08x16 - Men of the Cloth

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot
of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin'
wrong with that

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

No more cryin' there
we are going to see the King

No more cryin' there
we are going to see the King

No more cryin' there
we are going to see the King

Hallelujah, hallelujah
we're going to see the King

We're going to see
the King

Oh, Florence, that
was wonderful!

Oh, do you really think
so, Miss Jefferson?

Oh, listen, I know good music.

Well, I've heard Lionel sing.

Oh, I miss good music.

But you all, you're
just fantastic.

Oh, Jenny, you sure you
ain't just saying that?

Would these goosebumps
lie to you?

And let me tell you, Florence,
nobody can give me goosebumps.

Honey, my old man can
give me goosebumps.

But they go away as soon
as he puts his teeth back in.

Well, anyway, you're
all just great.

sh**t, with an audience like
these two, we ought to
practice over here more often.

Uh-uh, Pearl.
You know what they say,

just one rotten apple
can spoil the whole barrel.

Uh-oh, girls, hold on to your
apples, we got a worm alert.

Aw, Mr. Jefferson...

Now don't tell us you
weren't even listening.

The time? Quarter after : .

George, why do you...
What, Weez?

Oh, they're finished.

George, why do you do this
whenever Florence brings
her group over here to sing?

Oh, were they singing?
I thought that was King Kong
getting his tooth pulled.

Oh, that reminds me,
Mr. Jefferson, you ought
to get that cavity filled.

What cavity?
The one between your ears.

George, why don't you just
admit that Florence and her
group are good?

Yeah. They're so
good, in fact,

that I was just about to ask
them to sing at Jessica's
baptism next Sunday.

Oh, Jenny, do you mean it?
Sure, I do.

What a beautiful idea.

I think it's a terrible idea.
What?

Come on, Weez. They have
to sing inside of a church.

It's embarrassing. God's gonna
be there and everything!

George, Jenny wants
Florence to sing.

Yeah, well, I don't!

End of argument,
end of discussion,
end of everything.

My word is final!

So you'll sing at the baptism?

Definitely.
Good.

Be there at : that
morning, ready to sing.

And if you can make it short,

you can still make
that engagement you
got in Transylvania.

To howl at the moon!

I'll show you the moon...

Come on!

Alice, it's not worth it.

Just remember The
Book of Job and be patient.

Yeah, but I doubt if
there was anything in
the Bible like him.

Oh, sure there was.
The jawbone of an ass.

Thanks for inviting
us over, Florence.

Oh, yeah, we really
had a good time.

And thanks for letting us
sing at the baptism.

And you tell that handsome
husband of yours, I'm
looking forward to seeing him.

Oh, I'm afraid Lionel won't
be there. He's in Japan.

Japan?

Yes, my Lionel was
picked by his company

to study Japanese advancements
in computer circuitry.

Now you know who to
thank for giving Lionel
his brilliant mind.

ALL:
Thank you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Well, aren't you gonna
open the door for us?

Sure, if it opens to
an elevator shaft.

You better watch him,
Mrs. Jefferson.

He gonna be mean
when he grows up.

Mr. Jefferson, that was the
rudest thing I ever saw.

You're telling me! They're
just gonna barge in on
Jessica's baptism and ruin it.

But I asked them, remember?

Lionel asked me to make sure

that Jessica's baptism was
a first-class ceremony.

Here, Weezy, I figured
out the costs...

Mr. Jefferson, this is
a spiritual ceremony.

The Lord don't care how
much money's coming
out of your pocket.

And just remember one thing,

"It's easier for the camel
to pass through the eye
of a needle,

"than it is for a
rich man to enter the
Kingdom of Heaven."

A camel can't pass through
no eye of no needle.

His hump would get caught.

George, I know you're proud
of your granddaughter,

but please,

try not to get carried
away this time.

Yeah, Mr. Jefferson, I
appreciate all the work
that you've done,

but see, I'd really prefer
a nice simple ceremony.

Oh, yeah, well, look, with
Florence and her
cave women singing,

you got a lock on simple.

George, I believe Jenny has
made her decision, okay?

Well, what about me?
Can't I do nothing?

Sure you can, Mr. Jefferson.

You know they're repairing the
stained glass windows and we
can't see our hymn books.

So maybe you could stand on
the window sill, so the sun
could bounce off your head.

Okay, Jenny, look.

It's your daughter,
and her baptism.

Don't blame me if, when
Florence starts singing,

Jessica thinks she's being
punished for something.

I don't care, Tom.

That was one of the most
embarrassing things that
you've ever done.

And just what's so
embarrassing about
consumer awareness?

They always let you
test drive a new car.

But we were at
the delicatessen,
for crying out loud!

Hold it, you two.
Now what seems to
be the problem?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jenny.

Oh, hello, Louise.
George.

What's the matter, Helen?

An hour. One solid hour
it took this man

to choose the food
that we're serving after
Jessica's baptism.

You don't rush through
kinds of salami, Helen.

Oh, please.
Really!

Oh, Ma, Daddy, could
you two call a little truce?

I want to show you the
dress I got for Sunday.

Let's go to my room.

Oh, you should've seen him,
Louise. No sooner had we
walked into that deli,

that he was all over
the sliced ham.

And the white fish!
Child, don't even
mention the white fish!

Look, Willis, I know this
might be hard for you,

but try to throw food out
of your mind for a minute.

What?
Look, have a seat.

Now, Jenny invited Florence
and her gospel singers

to sing at Jessica's baptism,

now I want to get somebody
special. What do you think?

Pimento loaf!

You see, I knew
I forgot something.

What's a party without
pimento loaf?

Willis, Jessica is
my granddaughter.
She deserves the best!

Jessica's my
granddaughter too.

All right. Out of pity
she deserves the best.

What do you want me to say?

You want me to tell you
to go out and hire, uh...
Andrae Crouch?

Who? Huh?

Look, Florence will be fine.
Now why don't you two just...

Hey, wait a minute.
Andrae Crouch?
I've heard of him.

Ain't he a gospel singer?

Yeah. One of the
best in the world.

Huh. Somehow I never
figured you for a guy

who would get
down to gospel music.

Well, I may be an
Episcopalian, but I
can still get down.

Yeah. I know you can
get down, Willis,

but where do you keep the
crane to help you get back up?

Ho, ho, that's very funny.

Come on, Willis,
now this is serious.

Andrae Crouch is just
the kind of person I'm
looking for.

But he sang before ,
people at the Garden!

Why would he sing
at Jessica's baptism?

Because I'm George Jefferson!

And I'm Tom Willis.
Pleased to meet you.

And I repeat, why would he
sing at Jessica's baptism?

I don't know. I'll figure
a way to get him there.

What do you know
about the man?

Well, he's an
ordained minister.

He is? I thought he
was a Baptist minister.

Look, George, why don't you
just do yourself a favor.
Go with Florence.

Look, I want Crouch
and I'm getting Crouch.

And I'm getting pimento loaf!

Tell Helen I went
back to that deli.

Wait a minute.
Do you know what
hotel he's staying in?

Well, I read in the paper
where they gave a little
party for him at the Plaza.

And I'll bet they
had pimento loaf.

Get out, Willis. I gotta
find me a singing minister.

George, you're never
gonna get him.

I'll get him, I'll get him.

Yeah, sure, sure.
Pimento head.

Hello, Plaza Hotel?
Is Andrae Crouch there?

Uh, no, he doesn't know
me, but I'm sure he'll
wanna talk to me.

My name? George Jefferson.

Uh, the Reverend
George Jefferson.

Oh, hi, George.

I can't wait to show you the
new shoes I bought when...

Why'd you take
the painting down?

Well...

The Last Supper?

Yeah, well, I figured it would
help Florence's cooking

if she could see what
real food looks like.

But I don't understand.

And a new Bible too?
Sure.

But what was wrong
with our old one?

Weezy, that thing
was years old.

I'm sure a lot of new stuff
must've happened since then.

Look, I got a very special
client coming over any minute.

Why don't you go up to Helen's
and show her your new shoes?

But I wanted to
show them to you.

I know, I know,
Weezy, but see,

just the other day,
Helen pulled me to the side
and with tears in her eyes,

she said, "You know something,
Louise never shows me her
new shoes first."

So why don't you give
the woman a break, Weezy.

Go up and show her
your new shoes first.
She'd really appreciate it.

But, I don't...
Come on, Weezy, look.

In fact, make a day of it.
Show her your feet, too.

Religious music, a-ha!

Religious music...

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
And now, it's time for
our Punk Music Hour.

Here's Dead Meat, singing
Please Step On My Tongue.

Reverend Jefferson?
Oh, yes.

I'm Andrae Crouch.

Come in.

Let me turn this thing off.

Have a seat.
Thank you.

Oh, those darn kids of mine.

I don't know how they ever
get their homework done.

Yes. Well, this is quite a
nice home you have here.

Oh, thank you.
Well, like I always say,

it's easier for a needle
to get into heaven

than a rich man to
squeeze into a camel.

Now, Reverend, about this...

Oh, please, don't
call me Reverend.

I'd rather be referred
to as just a simple...
Man of the cloth.

Cloth?

Believe me, if it wasn't
for cloth, I wouldn't be
what I am today.

I see...

Now according to your
phone message, uh,

you said you had some
sort of vision last night?

Oh, that is correct, yes.

You see, there I was
lying in my bed,

when all of a sudden the
room got real, real cold
and real, real dark.

Has that ever happened to you?

Yes, many times.

Oh! What's the
first thing you do?

Pay my electric bill.

But see, you don't understand.

This was different. Like I
said, this angel came in.

And he walks over
to me and tells me,

"George, be ye not afraid."

That's it?

Yeah, what do
you make of that?

Well, I would say
that it meant

ye shouldn't be afraid.

Of course! Why didn't
I think of that?

My, look at the time!
Hey, I really gotta go...

Wait, wait, wait!
There was something else.

I was afraid of that.

Like I was saying.
This angel guy,
he walks into my room,

and he tells me that I
should get in touch with you,

because the next baby
girl's baptism you sing at

is destined for
greatness, see?

Let me see if I
got this straight.

You say an angel
appeared unto you.

In your bedroom.

Told you not to be afraid.

And then asked you to get
me to sing at a baptism?

Mmm-hmm.

Man, you're lying your
socks off, aren't you?

I thought so.
Hey, I gotta leave.

Oh, look, you see...
Sunday is my, my
granddaughter's baptism.

You just gotta sing
for her, please?

Here, look, this
is her picture.

Aw, she's cute.

Yeah. She's a big
fan of yours, too.

In fact the first words she
ever said was, "Andrae
Crouch is a good singer."

Well, this would mean a
whole lot to you, huh?

All right, I'll do it this
one time, as a favor to a
fellow man of the cloth.

Oh, thank you!

Boy, you really made a
lot of people happy.

I'll tell you what,
I'll call the hotel

and leave the name,
the place and date.

Okay, but there's
just one more thing.
Yeah.

If ever you're
lying in your bed

and an angel really
does appear unto you,

I hope he's an
Edwin Hawkins fan.

George, I can't believe you
got Andrae Crouch to baptize
our granddaughter.

I just hope Florence wasn't
too hurt when you told her
she couldn't sing.

Well, she was at first.

But to cheer her up,
I got Ralph to take
her on a long drive.

Now, I know a lot of
you are surprised to
see me here this morning.

ALL: Uh-huh!

And I was caught a
bit off guard myself.

But now that I'm here,
I want to rejoice.

Yeah.
All right, now!

I want us all to rejoice!

'Cause a baptism is
the presentation of
another soul to the Lord.

Can I get an "amen?"
ALL: Amen!

Hear, hear.

Now, I would not
be here today,

were it not for the efforts
of a very special man.

ALL: Amen!

A kind man.

ALL: Amen!

A considerate man.
ALL: Amen!

The Reverend George Jefferson.

ALL: Say what?

Reverend?

It's a business
term, Weez.

You know, like the Mafia,
they use "godfather."

Well, in the dry cleaning
business we call each
other Reverend.

Reverend Jefferson, would
you mind just coming up

and saying a few
words to the people?

Come on, now. Let everybody
take a good look at you.

He's so modest.
Come on, come on.

Reverend Jefferson,
everybody.

Say a few words to the
congregation. God bless you.

Uh...

Hi.

Uh, as I look out over
the congregation,

I am reminded of
that old parable

about the rich camel

that tried to get
into needle heaven.

But I won't
bore you with that.

I tell you what...

Why don't we take this
moment to bow our heads

in silent prayer?

So!

So! Ralph was gonna
pick us up and get us
here on time, you said.

"Oh, I'll let you use
my van," you said.

"So you could ride in
comfort," you said.

If we weren't inside a
church, I'd dust you.

Is something wrong, ladies?

Ralph tried to take
us to Canada!

Well, did you
have a nice trip?

Lovely until we
hit the moose.

Hey, look.
There's Andrae Crouch!
What's he doing here?

Shh, he's gonna
sing in a minute.
Oh, is he gonna sing with us?

No! He bought some
good singers with him.

Jenny said we were
supposed to sing.

Look, Florence, you already
k*lled a moose today.

Let these people live.

Don't worry about
these people.

It's the bald eagle I'm after.

Just go.

Very inspiring.

Tell me, what do you do
at your Easter service?

Sack out on the pews?

Look, I gotta tell you
something, Reverend, um...

I know, I know. You're
not a real reverend.

You knew all along?
Mmm-hmm.

But how? Was it
my delivery, my walk?

Even more simple than that.

Jefferson Cleaners
does our choir robes.

Oh. But if you knew I was
tricking you all along,

why'd you agree to come here?

Well, George, it's like this.

I figure any man that
would go to the lengths
that you went to

for his granddaughter,
must love her very much.

And I like to sing where
there's a lot of love.

All right, Reverend.

Amen.

And thank you.

At this time, the
Reverend Crouch

has agreed to bless
us by singing a song.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
one and only Andrae Crouch.

Do me like the Lord
no, they can't

Do me like the Lord
can't nobody

Can't nobody
do me like Jesus

Let me tell you
what I did

I came to Jesus
just as I was

And He has made me
glad yeah, yeah

Nobody can do
me like Jesus yeah

He's my friend
He's my brother man

He's my bridge over
troubled waters

He's my joy in the
midst of sorrow

I said He's,
He's my Oh!

I said can't nobody
do me like Jesus

Can't nobody
do me like the Lord

Can't nobody
do me like Jesus

Can't nobody
do me like Jesus

Can't nobody
do me like the Lord

Can't nobody
do me like Jesus

Yeah, whoo!

Can't nobody
do me like Jesus