07x21 - Poor Relations

[bunniefuu]

♪ In the heat of the night

♪ I've got troubles
wall to wall ♪

♪ In the heat of the night

♪ Yeah

♪ Must be an ending
to it all ♪

♪ Oh

♪ But hold on

♪ It won't be long

♪ Just you be strong

♪ And it'll be all right

♪ In the heat of the night

♪ In the heat
of the night ♪

Parker, you going
to church?

Yes, ma'am,
miss yohay, I am.

I didn't have to work
too late last night.

The lord don't
mind you yawning
in his house

Just as long
as you get there.

I went to early church,
myself.

That's real nice,
miss yohay.

You ought to
make it a habit.

You sound
just like penny.

That girl's got
good sense.

You ought to
marry her.

Anything else
I should do, miss yohay?

Yes. Respect
your elders.

I'm trying.

Well, you do that.

They just took
what they could grab.

Good stuff's
still in there.

Should we go
for prints?

It's a store.
There'll be thousands
of prints.

Stay with mr. Fletcher
till his window's
boarded up.

Maybe we should
help him do it.

Sure would like
to get home to see
the game.

Go on and help him.

Let me have the chief.

[Telephone ringing]

Excuse me, jan.
Forbes here.

That jewelry robbery
was just smalltime stuff.

Just smash and grab.

Owner get there yet?

He's here.
He's pretty calm.

He's also insured.

I'm going on
into church.

I'll see you later.

- .

[Backfire]

[Jiggling doorknob]

I'm going to have to
persuade that door
a little bit.

This ought to do the trick.

All right,
my ducky, dear.
Come on in.

Come on in, roda.

Come on now.

We got to
unload this truck,
get unpacked,

Take a bath.

We've been bouncing
up and down
on that road

For many hours now,

Eating the fumes
of the highway.

Come on now.

Come open the door, roy.

I am tired, roda.

I want to be treated
like a lady

Befitting this
beautiful place.

Oh, well,
all right then.

My dear duchess,

Could you
descend now

From your carriage?

I've always depended
on the kindness
of strangers.

What stranger? You
couldn't mean me.

I don't mean you.

I just remembered
a beautiful line

From a movie so sad

I don't want to
see it anymore.

Now you carry me
through the door.

Well, hon,
that's not possible.

The two of us
won't fit through
that door.

Why? It's just
a regular door.

But our behinds
ain't regular.

Come on, let's go.
Let's go get it.

Oh, my god.

We got a burglary
in progress

On the west side of town

In the ranchland estates
development.

Mrs. Yohay at
ranchland estates road

Heard g*nf*re
and witnessed a break-in.

The perpetrator's described
as a white male

About .

[Luann]
ranchland estates?
I'm looking at it.

I repeat--
the suspect is armed.

We got it.

I hate walking
into service late.

What's everybody
going to think?

That we stayed
in bed too long.

We weren't
in the same bed.

That's not my fault.

You're working all
hours of the night.

I'm a cop. All right?

Being sunday, you
ought to get there
in minutes.

That's nice.
Let me review this.

I go out here, turn left,

Go about miles.

I think you said
five traffic lights.

Well, what brings
you here?

You forgot your lunch
mona made up for you.

Oh, so I did.

How nice of you
to drop it by.

It's what you're
supposed to eat.

I thought you just
couldn't stand
being away from me.

I can't, but I want you
to be healthy, too.

Oh, good.

Bye.

Do you happen to have
a deputy william parker

On the force here?

No, sir. We don't.

Who owns the brown chevy
with the florida plate?

I do, young lady.

It's missing
a current sticker.

Oh... Merely forgot
to replace it.

We have
a william pankhurst,

And there's
a sergeant
parker williams

With the sparta
police department.

No, no, no. Wrong names.
Wrong names.

I want to thank you
so much

For being so kind
to me.

Goodbye.

Is she pointing
at parker's house?

It looks like it.

Well, look at that.

Looks more like
a move-in than
a break-in.

It sure does.

Oh, hi. Y'all must be
looking for parker.

Is he here?

No, he's not.
I don't know where he is,

But I'm sure
he'll be back soon.

And who might
you be?

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to be rude.

I'm roda lamoyne.

Parker's stepdaddy roy
and me,

We just got in from florida.

Come to visit parker
for a bit.

Well, welcome, welcome.
How y'all doing?

Let me go in there
and fix you a drink.

Come on. Let me.

I'm roy eversole.

I'm parker williams'
stepdaddy.

This is a pleasure to
make your acquaintance.

Gee, the two of you
look like such nice kids.

I can't imagine you
b*ating anybody up.

Excuse me.

We got
some more stuff there.

Well, this is fun.

Why don't you come in
and have some lemonade?

We got a report
of g*nf*re

And breaking and entering.

It's possible.

For all we know,

m*rder and robbery
might be happening
right this minute

In one of these
peaceful little homes.

Roy's right.
Some innocent person

Could just be lying
on the floor

In a pool of blood

In some
of those parlors.

That lock right
there looks broken,

That one
on parker's door.

That's because
I forgot my key.

Parker himself
give me that key.

You don't believe me,

You just ask him
when he gets home.

That's right.
As you can see,

We are adding
to the household,
not subtracting.

Well, luke, you
keep them company.

I'm going to
call this in.

Dispatch, this is corbin
at ranchland estates.

It's parker's house.

Parker's daddy is here.

He says it's okay to
be here.

Here comes parker now.
I'll call you back.

O.k., I copy.

Luann, what's going on?

You got company.

Company?

Roy.

Parker, son...

It is sure good
to see you, boy.

You rascal,
I've been wanting

To see you
for months.

Son,
I want you to meet
my sweetheart.

How do you do?

Just a pleasure,
a real pleasure.

Parker, who are
these people,

And what
are they doing
in your house?

Uh...

Who are you?

I'm penny.

Penny.

Oh, lord, help me.

Are they
your people?

Are they?

Parker williams,

Are these
funny-looking
people yours?

Is this kid Ret*rded,

Or is it that
she ain't got no charm?

Parker williams.

Huh?

I want to talk to you.

Uh-huh. Uh...

Yes, operator.
This is a collect call.

Honey,
hold your horses.

No, the number I gave you

Is under the name vollen,
mine,

And the gentleman who will
be responding to the call

Will be a mr. Merdyer.

Would you hold
the phone?

Yes. Thank you very much.

But, honey, it
didn't mean nothing.

No, honey.

No, I do not think
I'm vince gill

Or any other body,
neither.

I'm just me.

Now, honey,
it's going to
be night,

And I don't wanna be

Sleeping
in the truck

With the dog.

Oh, bitsy.
I'm glad I got you.

Now, listen. I found
the objet d'art.

Yes.

And roy's son
is really a cop.

Now, I'm no good with cops,

So you got to
come up here now

Because there might be
some k*lling to do.

I said I wouldn't
see her no more.

Never...

Unless she brings
me into court.

No, I won't
see her sister,
neither.

Bitsy, bitsy,
k*lling is in your field,

Your line, not mine.

Now you get up here
right away.

I heard the bad news,
parker,

And I'm terribly,
terribly sorry.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Now, I'm real
ashamed of roy

For breaking
his promise to you.

What did he promise you?

To stay down there
in florida

In exchange for
a one-way ticket
down there.

For an indefinite
amount of time.

It was forever,
as I recall,

Wasn't it, parker?

Yes, sir. Forever.

Listen, chief.
I'm out of here.

Parker, hang in there,
all right?

What do you say we grab
some dinner tonight?

Well, i...
See you, bill.

Yes.

You might be able
to cheer yourself up

If you meditate
a little on job?

Job?

Yeah, the book of job.

Job.

Parker, you gotta be
straight out

With roy and roda.

Tell them
you don't want them.

Dee, you know me.

You know I can't
tell that to people.

You know
the worst thing?

What?

Roy and roda took
my bed away from me.

I thought penny
was going to move in?

Right now
she wants to
dump me.

We don't have
any privacy.

My bathroom's
got stockings
and brassieres

And hair rollers
and all kinds
of unmentionables

Hanging everywhere.

Penny went in there,

And she
couldn't even find
the sit-down.

Roy, I got to talk
to you.

Now--

Parker, it sure is
peaceful here.

One of the most peaceful
little pieces of nowhere

I ever did see.

Just awful, awful nice.

You know,
when I was a girl,

I'd have gone nuts here,

But now that I'm older,

I think I can take it.

That's how nice it is.

Thank you, I think.

Wasn't that peaceful,
that place where we was.

Oh, I thought
florida was fairly--

Oh, well, one or two
of those spots

Are real refined,
like miami,

But most of them places
down there,

We might as well be
on the mexican border.

Yeah, the mexican side
of it.

Can you imagine us
in a trailer park?

Yes, ma'am.

You got a trailer
right outside.

Son, that is ship to shore,

Temporary mooring,

A stop along the way,

Any port in the storm.

I got the point,
roy.

We was just doing
the best we could.

Roda there
loved to eat outdoors.

She even tried to picnic

In a hurricane once.

[Roda] i...i like to imagine
I'm dorothy lamour.

[Roy] we were dining out
underneath the palms,

And our neighbor next door
oscar vollen

Waved hello to us.

They seemed like
mighty fine gentlemen.

In fact,
they invited me over

For a friendly game
of poker.

Son,
don't jump to conclusions.

My luck had changed.

Seemed it was like
all over again for me.

I cannot lose
at the poker table.

So I went over there
a little later.

The cards are coming,
and the stakes
are getting higher,

And hand after hand
is coming to me,

And I wiped them out!

I scooped
all my winnings up,

And I rushed back home
to my ducky dear,

But we should have weighed
anchor that evening.

Them lowdown hooligans,

They att*cked us while
we were sleeping peacefully,

And they made off
with the loot,
but not without a fight.

[Roda] I saw that oscar vollen
take the money.

Roy was just
laid out cold.

[Roy] I was playing possum,
semi-cold.

[Roda] you were solid cold,
honey.

[Roy] well, anyway,
they took that money

The next day out
to the race track

And blew it,

But I got my own back.

[Roda] you got nothing back.

[Roy] I got satisfaction.

[Roda] I got sick.

The value
of what I commandeered

Can be calculated

Only in the currency

Of personal pride.

You got a bunch of junk

Is what you got. Junk.

Honey, we got
what we could.

This was not the home
of the rich and famous.

[Roda] well, why did we have to
take that old tv with us,

Just drag it along here
all the way?

And then we had to take
that painting.

That painting
was just awful.

It's, like,
a bunch of birds
and a lonely old barn.

Just made me cry.

Reminded me of where
I grew up
when I was little.

The painting is not
for you anyway.

[Doorbell rings]

That's probably for you,
parker.

Well, roy eversole,

I can't believe
that's really you.

Why not?

Because roy gave me his word
that I would never
see him in sparta again.

Well, why would he
do that?

To avoid a sojourn
in my jail

And to earn himself

A free, one-way ticket
to orlando.

Orlando?

That's where you had
the girlfriend?

That's shocking.

Gillespie, I'm sure
you come here to see
my son.

We ought to save
this gift-giving
till later.

We going to
give it now.

We ought to save it
till later.

Just trust me.

Roda,
what are you doing?

I'm making room
for your surprise.

It's getting so I don't
like surprises anymore.

You going to
love this one.

But that picture
of custer's last stand,

That's
my favorite picture
in the whole world.

It's famous, I think.

It is?

I'm sure I've seen it
on a calendar.

Who's she?

I'm penny.penny.

I meant the mexican.

That's
christina surillo.

She's a deputy
who works for
sheriff gillespie.

We heard you had
a mexican girlfriend,
gillespie.

Roy, just shush.

Well,
somebody colored anyway.

God.

Let me ask you.
Where did you all get
that picture up there?

Got that in satisfaction
of a debt.

Parker, you can get
prettier than that
at walmart.

I wish harriet were
here to look at that

Because I think
that might be

A genuine old
oil painting.

I want
my picture of
custer's last stand

Back on my wall.

I don't blame you,
parker.

Roy, let's give it
to a school.

Schools will take
anything.

No. I want it.

I want to hold it
a little while.

You got no right to that.

[Speaking spanish]

I just want to hold it

In satisfaction of
a debt that's owed me.

I'm puerto rican.

Good afternoon,
lieutenant.

I'm victor dufoxe.

Come on in.

I'm
lonnie jamison.

Pleasure.

Chief's expecting
you.

But you--[knock on door]

Come on in.

Hey!

Victor!

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Man, it's good
to see you.

Same here, hamp.

This is miss harriet delong
from sparta city council,

Our art historian pro tem.

Pleased to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

Come on, man,
sit down.

Oh, thanks.

Victor's here
because of a theft

At a miami museum.

One great painting gone
and one curator dead.

Oh, are you
miami police?

No, I'm with
an insurance company.

We insure great art.

Naturally, we go looking
for it when it's missing.

Victor and I
met in memphis

When a certain
southern gentleman
of untold wealth

Was robbed
of a masterpiece.

You mean
a painting.

No.

A chamber pot.

You mean
a pot that--

For under the bed.

Exactly.

Crafted in english silver
in by paul revere,

But now, I am indeed
after a painting.

Who's
the artist?

Vincent van golem.

Whoa.

Well, I get people
bringing paintings
to me all the time

Thinking they might
have something
of value,

But I'd know
if I'd seen
a van golem.

Now, why here,
victor?

This is no place
to dispose of stolen art.

You never know.

I've been on the trail
of one bitsy merdyer.

Got reason to believe
that he's here in sparta.

You got a picture
of him?

Yeah. Sure.

Now, we believe the curator
of a museum

Was involved
in the theft.

He got blown away
by bitsy.

I tapped bitsy's phone
in florida,

Picked up a call
from a man in sparta.

I believe he might
be bitsy's partner.

Oscar vollen.

Trying to peddle
a painting here?

Yeah, but who
would put

A stolen masterpiece
on the wall?

Well, there are
such people

Keeping
priceless paintings

On the walls
of locked rooms.

Well, I'll make
a copy
and put it out.

All right,
lieutenant.

What happened
with the chamber pot?

Ha ha ha ha!

Could you help me move
this couch a smidge

So I can put
my little antique table
here?

That that broken-down
bridge table
was an antique?

I say it's
an antique.

I've been dragging
it around

From pillar to post
for years.

That makes it
an antique.

You're going to make
yourself
an antique

If you keep screwing
up your face
like a prune.

Roda, the look
on my face

Depends on what
I'm looking at,

Which, at the moment,
isn't too inspirational.

Ha ha ha!

Well, are you going
to help me
with this couch,

Or do I bust a gut?

I'll move it.
Where to?

Why, thank you,
officer. Thank you.

Just move it
a little bit,
just a smidge

Toward
that end table.

Yes, ma'am.

Now wait a minute.

Parker does not
want that there.

You're acting like
you're fixing to move in.

Well,
we are moved in.

What I'm fixing
is the layout.

Yeah, that's
about right.

Why, that's
just perfect.
Thank you.

Oh, now what we need
is a fire.

Why don't you go
get us firewood,
prune face?

Oh!

Is the firewood
out there?

No, ma'am.
Firewood's in that box
right there.

What's out there?

Just the front door.

Did I say something?

I don't know, ma'am.
I was just helping
you move your sofa.

Listen, is roy about?

Uh, not at the moment.
Why?

I just wanted
to run some names
by him--

Oscar vollen,
bernard bitsy merdyer.

Sound familiar?

Nope.

Well, where is roy?

Oh, he's at
choir practice.

I'll raise
just a little bit.

Just a little bit.
Five bluies.

Coming 'round.

Ha ha ha!

You guys want in,
you'll have to change
to regular clothes.

Why? He's cute
the way he is.

Hello, folks.

My stepson's one
of y'all.

Parker williams.

Yes, sir.
Parker's a sergeant.

Well, how much
a sergeant make,
sugar baby?

With time.

Now hon, don't go revealing
my son's personal secrets
there.

It's all public,
sir.

This is ridiculous.

Mr. Eversole,
parker's outside,

And he wants
to see you.

Well, let me finish
this hand.

I got kings on deck,

I want to finish it.
Say five--

Uh, don't
mention money.

No.
Five little redies.

Five redies.

Well, isn't
that fortunate?

Uh, you ain't
leaving town,
is you?

No, I'm staying
right here.

I'm retiring
on my stock folio.

This is one
sweet town.

All my loved ones
are here.

And they're all
worried about you,
roy. Let's go.

Count this out
for me.

Let me see
what's going on.

Thanks, guys.

Roy, you been in town,
what, two minutes?

And you already found
a floating poker game.

Parker, I was
a founding member
of that poker circle.

Roy, I'm a policeman.

I can't have you
running around
doing shady things.

How's that going
to look to people?

Son, people
aren't watching me.
Why should they?

Because you're
a sinner, roy,

And they love
to watch sinners.

Yeah, but they don't
persecute sinners
no more.

No, sir, they
spoil the sinners.

They persecute the relatives.

Now get on home!

O.k.
All right.

Go home, roy.

On my way, parker.

Bye, roy.

Bye, parker.

Is this guy
the sheriff?

Yes.

Why did he take
the picture off
of what's-his-name

And
what's-her-name?

I don't know.

He brings the picture
to his office,

Then he takes it to his
girlfriend's house?

That's his house.

Is he
a crooked sheriff?

Looks that way.
He looks that way.

I can't figure.

The two characters
pass the picture
off us.

They know it's
valuable?

This hayseed cop
takes it off them.

Does he know
it's valuable?

How does he know?

Who knows?

I'm too old a fox
not to know when
I'm being followed.

Bill's right.
There are two men
in a car.

From
the bedroom window,

I couldn't get
a good look,

But I think
they're both white.

Bill, how would
they know that you
have this painting?

Who knows?

They may not be
bitsy and oscar.

But they probably are.

This is what I think
we ought to do.

Let's all go out
somewhere.

Out? Where?

Not far.

First, we got to wrap up
that painting.

Where do you want
to take it?

Nowhere.

Bill, they're
right there.

Why don't we just
call some cops--

I mean, some regular cops
and just grab them?

Because it's important
to catch them

With this painting
in their hands,

Otherwise they could
get off.

I can't let them
touch this painting.

Mr. Dufoxe,

I guarantee
you will not lose
that painting.

Just play along, vic.

I have nothing
but the utmost confidence
in the sheriff.

Thank you, hamp.

Come on, let's wrap
this up.

I'm getting
hungry, oscar.

I never stopped to eat
all the way from florida.

I don't have any food
with me here, bitsy.

One of us could
go get burgers.

Are you kidding?

All right,
pizza.

Let me understand.
One of us takes the car.

No, walks.

One of us walks.

Meanwhile,
someone comes out
of that house

With the painting.

Well, I'll take it
off them.

You take it off them--

A police chief,
a sheriff,

And a tough
insurance d*ck.

All right,
I'll follow them.

You follow them
while i...

Go for the pizza.

If I were a k*ller,

Do you know
what I'd do?

What?

I'd k*ll you.

Look.

There go two of your
big g*ns now.

I can take care
of father tom

And that brown-skinned
broad easy.

Wait. Let's make
a plan first.

We know the painting's
still in there,

But where?

Is it in the closet
or the safe?

Up on a wall, maybe.

Yeah, that would be clever.
But they're not clever.

O.k., You're clever.
What's your call?

We need time to plan.

Let's back off.

Look.

What does this mean?

It means no one's
in that house

Except that painting.
Let's go.

Wait--wait until they
get to the corner.

Come on.

Oh, my, oh, my.

Oh, my.
Oh, my, oh, my.

Oh, my.

This situation stinks.

Stinks? How?

They left it completely
unprotected.

Right.

They've been had.

They waltzed out
and left us
the picture.

Ohh.

They left the bait
right in the middle
of the trap.

And in we came.

We've been had.

Oh, let me think.
Let me think.

Why?

Why would they
have left the
painting with us?

Why?

I'm talking
to myself.

Where are you?

I'm in here.
I'll be right
with you.

Get out of there,
you clown.

I'm hungrier
than a buzzard
in a boneyard.

Want a sandwich?

Why did they leave us
with the painting?

Because they
ain't clever, oscar.
That's all.

They ain't clever.

We're in the back
of .

Nothing happening.
They're
still inside.

If they run in the
direction they're facing,

I'll get behind them.

Who's going to cut
them off in front?

Corbin and everett
are on the corner
of monticello.

Corbin here, chief.

We're in that
position now.

Luann, I'll tell you
when to block
monticello.

All right?

Copy that, chief.

They're coming out
now.

They
got the painting.

Start the car.

Where do we go?

Straight ahead.

The first street,
make a right turn.

It'll lead us
to the motel.

We can't
stay there.

We'll pick up
our car.

Why? It's junk.

It's ours.

So is this if we
say it is.

Go, please. Straight ahead.

I gotta think.

They're headed your way.

All right.
I can see them.

I'm on him.

He's headed
for peasley.

Now, let's
block it.

- , Chief.

Want a bite?

Huh?

Bite?

No, thank you.

Huh, who's that?

What?

Behind us.

It's the cops.
Go faster.

He noticed us.

Oh, man, what
is he doing?

This is crazy.

Look out!
Look out ahead!

Go! Go!

[Forbes]
he cut
to his left.

Let's block
that alley, now.

We're there now,
blocking the alley.

[Vollen]
watch out
for the red car!

Oh, my goodness!
Back up. Back up!

They're backing up
to brown street.

Give me that sandwich.
You can't drive
with a sandwich.

Hey!

Uh-oh.

We're trapped.
We're trapped.

Come on.

[g*nshots]

Ow!

[Crash]

I'm yours, sir.
Absolutely yours.

Unarmed.

Up against
the dumpster.

Yes, sir.

Whoa!

Ooh!

Where's the little crate
with the painting in it?

Excuse me, I thought
violent people
were chasing us.

This guy
was carrying something

When he went behind
this dumpster.

Mr. Vollen,
where's your partner?

Oh, you see,

He--he was awfully,
awfully frightened,
and then...

Here it is, hamp.

Seems like
it's unharmed.

Whatever it is,

I'm very glad
you found it.

You're under arrest
for a number of things.

Being an art thief
is but one.

Art?

Oh, oh,
I know nothing
about art, sir.

I'm in
the linoleum/rug
business, sir.

He don't know nothing
about sh**ting either,

But that's what
he was doing.

He fired
in your direction,
did he?

Turned out to be
a general easterly
direction.

Take him away, please.

Let me tell you--

I know all about
restrictions.

It will not go.

Oh, you're telling me?

I am telling you.

I'm sorry.

A legal piece
of paper.

I've got friends
who have paper.

I don't need paper
from you.

My ex-brother-
in-law's a lawyer.

Excuse me. Where's
the picture?

We going
to get it back?

No, ma'am.

Y'all are not the true
owners of the painting.

We have
to establish that.

I brought
miss harriet delong
to explain it.

She's
on the city council.

Him and her's
a thing.

What?

You know,
together.

Hunting and fishing
without a license.

What?

Mrs. Eversole,
that painting--

No, no. My name
is lamoyne.

Roda.

You can call me
rode.

Rode, that painting
belongs--

I just told parker
inside

If you and roy ain't
out of here by tonight,

He'll never
see me again.

So if I were you,
I'd start repacking
that trailer.

You can't live
in that trailer.

Sheriff here
knows that.

Excuse me,
sheriff,

But I heard
that picture's
worth a lot of money.

If it is
the vincent van golem,

Stolen from miami,

It's worth
about $ million.

Worth million
to who?

To collectors.

To museums.

Where is it?

It's at
police headquarters.

Son, go get it.
I got a financial hook
in that.

What?

I demand custody
of it

Until we auction
it off in public.

I want
a percent commission

To set up a trust
for your kids.

Where's that
little girl

You're going
to have
children with?

She just left him.

Oh, well, she's
not very bright,
parker.

Maybe you're lucky.

Oh, thank you
very much, roy

For ruining my life!

Oh, we saved
your life, darling.

Saved you from
that little harpy.

No! Roda!

Saved you from
that tacky slut.

We don't want
no trailer toads
in this small town.

Who are you calling
a toad, lady?

[Everyone arguing
at once]

I'll start the car,
honk the horn.
Run for it.

[Arguing louder]

[Honk honk]

Now you dropped
your hat. Pick it up.

Listen, look at that.
It's a pickup.

This is my home.

It's a palace
inside.