03x08 - We will save Asia!

[bunniefuu]

[ISSEI] Asia. Hold on

just a little longer.

[ISSEI] Comin' to save

you as fast as I can.

You'll be okay. I swear!

[RIAS, AKENO gasp]

[gasps]

[DIODORA]

I knew you would follow me.

That's why I put together

this little welcome party.

Piss off!

[DIODORA]

Now, it's time to play our game.

Are you serious?

Unfortunately, today's Rating

Game has been cancelled.

Of course, you

already knew that.

So, we'll play my game instead.

Should you refuse to play,

or lose, Asia will become mine.

[ISSEI grunts]

[DIODORA] You'll have to

fight two separate battles,

simultaneously.

On the right path, two rooks

and eight pawns await.

The battle on the left will be

against my queen and bishops.

You can split your forces

any way you see fit.

Issei, Koneko,

Xenovia, and Gaspar,

take out his forces

on the right.

Ten of them against

the four of us?

Don't forget that Issei absorbed

all eight of our pawn pieces.

So, as far as power

is concerned,

we have a slight advantage.

[DIODORA]

Then let the game begin.

Oh, man! Here they come!

[DIODORA]

By the way,

all of my pawns have already

been promoted to queen.

I like to hedge my bets.

[gasps]

[RIAS] Ha, ha. I knew you

weren't one to fight fair,

but this is a new

low, even for you.

Just a queen and two bishops?

They must have a lot of

confidence in themselves.

[RIAS] Xenovia, I need you

to keep those rooks busy.

[XENOVIA]

Fine.

I was made for fights like this.

[RIAS] Koneko, work crowd

control on those pawns.

[RIAS] Issei, give Gasper a

quick taste of your blood.

[gasps]

All right! We're cocked,

locked, and ready to rock!

[RIAS] Time to level

the playing field, Issei.

[ISSEI gasps]

Huh?

Hang on a sec, are you

sure that's okay?

No jokin'? Thank you, sexy boss!

Promotion to queen, b*tches!

[ISSEI]

Koneko! Cover me!

[KONEKO]

Hm?

[ISSEI yells]

[ISSEI]

All too easy!

I make kicking ass look good.

Dress Break Snap!

[ISSEI chuckles]

Now you won't be able to fight?

--[PAWN A yells]

--[ISSEI grunts]

[GASPER] Is your face

gonna be okay, Issei?

Yeah. I'll be fine.

I just saw full frontal!

Dumbass. You're such a pervert.

--[PAWN B grunts]

--[ISSEI] Swaying!

[PAWN C grunts]

--[PAWN D yells]

--[ISSEI] Okay, bad plan!

I can't concentrate when

I'm checkin' the curtains

and the drapes!

[DIODORA]

You might have noticed,

they're not responding

to your vulgar technique.

[ISSEI grunts]

Yeah. Thanks assh*le.

[DIODORA]

I cast a spell on them

that seals away any feelings

of embarrassment or modesty.

But, Dress Break

thrives on that!

It's the only thing

that makes it work!

[RIAS]

Enough!

[DIODORA'S QUEEN laughs]

Underestimating my master

was a foolish mistake.

Akeno! Kiba!

[BOTH grunt]

[AKENO]

Thunderbolt!

[DIODORA'S QUEEN gasps]

--[KIBA yells]

--[QUEEN grunts]

[yells]

[DIODORA'S QUEEN chuckles]

[Both gasp]

[KIBA] Any damage we do is

getting immediately healed

by the combined power

of the two bishops.

They fight well together!

Even better than

Riser's evil pieces!

[ISSEI grunting]

[PAWN F yells]

[KONEKO grunts]

[ISSEI grunts] What the hell

is up with these pawns?

Their att*cks are

perfectly coordinated.

[GASPER]

The way they move.

It's almost like

a violent ballet.

Dancing as if their

hearts b*at as one!

Heartbeat, huh?

Of course! This is

the perfect chance

to put my new special

technique to the test!

So how do we not die?

We have to do something, now!

[ISSEI]

Raw power isn't everything.

I have to look inward,

and harness the strength

of the Perv Side!

Horny thoughts, release!

Max Imagery, go!

[ISSEI]

Now, expand!

Just like I did when I saw

all these sweet naked babes!

What's going on?

I'm confused.

[ISSEI] Dear enemy

Chi-Chis, I'm a big fan.

If it's not too

much trouble,

could you tell me your

owners' att*ck plans?

[PAWN A]

Our first move is to stun,

or even blind the

little vampire kid.

[PAWN B] The six of

us against one of them

make pretty good odds!

[PAWN C] att*ck the vampire

while they're distracted!

It really worked!

That girl, that girl,

and that girl

are all targeting you, Gaspar!

[GASPER gasps]

Use your power to

freeze 'em, dude.

Okay, I'll do it!

[PAWNS gasp÷}

[PAWN D] I can't believe it.

They stopped the att*ck cold!

[PAWN E]

No way!

Do you think they were

able to read our minds?

[PAWN G]

If that were true,

they would know we were

attacking the cat girl!

Those three are coming

after Koneko now.

Stop them in their tracks!

You got it, boss!

[KONEKO grunts]

I'll come to you.

Bastard! How are you

predicting our every move?

Are you reading our minds?

No, but I was able to hear

what was in your heart.

And go figure,

your lady heart's been

gossiping to it's neighbors.

I heard the voice of

your rib cushions!

[BOTH gasp]

[ISSEI] Behold, my new special

att*ck! Titty Translation!

But, I prefer to call

it Boobielingual!

[PAWN H, F yell]

That was amazing, but you

still gross me out.

The pawns.

All of them. Gone.

[XENOVIA] Ha, ha.

It looks like I'll be able

to really cut loose now.

What?

When I first met my friend Asia,

I said some terrible things

I've now come to regret.

I called her a

witch and a heretic,

but even after these insults,

she still accepted me

and made me feel at home.

I will protect her.

Aura transfer!

Durandal to Ascalon!

With your powers combined,

I will smite my enemies.

I have the strength because

friendship is magic!

[ROOK A, B grunting]

[ROOK A, B scream]

[ISSEI]

Dude. I have a total chub.

We have to take

out both bishops

and the queen simultaneously.

The question is how?

I wish there was a way

we could help them out!

I have an idea. Try this.

[RIAS, AKENO grunting]

[ISSEI]

Hey, Akeno!

[RIAS]

Issei?

Oh, man. If you

can win that fight,

then I promise to take you

out for a date next Saturday.

You really think this

is gonna work, Koneko?

I doubt a date with me

is that kind of incentive,

but I'm flattered, though.

[ISSEI]

Hm?

What?

[AKENO giggles]

[RIAS] Issei! I can't believe

you'd ask her out like that

right in front of me!

[AKENO]

It only shows

there's room in Issei's

heart for my love.

[RIAS] I don't want to hear that

from someone who has a sudden

wellspring of power after

being promised one measly

date with another girl's man!

[AKENO] I'm not gonna

think of him as "your man,"

until after you've slept with

him and sealed the deal!

[RIAS] I sleep with

him all the time!

Last night was no exception.

In bed together,

He didn't stop touching

my breasts the whole night.

[AKENO] Issei tosses and turns

a lot when he's unconscious.

It's happened to all of us.

Yeah, well, how many of

you have kissed him twice?

Jealousy. It truly is

women's kryptonite.

[DIODORA'S QUEEN] I demand

you stop this nonsense!

You ignore me and fight

amongst yourselves over a boy?

[RIAS, AKENO]

Back off!

[DIODORA'S QUEEN screams]

Nice. Looks like we've won.

As I'd expect from

our king and queen.

One hell of a double

att*ck finisher!

Word.

--[RIAS] This isn't over, Akeno.

--[AKENO] Right, right.

[RIAS]

Listen, I'm serious!

[AKENO giggles]

So am I!

I think you and I are going

to need to have a little chat

about boundaries after

we've rescued Asia.

I have no objections, Rias.

Asia is like a little

sister to me as well,

so let's focus on getting

her back for now.

Only the king and his

two knights are left.

[RIAS] It's unorthodox to send

your queen out to the front.

Why keep knights in reserve?

[FREED] Yo, yo, yo!

Long time no see, suckers!

Freed? Damn!

Yes! Yes! I'm hard

to k*ll, that's a fact.

As you can see, I'm still

totally alive and kicking!

What are you doing here?

After our last encounter,

I was scooped up by

that whack-job, Vali.

To make a long story short,

the Chaos Brigade picked up

the psycho-priest free agent

standing in front of you.

And that's why you're

here as Diodora's knight?

His knight?

[laughs]

[FREED]

I ate 'em both!

They were finger-lickin' good!

Gross, dude.

[KONEKO] Okay. I think

I might actually puke.

[laughing]

[AKENO, RIAS gasp]

[FREED continues laughing]

That's nasty.

[FREED] Since we're

all old friends here,

let me share a tidbit

of gossip with you.

It's a tasty secret about

Diodora's household.

You know, all those pretty

young girls you just b*at up?

Every one of them was

a well-respected nun

before Diodora got his

greasy mitts on 'em.

A couple of 'em

were even saints!

What did you say?

Diodora the explorah loves

bringing passionate holy women

down to the depths of hell

with smiles and sweet talk.

That's how the freak gets off.

[FREED laughs]

Then Asia's just

another conquest?

[FREED]

Once upon a time,

there was a spoiled

highborn devil brat.

He saw a holy woman that

was as pretty as a peach.

Blonde, petite. I'm talkin'

totally his type.

But, the woman was a guarded

treasure of the Church,

so he knew there was no

way he could kidnap her

and get away with it.

So, the clever devil brat

came up with a plan.

If the people of the Church

saw her healing an injured

agent of Hell like him,

then they would excommunicate

her, so he took a chance.

[ISSEI gasps]

Sorry. I was thinking, I don't

regret saving Diodora back then.

What the hell, man?

What are you telling

me here, you mutant psycho?

This is no time to be reckless.

[FREED] Once she hit

rock bottom in despair

over the Church's betrayal,

he'd snatch the girl up

when she was at her lowest

and make her his completely!

Ravishing both body and soul.

A man's gotta have a vice!

And Diodora loves breaking

the will of little young girls

like her more than

anything else!

[ISSEI]

Shut the f*ck up!

You should save

those feelings of rage

for your upcoming

battle against Astaroth,

Oh, come on, man!

You expect me to let him live?!

I will face Freed.

Kiba.

Let me put a stop

to his filthy talk.

[FREED]

Look what we have here!

It's the pretty boy knight

who used his scary sword

to cut me down last time

we met! But, no hard feelings.

I got this bodacious body

upgrade because of you!

The super invincible

mutated monster Freed is

coming to getcha,

Mister Beauty Mark!

You wanna throw down,

I'll throw down, Nancy!

We'd all prefer that

you ceased to exist.

Oh, come on! When the hell

did you get so strong?

Well, it won't matter soon.

You chumps don't stand a

snowball's chance

in hell of b*ating the

big sh*ts pulling the strings.

Perhaps, but you should

have saved your last words

for the god of death.

[FREED groans]

[ISSEI]

Diodora.

Come out, you douche hole!

You hear me?

Asia! Hey!

I knew you'd come.

[DIODORA laughs]

[DIODORA] What took

you guys so long, huh?

You should've seen her face

when I told her the

particulars of my plan.

Her expression was

absolutely priceless!

You're a real scumbag,

you know that?

[DIODORA]

I never get tired of it!

My favorite is the moments

when a woman of faith

and conviction

gives in to despair!

[DIODORA laughs]

That's enough, dickweed!

[DIODORA]

On the contrary.

Dear Asia still clings to hope.

She still has her dear friends.

Especially you, Big Bad

Red Dragon Emperor.

Of course, I'm certain

he remembers

the fallen angel Raynare.

[ISSEI gasps]

[DIODORA]

After that maniacal bitch

had k*lled poor little Asia,

I had planned to off Raynare

and give Asia an Evil Piece,

and I mean both literally

and euphemistically.

You are disgusting!

[DIODORA]

You may be right.

I was caught off guard when

the Red Dragon Emperor,

or a reasonable facsimile

thereof, interfered in my plan.

I made the costly

mistake of waiting,

assuming a weak devil like

you would die instantly.

And to add

insult to injury,

Rias comes in to snatch

Asia up into her peerage.

[RIAS] You were behind it

all from the very beginning!

[DIODORA] But, don't worry.

I've forgiven you.

After all, being

part of your club

is the reason she's gotten

her hopes up so high.

She'll drop into the

deepest despair imaginable

once I've k*lled her friends

in front of her very eyes.

Asia is still

a virgin, isn't she?

I don't want the Red Dragon

Emperor's sloppy seconds.

[ISSEI]

Shut your mouth.

[DIODORA]

I do rather enjoy the idea

of stealing her away

from you, though.

Our own custom version

of Prima Nocta.

--[ISSEI] Shut up.

--I must admit,

the mere thought of taking

Asia as she calls out your name

is absolutely delicious!

I said shut up!

[DDRAIG] Welsh Dragon!

Balance Breaker!

[ISSEI]

Diodora!

[ISSEI]

May I?

Go ahead.

[ISSEI]

Ddraig.

[DDRAIG] Yeah. I'll back

your move, partner.

[DIODORA laughs] Nice armor!

The lights are a cute touch.

But, I have a snake direct from

Ophis supposedly so venomous,

its bite is rumored

to be an instant k*ll!

--[ISSEI yells]

--[DIODORA groans]

[DIODORA grunts]

Lumpen oaf!

I'm a high ranking devil,

you wretched boor!

Part of the bloodline of the

current Great Devil Beelzebub!

How can a well-bred noble

like me lose to a lowly,

reincarnated savage like you?

It just isn't right!

It isn't fair!

[ISSEI yells]

[DIODORA screaming] It hurts!

It hurts! My beautiful face!

[ISSEI] Your barrier is

nothing compared to Vali's.

Pathetic weakling.

[DIODORA]

I don't understand.

I've gotten so much stronger

with the power Ophis gave me.

--[ISSEI shouts]

--[DIODORA grunts]

I refuse to let a filthy

dragon b*at me like this!

[ISSEI grunts]

[DIODORA laughs]

And now you're trapped!

My magic barrier

is impenetrable!

A knuckle dragging idiot

like the soon-to-be-dead

Dragon Emperor hasn't got a

chance in hell of b*ating me!

[ISSEI] I'll drag my knuckles

across your face, jerk-off!

[DDRAIG]

Boost! Boost! Boost!

[DIODORA laughs]

Keep trying, it's cute!

[DDRAIG]

Boost! Boost! Boost! Boost!

Boost! Boost! Boost! Boost!

[DIODORA gasps]

[ISSEI] I don't care

what happens to me.

No one makes Asia cry!

[DIODORA gasps, grunts]

[screams]

[DIODORA] Impossible!

I can't be defeated!

I b*at Agares. I even had a

plan to deal with Sairaorg.

[DIODORA] There's no way

I'd ever expect to lose

to the Gremory family,

whose main claim to fame

is fraternizing

with their servants.

I am Diodora of

the Astaroth family!

[DDRAIG]

Boost! Boost! Boost!

[DIODORA screaming]

[DIODORA gasps]

[DIODORA screams]

[gasps]

Stay away from Asia, you prick!

If I ever see you near her

again, I'll smash your nads

into a thin, pinkish

paste, you got that?

[DIODORA gasps]

[ISSEI]

Asia!

[ISSEI gruning]

[ISSEI]

Dammit! She won't come loose!

Surely the power of the Welsh

Dragon is enough to break it.

[DIODORA]

This is a custom-made seal

created especially for me

by a certain Longinus user.

I was given the promise it would

disarm when everything was over.

But...

On the off chance that

you Gremory clowns

were actually able to defeat me.

I had the seal set to consume

her entirely, rather

than let her escape!

[AKENO]

There has to be a way!

[DIODORA] I'd rather have

her disappear from existence

than hand her back over!

There's nothing you can do!

You will not get away with this.

[ISSEI]

Asia.

I'm still here.

[ISSEI] Ddraig, I'm

putting my trust in you.

[DDRAIG]

What are you talking about, kid?

Issei! Careful!

[ISSEI]

Asia. I'm sorry ahead of time.

[ASIA gasps]

Amp it up! We've got one chance!

Now, let's make it work!

[DDRAIG]

Boost! Boost! Boost!

Dress Break!

Balance Breaker!

Boosted Version!

[ASIA screams]

[GROUP gasps]

Beautiful.

Man, you're the worst.

But hey, you're also the best,

for a walking hard on.

Please be all right!

[DIODORA]

No way.

The Longinus seal's been broken.

Asia! Thank god. I wouldn't know

what to do if you were gone.

I mean it!

I'm not going to go anywhere,

because I'll always have you

and Issei to protect me,

right, Xenovia?

You can count on me!

I'll look out for you no matter

what the future throws at us!

I'm so sorry.

You haven't done

anything to apologize for.

I'm just glad you're back with

us, where we can keep you safe!

Yes. I feel the same way.

I'm so glad that Asia's back.

But, now my brain's freaking out

about all the scary stuff

that happened today!

It's alright.

There, there, Gaspie.

[ASIA]

Issei!

Asia!

Sorry for bein' late.

I believed in you! I was sure

you would come for me, Issei.

I know you always will.

I'm so sorry you had to

go through all of this.

I'm fine, now, because

you're here with me, Issei!

Then let's get outta here.

It's time for us to go home.

All right! But, before we leave,

I'd like to say a little prayer.

You just got rescued.

What's there to pray about?

That's a secret.

[ASIA] Heavenly Father,

please hear my earnest prayer.

Continue protecting Issei and

help him grow, as you have done.

And please. From this day

forward, until the end of time,

let us live together in

peaceful bliss with Issei.

[ASIA] Swear to me.

We'll be together forever.

I don't want to be alone.

You promise, Issei?

How cute, but it's

impossible to defeat me.

It looks like he had an

incomplete transformation.

[GASPER]

Where is she?

[KONEKO]

What happened?

[RIAS gasps]

[ISSEI roars]

[ISSEI]

Asia!