-Hmm.

Ms. Tucker, Why Don't You Take
Mrs. Minifield

Out To The Waiting Room?

Yes, Sir, Dr. Huxtable.

And, Mrs. Minifield

Please Don't Give Medical Tips
To Any Of My Patients.

Okay. I Promise.

Good. Good.

Rudy, We Have To Get Moving
On This Pinata.

The Starch Is Drying Out.

Stanley, This Is A Group
Social Studies Project.

Our Group Isn't All Here Yet.

Everybody That Matters Is Here.

Oh, I Forgot.

The Third Wheel.

I Really Hate It
When You Call Kenny A Wheel.

He's My Friend.

He's Jealous
And He's A Troublemaker.

Why Did You Pick Him
For Our Group?

He's My Friend.

Stanley

Be Patient With Him.

You Know He's Had A Hard Time
Dealing With Our Relationship.

(Knocking)

Well...

Hello, Hello, Hello.

Sorry About The Delay.

I Was Waiting For Deirdre.

Hello.

Hello.
Hi.

Rudy:
Oh...

Could I Take Your Coat,
Deirdre?

Allow Me, Dee-Dee.

Thanks, Kenny.

What A Nice Kitchen.

Thank You.

Nice Going, Kenny.

You Finally Made It
To The Big Leagues.

Well, Stan,
I Was Always There.

There Was Just No Need
To Broadcast My Personal Life.

Well, Shall We Get Started?

Well, I Guess So.

Did You Bring The Balloons
For The Pinata, Kenny?

Got Them Right Here.

I'll Help You Blow Them Up,
If You Want.

Dee-Dee Has Good Lungs.

She Plays The Saxophone.

I'm Not That Good.

She's A Whiz At Crafts.

She Went To Art Camp.

Well, In That Case,
You Can Stir The Starch.

Okay.

Now, Have We Answered
All The Questions?

Yes.

And Everything
Seems To Be Just Fine.

Uh, Mrs. Minifield

Are You Adhering To The Diet
That I... I Gave You?

Except For The Calcium, Yes.

What Do You Mean?

I'm Eating Lots Of Calcium.

My Husband
Doesn't Have Strong Bones

So I'm Tripling
My Calcium Intake.

You've Seen Him.

Wouldn't You Agree?

Well, He Doesn't Have
A Strong Handshake.

You See?

Yeah, But What Does That

Have To Do
With Your Calcium Intake?

Our Baby Has
Half My Husband's Genes

And I'm Making Up
For What He Lacks

By Eating Lots Of Calcium.

Cheese.

Milk.

It's Called
Genetic Compensation.

Did You Read This In A Book?

Nope. I Made It Up.

Ms. Tucker.

Yes, Dr. Huxtable?

Would You Please Confirm
The Reservation

For Mrs. Minifield
At The Brookridge Hospital?

Right Away, Dr. Huxtable.

We've Gone Over This Procedure
Before, Haven't We?

Yes.

Now, When The Contractions
Reach Eight Minutes Apart

That's When You Call Me.

Now, What

Did I Just Say?

Call You Every Eight Minutes.

No, That Isn't...
That Isn't What I Said.

I Want You To Call Me
When The Contractions

Are Consistently
Eight Minutes Apart.

I Understand Completely.

I Don't Want You
To Call Me At :

Or Eight Times A Day.

"Eight Minutes Apart."

You Can Call Me Anytime
If You Have Any Questions--

Pregnancy Questions.

(Intercom Buzzes)

Dr. Huxtable,
Your Lab Reports Are Waiting.

Okay.

Thank You.

I Guess I'm Off.

Yes, In More Ways Than One.

Bye-Bye.

(Intercom Buzzes)

Dr. Huxtable,
According To Mrs. Mckechnie

After Mrs. Minifield Leaves

You Always Put Your Head
On The Desk For Ten Minutes

And Contemplate
Why You Went To Med School.

Is That Correct, Dr. Huxtable?

Yes.

First Leg's Ready
To Be Attached

To The Spider.

That's Coming Along
Beautifully.

It's Only Starch, Kenny.

It's Not The Starch.

It's Who's On The Other End
Of The Spoon.

So, Deirdre, How Long
Have You Two

Been Seeing Each Other?

I Can Answer That.

Officially Since Wednesday.

Wednesday? You Mean
Like Three Days Ago?

Yeah. In Four Days

We'll Have Our
First-Week Anniversary.

Well, Congratulations.

Here's To A Long-Lasting
Relationship.

Congratulations.

I Didn't Even Know

You Guys Knew Each Other.

Well, Actually, We Didn't

Until That Magic Moment
When Kenny Came Up To Me

At My Locker
Right After Fourth Period.

That's Right.

Deirdre:
It Was Like

Out Of One Of Those
Old s Movies.

I Was...
I Was Just Standing There

And From Across The Crowded Hall

I Heard A Voice Say,
"Hello Over There By The Locker.

Would You Like
To Go With Me?"

I Turned Around,
And There He Was.

I Looked In His Eyes
And I Heard Bells.

Deirdre,
The Classes Were Changing.

Well, They Were Ringing
In My Heart.

The Truth Is, I've Liked Kenny
Since The Beginning Of The Year.

You Have?

Yeah.

I Was So Excited

When He Told Me
To Meet Him Here Today.

Then He Asked Me
To Write Down

My Hobbies And Interests.

You Made The Girl
Fill Out A Profile?

That's Right. I Keep It
Next To My Heart.

So, You Met Deirdre

After Fourth Period
On Wednesday?

Yeah.

Right After
Social Studies Class

When I Picked You
To Be The Third...

Wheel.

...Member In Our Group.

Merely Coincidence.

Could I See You
In The Living Room?

Sure.

I Won't Be Long, Dee-Dee.

All Right, Kenny,
Why Are You Doing This?

Doing What?

Don't Make Me Say This.

Say What?

You're Pretending
To Like Deirdre.

Rudy, Could That Be Jealousy
I Hear In Your Voice?

How Could I Be Jealous
With Stanley?

You Must Ask Yourself That,
Rudy.

Well, I'm Not Jealous.

Then You Would Have No Problem
With Our Relationship.

We May Have Only Known
Each Other Three Days

But Our Souls

Have Known Each Other
For Eternity.

Not One Minute Goes By

That I Don't Think
Of The Touch Of Her Hand

The Moment Her Lips Touch Mine.

You've Kissed Her?

Well, That's Not Uncommon

In A Relationship
As Strong As Ours.

So, You Could Go In There
Right Now And Kiss Her?

Well, I...

You Don't Have To.

I Already Have My Answer.

You Shouldn't Make Up Stories.

What Stories?

I've Kissed Her.

Sure, I Have.

I'll Prove It To You.

You Will?

Yeah.

Tell Deirdre To Come In Here.

Okay.

Oh, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny!

Kenny?

Uh, No, This Is

Ten Stigwood Avenue.

Is Two Doors Down.

Happens All The Time.

Is Everything Okay, Kenny?

Oh, Yeah.

Why Don't You Sit Down?

Okay.

You See, Dee-Dee

I Have Something
Very Personal To Ask You.

Yes?

Can I Borrow Your Lip Gloss?

What?

It's Winter-- Chapped Lips.

I Have Had Enough.

First, You Say
You Want To Go With Me.

You Make Me Fill Out
A Questionnaire.

For Three Days,
I Don't Hear From You.

Then I Meet You Here,
And You Brag About Me.

Now You Want To Borrow
My Make-Up?

If You Three Think
This Is Funny

Then You're Just
Really Mean.

Wait. It's Not Them.

It's Me.

I Didn't Mean To Hurt You.

I Guess

I Was Just
Using You.

Oh, I Feel Much Better Now.

I Wouldn't Have
If I'd Known You Liked Me.

I Could Have Liked You
And Wouldn't Have Pretended.

Did You Mean It
That You Liked Me?

Yes.

All Right!

But I Don't Anymore.

I'm The Same Guy.

You're Not The Same Guy
In The Hallway.

I Liked You, Despite What
Everybody Says About You.

What Does Everybody Say?

They Say You're An Odd Duck--

You March To The b*at
Of Your Own Drummer.

That's Not So Bad.

Couldn't You Like Someone
Who Does That?

I Did... Until Today.

That's Good News.

The Way I Was Acting Today,
That's Not Me.

I Was Acting That Way
Because Of Rudy.

Why? What Did She Do To You?

She Started
Seeing Stanley

And Then Everything Changed.

We Used To Go To The Movies,
The Mall, To Get Pizza.

You Don't Go Those Places
With Her Anymore?

Oh, I Go.

It's Just That
He's Always There.

Oh, How Sad.

I've Got To Go.

Wait. Can I Walk You Home?

You Didn't Walk Me Here.

Because I Was An Idiot.

You Don't Have To Like Me.

I Just Want To Walk You Home.

Okay.

Hello. Excuse Us.

Nice Seeing You.

Can I Get The Door
For You, Dee-Dee?

My Name Is Deirdre.

Got It.

I'll Be Walking Deirdre Home.

Stop Staring
And Stir The Starch, Stanley.

Excuse Me.

End Of Pam Tucker's
First Day On The Job.

How Did I Do?

I Didn't Even Know
I Had A Substitute.

Sounds Like
A Salary Bump To Me.

If There's
Any Salary At All.

Come On, Cousin Cliff,
Cough It Up.

All Of A Sudden
It's Cousin Cliff.

I'm Off The Clock.

You're Off The Clock.

(Phone Rings)

Almost.

Dr. Huxtable's Office.

Go Ahead.

Yes, One Moment, Please.

It's Mrs. Minifield.

Hi, Mrs. Minifield.

Dr. Huxtable.

Yes?

How Far Apart Should
The Contractions Be When I Call?

Eight Minutes Apart.

Oh, Dear.

"Oh, Dear" What, Mrs. Minifield?

How Far Apart Are They,
"Oh, Dear"?

You'll Get Mad At Me.

No, I'm Not Going To Get Mad
At You, Mrs. Minifield.

How Far Apart Are They?

You're Yelling At Me!

Mrs. Minifield,
I'm Not Yelling At You.

How Far Apart Are They?

F-F-F-F.....

F-F-Five?

Four.

Four?!

Mrs. Minifield,
I Told You To Call Me

When The Contractions Are
Eight Minutes Apart.

I Know, But They Jumped
From Ten To Four.

They Jumped?

Last Time I Checked,
They Were Ten Minutes.

Now They're Coming
Every Four Minutes.

Good, Now, Mrs. Minifield,
Listen To Me Carefully.

You Are Not In Danger

But I Want You To Get
To The Hospital.

You Need To Get
To The Hospital

As Soon As Possible.

Now, Is Your Husband There?

He's Running Errands.

I Can Leave Him A Note.

No, No, Mrs. Minifield.

Mrs. Minifield,
Don't Leave A Note.

You've Got To Get
To The Hospital.

Is There Someone
Who Can Put You In A Cab?

I Think So.

Okay, Now, Mrs. Minifield

Here's What I Want You To Do.

I Want You To Call A Cab
And Get Your Overnight Bag.

You Have That, Don't You?

Yes.

Now, You And The Overnight Bag,
You Both Get Into The Cab.

You Understand
What I'm Saying?

Okay, Get Into The Cab.

You Head For The Hospital.

Take You About Minutes,
I Guess.

Maybe My Husband Can Pick You Up

On The Way Back
From The Dry Cleaners.

I Will Meet You There

And We Will Go In Together,
All Right?

All Right.

Bye-Bye.

This Is So Exciting.

A Baby My First Day.

Do You Want Me
To Do Anything?

Should I Boil
Some Water?

Yes, You Can Boil Some Water.

Put Tea In It.

Okay, One Cup Of Tea To Go,
Dr. Huxtable.

Yes.

Brookridge Hospital?

Dr. Huxtable.

Coming In
With A Mrs. Minifield.

Uh, Be Ready For Anything.

Here's Your Tea, Dr. Huxtable!

It's In A Twin's Dribble Cup
So It Won't Spill In The Car!

Cliff:
Tell Mrs. Huxtable Where I Am!

You're Covered.

(Tires Screeching)

(Crash)

Tell Me That's Not
Dr. Huxtable's Car.

Ump, Can't Do That.

Dr. Huxtable,
Somebody Hit Your Car!

What?

What?

Somebody Hit Your Car.

You're Kidding.

You Think Because You Got
Doctor's License Plates

You Can Park In The Middle
Of The Street?

I Wasn't Parked...

You Was...

I Don't Have Time For This.

I've Got An Emergency.

I Have A Lady In My Cab.

She's About
To Have A Baby.

How Far Apart
Are The Contractions?

She Told Me

Not To Tell You.

Mrs. Minifield, I Told You
To Go The Hospital!

But You Were On The Way!

(Minifield Screaming)

See? There's Another One.

According To My Meter

She's Having One
Every Three Blocks.

Whoa!

Dad, What's Going On?

I'll Tell You
What's Going On.

Your Father Wrecked My Cab

And That Lady's
Having A Baby In It.

Rudy:
Wow!

Cliff:
Pam, Tell Nurse Travis
To Bring My Cord Set!

I Need Some Sterile Towels
And Gloves!

I'm On It!

Rudy:
Should I Call
The Ambulance?

Cliff:
Number's On The Phone.

She Told Me

She Was An Airport Fare
With One Stop.

Gloves And Towels.

Move Aside.

Otherwise,
I Wouldn't Have Picked Her Up

In The First Place.

Pam:
Move Aside! Move Aside!

Cliff:
All Right, Push,
Mrs. Minifield.

I Am Pushing!

I Don't Mean With Your Foot
On My Forehead.

Pam:
Hey, The Meter's
Still Running.

Don't You Know It

And As Soon As She Sits Up,
We're Going To The Airport.

(Knocking)

Oh, Hi, Kenny.

Hey, Rudy.

Sorry I Acted
Like A Jerk Today.

That's Okay.

I Acted Like One Too.

So, What Happened
To Deirdre?

I Walked Her Home.

She Said To Call Her.

You Going To Call?

Ooh, Yeah.

Guess You Had To Call
Somebody Sometime.

You And I Have Something
In Common Again.

I'm Happy For You.

I'm Happy

For Me Too.

I'm Happy For You.

You Won't Tag Along
With Me And Stanley Anymore?

Oh, I'll Be Tagging.

I'll Just Have Deirdre With Me.

We'll Double.

Are You Coming Over
To Paint The Spider Tomorrow?

Wouldn't Miss It.

Deirdre's A Very
Complicated Woman.

I May Need Your Advice
On How Women Think.

Why Don't You Ask Your Brother?

I Would, But He Hasn't Been
Too Accurate Lately.

Kenny, Your Brother
Was Never Accurate.

Yeah, But He Is Like Family.

Well, So Are You.

Thanks.

I'll See You Tomorrow, Rudy.

All Right, Bye...

Bud.