02x01 - Another Disquieting Premonition!

[bunniefuu]

[ISSEI] Eh! Titties!

I'm awake.

Why am I still

seeing lady balls?

The President?

I'm not exactly sure

what's going on, here.

But I might as well

make the most of it.

Issei. Good morning.

Yeah totally

good morning.

Why are you in

bed with me, again?

I'm sorry.

You had gone to sleep

by the time I arrived,

so I decided

to let myself in.

Cool, but that's not the

main issue I've got-boobs.

Oh, I couldn't

help myself;

I felt like sleeping

with you as a hug pillow.

So, this is what

you wanted?

Issei, we've still

got some time.

Do you think something

sexy would help

deepen communication

with my servant?

I am a dude, so, yes,

I think that; absolutely.

[RIAS] Then you

want to come at me?

[RIAS] Don't worry.

I'm willing to do anything

for you as long as

it makes you happy.

[ISSEI]

Anything to make me happy?

So much cool sh*t fits

into one little anything.

Let's do this!

[knock knock]

Oh!

[ASIA] Are you

up yet, Issei?

It's almost time for you to

start your morning training!

[ISSEI] Asia!

Oh, well sh**t;

I completely forgot

about the training.

[ASIA] Issei, can you

hear me? Are you awake?

[ISSEI] Ah, yeah!

I'm up. Just gimmie a sec.

Asia, do you mind

waiting another moment.

Issei and I need to get ready;

we're both still in bed.

Asia, hey, morning!

Sleep okay?

hope you're

doing well today.

[ISSEI] It's not

what it looks like!

Whatever; I'm taking

off my clothes, too!

I swear I'm not gonna

be left out anymore!

It's Five AM!

So up and at 'em,

if you know what I mean, sexy!

So good.

I know you're

technically foreign,

but this tastes

like the real deal!

Well, I've been living

here for a while now.

Either way.

I've never had

anything this good. Yum!

Thank you.

That was sweet.

I have to admit,

Rias, I was surprised

when I found out you

wanted to board here

like Asia is doing.

But, I can't help but love

that you help out with cooking!

Helping you

is only natural, Mother.

Let's not forget

about how much Asia

has been doing with the

cooking and laundry, too.

You are both so appreciated!

Like Rias said, you're

taking care of us,

so it's only natural.

[RIAS] Oh, Mother,

would it be an imposition

for the club members to

come over after school today?

[MOTHER] Sure, that's fine.

What are you

talking about? Here?

The old school

building is having

its annual

spring cleaning,

so the Occult Research

Club won't be able

to meet there

this afternoon.

Having the club meetings

at home seems kind of fun!

I can help host it!

You want me make

sure the tea is ready?

Oh, yes. That would

be wonderful, Asia.

After that BS

went down with Riser,

Rias started being

way nicer to me

than she's ever been before.

But every time that happens,

Asia gets weird about it.

Still though, I can't

help but wonder

what that sexy communication

thing might mean.

[MATSUDA] Hey, Issei, what you

smiling like a bitch for, son?

Dude, what is

your problem?

There are some rather odd

rumors about you lately,

so you might wanna

be more careful.

What rumors?

One, for example,

you're messing around with

super hot ladies and following

the path of certain evil.

[ISSEI] What?

[MATSUDA] Yeah, yeah. For real.

And like, uh, you're using Rias

and that fly ass Akeno's secrets

as blackmail for some

real nasty erotic sh*t, man.

[ISSEI] What?

[MOTOHAMA] On top of that,

you're nothing more

than a villain.

One who has even

turned his perverted eye

to the school mascot,

Koneko Toujou!

It's being said you devoured

her prepubescent body

like a wild beast!

[KATASE] Asia, your hair

is like the prettiest, ever.

[ASIA]

Oh, I don't think so at all.

[MURAYAMA] Shut up. I would

k*ll for blond hair like that.

[KIRYUU] Right?

And, all the boys are

enchanted by your hair, too.

They're enchanted?

[MATSUDA] Besides that,

your bent sexual freakiness

be all up in Asia's business,

and that honey just got here!

[ISSEI] What are

you talking about?

Confession; we're the ones

spreading those rumors!

Huh?

Snap!

If you don't let

us do--you know--

we won't be able to

handle this enviousness!

Yeah, and it may

already be too late, see?

I'm so confused.

[MATSUDA] Chill, brother!

We're not just spreadin'

rumors about girls.

We're also tellin'

people you and Kiba

are gay for each other and sh*t.

[MOTOHAMA]

Did you know some girls

are in to that kind of thing?

Don't f*ck with me!

[KIRYUU] So, the

Three Stooges have given in

to their primal urges and

are talking about sex, now?

[MOTOHAMA] Aika?

[MATSUDA] Kiryuu?

Asia, there are

so many nice boys around.

You don't have

to waste your time

with that jerk

as a boyfriend.

Whaddaya mean

"boyfriend"?

Whaddaya mean

"that jerk"?

Anyway, I'm just helping

her out for a little while

since she's brand new

to this country, okay?

I'm not her

boyfriend at all.

Then why are you

always all over each other?

I mean, the whole school agrees.

There's no way you two

aren't having relations

like every night.

Relations?

What's that?

[ISSEI] Knock

it off, Kiryuu!

We're just

friends! See?

Now, get

that straight!

Uh, so, yeah--I gotta

go do something.

You do? What is it?

Go see Akeno.

Is it your arm again?

Yeah.

[MATSUDA]

What's his problem, yo?

Oh. It's for

the club we're in!

So you're telling

me you guys

seriously aren't

together like at all?

Do what?

Come on, Asia, admit

the truth, you--

Aika, please stop it!

I don't want you to

say that stuff anymore!

Why is it always him?

[door shutting]

Sorry about the wait.

No, I'm sorry I didn't

give you much time.

[AKENO] That's hardly

your fault, Issei.

Now. Let's get

this started.

Sure, whatever you say.

Oh no, what's wrong?

[ISSEI] Nothing.

It's just you're all wet.

[AKENO] I only had time

to grab a quick shower

before the ceremony.

I didn't have time

to dry my body properly.

Is it distracting?

[ISSEI] No, it's totally fine.

If anything, this is

my kind of distraction.

Wait, forget I said anything.

[AKENO] The issue is with

your dragon arm's spirit.

It is far stronger

than any of us expected.

Changing its shape with magic

was only effective temporarily.

Sucking it

from your fingers

is the only way to

clear everything out.

[moans]

Ohh...

[pleasurable moaning

and sucking noises]

[ISSEI thinking] Dude.

If those other clubs knew

what they were missing out on,

those d-bags would

totally flip out.

Best extra-curricular ever.

Occult Research Club

for the win!

Holy crap!

This is like the

sense of touch equivalent

to eating a campfire s'more.

Ddraig, my man.

I'm telling you.

Getting k*lled was the luckiest

thing that ever happened to me!

[climatic moan]

Honestly.

It's just a simple procedure;

you're getting flustered

so easily it just makes me

want to taunt you even more.

[ISSEI] Seriously?

[AKENO] Of course.

Trust me, if you could

see your face right now,

you would totally get it.

I'd be remiss if

I didn't torment you more.

Hey, do your thing.

Guess what?

I have a crush on this cute guy,

but he's totally clueless.

Wait--

It's Matsuda, isn't it?

[ISSEI thinking] Okay, that's

her casabas rubbing all over me.

Jackpot city!

Oh man.

Are you bare down there?

[AKENO] Au naturel is

all part of the ceremony.

[ISSEI] That a fact?

Then I won't

argue with tradition.

[AKENO] But if I make a move

on you, Rias will get jealous.

And we both know what

she's like when she's upset.

For now we had better

stand on ceremony.

[ISSEI thinking] If this is what

Akeno considers

'standing on ceremony'

and 'not making a move',

now I wanna know what she would

do if she really let loose!

[ISSEI moans loudly]

[AKENO] The dragon's

spirit is gone.

You should be fine,

at least for a while.

Oh good;

thanks a lot, Akeno.

[AKENO] Remember your

battle with Phoenix?

Yeah, of course I do.

[AKENO] You got up

time and time again

after being beaten down.

You were the definition

of manliness, Issei.

And then, crashing

the engagement party

like you did to save Rias.

Impressive.

You even managed

to defeat Phoenix,

who was rumored to be immortal.

After I got

to see a gentleman

in such a brilliant fight,

well, I don't know; I feel so--

[moans]

I wonder,

could this be love?

[bells ringing]

We should do this

again sometime.

[RIAS] Well then, let's

begin our regular meeting.

This month's

contract numbers are in.

Akeno, eleven.

[AKENO] That's right.

[RIAS] Koneko, ten.

[KONEKO] Sounds good.

[RIAS] Kiba had eight.

[KIBA] I did.

[RIAS] Three for Asia.

[ASIA] Yay!

No way; that's really

impressive, Asia!

Good for you, lady!

You should be proud of yourself.

Especially

considering

you're brand new

at contracts.

Oh my goodness!

Thank you so much!

And Issei.

[ISSEI]

Huh?

Zero.

Ugh. I'm an

embarrassment.

[RIAS] You know, if you don't

work hard and get contracts,

you'll never become

a high-ranking devil.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

Next month, I'm gonna do what

it takes to get first place!

[MOTHER] Sorry to intrude, kids.

[ASIA] Oh, welcome to

the meeting, Mother!

Thank you.

Now, this little gathering is

for the insult

research club, right?

She's always so close

yet so very wrong.

[MOTHER]

Well, I brought something

that might inspire everybody!

[ISSEI] Mom!

[MOTHER] So who

wants to see Issei

when he was just a little boy?

[AKENO] Wow;

he's completely naked.

Aw, so small and so adorable!

[KONEKO] The bare-nekkid

truth about Issei's tiny past.

[MOTHER] This picture

is from kindergarten.

And all he's done since then

is chase around after

girls and their bottoms.

[ISSEI thinking]

Someone k*ll me.

Oh no, it's a tiny,

itty, witty, bitty Issei!

I totally

agree with Rias!

Tiny, itty, bitty and cute!

I mean, right;

he's just ridiculous.

It's too much!

Awesome. Why'd

you have to go

and freakin' break

my balls like this, Mom?

She seems like a

great mother to me.

Like you'd know!

Yeah, it must be nice

to have a family.

Wait, are you saying you

don't, like, have a family?

Hey, Issei, this picture.

Huh?

Oh, that kid lived down

the street from me.

We used to play

together all the time.

They had to move once one of

his parents got a job overseas.

Hmmm...

Man, I can't remember

that kid's name.

It's been a while, though!

[KIBA] One more thing.

Do you remember this sword?

[ISSEI] Naw, I mean, you know.

I was five.

I guess anything's

possible, huh?

[bicycle tires rolling]

I have got to get

a contract today.

Forget about Kiba;

even Asia is getting

ahead of me at this point.

Speaking of, what was

Kiba's deal earlier?

It's funny, I never

expected to see it

in a picture with

you. Imagine that.

What do you

mean by that?

This is a Holy Sword.

A what?

Never mind.

It's not a big deal.

Great pictures!

Thanks, man.

[thinknig] What was that about?

Here we are.

[ISSEI] They'll probably

give me the

"What kind of devil rings

the doorbell?" crap again.

What's up?

You're the dude who summoned

the devil, aren't you?

Now, I know this

seems weird, but it's not!

I get how

I should appear.

You know, like bam out of

one of these magic cards

which is a hell of a lot cooler

than ringing the doorbell,

but I'm in transition.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Well,

you might as well come in.

What's the problem?

You're still a devil, right?

This place is amazing.

It's weird, though.

He doesn't look like

he's from around here,

so I wonder what he does.

Something to

drink, perhaps?

Oh, no thanks; I'd love to,

but I'm still a minor.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Really? Bummer.

I was hoping to have

a partner to drink with.

[ISSEI] So you wanted

a devil to have drinks?

What-- is that bad?

No, it's fine.

The contract will be formed

when I fulfill your request

and receive a fitting

compensation in return.

Unfortunately,

all I have is sake.

You okay with tap water?

[ISSEI] Yeah, sure.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT]

Hahaha!

So your magic is so

weak you have to ride a bike

to go see the people

who've summoned you?

Well, kinda.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT]

That's hilarious.

[thinking] Being laughed at like

this will never not piss me off,

but I don't have much of a

choice if I want that contract.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] That was fun.

So what would you

like as compensation?

[ISSEI] What? Already?

[ISSEI'S CLIENT]

You're a devil right?

I guess you want my soul.

No, I don't

want your soul.

All I did was have

a drink with you,

so that wouldn't fit

the contract at all.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] Oh.

That's unexpected.

Yeah, I know,

but regardless my master's

motto is still "honest billing."

Will this suit

your fancy?

It's not a

reproduction.

[ISSEI] Doesn't that

seem kind of expensive?

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] I don't

have anything else

to pay you with

at the moment.

[ISSEI'S CLIENT] If it

won't work, I have my soul.

[ISSEI] It's cool;

the picture's fine.

[ISSEI] That dude

was crazy as hell,

but at least I got

one contract down,

so that's another step

closer to my final goal!

I'm gonna be

Harem King of the world!

Oh, it's Rias.

This looks like the place.

[RIAS] Issei, over here.

[RIAS] I'm sorry I had

to make you come out.

Nah, it's fine.

[ISSEI] There's something

going on inside there, huh?

[KONEKO] No one can miss

the smell of a rogue devil.

[AKENO] No kidding.

We've been given

orders to take it down

before the night is over.

Whatever it is must

be extremely dangerous.

We shouldn't try

to fight it inside.

Asia, you wait at the rear.

Yes, ma'am.

Akeno and I will be

ready and waiting outside.

So Koneko, Kiba, and Issei,

draw the enemy out

where we can take care of it.

Makes sense to me.

Right.

I'm on it. Boosted...

...Gear!

Kiba?

Yeah, right.

Got it.

Well, then

let's roll out!

Come on, guys!

[KIBA] Right.

I wonder what it'll be.

Probably another

crazy ass monster, right?

Nice. Why can't you warn

me when you do that?

Let's go.

Oh, right.

[ISSEI] I can't see

sh*t in this place.

Koneko?

[KONEKO] It's here.

[ISSEI] See, I told you so!

[DDRAIG] Boost!

[KONEKO] Kiba, focus.

What are you doing?

Hey! Kiba!

Sorry.

Bastard!

[DDRAIG] Boost!

[DDRAIG] expl*si*n!

[ISSEI] Dragon sh*t!

Damn it!

I guess I haven't powered

myself up enough yet.

What are you

zoning out for, princess?!

Kiba!

It's time to go.

Akeno.

I'm all over it, Rias!

[RIAS] Wanton devil,

you who ran wild away

from your master to

fulfill your own desires.

For such a crime,

you deserve to die

a thousand times over.

And now, in the name

of the Marquis of Gremory.

You shall pay

with your life.

Time to die!

Hell yeah!

That poor

creature's heart

is completely

lost at this point.

You could barely even

call her a devil anymore.

I don't want to

end up like that.

Now you know

what deserves

an emergency

subduing order.

[ASIA] Koneko,

do you need help?

Yes, please.

[slap]

[RIAS] Think you've

got it together now?

With a mistake like that,

you put everyone

here in serious danger!

[KIBA] I apologize.

What's the matter, Kiba?

This isn't like you.

I'm fine; just

having an off day.

Now, if you will

excuse me, President.

Kiba?

[ISSEI] Kiba! What the hell?

You're acting nutso.

Why would you be so

rude to the President?

It's got nothing

to do with you.

That doesn't mean

I can't be worried.

Worried? Why would

you ever be worried?

[KIBA] Devils are, by

nature, selfish beings.

[ISSEI] I've got not idea

what you're point is here.

[KIBA] Well, for the record,

I do think I was wrong.

Later.

Hold on!

If you're that upset, then

you can talk to me about it.

I mean, we are

friends, aren't we?

Friends, huh? Right.

Issei, I appreciate

your passion.

However,

something's recently

been brought

to my attention.

[ISSEI]

Something like what?

A purpose.

See, I remembered

my reason for living;

that is to say,

the reason I fight.

[ISSEI] I thought you

were fighting for Rias.

[KIBA]

You thought wrong.

All I want is revenge.

[ISSEI] Revenge?

[KIBA] It won't

be much longer now.

I'm going to

destroy Excalibur.

That alone is my purpose.

[RIAS] Holy Swords are the

worst weapons against devils.

Simply touching one

burns a devil's body.

More importantly, to be cut

by a Holy Sword could

mean instant death.

The truth is a Holy Sword

can annihilate a devil.

Wow, okay, that's

kind of intense.

It is.

The fact that

those who can use one

are extraordinarily rare is

the swords' biggest weakness.

The church did

what they could.

They tried to raise

people artificially.

Perhaps they could

wield Excalibur,

then, they could annihilate

devils everywhere.

It's known as the

Holy Sword Project.

Holy Sword Project?

The church must've

kept that super secret

because I never heard anything

about it when I was there.

[RIAS] I would think not.

It's in the past.

I heard the project

failed completely.

[ISSEI] Well, let's hope so.

[RIAS] Kiba barely

survived the project.

[ASIA] Oh, poor Kiba.

[RIAS] What is it?

[ISSEI] I think I know

what freaked him out.

[ISSEI] When Kiba

looked at this,

he said that was a Holy Sword.

It's not nearly as

powerful as Excalibur,

but there's no mistaking it.

Kiba was right.

That is a Holy Sword.

I knew it.

And I'm pretty sure

he only started

getting weird after

seeing this picture.

I don't understand

why would it have been

so close to Issei, though.

Hold on a second!

This kid's family

invited me to go

with them to church

like all the freakin' time.

It was really annoying.

So that's how

it is, then.

I understand why the predecessor

here is gone, but still.

I thought for sure.

For sure what?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look at how late it is.

C'mon, let's get to bed.

Slow your roll.

Why are you taking off

your clothes in here?

[RIAS] What?

You know I can't sleep

unless I'm completely naked.

No, I mean why--

why are you getting

all naked in my room?

[RIAS] Well, obviously

because I'm gonna

sleep with you, silly.

Then, I'm doing it, too!

Here goes. I'm

sleeping with Issei!

Fair is fair.

I claimed him first;

he's mine tonight!

No way.

It's not fair for you to

keep him all to yourself.

I think I should

be given the chance

to spend the night

with Issei as well!

[ISSEI thinking]

We have reached Titical Mass!

It's a double dose

of dairy-pillows!

Pull it together, you

got two bombs to defuse!

Hey, come on, now.

There's no need to fight. Right?

Fine.

I suppose the decision

will be left to Issei.

Yes, I agree.

All right, Issei.

Which will

you choose?

Too much. Can't choose!

[RIAS] Don't make

me wait, Issei.

[ASIA] I'm ready now.

Please be gentle.

[ASIA] I started

living with Issei first!

I'm getting tired of

always waiting my turn!

[RIAS] Yes you've

been very patient,

so what's one more day?

Let's go, Issei!

[ASIA] I might lose

based on the size

of my chest, but not my heart!

My feelings for Issei

are bigger than anyone's!

[RIAS] Same here!

[XENOVIA] I'd say that

"utter ruins" describes it.

[IRINA] Rumor has it there

was a disturbance here

recently caused by a

fallen angel and a devil.

[XENOVIA] It's getting late.

And you're

certain this is it?

We're supposed to be

meeting him here, correct?

Oh, please, like

I would be wrong.

On top of that,

I lived in this city with

my parents as a kid.

Gimmie a little

credit, okay?

I mean, we are

friends, aren't we?

[KIBA] I apologize, Issei,

but it wouldn't be right

for me to have friends.

I don't deserve that.

Not now.

[MALE PRIEST A]

Please, help me!

A priest?

[FREED] Neener, neener! Yoo-hoo!

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Did you miss me?

It's nice to

see the playboy

of the scum underworld

has come to pay a visit.

[KIBA] So, it's Freed Sellzen.

Have you been hiding

in town this whole time?

[FREED]

Such a wonderful reunion!

It's bringing a

tear to mine eye!

[KIBA] Unfortunately for you,

I'm not in the best mood today.

[FREED] That's perfect;

I need some fun!

These pussified priests

are getting so boring!

[KIBA] No. That light.

That aura. It can't be.

[FREED] Oh, but

it can! Nice timing!

As penance for

your previous actions,

let's have a little test

to see which is stronger.

So tell me what you think.

Will your filthy cursed

sword be the one?

Or do you think it's more likely

the Holy Sword known as

Excalibur will be the victor?

[KIBA] I will never forgive

Excalibur for what it did to me.

[ISSEI] Yo, Issei here!

Damn, two new

hotties hit the scene?

Wait a sec--

Holy swords, seriously?

Aw man, gimme a freakin' break!

Next time:

"The Holy Sword is Here!"

Some boobs'll be here, too!