09x10 - Appointment in 8-B

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live
it's you and me, baby

Ain't nothin' wrong
with that

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Here's your eggs,
Mr. Jefferson.

And let me tell you, I went
through a lot of trouble to make
them for you.

I hate eggs.

Well, in that case,
it was worth the effort.

Florence, I don't have time.
I got an appointment.
I'm already late.

Well, what am I supposed
to do with all this food?

Use the food to k*ll a mouse.

I tried that.
You wouldn't eat it.

Oh, hi, George.

-Bye, Weez.
-But, George, wait a minute.

-What?
-I have to talk to you
about something.

-Weez, I'm in a hurry.
-I, oh, but this
is important.

George, do you like
being married to me?

Weezy, I thought
you said it was important.

It is.

George, you're not getting
tired of me, are you?

Weezy, what are you
talking about?
Of course not.

What makes you think that?

Well, I was kind of
concerned about
what happened last night.

Nothing happened
last night.

That's why I'm concerned.

Look, Weezy,
I had a headache,
that's all.

I know.
And the night before,
you had a stomach ache.

And the night before
that you just had
to watch TV.

Now wait a minute.
That was important.

Look, you know if you miss
one episode of I Love Lucy

you're lost for
the rest of the series.

Well, I just wanted
to make sure that you
still find me attractive.

Come on, Weez.
Don't get disgusting.

I mean, it's light outside!

George!

Look, Weez.
I know what
you want to know.

You want to know
if I still think that
you're sexy and seductive.

Well, look, I tell you what,
if there's nothing good
on television tonight,

you've got a date.

Well, hello there,
Mr. Jefferson, sir.

What brings you
to the eighth floor
this fine morning?

I've got an appointment
with Miss Sanderson.

Oh, an "appointment."
I see.

Right, sir.
Whatever you say.
You, dog, you...

No offense, Cinnamon.

Look, Ralph.
I'm telling you,

Miss Sanderson
manages a restaurant,

and I just wanna try
to get her cleaning contract.

Of course, sir.
Of course.

But if I were you,
I'd think of a specific name
for that restaurant.

Holds up in court.

Ralph, I'm telling
you the truth.
This is the bid.

Nice touch.

Well, why don't
I just run along?

-Yeah, why don't you?
-Yes, sir. Will do.

And don't worry
about a thing, sir.

Your secret's
safe with me.

You, dog, you.

Miss Sanderson?

Mr. Jefferson.
I'm sorry.

I completely forgot
about our meeting.

What meeting?

About the
cleaning contract.

Oh, yeah. Cleaning.
Yeah, I'm connected
with that, ain't I?

Uh, listen, do you suppose
we could postpone
our meeting?

Oh, oh, yeah, sure. Okay.

Look, anyway,
I just wanted to bring
this bid by.

You know, I'll come back
when I've had a chance
to look you over.

I mean...

after you've had
a chance to look it over,
you know.

The bust
I'm talking about.

I mean the bid, the bid.

Uh, excuse me.
You remember where
the elevator is?

Oh.

Who was that?

Nobody, George.
Just somebody I have
some business with.

Well, put it on
the back-burner, baby.

'Cause you got more
important business in here.

DEDE: Oh, George.

You're the best, George.

Mr. Jefferson,
you dog, you.

Ms. Jefferson. Door.

LOUISE: I'm busy, Florence.

Oh, I tell you.
Good help is
so hard to find.

Oh, hi, Ralph, what's up?

Hello, Florence.

Uh, oh.
You've got some gossip!

I can tell 'cause you've got
them Rona Barrett eyes.

Okay, what've you heard?

First, what've you heard?

Okay.

Mrs. Glick's has got
a bun in the oven, child

and don't know
who the baker is.

Yesterday's news.

Well, the Wondermans
are getting a divorce.

Really.
What seems to be
the problem?

Well, it seems that
Mrs. Wonderman found out
that Mr. Wonderman

could be
Mrs. Glick's baker.

That is a tasty morsel.

I can peddle that one.

Okay, Ralph.
Cough up.

This is more than
a cough, Florence.

This is a major
bronchial att*ck.

What?

Well, there's this certain
dry cleaner who shall
remain nameless...

-Mr. Jefferson?
-That's him.

And there's also
a Miss Sanderson
on the eighth floor.

The one who likes
to "entertain."

Yeah, so?

Well, let's just say
that Mr. Jefferson is
this week's co-star."

Now that ain't true, Ralph.

Florence, I saw it
with my own eyes.

I heard it with my own ears.
And there it is in
black and white.

I'm sorry.
I don't care.

Now the man might be
bald, short, loud
and obnoxious,

but I ain't gonna listen
to nobody saying
nothin' bad about him.

Florence, I'm telling you...

Look, I'm telling you
he didn't do it.

-Do what?
-Uh, who?

Uh, Ralph, what were you
telling Florence about
Mr. Jefferson?

Why, Mrs. Jefferson,

what makes you think
we were talking about him?

Well, I heard the words
bald, short, loud
and obnoxious,

and I know my husband.

Out with it, Ralph.

Well, I really
must be going...

Uh, hold it, Ralph.

Oh, uh, Florence,
would you put some water
in this, please?

Okay.
But don't pay no
attention to Ralph.

He gossips.

I'm waiting, Ralph.

Well, actually,
I really ought to...

Sit!

Ralph, if there's something
you know about my husband,

I believe I have
the right to hear it.

Mrs. Jefferson, ma'am,
you're like family to me.

I would never say
anything to hurt you.

I'd rather have my tongue
ripped from my mouth than
cause you a moment's pain.

Here's a dollar.

Your husband's
cheating on you.

Cheating on me?

That's a horrible thing
to say.

I know, I know.

That's why it grieves me
so much to tell you

he's cheating with
Miss Sanderson in Eight-B.

Who's Miss Sanderson?

She's a young, beautiful,

voluptuous woman
who can't hold
a candle to you, ma'am.

George with another woman?

I can't believe that.

Why would he cheat on me?

We've been married
thirty-three years.

Well, far be it
from me to say.

That's probably it
right there.

Well, I must be going.
Have a nice day, ma'am.

Uh, Ralph...

Uh, until I get to
the bottom of this,

I don't want you
spreading this rumor
around the building.

You can count on me,
ma'am.

And if it's any
consolation to you,

just because I spread
this trash doesn't mean
that I believe it.

So anyway this new guy
in the office, Ed,
he's a real card.

He told me this
joke yesterday.

He said this husband
and wife went into the
psychiatrist's office

and the wife said,
"Doctor, my husband thinks
he's a dog."

The doctor said,
"Well, get right up
on the couch."

And the wife says,
"Ah, ah, I don't allow him
on the couch."

Louise. That was
supposed to be a joke.

Louise, do you have
something else
on your mind?

No, no, I just have
my mind on
something else.

Uh, Helen, uh,
I think we oughta go.

No, no, it's me.

I'm in the way.

I'll just go back
to my place.

Louise, this is your place.

Oh!

Oh, uh, Louise,
look if you've got a problem,
maybe we can help.

Oh, no.
It's kind of private.

And I really don't
want to talk about it.

Maybe we should
leave her alone.

George is having an affair.

Louise, that,
that can't be.

Of course not.

George wouldn't think of
looking at another woman.

Yeah.

He loves me.

You're right.
I'll just put it
right out of my mind.

Oh, good, Louise.
Let's go, Tom.

Ralph caught him
with another woman.

Whoa.
This is serious.

Oh, Louise, who is it?

Miss Sandersonin -B.

Wow! She's a looker.

Tom!

I mean, if you,
if you go for the young,
gorgeous, busty type...

Which I don't!

Thanks.

I mean, I mean, Helen,
your shape is much better
in the long run.

So, George is cheating
on you, huh?

Louise, maybe you're just
jumping to conclusions.

I mean, if George were
really fooling around,
you'd notice signs.

Like what?

Well, uh, well, he'd be,
probably be less attentive,

make up excuses at bedtime,

have a headache,
a stomach ache,
want to watch TV.

And none of that has
happened, has it?

Look, Louise.
I know George.

He would never do
anything to hurt you.

Tom's right.

I know, but I can't stop
thinking about it.

Well,
then get it out in the open.
Just ask George.

How?
What would I say to him?

"George, pass the salt,
and by the way,

"have you been fooling
around on the side?"

You're gonna
have to find out
one way or another.

So if you can't
confront George,

there's only one person
you can confront.

Miss Sanderson?

Hey, good thought.

I was thinking of Ralph,
but, uh, she'd probably
be even better.

But if I'm wrong,
I'll be embarrassed.

I'm sure you'll be wrong.

But it's a small price
to pay to put
your mind at ease.

All right then,
I'll go talk to her.

Oh, good.
And I'm sure you'll find

that there's nothing
going on.

Oh, thank you, Helen.

She's right.
After all, George has you.

Why would he possibility
want a runner-up in the
Miss America Pageant?

Hello.
Are you Miss Sanderson?

Yes.

Well, uh, actually,
I'm not sure how
to bring this up.

I guess the best way
is to just come right
on out with it.

You're not having an affair
with my husband George,
are you?

Who told you?

Oh...

I just,
I just feel so silly.

Thank you for...
Say what?

I don't know how you
found out about this,

but I'm glad
it's finally out
in the open.

You admit it?

Look, the truth is
he doesn't love you.

He loves me.

-But...
-Hey, I can understand

why you'd be upset
at losing him.

He's so attentive
to my every need.

I mean, the man can't keep
his hands off me.

Let's face it.

Since you can't handle
that hot ball of fire...

I've got to.

In other words,
if the cat's not fed at home,

it'll go roaming out
in the garbage.

Now, really!
There's no reason
to act uncivilized.

Now you listen to me,
you, you, you runner up!

You keep your filthy hands
off my husband.

Hey, George means
a lot to me.

We're in love
and I'm not
giving him up.

I'll snatch you
bald headed.

On the other hand,
there are other fish
in the sea.

Now let me make this clear.

If I ever see you
with my husband again,

I'll show you just how
far silicone bounces.

Florence, isn't it
a beautiful evening?

You disgust me.

And you have
the face of a moose.
So what else is new?

I'll tell you one thing.

If I was your wife,
you'd be in a hospital
right now.

And if you was my wife,
I'd tell them to
pull the plug.

Where's Weezy?

She ain't home.
And I'm glad 'cause
it gives me a chance

to tell you what
I think of you.

You disgust me.

You get up on
the wrong side of the cage?

You know, Mr. Jefferson,
you ain't a handsome man.

And even if you was,
it wouldn't be
worth the effort

to bend all the way
down there to look at you.

But I thought at least
you was a good husband.

I am a good husband.
Ask anybody.

-Here's somebody, now.
-

Weez, Florence says
I ain't a good husband.
What do you think?

You disgust me.

What the hell's going on
around here?

Florence, will you please
leave us alone?

I'd like to have
a "chat" with my
late husband.

What do you mean late?
I'm home early.

Are you sure you don't
want me to hold him,

Ms. Jefferson,
while you kick him?

Maybe later.

I'll be in the kitchen
if you need me.

And remember,
he fits in the blender.

What's wrong with you two?

As if you didn't know.

I don't know,
and I don't even care.

The thing is, look,
I come home in
a romantic mood.

God knows it wasn't easy.

You disgust me.

Weezy, let me explain.

I'm all worn out,
but I'm still willing to go
the extra mile for you.

So, that's what
I mean to you, George?

The extra mile?

Oh, Weezy, c'mon.
Get up off it.

Look, I'm home,
I'm ready for love.

So let's get to it, okay?

Weezy, kissing is supposed
to be a team effort.

George, if you weren't
happy with me,

you could have been
honest enough to tell me.

You didn't have
to go sneaking around
behind my back.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about
Miss Sanderson.

Oh, wow, yeah,
she's a fox, ain't she?

Ooh!

Okay, Florence,
you can forget about your
Christmas bonus.

George, how could you?

She kicked me.

I'm talking about
what you did to me.

For over I've done
everything I could
to make you happy.

And how do you thank me?

By stabbing me in the back.

What?

I know you are
having an affair
with Ms. Sanderson.

Damn it, Weez.

I'm getting frost bite!

You deserve worse,
you weasel!

Look, Weezy, believe me,
it's strictly business between
me and Miss Sanderson.

You pay her?

Of course not!
She pays me.

You disgust me.

Miss Sanderson
manages a restaurant.

I'm just trying to get her
cleaning contract.

Stop lying to me.

I confronted that floozie
and she admitted

she was having
an affair with you.

What?
I swear, Weezy.

I don't know why
she would say something...
Oh, wait.

Weezy, look,
you must remember I am
every woman's fantasy.

Look, Miss Sanderson
probably wants me so bad

that she just made
herself believe that
she already had me.

Poor thing.

What can I do about it?

Don't go away.

-I'll get it.

Hello.

-Hello, Mr. Jefferson.
-Oh, Miss Sanderson!

I'm sorry, but I won't be
able to accept your
cleaning bid.

I'm leaving town.

Mr. Nylund and I
are running
away together.

You see,
his wife is a k*ller.

Oh...

You hussy!

Look who's calling
who a hussy.

You're cheating
on your husband
with Mr. Jefferson.

I'm not cheating
on anybody.

This is my husband, George.

I thought this was
your husband, George.

My husband is
George Jefferson.

Well, this is
George Nylund.

-Oh, how're you doing?
-What's happening?

All right.

I'm confused.

I'm not.

George, this means
your wife doesn't know
about me.

Right.

So, uh, what are we
doing down here?

Oh, Mr. Jefferson,

since we won't be
leaving town,

you can have
my cleaning contract.

Oh, thanks!

Oh, nice to meet you,
Jefferson.

-You're a lucky man.
-Oh, yeah, thanks.

Hey, you're lucky, too.

I mean really lucky.

I mean
you are the luckiest...

Except for me, I'm luckier.

Right, goober cheeks?

George, "goober cheeks"
won't work this time.

Aw, come on, Weezy,
look it's not my fault.

Don't get mad at me.
I didn't start this mess.

Yeah, you're right.

I guess I did kinda
make a fool of myself,
didn't I?

You sure did.

Are you mad at me?

Well, I could be,
except for one thing.

-What?
-You were so cute.

-Cute?
-Yeah.

You were jealous
and everything.

I know it must be terrifying
to think you could be losing
the very best.

The very best?

Well, look, Weez,
I know it's, uh...

It's been a lot of pressure
for me at work

and I haven't been spending
enough time with you.

Well, I guess
I was a little worried,

that after all these years
that you were getting
tired of me.

Oh, Weezy, come on.

We could be married
for years.

I'd never get tired of you.

Oh, thank you, George.

Let's see
if there's anything good
on television.