06x22 - A Little Night Music

[bunniefuu]

♪ Georgia

♪ Oh, georgia

♪ The whole day through

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind

♪ Oh oh

♪ Oh, georgia, now, my georgia

♪ Ah, you hear me, georgia

♪ No peace, no peace do I find

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind ♪

I thought that was pretty good.

Why is it so important
you wait for carlene?

I don't want her to
hear it from anyone else.

Bernice, this is ridiculous.

You did not see carlene's
parents on hard copy.

Bernice, now, I don't want
to hurt your feelings,

But things don't seem to be
percolating too well today.

By the way, where
are mary jo and julia?

Did they quit?

No, mary jo went to visit
her daughter in college,

And julia had a
doctor's appointment.

Why didn't she call me?

I would have given
her my doctor's name.

Oh, he's marvelous.

Welby. Marcus welby, m.d.

Hey, y'all.

Sorry. My class got out late.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing. We're
just sitting here

Listening to bernice
free-associate.

You know, carlene,

I'm sorry to be the
one to have to tell you,

But there's trouble
on walton's mountain.

Bernice, carlene's not
from walton's mountain,

She's from poplar
bluff, missouri.

Oh, well, excuse me.

Why don't you just report me

To the national
geographic society?

[Carlene] how was your
doctors appointment?

I don't want to talk about it.

What's wrong?

I thought this was
just a routine check-up?

Well, it's not routine anymore.

Oh, i...

I'd like to tell you
this is deeply personal

And I don't want
to talk about it,

But you're going to know
sooner or later anyway.

I might have to have a...

Um...

A hysterectomy.

A hysterectomy? Are you sure?

No, I'm not sure.

Some tests came back funny.

The doctor wants me
to go in for more tests.

If they come back funny,

They'll probably just make
a clean sweep of things,

As it were.

It's just...

It's just such a
shock, that's all.

I'm sor...

It's stupid!

It's not.

This is a big deal.

When do you go in?

Tonight.

Tonight? Julia... Well, why?

Because the hospital
workers where my doctor is

Are about ready to strike

And he wants to get this done.

Things are moving
too fast for my taste.

I'm calling my friend
at leisure land

For the name of her surgeon.

She's been through this.

Please don't go to any trouble.

You're like a daughter.
I want the best for you.

Carlene.

Well, what's wrong with you?

She's just upset because
they showed her parents

On hard copy.

Julia...

It's o.k.

Listen, i...

I... I think I know what you're
really concerned about.

Just because you're going
to have a hysterectomy,

It doesn't mean that
you're going to wind up

With a mugful of facial hair.

Thank you, allison.

Yeah, you know what?

My p.e. Teacher in high
school had a hysterectomy,

And... And she said

She added about
yards to her golf swing.

Thank you, carlene.

Julia, if I could
add my cents,

I'd just like to say

That you're the most
feminine women I've ever met

And there's nothing
that's going to change that.

Thanks, anthony.

Well, julia, it's all set.

He's the best
surgeon in atlanta.

He's really cute, too.

What's his name?

Howser. Doogie howser, m.d.

I hope you don't mind. I
forgot my blush-on today.

I want something to drink.

What do you want?

Vodka collins.

I don't think you can
get hard liquor here,

But you never know at
these country club hospitals.

I don't usually work here.

I'm just filling in
'cause of the strike.

I don't like being a scab,

But, on the other hand,

It's a chance to meet
some cute doctors.

Are you really a nurse?

Yeah.

I don't know why everybody
keeps asking me that.

I just took time off
to have my boobs done.

Sorry I asked.

That's o.k.

I'm proud of them.

By the way, I'm tiffany.

What are you in here for?

I'm going to have a
sex-change operation.

Excuse me, do you see
any cracks in my lipstick?

No, I don't.

My lips have been so
chapped all day long.

I can't even tell you
how much that hurts.

You know, I can't lie
around like you people.

So, you're a sugar?

No, my name is sugarbaker.

Oh, well, it says "sugar, j."

I was going to call you that.

I kind of like it.

Sugar j!

I bet some idiot in
personnel typed this.

The regular person's
probably on strike.

God, I hate dumb people.

What time is your
shift over, tiffany?

Who knows?

Things are so screwed
up around here tonight,

There's actually no telling.

God, I'd hate to
be having surgery.

Well, at least you got
those boobs in under the wire,

So to speak.

Miss sugarbaker?

Please, just call me sugar j.

Thanks, nurse. I'd like to
speak to the patient alone.

O.k. If you need
me, just buzz me,

Especially if you
start to feel afraid,

One of the loneliest
times after my surgery

Was when the swelling
was at its worst.

Both boobs were just throbbing.

Thank you, tiffany.
You're very giving.

I feel better now.

In fact, there'll be no
need for you to come back.

Ever.

Sorry about her. Guess
you've heard about the strike.

She's a nurse somewhere else.

Where?

I don't know... Some
veterinary clinic.

She keeps asking me
if her lips are chapped.

How should I know?
Do I look like a doctor?

No, you look like a rock star.

Well, that just shows
how looks are deceiving.

Actually, I work
in the cafeteria,

But because of the strike,

They've asked me to do
your surgery in the morning.

Now don't worry
because I have a manual

And I have a chart.

That's very funny.

Well, then let
me try this on you.

Actually, I am your surgeon,

And my name is dr. Hacker.

You're not going to laugh?

Anyway, dr. Atkins
asked me to come by

And talk with you.

I see here they have
your name wrong,

And they also have
you listed as a man.

You look like a woman to me.

O.k., Why the long face?

I lost the man I
love two years ago,

And my son doesn't
need me anymore.

Now I learn I'm no longer
going to be a woman.

I'm having a bad day.

Yeah, but... Ahem...
Look at it this way.

At least your lips
aren't chapped.

Now I'm going to do
a little palpating.

If this is sensitive,
just give a holler.

So where's this son of yours?

New york.

Why I can't have
anything to eat?

Because you're having surgery.

I'd rather have
something to eat.

How about a lifesaver?

Now I'm not supposed
to give you this,

But because it's a weird night,

I'm going to make an exception.

It has lint on it.

Sorry, I let my lint-picker
have the night off.

So, julia sugarbaker, what
are we going to do with you?

I feel like driving
down to florida

And looking at the ocean
for a couple of weeks

And trying to figure out
where the hell I'm headed.

I already tried that.

I got a sunburn

And divorce papers in the
mailbox when I got home.

That's not my business.

Then they changed my
a.a. Meeting to friday night,

The only night I work late.

Then my dog d*ed.

You're not making
me feel better.

Then I wrote this country song

Called, i'm so depressed,

i know no one will
buy this record.

But you know what?
It did pretty well.

Watch it now. That
looks like a smile.

I think I'm going to
scream for nurse tiffany.

Here, have the whole pack...

On the house.

That hospital gift shop
arrangement stuff... That's a ripoff.

A couple carnations, a wad of
baby's breath... They charge $ .

But I think it came in handy.

I had to pick up some
things for my neighbor

At leisure land.

She can't get out.

Well, I made a little
homemade card.

"Julia, please accept and
enjoy this rubick's cube.

In my sorrow at the loss
of your fallopian tube."

Hey, arthur. Remember me?

It's adam carl, your
temp bookkepper.

Oh, yeah. How are
you doing, adam?

And by the way, that's anthony.

I hear you.

So, what's up?

We're visiting here
miss sugarbaker.

She's in the hospital.

Oh, bummer.

I really liked her.

[Elevator opens]

Excuse me.

It was nice seeing you again.

Yeah, you, too.

Uh-huh.

Uh, you going down?

This is the first floor.

Cool, let's all go up.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Oh, by the way,
this is my fiancee.

Sandy.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Most people like to stand
and watch the numbers go by.

I like to face people. It
really freaks them out.

Oh, bummer.

I don't want to hurt feelings,

But there's some real
bad breath in here.

Oh. Never mind. It's me.

Oh, man.

It stopped. We're stuck.

There's a phone right
there. Let's call maintenance.

Carlene, did you see that
picket line downstairs?

They're on strike.

Oh...

♪ Make the world go away

♪ And get it all off my shoulder

♪ Say the things you used to say

♪ And make the world go away ♪

With that beautiful voice,

How'd you end up being a doctor?

That's nothing.

Wait'll you see
these hands work.

It's very nice of you to
get me this snow cone.

Well, it's a slow night,

And I'm officially off-duty.

Besides, I added
it to your billing.

Please don't go.

I don't think I can
stand to be alone.

Should I call somebody?

No.

Um...

This is really embarrassing.

I'm falling apart here.

Really, this is nothing
at all like the way I am.

I'm usually...

Very together.

In fact, I am known
for my cool and...

Competent composure
under fire, really.

You can imagine how
formidable I can be.

Some of my friends even
call me the terminator.

That doesn't surprise me a bit.

It's... Written all over you.

It's just that I'm not ready

To stop being a woman.

Mber...

The day I became one,
like it was yesterday.

I'll never forget.

It was just two days before
my first junior high dance.

I felt so grown-up in
that pink taffeta dress.

Rudy mae, the lady
who worked for us,

Made it for me.

Every scallop in this skirt

Was gathered with a
real live white gardenia.

Pretty big stuff
for junior high.

You were way out of my league.

And then, the night
before I got married,

My grandmother came
into the room, sat down,

And said, "listen, lolly"...

That was what she'd call me...

She said, "from now on...

"He's only going to
want one thing from you,

And... You're not
going to like it."

And then, the next night,

I found out that my grandmother
didn't know everything.

Over the next years,

I found out that my
grandmother didn't know anything.

Poor grandpa.

And then I remember
being pregnant.

I knew payne was a boy

Almost from the
night he was conceived,

Which, incidentally,

Was in the tiniest room

In the ritz hotel in paris.

The room was just
big enough for the bed,

Which was covered with a
beautiful brocade spread.

The fatter I got,
the better I liked it.

It was as if my womanliness

Kept growing right
along with that baby.

I... I don't like
to brag, but...

When I walked down the street...

I felt gorgeous.

And then, when he was born,

I laid him on my chest,

And he reached out
with his little hand...

And touched my face

Just like, "I've been
waiting for this."

Oh...

It took my breath away.

I feel I have to warn
you that anything you say

Can and will be used in a song.

You know, you are very sweet.

I don't know why you're
being so nice to me,

But it's never a good sign
when a southern woman

Has to rely on the
kindness of strangers.

Can't they hear us yelling?

Apparently not.

Anyway, people are always

Screaming and
hollering in hospitals.

Allison, that bladder is
really wearing on you, isn't it?

No.

I'm glad I took
care of my business

Before getting on this thing.

Thank goodness for my mama.

She always said,
"go when you can.

'Cause later on you
might not have the chance."

I saw the poseidon adventure.

The ship flipped over,

And all the people
got trapped inside.

I saw that. I'll
never understand

How shelly winters got her
butt through that porthole.

I just came from the governor.

You got yourself a reprieve.

What do you mean?

I've decided not
to do the surgery.

Are you sure?

Yeah. I'll talk to
dr. Atkins in the morning.

But all tonight's tests indicate

That everything can be controlled
without any invasive procedure.

What does that mean?

That means, for now,

You can keep
everything you've got,

But I would like to keep
you under observation.

You mean in the hospital?

No, socially will be fine.

Actually, I think you should
get yourself a new surgeon

Should this problem arise again

Because saying my objectivity's
been blown all to hell

Doesn't even begin to cover it.

Oh... Oh.

Gee, I was just beginning
to get used to the idea

Of being operated on.

Hey, let's just take
out your appendix.

You're here. I'm free.

Can I really go home
tomorrow morning?

You can.

Oh, I feel like
going to disneyland.

Well, we can start by
riding in the elevators.

You know, doctor,

I've said things to you tonight

That I haven't said
to anybody for years,

And now that I'm not
going to die tomorrow,

I'm kind of embarrassed.

I don't know
whether to marry you

Or never see you again.

Why don't we find some middle
ground down in the kitchen?

O- .

Bingo!

No, I don't believe that.

It's right there, man. Bingo.

Give him something
from my purse, vanna.

How about a murine
earwax removal system?

Oh, bummer.

Hey, adam, you better be glad

You didn't get a
box of bladder pads.

Those are a prize?

Well, they can be.

Give me one of those cards.

I'm sorry.

All the other
refrigerators are locked.

No, please. I love jell-o.

Well, it is kind of
the house specialty.

So, dr. Hacker,

What do you do on your days off?

I have a daughter in
college here in atlanta.

I have a single-engine cessna

That I fly every now and again.

I spend all my other time
with my wife's divorce lawyer.

I'm sorry, I guess.

He's a good guy.

He thinks I should date again.

Ahem. Well,

I... Well, I'd love to
see you again, too.

I guess it's a little
bit embarrassing.

Well, actually, it's
a lot embarrassing.

I mean, the thing is
that, uh, you've already...

Seen me.

I know. I'm sorry about that.

I just have to ask.

When you see so much
of people during the day,

How do you ever get
interested in anybody?

Well, it's... It's
a funny thing.

In medical school, you're just
inundated with the human body.

There's charts and
graphs and cadavers

Until you think you
never want to see

The human body again,

And you start to view it

As if it were a map
you have to navigate,

And sometimes,

It seems everybody
walking around is...

Is just a map and nothing more,

And then, someone
like you comes along,

And you go, "wow,
the human body."

You're a k*ller.

You're younger
than me, aren't you?

Don't answer that.

Is it against the rules

To dance in the
hospital kitchen?

As a matter of fact, that's
what they're striking over...

The right to dance.

[music plays]

Oh, boy, are you
going to be trouble.

"To the idiots who
own this hospital,

"When you open
this tomb of death...

"You'd better hope I'm
not one of the survivors

"For I will hound you like a dog

Until your dying day."

That's very nice, allison.

It has a nice ring to it.

I can't stop thinking
about poor julia,

Worried she's not going
to be a woman anymore.

[Bang]

We're moving! Oh!

Hey, cool!

Yes, yes, yes!

You saved me, stuff.

Bernice, I didn't do anything.

Oh, just shut up and
play along with it.

Come on, let's go.

Julia?

She still looks
like a woman to me.

Unless she's the
one with the beard.

Captioning performed by the
national captioning institute, inc.

♪ Make the world go away

♪ And get it all off my shoulder

♪ Say the things you used to say

♪ And make the world go away ♪