09x22 - Change of a Dollar

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of
tryin'

Just to get up that
hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin'
wrong with that

Movin' on up

Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up

Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Oh!
Aw, thank you.

To my husband, Tom.

A wonderful man,
who tonight,

will finally receive
the honor he deserves.

Hear, hear.

Ah, just a minute.
Uh, Helen, uh, talent.

A man whose
eye for talent

is finally being
recognized by his peers.

Ah, hear, hear!

I beg your pardon, uh,
Helen, brilliance.

No other one
in the publishing industry

could recognize
the brilliance

of a brand new author,
except my brilliant husband.

Helen...

Ah, drink.

-Mmm!
-Ah!

Well, Helen, I just wanted
to tell you, I thought I saw
a bug in your drink, but...

Oh, Tom!

Oh, thanks for inviting us
to this awards banquet, Tom.

Well, I just wanted
my best friends to be with me
on the best night of my life.

And it was nice of you
to invite Mr. Jefferson, too.

Oh, daddy, I'm really looking
forward to tonight.

I mean, just imagine,
a writer that you discovered

getting the Society of
Humanities Award for Talent.

That's quite a mouthful.

Well, uh, we in the business
call the award "The Shaft".

The Shaft, huh?
I wonder what the statue
will look like.

Well, that's why it's now
a plaque.

But more importantly
is that the writer
that I discovered,

that I stood behind,
that I supported,

is honoring me, tonight,

in front of of the
publishing industry's best

by mentioning my name.
Aw!

Oh, it's right here
in the program.

Ah, let's see, uh.

Oh, here it is.

"And my special thanks
to my very good friend,
Tom Willig."

Willig?

Why that lousy hack
forgot my name!

Looks like you're both
gettin' the shaft.

Oh, well. Look,
the most important thing
is that we know who he means.

No. The most important thing
is that my arch rival,
Bob Dudno, will know.

Oh, does Dudno know?

No, dear, Dudno
doesn't know now.

Oh, please, let's not get
into this again.

What Dudno does know,
or what Dudno doesn't know,
doesn't matter.

Wait a minute.
I don't know Dudno.

Yes, you do
know Dudno.

No, Daddy,
I don't know Dudno.

But you did know Dudno.

Do you know Dudno?

No, I don't know Dudno,
and I doesn't want
to know Dudno.

Hey, it's getting late.
We've gotta get going.
Where's George?

Oh, he'll be here.
He knows we're going.
He's changing at the store.

Into someone else, I hope.

-Well, at last.
-You're late.

I know, I'm sorry.

Oh, Weezy,
you look wonderful.

Well, thank you, dear.

Willis, congratulations.
Helen, beautiful dress.

Oh, thank you, George.

-Jenny, good to see you.
-Aw.

Florence, get serious.

See you in an hour.

Oh, oh, wait a second.
What's with this,
"See you in an hour"?

We're already late.

I know, Weezy,
but I forgot it's Thursday.

I have to get over
to the Queens store and
check out everything.

I'll be back. Don't worry,
but this is important.

But what could be more important
than the ceremony?

This is the day George
counts his money.

C'mon, Weezy.
Look, I just wanna reassure
myself that I'm wealthy, okay?

George, it won't be the same
if you're not there.

No, Mr. Jefferson.
We even called ahead and
ordered you a booster seat.

Florence, this is
a big day for Willis.
We don't need your insults.

Oh, okay, I'm sorry.

Now, go change your dress
and put on some makeup.

There's innocent people
out there.

Oh, George, you're gonna miss
the whole ceremony.

No, I won't. I got the program
and the invitation in my pocket.

Don't worry, I'll be there
when they mention your name.

Oh, thanks, George.

You're welcome, Willig.

DOLLAR BILL:
Hi, I'm the first dollar
George Jefferson ever made.

Take a look at what I've been
seeing every Thursday night,
for the past years.

Watch this.
Ones on the left.

Fives in the middle.

Tens on the end.

And twenties
in the pocket.

Now take a deep breath.

Check your pulse.

Yep, it never changes.

He's the same little guy
I first met years ago.

He was younger and greener,

but then, so was I.

When the moon
is in the seventh house

And Jupiter
aligns with Mars

Then peace
will guide the planets

And love will
steer the stars

This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius

Hurry up, Weez.
This is our opening day.

We don't want to be late
the first day.

LOUISE: Coming, George.

Oh, here, honey,
let me help you.

Hey, this is great, Weez.
We're going right
according to schedule.

We're following
the business plan.

Make the customers
happy, right?

But we're doing it
the classy way,

with free wine
and free cheese.

Ha ha!
What's the damage?

Here.Okay.

Six bottles of wine
for $.?

Weezy, you trying
to break me?

What did you do,
go to France?

Look, George, I tried to
stay within our budget,

but this is the only wine
that comes in a six pack.

Okay. Well, it is
a special occasion.

What about the cheese,
is that classy?

American.
Oh.

But each slice
is individually wrapped.

Oh, nice touch, Weez.
Hey, it looks nice.

One more thing.

Ah!

Now it's perfect.

You know, Weez,
sometimes you're
such a woman.

George, why are you
wearing that stupid cap?

This is not a stupid cap.
This is my lucky cap.

Is it seven o'clock yet?

No, not yet.

Now calm down.
Everything is going to be fine.

I know it's gonna be
fine, Weezy.

It's just that I waited
so long for this moment.

All my life I've been
working for other people.

Now I'm finally my own boss.

But I didn't do it
all by myself, right, Weez?

I had the help
of a real nice person.

Oh, George.

Mr. Dembling from
the loan office.

Oh, look, make a note.
Send a bottle of wine to
Mr. Dembling, okay?

Wait, wait, wait. No, no.
Don't send him nothing.
He don't deserve it.

He's been bleeding us dry
with that new interest rate.

Well, it is his bank, George.

Yeah, I know. But people
are gonna get tired of
paying six percent!

Is it seven o'clock yet?

No.

I don't know when I've
been this excited, Weezy.
You know why?

Because I want this
business to be a success.
I want us to be rich.

Because we are poor?
And you know why?

That's right.

I want to do it
for Lionel, see?

I wanna send Lionel
through college,

so he don't
have to scrape like we did.

And you know what
I wanna do for you, Weez?

I want to buy you furs, I want
to buy you diamonds, I want to
buy you expensive cars.

Oh, George, you don't
have to do that.

Okay, but remember,
I offered.

Well, is it
seven o'clock yet?
No!

Weez, you know
what else we're gonna get
when we are rich?

A watch, I hope.

No, I'm gonna get you
a maid, so you don't
have to work no more.

And she's gonna treat me
with respect.
She's gonna call me "sir".

And we're gonna buy
a nice little apartment,

and move into
a nice neighborhood,
and live like kings, right?

Tell me the truth, Weez.
You really think we're gonna
make it, don't you?

No.

I know we are going
to make it.

Let's drink a toast
to our success.

Great. Okay, while you're
pouring that, I wanna read
you something, okay?

"I, George Jefferson,"

"mogul-in-waiting,
wish to proclaim,"

"herewith, henceforth
and every which-a-way,"

"that on this Thursday,
in the year
of our Lord, ,"

"in appreciation for
all the bad times,
the worst times,"

"and let's not even
talk about your mother,"

"let it be known that
my wife, Louise Jefferson,"

"now and forever
is a % owner
of Jefferson Cleaners."

Oh.

Thank you, George.
Oh!

Now, let's toast.Okay.

To us.

Clink!
Clink!

Is it seven o'clock yet?

Seven-o-two.

Oh, what, Weezy,
how could you let
this happen? I'm late!

Oh, look, the first day open
and we're late already.

Okay, make a note.

When reporters ask
about this day
when we're rich and famous,

tell them we opened
on time, okay?

Got it, George.

All right, stand back.
New York's is gonna
start pouring in.

Oh, Weez, I'm a failure.
Oh, George.

There, there, George.
Everything is
gonna be okay.

Remember, we've only been open
for seconds.

I know, Weezy.
But to a dry cleaner,
seconds is an eternity.

Now, George,
there's no need to panic.

I mean, don't forget,
we've got a great location here.

Yeah, that's true.

You bet it is.
Ed's Donut City was here
before we moved here.

And he was so successful
he was able to retire early
and move to Florida.

That's right. I must be crazy
worrying about it, huh?

Any minute now, people are
gonna start pouring in here.

Excuse me, are you open
for business?

What did I tell you, Weez?
Yes, what can we do for you?

I'd like a dozen glazed,

a dozen chocolate
covered eclairs

and a Bismarck.

What?

Isn't this
Ed's Donut City?

Oh, no. Ed retired
and moved to Florida.

Aw. Too bad.

Forget it.
He's in Florida.

You, see, George?
You lose one customer
and another comes in.

Yeah. Right, hey.

Welcome to Jefferson Cleaners.
What can we do for you?

I think I'm lost.

Oh, what are you
looking for?

New York.

You're standing on it.

-Aw, city or state?
-Both.

Oh, what a break!

Hey, Jefferson Cleaners.
So you're a cleaner, huh?

Best cleaner in New York.

City or state?

Both.

Another break.

Hey, as long as I'm here,
I guess my jacket could use
a little freshening up.

Eh, you notice?

Well, yeah.
I noticed it.

But that's because
I'm a professional, see?

I tell you what.
Why don't you let me scrape
this off of you.

And while my wife is
filling out your ticket,

why don't you
help yourself to some
free wine and cheese?

Well, I don't know.
It's a little early
in the day.

I'll pass on the cheese.

Would you like to
pick your coat up tomorrow?

When's that?

Tomorrow?
Oh, fine, fine.

You could pay us, uh,
cash or with a check.

Pay?

Well, yes, it's an old
American custom.

Oh, I thought I
smelled a rip-off.

Sure, sure, you spot
an out-of-towner and you think
you can take him for a ride.

Huh. Why, the effrontery!

I refuse to stay here
and take this, sir!

Why, to think
I trusted you people.

Why, this probably isn't
even New York.

For all I know
I could be in Connecticut.

Yeah, bend over,
I'll send you there.

Oh, now, George.

George, don't lose
your temper.

Now another customer
is bound to come in.

Oh, come on, Weezy.
There ain't no customers
gonna come in here.

We've got to out there
and find them.

Where are those flyers
you had printed up?

Oh, right here, George.

Like the old saying goes,
"If the mountain don't
come to Mohammed,

"that means he ain't been
advertising right."

Okay, Weez, here we go.

Jefferson Cleaners
open for business.
First come, first served.

Jefferson Cleaners
open for business.

Oh!

Is this Connecticut?

Yeah. Hey, look here.
You wanna earn
a bottle of wine?

Why, I'd rather have
you give it to me,

but I could be flexible.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

If you give out
this stack of flyers,

when you're all finished,
I'll give you
a bottle of wine.

Okay, let me summarize.

If I hand out this stack
of flyers and when they're
all gone, I get my wine?

Right.
Close enough.

You got a deal.

Here.

All gone.
Where's my wine?

Hey, get oughta here.

Another rip off.

Hey, this place is as bad
as New York.

Hey, hey, hey,
Jefferson Cleaners.
One location right near you.

Ah, yeah.

Oh.

Uh, it's over there.

Uh, well, I'm sorry,
George, I didn't want
him to litter the street.

Aw, come on, Weezy,
let's face it.

We've been out here all day,
we ain't had
one single customer.

We might as well go on
to Plan B. You ready?

Ready.

Great. Now remember
how it goes now.

Okay, here comes somebody now.
Go ahead, get ready.

-Right. Yeah.
-Don't forget
what I told you.

Oh, excuse me, sir.
Could you direct me
to Jefferson Cleaners?

Never heard of it.

Aw, you must be new
in the country.

Well, let me tell you.

Uh, Jefferson Cleaners,
when they
clean your clothes,

you not only look better,
but you feel better.

What?
Uh, look.

I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.

You see, there's
a rumor going around

that the starch
that Jefferson uses
in his shirts

cures the common cold.

That's impossible.

What're you talking about?
Look, I didn't make
the story up.

Ask anybody.

Hey, here's somebody now.
Ask her.

Excuse me, Miss?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm in a rush.

I'm on my way to
Jefferson Cleaners.

My mother's got the sniffles.

Aw.

Tell me, Miss, is it true
about the Jefferson Cleaners'
prices?

Oh, if the prices were
any lower,
they wouldn't be prices.

See what I mean?

Oh, but,
what do you know?

All this time we've been
standing right in front of
that legendary store.

I tell you what.

Why don't you run home,
grab all your dirty clothes
and bring 'em back here.

And I'll do
the same thing. Mr. uh...

Casey. Officer Casey.
Bunko Squad.

You know, I'd like to meet
this Jefferson guy.

He ought to be warned
that he's real close to
perpetrating a fraud.

Oh, when I see him,
I'll tell him.

-I'd appreciate that.
-Okay.

That's a lovely dress,
Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, thank you.

Officer.

Aw, Weez. What's the use?
We might as well forget it.

George, what are you doing?

I'm packing up.
George...

Look, Weez, when we decided
to go into our own business,

I pictured it better
than this.

I thought
there'd be customers
lined out the door,

the cash register ringing,
people with smiling faces.

Look, ain't no
customers here.

Don't look much
like a dream now.

George, I won't let you
talk like that.

You can't give up
because I won't let you.

Now, I can say that,
because remember,

you gave me % of
Jefferson Cleaners.

Big deal.
What did I give you?
% of nothing.

It's a good thing
we don't have no customers.

I probably wouldn't even know
how to handle one.

Excuse me.
I have some cleaning here.

Ah!

Well, fortunately,
you caught me at a time
when I'm not too busy.

And fortunate,
I may add,

that you are by far
the loveliest customer
we've ever had.

Why, thank you.

And thank you for bringing
your clothes to
Jefferson Cleaners.

And your clothes will
thank you also,

because we are
the Best Darn Cleaners
West of the Mississippi.

Oh, excuse me,
East of the Mississippi.

Give me your clothes,
please.

Uh-uh. Not so fast.
First I have a question.

Do you offer
prompt service?

Oh, well, sure.
As a matter of fact,

we offer both prompt service
and slow service.

But most of our customers,
like yourself,
prefer prompt service.

May I have your clothes?

Uh, just how prompt
is your service?

Oh, very. Look around.
Do you see any clothes
waiting to be cleaned?

Well, that is impressive.

Normally I wouldn't take
my clothes to
such a small cleaners,

but I have always been
for the little man.

Well, I'm little.

And a new business
tends to be hungry.

Oh, we're
definitely hungry.

So, I'll give you
a chance.

Hey, thank you.
We're a success, Weez!

Now, the name is Cody.
Mrs. Cody.

Well, Mrs. Cody,
you won't be sorry.

And we are looking forward
to having you
as a satisfied customer

for a long time
to come.

Well, I don't know
about that.

You see, my husband
is doing quite well,

and we expect to be
moving to
a better area soon.

Oh, so do we.

Now, can I pick up
my clothes tomorrow?

Uh, oh, yeah,
I'm sure I can
squeeze you in.

Oh, good, good.
Now, you will discover that
I am very fussy.

So never forget.

Light on the starch,
blouse in a box.

Good.
You got it, Weez?

Now, you do a good job
for me,

and I'll be glad to
tell all my friends
about you.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Cody.
We hope you're very popular.

By the way, do you have change
for a dollar?

Change, change.

Oh, yeah. Here you are.
I'm parked at a meter.

Thank you.
Thank you.

By the way, good luck.
I hope you make it.

-Oh, thank you,
thank you very much.
-Thank you.

Hey, look at that, Weez.

History in the making.
Our first dollar.

Oh, yes. Well, it's not
exactly profit.

But it's a start.

I'm gonna hang it up.

I know you
had your doubts, Weez.

You were always ready
to bail out, right?

I'm glad one of us
had a backbone.

Ah, ain't that beautiful?

Gorgeous, George.

I'm never gonna forget
Mrs. Cody.

Because after her,

there's gonna be many,
many more customers
coming through that door,

and we're moving on up.
We're gonna make it big.
We're gonna be rich.

Because you
know why, Weez?

I'm gonna get you
everything you want,
because you deserve the best.

Oh, George.

As long as I have you,
I'll always have the best.

Oh, Weez.

Hi, Mrs. Cody.

Hello, Mr. Jefferson. I'm sorry
I'm a little late tonight.

Oh, that's okay. I've got
all your stuff right here,
just the way you like it.

Light on starch,
blouse in a box.

Thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm afraid, Mr. Jefferson,
that I don't have the money
for the cleaning again today.

I'm really sorry,

but since my husband d*ed...

That's all right.
It's all right. I understand.

You will put it
on my account.

Oh, okay.

Thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

You know, I tell
all my friends about you.

I know you do, Mrs. Cody.
Thank you very much.

Goodnight.

You know, Mr. Jefferson,
you look so nice
in your tuxedo.

Oh, thank you.

-See you next Thursday.
-Goodnight.

Goodnight.

DOLLAR BILL:
Yup.Same thing every Thursday.

Not a bad guy, huh?

See you, old buddy.

Goodnight, George.