08x15 - Blazing Jeffersons

[bunniefuu]

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin'
wrong with that

Well, we're
movin' on up

To a deluxe
apartment in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

I'd like to propose a toast
to my son Lionel.

Second in a long line of
successful Jefferson's.

Here, here.

To you, Lionel.

An accomplished businessman,

a brilliant electrical
engineer,

and the man who's going to
raise my granddaughter the way
she ought to be raised, rich.

Um, how about me?

Oh, yeah, you too.

So, tell us more about this
new project, Lionel.

It all sounds so exciting.

Oh, well, it's just
one account.

Oh, yeah, but it's big.
I mean, really big, right?

Thank you, Ed Sullivan.

Lionel, it is a supermarket,
right?

A supermarket?

Ma, it's going to be the third
largest supermarket in
New Jersey.

Meldens.

Oh, I've seen their
commercials.

If it grows,
it's at Meldens.

Well, you know, the chipmunk.

You know, Lionel, I was
wondering, is the size of the
building you're working on

make your job more difficult?

Size makes any job
more difficult, Willis.

Think of your poor tailor.

Well, anyway.

Congratulations, Lionel.

Let's drink to your future,
and to electricity.

May the sparks fly
and produce us another
grandchild.

Here, here.

Now, Lionel, you're not going
to give up your regular job
yet, are you?

No, Mom, not yet anyway.

I'm just moonlighting right
now, but eventually,

I'm gonna have my own
electrical contracting
company.

See, I want to make it on
my own, just like Pop.

Lionel, I'm proud of you.
You know it takes a special
kind of a son

to appreciate his father's
greatness.

Your great father thinks that
you are ready to be
your own boss.

Well, not yet anyway.
I mean, uh,

you know, all I've ever done
on my own so far is a few
odd jobs

for you, and you know,
favors for friends.

Oh, Lionel, you're
the best. Why,

you put in that digital
alarm clock next to our bed.

But, Jenny, see, all I had
to do was plug that in.

Oh, well.

He knew right where
the outlet was.

Anyway, it's obvious that the
kid's a genius.

I wonder where he
gets that from?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, listen, everybody,
we better get going.
Oh, yeah.

We're celebrating the
Meldens account.

Lionel's taking me to .

, wow, I'm impressed.

Oh, that ain't nothing.
Here, Lionel.

Take her to .

See you later.
Good night.

Bye.
Enjoy, kids.

So long.

Well, my son is incredible,
ain't he?

You know, Weezy?

That boy's gonna make
a million bucks one day.

I just hope he'll be happy,
that's all.

So what is a million bucks
supposed to make him,
suicidal?

George, you're missing
the whole point.

Cash isn't the most important
thing in the world, you know?

You're right, that's why God
invented stocks and bonds.

Anyway, I'm really happy
Lionel's taking on some
outside jobs.

The extra income certainly
can't hurt.

Yeah, inflation's sure
putting the bite into me.

Well, Willis, it's only fair.

Looks like you've been
putting the bite
into everything else.

Inflation hasn't hurt me
one bit. Right now I'm
sitting on top of the world.

Congratulations, George.

May I give you a suggestion
on what to do with the
North Pole?

Why, Helen.

I'll get it.

Oh, you're just jealous,
that's all.

My business is
better than ever.

My profits are up.

All my employees
worship me.

Everything I touch
turns to gold.

I can't remember when
the last time I had a problem.

George.

That was the fire department.
Your Brooklyn store just
burned down.

What?

Why do these things always
happen to me?

I'll go with you.
No, no, no, Weezy.
It could be dangerous.

You might get burned, or hit
on the head with something.

Or even k*lled.

Come on, Willis.
Right, George.

Oh!

My store.

My baby.

Willis!

Who are you?

Oh, he owns this,
uh, rubble.

Name, sir?

Can't you read? It's written
right on the door...

It's gone.

There, there, sir.

Uh, would you mind?

There, there, George.

If you need me, I'll be
checking the damage outside.

Everything is ruined, Willis.
There's nothing left.

Don't be so hasty, George.

There must be something
you can salvage.

Oh, look.

This piece of bronze sculpture
is still intact.

That's not a piece of
sculpture. That was my
cash register.

Well, I never claimed to know
much about art. I just know
what I like.

All the expensive stuff
is in the back.

The big machinery and
everything. Maybe some
of that is still okay.

Oh, no, no, George, George.
Take it easy.

It's not that bad.

Well, you still
have one wall.

It's all gone, Willis.

The pressing machines,

the steam compressor,

the T- Quad
front-loading static vac.

All the things that made
this place a home.

George, I just had a thought.

Willis, don't think, please.

So far, nobody's been hurt.

Really.

You've got insurance.

You've going to be
reimbursed for all of this.

Plus whatever extra it costs
to fix the place up.

Who knows? This fire could
make you money.

Hey, you're right.

That's terrific, Willis.

You know, if you were
a girl, I'd... I'd... Nah.

Hello.

Yeah, this is Jefferson
Cleaners.

No, your clothes ain't ready.

Hey, Willis.

You say insurance
pays for everything?
Oh, sure.

Good.

Always wanted a push button
phone anyway.

Oh, man, what a fire,
huh, Willis?

It even ripped the phone
out of the wall.

Oh, hello, Chief.

Hello, Mr. Jefferson.

Get a chance to look around?

Yeah, it's pretty bad, huh?

You have insurance?

Well, let me think. Yep.

Good.

You've definitely got
a claim here.

Hey, I'm rich.

Who could talk about money
at a time like this?

I was able to determine
the cause of the fire.

It was faulty wiring.

Wiring?
Right.

So you're gonna be okay.

The guy who should be worried
is the guy who
wired this place.

He's gonna lose his shirt.

George, what's wrong?

Willis, I got a big problem.
What?

Lionel did the wiring.

George, you've got to stop
taking those things.
They're not candy.

I can't help it, Weezy.
I feel terrible.
I feel rotten.

Even my headache's
got a headache.

I understand, George.
You've got a lot on your mind.

Have you gotten in touch
with Lionel yet?

No. I left a message with
the secretary telling him
to come right over.

He's been out.

Lord, I hope he ain't out
doing no more wiring.

Now, George...

I can't help it, Weezy.
I'm sorry.

All I can think about
is Lionel's career in ruins.

Like my store.

And it's all Willis' fault.

What?

Willis, he had Jenny.

Lionel married her,
they had a kid.

He needed extra money,
he took outside work.

He wired my store,
it burned to the ground.

Damn Willis.

Well, thank goodness your
headache hasn't affected
your sense of logic.

Oh, Lionel, I'm glad
you're here.

Hi, Mom. Hey, Pop, I got the
message, what's up?

Lionel, I've got to talk
to you about something
important.

Oh, well, I'm glad you called,
'cause listen,

I've got something
important to talk to you
about, too.

Pop, I thought it over.
I decided not to wait.

I'm going to start my own
electrical contracting
company right away.

What your father means is

maybe this isn't the best time
to start your own business.

Why sure it is, what with the
Meldens account, what could
possibly screw it up?

And who better to talk to
about starting my own business
than my dad?

Why did we name him Lionel?
Do you know how hard it is to
live that name down in prison?

Prison? Pop, what are you
talking about?
Look, son.

I'll get you the best
lawyer money can buy,
and if he loses,

I'll write you every week,
your mother will bake you
some last cookies.

You might be number
to them, but to us you'll
always be our little boy.

Has he been sniffing
cleaning fluid?

Lionel, sit down.

Do you know the
Brooklyn store?

Yeah, let me see, that's
the one in Brooklyn isn't it?

Sure, I re-wired that store
six months ago.

Lionel.

You know that
and I know that,

now forget it.

What's... What's going on?

Lionel, you know the
Brooklyn store?

Look, Mom, we went through
that already, okay?

What happened to the
Brooklyn store?

It burned down.

It burned down, how?
Fire.

Thanks, Pop.
What caused the fire?

The wiring.

But I put in that
wiring myself.

I told you to forget
about that.

Wait a minute, Pop.
That wiring was not faulty.

Uh, faulty is such
a harsh word, son.

You just put it in wrong,
that's all.

Look, who said the
wiring was faulty?

Oh, nobody
important, Lionel.

Just the fire marshal.

You need that
more than I do.

Lionel, don't you
blame yourself.

Your mother's right. I mean,
look, they've been studying
electricity for years.

Nobody knows how
the hell it works.

Why would they expect you to?

Look, Pop, I'm telling you,
man. That wiring was
not faulty.

You don't believe me.
Of course I believe you,
you're my son.

A father always
believes his son.

Look.

I know a guy in
the passport bureau.

I can get you out of the
country before midnight.

Don't panic.

Everything's gonna be
all right. I'm not gonna

file an insurance claim.
What?

George, you lost a building,
equipment, inventory.

Do you know how much that
will cost to replace?

Yeah, I was figuring
that out last night.

Oh, I guess you didn't
hear me crying, huh?

Look, there is no need to
cover up for me, 'cause
there's nothing to cover up.

Your father's just trying
to protect your reputation,
your career.

Yeah, well, look, if it was
my fault, which it wasn't,

I'd take the blame,
which I should, but it wasn't,
so I won't.

But if it was your fault,
which it might have been,

you could be ruined,
but you won't, 'cause
I won't let you.

And now wait,
you're both right.

I think.

Mom.

He won't let me fight my own
battles, he's treating me
like a kid.

Now just calm down, he's
not treating you like a kid.

Just relax, and I'll
get you some cookies.

No!

Pop,

man, you really hurt me here.

Lionel, I'm trying to keep you
from being hurt.

Oh, man, there you go again.

My being hurt is not
the point here, Pop.

Will you listen?
Look, see, I told you
the wiring was good.

But you don't believe me.
I didn't say that.

I'm not the one that said...

Pop, you don't believe me.

What are you...

What's the hell's he so
mad about? That n*gg*r
burned down my store.

George, I'm sorry to
leave you like this.

But they're really depending
on me at the Help Center.

That's ok, Weez.

You know something, Weezy?
The way I figure it,

if you take a part-time job,

give up buying clothes,

buy bargain brands
of everything,

and if I work seven
days a week

and only eat what Willis
throws away,

we'll have the loss on
the store made up in only
years.

Well, I was going to have
some cavities filled,

but I'll save the money and
just let my teeth fall out.

Look, every little bit
helps, Weez.

Hi, Stan Greene,
Mutual Fidelity Insurance.

You must be Mrs. Jefferson.

That's right, won't
you come in?

That's my husband, George.

Just let me say, I'm saddened
greatly by the loss of your

"Brooklyn store."

Fire is a terrible thing,
it hurts us all, but,

no one is hurt more than
you and your lovely wife, uh,

"Louise."

We here at Mutual Fidelity

care about our clients
et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera.

You know what I'm
trying to say.

Well your concern touches us
deeply, Mr., uh,

Green. And it's nice to know
that a big company et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.

You know what I'm
trying to say.

See you later, George.

Uh, Mr. Green.

You and I have something
to talk about.

Oh, we most certainly do,
and just let me assure you,
Mr. Jefferson,

that we at Mutual Fidelity
stand squarely behind you.

As long as you don't
stick it to us.

That's a little
insurance joke.

And they say insurance
people are dull.

Yeah, it's a bum rap.

Anyway, I have your
report right here.
You're a lucky man.

You suffered a total loss.

I'm not filing a claim.

And according to the terms
of your policy, you're
entitled to full compensation.

I said, I'm not
filing a claim.

And we at Mutual Fidelity
feel that...

You're not filing a claim?

Okay, what's your angle?

No angle.

I just hate to see you poor
guys lose all that money.

What are you talking about?
The preliminary report
shows that

the fire was caused by
faulty wiring.

We'll get our money back
by suing the incompetent
jerk that did it.

He ain't a jerk.

What?

I mean, the jerk
is competent.

Look,

why don't we just call it
even? Nobody was hurt but me.
Thank God.

But you're entitled to
thousands of dollars.

And you're not
going to take it?

Isn't that un-American?

Okay, I'll tell you the truth.

I am sick and tired of hearing
about people paying
insurance premiums,

year after year,

and as soon as one little
thing happens, like a fire,

they go running to their
insurance company saying,
"Give me, give me, give me."

That's an interesting
point of view.

Right, you always hear about
people helping out the
little folks, right?

But tell me, who looks
out for the big,
multinational corporations?

I don't know. Who?

Nobody, that's who.

Maybe the rich tax firms.

And of course, the corporation
gets windfall profit tax
breaks, but is that enough?

Well, this is one guy
that says,
"No, sir, it is not."

What are we laughing at?

I smell a rat.
What?

Uh-huh. It says here that
the wiring was done by a

Lionel Jefferson.
Any relation?

To who?

To you.
Me?

My name is George Jefferson.

I don't see the connection.

You sure you're not
trying to protect a relative?

Keep my son out of this.

I mean, no, I ain't.

I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson,
I'm going to have to revise
this report.

Oh, come on, Mr. Green, that
could ruin his reputation.

It could bring criminal
charges, I mean,

he could go to jail.

I mean, it'll be terrible.

Yeah, a name like Lionel
would be tough to live
down in the big house.

Come on, give me a break.

I'm sorry, rules are rules.

Oh, man.

But there may be some hope.

Sometimes, because of mistakes
or oversights, a report
like this could get lost.

Lost? How?

Well, for instance, I could
take it out of my briefcase

to make room for
something else, like, uh...

Money?

You're not suggesting
a bribe, are you?

Oh, no, no, of course not.

Am I?

Okay, well, look,

I'm kind of new at this. Um,

what are the going rates
for this kind of thing
like, um,

, bucks?

That's not a bribe,
that's cigarette money.

This report might have to get
lost eight or nine times
before it's officially gone.

?

As the trainer said
to the elephant...

, ?

Up, Simba, up.

, ?
You're getting warmer.

I'll tell you what,

when you hit a number I like,
I'll knock off dollars.

'Cause I used to have an
electric train named
after your son.

Go away, I don't know you.

No, wait a minute. Listen,
I gotta talk to you, Pop.
It's really important.

Oh, Pop.

This must be Lionel.

Gee, he's young,

and good-looking, too.

Should be real popular
in the big house.

Don't go away,
we'll be right back.

Oh, I know you will.

Hey, Pop, what's going on?

Nothing, what makes you think
something's going on?

What do you want to
talk to me about?

Oh, well, look, I checked out
the Brooklyn store.

You wanna know what
caused the fire?

This.

My burglar alarm?

Yeah, it was a freak accident,
but there was a
manufacturer's defect.

It shorted out and
it caused the fire.

I don't understand.

Well, they've been studying
electricity for years, Pop.

I mean, nobody knows how
the hell it works.

Why should you be expected to?

So your wiring
wasn't faulty?

Well, Pop, faulty is such
a harsh word. Let's...

Let's just say I
put it in wrong.

See? I knew you were
right all along.

Well, I've made plenty of room
in my briefcase.

Good, is there room enough
for that?
Now, what's that?

That's what caused the fire,
my burglar alarm.

Lionel had nothing
to do with it.

Now, I'm filing for the
full claim, and I don't
want it to be lost.

What about our arrangement?
What you mean a bribe?

He wanted you to bribe him?
Yeah.

But you know me, I ain't
gonna stand for no shake down.

Just a minute here.

As the trainer said to
the elephant,
"Out, Simba, out."

And again,
you were great, Pop.
Ain't it the truth?

But look here, man,
I've just got one question.

What's that?
Why'd you have to
name me Lionel?

Consider yourself lucky.
Your mother wanted to
call you Leslie.