08x08 - The House That George Built

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe
apartment in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live
it's you and me, baby

Ain't nothin' wrong
with that

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Oh, come on, Florence.

Why don't you change your
mind and come with us?

I ain't going to no museum
to see no mummies.

Look, I got a rule,
dead things don't come
to see me,

and I don't go see them.

Now, Florence.

Mummies aren't
all that frightening.

Helen's right.
Oh, sure, maybe there's
a little discoloration,

and the skin is drawn
slightly but,

really it's no more
frightening than Helen's
mother before her face lift.

Oh, but everybody
gets wrinkles dear.

Yours are just
harder to see,

because both of your chins
are weighing them down.

Well, thanks for inviting me,
but to tell you the truth,

I'd rather take a nice,
long nap than spend
the afternoon

staring at some
shriveled up old body.

Uh-oh, here comes one now.

George!

Weezy, I almost died!

What are you
talking about?
What happened?

George, you're wet!

And you're fat!

But tomorrow, I'll be dry.

I'll get a towel.

Are you all right?

You won't believe it,
Weezy.

There I was talking
to Waldo Jenkins.

You know, the guy that owns
the chain of Waldoburgers?

You mean, Waldo himself?Yeah.

The man in the sign with
the onion rings for eyes?

The man in the
commercial who says,

"Open wide for Waldo."
The man who has the...

Tom!

You can hardly remember
my birthday,

yet you can recite
the life story
of a hamburger cook?

Well, you told me
to get a hobby.

Anyway, Waldo tells me
he won't sign a cleaning
contract with me

unless I take him
on a boat tour
around the island.

But then the boat pulls
into the harbor,
and it slams into the dock,

and everybody falls
into the river.

Oh, it was awful.

I thought I was gonna drown.

Well, damn it, Weezy,
don't just sit there.

Ain't you gonna dry me off?

George, was anybody hurt?

Yeah, is Waldo okay?

Nobody got hurt.
But boy, it was scary.

People were swimming
and kicking and gasping
for air.

I don't see how fish do it
day after day.

Well, anyway, I'm happy
you're home now.

Safe and alive.

Yeah, I'm glad
you're safe and alive too,
Mr. Jefferson.

Thanks, Florence.
I just wish you
hadn't come home.

Look, it's all over now.

Why don't you just take off
these wet clothes and...

You know the scariest part,
Weez?

Yeah.
You could've died.

Worse!
I could've died without
anybody knowing who I was.

Yeah, sure, but...

Huh?

Look, Weezy, when I die,
I don't want the headlines
to read,

"Hundred's Die,
Dry Cleaner Among Them?"

The headline
I want to see is
"George Jefferson Dies!"

I heard that.

See, Weezy.
She understands.

I'm a somebody.
And somebodies don't go out
like nobodies.

Uh, George...

Y'know something?

They were right.
I did see my life pass
before my eyes.

And you want
to know something?
It was fascinating.

It kind of makes you think.

About what?

She asked warily.

That any of us can go
at any time.

And I don't wanna die 'till
the whole world knows more
about George Jefferson.

I mean, it just wouldn't be
fair to me or them.

You wouldn't care for
a second opinion?

Nope.

I already made up
my mind.

You all know me
as a modest guy,
but starting today,

the whole world is gonna know
the real George Jefferson,
inside and out.

Don't be too hasty.

Those are your
worst two sides.

Florence, you gonna wish
you were nicer to me
when my book comes out.

Book?
What book?

My autobiography.
I've decided it's time

that the whole world got
a taste of the greatness
that is I.

sh**t, I better get started
on the first chapter
right now.

"George Jefferson,
Man or God?"

Well, George, I read
the first eight chapters.

Oh, yeah?
What'd you think?

Well, you know that section
about your days
as a Navy cook?

Yeah.

"The eggs flew
fast and furious.

"The hash browns were
busy hash-browning.

"Suddenly, the galley
door flew open,

"and in walked
a wall of medals with
a man pinned behind them.

"It was the Admiral.

"Cancel the scrambled eggs,
Jefferson, he barked.

"I want 'em over
easy instead.
End of Chapter Three."

You end the chapter there?

Of course.
Didn't you notice?

Every chapter ends
with a cliffhanger.

And George, about the way
your admiral had his eggs,
who cares?

Well, look, Weezy,
you got to read
the next chapter.

You know, the part about
where I ran out of hot sauce?

I did.

Who cares?

Let's be honest, Weez.
You don't know nothing
about great literature.

Oh, and you do?

Check the john, Weez.
That's my Reader's Digest
on the t*nk.

Yes, that's quite a library,
George.

Wait a minute, Weez.

Look, here's chapters
nine through .

It's all about where I met
and married you.

Well, George,
I'm very flattered but...

"My lovely wife, Bubbles?"

Let's face it.

Nobody would believe a name
like Weezy, Weez.

But don't worry about it,
all the facts are true.

Hey, wait a minute, George.

I never begged
to have your child.

What difference does it make?
One of us begged.

Well, it's about time
you got here.
I called you an hour ago.

This better be important.

What could be more important
than my new book?

Good night, George.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

The real reason I called
you down here is because
you're a publisher.

So?
So...

I'll be finishing up my book
in about an hour.

And I just figured
I might let your company
publish it.

But I don't know if
I should let you use
our friendship like that.

Okay.
Good night, George.

Wait, hold it,
hold it, hold it.

Your lousy begging
got the best of me.

Okay, I'll let you
publish the book.

What about it?

Well, uh, uh, oh, Louise,
thank God.

Hi, Tom.

Listen, Helen asked me
to give you this brochure.

We picked it up
at the Egyptian
exhibit this afternoon.

Oh, why, thank you, Tom.

My!

Look at all the artifacts.

It must've been beautiful.

Oh, I'll say it was.

You know, it was almost
as if the pharaoh knew

that people would still be
coming to see him
, years after he died.

Yeah, good thing
he shriveled well.

Well, I think you
and George should
get down to that museum.

I tell you, what I learned
today about ancient
civilizations...

Willis! You a genius!

Well, actually, a lot of it
was printed in the brochure.

No, no, no, you gave me
a great idea about my book.

BOTH: Good night, George.

Wait, hold it, hold it.

Don't you see?

Three hundred pages
of gripping drama

doesn't tell the whole
George Jefferson story.

So, uh, what are you saying?

Well, I've decided
I'm scraping the book.
I'm not gonna finish it.

Wonderful!

I mean, oh,
maybe it's for the best.

Yes, I hate to say it,
but I guess you're right.

Don't worry about.
I got a much,
much better idea.

Well, everybody,
this is it!

You had us dress up
like this to come to
an empty room?

Yes, George, isn't it about
time you tell us what
this is all about?

Absolutely, Weez.

As you all know, last week,
I, George Jefferson,
almost met my maker...

How is Dr. Frankenstein?

Anyway, as you all know,

it became very important
to me to let the world know
about my greatness.

I could not justify myself
with a mere book.

So therefore,
I decided to take
the next logical step.

Which is?

Which is this!

I don't believe it.

He actually opened
a museum for himself.

Child, if I live
to be ,

I will never see anything
more ridiculous.

But then again,
you should never say never.

This has got to be a dream.

This museum is a symbol,
it's a place of hope.

It shows that every kid,
if he works hard enough,
can make it in this country.

And what greater gift can
I give than to let them
know that if they work hard

they can one day grow up
to be just like me.

Quite a few things
come to mind.

Well, nothing comes
into my mind.

So, line up, pay your dollars
and knock yourselves out.

Oh, what the hell.
It's opening night.
C'mon in for nothing...

What are you laughing at?

Child, I wouldn't miss this
for the world.

Get off my face.

I shudder to think what's
behind those curtains.

Well, at least with
Monte Hall,

there's a chance it
might be something big.

Well, I hate to admit it,
but I'm kind of
curious myself.

Okay, George let 'er rip.

Okay,
ladies and gentlemen...

And you too, Florence...

The moment
you've all been waiting for.

The life and times of
George Jefferson,
dry cleaner to the world.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well?

Uh, George, could I have
a word with you?

Sure, Weez.

What, if anything,
is going through
your head?

The George Jefferson
museum?

Where did you get
such a stupid idea?

From you, Weez.

Remember how excited
you got about the Willises

when they went to see
that mummy in Egypt?

Well, a lot of people
got museums.

Every president gets one.

Even Roy Rogers
has got one.

He's got Trigger
stuffed in his.

Well, what do you plan
to do here, stuff me?

You mean
you wouldn't mind?

Geroge!

I don't mean right now,
Weez.

But think about it.
It's good to plan ahead.

George, this is fantastic.

Oh, you ain't seen
nothing yet.

Push that button
under the speaker.

Well, how 'bout that, Helen?

He gets the patrons involved
and everything.

Oh, boy!

MAN: Welcome to
The George Jefferson Museum.

You've just spent the
best dollar of your lives.

That's for the paying public.

Please, please, don't crowd.

You'll all get a chance
to see everything
if you just remain patient.

Years from now,
when historians are searching

for the dry cleaner most
respected in his time,

one name,
and one name only

will stand out
among all the others.

Any guesses?

Duh...

That's right,
George Jefferson.

A man, a legend,
a dude with a lotta bucks.

George, that voice.

Isn't that Peter Lawford?

Yeah, Weez.
He cost me.
But he's worth it.

I want your word of honor
you won't tell anyone
about this.

Don't worry about it.

Who's gonna believe it?

MAN: The Early Years

George was born
the son of a sharecropper

in a small town
in the Deep South.

But soon, the challenge
of New York, New York,
called the young George.

He answered.

He was three.

His parents came, too.

The saga continues
at the next alcove.

Well, so much
for the early years.
Any questions?

Oh, yes, George, one.

What was the transition
like from a small town
to New York?

You were so young...
Oh, Tom, really!

MAN: Please,
please stand to the right

so that others have
room to pass.

Nice touch, George.

Thanks, Weez.

MAN: Say, how 'bout
a little break?

You're probably getting
hungry about now...

Gee, how did he know?

Just take a minute,
visit our Snack Bar

and have yourself
a "Jefferdog."

The dog of kings.

Well, that sounds good to me.

And I'm buying.

Four, please.

Anybody else want one?

Oh, no, thank you, Tom.

I don't think I've earned
the right to eat
"The dog of kings."

Come right over here
everybody.

This is a very
special exhibit.

You could call this the
high point of your visit.

Only if it's marked "exit."

I call this little exhibit
"Make Your Own Stain."

And I challenge you to make
a stain that I can't clean.

Uh, Ms. Jefferson?
I'll be heading on home.

And you should
consider checking into
a "home" yourself.

Look, honey.
I made a chocolate one.

Tom, let's go.

Yes, dear.

Oh, George, by the way,
these Jefferdogs
are delicious.

Uh, George,
it's getting kind of late.

I've been thinking,

why don't you come home
with me now,

lie down with
a cold compress,

and we can discuss
getting you help?

Home?
Weezy, are you kidding?

I have obligations
to my public.

Public?

Yeah, well, they'll be
pouring in any minute.

Look, you can go
if you wanna.
But, George...

Come on, Weezy.
You're blocking
the entrance.

Hey, Lou, look alive.

Look, things are gonna
start happening any minute.

Sure. Saturday night
in New York,

where else is everybody
gonna go?

LOU: Boss?

Say, Boss?

Yeah, Lou?
What now?

Things are pretty slow
back here.
Can I take a break?

I guess.

You know,
I don't understand it.

I've been open
for ten days now.
Not one customer.

Don't worry.
Tuesday night in New York.

Where else is
everybody gonna go?

Wait a minute!
Man the grill!

Things are
starting to pop!

Oh!

Step right up,
step right up.
Welcome!

One dollar please.

Thank you.

One dollar, thank you.
Step right up,
step right up.

Just in time for the show.
Step right up.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Uh, where dinosaur?

Dinosaur?

Oh, uh, wrong museum.

You want Natural History,
two blocks south.

Uh, where dollar?

Where other dollar?

MAN: Welcome to the
George Jefferson Museum.

You've just spent
the best dollar of your lives.

George?

Huh? Oh, hi, Weez.
C'mon in.

No, for free.

You know something,
Weezy. I was doing
a lot of thinking.

I never should have
opened this place here.

I guess I made a real fool
out of myself this time,
right Weez?

Weez?

Well, George,
a brush with death

can scare you into doing
some pretty strange things.

Huh, that's true.
Yeah, I guess I just
overreacted a little bit.

I just did what anybody
else would've done.
Right, Weez?

Weez?

I can't give you that one,
George.

But see, Weezy,
you don't understand.

I feel bad about
all those little kids

who won't have a chance
to have the George Jefferson
Museum for inspiration.

Well, I guess they'll just
have to go to school,

read books, and work hard
for inspiration.

Sure, that's the easy way.

George!

Yeah, well,
I guess the real reason
is I just,

I just wanted to be
remembered, that's all.

I don't want to just
end my life

without everybody knowing
what I was all about.

George, you are missing
the point.

You'll be remembered
without all this stuff.

Okay, so millions
of people won't remember
George Jefferson.

Thousands?

No, not even thousands.

Hundreds?

George!

You, Weez?

Maybe.

Of course, I will.

But it won't be because
of some "Make Your Own Stain"
exhibit.

You see, George,
what's important

is that the people who
know you remember you.

And believe me, after this,
no one will ever forget you.

You really think so, huh?

I know so.

And here's something
else I know.

You don't have to
hang things on the wall
to show me how great you are.

All you have to do
is just be yourself.

Aw, Weez.

Weezy, make me
one promise.

No matter how stupid I get,
you'll always love me?

Well, I've come this far
with you, haven't I?

Let's go home.

Yeah.
I thought you'd never ask.

The George Jefferson Museum.

Yeah.

LOU: Boss?

LOU: Boss?

Hey, Boss,
can I go home now?