11x12 - Sayonara: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

Aren't you
done yet, Grandpa?

Almost. You finished
your half, already?

About a year ago.

Grandpa, why does this
hot dog have arms?

They're not arms,
they're wings.

Grandpa, why does this
hot dog have wings?

Because it's not
a hot dog. It's an airplane.

The one that's bringing
your Daddy home from
Japan for good.

You know, maybe
you're working too hard.

Let me get you
a nice cup of coffee.

Now you're talking!

I sure could use a nice
hot cup of coffee.

Ah!

Okay.

Oh, it looks great.
Thank you.

Mmm. Delicious.

It's mountain grown.

Grandma, Grandma,
look what we made!

Oh, "Welcome home,
Mommy and Daddy."

That's really good.

But why does that
hot dog have arms?

It's not a hot dog,
it's an airplane.

Grandpa drew it.

Oh.

Well, I bet you're
excited that Mommy is
bringing Daddy home.

Uh-huh.
Where is Japan anyway?

Well, let me see.

Do you know
where China is?

No.

Do you know where
the Pacific Ocean is?

No.

Well, do you know
what "east" means?

No.

Well, do you...
Well, it's very far away.

Can I freshen your cup?

Oh, no.
I'm fine, thank you.

He never asks for
a second cup.

What's wrong
with my coffee?

Nothing that I can see.

I sure wish Mommy and
Daddy would get here.

Me too.

We certainly have missed
them, haven't we, honey?

Yeah. They're bringing
me a surprise.

Daddy said it's even
better than a doll.

Mmm. Lucky you.

Yeah. I wish they'd
go away more.

Hi, George. Hello, there.

Aw!

Hi, Jessica.

Hello, pumpkin.

How's my little sugar plum?

You little
jelly bean, you!

Can't you ever get your
mind off of food, Willis?

Louise, I got in touch
with the whole list of
Lionel and Jenny's friends.

They'll be here
in less than an hour.

Great.

Do you think
we should be doing this?

After all, they told us
not to make a fuss.

Oh, they always said the
opposite of what they mean.

I'll say. When Lionel went
away three years ago he said,

"See you soon."

So, what's this mail
addressed to Lionel
and Jenny?

Oh, that's mail addressed
to Lionel and Jenny.

Oh.

Well, we've been picking it
up for them while Jenny's
been in Japan for a month.

And what kind of
person are you?

Don't you know it's not
polite to look through
other people's mail.

Well, it's all junk anyway.

Except for
the Macy's bill,

a letter from Jenny's
college roommate,

and a reminder of
an appointment with
Dr. Green, Tuesday at :.

Well, here it is.
Devil's food
upside-down cake.

Yay!

Yay!

Uh, Florence, I've never
heard of upside-down
Devil's food cake.

Me, neither.

I had a little accident
in the kitchen.

I had to go through with it.
It was a special request.

From whom?
The Devil himself?

No, I didn't bake
anything for you.

You know, I got a postcard
from Jenny from Japan

and she said more
than anything else,

she had a craving
for my cake.

Don't touch that frosting!

No, she, uh...

It's filling in the dents.

Hey, you got any
more of that frosting?

We've got a cr*ck
in the bathroom ceiling.

Hello, Mr. J.
Hello everybody.

I thought these balloons
would add a festive touch
to the homecoming.

Hello, Princess Jessica.

Hello, Prince Harry!

Can I give you
some balloons?

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Why are they flying?

Oh, well, you see,
it's simple, Jessica.
They're filled with helium,

which is number two on the
Periodic table of elements

and thus lighter than
oxygen, which is number six,

and the major
component of air.

Now, when the helium
is compressed into
an enclosed area...

It's magic, dear.

I like magic.

TOM: Oh, Jessica. Let me
show you some real magic.

Hello, Jessica.
Welcome to Munchkinland.

How did you do that?

It's easy. You just buy your
drawers two sizes too small.

Not actually, Mr. J.

You see, the speed of
sound relative to helium

is faster than the
speed relative to air,

and this accounts for
the accelerated resonant
frequency.

It's magic, Grandma.

Oh, that's my cookies.
They're done.

You want to help me
bring them out, Jessica?

Come on, Florence. She's too
young to operate a fork lift.

Mr. Jefferson,
I don't have to listen
to that kind of talk.

Then how
about this kind of talk?

That's just a warning.

Oh, by the way, do you
have Sunday's paper?

Uh, when Jenny called
yesterday, she said that

Lionel wanted us to save
the real estate section.

Gee, that's odd.

Not really. Maybe they're
looking for a bigger place.

Why? The place they
have now is plenty big.

Yeah, even with Lionel
home for good, there's still
just the three of them.

ALL: Hey!

Jenny's doctor...

Uh-huh. And the real
estate section...

And Jenny's weird
food cravings...

Yeah, anytime you crave
for Florence's food,

that's a weird craving.

And Jessica said they're
bringing her something
better than a doll.

Oh, my God!

They're bringing home
a pregnant geisha girl!

Jenny's the one
who's pregnant.

They said they had
something to tell us.

Something important!

Oh, we're going to be
grandparents again!

I just can't wait
to tell everybody!

Oh, come on, Weez. Look,
this is their big news.

Let them announce it.

George is right.
Don't tell anybody.

Promise.
Promise.

Promise.
Promise.

Promise.

Lionel and Jenny
are having a baby!

I don't know
the due date, but...

Well, personally,
I would prefer a boy.

But please,
don't breathe a word of it.

That's right,
a bun in the oven.

But you didn't
hear it from me.

Oops, hey!

Hello? Hey, Ralph.

Great. Huh?

Hey, thanks, Ralph.

Look, the kids just got
out of a cab downstairs.

They should be up
here any second.

Oh, Jessica, they're
coming. Come on out!

Yay!

Now, go in the
kitchen and hide.

Yay!

All right, everybody,
remember how we
rehearsed it earlier.

Hey, Weez,
where are you going?

Oh, I'm just going out
into the hall for
a breath of fresh air.

The same air that's
out there is in here.

Uh, but...
It's better lighting.

I like to see
what I'm breathing.

Welcome home!

Gee, thanks. I only went
out to get cigarettes.

Oh, Lionel.

Hi, Mom.

Lionel, Lionel, Lionel.

Oh, let me look at you.
Oh, you've lost weight.

Didn't you eat well?
Of course you didn't.
Who likes raw fish?

Uh, Mom? Jenny's here too.

Oh, Jenny!
Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess
it's the excitement

of you coming home,
the party, and...

Party! What party?

Oops!

There I go,
Little Miss Bigmouth.

Mom...

Now, it's not
really a party.

It's just your family.
And some friends.

Look, Mrs. Jefferson,
I specifically told
my mother

not to make a big
deal out of this.

Oh, but we know
how you two are.

And now with the
news about the baby!

What baby?

Oh, come on,
we already figured it out.

Jenny is pregnant,
isn't she?

No, I'm not. I'm not.

You're not?
No.

Then what's this big,
important news you've
got to tell us?

Mom, Jenny and I
are getting a divorce.

ALL: Surprise!

LOUISE: Out, out, out.

Out. Out. Out.

Out, out.

Mrs. J, must I leave?
I've always considered
myself extended family.

Lionel, hello.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bentley.
But we have
an emergency here.

You see, Lionel and
Jenny are...

Sick.

Uh, they brought home
a rare tropical disease
from Japan.

Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm just a neighbor.

I thought there was
a party going on in here?

BOTH: Surprise!

Daddy!

Hello, baby!

Oh, look at you!

Look how big
you've gotten!

Same to you, kiddo.

Hey, how about me?

Nah. You're the same size.

Well, it's only been,
what, four weeks?

What did you bring me?

Now, Jessica,
that's not the first thing
you ask somebody

when they've been away
for a long time.

So, how was your trip?
What'd you bring us?

Listen, sweetheart,
maybe we should save

the presents for later.

Yes, later. Right now,
we should all talk.

Uh, Florence,
why don't you take Jessica
into the other room?

And get her packed?

She's already packed.

Well, then why don't you
take her into the other
room and read her a story?

I've already
read her them stories.

TOGETHER:
We're sick of them stories.

Florence, we have something
very important to discuss,

and I don't want to talk
about it in front of the

B-A-B-Y.

It won't work, Grandma.
Aunt Florence
knows how to spell.

Florence, out.

See you later, okay.

Well, we can take a hint.

If you don't want us
in on your gossip,

we'll just make up some
gossip of our own.

Child, have you heard
who just checked into
the Betty Ford Center?

What's going on here?

I think that Louise just
wants to clear the room,

so that Lionel and Jenny

can tell us their
special news.

Why, Helen,
what special news?

You know?
Oh!

[BOTH HUMMING
ROCK-A-BYE BABY]

Oh, that special news.

I... Look, I think
there's some kind of
misunderstanding here.

Look, Mr. and Mrs. Willis,
Pop. Jenny and I...

Don't say it!
Don't say it!

Mom, they've got
to know sometime.

Okay, fine.
k*ll your parents.

You've already broken
my heart to pieces.

Call me crazy, but this
doesn't sound like
a baby announcement.

Listen, we've tried to think
of the best way to break this
to you, but...

They're moving to Japan!

Oh, no!

We're not moving
to Japan.

They're getting a divorce!

Thank God!

A what?

A what?

It's just a divorce, Pop.

I'm confused. Jessica said
you were bringing her home

something better
than a doll.

Yeah, a watchman.

What does that have to
do with your doctor's
appointment with Dr. Green?

Ma, Dr. Green
is a family counselor.

Well, how about that
real estate section?

We thought you were
looking for a bigger place.

No, I'm looking
for another place.

This isn't happening!

I refuse to believe this!

Oh, come on, Willis,
don't you start in.

We'll never get
'em back together.

You're right.

Okay, kids. What is it?

You have a little spat?
What?

Did Lionel forget to
take out the garbage?

That's a little tough
from Tokyo, Pop.

Well, Jenny, you'll just
have to find somebody else
to take out the garbage.

It's not the garbage, Pop.

Oh, well, uh...

Are you having a little
trouble in your sex life?

That's a little tough
from Tokyo, too.

Well, Jenny, you'll just
have to find somebody...

George!

And take that hat off!

Okay.

I realize you're adults,

and you know
what you're doing.

Thank you.

So I have just
one question.

What's that?

How can you
do this to us?

We aren't doing
anything to you.

Lionel and I, we...
We've just grown apart.

Right.

You know, I was taught
that you stick things out.

When a man
and a woman got married,
it was for keeps.

That's right, even if they
grew to hate each other,

they stayed together
for the happiness
of their families.

Mr. Jefferson, Lionel and
I don't hate each other.

Yeah, we're happy.
We're getting
a friendly divorce.

And when is this friendly...

Thing supposed to take place?

It's going to be
very quick, very amicable.

Next month we're all
gonna fly to Haiti, and
take care of it there.

Who is "we"?

Well, Lionel, Jessica and I.

We figured that as long as
we're going, we'd make it
a family vacation.

Yeah.

Well, well, well, isn't
this too, too civilized?

Maybe we should all go,
and make it
a real family outing.

Yeah. Why not?

We'll have adjoining
staterooms, order some
crackers and cheese,

shake up some
banana daiquiris.

What the hell is
wrong with you two?

Now, look, we understand.

This is a lot for you to
accept all at once.

You're damn right it is.

And you are all
too emotional to talk
about this right now.

I am not emotional!

Then why are you yelling?

Because I like to yell!

You see what you've done
to your father!

Okay, okay. Why don't we
all get some rest and talk
more about this tomorrow.

Yes, I agree.

Maybe you're right, Lionel.

I'll go make up
your room.

Oh, that's okay.
I'll stay at our place.

Then, Jenny, I'll go upstairs
and make up your room.

Don't bother, Mom.
I'm going home, too.

Have you two no shame?

Okay, can we go if we promise
to have plenty of shame?

Helen, I...

Look, we have been
through time zones,

and now we're here in
a twilight zone...

And I think we all
need some rest.

Yes, uh...
Jessica, sweetheart?

Mommy, did you know that
Ronald Reagan fell asleep
at the cabinet meeting?

ALL: Aw...

You don't have to
look so sad.

He finally woke up.

ALL: Aw!

I can't breathe!

But I like it.

Okay, sweetheart, let's
say good night to everyone.

Good night!
Bye-bye.

Oh, oh, oh!

Did everyone get
enough kisses?

No!

Okay. All right. Okay.

Good night, everyone.

We'll talk to you tomorrow.

Yes, dear. Tomorrow.

Well...

Well...

Well?

Maybe it isn't so bad.

Maybe not.

It never is as bad
as you think it is.

They seem to be
handling it pretty well.

Yeah, they do.

Yes. We should try to
handle it as well, too.

Yeah, we should.

Handle what?

Lionel and Jenny are
getting a divorce.

A divorce! Oh!

My poor little Jessica,
my poor little Lionel,
my poor little Jenny.

This is the worst thing
that ever happened to me!

Can you believe it?
Our kids.

Yes... Our kids.

My little boy.

My little girl.

It seems like just
yesterday they went
out on their first date.

And we liked him
right from the start.

And we liked Jenny
right from the start, too.

Well, I liked Jenny
right from the start.

He was always
such a good husband
and father.

Who would've thought he
would turn around and
pull something like this?

Pull something like what?

Far be it from me to point
any fingers, but, well...

Lionel and Jenny did
seem a lot happier before
he up and moved to Japan.

Well, I don't want to
point fingers either,

but if he was so happy,

why did he even accept that
assignment so far from home?

What are you trying
to say, Louise?

Oh, I'm not trying
to say anything.

I'm just asking a question.

Oh, well.

I have a question, too.

How happy
do you think Jenny was
trying to raise a child

in New York City, alone,

for the last three years?

I'm just asking.

Well, I would like to
ask you about a father,

alone in a Japanese
hotel room,

unable to shell out
eight dollars
for a hamburger,

because he's sending
all of his yen home

so that mother and child
can buy pretty clothes.

Which her father-in-law
cleans for nothing!

Which is the least you
could do, George.

Since you're the one
who convinced Lionel

to take that job and leave
home in the first place.

Oh, yeah, well, I figured
Jenny would go with him.

Any wife who doesn't
pack up and go with her
husband, ain't no wife at all.

Now, wait a minute,
he didn't have to leave!

Obviously he put his career
before his marriage.

A chip off the old
block, I'd say.

Do I put business
before you, Weez?

That's beside the point.

See.

The Willises just don't
have a very good sense
of how a relationship works.

Maybe that's where
Jenny got it.

Mmm-hmm.

Careful, Louise, you might
just say something
you'll regret.

Don't, Weez. If anybody
says anything he regrets
it's gonna be me.

You know, if you didn't
let your husband walk all
over you like that,

maybe your son would have
learned how to be more
compassionate with his wife.

Yeah!
Oh, shut up, Tom.

If you didn't walk all
over your husband,

maybe your daughter
would have learned
how to respect her husband!

Hey, now don't you make
my wife sound like a witch.

If the broom fits, ride it.

So, why don't you
teach me how?

Wait, wait, hold on.
Weez, look.

Lionel and Jenny
have the right idea.

Jeffersons and Willises
just don't mix.

Well, good.
Just maybe you're right.

And maybe we just don't
have to come around
here for a while.

Maybe that's best.

No maybe's about it.

Well, maybe we don't have
to come around here anymore.

Maybe we'll just move
right out of this building.

Great. I know where
there's a vacant apartment.

In Japan!

Well, that's wonderful.

It'll be worth the commute
never to see you again.

And never is
too soon for us!

BOTH: Goodbye!

BOTH: Good riddance!

Good!

Great!
Fantastic.

No!

It's the worst day that
ever happened to me.