09x27 - Personal Business

[bunniefuu]

To the East Side

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot
of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin'
wrong with that

We're movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Florence, do you really
need that piece of candy?

No, but that's
the beauty of candy.

You never really need it,
you just want it.

Hold it.

Do you realize there
are calories

in that one little
piece of chocolate?

Yep.Hold it.

Do you know what that
could do to your body?

Hold it.
No.

First of all, the sugar
will rot your teeth.

Your skin will break out,
your cholesterol will jump,

and the chemicals
and preservatives

will probably eat out
the lining of your stomach.

Enjoy.

I think I'll just go in
the kitchen and have
a nice piece of celery.

Oh, good for you,
Florence.

Don't eat that.

It's not good for you.

Oh, I had no idea.

So, well, George,
are you all through
with work for today?

That's right.

No appointments?
No meetings?
That's right.

Oh, great.

Now for the first time
in three weeks,

we'll be able to spend a lot
of time together.

That's wrong.

I'm going down
to Charlie's Bar and
unwind with the guys.

We're having an arm
wrestling tournament.
They're great.

Oh, really? Well,
if that's what you want,
I'll arm wrestle you.

Oh, Weezy,
I don't think so.

I'll let you win.

Well... No.

Hey, who ate
a piece of my candy?

What difference
does it make?

It wasn't good
for you anyway.

Florence.

Have you got any suggestions
on how I could get George to
spend more time with me?

Sure. Just watch what I do,
and do the opposite.

I'm serious.
He is my husband.

And still you go on.

Yes. He just doesn't
seem to have time
for me anymore.

We're hardly
ever together.

Well, now, Mrs. Jefferson,
I think there are three things
you're not considering.

Number one, you've been
married a long time.

Number two,
he's a very busy man.

And number three,
what a break for you!

Maybe I should
ask someone else.

Maybe I should talk to
someone who's married.

Sure, rub it in.

Oh, uh, Florence.

No, no. That's okay.

Don't apologize.

The damage is done.
I'll just go in the kitchen
and see if I can bounce back.

GEORGE: Hey, Weez, have you
seen my arm wrestling shoes?

They're right next to
your jogging gloves.

GEORGE: Thanks.

Louise, guess what Helen and I
have been doing together?

Cooking.

Oh, Helen must've
called you.

Well, anyway,
we're cooking up this big
romantic dinner tonight,

and I was wondering
if I could, uh, borrow
your Polaroid camera.

Oh, a Polaroid, huh?

Oh, you got a big
night planned?

Oh, you bet.

I just love taking a
picture of a good meal.

Uh, Tom, will you
come in, please?

Oh, sure.

I want to ask you
a question.
Why, of course.

I'm making Chateaubriand
for two,

and Helen's having chicken.

Tom, I'm a little confused.

Oh, you're confused!

I don't know whether to
serve red or white wine.

Actually, I'm having
a little problem

and I was hoping you could
help me out with It.

Oh, why, Louise,
by all means.

Well, let's stop
talking about food.

Hey, candy.

What's your problem?

Well, I have a problem with
George, and I thought I
could talk to you about it.

Since you're my friend,
I know you'd keep it
just between us.

Oh, Louise,
you can count on me.

I'm no gossip.

If I were, I could tell you
about Ed Schwartz's mistress.

And his wife's
drinking problem.

Oh, she drinks
like a fish.

Oh, Tom...
But please, please,
Louise, stop pumping me.

Now go on, tell me,
what is your problem?

Well, he just doesn't seem
to have time for me lately.

Oh, that's rough.

You know, the Rappaports
on the eleventh floor

are going through
exactly the same thing?

Yeah.
The Rappaports?

Well, they stopped
doing things together.

Now they both want
a divorce and, um...

Um...

They've been sleeping
in separate bedrooms
since Christmas.

Uh, Tom...
No, no. Please, Louise.
Don't ask me.

I've been sworn
to secrecy.

I'd better get you
that camera.
Oh.

Well, you know, Louise.

Uh, when a husband and wife
don't make a special point
in doing things together,

well before you know it,
they're doing things apart.

Uh, here's
the camera, Tom.

Thanks.

You know, there was a time
when Helen and I were so busy
with our own interests

that we started
drifting apart.

So, we made a bargain.

We decided that
we were going to spend
at least one night a week

doing something together.

Well, the first
night was easy.

So, what did you
come up with?
Jenny.

Then after that, we had
to use some imagination.

Well, I've suggested
a lot of things to George.

But he just seems
to resist it all.

Now, Louise,
this situation demands
that you take a stand.

I mean, you've got to
be firm, you've got to
assert yourself.

You've got to show
some backbone.

Uh, just don't
mention my name.

Didn't I just
hear Willis leave?
Yes.

Good, then I timed
it perfectly.

Well, Weez, I'm off
to the tournament.
What do you think?

I think that arm would
look good around me.

Now can I ask you again?
Please stay home.

But, Weez, I'm
doing this for you.

How do you figure that?

Well, if I stay here,
we're both be bored.
If I go down there, I won't.

Now, George.

You have not been
spending time
with me lately.

Now I want you to sit down
and let's talk about this.

All right! You're really
fighting for your rights,
ain't you?

Knock it off, okay?

Now, Mr. Jefferson,
I know you don't want
to hear my opinion.

Never did,
never will.

And that's exactly why
I'm gonna give it to you.

Now, if I had a husband,
I'd make sure I'd spend
some time with him.

Yeah, I could see it now.
All three of you.

Three of us?Yeah.

You, him,
and his seeing eye dog.

This is what you want to
spend more time with?

Yes, I do.

Well, then, child, I'm afraid
you need much more help
than I can give you.

Look, this is ridiculous.
I mean, what's the problem?

Correct me if I'm wrong,
Weez, I do love you, don't I?

Love has nothing
to do with this.

We are talking
about marriage.

Oh, you know
what I mean.

Okay, okay. Look, now
I'm gonna stick my neck out.

Good, then your E.T. imitation
will be complete.

Except for one thing.
Go home.

I'm going to let that pass.

Well, I'm not. George, will
you be quiet for a minute?

Now, what were you
gonna say, Florence?

Well, it's obvious that
you are a sweet, kind
and loving person.

And you...

Well,
I'm a Church-going woman,
so I ain't gonna say.

Anyway, what you all should
do is just pick a day
and spend it together.

That's just
what Tom said.

And that's two good
reasons to ignore it.

Get out
the appointment book,
we are making a date.

Okay, let's get this
over with, all right?

Now, good.

Now we're beginning
to make some progress.

How about
tomorrow evening?

No, I've got the store
manager's meeting
tomorrow night.

How about Monday?

Oh, no, that's when
the Help Center's Newsletter
goes out.

Uh, Tuesday?

Nope,
hanger demonstration.

Hanger demonstration?

That's right.
What do you think,

the coats just
climb up there
by themselves?

How about Wednesday?

No, Wednesday's
no good for me.

Ain't nobody...

I'm sorry.

No, Wednesday is when
we have the banquet
for unwed mothers.

Hmm. And Thursday?

Oh, that's our
birth control seminar.

Huh.

Check Friday.

No, Weez, Friday I gotta go
to the Starch Convention
up in Rochester.

I gotta spend the whole
weekend up there.

Yeah, I know how you were
looking forward to that.

Well, we made an honest
attempt to find some time
to spend together,

but obviously there is none,
so what else can I say,
except, "Catch you in bed."

Hold it.

Now, listen, George,
we are going to do
something together,

and we're going to
do it right now.

Okay, we'll do it.

What do you
want to do?

Well, I think we should
do something
that's healthy, and fun,

and give us
a chance to talk.

I know.

Why don't y'all
wax the floors,

take the garbage out,
and wash the windows?

And how's that
going to help us?

I don't know. But it sure
would help me, child.

Hey, I got it.

Let's do what
Tom and Helen do.

Oh, no, no, no.
I refuse to go shopping
for wicker furniture, Weez.

No, no, no, no.
I mean, let's go bicycle
riding in the park.

Maybe a wicker lamp
wouldn't be too bad.

No, come on, George,
let's go, you'll love it.
Oh, Weez.

I mean, here's your jacket,
and we are going bicycling.

Oh, Weez.
Now, George, George,
George. Trust me.

This is going to be
the greatest time
of your life.

Well, you comin' in,
or what?

Okay, so I made
a mistake.

I'm sorry, George.
I thought going bicycling
would be fun.

It was fun.

Now you want to
jump off the balcony?

With any luck,
we'll land on somebody,

and they can have
some fun, too, Weez.

Well, you have to admit
we were having a good time
for a while there.

Right, until you had to swerve
to miss that basketball from
hitting you on the head.

You should have let it
hit you in the head
like a man.

It would have hurt.

And I suppose
this don't, huh?

Well, this would
never have happened

if you weren't ogling that girl
in the short skirt.

I wasn't ogling.

Then how come when you
plowed into me you were
muttering, "Mamma Jamma"?

Look, Weez, it doesn't
matter whose fault it was.

The point is we're both here
with broken legs
and it's all because of you.

Well, George,
there's a good side
to everything.

Now we'll be able to spend
even more time together.

Oh, come on, George.
Let's make the best of it.
It could be worse, you know.

Thank goodness we've got
Florence to help us out.

Oh, yeah, that's right.
Where is she?
Go get her, Weez.

Florence!

Weezy,
she can't hear you.
Go find her.

Florence!

Never mind, Weez.
She left a note.

"Dear Mrs. Jefferson,
I finally got your hint."

"I've decided to take
my two week vacation now,"

"so that you'll be able
to spend more time
with Mr. Jefferson."

"Sincerely, Florence."

"P.S. I still say, 'Why?'"

Well, George, we can...
We can still have fun.

How?

Oh, oh, I just thought of
something interesting.

Do you want to know
what I read in this magazine
the other day?

Ooh, tell me, tell me.
Please, please.

Well, there's an article in
here that said the average
American married couple

converses for
two minutes a day.

Let's make a concerted
effort to just sit here

and talk to each other.

Okay, I'm ready.

Well, I guess that
just about says it all.

Well, I know what
we should do.

We should get the newspaper,
and I'll close my eyes
and point to something,

and we'll talk about
that, all right?

Just thinking about it gives
me goose bumps, Weez.

Good.
Now, the paper is, uh...

Oh, the paper is over
there on the desk.

Which is nearer to you.

So, with considerable
pain and effort on my part,

I'll get it.

Why, you little...

You want me to
get it, Weez?

Oh, no, no, no.
Since I'm up,
I'll get it.

I'll tell you what.

Let's not talk sports.

Again!

Okay, all right.

Here I go.

Now, I'm going to
pick out something,

and we're gonna
talk about it
for two minutes.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, great.

"Hydroponic alfalfa found
high in vitamin A."

Now, how do you
stand on that, George?

Thanks to you, Weez,
I can't stand at all.

George, we used to
have fun.

Uh, remember all the
things we use to do?

Yeah, like walk.

No, I mean,
like playing games.

Why don't we play
a nice game now?

Now see that's the
first decent idea
you came up with

since you told the cop to
take the bicycle off my leg.

Okay. Well, now the game is
over there in the cabinet.

Which is nearer you.

So, I'll get it.

Why, I oughta...

Okay, that's five, seven,
double letter makes ,
triple word gives me .

Okay.Oh, oh, wait a
minute, George.

What kind of word
is "Flebnose"?

Fl...
Uh, it's an insect.

A poisonous bug.

You mean to tell me you've
never heard of the South
American Vampire Flebnose?

No.

Oh!

They're a big
problem down there.

They're amazing see
they live to be
-years-old.

Thus the name, "Flebnose".

I'm going to look
it up in the dictionary.

There is no sense in looking
it up, Weez. They just
discovered 'em last year.

Wait a minute, then how
do you know
they live for years?

Uh, dental records.

Take it off
the board, George.

Oh, come on, Weez, I ain't
said nothing about your
stupid word, "Padnick".

That's yours!

What did I say it was?

A South American duck
who lived to be .

That's right.

I've never heard of
those animals, George.

Of course not, Weez.

And I'm sure there's
a married couple
in South America

playing the same game
right now,
arguing over "cat".

Now, it's your turn.

Now, wait a minute.
I've got to get me
some letters.

Oh, a "Z"!
I need it,
I need it.

Uh-oh, I feel it.
It fell inside my cast.

Oh, come on, Weez.
That was my "Z".

What...
So it was yours?

Well, it's too bad now,
'cause it's gone.

No, it's not, 'cause
I'm gonna get it out.
Stand on your head.

No.
Okay,
we'll get a garden hose,

see if we can flush it out.

Look, if you want it that
bad, why don't you just
cut my leg off?

We'll see if the garden
hose works, first.

Listen,
I know what to do.

Where is that hanger
you use to scratch your leg?

Oh, good idea.
Here. Here it is.

All right,
now be careful.Okay.

Uh, be, uh,
be careful.

All right, Weez.

Take your hand
off the hanger.

Oh, now, you see that?
It's stuck.

Well, that's okay.
The cast will be off
in a few weeks.

I've got plenty
of hangers.

How am I gonna
get this out?

Easy, just lean back,
hold your leg up,
and shake it.

I can't.

Look, can I...
I'll help you out, here.

No, be careful,
George, my leg is broke!

Well, so is mine,
but you don't hear me
crying about it.

Ow!

Shake, easy, easy, easy.
There it is, there it is.

-

Oh!

"Porcupine." I win!

Porcupine?

You mean, you put me
through this agony,

for a letter "Z" that
you are not using?

I used it!
You see the "N"?

It's the "Z"
turned sideways.

Forget it, George.
That's cheating!

Aw, come on, Weez.
You're just mad because
you lost the game.

No, I'm mad, because
ever since we were
put in the ambulance,

you've been doing
nothing but complaining,
and I'm sick of it.

Well, how about
you and your big ideas.

Let's play games,
let's go bicycle riding,
let's go break our legs!

Well, I got another idea.

Uh-oh.

Now, let's see who
can make a snowman.

You're kidding, right?

Hey!

Come on, Weezy. Hey!

Ow! Ow!

What's the matter?
You okay?

You all right?
Yeah, I'm all right.

You know, this is fun.

Yeah, it is.
Right, right.

You see, it's not so bad
being with me, is it?

No, there's nobody better.

George, remember how
we used to cap off our
evenings when we were young?

Yeah, we kinda of messy
for that, don't you think?

No, no, no.
I mean like this.

What?

Shall we?