08x19 - Cliff and Theo Come Clean

[bunniefuu]

Who's There?

(Screams)

Whoa!

Hey, Dad.

What Are You Doing Out Here?

I'm Just Taking Some Topsoil.

You're...

Taking Our Dirt?

Dad, It's Not For Me.

We're Having A Plant Sale
At The Center.

Consider It A Donation.
Mom Did.

I Don't Understand Why

You Have To Come Here
For Everything!

Between Here And The Center

I Know That There's
Got To Be Empty Lots.

You Could Have Dug There.

Why Here?

Dad, I Can't Go Around
Stealing Public Property.

I Mean...
Come On.

Wh... What's A Bag Of Dirt?

Okay.

Go Ahead, Man.

Take It.

Take It All

And Dig A Hole
Deep Enough

That You Can Just
Throw Me

Right On In.

Take It And Be My Guest.

Tell The People
At The Center

Donated By
Your Father.

Well, Dad, Okay, Dig This.

I Think I Have Some News

That Might Bring You
A Little Bit Of Comfort.

What?

You Remember The Tartan Company?

They've Been Pressuring Me

To Give Them An Answer
About The Job Offer.

Yeah, Yeah.

Big Move-- San Francisco.

I'm Turning The Job Down.

I'm Going
To Grad School

Like I Planned

And I'm Going
To Continue Volunteering

At The Center.

You're Not Going?

Nope.

Clair!

He's Not Going!

But... I Mean...

You're Staying, Right?

Yes, Yes, I'm Staying.

Of Course, I Would Have Been
Just As Happy If You...

If You Were Going To Go...

But You're Staying?

And You're Staying In The City?

Not In This House?

Yeah, Yeah.

No, No, Not In The House.

Oh, Well, Then...

In That Case, Then...

This... This Is On Me.

Good Morning.

Both:
Good Morning.

Are You Ready?

Ready For What?

Don't You Remember?

We're Making A Picture Book
About You For School.

Oh, That's Right.

The Life Story
Of A Parent Or Guardian.

Not The Whole Life Story.

What Were You Like At Age Six?

Yeah,
What Did You Look Like?

What Did I Look Like?

I Was Handsome.

Well, Not Really Handsome.

Sort Of... Dashing.

Dashing? What Does That Mean?

Dashing Is Handsome,
Only Faster.

Yeah, Yeah.

What Are You Drawing?

Is That..?

Pardon Me.

Is This Supposed
To Be Me?

And This Is The Best You Can Do
Is Draw..?

I Am...

You're Going To Have To Do
Better Than This.

Dr. Huxtable, Marlon Is
The Best Drawer In My Class.

You Got Some Sad Drawers
In Your Class.

What Else Can You Draw?

I Can Draw A Bike, A Seesaw,
And A Balloon.

Now You're Cooking
Because Those Three Things

Happen To Be The Most
Important Things In My Life

When I Was That Age.

That's Great.

Tell Us About Your Bike.

Well, I Named The Bike "Bob."

Bob The Bike.

Did You Ride Fast?

Oh, Fast?

Man, Let Me Tell You Fast.

I Rode So Fast

That People In The Neighborhood
Would Say... Would Say...

"There Goes Bob-And-Cliff."

Whenever A Wind Came Up,
They Said

"That Must Be Bob-And-Cliff."

I Rode So Fast,
The Police Said

"Cliff, We're Going
To Have To Create

A Special Lane For You."

And Henceforth Came

What Is Known In America Today
As The Bike Lane.

Where Is Bob Now?

He's In The Smithsonian.

Bob The Bike Is
Hanging On A Right Angle

Held By Two Wires,
Next To The Spirit Of St. Louis.

Looks Like A Rocket.

Thank You Very Much,
Dr. Huxtable.

Well, You Know...

There Are Other Things
That I Have.... I Have Done.

For Instance

When I Was
A Child

I Invented...

What Is Called Today "Recess."

Now...

In The Beginning,
It Was Called "Heathcliff."

Iinvented That.

Now, You Start
To Write About It.

Think About Those Things.

You're Not Talking
To An Ordinary Human Being.

Hey, Hello, Honey.

How Are You?

Heathcliff...

All Right,
You Heard Her--

Take A Break.

Olivia:
Mrs. Huxtable

If You Were Doing A Book

About Somebody
When He Was Little

And You Don't Believe
What He Says

What Do You Do?

Uh, You Go To Another Source.

What's A Source?

A Source Is Someone

Who Knows That Person Very Well.

That Would Be You.

No, That Would Be Someone
Who Knew That Person

When That Person Was A Child...

I Mean, A Little Boy.

I Bet Grandpa Huxtable
Would Know Him.

Let's Call And Ask Him.

And Then We'll Take
A "Heathcliff."

Oh, Lord.

I'll Dial.

Oh, Snap!

This Is Unbelievable!

What's That?

Money, Man!

You Know, It Must Be
At Least $ !

Wait, Let Me See That.

Hey, Yo, That's $ !

Yes!

Whoa!

You're Going
To Give It Back To Him?

Well, Yeah,
Rahim Found It.

What He Does
Is His Decision.

I'm Out Of Here!

No, Wait.
Wait.
Wait.

I'm Sure You Would
Like To Discuss With Us

What To Do With It.

What's To Discuss?

Except That Fate Has Found Rahim
At Last!

Well, Rahim, The Money
Obviously Belongs To Someone.

Yeah, Those Look Like Initials
On That Clip--

"Y.E.Z."

No, See,
Those Aren't Initials.

It's A Message
From The Heavens.

See, I Looked Up
And Silently Prayed

"Is This Money Really For Me?"

And The Answer
Came Thundering Down

"Yez, Rahim, Yez."

You're Not Really
Going To Keep The Money?

I'll Give It To My Father.

It'll Make Up For What He Lost
When He Got Laid Off.

(Chattering)

Okay, Hold On.

I See That We Have

A Difference
Of Opinions Here.

But We Have One Fact, Right?

$ .

Now Maybe Rahim Wouldn't Mind
A Little Input From His Friends

About What To Do
With His Money Here.

Okay,
I'll Hear Just A Few Opinions.

He Should Keep It.
Thanks!

Whoa, Rahim, Okay.

Stanley,
You Say He Should Keep It.

Let's Get This Down,
All Right?

Louise,
Help Me With The Blackboard.

All:
Not The Blackboard!

Theo:
Yes, The Blackboard.

It's About Time You Knuckleheads
Learn Something Today.

Okay, Now, Stanley,
You Say He Should Keep It.

Why Should Rahim Keep The Money?

I Say It's Part
Of The Loss Money Pool.

What?

The Loss Money Pool.

See, When We Lose Money

We're Making Deposits
Into The Pool

And When We Find Money,
We're Making A Withdrawal.

See, Rahim Here Was Swimming
In The Deep End Of The Pool

When The Money Floated
Right Into His Little Hands.

Right, My Partner?

Leticia, You Think We Should
Find The Owner?

I Agree.
Yeah.

That Money Could Belong To Some
Poor Old Lady With Cats.

Okay. Cat Woman.

Or It Could Belong
To A Drug Dealer.

Ah, Right, Drug Dealer.

Luis:
Wait A Minute.

We Don't Want The Drug Dealer
To Have It.

We Don't Return The Money
If The Owner Is A Drug Dealer?

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

It Could Be

Some Poor Family's Rent Money.

So You Are Saying

That If It's A Rich Person,
We Keep The Money

But If It's A Poor Person,
Give It Back?

Look, You Guys.

It Doesn't Matter Whose It Is.

You Know It's Not Yours, Rahim.

I Found It.

Yo, Look.

Leticia's Right.

We Should Look For The Owner,
No Matter Who It Is.

Really, Eugene?

That's Very Refreshing.

Well, It Is
The Honorable Thing To Do

Isn't It?

(Kids Arguing)

Why Is It That

I'm The Only One
Telling The Truth Around Here?

You Know That
If Theo Wasn't Here

You'd All Say, "Keep The Money."

(Kids Arguing)

I Think I Might Have
Left Something Here.

Can I Help You?

I'm Theo Huxtable.

Yes.
My Name Is Yasmin Zander.

(Groans)

(Laughing)

Wait A Minute.

What's Your Middle Name?

Edward.

Dang.

Yo, Rahim?

(Groans)

(Sighs)

Well, Here You Are.

Everything You Ever
Wanted To Know

About Young Heathcliff
Is Right In This Box.

All Right!

What Do You Have, Grandpa?

Well, Let's See, Uh...

Here's A Picture
Of Heathcliff

When He Was Eight Years Old
On Halloween.

He Was Standing

On The Front Stoop
Of Our House In Philadelphia.

What's He Dressed As?

A Cheese Steak Hoagie.

Hoagie?

What Kind Of Costume
Is That?

Turn The Picture
On Its Side

To Get The Full Effect.

Oh!

Oh, Let's See...

What Else Have We Got
In Here?

Oh, Hmm-Hmm!

Heathcliff's
First Grade Report Card.

There's Writing
On The Back.

Oh, That's, Uh,
The Teacher's Comments.

"Heathcliff Has
An Active Imagination

"But Has A Tendency
To Disrupt The Class

"And Due To The Length
Of His Presentations

He Has Been Banned
From Show-And-Tell."

Ooh, He Got In Trouble!

Well, Now, That Was
Only One Side Of Heathcliff.

Here's Another Side.

Now, Here's Heathcliff Taking
His First Bath In The Big Tub.

Ooh, Dr. Huxtable's Naked!

And Look At His Belly Button!

He Has An Outie!

And Look!

He's Got That Same Smile!

Well, Heathcliff Always
Had A Capacity

For Entertaining Himself.

When We Put Him To Bed At Night,
He Never Cried.

He Would Just Sit Up
In That Crib For Hours, Going...

"Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba
Yabba-Yabba-Yabba."

(Chanting:)
We Saw You Naked!

We Saw You Naked!

What You Got There, Dad?

These Children Are Doing
A Book About You.

They Wanted To Check

Their Facts.

What's This?

Uh, Why Don't You
Read It To Him, Dad.

Mm-Hmm.

The Adventures
Of Bob And Cliff.

That Is Correct-- Bob And Cliff.

And, Uh, If You Notice
The Photograph There...

Oh, Excuse Me,
Is That A Photograph Of Me?

And I'm Standing Beside

Bob The Bike, Huh?

I Can Still Feel The Wind
In My Face.

Wait A Minute.

You Said This Bike
Is Hanging

In The Smithsonian.

I... I... I Did Not.

I...

I Said That I Gave The Bike
To My Friend Tom Smith...

And That The Bike
Is "In The Smith Home, Man."

But You Said
It Was Hanging There

Like A Rocket.

I Said That They Put The Bike
Near A Rocker.

Well, You Did Say

It Was Hanging Next
To The Spirit Of St. Louis.

I Said That The Smith Family
Moved To St. Louis

And That Is The Spirit.

See, You Children
Don't Listen To Me.

Yo, Rahim, What's Up?

I'll Tell You What's Up...
Ten Bucks.

That's My Reward.

Ten Bucks!

Well, Hey, Man, Ten Bucks Is...

Not Much.

But Listen, It's More
Than What You Came In With.

Things Have Not Been So Great
For My Family Lately.

That Money Could Have Helped Us.

The Money Wasn't Yours
To Begin With.

Do You Know How Mr. Zander
Got That Money?

He Won It

Betting On Horses.

What Justice!

You're Right. There Is None.

No, "What Justice"
Is The Name Of The Horse.

Can You Believe It?

That Was Free Money To Zander.

It Could Have Been
Free Money To Me.

That's Wack.

Would You Feel Better

If The Money Went
To Homeless People?

Yeah! The People
Who Need It Most Never Get It.

Other People Get It.

Like Politicians

Movie Stars, Ball Players,
Preachers...

They're All Taking Down
Big Bucks.

Yeah, You're Right.

But They're Not All Good People.

Some Do dr*gs, Some Steal It

Some Lie All The Time
Just To Keep Their Money.

How Does That
Affect Rahim?

This Rahim Should Have Kept
His Mouth Shut

And Walked Out Of Here

With That Money.

But Nooo...

This Rahim Is The Last
Honest Fool.

Oh, Come On, Now.

You Are The Only One
Calling Yourself A Fool.

Say You Did
Take The Money Home.

What Would Your Father Do?

First, He Would Have Asked Me
Where I Got The Money.

Then He Would Have
Made Me Return It.

Maybe That's Because
He's A Fool Too.

I Must Be A Fool Too

Because
I Would Have Returned It.

So That Makes
Three Of Us, Right?

Then There's Deirdre,
Leticia, Eugene...

That Brings The Fool Count
Up To Six.

See, But You
Stand Out, Rah.

You're The Fool
Who Had To Prove It.

And Also, You Got

Ten Dollars For It.

I Guess You're Right.

Be Careful, Because
Leticia Might Start Liking You.

Oh, Man!

Well, Hello There.

Hello.

Hello There

My Tiny Little Scribes.

(Sighs)

Both:
Yabba-Yabba, Yabba-Yabba,
Yabba-Yabba...

Now, What Was That
All About?

Maybe They're Taking
A Heathcliff.

Two Six-Year-Olds Come To You
For A Bit Of Personal History--

For A School Project,
And What Happens?

A -Year-Old Man
Has To Drive Miles

To Unspin Your Yarns.

Now, Now, Just Hear Me Out...

Has There Been A Day In Life

When You Did Not Embroider
The Truth Beyond Recognition?

Well, Look...

Didn't I Tell You, In ...

Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba

Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba...

Well, Wait, Wait,
Wait, Wait, Wait...

Don't Leave, Don't Leave,
Don't Leave, Okay?

All Right,
Now, If You Want

A True Story

I'll Be Happy
To Tell You A True Story.

No More Kidding Around.

Okay, Tell Us Your Story.

It Was Nineteen Forty...

Three!

I Was Six Years Old

And We Had Entered World w*r Ii.

I... I Actually Joined
In The Fight.

You Were A Soldier
When You Were Six?

Actually...

I...

Was Not A Soldier.

However, They Asked
The Civilians

To Do Certain Things.

What Did You Do?

I Was Put In Charge
Of Collecting Tinfoil.

The Cigarette Packs Had Tinfoil
On Top Of The Paper

And My Job Was To Take That
And Take...

Peel Off That Tinfoil.

I Was Good At It.

Candy Bars
Were Like That.

cr*cker Jacks--
That Was My Job.

I'd Make A Little Ball,
And Then A Bigger Ball

And I'd Walk
Around The City

And I Was Always
Like This--

Always Looking For Tinfoil
Everywhere I Went

And It Got So People
In Philadelphia Said

"There's Heathcliff
The Magnet

The...
The American Patriot."

They Did Call Him
Heathcliff The Magnet

And He Was A Patriot.

And I Collected
And Balled Up So Much

I Had A Ball
Of Tinfoil This High.

No, Heathcliff,
It Was This High.

Absolutely.

I Remember

You Could Hardly See
Over It

When The Paper
Took That Picture.

There You Go.

Your Picture
Was In The Paper?

Yes.

Anna Sent It To Me
Overseas.

Now, That's A Great Story.

So Make Sure You Write
All The Facts Down--

Get Everything Straight.

Ooh!

I Have
A Silver Crayon!

I'm Drawing
The Tinfoil Ball.

Uh, Look, Son...

Son, Let Me
Help You Here.

See, You Have To Make It
Bigger Than That.

That Ball Was Big.

That Was Bigger,
All Over...