01x09 - Track 9: Drift Away

[bunniefuu]

(TYPING)

Uh, guys? Any word on tracking down
your van from the Beliebers who stole it?

- JANICE: Okay.
- Not at all.

Now, I'm just the band chauffeur?

- JANICE: Okay.
- Not at all.

Are you even listening?

- Okay.
- Not at all.

I don't know how you're on your phones
without getting carsick.

I myself have
a stomach of steel... (HICCUPS)

(BURPS) Oh, my!

Um, I don't feel so... (GROANS)

Just put the phones down.

But I'm tweeting my followers,
and they need to... (GROANS)

These phones are becoming a real problem.

(MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)

- ANIMAL: Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
- (ALL GROANING)

No. Everyone, just calm down
and take a deep breath, okay? Just...

(ALL BREATHING DEEPLY)

There. Good.

(ALL RETCHING)

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

ANIMAL: Rock on! Rock on! Rock on!

JANICE: And that's when I realized,
true self-love

begins with understanding
the limits of your own self.

Stretch with me.

First, we try a little downward dog.

Downward facing upside.

Reclining donkey.

The three-legged rooster.

The flirty mermaid.

The drowsy dreidel.

The nauseous narwhal.

The magician's assistant.

Whee!

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Sorry to interrupt... Whoa, Janice,

you got a million Instagram followers
in a week?

I know, right?

Like, who knew so many random people
would relate to my self-healing journey?

It's like they blindly follow
everything I say.

It's wonderful.

I'm sure. But hey, I got even bigger news.

So, band meeting downstairs. Five minutes.

For sure.

Okay, now, let's breathe in peace.

(INHALES)

And breathe out love.

It's important to know that when
you're reclaiming a piece of... (MUMBLES)

It's equally important... (MUMBLES)
In your heart.

Oh! That is gold.

Sorry. Who are all you people?

We're speech writers.

For?

Mr. Lips had a vision.
He's on a mission to save the world.

A lot of things happened in Joshua Tree.
I was a falcon, it was a thing.

But as important as this is,
there's a band meeting in five.

You're in a band?

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

TikTok. TikTok.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. TikTok.

(PANTING)

TikTok.

(GROANS)

Oh. Is he okay?

Okay? Oh, he's crushing it.

Tik-tik.

Turns out, Animal has k*ller rhythm.

- Tok-tok.
- Who knew?

Aside from the whole drummer thing.

Tok-tik.

Yeah, you've been doing this
for two days straight.

He seems kinda TikToked out.

Tok-tok

- (THUDS)
- Okay. Well,

good time for a break.
See you downstairs, band meeting.

It's gonna be great. Hear that, Doc?

Band meeting in five.

Oh, uh, could you double
that time, Label Lady?

I got a spicy new video
to post on my channel.

Oh, okay. Sorry, what does that mean?

Penny eats hot stuff
and I capture the magic.

(CHUCKLES)

Next up, is the Penny One-chip Challenge.

ANNOUNCER: (DISTORTED)
Satan's Blowout Hot Chip Challenge.

Says here we should
have a mortician standin' by.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFS)

That's not so... Whoo!

(GRUNTS)

That's some spicy chip right there.

(STEAM WHISTLE BLOWING)

I can't see.

I can't see. I'm going down.
I'm going do... I'm go... I'm...

I feel nothin'.

Well, I'm glad you're alive
and you can still see.

Well, to be clear,
you are, in fact, a blurred silhouette.

My entire face is numb to the touch

and my body is trapped in a blazing
chip-induced hellscape of my own making.

So, yes to the band meeting?

Pos-ulutely. I'm headed there now.

Yeah.

(SIGHS)

Uh...

You tell them there was a meeting?

- Yes, I did. This is nuts.
- Okay. Good. Yeah.

I finally make good on my promise
of booking them the Hollywood Bowl,

and they don't even know

because they're too busy
tweeting and TikToking.

All right, y'all! Ready for the big news.

Thank you.
You see, at least, somebody showed up.

Oh, of course.

I couldn't wait
to tell y'all about my surprise.

- Wait, your surprise?
- I got a song on the Internet.

Surprise!

Um, seriously? Because Nora
has a whole release strategy...

Ah-ah-ah, just watch the video.

Here we go.

- Hit skip ad.
- (JINGLE PLAYING)

No, no, no. Skip ad? That's the best part.

(WOMAN SINGING IN AD)

Right?

(SINGING ALONG)

FLOYD ON VIDEO:
Ma's soup, it's not bad.

Ta-da.

NORA: Uh...

That song is not from the album.

Oh, no, it is not.

Hey, remember when I spitefully
wrote that love song about soup?

It was in that very moment
when I discovered my true life's passion,

writin' ad jingles
to play before Internet videos.

Floyd, you're part of a famous band.
You don't need to be a jinglist.

And you don't need to step on my dreams.

You ain't gonna tell me
that I can't write my jingles.

It's what I do.

(NORA SIGHS)

It's what I love. It's what I am.

What is happening right now?

I know. It's like the only way

to get that catchy little tune
out of my head, is with soup.

No. I'm talking about The Mayhem.

Since when are they too busy to hang out?
They do everything together, always.

And now, they do everything apart.

Well done, Label Lady.

You've been taking sh*ts at me
all week. Why?

No deal, I'm good.

What? Are you leaving?

Album's done. So, I'm done, right?

Come on, Moog. Don't be like that.

You can't just go.

Why not?

It's just... We did it.

I thought we would
celebrate this win together.

Win? You can't even get the band

off their cell phones
and down in the studio.

So, what?
They're enjoying a little independence.

Is that such a bad thing?

When's the last time
you heard them play music?

Literally a minute ago.
Yeah, Floyd dropped a single.

You mean "jingle."

Yeah, it was a jingle-single.

Okay, look,
the band is on fire right now, okay?

I mean, Penny and Teeth
are YouTube superstars.

Animal's trending on TikTok.

Lips is using the Internet
to literally change the world

and I'm pretty sure Janice
is a cult leader by complete accident.

So, yeah,
the band is blowing up because of me.

Yeah, you blew 'em up all right,

'cause that's not the band.
Deep down, you know it, too.

Everything okay, Smooshie?

Smooshie's fine.

I was just going.

Congrats on the album, Nora.

Congrats on being a power couple.

Congrats on everything.

- (TRUCK DOOR OPENS)
- (SIGHS)

- (TRUCK DOOR CLOSES)
- (ENGINE STARTS)

Ooh, sweet man. Gonna miss him.

Yeah, it's fine.
We'll see him at the Bowl.

Which reminds me, we have to tell the band
about the big news.

Or, we could tell it to the whole world.

Yeah, how exactly?

I just have to call my friend, God.

Peace to the planet.
Charlamagne Tha God here,

live from LA today, and I'm takin' a break

from the world's
most dangerous morning show

to give y'all a little Mayhem instead.

- In the building right now.
- ZOOT: All right.

- Amen. Amen.
- CHARLAMAGNE: How y'all feelin'?

We are most humblised
to be in the presence of "The God."

And thank you for creating
butterflies and snowflakes

and mini horses.

They're like
the baby dolphins of the land.

Do you know Santa?

Yeah you do know I'm not "The God," right?

I'm just Tha God. It's a difference.

ALL: Oh!

- Yeah. That makes sense.
- JANICE: Okay. For sure.

Psst. Hey, I can take photos
with my phone.

Zoot here
has always been our band shutterbug.

Posting his Polaroids
on the ceiling of our van.

Yeah, now he posts on Instagram.
You ever heard of this Instagram?

Sure.

- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- Tik-Tok. (SNORES)

What's up with Animal? He gonna be aight?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, my man's a little tuckered

from all that tikin' and tokin'
and dancin' and rockin'.

Tok-tok.

At least your hard work has produced
some new music, right?

Oh, indeed it has.

I just wrote a jingle on spec for IKEA.
Wanna hear it? It goes like this.

(SINGING)

I thought we'd talk about the new album.

You're workin' on a solo project, Floyd?

Not just me. Uh...

Oh, Lips here is working on a Ted talk.
Save the world.

Oh, that's dope.

Yeah, dope it is, mister... (MUMBLES)

And my solo project is, well,
more of a duo with my lady love, Penny.

Which reminds me, (CLEARS THROAT)

please subscribulate
to our YouTube channel

by typing in the letters "H-T-T-P,"

- then comes two dots all stacked up.
- (ANIMAL SNORING)

Then two lazy lines
that lean to the right,

and then a "W," "W" and another "W,"

and just to clarify,
do not type the letter "U" twice.

I mean an actual "W."

Aren't they supposed to be
talking about the album?

Yes. Yes, they are.

And then type a period
or as the kids say, "dot,"

and then you write C-O-M.

What was that address again?

- H...
- It's cool. I'm familiar with that.

As are we.

The information super highway has been
a truly wonderific road to travel.

Oh, for sure. We're, like,
all finding our individual voices.

Shout-out to my loyal followers.

They call themselves the "Forsureleans"

and they call me their spirit mother.

- ALL: Aw.
- That's sweet.

Wow, Spirit Mother. Listen,
if all of y'all are doin' your own thing,

does this mean the band's takin' a break?

No. No, no, no, that would never happen.

But now that you mention it,

I would dig a brief hiatus,
so I can focus on my solo career.

Man, you so deserve that, Floyd Pepper.

Well, thank you very much, Mr. Dr. Teeth.

And may every fiery pepper
you and Penny feast upon,

bring you one step closer to your dream.

Well, isn't that lovely?

So, y'all are breakin' up?

It's more like
we're lovingly comin' together

to hastily go in our separate directions.

Did the band just break up?

Like, totally, and as my
Goopy gal pal Gwyneth would say,

"we're consciously un-banding."

I think the band just broke up.

(STAMMERING)
Someone needs to do something.

Yeah, you, Nora. You need to do something.

I... Argh!

This just might be the friendliest
band breakup in the history of music...

No, stop. Sorry, sorry.

Ignore, Mr. Tha God.
Hi, the band is still a band.

Hey! It's Label Lady.

Come here, so we can thank you
for all you've done for us.

Oh, so, it's her fault
the band is breakin' up.

No, no. Not my fault.

Oh, come on, now. She's just bein' modest.

It was specifically Nora Singh
and Nora Singh alone,

that connected us
to a whole new world wide web of friends.

Which broke up the band.

- Correct.
- (ALL AGREEING)

No, no. No, let's table the breakup talk,

because I'm actually here
to officially announce

that next week, The Electric Mayhem
will be doing a surprise concert at...

Oh, no can do.

Next week, I'll be indisposed,

feasting upon the finest fiery flavors
of Finland and beyondland.

CHARLAMAGNE: Okay.
LIPS: Ooh.

Since when?

Since ten seconds ago.

Uh, Penny texted.
She heard the band's takin' hiatus

and immediately booked
a romantic worldwide voyage.

Oh, that's nice!

- Penny's listening to this? Right now?
- Mmm-hmm.

Great stuff. Thank you for the exclusive.

No! I didn't give you any details
on the...

I'd love to keep talkin',
but we're outta time. Sorry...

- Time! Tik-tok, tick-tok, tick-tok!
- (LAUGHS)

Would you like to be a Forsurelean?

No.

- There he goes.
- (GRUNTING)

NORA: I know you're all impulsive,
but this is too much.

How can you go your separate ways
after years together?

Actually, it's .

And besides,
true family never really says goodbye.

Hey, Janice!

Bye.

Bye! Bye, Zoot.

Oh, my God. (SCOFFS) Moog was right.

- I broke up the band.
- No, don't say that.

You opened our eyes

and showed us there's a whole world
beyond The Mayhem.

Oh, and don't forget your family album.
Here you go.

Perhaps, one day,
we'll find our way back home,

but until then, you'll always be
an honorary Forsurelean,

who shall be spared during the reckoning.

The what, now?

(WHISPERS) You have soft skin.

- Bye.
- Bye.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

Hey! I got your text and...

The interview didn't go great.

Are you kidding me?

I'm over the moon!

Why? The band broke up.

Exactly!

Now, I get to take my Teethy

on a spicy pepper palooza cruise
around the world.

Our show's going global.

- (MACHINE POWERS DOWN)
- Phew!

Now you know why I'm jiggling so much.

I gotta fit in my scuba suit.

You can't just take Teeth and leave.

He has the band,
and you have a company to run.

No, I don't.

But you do.

What?

The whole town's talking about
how you helped The Mayhem.

We're getting flooded with calls

from all kinds of bands
that want to sign with us.

With you!

Seriously?

It's yours, bubala.

I'm handin' you the keys
to Wax Town Records,

just like you always wanted.

I don't know what to say.

Well, say "Yes" already.
I got packin' to do.

Yes! Yes!

Penny, thank you for everything.

Okay, I will not let you down.

I know you won't, kid.

Mostly because
I have very low expectations.

Hey! Who's ready to celebrate?

I booked us Musso & Frank's.
Rib eyes on me.

Wait! How do you even...

I was listening with Penny
when the band imploded.

Great radio, though.

Now, I finally get to sail the ocean blue
with my hunk of green,

while you live your dreams
running Wax Town Records.

(CHUCKLES) By the way, there's mold.

It's all happenin', Smoosh.
My app, your label.

We really are an unstoppable power couple.

JJ helped arrange all of it.

Yup, skippin' town with Teethy-poo
was all his idea.

JJ: Are you mad?

How are you mad?
This is exactly what you wanted.

No! The last thing I wanted
was for the band to break up.

- Who cares about The Mayhem?
- Excuse me?

No disrespect. I'm just saying,

now you get to work
with all sorts of bands. New bands,

relevant ones.

Wow.

You really think
I'd pick this label over The Mayhem?

This is coming out wrong.

I know all you ever wanted
was to make music,

and now, you actually get to.

Not like this.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

PENNY: Hey, handsome,

are we still going for steaks, or what?

- (SQUEAKING)
- (ANIMAL SIGHS)

Nora, can you give me a hand
moving all these boxes in, please?

You do know everyone is moving out, right?

Yeah, no.
These are all for Animal. Mmm-hmm.

He's got sponsors, Nora.

Designer clothing, designer hair care,
designer water.

Congrats on making
#Hanimal such a big trend.

Yeah, no. They dropped the "H," Nora.

Now, it's just plain old #Animal.

That's not the worst thing
in the world, right?

I worked my butt off making videos

and he literally scratches himself
on camera, and goes viral.

- (POP MUSIC PLAYING)
-TikTok.

(GROANING)

Itchy. Yeah.

It's almost like social media is just

shallow and pointless.

Did you really not realize this
until right now?

I did not!

Even worse, Animal's so hooked,
I confiscated his phone

and now he's going through withdrawal.

TikTok.

TikTok.

TikTok.

It's all meaningless, Nora.

All of it! The posting,
the influencing, the TikToking.

ANIMAL: TikTok!

- No! No, no more. Okay, okay.
- Tik, tik, tik.

I'm deleting all of these stupid accounts.

Yours and mine.
And we can finally be free.

- You're free!
- TikTok!

(ANIMAL MUTTERING)

No, he needs help.

That's all my fault.

Hold on.
Did you actually delete your account?

- Oh, no.
- Wow.

I think I'm having, like,
a legit existential crisis right now.

Calm down, okay?
Because the good news is,

we both are.

Why?

Penny gave me the label.

So, you made one album,
and now, you're an actual CEO boss babe?

I guess I am.

Nora, how is that a crisis?

Just hard to take the win
when it feels like I lost everything else.

- (CRASHING)
- ANIMAL: Uh-oh.

TikTok. (STAMMERING)

Seriously?

Trending! (CHUCKLES)

HANNAH: Give me that!

And I thought I had a problem.

(SADLY) TikTok.

Wait.

Zoot threw away his camera?

And his pictures.

Yeah, Zoot's gone digital.

- Hey, Animal.
- Huh?

What do you say
we forget about all of this and just

remember the good times?

Good times?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ELTON JOHN SINGING)

Good times.

The band was perfect,
just being The Mayhem.

No phones, no goals.

Just music and each other.

At least you helped them
make that album, right?

Yeah.

But I think this whole time, I've been
focusing on the wrong album.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Growing up,
I watched our family fall apart.

I'm not gonna let it happen to this one.

Hey!

MOOG: How'd you find me?

Well, my sister kinda has a knack
for cyber-stalking people on the Internet.

(HORN HONKS)

Moog! (CHUCKLES)

Nora.

What are you doing up there?

MOOG: You know,
just contemplating my life choices,

now that my favorite band
has fallen apart.

It's not like anybody warned you.

I know, okay?

We were a team and I let JJ
get in the way, and I blew it.

Look, whatever you want,

I'm just not interested.

You will be.

I don't care what it takes.

The Electric Mayhem
will play the Hollywood Bowl.

Nora, come on.

There is no Electric Mayhem.

Not unless we fix this.

Please.

Moog, they need you.

I need you.

Can you please say something?

I say...

...let's get the band back together.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Looks just like you.