07x06 - Put It On

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

The Knicks grab the rebound.
Bill Cartwright passes off to
Tom "The b*mb" Willis.

"The b*mb" races down
the court.

Bunka, bunka, bunka,
bunka, bunka, bunka

bunka, bunka, bunka,
bunka, bunka,
bunka, bunka.

Bunka.

Uh oh,
Helen "Magic" Willis
tries to steal the ball,

but "The b*mb"
humiliates her with a fake.

Spins around, he
sees an opening
and sh**t.

Two points! The
crowd leaps to its feet!

So do the paramedics.

Hey, Willis, you think
you're hot stuff?
Throw me the ball.

Athunka, thunka,
thunka. Boom.

And the ball comes
to George
"The Streak" Jefferson.

He fakes
it out. Uh,

oops,
a slam dunk.

Hey!

I broke
another backboard.

Well, nice move "Streak".

You know, George,
you'd be a star

if they allowed
sofas on the court.

Oh, George, I really
wanna thank you for
inviting me to the,

uh, basketball game.

Hey, what are friends for?

Besides, I'm taking
along a new client,

and you and him
have a lot in common.

Oh, really. What?
You're both white.

Is something wrong?

Oh, no, it's Florence. I
thought it was the Bride
of Frankenstein.

Well, at least I ain't
the "Terror of Tiny Town".

Oh, get that,
will ya?
Me?

My nails are wet.

Weezy, make a note.
Tomorrow we hire
a new maid.

Thanks. I could use some
help around here.

Hello.
Hello, everybody.

Hi. Hi. Hey, ma.

So, what're we girls
gonna do tonight?

Oh, well, I feel like
doing something exciting.

Hey, listen, you know, I
don't feel much like sitting
around either.

I wish we could
go someplace.

Oh, but there's one
little thing standing
in our way.

Oh, no, there ain't.
Mr. Jefferson is just leaving.

No, Florence. I mean, we
have to look after Jessica.

Oh, well, Jenny,
I'm not gonna leave
the apartment tonight.

Oh, the people of
New York thank you.

So, if you and your
Mama and Mrs. Jefferson
want to go out,

I'll watch the baby.
Oh, thank you,
Florence.

Oh, I have
a great idea.

We can all go to
the game together.

That's a terrible idea.
Going to basketball
games is man stuff.

So, why don't you all
just stay here and do
some woman stuff?

Woman stuff, George?
You mean like
baking some cookies?

Yeah. And if you make
some chocolate chip,
hold back the nuts.

Or maybe we can knit
some baby booties.

Yeah, see, now that's a
good idea.

Oh, hey, listen, I know
what we can do. Let's
go to Bumpers.

Hey, good idea. You go
to Bumpers,
we'll see you later.

What's Bumpers?

Oh, it's a club where
they have male strippers.

Oh.
Have a good time.

GEORGE: Male strippers?

You gotta be kiddin'!

No, I'm not kiddin',
Mr. Jefferson.

Some friends of mine,
they went last night
and they loved it.

Lord have mercy.

I don't believe this!
Male strippers!

Why would your friends
want to go into a
place like that?

Because they got tired of
peaking in the window.

That's terrible.

Oh, now what is
wrong with women
watching men strip?

I'll tell you what's wrong
with it. It ain't natural.

George, you think it's
natural for men to
watch women strip?

Of course it is. Women
are supposed to strip

and men are supposed
to drink beer and watch.

Oh, really? How would
you know?

Well...
Well, when I was in the Navy,

a bunch of guys went and
they made me go along.

They made you?

Weezy, w*r is hell.

I would like to go
to Bumpers.

Who knows, it could
be a lot of fun.

Fun? Watching men get
undressed ain't no fun.
It's disgusting.

Being married to Willis you
should know that
better than anybody.

Oh, now come on.
Mr. Jefferson,
we're just curious.

Yeah, Pop. It's okay.

See, women just go
there to have a
good time, that's all.

A, a good time, huh?

Okay, how would you like
it if Jessica went
to a place like that?

Oh, wow, I guess I'd
be pretty upset.

Next time Jessica asks
to borrow the car keys,

you better find out where
she's going.

Hey, wait. This ain't funny.

George, you're making
a big deal over nothing.

It is a big deal.

Look, if God wanted men
to be strippers,

he wouldn't have put
hair on their legs.

What?
Look, face it, Weezy,
it's wrong.

Yes, it's wrong,
wrong, wrong.

Florence, why are
you so upset?

Because for the first time
in my life I'm agreeing
with him.

Look, nobody in their right
mind wants to sit around

and watch guys running
around in their shorts.

Right. Come on, let's go
to the basketball game.

Yeah.

And I say we all
go to Bumpers tonight.
Are you with us, Louise?

No, she isn't.

I believe Helen asked me,
not you.

Well, I'm just saving you
the trouble of answering.

Louise is perfectly capable of
speaking for herself.

Louise?

Look, Louise, I forbid
you to go to that strip
joint. Understand?

Well...
Good. Case closed.

Look, Louise, I know
George is your husband
and you love him,

but it infuriates me when
a man won't let his
wife speak her own mind.

Well...
That's right,
Mrs. Jefferson.

He didn't even let
you get a word in.

Well, I can...
It's disgraceful.

This isn't the
middle-ages, is it?

Well, I...
That's right, Ma.

I mean, it's only common
courtesy to let
someone speak

when they want to.

Can I say something?

Sure, Louise. Speak out.

Well, I don't really want
to go to Bumper's.

No wonder George
doesn't let you talk.

I just don't want to
see men strip.

Well, good for you,
Ms. Jefferson.

Louise, this has nothing to
do with watching men strip.

It doesn't?
No.

Look, didn't it make
you mad when George
forbade you to go?

Of course it did.

Then show him that he
can't order you around.

Go to the show.

But I won't
like it there.
Oh!

Oh, but you see,
that's not the point.

There's a principle
involved here. Mr. Jefferson,

he shouldn't be
telling you where you can
and you can't go.

That's true.

He treated you like he
owned you!

He did, didn't he?

You can't let him get
away with that.

You're right! How dare he
forbid me to do anything?

So what do ya say?
You coming with us?

Wild horses couldn't
stop me!

Let's go.
Yes, indeed.

Oh, listen.
Please don't go.

I mean, that's no place
for decent women.

Florence, Helen and
Jenny are absolutely right.

I can't let George
order me around.

And I'm gonna show him
once and for all that
I'm not afraid of him.

And if George gets
home before I do.

Yes?

Don't tell him
where I went.

Aw, too bad. The place
is full. Let's go home.

Oh, look, there's a table.
Come on.

Great. We got the best
seats in the house.

Oh, well, I think that's
a better table over there

in the corner,
where it's dark
behind that palm plant.

Oh, oh, look, Louise.
It's amateur night.

Amateur night?
We are paying
good money.

We should be seeing
professionals.
Let's go home.

Oh, relax.

Now relax,
Mrs. Jefferson.
Loosen up.

Yeah. C'mon, Louise.
Get into the spirit of things.

Take it off!

Ma, you're supposed
wait until
the show starts.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

Me, too. Let's go home.

Can I get you
ladies anything?

Yes. Um, may I have
a glass of Chablis?

I'll have the same, please.

Two. All right. How about
you, ma'am?

Uh, oh, uh, oh, I'll,
uh, take,

uh, a skin
and tonic.

I'm sorry.

I meant, I'll take a
sin and tonic.

Uh, make it a bloody Mary.

Okay.

Let me guess.
This is your, uh,
first time here. Right?

Uh, right. I'm not a
regular or anything.

Oh, no, no...

Uh, my husband made me
come here.

Well... Actually,

he told
me not to come here.

Well, in fact, he didn't
want me to come here
and that's why I'm here.

Make that two
bloody Marys.

You got it.

You handled
that well, Louise.

Hey, honey.
Yes?

Did you check out the
body on that
hunk of beef?

Hello, ladies,
are you ready?

Hi, Jessica.

Now this here is
Sweet Florence Johnston.

Yay!

And this here is
mean George Jefferson.

Boo!

Now, in case you get
'em mixed up,

mean George is the one
with the hole in his head.

Now, one day,
mean George came
home from work,

walking his walk.

And he started yelling
at Sweet Florence.

Where's my
dinner? When's the last time
you cleaned this place?

I only have
two hands.

Well,
try using them.

Oh, Mr.
Jefferson, isn't that
a nickel over there?

Where?
There.

First the body stops
working, then the brain
goes on strike.

Mr. Jefferson, what you
doing back so soon?

Well, we heard
about the puppet show,
we wanted to catch it.

Oh, uh, Mr. Jefferson,

don't you wanna know
where your wife is?

Where is she?
I can't tell you.

Why not?

Mrs. Jefferson
made me promise.

Can you tell me?
I thought you'd
never ask.

They're over at
that Bumper place
looking at naked men.

They went to Bumpers?

Excuse me.
That's right, Lionel.

They went to Bumpers.

And remember, I told you,
not Mr. Jefferson.

I don't believe this.
I told Weezy that place
was off limits to her.

Yeah. I'd ground
her if I was you.

Look, I ain't kiddin'.

I'm going down there
and drag my wife
out of there.

And if you had any sense,
you'd do the same thing.

Okay, but only if we
stop and pick up some

tar and feathers on
the way.

Pop, count me out, huh?

Huh, some husband you are.
You let your wife do
whatever she wants.

Come on, Willis,
it's just you and me.

Oh, I'm sorry, George,
but it's just you.

Helen has the right
to go where she pleases.
I trust her.

This has nothing to do
with trust.

It has to do
with marriage.
What?

Look, Willis, your wife is
down there spending

the night watching
good looking men take
their clothes off.

So?
So?

What's gonna happen when
she comes home and
compares those men to you?

Let's go!

Burn baby burn

Burn baby burn

Burn baby burn

Burn baby burn

To my surprise

One hundred stories high

People getting loose y'all

Getting down on the roof

Folks are screaming,

Out of control

It was so entertaining

When the boogie
started to explode

Can you believe how silly
these women are acting?

Yeah, aren't they ridiculous?

Burn baby burn

Disco inferno
Burn baby burn

Burn that mother down

Satisfaction

Came in a chain reaction

I couldn't get enough

So I had to self-destruct

The heat was on

Rising to the top

Everybody going strong

And that is when
my spark got hot

Okay, ladies, now we'll
take a short break to give
you time to cool off.

Oh, there they are, Willis.
Let's get 'em.

They sure look like they're
having a good time.

Yeah, well, we'll put an
end to that.

Ma, you were great.

Well, I was a little
embarrassed,

but I must admit it
was a lot of fun.

Well, now that we've
had our fun, can I
please go home?

Okay, c'mon, Weezy.
The orgy's over.

George!
Tom!

Come on.
We're going home.

You too, Helen.
Let's go.

Tom, I'm not going anywhere.

All right, dear.

Well, maybe you're
not, but she is.
George.

Look, Weezy,
I told you not
to come here.

You disobeyed me,
now you're leaving.
C'mon.

Get this through
your head, George.

I don't take orders
from you.

Mr. Jefferson...

Mr. Jefferson,
you are causing a scene.

Hey.

Beat it, you two.
This club is
for women only.

Oh, yeah, why
are you here?

Look, I want you outta
here, shrimp.

And take the blimp
with you.

I'm staying and so is
the blimp.

You wanna stand up and
say that?

George, she has a tattoo.

Look, Willis,
you can take her.

Just pretend she's
between you
and a hot meal.

Go home, George.

Yeah, I'm going home and
you're coming with me.

Is that an order?
You're damn right it is!

George?
Yeah?

Stick it in a blender
and grind it.

You heard the lady.

It's a good thing
we're leaving.

'Cause you wouldn't
wanna see me
when I get ugly.

You mean it gets worse?

Well, George,
at least we tried.

Tried?
Trying ain't good enough!

I want my wife out
of here!

Well, I want my wife
out of here, too.

But I'm not gonna drag
her out.

Hey, hey, wait a minute.

What about if she drags
you out?

What?

Look, Willis,
it's Amateur Night.

That means you and
me can get
up on stage

and strut our stuff.

Are you crazy, George?
My stuff is not struttable.

I'm not stripping.

Listen, Willis...
No, no, no.

You listen to
me. I'm a publisher.

I deliberately chose
that career so I could
keep my clothes on.

We don't have to strip.
See, that's the beauty of
my plan.

As soon as we unbutton the
first button,

our wives will be up there
begging us to stop

and promising they'll never
come back here again.

Do you really
think it'll work?

Trust me. C'mon.

Louise, I'm proud
of the way you
stood up to George.

Yeah, you were wonderful.

Thank you. Let's go home.

What?

Well, I didn't wanna leave
with George.

But I'm just not
comfortable here.

Oh, well, if you really
wanna go,
it's okay with me.

Me, too.

Anyway,
I don't think anyone
could top Cowboy Carl.

Ladies, your attention please.

Have you enjoyed
your beefcake so far?

Well, it ain't over yet.

Bumpers is about to
double your pleasure
and double your fun.

So let's give a double
barreled round of applause
for a really dynamic duo.

Tom Terrific and
Gorgeous George!

What are our wives doing?

I can't tell. Those lights
are in my eyes.
I can't see.

C'mon.

Somebody should turn a
hose on these women.

Take it off.
Show us what you got!

Why aren't our
wives stopping us?

'Cause they're
calling our bluff.

Just show them we mean
business.

Watch this.

George, it's not working.
Why haven't they stopped us?
How far should we go?

I'm willing to go as
far as I have to.

Drop your pants, Willis.

No way, George. After all,
I have my dignity.

Okay, yellowbelly.
I guess that means
it's up to me.

Don't worry, Louise, I'll get
your bag. You just keep
reading your palm.

Let's hurry, Helen.
Jenny can't hold
that cab forever.

Louise, look!

I don't wanna look.

Neither do I. But look!

My, God! That's George!
And Tom!

Down in front!

Tom, what in the name
of heaven made you do
something like that?

Well, I, I guess I...
I thought maybe if you, uh,

saw these guys
taking their clothes off,

you might see
someone you
like better than me.

But where in the world
did you get a crazy
idea like that?

Oh. Tom,

Tom, you don't have
anything to worry about.

There's nobody
better than you.

Thank you, Helen.

Boy, he'll believe anything.

George, what on earth
possessed you to
pull a crazy trick like this?

Look, Weezy, I just did
it to prove a point.

What point?
That I married a jackass?

Look, you said you wanted
to see men strip, right?

I never said that.

Then what're you doing here?

I only came because you
ordered me not to.

I didn't even want
to come here.

Then why didn't you
just say so?

I never had a chance.
You wouldn't discuss
it with me.

We did discuss it.

Jenny said she wanted
to bring you here and
I said absolutely not.

George, there was
someone missing from
that conversation,

me.

I thought our marriage
was a partnership.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

Then don't you think it's
wrong for one of us

to tell the other
what they can or
cannot do?

Yeah, Weezy, I'm sorry.

Thank you, George.

But I don't see why
you wanna come
here anyway.

I mean, ain't
nothin' here gonna compare
to what you got at home.

MC: And now, let's have a
warm welcome for our next
performer,

Gentleman Johnny.

Excuse me, sweetheart.

Uh, you know, George, uh,
you look a little tired.

Why don't
you go on and I'll
meet you later...

Home, Weezy, now!