03x06 - Second Semester has Started!

[bunniefuu]

[ISSEI] And just like that,

I'm back in school.

My whole summer break was wasted

on the boot camp from hell.

Talk about a serious

pain in the ass.

[exhales]

[MATSUDA, MOTOHAMA]

Yo, Issei!

Ah! What the hell

was that for?!

Lucky my foot ain't a cap!

We were s'posed to see

b*tches on beaches!

We were gonna be dudes on

the dunes and you flaked!

[ISSEI] I didn't have a

choice! I told you guys,

I had to go to training camp

with the Occult research club!

It's not like you

couldn't've gone without me!

[MOTOHAMA, MATSUDA]

Huh?

[KIRYUU laughs]

Well, what do we have here?

Shouldn't you save

the dry-humping

for your bodypillows?

--[MATSUDA] Ho, no you didn't!

--[ISSEI] Go away, Aika!

[MOTOHAMA]

Can't you see we're busy?

Oh, yeah, I see that.

But I figured you'd rather

get busy with the

new transfer student.

She's supposed to

be a real hottie.

[ALL]

What?! New girl?!

[gasps]

Hello, everyone.

My name is Irina Shido.

it's a pleasure.

No way!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

Aika wasn't lying!

[IRINA] Oh, hi, Issei!

I didn't see you there!

Yo, why's my future baby-mama

talkin' to yo dumb ass?

We've known each

other forever!

We were childhood friends

so we go way, way back!

[XENOVIA]

Looks like you had a safe trip.

I didn't think we'd see

you again so soon!

I know right? I missed

you. Oh, come here!

[IRINA]

What's the matter?

Sorry, it's just the cross

hanging around your neck.

It hurts us.

Oh! That's right!

I forgot the crucifix

hurts devils. Forgive me?

Same old Irina.

I'm kinda freaking out. Wasn't

she a member of the church?

That's right. I wonder why

she transferred here, too?

[door opens]

Great, you've already

gathered. Welcome, Irina.

Have you had a good

first day of school?

[IRINA] I have!

Thank you so much, Rias.

Everyone's so nice!

I'm really happy to be here!

Wait, do you know

what's going on, Rias?

[AZAZEL] It's not that

complicated, kid.

Oh, great, Azazel's here.

I figured I should

come say hello

to your new transfer

student, too.

After all, she's here

since Michael thinks

the rest of us aren't

strong enough.

So he's bolstering our numbers

against the Chaos Brigade.

Hey, we did work

pretty well together.

Sure, it'll take getting

used to, but it'll be fun.

Now that I'm here,

you guys don't have to

worry about a thing!

As a reincarnated angel,

I'll protect you with

Lord Michael's blessing!

Amen!

[ISSEI]

I thought pride was a sin.

[GASPER]

She sorta terrifies me.

[XENOVIA] I still can't believe

you're an angel now.

How did that even happen?

[AZAZEL]

With God dead and all,

there's no way for new

angels to be born.

So they've gotta be made now,

kind of like the fallen

angels and devils do.

[IRINA]

This is how it works.

A high-level angel

is ranked as a "King".

The king commands

its "Brave Saints,"

which rank from

"Queen" to "Ace,"

and there's everything

in between.

[KIBA]

Oh, I get it.

While we're based

on chess pieces,

you guys are like

a deck of cards.

A whole house of

cards to choose from.

Which one did you get assigned?

I was hoping someone

would ask me that!

I am a rank Ace.

I was beyond honored to take

on this prestigious position

for Lord Michael's deck.

What a joy! Such a blessing!

Lord Michael, thank you!

It's nice to see Irina

so full of purpose.

Lord Michael must have

done a lot for her.

I guess so.

It proves when you're lost,

life still has direction.

I think you

can relate to that.

So true!

You excited for tonight's

welcoming party?

I am. I want Irina

to feel at home.

I gotta say, our house is

starting to fill up like crazy!

I wonder what my

parents will think

when they see not one

new girl, but two.

Hold on. Rossweisse is

still here? I thought...

[RIAS]

Don't ask.

You were left behind?

[ROSSWEISSE cries]

Don't know why I'm crying.

I should be used to this by now.

It's not like any other man

has wanted me by his side,

so why should my own boss?

Don't be like that. I'm sure

he'll be back real soon.

Oh, yeah, me, too! Once the

titty bars have a special event,

he'll be the first one in line!

Maybe I should apply

to be a dancer so he'll see

me and realize he forgot me!

But then he'll be like, "get

that old lady off the stage

and bring out a young girl..."

Do you regret asking, yet?

Yeah.

[ISSEI] Oh right, the sports

festival's coming up.

[ASIA]

Is that important?

Yeah, it's a competition

held between classes.

Every year after summer break we

duke it out to see who's best.

sh**t, and while I came from

the church, I have no grace.

Ah!

Whoa, hey!

[ASIA gasps]

[ISSEI]

Asia, are you okay?

Yes. I'm fine.

Just a little shaken.

Thanks for the save.

I appreciate it.

[DIODORA]

My pleasure, Asia Argento.

[gasps]

Wait a minute.

How lucky I caught you today.

After all, you're the

reason I came here.

[ASIA]

Huh?

Now I remember.

You were at the reception

in the underworld!

I've fantasized about

seeing you again.

Um. I'm sorry?

Hey, Stranger-danger, back up.

Come now, we're

all friends here.

After all, we have such history.

Say, what?

[ASIA]

That scar!

I can't believe it!

That's right. I am the

first devil you saved

by using your sacred gear, but I

never got to introduce myself.

My name is Diodora Astaroth.

Honestly, I never expected

to reunite with you

in the underworld. I wanted

to speak with you then,

but there was such a commotion,

I missed my chance.

So I have come to pick

up where we left off.

What? "Left off?"

[DIODORA]

For us to have met twice,

in the world above,

as well as below.

[gasps]

Yo, douche-nozzle, keep

your lips to yourself!

Clearly, we are bound by fate,

and so I must take

you as my bride.

[RIAS] Interesting. The current

Great Devil Beelzebub

is a descendent of

the Astaroth family.

And Diodora is the

heir to that title.

I didn't realize you two

were acquainted, Asia.

Actually, it's quite the

surprise for me, too.

A lot was going on back then.

I didn't recognize him.

[ISSEI]

Poor girl.

Saving that guy got her

exiled from the church;

which then got her mixed

up with the fallen angels.

He only came today because he

wanted to introduce himself,

so he didn't linger or anything.

[RIAS]

Well, that's good to hear.

Diodora was pretty sheltered and

can be a bit socially awkward.

I'm sure he was just excited

to see the girl who saved him.

Ignore him, and he'll go away.

Okay, I'll do that.

[knocking]

Hey, we're all set up

downstairs for the party.

Perfect timing.

Are you guys ready?

[ASIA]

Yeah! What's wrong, Issei?

Huh! Ah... Nothing. Hey, if that

pretty boy bothers you again,

don't worry about it.

I'll send him packin'!

Thanks!

I wanted to thank you.

I'm happy to be here.

Y'know, I used to think of

devils as my sworn enemies.

So I hunted them mercilessly,

and I would've k*lled you all.

I really hope this

stays in past tense.

But that's over!

Lord Michael said we should

put the past behind us

and work together

for a better future.

Which is great,

because I'd much rather

be friends with you anyway.

I'm honored to represent

the church here.

Let's make our

communities proud!

It's nice to see

youthful idealism.

Our sides've been fighting

each other too long.

Some still won't

approve, though.

But you kids put that aside to

stop a pissy god's rampage.

It was an excellent

demonstration

of what's possible

if we work as one.

I want to thank you all

for what you represent.

When you put it that way,

nearly dying sounds like

it was almost worth it.

Yeah, almost.

C'mon. It worked out in the end.

The real travesty is that there

weren't any fallen angels

around to make my

team look good.

[AKENO] Not true.

There was a fallen angel.

And it fought,

united with a devil.

Yes, she did.

You're right. I'm mistaken.

And I know one guy who'd

have been proud to see it.

[RIAS] We were all proud.

And still are.

[AZAZEL] On that note,

good news Issei!

[ISSEI]

Uh-oh.

[AZAZEL] I had some

business to take care of

back in the underworld.

Found out you've become

quite the celebrity there.

[ISSEI]

Celebrity like how?

Wow! That's wonderful

news, Issei!

It makes sense.

He did use Mjolnir to crush

Loki and save all of Hell.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

They made a documentary

to showcase our

brave hero's greatest hits.

And then it went hell viral.

[ALL gasp]

In that case,

let me poke yo titties.

Huh?!

[ISSEI]

My power was unleashed

by poking my

master's headlights!

So, uh, not just basic

groping, but like...

I... can... suck on dem tittays?

This is for Rias and her

mammoth love melons!

[AZAZEL]

The fans especially love it

when you make

heroic exclamations

about things like boobies.

[RIAS]

Uh...

[AZAZEL] You are now known

as the Breast Dragon Emperor.

You're kidding!

Tell me you're joking.

[AZAZEL]

The kids love you most of all.

They sing songs about you

around their school yards

called "The Grabbin' Dragon."

Just k*ll me...

[IRINA]

Ooh, pick me!

I want to do the treasure hunt,

put me down for that!

All right. The next competition

is the three-legged race.

[DDRAIG cries]

[ISSEI]

C'mon, Ddraig, cheer up.

[DDRAIG] I am one of the

two heavenly dragons!

The name Red Dragon Emperor

used to strike fear

into the hearts of millions!

[ISSEI] Look, I'm

embarrassed, too, okay?

[DDRAIG] But now I'm the

"Breast Dragon Emperor"!

All hail "Grabbin'

Dragon"! [cries]

[ISSEI sighs] Who knew Ddraig

would be so sensitive?

Hasn't he ever heard that all

publicity is good publicity?

And as if I didn't have

enough to worry about,

that dude from Asia's past

has gone full blown stalker.

He missed his chance,

why won't he let it die?

Then again. I'm no better.

[KIRYUU]

Issei.

[ISSEI gasps]

That hole in your

armpit an air vent?

[ISSEI]

Don't tell me.

Wait, what? There's no hole.

[KIRYUU]

That's half our tripod!

[ISSEI groans]

That was dirty, even for you!

Only one-and-a-half

legs to go. Any takers?

Asia?

[KIRYUU]

Done deal!

[IRINA] You ready to

do this, Xenovia?

[XENOVIA] You bet.

Show me what you've got.

[IRINA pants]

[STUDENTS cheer]

[ISSEI] Hot damn!

Why am I impressed?

They're not normal girls.

Man, those chicks

don't slow they roll,

they gonna end up

with black eyes!

You're right! They keep it up,

they'll motorboat themselves!

With their pistons

pumping so hard,

it's impossible for us

to appreciate them!

--[STUDENT A] One-two.

--[MATSUDA] Big swigs.

--[STUDENT B] Three-four.

--[MOTOHAMA] And itty bitties!

Like a multiple choice test!

[BOTH]

Answers A through D!

Hey. Hyodo.

Saji! 'Sup?

[MATSUDA, MOTOHAMA]

Saji!

Not much. You?

Birdwatching,

titmouses to be exact.

[SAJI] Ah. Y'know,

I shoulda seen that coming.

So that your festival

event, or what?

No, I'm doin' the three-legged

race with Asia.

Well, aren't you just the

luckiest son of a bitch?

I got stuck in the

bread eating contest.

Saji. Shouldn't you

be doing something?

Seeing as you represent

the student council,

I expect you to win your

race. Get back to work.

Right! Uh. I was

getting hungry!

I always forget

how whipped he is.

[ASIA gasps]

[KIRYUU]

Wow, Asia!

You had quite the growth

spurt over the summer!

I'm flattered you noticed,

but can you please let go?

I'd be so into this

if it were happening to

any other girl but Asia.

Hey! You about

ready to practice?

Oh! Yeah! See you later.

Issei! Don't get a hard-on

because your bodies are

pressed against each other!

I'll stay soft by

thinkin' of you!

[ASIA] Are going to

be able to do this?

It looks really hard

if you're not in sync

with the other person.

[ISSEI] We'll be fine. Let's

show 'em how it's done!

[ASIA]

'Kay.

[ISSEI]

Ooh!

Is something wrong, Issei?

[ISSEI]

Uh... No way!

[ISSEI] I have to stay calm.

This is Asia, after all.

Baseball, Matsuda,

Aika Kiryuu!

[ISSEI] Yeah, so, let's

just take it slow for now.

Baby steps.

[gasps]

[ISSEI]

And inside, and--

Ah!

[ISSEI]

I guess we do need baby steps.

Her legs aren't as long as mine.

Um, Issei? You're hands, uh...

[ISSEI] Mm? Ah! Oh my god!

I am so sorry!

[ASIA yelps]

[ISSEI] Figures, I try and

save Asia from face-planting

and end up sliding

into second base.

Hey. You're not

hurt, are you?

All good, but next time?

Try to warn me before

you touch me like that

so I'm ready for it, okay?

That way, maybe both of

us can enjoy the moment.

[ISSEI] Wait, I can grope her

if I give her a heads up?!

How about we give

this another sh*t?

What's the point?

I'm just gonna slow you down.

C'mon. I can't do this without

you! We gotta be together.

You really mean that?

Sure do, it's you and me.

And we're gonna take

this one step at a time.

[ASIA]

Okay.

[ISSEI] Outside, inside,

outside, inside,

outside, inside,

outside, inside.

[ASIA]

Issei. I want to thank you

for everything

you've done for me.

Without you, I wouldn't

be getting married today.

[ISSEI]

Huh?

[MOTHER cries] Oh, Asia!

A beautiful bride!

[ISSEI]

Wait, Mom? Dad?

[RIAS]

Asia.

I'm so happy to see you

moving on with your life.

We all are.

You deserve to be happy,

don't worry about us.

Uh... Wait a sec.

What is this?

[MOTHER]

Don't be like that, Issei.

Don't you have something to

say to the blushing bride?

She is like a little

sister to you, isn't she?

[ISSEI] You can't just

spring this on me.

I mean... Who's the groom?

[DIODORA] Don't worry, brother.

I will make Asia happy.

After all, I am super rich.

And I'm high ranking,

so I'm clearly the best thing

that's ever happened to her.

Are you ready, my love?

"I do." With those

words, you'll be mine,

and I'll whisk you away.

I am. Goodbye, Issei.

I'm leaving with Diodora

to get hitched.

Thanks for everything,

but I don't need you

--anymore!

--[ISSEI] Asia!

[ISSEI] As you're platonic

older brother figure,

I can't let you

marry that assh*le!

Are you awake?

Did you have a bad dream?

It seemed like it.

You could say that.

I dreamt you were getting

married and leaving me.

How could you do

something like that?

It was just a dream, Issei,

you're okay. I'm not leaving.

And don't worry! I'm not

getting married yet, either.

You really mean that?

I think I'd die from

loneliness without you.

I do. There's no way

I could live with myself

if I caused you

that kind of pain.

That's... great.

[RIAS]

Mm. What's going on?

Rias?

[ASIA, RIAS gasp]

[ISSEI]

Oh. Whe did she get here?

[RIAS]

Koneko?

Meow.

[ISSEI]

Not to b*at off a dead-horse,

but I'm so glad you're

not getting married.

As long as she rejects

the proposal.

[ISSEI]

Letters?

Love letters to be exact. All

sent by one Diodora Astaroth.

He's sent me something

every single day

since we bumped into

him in the street.

Movie tickets, dinner invites,

stuffed animals, chocolates,

flowers, car keys, the works.

I'm sorry.

You don't have to apologize

for a little crush.

Poor thing doesn't know

the way to a woman's heart.

What the hell's his problem?

He's a legit stalker!

It was bad enough he

proposed. Now this?

Anyway... How about

I get rid of these?

I would appreciate it.

Well, we kinda need

to get practicing

for the sports festival.

[RIAS]

Of course. Have fun.

[BOTH]

We will!

[RIAS] That expression.

Does he like....? [gasps]

What am I thinking?

Issei's always like that.

I shouldn't be worried.

[BOTH] In, out, in,

out, in, out, in, out!

Great! You guys

look really good.

[ISSEI]

Couldn't do it without you!

[ASIA] I feel bad we made

you help us practice.

[XENOVIA]

I'm happy to do it.

But we're not done.

Go for a light jog this time.

Cool. You ready

for this, partner?

Hello?

What's up?

You first.

Sorry.

I was thinking, I don't regret

saving Diodora back then.

He's the reason I'm

in Kuo Academy.

Where I found the

Occult Research Club,

and met all of my

friends, and you.

The people I love

more than anything.

If I hadn't saved him back then,

I wouldn't have any of you.

And when I think

about it like that,

I feel so happy about

the whole thing.

[ISSEI]

You're right.

And we're always going

to be together, Asia.

Yeah.

That was so tender.

Irina? How long have

you been here?

A bit. Xenovia told me yesterday

that the school grounds

are really lovely in

the early mornings.

And boy was she right!

I never expected to see

such beautiful friendship!

Your affection could

only be the product

of God and Lord Michael's will.

Amen!

[ASIA sighs]

I am worn out!

[ISSEI]

Me, too.

Let's get changed

and take a break.

--[door closes]

--[ISSEI] Uh! Xenovia?

[ASIA] What are you doing?

Is something the matter?

Asia. I found something out.

Has anyone told you

about this, yet?

Girls our age are beginning to

have secret affairs with boys.

[ISSEI]

Huh?

No, I didn't know that.

[XENOVIA] We should have what's

called a "Devil's Threesome."

I've heard of that... maybe?

Look, I don't know what

you think that means,

but trust me on this, you're

wrong on so many levels.

Asia. There isn't much time.

We'll have to do this quickly if

we want it to remain a secret.

I didn't realize we were

on some sort of deadline!

Of course we are!

The devil's threesome will also

improve your three legged race.

It's the rule of threes!

Does not apply to that!

Come on.

If we can't do it with

friends, why bother?

Yeah.

That's why we should

do it together!

Yeah, uh! That makes

sense I think?

[ISSEI] No. None of

that makes sense.

[XENOVIA]

Let's get started, then.

I'll benefit from this

as well by training

my baby-making skills.

Hold on! You wanna do this here?

First off, you got your

terminology wrong,

you want to ride the tricycle,

which would be a

dream come true! B...!

It's not the first time

you've tried this.

You get off on situations

like this, don't you?

Never mind, I don't

want to know...

[XENOVIA]

Your turn, Asia.

[ASIA]

Right. My turn.

Y'know, the more

I think about it,

I don't know if I'm

ready for this yet.

[XENOVIA]

Up!

[ASIA]

Xenovia!

[ISSEI grunting]

No, wait! Wa, ha!

Can we talk about this?

She's right! I'm ready!

I won't be showed up by

the other girls anymore!

[XENOVIA sighs]

Oh wow, being touched by you

feels completely different

than when I touch myself.

Keep going.

Asia and I are ready to

give ourselves to you.

Do whatever you want.

[ISSEI gasps]

"Do whatever I want"?

That's my favorite sentence

in the whole entire world!

No! I swore I would

protect Asia!

Gotta stop, but my hand...

Tensing up! I'm gonna squeeze!

Ah!

You guys never came back out,

so I was worried

something had happened!

But this?!

[ISSEI]

U-Uh... Irina!

Geez! At least do it in bed!

This place is filthy,

who knows what diseases

you could catch here!

[ISSEI]

Valid.

[KIBA]

A rating game?

[RIAS]

That's right. More specifically,

it's a tournament designed

to test and rank

the power of the next

generation of devils.

It was supposed to be held

over the summer break,

but then Loki att*cked, and

you all know how that ended up.

No, I don't wanna,

I'm too scared!

If this game's meant to rank us,

does that mean we'll be

going up against Sairaorg?

Yes, and he's one favored

to win the championship.

With good reason, too,

he's on a whole other level.

Fortunately for us, though,

we're not paired up against

him in the first round.

They've already chosen

the brackets. That's whack.

That's right. We're fighting...

Diodora Astaroth.

[BOTH gasp]

[ISSEI]

Diodora...

[ASIA]

Uh...

f*ck that guy.

So how 'bout it, Issei?

Don't you think looks

amazing on me?

Oh, deal with it already.

He's way more into my girls!

[KONEKO]

Do you like this look?

No, so many mixed emotions!

Not, like you!

It's my turn, now.