11x03 - Bobbles, Bangles, and Booboos

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

You know
something, Weez?

The older I get,
the better I look.

I can't wait
till I'm .

Well, why stop there?

Why not imagine
yourself at ?

Come on, Weez,
be serious.

By that time,
I'll look great.

But I'll need glasses
to see how great.

Well, I must say
you're handsome tonight.

And you're going to
look even more dashing
on the television.

I can't believe it.
Manhattan Upclose

coming to our home
to talk to us
about how we live.

Hey, I look great. Whew!

Weezy, sit over here a minute.
I want to see something.

Right there.

Wait. Hold it.

Yeah, that's gonna
look fabulous when
I'm sitting there.

Uh, come to
think of it, George,

you just may not
make it to .

C'mon, Weez,
something's
bothering me.

What?

Well, look,
if the Big Guy upstairs

spent all that
time and energy

making me so
good-looking,

he had to have
shortchanged somebody else
somewhere along the way.

George, I really don't think
that's the way it works.

Oh, no? Then how do
you explain that?

Well, I'm all done
with the cleaning.

I washed the dishes,
I cleaned the stove.

I even polished
the toaster oven.

Hey, I should be
on T.V. more often.

Yeah. They need a replacement
for The Munsters.

Look, Weez, let me
know when the T.V.
people get here,

or when
she leaves.
Where are you going?

Bedroom. We got
another mirror in there.

I mean, I've gotta be fair
and give all the mirrors
an equal chance.

It's working!

He's absolutely
convinced

that he's going to be on
Manhattan Upclose.

Yeah, I can't wait
to see his face

when he finds out
he's really gonna be on

Bobbles, Bungles
and Boo Boos!

Mrs. Jefferson,
you're a genius.

Well, yes...

Well, no...

Oh, what the heck, yes!

But I just can't believe
how perfectly it worked out.

I mean, I was just
complaining to George

about how there was
no excitement happening
for us anymore.

And then,
the next thing I know,

this man approaches me
in the supermarket

and asks if there's
anybody in my life

I'd like to poke
fun at on T.V.

And how many milliseconds
did it take you to answer?

Now this whole trick
centers around

George's precious
cleaning fluid.

Uh, you did switch
the bottles?

Oh, yeah, I switched
'em, all right.

I wouldn't miss this
for nothing in the world.

Me neither.

Oh, they're here.
Uh, George! They're here!

Okay, okay.
Stay calm.

Look, Florence,
get the door.

I'll be sitting over here,
looking natural.

Hi. Stan Fromin,
Manhattan Upclose.
Are the Jeffersons in?

'Cause if they're not,
we don't have
a show tonight.

Oh, sure, Mr. Fromin.
Come on in.
We've been expecting you.

Hi, Stan. It's nice
to see you again.

Nice to see you,
Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, meet my
cameraman, Daisy.

Can't call me a sexist.
I hire broads all the time.

I see.

Well, let me tell
George you're here.

Right.

Uh, George?
Uh, just a sec, Weez.

What is it, sweetheart?
Stan Fromin is here.

Fromin?
From Manhattan Upclose.

Oh, Stan! How are you?

Nice meeting you,
Mr. Jefferson.

I hope I didn't
interrupt your reading.

Nah, nah, it didn't have
much of a plot anyway.

The dictionary?

I thought it was
a little wordy.

A little confusing, too,
wasn't it?

You were reading it
upside down.

I'd like for you to
meet my maid, Florence,

who just blew her
T.V. career.

And, of course,
you've met my wife, Louise.
Sure have.

Now folks, listen,
we want to make this
as smooth as possible.

Now, all we're
going to do is just

follow you around
with the camera

and see what a typical
evening is like here at
the Jeffersons', all right?

You know something?
It's too bad you didn't
get here a half-hour early.

The mayor stopped by
for a minute.

Hmm! The mayor?
What did he want?

Ah, the usual.
Something about New York.

Well, that's
certainly our loss.

But folks, look,
let's get to work.

Now, we're gonna go
walk out in
the hall again,

and we'll start
the tape rolling with
the greeting at the door.

Okay?
Okay, okay.

Okay, let's get
ready now.

All right now, Weez,
you answer the door.

And just act natural.

Florence, what're
you doing?
Nothing.

Perfect.
That's natural.

Ah, Mrs. Jefferson...

Cut! Cut! Cut!
I ain't ready.

Now! Now!

Mrs. Jefferson?

Why, if it
isn't Stan Fromin

from Manhattan Upclose.

George, look
who's here!

Stan? Stan Fromin!
How are you? Come in.

Thank you.

Uh, it is my pleasure
to introduce you
to my wife, Louise.

And I guess I'll have
to introduce you
to our maid, Florence.

Hi, Stan.

I watch your show
all the time.

I think it's one of the
classiest shows on T.V.

Well, thank you.

So what you
got him on for?

Well, I... I...

I see this is going to be
a very lively interview.

Oh, by the way,
Mrs. Jefferson,

may I compliment you
on the lovely apartment,

you and your
husband have.

Oh, I...
Uh, Weez.

Uh, yes, we do, Stan.

Take this lamp for instance.
There's quite
a story behind it.

Well, we certainly
want to hear it.

Okay, it was on sale
and my wife bought it.

Yes?

That's the story, Stan.

And it's always fresh,
no matter how many
times I tell it.

Good.

Oh, I see you're an
art buff, Mr. Jefferson.

Yes, we are, Stan.

In fact, I remember the day
Louise and I walked
into the gallery

and I said to myself,
"I've got to have
that painting."

Mmm! What was it?
The brushstroke,
the mood, the color?

Well, no. I noticed
that the ones that
had the people in 'em

cost twice as much.

Well, the idea was
for him to make
a fool of himself.

I know. But
I never dreamed

it would work out
this well.

Oh, yeah, Stan, I must say,
this painting has given us

hours and hours
of pleasure.

In fact, sometimes,
we may spread
a blanket out under it,

you know, and have
ourselves a little picnic.

You know, it's like
being at the ocean,

except you don't get
sand on your feet.

Oh, speaking of feet,
did you see
my new wing tips?

Uh, maybe
a little later.

But right now, we want to
hear more about

George Jefferson,
the professional.

Okay.
Well...

I'm a dry cleaner.
I have seven stores...

One... Wait a minute,
I shouldn't be
bragging about myself.

I'll let my wife do that.

Louise.
Oh, well, uh...

George is
a very good
dry cleaner.

Excellent.
Tell him I'm the greatest.

Oh, all right.

He's the greatest.

She's always
embarrassing me this way.

Well, you know,
this is perfect.

Because, well,
a great dry cleaner's
exactly what I need.

You see, I have
a little problem

and I thought maybe
you'd be able
to help me with it.

Well, sure. What is it?
Financial problem?
Marriage problem?

No, no, no.
Nothing like that.

You see, I smudged
my jacket on the elevator door

and there's
a small stain.

Could you help me
get it out?

We, in the dry cleaning
business have a saying...

"Neither rain nor sleet
nor gloom of night can
stop our appointed rounds."

Uh, Mr. Jefferson, isn't
that the postman's motto?

Well, you figure
with all the government
benefits they have,

they could come up
with their own
motto, right?

Florence, my
special formula.
Yes, sir.

Oh, you mean,
you have something on hand?

Oh, yes.
George came up with
some special fluid,

and it's great for
getting out stains.

Louise, you shouldn't
speak of things that
are over your head.

You see, Stan,

I came up with a special
fluid that is perfect
for getting out stains.

STAN: Oh.

Florence. Stick around,
the show's about to begin.

You got that right.

Dr. Jefferson is in.
Your jacket, sir.

Certainly. Here we go.

Grease stains,
no problem.

Grass stains,
no problem.

This stain,
little problem!

You sure you don't
wanna see my wingtips?

My jacket.
It's smoking.

Oh, well, I guess you
could say you have
a smoking jacket.

Hey, come on,
my jacket's ruined.

I demand to know
what you put in that bottle.

Wait a minute.
I know what
you're thinking.

But I'm telling you,
that's not my fluid
in that bottle.

Tell him
about it, Weez.

Oh, George.
I wouldn't want to
talk about something

that was
over my head.

Come on. My jacket.
Look at it.

Turn off the camera.
I'll explain everything.

No. I'm not turning off
the camera.

I'll give you
one of my stores.
Six is enough for me.

No, I'm sorry.
I'm keeping
the camera rolling

because I want
our viewers to
see you squirm

when I tell them,
and I tell you

that you're on
Bobbles, Bungles and Boo Boos!

George Jefferson,
how about that?

Boo Boos?

You mean to tell me
this isn't my all-time
favorite show,

Manhattan Upclose?

No.

No, it isn't.
We're putting you on.

Bobbles, Bungles
and Boo Boos,

my all-time
favorite show!

No wonder you didn't
wanna see my wingtips.

Hey, Weez,
were you in on this?

I love you for that!

And you were in
on it too, right?
You're fired!

Oh, but it was
fun, though,
wasn't it, George?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
it was fun.

And I hope
you had fun, too.

And, George,
for being such
a good sport,

we've got something
to give you.

Do you and your wife
like the theater?

Oh, yeah.
As long as
the popcorn's fresh

and the floor's
not too sticky.

No. I mean
the legitimate theater.

Yeah, we pay
to get in.

Well, I'll tell you,
here's what we're
going to do for you.

Now, I've got four tickets
to that smash Broadway hit,

The Green Valise.

And we're gonna
give it to you,
and your wife,

and to Florence
and her date.

Oh, in that case,
three'll be enough.

Well, that about
wraps it up,
ladies and gentlemen.

This is Stan Fromin
saying goodnight

from Bobbles,
Bungles and Boo Boos!

This is
not my work.

Mr. Fromin was right.
That play is excellent.

Yeah. But you know
I can't figure out

what was that
valise supposed to
symbolize anyway?

I have a theory.

I think it represented
a little suitcase.

Those playwrights. Whew!

Oh, George!
We've been robbed!

Well, let's try
to be calm.

Let's sit down and discuss
what to do about this.

There's nothin'
to sit on!

Well, we can't be
calm standing up!

Oh.

Well, who in the world
would have done
something like this?

Who knew
we were gone?
Nobody!

Except those people
from that T.V. show

who gave us
those tickets to
go to the theater.

Wait a minute, I'll bet you
that's who did it!

Oh, George,
don't be ridiculous.

They can't be crooks.
A T.V. show?

Well, how do you
know they're from
the T.V. show?

Where'd you
meet 'em anyway?

Some people approached me
in the supermarket...

A supermarket?
Oh, Weez,
you got sucked in.

Now, wait a minute,
Mr. Jefferson.

You're pressuring her.

You're trying to make
her story sound dumb.

Now I'm sure Mrs. Jefferson
has a very good explanation.

Well, yeah.

Surely somebody showed
you some identification?

Well, no.
Nobody did.

Then may I ask
what made you think

Mr. Fromin was
a T.V. show host?

He had such
nice teeth.

Where are you going?

Your defense
is gonna rest.

Wake me when you have
a better alibi.

Oh, George, I still say
it couldn't be.

How could they have
gotten all of that
furniture past Ralph?

Oh, no I just
remembered.

I told him
to go along with

whatever those
T.V. people said.

I don't believe this.

We get ripped off
and I gotta tip Ralph for it.

Just calm down.
I'll call this Bobbles
and Boo Boosshow

and straighten this
whole thing out.

Because I know
it wasn't them.

Hello. This is
Louise Jefferson.

I thought you were
going to bed.

I was. But I ran
into a problem.

What?

I ain't got
no bed.

What?

Well, look, don't get
no ideas about
sleeping with us.

Don't worry,
you ain't got
no bed either.

Oh!

George, I'm sorry.
They've never
heard of us.

That's okay, Weez.
They will.

Tomorrow when
the headlines say,

''Wife falls for
oldest trick in the book.

"Husband has spinal damage
from sleeping
on the hard floor."

I'm calling the cops.

Oh, Florence,
I feel like such a fool.

Yeah, I know
what you mean.

It was so
stupid of me.

Yeah, I know
what you mean.

Maybe the stupidest thing
I've ever done.

Yeah, I know
what you mean.

You know, you don't
have to agree.

What do you mean?

Well, I told the cops.

Oh, George,
I feel terrible.

But, Weez, why do you
go around trusting
people like that?

That's the worst thing
in the world to do.
Trust me!

What is this?

Oh, a book
of matches.

"Allhands Massage Parlor.

"You're in a good state
with Allhands."

Let me see that.

Hey, wait a minute,
this could be a clue.

Yeah.

I'm going down there
and check it out.

Shouldn't you wait
for the police?

Look, Weez,
by the time
they get here,

our furniture could be
in Alaska someplace.

Then let me go
with you.

This could be
dangerous, Weez.

Please, I want a chance
to redeem myself.

Okay, but let me
give you a little advice.

If these people
put up a fight...

Oh, I didn't like those
arm chairs anyway.
Let's go.

Uh, wait a minute.

Are you all sure
you want to do this?

Yes, we are.

Good. 'Cause the Willises
ain't got but one extra bed.

George, I'm
a little scared.

Well, maybe we should
leave this to the police.

I mean, they're a little
more experienced
in this field.

Thanks, Doll.

Keep the change.

I think you're wrong, Weez.
They're a lot
more experienced.

Now look, remember.

These people are real clever,
they're not gonna
give away anything.

So look for the
tiniest clue. Okay?

George, it's our sofa.

This is
a dead giveaway.

I can't believe it.

This is all
our furniture.

What are we
going to do?

I'll tell you what.

You stay here
and stall 'em,
I'll go get the cops.

What? How am
I going to do that?

You'll think
of something. Here.

Can I help you?

Oh, okey-doke,
what're your
qualifications?

Oh.

I'm not really sure.
I have a variety of skills.

But what exactly
are you looking for
in qualifications?

Are you over ?
Yes, I am.

Welcome aboard!

Now, you can choose
from one of the following
available names...

Angelique, Raven,
Champagne, Ethel Mertz.

Well, uh, can I use
my own name?

All right. What is it?

Helen Willis.

If you say so.

Now, we split all money
- including tips.

Wait a minute.
I have to give you
half my tips?

It goes into a kitty
to bail you girls out of jail.

Oh, I see.

Hmm.

Oh, hi.
Hi.

Welcome.

Make yourself
at home.
Well, in a way, I feel I am.

Oh, uh, Miss,
excuse me,

but would you mind
putting that
cigarette out?

Why, the smoke
bother you?

No, I'm afraid you'll
burn up the furniture.

Carumba, you this
picky at home?

Well, I used to be.

Sweetheart, your feet.

Uh, there's a customer
coming, ladies. Look alive.

Hmm.

Oh, I'll take that.
I'll take that.

I'll give you
the most unforgettable

half-hour

of your life.

Have you ever been
to Paradise?

No.

Fire.

How about them Mets?

I pick you.

Uh, me? Oh, uh...

Well, no, you see,

I really don't do massages.

That's okay.
I don't really want one.

But you don't
understand.

You see, not
only massages,

but I don't do
anything else either.

Especially anything else.

Come on.
Don't make me beg.
I can do that at home.

Uh, really,
I'd rather not.

Wouldn't you prefer
one of these other girls?

I mean, look at
all the trouble
they went to.

Garters and everything.

Hey, lady, do you
work here or don't you?

Uh, yes, I do.
Did you say yes?

Yes, I did...
That's all
I had to hear.

You're under arrest.
This is a raid.

Oh, no.
Come on in, guys.

Well, you
don't understand.

You see, someone
stole my furniture...
Yeah.

...and I, uh...

Miss, do I qualify
for that bail fund?

No!

All right, I'm gonna
read you your rights.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say
can and will be
held against you.

Do you know why?

Because, Louise Jefferson,

you're on Bobbles,
Bungles and Boo Boos!

"I don't do massages."

Weez, you should've
seen yourself!

George! You?

That's right.
You always say we never
have any fun, right?

So I rigged up
this whole bit.

And you knew
we switched your
cleaning fluid?

That's right.
Clever, huh?

And when you approached me
in the supermarket...

That was all
part of the plan.

Oh, and what a plan it was.

You two were wonderful!

But because you're
such good sports,

I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.

We're going to send you
on an all-expense paid

weekend of fun
in Puerto Rico!

Well, thank you
very much.

This is
really something.

But I'd settle
if you would just
get me out of these.

Of course, Uh...
Joe, the key?

I don't have
the key. Darlene?

No. I don't have it.
I thought Kathy had it.

I don't have it.
Crystal?

I don't have it.
Jackie?

Hey, I don't have it.
Mr. Jefferson?

I never had it.

Oh, come on. This is
a bobble, isn't it?

Uh, no. I'm afraid
it's a booboo.

We really forgot it.

Oh, I don't
believe this.

Look, I'm not
laughing anymore.

George,
do something!