07x14 - Sorry, Wrong Meeting

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Well, George,
we are on our way
downstairs to our CPR class.

And just in case
you don't know
what CPR means...

I know what it means.
Do I look stupid?

Lord, deliver me
from temptation.

CPR means
cardiopulmonary resuscitation.

Well, hush my mouth, child.

Uh, George sponsored a
CPR class not too long ago
for all his employees.

That's right.
I even took the class myself.

It's real beneficial,
ain't it?

Yeah, it's beneficial!

The insurance company
lowered my group rates.

Well, I'm still glad
you took the class.

CPR is something every
human being should know.

Oh, yeah? Then why is
Florence going along?

Because, if you ever have a
heart attack, I can save you.

GEORGE: Oh...
If the Spirit moves me.

Hello, Florence.
Mrs. J.

Oh, hi, Mr. Bentley.
Sorry, we can't talk.

Oh, laryngitis?

Uh, no, I meant we, uh...

Oh, never mind.

What do you want, Bentley?

Actually, Mr. J, I just
dropped in to return your
TV Guide.I'm done with it.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, wait a minute,
this is last week's
TV Guide.

Yes, I know,
that's why I'm done with it.

Bentley...

I hope a UFO
lands on this planet.

But why?

So you can have
a family reunion.

George, my apartment's been
robbed. The police just left.
What?

Well, Mr. Willis!
Hard cheese!

Look, it's crazy!

They broke in
this morning while
I was showering!

Oh, they got my TV set,
my stereo,

my gold watch,
all my credit cards!

My, you must have been
in the shower for a long time.

There's a lot of him
to clean.

Where was Helen
when all of this happened?

Oh, Helen's up in
Connecticut visiting
her cousin.

I just talked to her,
she's very upset!

George, those hoodlums...
They even stole my shoe trees!

Look, just...
Come on, calm down.

Take it easy.
Sit down, sit down. Relax.

Here, drink this.
Oh...

Well, at least those
burglars won't be
bothering you again.

Why?

Well, they've already got
everything you own.

This is the third burglary
in this building in two weeks!

Well... George,
you could be next!

Oh, don't be silly.
Who'd want to steal Mr. J?

No, I mean he's got a lot of
new furniture in here,
he's got a lot to lose.

Look, if a burglar
comes in here, he's dead!

You have a g*n?

Better. I got Florence
sitting around with
curlers in her hair.

No man can look
at that and live.

Listen, something
has got to be done!

Yes, and perhaps
you can get her to
wear a hair net.

Oh...

Look, I think we should
organize the tenants
and form a security watch.

Other buildings and
neighborhoods are doing it.
Oh, Willis...

You know, my cousin Cyril
once found himself in a
similar situation.

Please don't tell us
about it, Bentley.

You see, cousin Cyril was
living in this exclusive
apartment building in London

and a rash of
burglaries broke out.

Apartments vandalized,
possessions carted away,
the tenants were up in arms.

But they were at
a loss as to what to do

until Cyril finally
took action.

He organized
a building watch?

Uh, no, he moved.

But I happen to like
this building

and I'm going to organize
the tenants to protect it.

Now, are you with me?

Bang on!

George.

What, me go out with you and
somebody that says "Bang on"?
It'll never happen.

But...
Out.

But... But...
But, George, wait a minute!

Look, if you get the other
tenants involved then
come and see me.

All right, but in
the meantime, I'm going
out to buy some locks.

Good idea, Mr. Willis.

And while you're at it,
get me some bagels.

Okay, folks, let's see if we
can put what we just learned
about CPR into practical use.

I'll need a couple
of volunteers.

Okay, uh...

You two.

I thought he'd
never ask.

Did you
remember everything?

I think so. Just tell me
where the heart is.

Now, ladies,
this is Resusci Annie.

Mmm, and I thought
I had a rough day.

Well, she's not supposed
to look good, she's just
experienced cardiac arrest.

Then she's got nothing to
worry about, we'll save her.

Great, Annie will tell you
if you're doing it right.

Now, look, if that dummy
starts talking, I'm leaving.

Oh, well, you see, if you
follow the proper procedure,

that little green
light will go on.

Okay, you ready?

Sure.
Ready.

All right, you're walking
down the street...

It's a beautiful day...

Suddenly, you see Annie
collapsed on the sidewalk.
What do you do?

Uh... Uh...

Quickly.

Uh, call my husband!

No time for that!

Uh... Uh, call you!

Wrong! You try to
wake her up, make sure
she hasn't fainted!

Oh, you know, that reminds
me of one day at
choir practice.

You see,
it was real hot.

And the soprano next to me
all of the sudden went...
Oh.

Well, child, you can
just imagine what...
Move it!

Come on!

Wake up!

Gently!

Gently. We want to
wake her up, not beat her up.

Okay, now you tell
a bystander to
go for help.

Help!

Thank you.

Clear the air passage.

Good.
Check for breathing.

What do you hear?

Nothing.
Well do something quick,

Mrs. Jefferson,
you're losing her!

Stay calm,
she's just a dummy.

Now, look, Mrs. Jefferson
is doing the best she can.

I mean Annie!

Okay, now,
what's next?

I know,
four quick breaths.

Right.

FLORENCE: That's right,
Mrs. Jefferson.
Give it to her good.

All right,
does she have a pulse?

No.
Then it's time to start
chest compressions.

Now this is
where you come in.

Well, it's about time.

Any don't worry about me
because I watched every
episode of Marcus Welby.

Ah!

One, two, three...

Congratulations,
you just broke her ribs.

You'll have to move
your hands lower.

One, two, three,

four, five, breathe!

Come on, Annie,
you've got a lot to
live for, child.

Very good. Very good, ladies.
You just got your green light.

You've saved Annie.

Well, I'll take your word for
it, but she doesn't look any
better than when we came in.

Of course,
in a real emergency,

you keep this up until
the, uh, victim was revived
or until help comes.

Thank you, ladies.
You can take your seats now.

Ooh, Florence Johnston
saves a life, film at : .

Ah!

Okay.
Let's see now, uh...

Who's next?

Uh, how about you two?

No. No, thank you.

Oh, come on.

Yeah, she won't bite!

Yeah, come on,
it's easy.

No, please,
just pick someone else.

Look, uh, everyone
has to try,
you might as well come up.

I said just
pick someone else.

But I picked you.

Well, you picked wrong.

Hey, come on, now,
we're all friends here.

Well, you may all
be friends, but...

We don't touch anything
that's been kissed
by a n*gg*r.

Oh, what?

Mister, I hope you got
on your best suit, because

you're about
to be buried!

You're the problem!
Are you insane too?

You're not going to
get away with that!

You're going to
lose that finger!

Oh, Florence!

Don't bother.
He's got less brains
than Annie.

Okay, you two...

I think you should
apologize to these ladies
and then leave.

Apologize?

Oh, man, you've got
a lot to learn.

Klansmen don't
apologize to their kind.

Klansmen?

Take it easy now...

Okay, you two, beat it.

Now!

I'm going to pray for you,
brother.

I'm going to pray for
every decent

white man and woman here
because you're all
being brainwashed.

But the day will come,
and believe me,
it will come soon.

You'll thank your maker
for the Ku Klux Klan.

Come on, Son.

Yeah, could use
the fresh air.

Florence, Florence!

Uh, class, uh...

Listen, I think we should
try to forget
what just happened.

Let's get back to
learning how to
help our fellow man.

Florence, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.

But if I ever catch that
turkey alone, I'm gonna
grab him by his legs,

pretend he's a wishbone
and make my wish.

You'd ever think we'd be
living in the same building
with them?

Hello.
Hello.

I tell you, Dwayne, I'm going
to call the manager right away
and reserve that rec room.

We're going to have a little
meeting of our own tonight.

Good idea, Dad.
It's about time
we took some action.

Yeah, something's got to be
done now about the low-life

that's infecting
this building.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm in G.
I couldn't help overhearing.

Are you planning
a meeting tonight?

You bet we are.

We're going to get some
of the tenants together
and discuss the

unsavory element
around here,
if you know what I mean.

I know
exactly what you mean!

My name's Tom Willis.

Oh, my name is
Herbert Purcell,
this is my son Dwayne.

Oh, hi, Dwayne.
Hi.

Yes, we just moved into the
building. Had no idea the
mess going on around here.

Oh, it's terrible, isn't it?

My apartment was just
broken into!

Well, that figures!

My son and I were
nearly att*cked
a few minutes ago.

Well, this meeting tonight
ought to help put a stop to
that kind of thing.

Great, it's time we show them
that we're not going

to be pushed around anymore.

Yeah, Dad says
people like us
have to band together

or else none of us
will be safe.

Well, that's exactly
what I've been saying!

Oh, uh, what time
is your meeting tonight?

Oh, let's say, uh,
: , uh, in the rec room.

Oh, I'll be there!

Oh, hey, I know somebody else
who might like to come!

Fine, bring him along, Tom!

Is he our kind of man?

Oh, yes he is!

Good!

I think you're really going
to like my friend George.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that feels great!

You are the best!

You are the best accountant
in the whole world!

Tell me some more
about my tax refund.

Tax refund...

Oh, what the hell was that?

Ooh, that rotten
little creep!

That slimy little toad!

What did I do now?

If you hadn't held me

I would have knocked
both of them into the
middle of next week.

Then you'd be stooping
to their level, Florence,
now calm down.

Now just sit
down and relax.

Yeah, that's one thing
you're good at!

sh**t,
I'm gonna get my
baseball bat.

Hey, wait a minute,
I was only kidding!

Ain't no reason to hit nobody
with no baseball bat.

George, Florence and I were
insulted at our CPR class.

What?

The insult was "n*gg*r"
and the people were Klansmen.

Klansmen?
Ku Klux Klansmen?

That's right.

In New York?
In this building?

That's right.

Let me get
the baseball bat.

What's the matter
with you two?

We can't solve this problem
with baseball bats!

Right. You got any
lead pipes around here?

Florence, please!

Look, Mrs. Jefferson,
I don't like that word
coming from our own people.

And when a white man says it,
I wanna make sure he only
says it one time.

Florence, remember
what the bible says?

"Love thine enemies."

Yeah.

And "What you do to the
least of thy brethren,
you have also done to me."

And they sure are the
least of his brethren.

You're right, Mrs. Jefferson.
We've got to
love our enemies.

That's right!

No matter how
rude they've been.

Look, Weezy,
one minute they're rude,

the next minute
they're burning a cross
on your balcony.

You remember
momma's cousin Elvin?
No.

I guess not because
he's not around anymore.

Well, some people
down south got the idea that
he had r*ped this white girl

even though he miles
away when it happened.
So they threw him in jail.

That's terrible!

Oh, no, no. Not half as
terrible as the Klan burning
the jail down around him.

Pretty rude, huh?

Look, Florence, you think
those men are still
in the building?

George, please
don't do anything rash.

Look, Weezy, I'm not
thinking about rashes,

I'm thinking more
about bruises.

Because if I find out
who they are,

I'm gonna grab 'em by
their tonsils and turn 'em
inside out.

Well, that won't make you any
better than they are, George.

Now, if they're stupid enough
to live their lives hating,
then let them.

But sooner or later,
they're gonna be eaten up
by their own hate.

Look, Weezy, there's only
two ways to handle the Klan.

George, great news!

The tenants are having
a meeting at : tonight.

Look, Willis, we've
got bigger trouble.

There's Klansmen
in the building.

What...
You mean the KKK?

No,
The Beverly Hillbillies!

I can't believe it!

What's happening
to this building?
I don't know!

George, if you want to do
something constructive
about the Klan,

go down to that
tenants meeting tonight.

Let them know
what's going on.

Yes, that way we can
take care of the burglaries
and the Klan in one meeting!

Yeah, and you know, we better
tell the other tenants.

I mean, what if they get
mixed up with them by mistake?

Oh, I can't imagine
anyone in this building

stupid enough to do that!

Tom?
Glad to see you.

Glad you could come.
Thank you.

Uh, this is my
right-hand man,
Stanley Harris.

Hello.
Hi, Stanley.

You must be George!

Uh, actually,
I'm Harry Bentley.
Oh.

You know, I've never been
mistaken for Mr. J before.

He's much shorter
than I am.

Oh, George had a
small problem

in one of
his cleaning stores,
so he may be a little late.

But he's behind you
all the way.

He should give a
real spark to things.

Great. Great, he's the
kind of man we need.

But I think
we should get started.

Uh, take your seats.
Oh, thank you.

All right, everyone,
please take a seat.

Right around this way.
Thank you.

All right, if I can
have your attention please.

All of you are here
tonight for the same reason.

You're looking for an
organization that can protect

your belongings
and your lives.

Well, it's my pleasure to
introduce to you a man

who represents
just such an organization.

Mr. Herbert Purcell.

Thank you, Stan.

Friends,

we have a serious problem
on our hands.

There are undesirables
around us

who are up to no good.

They are trying to take away
what is rightfully ours.

And I, for one,
am sick and tired of it!

So am I!

I'm sorry to say that these
unsavory elements have now
gotten into our building.

They have invaded our homes!

And it's time we stood up
and said, "No more!"

No more!

Now, I belong to an
organization

that is dedicated to
protecting our rights.

However, through the years,

this organization has been
misunderstood

and misrepresented
by the various media.

So before you jump to any
preconceived conclusions,
please hear me out.

Now...

Hey!

Hey, sorry I'm late!

I'm here y'all.

Hey, how are you doing?

Now we can get
down to business.

Don't mind me,
go right ahead.

What are you doing here?

I'm on your side!
I'm behind you %.

I find that hard to believe.
We're trying to get the scum
out of this building.

Right on, bro.

I can't believe this.

Oh, I told you this
little guy is dynamite.
You tell them, George!

No, no, no, no.

You listen to these guys,
because they are talking
my language.

We've got to get
people like that out of here.

Damn right we've got to get
people like that out of here.

And the only way
we're going to do it
is by joining together.

You're not joining anything!
This happens to be
a KKK meeting.

You bet it is!
Everybody here is proud
to be part of...

What?

The scum we're trying to
get out of this building
is you, boy.

Boy? Boy?

You'd better...

No v*olence, Mr. J!
No v*olence!

We are dedicated
to white supremacy,
but not through v*olence.

Well, that's all you bigots
have ever taught is v*olence.

Tom, that's the old Klan,
not the new Klan!

Well, garbage still stinks
no matter how fresh it is.

Good one, Mr. J!

Okay, you want to
talk about garbage?

I'll tell you
what's garbage.

The people on welfare
living off white people's
money, that's garbage.

The people who are robbing
white stores, tearing down
white schools,

there's your garbage, Mister.

You, you and your kind,
you personify garbage.

None of that is true!
You just hope that by
saying it enough times,

people will begin
to believe it.

You don't know what
you're talking about, Tom.

Oh, really?
Well, for your information,

I happen to be married
to a black woman
and I don't have...

Then, sir,
you are a black man.
Now, get out of here!

Yeah!
And take that foreigner

and your n*gg*r-loving
friend here with you!

Oh, that's enough!
Now, hold it right there!

It's one thing
hearing it from you,

but when you start feeding
that trash to your kid...

My son knows the truth
and isn't afraid to speak it.

Now we'd appreciate it
if you'd leave

because we don't like
talking to Negros.

Don't worry, you don't have
to do no talk with my fists
shoved down your throat!

And you call
me violent?

Well, you're living
proof that white is right.

That we are superior!

That white supremacy is the
salvation of this country!

Herb!

Heart!
Dad!

Herb!

Dad!

Oh, no.

It's his heart.
He's got a bad heart.

You took a CPR course, kid.
Help him!
I...

I don't know,
we left early!

Well...

Well, does anyone
know what to do?

Please?

Dad!

Dad, please!

Get out of the way!
Get out! Get out! Move!

Come on, wake up!
Wake up!

Look, Bentley,
go find help, quick!
Right!

Come on. Come on.
Breathe, you bastard!

Mr. J, do you realize
what you've done?

Yeah, a real stupid thing.

No, you
saved a man's life!

Well, that guy don't
deserve to live.

Oh, George,
I know he's despicable,
but everyone deserves to live.

You did the right thing.

Oh, yeah? Then why do
I feel like I just got
kicked in my stomach?

You don't know, Willis.

He wouldn't like nothing
better but to see me

swinging at the end of a rope.

But for a second you
forgot that and just saw
another human being.

Yes, and that makes
you a better man than he
can ever hope to be.

Mr. J, you breathed
the life back into him.

Mmm. I should have inhaled.

Um, Mr. Jefferson...

What do you want?

Well...

I just...

I just wanted to thank you
for saving my dad's life.

Oh, forget it.

How are you doing, Dad?

I'm tired, Son.

Real tired.

Well, we'll get you
to the hospital.
You can rest there.

Yeah, we can...
We can ride down with you.

No, no. You two stay here
and continue the meeting.
It's important to the cause.

Dad...

Well, the paramedics said
if Mr. Jefferson
hadn't given you CPR,

you wouldn't
have made it.

He saved my life?

Yeah.

You should have
let me die.

See that?

They'll never change.

You save their life
and they still don't change.

Come on,
let's get out of here.

Now, as we were saying,

the purpose of the
Ku Klux Klan

is to promote
white supremacy

and preserve our
inalienable right to
maintain racial dignity.

We are constantly
bombarded by cries
for minority rights.

We hear about black rights,
Latin rights...

Well, what about
white rights?

Now...

For Klansmen these rights...

Don't worry, Dwayne.
They'll be back soon enough.

They'll see we're right.

The white race
has got to stick together!