08x24 - Lesson in Love

[bunniefuu]

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To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

-

-

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

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To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

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-

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Weezy!

Hey, Weezy, sugar.

Yes, George?

Hey, you know
what we were talking
about doing earlier?

Yes.

Well, I was thinking maybe
we ought to do it now.

Now? Right here
in the living room?

What if Florence
catches us?

Don't worry about her.
She's out on a date.
She won't be back for hours.

Well, what about
the neighbors?

You know how much
noise we make.

Come on, Weez,
we don't do it that often.

Okay, tiger.
You put on the music.

All right.
I'm excited already.

Me too.

-Shake your hips.
-Yeah!

Hey, yeah. Hit that!

Yeah!

Well, good originality,

they work well together
as a team,

and I gave her
extra points for
dancing with a midget.

Florence, what are you
doing here?

Well, from the looks of it,
busting up a sock-hop.

Well, we weren't
expecting you back
so soon.

I know.
We had an early dinner.

Oh, Fred, I'd like you
to meet Miss Jefferson.

-Hello.
-Hello, Fred.

And this is, uh...

Well, I wouldn't like
you to meet him, but
I guess you have to.

-George Jefferson.
How are you?
-Hello.

George, why don't
we leave Florence
and Fred alone?

Why, you got something
against Fred?

Don't mind Mr. Jefferson.
We tease each other
all the time.

Isn't that right,
you adorable little warthog?

Come on, George...

No, no, folks.
That's okay.
I gotta be going.

It's been a lovely
evening, Florence.

Well, do you have
to leave so soon?
I mean, it's early.

Well, see, I'm in
the roofing business and
if I don't get enough sleep,

I can't stay on top
of my job.

Oh, Fred, you're a card.

Ain't he a card?

You're a card.

-But will you call me?
-Oh, sure, sure.

-Uh, when?
-Uh, soon.

Okay.

Uh, good night.

Goodbye.

Go ahead, Florence!

You must be real serious.
He shook your hand
and everything.

You know, somehow,
I don't think Fred
had a good time.

What are you talking about?
At least he touched you.

George, how could you
be so cruel?

Just after Florence
just got dumped.

Oh, I didn't mean dumped.
I mean, dropped.

No, I mean, uh...

Oh, that Fred sure is
a card, isn't he?

I thought sure Fred and I
were gonna hit it off.

I really liked him.

Well, what happened?

I don't know.
After dinner, he wanted
to go back to his place

just the two of us,
and I wanted to come home.

You don't suppose
he was after my body?

It just occurred to me
why your hair
keeps falling out.

Why?

And why is that?

You ain't got nothing
up there for it to root in.

Hey, Florence.
I found a man for you.
Listen to this.

"Yukon lumberjack
seeks sturdy woman

"to cook, clean,
set bear traps,
and skin elk."

It's perfect.

"Must have
good personality."

Well, I'll keep looking.

Ain't you gonna
come back at me?

Mr. Jefferson, I'll come back
at you when you say I can't
cook and I can't clean.

Because I know you wrong.

But when you say
I can't hold on to a man,

I ain't so sure
you're wrong.

Florence, get the door.

You mean after the way
you've been treating her,

you expect her
to get the door?

Yeah, you right, Weezy.
In that case,
you get the door.

Suddenly, skinning
an elk in the Yukon
actually sounds inviting.

Hi, Mrs. Jefferson.

Yes?

I'm Wallace Kenwood.

Oh, Officer Kenwood!
Didn't recognize you
out of uniform.

Well, I'm off duty.
Is your husband in?

Oh, yeah, hi.
I'm George Jefferson.

Oh, Officer, if it's
about that parking ticket,
you see, I'm a doctor.

I thought you owned
Jefferson's Cleaners.

Oh, yes, I do.
Well, you see, medicine
is, uh, just a hobby.

Yeah. I was wondering,
have you made a donation

to the Send a Boy to Camp
program yet?

-Yes, I have.
-That's good.

Because I'm collecting
for the Send a Girl
to Camp program.

Would you be interested
in making a donation?

Well, let me ask
you a question.
Between all these collections,

when do you find
any time to do
some real police work?

Well, I guess
when I go back on duty,

I could go downstairs
and ticket one of your vans.

-I'll write you a check.
-Mmm-hmm.

Would you care
for a cup of coffee

while my husband
figures out if this
is deductible or not?

Sure, thanks.

Uh, oh. Officer Kenwood,

this is Florence.

Oh, Florence.

You are as beautiful as
the beautiful city in Italy
that bears your name.

Florence?

Florence, this is
Officer Kenwood.

But you can
call me Wallace.

Wallace? Wallace.

Oh, oh, I'll get
your Wallace, coffee.

I mean I'll get your
coffee, Wallace.

That is a fine
looking woman.

Huh?

Huh, I thought policemen
had to pass an eye test.

Excuse me.

George, would you stay here
and continue to be charming?

Say, look, Officer Kenwood.

Will this donation
guarantee me that
I'll never get arrested?

-No.
-Will it guarantee I won't
have any speeding tickets?

Afraid not.

Florence, guess what
Officer Kenwood just
told George?

"Get a hair-weave."

No.

He said he thinks you are
a fine looking woman.

Really? No.

Really? No.

Really?

Well, what do you
think of him?

Well, I think he's good
looking in a sort of

I'd cut off my right
arm to go out with him
kind of way.

Well, there you go.
You like him and
he likes you.

So get out there.

Yeah, we could chat a bit.

He'd probably ask me out.

Take me to a fine
restaurant, buy me
an expensive dinner,

get to know me,

lose interest,
bring me home early,

break my heart.

Let's face it,
Miss Jefferson, that's
the story of my life.

Oh, come on.
Sometimes in romance
you have to take chances.

I did with George.

I know.

I'm sorry.

But it turned out fine.

And the same could
happen to you.

Now, are you willing
to give it a try?

Well, yeah.
So what do I do now?

Well, I know this might
sound a little radical,

but you could try
talking to him.

That's a good idea.

You know, you still
kind of with it for
somebody your age.

-J-walking?
-Nope.

-Littering?
-Afraid not.

Okay, then, what is
this check good for?

A pair of shoe laces.

Well, Florence, isn't there
something you would like
to ask Officer Kenwood?

Uh, would you like some
cream in your coffee, sugar?

I mean...

Would you like
cream and sugar
in your coffee?

Really, I've got to run,
but, Florence, would you
be interested

in going out
with me tonight?

-Tonight?
-Mmm-hmm.

Wait a minute.

You just waltz in here
out of the clear blue sky.

I mean,
I don't know you
from Adam.

And you expect me to
go out with you tonight
on such short notice?

-Well?
-Give me five minutes.

Actually, I meant
later on tonight.

I'll give you a call
after I finish
with my collections,

and we'll
go out to dinner.

Okay, that sounds fine.

Listen, Florence,
George and I were
planning to go out tonight.

-We were?
-Yes.

So why don't you just stay here
and prepare a nice dinner
for you and Officer Kenwood?

Florence, for God's sake,
don't cook.

The man's got a g*n.

You're lucky it's against
the law to sh**t bald eagles.

All right, well,
I've got to be going.

But I'm really looking
forward to tonight.

Me too, Wallace.

I'll walk out with you.

I have to go down
to the Help Center.

Oh, and by the way,
thanks for the donation,
Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, no thanks needed.

Tell me about it.

Congratulations, Florence.
Against all odds,
you've got yourself a date.

-Uh-huh.
-What do you mean, "Uh-huh"?

This could be the most
exciting or minutes
you ever had in your life.

No, it won't,
because when he calls,
I'm canceling.

Are you crazy?
You've got a live one here.

You gonna throw him back?

Yeah, because I'm
through kidding myself.

This date will probably
turn out just like all
the others have lately.

Oh, come on, Florence.
You just had a streak
of bad luck, that's all.

Yeah, that's the story
of my life.

I can see it on
my tombstone now.

"Here lies
Florence Johnston.

"Alone."

Oh, come on, Florence.
Stop being ridiculous.

Go ahead out there
and have yourself a good time.
Everything is fine.

No, no, you were right.

I guess there's something
wrong with me.

Look, Florence,
I was only kidding.
I'm on your side.

Look, anything you need,
you just name it.
I'll get it for you.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Well, I guess I could
use a man's point of view.

Okay.

You know where
I could find one?

Okay, forget it.
Forget it.

Oh, I'm sorry.
This time I was teasing.

It's just that, well,
it's kind of tough to
talk about, that's all.

Okay.

How come lately
men haven't been asking
me for a second date?

Well, let me see.

How can I say this
without hurting
your feelings?

It's because on
the first date they had
such a rotten time.

Florence, men have drives.

See, I'm old-fashioned,
and I don't want to hear
about none of them drives.

That's not what I'm
talking about. I mean,
this is the s, Florence.

And let's face it,
you're a lot closer to
than you are to .

Look, I ain't no
loose woman, and I ain't
gonna be for nobody.

I'm not telling you
to be a loose woman.

All I'm doing is saying
limber up a little bit.

Well, I don't know.
What kind of things are
you talking about doing?

Okay, for one thing, your
biggest problem is you're
always on the defense.

You gotta learn to be
on the offense sometimes.Like me.

I'm the most offensive
person in the world.

I heard that.

Okay, maybe it will help
if we rehearse how you
should act tonight, okay?

Now, you be you,
and I'll be
Officer Kenwood, okay?

Now, we just finished
having dinner.

Somehow, I managed
to survive, okay?

Now it's just
you and me, okay?

Now how do you act?

-I don't know.
-How do you act?

Okay. You're
Officer Kenwood, right?

-Right.
-Well, where's
the rest of you?

I don't have to
sit here and be
insulted, you know.

I can go anywhere
for that.

I'm sorry,
it's just that it's hard
for me to picture you

as a young, handsome,
sexy man.

Yeah, you right.
I ain't young no more.Okay.

Okay, we'll do
it this way.

You be officer Kenwood,
and I'll be you, okay?

Now you sit back
and watch.

Now I'm gonna show you
what a real sexy woman
looks like in action.

Hi.

What is so funny?

I'm sorry, I guess
it's your mustache
that's throwing me.

It ain't no worse
than yours.

Look...

-I don't have to take that.
-I know, I'm sorry.

Let's not argue.
Let's stay out of it.

The next step, okay?

Now, okay...
Now we're having
a drink, okay?

Ew! This drink is strong.

Are you trying to get me
tipsy so you can take
advantage of me?

Oh! I caught you looking,
you naughty boy.

I don't know
why I do this.

Every time I drink,
it goes right to my head.

Too bad you ain't
drinking hair.

Look, Florence, I'm only
doing this to help you.

Would you please
be serious?

I don't know, Mr. Jefferson.
It just ain't in me
to act like that.

I ain't gonna throw
myself at no man.

Okay, then watch this.

This is what you call
The Coupe de Ville.

-The what?
-Just watch.

Oh! I think
I have something in my eye.

Would you come close
and take a look, please?

Look in my eye!

Ain't nothing in your eye.

Of course there's
nothing in my eye.

The thing is, while
he's digging around
in your eye,

you grab him
with a lip-lock.

Florence, a woman like
you has to play tricks
on a man,

or else there ain't
gonna never be
no man to kiss you.

Well, I'm sorry,
but it just ain't no way
I'm gonna act like that.

-Forget it.
-Okay.

It's up to you.
You can live here forever
with me and Weezy

and just get old.

Hmm.

You wanna show me
that move again?

I thought you'd never ask.

Well, as they say
in France, shall we
adjourn to the sofa?

Well,
as they also say in France,
okey dokey.

I'll just get you
a little brandy
to go with that.

Oh, thank you.

You know what they say.
"Candy is dandy, but
liquor is quicker."

Thank you, Florence.

Oh, oh, oh,
caught you looking,
you naughty boy.

I beg your pardon?

I was right.
You are a scamp.

Yeah, well,
whatever you say.

Here's to you, Florence.

No, to us.

Oh, my!
You're not trying
to get me tipsy, are you?

Uh, Florence, you don't
happen to have something
in your eye, do you?

Yes, I do.

I thought so.

No, no, no!
I mean I really do.

Yeah, baby, I mean
I know exactly
what you mean.

Now you just wait!

Now hold on,
I think you got
the wrong impression.

I am not that
kind of woman.

Okay, I can respect that.

But I'm that kind of man.

Whoa!

Florence?
What's going on?

That heathen att*cked me.

She teased me.

She lead me on.

Now wait a minute.

I know Florence,
and she would never
behave like that.

Oh, yeah?
Then what was all this?

For your information,
the only reason I did
that was...

Now, Florence, you ain't
got to explain nothing
to this man.

It's obvious that
you two hate each other.
That's the bottom line.

-So you, out.
-All right, I'm going.

And I'm glad
to be going.

Where you going
with my coat?

Mrs. Jefferson, the next
time you wanna fix her up,

do me a favor.
Call somebody else.

-What?
-Hey, hey, hey, now.

No need to go
into all that.

Obviously, you two
hate each other.

That's the bottom line.

And by the way, Florence,
the roast beef was dry.

Um, oh...

Oh, it's been
a long evening.

-I guess I'll turn in.
-Freeze.

Miss Jefferson,
how could you?

You actually arranged
for me to go out with that...

That... That octopus?

Well, Florence,
I've known him for years.

From the Help Center.

And he's always
been a gentleman.

I had no idea
he was an octopus.

Weezy, Weezy.

What were you thinking?

Butting in where
you don't belong?

The nerve.

Now what kind of person
would stick their nose

into somebody else's
love life like that?

And you.

It's been a long evening.
I think I'll turn in.

Freeze.

You're the one
that butted in.

If it hadn't been
for your dumb advice,

I wouldn't have been
out here acting like
a newborn fool.

George, George, George.

What were you thinking?

Butting in where
you don't belong?

The nerve.

Well, I wouldn't have
butted in if you hadn't
butted in first.

But your butt was
worse than mine.

Just hold both
of your butts.

I mean, how dare you?

Messing around
in my private life?

You didn't think I could
handle a simple dinner
date on my own.

You had no
confidence in me.

Do you know how
that makes me feel?
Do you?

Florence, you're right.
We got carried away.

But it's only because
we care for you.

We want you
to be happy.

But we shouldn't
have meddled.

I wouldn't blame you
if you never spoke
to us again.

Yeah, I wouldn't
blame you either.

In fact, I'd probably
give you a raise.

LOUISE: George!

Well, it just makes me feel
terrible that you two think
I can't get a man on my own.

And you know something,
I can't.

I mean, if you hadn't
arranged a date
with that turkey,

I wouldn't even have
had one to mess up.

And you,
you knew that the real
me wouldn't work.

And I guess I proved
being somebody else
don't work either.

So the real bottom line is,
when it comes to me and men,
nothing works.

-I'll get it.

At least I can do that.

Hello?

George, I'd say
we really blew this one.

Yeah, especially you.

-Me?
-Yeah!

I always wanted a butler.

So now what are we
going to do?

I've never seen
Florence so down.

I don't know.

Ooh-whee! Hey, now!

Guess who that was?
That was Fred, my date
from yesterday.

He said he misses me,
and he wants me to go out
with him again tomorrow night.

Oh, Florence,
that's wonderful.

And you know what he said,
Miss Jefferson? He said
I'm worth waiting for.

And you know something?I am.

Oh!

You bet you are.

Oh, and just forget
what I said. I know you
were trying to help me.

Yeah, right!

Oh, I didn't tell you,
Mr. Jefferson, but you made
a pretty good me.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, so how about cleaning
off them dinner dishes?

I got to go rest up
for tomorrow, child.