04x00 - Holiness Behind the Gym

[bunniefuu]

[ISSEI]

What's up?

I'm Issei Hyodo!

My dream is to become

the Harem King.

But you should know...

...most people

wouldn't refer to me

as a normal

high school sophomore.

That's cause I'm, like,

totally a devil!

Seriously! I'm not lying!

I sorta d*ed,

but then, a sexy devil

brought me back to life.

Her name is Rias Gremory,

and she's hot AF!

She made me the pawn in her

chessboard devil family thing,

and I've been hangin'

with her crew ever since.

Oh yeah, and the legendary

Red Dragon Emperor

dwells within me. NBD.

One day, we were just about

to get our sports festival on

and this creeper showed up

thinkin' he was

gonna marry Asia.

Diodora Astaroth, AKA

upper-class devil dickhead.

I mean, so what if he comes

from a good family

and has abs that won't quit.

That guy's a bag

of dirty douche water.

I was like, "Screw him!

I'm never gonna

let anyone force Asia

to do anything she

doesn't want to do!"

I got super pissed

and then I super kicked

that twatsicle's ass.

Asia was saved,

and all was awesome.

[ASIA]

Thank you, Issei.

[ISSEI]

It's time for us to go home.

[ASIA]

All right!

But first, I'd like

to say a little prayer.

[ISSEI] You just got rescued,

what's there to pray about?

[ASIA]

That's a secret!

[ALL gasping]

[ALL grunting]

Asia?

[RIAS]

Who are you?

[SHALBA] Dear little sister

of the despicable

and fake "Devil King."

Most know me as

Shalba Beelzebub.

However, who I am

is the one and only

true descendant of the

Great Devil Beelzebub.

Beelzebub's what?

[DIODORA]

Please, Shalba. Help me.

Just imagine it.

Both the old and current devil

kings combining their strength.

[gasps] Why, Shalba?

[DIODORA screams]

You were a fool. How dare

you align yourself with me.

Sister of the impostor,

Sir Zechs.

Please don't take

this personally,

but I believe I shall

have you die here, as well.

Of course. You were

behind the death

of the Glasya-Labolas

heir, too.

But why bother involving

Asia in your murderous plan?

You'll suffer for

what you did to her!

[ISSEI]

Asia.

Asia?

Where did you run off to?

Come on.

Let's go home.

Issei.

[ISSEI sobbing]

Please, Asia.

We were gonna win the race

in the school sports festival.

We...

We still need to practice.

[wailing]

[RIAS]

Issei!

[ISSEI]

Rias?

Do you know where

Asia might've gone?

We need to find her fast,

so we can leave.

Help me.

We can't leave without her.

She's practically family.

Oh, Issei.

Now, who would have thought

the princess of the

Gremory household

had such horrible taste.

Would the red filth like to

know where that girl went?

I sent her far beyond

our reality.

Into the Dimensional Gap.

The exposure has surely

consumed her flesh.

To put it simply,

the bitch is dead.

[ISSEI gasps]

[DDRAIG] As for you, devil, the

one who calls himself "Shalba."

[gasps]

[DDRAIG]

You made a poor decision,

and now you must pay!

[ALL gasping]

[RIAS]

Issei!

[RIAS shouts]

--[ISSEI] I, who shall awaken.

--[SPIRIT BOY] It's starting.

[SPIRIT GIRL]

The time has finally come.

[ISSEI]

I am the Heavenly Dragon

who stole the principle

of domination for God.

[SPIRIT WOMAN]

It has always been this way.

[SPIRIT MAN] That is correct.

Always and forever.

[ISSEI] I mock the infinite,

and fret over the dream.

[SPIRIT MAN]

What the world desires.

[SPIRIT WOMAN]

What the world rejects.

[ISSEI] I shall become the

Red Dragon of Domination.

[SPIRIT MAN]

Has always been power.

[SPIRIT WOMAN]

Has always been love.

[ISSEI and SPIRITS] I shall

drown you in the depths

of crimson purgatory.

What is that?

What is that?!

His aura and power

are incredible to behold!

And dangerous.

[roaring]

[ISSEI]

Asia!

[DDRAIG]

Juggernaut Drive!

[expl*si*n]

[ISSEI roars]

Oh, Issei.

[roaring continues]

[SHALBA gasps]

[screaming]

[SHALBA]

You monster!

[grunting]

[screams]

[ISSEI roars]

[DDRAIG echoing]

Divide!

[roars]

[SHALBA]

He's using Vali's power?

Why must Vali always insist

on standing in my way?

[ISSEI growling]

It's too much.

[growling continues]

[roaring]

President!

[KIBA] Rias, please.

That isn't Issei anymore.

[roaring continues]

[ISSEI snarling]

[SHALBA]

No! You bastard!

This creature must be

the Dragon of Domination!

I have no intention of dying

in a place like this.

Not by your hand!

I can't move. My legs!

Gasper, you can't stop

time right now, can you?

[ISSEI growls]

[DDRAIG echoing]

Boost!

We can't stay here, Rias!

If we do, we'll die.

Come on. I think

we should retreat!

I won't.

Please, Rias!

[KIBA]

I'm sorry. We're going!

[DDRAIG echoing continues]

Boost!

You can't! Don't you realize

I am the descendant

of a true devil king?

You're a mere dragon!

[DDRAIG]

Longinus Smasher!

Don't you dare!

Red Dragon and White Dragon,

damn you both!

[rumbling]

Where's Issei?

[ALL gasping]

[roaring]

Issei.

What's wrong?

He took out Shalba, but he's

not reverting back to himself.

[VALI]

Ah, the Juggernaut Drive.

[RIAS]

Vali!

Interesting find. I sensed

a change in Issei's power,

and came to see why.

Also...

[gasps]

Asia!

[BIKOU] This little healer

is one of yours, is she not?

We just happened

to cross paths with her

while we were moving

through the Dimensional Gap.

This is one very lucky girl.

Don't worry. She's alive.

Asia! Oh, Asia!

[XENOVIA crying]

[VALI]

Unfortunately,

it looks like your servant had

an incomplete transformation.

[RIAS]

Issei, no.

Do you know if there's

any way to change him back?

There's a chance.

It might happen naturally,

but if not, he'll use

up his life force,

and that will k*ll him.

[RIAS] What if we tell

him Asia's all right?

[VALI]

Pointless. He can't hear you.

If you merely approach

him, you'll die.

[RIAS gasps]

But, far be it from

me to stop you.

What about the power

of the White Dragon Emperor?

Please, Vali! Do you think

you're strong enough?

I'm begging you to do

whatever it takes to save Issei!

Help us! Anything, everything.

No matter the cost,

we will do it!

[ISSEI roaring in distance]

The only thing

I think might work

is to find a way to get

deep into his psyche

and then shake things up a bit.

Into his psyche, huh?

[KONEKO]

Shake things up.

[ALL gasping]

[RIAS gasps]

Bingo bongos.

[BIKOU] All you need to do

is show him some boobs.

[VALI sighs]

We can't show him anything

until he's out of that state.

[RIAS] Then how do we

get him out of it?

[VALI] It's been said

since ancient times

that music has been known

to calm the anger of a dragon.

I'm not aware what

the right songs are, though.

--[KIBA] Music?

--[XENOVIA] Music?

--[KONEKO] Music?

--[AKENO] Music?

Music?

Music!

[IRINA]

I know the right song!

[RIAS gasps]

Huh?

[KIBA]

No way!

[RIAS]

Irina Shido?

Why are you here?

[ISSEI roars]

Goodness gracious! This is

worse than I expected!

[AKENO] We know.

What are you doing here?

You know the bigwigs

like to keep up to date

on what's going on with you.

Well, things looked bad.

So Devil King Lucifer

and Azazel sent me.

I've brought you this:

the ultimate secret w*apon!

Check it out!

Can you believe

Lord Odin was able to

transport something that big?

The God of the North

is amazing!

Oh, and that beard!

Talk about a work of art!

Everybody, get ready!

[ISSEI snarls]

Here we go! Play!

[growling]

[ISSEI on video]

Did someone say boobies?

[RIAS]

Huh?

[ISSEI on video]

Breast Dragon Emperor!

[CHILDREN]

It's grabbin' time!

[CHILDREN cheering and laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

[ISSEI] ♪ Once a Grabbin' Dragon

roamed across the land. ♪

♪ Gropin' and grabbin'

anything at hand. ♪

♪ What was he

grabbin'? Boobies! ♪

♪ The Grabbin'

Dragon's struck again. ♪

♪ Grabbin' Dragon,

tail a-waggin', ♪

♪ gropes any cans,

A to triple G! ♪

♪ Ask him nice.

he'll do it again.... ♪

What is this nightmare?

[ISSEI]

♪ And once he's gone around ♪

♪ and pinched every

single nip he can ♪

♪ Then he walks backwards

to do it all again! ♪

[KIBA] Yeah, so Issei

was summoned

to the TV studio

not too long ago.

From what I understand,

he recorded this song

for a children's show.

Don't blame just him.

Guess who wrote

the music and lyrics.

They actually made

time to do this.

It's awful and I love it.

[ISSEI snorting]

[RIAS]

He's reacting!

[KONEKO]

Anyone else completely shocked?

[AKENO] Irina, please

don't stop playing the song.

[IRINA]

Yes, ma'am! I'm on it!

[ISSEI]

Boobies.

[VALI]

I, who shall awaken,

am the Heavenly Dragon

who has lost all

to the principle of domination.

I envy the infinite

and yearn for the dream.

I shall become the

White Dragon of Domination.

Albion.

[ALBION]

Vanishing Dragon.

Balance Breaker!

[music on video continues]

[ALBION echoing]

Divide!

[ISSEI roars]

[music continues]

Go to Issei, Rias.

He needs you now.

You and your massive bosom.

What I'm saying is you have

to let him grab your tits!

Hey!

When he did it before,

he achieved Balance Breaker.

Your boobs gave him strength.

They should have the

opposite effect too, right?

Letting him fondle you may

be the only way to save him!

You think?

[AKENO]

Your girls can do it, Rias.

I know they can!

[AKENO chuckles]

I get how you feel.

It's just not fair, but no

one else has what you have.

--[music continues]

--[ISSIE growls]

[BIKOU laughing]

This is stupid.

[KONEKO]

Sure is.

Yeah! All we can do is laugh.

Issei's... you know.

[ISSEI]

I want to poke them.

[exhales deeply]

For Issei!

[music continues]

[ISSEI]

Funbags.

[ISSEI]

Breasticles.

[ISSEI breathing heavily]

[RIAS] Fine, if this is what it

takes to bring my Issei back...

[RIAS gasps]

[ISSEI shudders]

[ISSEI breathing heavily]

[ISSEI]

Jubblies.

[laughing lecherously]

[RIAS groans]

Well, imagine that.

Issei Hyodo's limit switch

just happens to be

Rias Gremory's rack.

This is my favorite thing today!

[KIBA chuckles]

Oh, Issei. Go figure.

You really are

the Grabbin' Dragon.

Rias?

I'm here, Issei.

I'm right here.

[ISSEI gasps]

Asia.

Asia!

Asia!

I'm okay, Issei.

You sure you're all right?

--I'm so--

--[XENOVIA] Oh, Asia!

We're supposed to be

friends forever and ever.

That's the deal! So don't ever

leave me like that again!

--Promise?

--[ASIA] I won't.

At least, I'll try not to.

I think that I can

promise you that much.

Hey, man, I'm sorry if

I caused you any trouble.

Nah. I don't mind it

every so often.

It was worth it.

[ALL gasp]

[VALI]

Issei Hyodo, take a look.

This is what I came

out here to see.

What is it?

[VALI]

The Apocalypse Dragon.

Written in the Revelation.

Great Red.

He is considered the true

Red Dragon God Emperor.

One day, I'll be the true

White Dragon God Emperor.

But to do that, I must

take out the Dragon of Dragon.

So that's it.

That's your dream.

[ORPHIS]

Great Red.

--It's been a while.

--[ISSEI gasps]

That's just tape!

Meet Orphis, Ouroboros Dragon.

Also known as the

Leader of the Chaos Brigade.

[ISSEI]

That's--seriously?

Oh, yes, Red.

Soon, I'll finally

obtain my silence.

[AZAZEL]

Hey, Issei!

You seem to be back to normal.

[ISSEI]

Azazel, old man!

[AZAZEL] I knew that song

would bring you back to us.

It sure doesn't take

a lot to figure you out.

You're welcome for those

amazing lyrics, by the way.

[ISSEI] Eh, seemed kinda

repetitive to me.

[GROUP laughing]

[AZAZEL]

Blame Sir Zechs, then.

It was all his idea anyway.

[VALI]

Tell me something, Issei.

Do you want to defeat me?

[ISSEI]

Hmm?

[ISSEI]

I mean, yeah!

But it's not like you're

the only one I wanna b*at.

There's still Kiba,

and Saji, too.

There's, like, a ton of you!

[VALI]

Hmph!

I feel the same. I also

find it rather strange

that both of us would have

so many goals and dreams

that take such priority over

our eventual fated battle.

We must be unusual vessels

for the dragons

this time around.

You're probably right!

That said. Someday...

Yeah! Someday,

your ass is grass.

C'mon, I can't

allow you to divide

Rias and Akeno's precious

pairs in half, can I?

Get strong, Issei.

Don't you dare

let me down. [chuckles]

We're off.

Bye, Grabbin' Dragon!

You too, Switch Princess!

Huh?

I'm sorry.

I swore that I would

protect you, no matter what.

[ASIA laughs softly]

Asia.

Let's go back for real.

You wanna go home, right?

I do!

[ISSEI groaning]

[ALL gasping, clamoring]

Shalba has now fallen,

and Vali will hardly

make it to the top.

What are your thoughts?

Should the Hero Faction

make a move soon?

[CAO CAO]

No.

[SIEGFRIED]

You do realize

we will have to make

a move at some point.

The all-powerful

Sacred Gear within you

will not be patient

much longer.

[CAO CAO]

The True Longingus.

Will this spear lead

me to domination...

...or something else?

--[fireworks booming]

--[CROWD cheering]

[ANNOUNCER] Our next event

is the three-legged race.

All competitors

to the start line!

All runners, gather up!

[ISSEI shouting]

Asia!

Issei, you came!

I'm so happy!

[ISSEI]

I may not be back to % yet,

but I'm still gonna keep

the promises I made!

[ASIA crying]

[ISSEI] What'd I say?

Why are you crying?

[ASIA] It's okay!

I'm just glad you're here!

[ATTENDANT]

Next in line, please be ready.

[ISSEI] All right!

Ready to win first place?

[ASIA]

Yeah!

[starting g*n fires]

[ISSEI] Asia, I want you

to stay with me forever!

Please don't leave me again.

[ASIA]

I won't!

[CROWD]

Go Issei and Asia!

You can do it!

[indistinct cheering]

[ISSEI]

We did it, Asia!

We got first place!

[ISSEI]

I can't believe it!

-That was amazing!

-Yep!

We really did it, Issei.

--[ISSEI moans]

--[ASIA gasps]

Asia, I want you

to go heal him

with your Sacred Gear, please.

You won't be seen behind

the gym, so take him there.

Okay!

Come this way, and you can

lean on me if you want to.

I'm sorry.

Go on. You can do this.

That was awesome, thanks!

I feel like normal again.

I'll probably be able to win

the rest of the events now.

[ASIA] Issei, I've wanted

to tell you something,

but you've been

sleeping constantly.

[ISSEI moaning]

Uh, whoa. That's nice.

I wanted to say

I love you, Issei.

And I--I'll stay

by you forever.

[gasps]

[ASIA]

Are you okay?!

[ISSEI chuckles]

[ASIA]

It's true, though.

I'll never stop

loving you, Issei.

[ISSEI] "That's right!

Let's go to Kyoto!"