08x23 - Some Gifts Aren't Deductible

[bunniefuu]

♪ No, Ohh, Ohh,
And What Do You Want To Do? ♪

♪ Whoa, Whoa, Whoa ♪

♪ And How You
Want To See? ♪

Ah, There's My...

♪ Yellow Rose Of Taxes. ♪

What's The Matter With You--
I.R.S. Got Your Tongue?

What Has Gotten Into You?

It Is Tax Time.

I Know, And Who Are You,
And What Have You Done

To My Husband?

No, No.

The Cliff I Know
At Tax Time

Is Grumbling Round This House,
Barking At The Furniture.

"Why Aren't You Deductible?!"

I Don't Remember
My Behavior Being That Bad.

Need I Bring Out The Letters
That Have Been Written

To Various Presidents
Throughout The Years?

Yes, There Were Times,
But That Is The Past.

I Am A New Person.

So I Will Have
Your Full Cooperation This Year?

You Will Hand Over The Receipts

And Let Me Take Them
To The Accountant

And The Accountant And I
Will Work This Thing Out?

The Receipts--

And You Shall Go Forth.

This Is A New Attitude.

I'm Going

To Go Get My Pencil.

Yes!

And I'm Going To Meet You

And Your New Attitude
In The Dining Room.

Okay.

All Right
With Me.

(Knocking)

Enter.

Kenny, My Main Man.

No Chitchat.

Personal Crisis.

Romantic Variety.

Anything I Can Do?

Point Me Toward Rudy.

Oh! Okay!

Rudy..!

Oh. Hi, Stanley.

Kenny, How Did You
Get In Here?

Do You Live In The Basement?

Would You Excuse
My Friend Rudy And Me?

We Need To Talk.

Kenny, Is There No One Else

Who Would Talk
To You?

Where Is Your Alleged
Girl Friend?

It's Fascinating That You're
Obsessed With My Personal Life--

Almost As If You Didn't Have

One Of Your Own.

Stanley, Could You Go
Get Us Some Juice, Please?

Okay.

Oh, I'd Like Some
Shaved Ice In Mine.

Oh, Don't Worry, Kenny.

I'll Fix You A Drink.

So What Can I Do
For You, Friend?

It's Deirdre.

I'm In Trouble.

What Happened?

Yesterday Was
Deirdre's Birthday

And I Bought Her
A Special Gift.

I Even Wrapped It.

What Did You Get Her?

Tube Socks.

Tube Socks?

That's Not Very Romantic.

They Are Practical.

One Size Fits All.

The Problem Is

I Brought Them
To School Yesterday

And Was About
To Give Them To Deirdre

When I Overheard
Debbie Costa Ask Deirdre

What She Got
For Her Birthday

And She Said

"Well, My Grandmother
Sent Me Socks Again."

Oh, Not A Good Sign.

Well, There I Was
Holding This Grandma Gift.

So I Did What Any Man Would Do--
I Lied.

I Told Her That

I'm Giving Her A Party Tonight,
Here.

Stanley:
You What?!

Kenny, What Is
The Matter With You?

I Would Have Had It
At My House

But My Brother
Wouldn't Make Much Of A Host

In That Flannel Robe.

He Still Has That Robe?

Yeah.

Please,
Can You Help Me?

All Right, But You Got To Talk
To My Father First.

Okay. He'll Understand
An Affair Of The Heart.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable!

Hey, Hey, Boy,
I'm Having A Good Day, Now.

And Who More Deserves It
Than You?

What Do You Want, Kenny?

You Asked If There's
Anything You Can Do

To Help Me
With My Love Life.

No. I Said,
"Anything I Can Do?"

That's Just It, Sir,
And You Can.

Could I Use Your Backyard
For A Reception Tonight?

A Reception?

You And Deirdre Getting Married?

Kenny:
Would That

We Could, Sir

But Could I Use It
To Give Her A Birthday Party?

What Kind Of Party?

Just The Four Of Us.

It Won't Cost Much, Dad.

"It Won't Cost Much, Dad"?

I'll Pay For It.

I'll Even Work It Off.

I Think That Mrs. Huxtable And I

Can Absorb The Cost
Of Some Cookies And Some Chips

And... Uh, I Think
It Will Be Okay

Because I'm Expecting
A Big Tax Refund Soon.

Ought To Be
Just Fine, Kid.

Make It On Me.

Thank You, Sir.

Yes, Sir.

There Goes A Prince

Among Men.

You're Pushing It.

Cliff:
Okay!

All Right, Now.

Now, Here...

Now, Wait.

Let Me Just Say.

You Know All You Have To Do
Is Give Me The Receipts

And I Will Take Them
To The Accountant

And We Will Take Care
Of Everything.

Yes.

Good.

What Have You Got?

Now, First Of All

We Will Start
With Our First Defendant.

Dependent.

No. Defendant.

I'm Saying
"Defendant."

And I Defend
The Right To Write Off

Sondra, Elvin,
And The Two Children

As Charitable Expense
And Medical Expense.

Now, There.

Those Are The Receipts.

As A Charitable Expense?

Charitable Expense.

They Eat, They Sleep,
They Borrow

And Then They Don't Pay Back.

Sondra, Elvin

And The Little Dwarfs.

Sondra And Elvin Are Adults
Who Are Earning Their Own Wages.

Now, What Is This
Medical Expense?

The Medical Expense
Is Mainly Because

They Have Taken At Least A Year
Off Of My Life.

(Sighs)

Let's Move On.

Okay.

Now, Next.

Aha!

A Perfect One I Have Here.

Under , Olivia.

Absolutely No Income Of Her Own.

That's A Definite.

Put It Down! Put It Down!

There You Go.

That's The Best Defendant
We Have.

The Accountant Has Told Me

That Martin And Denise
Are Claiming Olivia.

How?

He's Out There
On A Boat Somewhere

With A Little, Cute Uniform

Running Around Saying,
"Aye, Aye, Sir."

He Is Defending His Country,
Dear.

Big Deal!

Look At This

Stack Of Stuff
That We Spent.

This Man Did Not Come Home
To Take The Child

On These Field Trips
To The Museum.

Little Children--
"I Want To Go To The Bathroom!"

He Didn't Do That.

Let's Move On, Dear.

Okay. Next

Is Cousin Pam.

I Spoke To Her Mother.

Yes.

And She Said That We Could
Claim Her As A Dependent.

Thank You.

But I Didn't Feel Good

About That.

Now, Why Didn't You Feel Good
About It?

Pam Is Her Daughter, Dear.

By What Definition
Is She The Daughter?

This Is A Chance

For Us To Write Off Somebody.

Sweetheart

Let's Move On.

Okay. All Right.

Vanessa And Theo.

Yes, We Do Have
Vanessa And Theo.

You Better Believe It.

Look At All Of This.

Vanessa's In College.

She's Our Dependent.

Theo, My Boy, I Can
Write Him Off Forever, Man.

Just In... Just In Cereal Alone,
We're Going To Get Back $ , .

Put That Down.

I Got Receipts
For All Of That.

You Have Receipts
For $ , In Cereal?

You Better Believe It.

And Guess What Else I Did.

I Didn't Put The Coupons

That We Cut Out To Buy The Bread
To Get Eight And Ten Cents Off.

Left Them Out.

I Don't Get It, Rudy.

How Many Times Will We
Have To Bail Out Mr. Slick?

Everybody Needs Friends,
And Kenny Is Mine.

He Really Likes Deirdre,
And I Want To See Him Happy.

There's Something
I Should Tell You

About Our Guest Of Honor,
Deirdre.

What's That?

Yesterday At School

Deidre Said, "See You
At Rudy's Party Tomorrow."

I Said, "What Party?"

She Said, "It's Not A Surprise.
Kenny Told Me."

And I Said

"It's A Surprise To Me,
'Cause There's No Party."

Oh, No.

That Means That
Deirdre Knows Kenny Was Lying--

That This Is Last-Minute.

It Does, Doesn't It?

Why Didn't You
Tell Kenny This Before?

I Don't Know.

I Hope
It Doesn't Ruin The Evening.

(Doorbell Rings Weakly:
"Ding...)

(Electrical Static)

(...Dong")

Oh, De... Deirdre.

Happy Birthday.

Sell It Somewhere Else.

I Was Just At Your House.

This Guy

In A Robe And A Baseball Cap
Said You Were Here.

That's Not My Brother.

Tell Me Another Story.

How About The Party

That None Of My Friends
Are Invited To?

Oh, Well, There's A Party--

It's Just An Intimate One.

How Long Have You
Been Planning

This Intimate Party?

You Mean, In My Head,
Or In My Heart?

Forget It, Kenny.

From The Moment I Met You

You've Been Making Up
Stories And Excuses

To Get Out Of Trouble.

We Can't Live That Way.

This Is Unacceptable.

Good-Bye, Forever.

Deirdre, There's
An Orchestra Coming.

Kenny, Get Some Help.

Oh, Kenny, Kenny, Kenny.

The Party's Coming Together.

What Party?

The Love Of My Life
Is Gone... Forever.

What Happened?

She Saw Through
My Desperate Party Plans

Like She Was Psychic.

Kenny, Don't Feel Bad.

It Was Just A Matter Of Time

Before She Saw
Through You Anyway.

That Is The Last Time,
Stanley.

Kenny, Why Don't
You Go Talk To Her?

I Can't.

She Said It Was Forever.

I Can Talk To Her.

She Wouldn't
Believe You.

You're My Friend.

Stanley Could Talk To Her.

Who?
Who?

Come On,
Look At It This Way.

Stanley Thinks
You're A Creep.

If Stanley Said
Nice Things About You

Deirdre Would Have
To Believe Him.

If Stanley Says
Nice Things About You.

Nope, Forget It.

It's Just The Three
Of Us Again... Forever.

I'll Be At Deirdre's.

Thank You.

(Laughing Loudly)

I Got It!

I Got It!

♪ Da-Da! ♪

I'm Almost Finished.

Maybe You'd Like To Go
In The Living Room

And Just Relax.

No, We Can't.

Check It Out.

Bam! I Got It!

The Patriot's Guide
To Taxpaying.

I Got It.

♪ Pa-Pa! ♪

Where Did You Get That, Cliff?

Carlton's Bookstore,
And It Was The Last One.

Read The Back.

First Of All, It's Written
By Paxton Peidmont--

"Formerly With The I.R.S.

"Before He Was Drummed Out

For Giving Too Many Tax Tips
To The American Taxpayer."

You Reading That Whole Book?

Listen, I've Already
Been Skimming Through It

And I Got Some Passages
Here For You.

"If You Work For The Government

And Are Disabled Because
Of A t*rror1st att*ck..."

You Don't Have To Pay Taxes.

But You Don't Work
For The Government

And You Are Not Disabled.

Just Answer Me This Now.

Has Or Has Not This House
Been Under Siege?

Now, That's A Good Point.

Now, Now, Wait.

Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait.

Here's Another One.

If Our Trees Are Destroyed
By Southern Pine Beetles

That's Deductible.

Um, Cliff,
We Don't Live In The South.

Bugs Can Migrate.

Now, Didn't You Have
Some People

Up Here From Virginia?

They Came Up Here.

They Could Have Carried
The Little Critters

On Their Clothes

And They Could Have Jumped Up,
And They Could Have Just...

There Could Have Been A Blight
All In The Back Yard.

I'm Telling You,
This Book Is On The Money.

Don't Try To Stop Me.

Now, Look Over My Shoulder.

Yes?

He Says Here

"This Is
A Delectable Tax Deduction."

Your Office.

That Is Not Deductible.

If The Occupant-- Me--
Has Another Office

Where She Performs
Most Of Her Work

A Home Office Is Not Deductible.

(Clears Throat)

And Furthermore

Since We Did Add That Room On

And Increased The Value
Of The Home

Our Property Taxes
Are Going Up.

That's Not Funny.

Let Me Ask You A Question:

Are We In This Together,
Or What?

We Are In This
Together

But You Know What?

I Would Do Better

If I Were In This Room
By Myself Right Now.

I Could Collect
These Receipts

Like We Have To Do
Every Year This Time

And Take Them
To The Accountant

And Between
The Accountant And I

We Could Figure
This Thing Out.

We Could Write Off This Book.

Good Afternoon.

Hey, Hi.
How You Doing?

This Is

The Uptown String Quartet.

My Nephew Asked Us
To Rehearse Here.

You All Go Ahead.

Enjoy Yourselves.

Kenny, May I See You
For A Moment?

Oh, Excuse Me.

Where's Deirdre?

She's In
The Living Room.

What Did She Say?

She Says

Before She Sees You Again,
You Must Promise Three Things.

Well, Name Them.

Okay.

Number One:

To Be Completely Honest
With Deirdre.

Done.

Number Two:

You Must Promise
To Think Of Others

Before You Think
Of Yourself.

Done.

And Number Three:

You Must Spend
The Next Six Saturdays

Taking Boyfriend Lessons
From Stanley's School Of Charm.

Oh, Come On.

That's Not On There.

Oh, But It Is.

Oh, And Kenny, I Want
To Help You So Much.

Don't Come Near Me, Stanley.

Well, Deirdre's
In The Living Room.

All You Have To Do
Is Sign Right Here.

Now I Know I Love Her.

School Starts Next Saturday.

Hope You Graduate.

Hi, Deirdre.

Hello, Kenny.

I Got Your Note

And I Signed It.

I Would Have Taken
Your Word For It

But I Wanted You To Know
I Was Serious.

I Understand That.

I Deserve It.

One Of The Reasons
I Like You

Is You Have
A Great Imagination.

I Admired The Stories
You Wrote In English.

I Never Thought I'd Be
The Twist In One Of Your Plots.

Well, I Didn't Mean
For It To Happen

And I Didn't Mean
To Ruin Your Birthday.

I Just Got You
The Wrong Present

And I Panicked.

Kenny,
It's Okay To Panic.

It's When You Try
To Cover It Up

Is When You Get
In Trouble.

You're Right.

Why Don't We Start Over

And See How It Goes?

Good Idea.

Look, I Know
This Is A Last-Minute Party

But I'd Be Honored

If You'd Come.

Okay, Kenny.

All:
Happy Birthday, Deirdre!

Thank You, Kenny.

May I Have This Dance?

Certainly.

Rudy?

(Playing Slow Cha-Cha)