Eggy.
You mind if I share your cab?
Charlie?
It's ironic, isn't it?
You look like a gentleman,
I look like a pleb.
If I was you, I'd unlock your cab.
Pete, get us out of here!
You think that sh*t's
gonna work this time?
You're way out of your depth.
f*ck!
Take him out!
Merlin! We've got a Code Purple.
My driver's down.
Permission to blow these f*ckers away.
Denied.
Cannot be contained.
Head south, I'm clearing the route.
sh*t!
Merlin, I'm entering Hyde Park.
Can I get on with it?
Merlin!
Dark zone confirmed.
Permission to fire.
Oh, thank f*ck for that!
No time to relax.
Police are right behind you.
You have 30 seconds before
they reach your position.
Go directly to Rendez-vous Swan.
Merlin, you do realize
I haven't even got a windscreen right now?
I seem to remember
from your training
you were rather good
at holding your breath.
It wasn't a revenge mission.
Charlie could've just
k*lled you immediately.
Not boasting,
but I trained him well enough
that even he wouldn't mess that up.
Merlin, I'm sorry,
we're gonna have to do
the debrief tomorrow.
I've got to get to a dinner tonight
and if I miss it, let's just say
Charlie might as well have k*lled me.
Well, if you can't wait for
the police to clear the park,
there's another way out in the corner.
f*ck!
How important is that dinner?
Let me show you.
For f*ck's sake!
Babe.
I'm home!
I'm here.
What the hell happened?
It's a long story that deserves a kiss.
Not even JB would kiss you right now.
If you really love me, just one little kiss.
You were really gonna do it?
Yeah.
Now, that is true love right there.
Amazing. I'm gonna go get changed.
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
And Tilde made that for you herself, bruv.
The royal baker's not available.
Shut up Brandon.
Especially if you want some of this...
Wait. Is that that Swedish stuff right there?
Yes.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I aingt drinking none of that.
Last time here, I was wrecked, man.
Yeah, but that's 'cause you
were a lightweight, Jamal.
No, no, babe, I'm good.
Not for me, thank you.
Oh, what?
What's going on, man?
I'm meeting her parents
for the first time tomorrow night.
I wanna make a good
impression, so what?
Oh, yeah, Jamal,
are you free to dogsit JB
tomorrow night while we're there?
Sorry bruv, I've got
to look after my nan tomorrow.
But Liam's free, though.
Yeah?
I can't, mate.
I'm allergic to dogs.
Bullshit.
Dogshit, actually.
That leaves you, Brandon.
What you doing tomorrow night?
Yeah, I'll look after your dog, mate,
but I got one condition.
What's that?
You have a drink with us.
Yeah.
Got to do it, babe.
Got to do it.
Brandon, happy birthday!
Happy birthday.
Yeah.
Cheers.
sh*t.
My dr*gs are everywhere.
They were never my thing
but here I am,
running the biggest
drug cartel in the world.
The only downside is having to
live in the middle of nowhere.
You know, these ruins
are technically undiscovered.
I just added a few touches
to remind me of home.
I grew up on all that
awesome 50s nostalgia.
Grease. American Graffiti.
Happy Days.
But I digress.
The thing you need to understand,
is the hard work and ingenuity,
it took to achieve a global monopoly,
on the drug trade.
And that's all on me.
Not to toot my own horn,
I just think it's really important
for new recruits to understand,
the history of The Golden Circle.
So. Lifelong friends.
Charles, do you think your buddy here
is worthy of joining us?
Ms. Poppy, I would not have brought him
all the way to see you
if I didn't think so.
Excellent.
Well, you hungry?
Starving.
Wonderful!
Right this way.
Make yourselves at home.
So..
Fellas...
I have a couple of things
that I wanna clarify.
You understand,
that in The Golden Circle my authority
is never to be questioned, right?
And the importance of following orders?
Do you understand that?
And the value of loyalty?
It's easy to nod, isn't it?
I don't like easy.
I like proof.
What's your name?
Angel, ma'am.
Angel, baby.
Hey.
Your old pal, Charles, has messed up.
That's all I'm gonna tell you,
because that's all you need to know.
So put him in the mincer, Ok?
No, Miss Poppy!
Good job!
See my salon across the way?
Head there for your makeover.
Eggsy, I hope you're hungry.
Oh, babe,
I was gonna grab breakfast at work.
This looks lovely, but I'm running late.
I just thought maybe we could practice?
For tonight.
Practice?
Eating?
You said you've never
eaten at a palace before.
And...
Pappa is sort of picky
about table manners.
Well, as it happens babe,
I've got this sh*t on lock.
I know what every single one
of them knives and forks is for.
This is a butter Kn*fe.
It's the only one you need to remember,
the rest of the cutlery is easy.
You start from the outside,
and you work your way in with each course.
And never let anyone
describe you as H.K.L.P.
What's that?
Holds Kn*fe like pen.
A habit erroneously believed
to be upper class dining etiquette.
It is quite the opposite.
White wine, pudding wine,
red wine, water and pop.
Or whatever tipple takes your fancy.
Am I supposed to wait for everyone else
to be served before I start eating?
Only if the dish being served is cold.
Or if the Queen is present.
Otherwise tuck in.
Got to be honest,
never really thought
the royalty bit would be relevant.
Harry would've been chuffed.
I wish I could've met him.
You miss him too, don't you Mr. Pickle?
Mr. Pickle says, Yeah.
Hey, no, no, sit down, I'm fine.
I'm fine. Have a good day.
Ok.
Galahad!
You're late.
We were wondering,
if you'd had a second
encounter with Charlie.
I wish.
I'm looking forward to finishing him off.
All right, gents.
Merlin, come in.
Galahad and Lancelot,
please remain for Merlings debrief.
Everyone else,
reconvene at 1900 hours.
So...
the man who att*cked Galahad in the taxi
was Charlie Hesketh.
Rejected Kingsman applicant turned bad.
We last saw him back
at Richmond Valentine's HQ.
I've caught a f*cking spy!
Like everyone else there,
Charlie had a security implant
in his neck.
A weakness we had no choice
but to exploit.
Hey, Merlin.
Still f*cking spectacular, eh?
Come on guys, loosen up.
We saved the world.
Yeah.
Unfortunately Galahad,
you also saved Charlie.
When you electrocuted him,
you damaged his implant.
Instead of his head exploding,
he only lost an arm and his vocal chords.
Fucker should be thanking me.
And now he's back for revenge?
We don't think so, sir.
We believe he's being recruited
by an unknown organization.
Lancelot?
Got the police autopsy reports
from Charlie's colleagues in the SUVs.
They're not just g*ons for hire.
Fingerprints removed.
Teeth filed smooth.
I did a face recognition.
Nothing.
And that thing?
A cosmetic tattoo made of 24-carat gold.
They all had them.
Seems like we're looking
at some kind of underworld organization.
Senora Poppy has sent me
for my makeover.
Follow me.
Please take your shirt off.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
Not that.
This.
Bon appetit.
How is it?
It's delicious.
Welcome to Golden Circle.
♪ Raining in my heart ♪
I think we should do you the favor
of conversing in English, yes.
So, tell me,
what do you do?
I work for Kingsman,
the tailors, Your Highness.
You may address my daughter
as Your Highness.
Please address the Queen and
myself with Your Majesty.
Pappa, this is a family dinner,
not some state function.
Well then, Eggsy.
What do you make of the current situation
in the Indian financial markets?
Pappa!
Well...
I don't think we can
underestimate the impact
of ECB's quantitative easing measures and
of course, the liquidity wave
from the US Federal Reserve rate hike
getting pushed back.
Frida Kahlo.
Well,
other than the 1939
acquisition by the Louvre,
she wasn't really acknowledged
until the new Mexicanisimo art
movementof the late 1970s.
Moorish revival.
The Palazzo Sammezzano.
In Tuscany.
Beautiful.
Bluetooth technology.
Which of course, got its name,
from the legendary Danish king,
Harald Blatand,
whose name translates
to Bluetooth in English.
And the Bluetooth logo is his initials
in Norse runic symbols.
And, as I'm sure you know,
the Bluetooth logo is his initials,
in Norse runic symbols.
Oh, my God, Eggsy.
Why isn't he eating his f*cking pudding?
I need to research this gold tattoo.
I found records of other people
with the same body modifications.
All of them have high level involvement
with crime and international drug trafficking.
And there's rumors of something
called The Golden Circle.
Best agent or best friend?
Come on, JB.
Give it a rest, mate.
Stop scratching the door.
I'm gonna get the blame now.
There you are. Happy?
With the decks and all that.
sh*t, boy!
What the...
Do you reckon, JB...
model material?
I must say, you're really
not as I expected.
Well, thank you very much...
Your Majesty.
Eggsy?
Is that you, mate?
What the f*ck is going on here?
You a gangster now or something?
f*cking hell is that?
Tilde's mom and dad's house?
Tell you what.
Whatever you're doing, I want in.
Put it down!
Why?
I said, put it down now!
What's wrong with it?
Shut it! f*cking shut it!
Eggsy.
I beg your pardon?
Shut it! Shut it now!
All right, mate.
Chill your boots.
Eggsy, what...
Oh, no. Oh, my God, no.
I'm so sorry.
You shut up and all.
You got me in enough trouble.
The next order of business...
Agent Percival.
Arthur.
Oh, f*ck.
Yep.
Kingsman is crumpets.
Like toast,
but British.
And to say thank you...
I got you a present, Charlie.
My guys made you this.
Bigger, badder, better.
I call it...
ARMageddon.
Let's see if your game improves.
Someone decides to wipe out
every Kingsman property,
every agent,
and somehow,
conveniently, you weren't at home.
I could say the same thing about you.
What, you think I'd k*ll Roxy?
And my mate, Brandon,
and my f*cking dog?
No.
You think I would?
This thing...
hacked us.
Clearly, this arm can be remotely controlled.
I'm only alive because my address
wasn't on the database with the agents.
Whoever Charlie's working with,
doesn't think that mere staff,
are m*ssile-worthy.
This aingt funny.
Roxy is dead!
Everyone's dead! Gone!
Do you even care?
Pull yourself together.
Remember your training.
There's no time for emotion in this scenario.
Now,
as all surviving agents are present,
we follow the doomsday protocol.
When that's done,
and only then...
you may shed a tear in private.
Ok.
What's the doomsday protocol?
We go shopping.
We're from Kingsman.
We'd like to buy some wine.
And use tasting room
number three, please.
Not one of my predecessors
has ever been in this situation before.
Thank God.
Remember this?
Yeah, how could I forget?
Whatever's in that safe
is the answer to all our problems.
Is that it?
I suppose that must be
upper-class humor.
I don't get it.
Me neither. What the f*ck
are we supposed to do now?
I think we should drink a toast
to our fallen comrades.
To Roxy.
Roxy.
To Arthur.
Arthur.
Should we do one for JB?
I think we should.
I should have seen it coming.
Charlie, the taxi.
It's all my fault.
No, that's bullshit.
Bullshit Merlin. It aingt,
aingt all your fault.
You're the best, bruv.
Honestly, without you I...
I'd have lost it a long time ago.
I think we should drink to Scotland.
I think we've probably
had enough, to be honest.
You're probably right.
Merlin.
Aye?
I think we're going to Kentucky.
Fried Chicken?
I love fried chicken.
No, proper Kentucky. Look.
You know what else I love?
Country and western music.
♪ Country roads ♪
♪ Take me home ♪
♪ To the place I belong ♪
Oh! Here's where we leave
the casks to age.
Unfortunately, we can't go in,
as it's a temperature-controlled
environment.
So let's move on
to our world class stud farm,
and meet three of
our Kentucky Derby winners.
Biometric security scanner just to protect
a few old barrels of whiskey?
Pull the other one, love.
Got it.
Are you getting anything?
Not yet.
f*cking hell.
It's a shame it's not scotch.
Hang on.
According to this, there's a huge
underground structure right beneath us.
And if my calculations are correct...
This...
is the way in.
f*cking hell, Merlin.
sh*t.
You know, my mama...
she always told me...
us southerners get our good
manners from the British.
I was thinking,
aingt that a pity.
Y'all didn't keep nothing for yourselves.
Y'all aingt never heard of
knocking before you enter?
Well, actually we had an invitation.
Didn't we?
Yeah.
Oh, did you now?
Yeah. Yeah.
It came in the shape of a bottle.
We're from the Kingsman
tailor shop in London.
Maybe you've heard of us?
The Kingsman.
Yeah.
That's where y'all got them fine suits
and them fancy spectacles y'all got on?
Exactly.
That's right.
Y'all look damn sharp.
Let me see if I got it right, here.
You want me to believe that,
it's normal for a tailor,
to hack through an advanced
biometric security system,
with nothing but a little bitty old watch on?
I can promise you...
that dog don't hunt.
So why don't you go on and get down
on your knees,
and tell me who you really work for.
That's 1963 Statesman Reserve.
You just made it personal.
Who the f*ck are you?
A bottle in a secret wall.
You really expect me to take that seriously?
See, I think your story's horse sh*t.
Y'all just trying to cover
for a failed rescue mission.
You here for the lepidopterist,
aingt you?
Ok, so your mystery bottle?
Look anything like that, right there?
Yes. Same brand, much older.
All right.
Let's see here.
You know why the measurement
of alcohol content's called proof?
f*ck off!
For Pete's sake.
See, comes from back in the old days,
when pirates wanted to test
the strength of their rum.
They used to pour a little bit out
on gunpowder.
That'll make you wanna slap
your mama right there, boy.
And if the gunpowder,
if it burnt when they set it alight,
they considered it proof...
that their rum was good and strong.
But see, I aingt got no gunpowder on me, do I?
But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make
just as impressive of a sound,
when I set your balls on fire.
Or you could just tell me who the f*ck
y'all really are,
and how the hell y'all found us.
Look, for the last time,
we have nothing to protect but our honor.
So you can take your cheap horse piss
that you call whiskey,
which, by the way, is spelled without an e,
and is nothing compared
to a single malt scotch,
and you can go f*ck yourself.
What about you?
Me?
Yeah.
No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv.
But I do agree with the part
where you go f*ck yourself.
All right.
Y'all aingt got nothing to protect
other than your honor.
Let's see what happens
when we change things up.
f*ck me.
Harry?
Y'all got three seconds
to tell me the truth.
Wait. No.
No!
Harry!
He can't hear you.
But I can, so talk.
No!
Get down, Harry!
Harry! Harry!
That's two.
Harry!
Harry!
Harry!
Three.
Stop!
Their story checked out.
I opened our doomsday scenario locker
and that umbrella was in it.
Kingsman.
It's got our logo on it.
I'm really sorry.
My apologies, boys.
I hope there aingt no hard feelings.
I was just doing my job.
Welcome to the Statesman,
independent intelligence agency.
Just like y'all, I reckon.
But our founders went
into the booze business.
Thank the sweet Lord above.
This is Ginger Ale.
She's our strategy executive.
Hello.
I'm Agent Tequila.
This is the part where you untie us.
Thank you.
Harry.
Hello.
Hello, mate.
Harry.
How do you do?
Have we met before?
Harry,
it's Ok. It's fine.
They know that we know you.
I think there must be some mistake.
It's been such a long time, Harry.
I need to get my brogues resoled.
Yeah, and my oxfords are done in as well.
Why are you telling me
about your shoes?
I'm a lepidopterist.
You're a what?
I study butterflies.
Well, you wanted to be before
you joined the army, but...
Harry, look at me.
It's good to see you.
We'll be back soon.
These fellas right here,
are our doomsday protocol?
Turns out, our founder's
tailor was Kingsman.
What the f*ck have you done to him?
Nothing. Only tried to help him.
He's got retrograde amnesia.
Now, we knew from his eyeglasses
that he was intelligence.
We just didn't know whose.
How did he get here?
What the hell?
Tequila,
I'm getting a crazy spike,
of extreme low frequency waves
11 miles from here.
I'm gonna need you to escort me
there immediately.
I need your alpha gel.
I'll go check the church.
We developed our alpha gel
technology for our own agents,
in the event of a head sh*t.
The gel protects the brain.
Then in the lab,
we use nanites,
micro-bots, to repair tissue damage.
There are side effects.
Partial amnesia,
regression to the younger self.
With no idea who he was,
there was nothing we could do.
But now you guys are here,
there's a good chance
we can bring him back.
You're late.
Why are you still wearing that?
Until you get rid,
of the perimeter landmines.
I'll keep wearing the suit,
thank you very much.
Scaredy-cat.
Shut up and sit down.
Let's go!
Crocodile Rock, please.
f*ck you!
Hey, hey, Elton, language.
Ok, as fabulous as your catalogue is...
I think I want to hear some Gershwin.
I still can't believe...
you got away with kidnapping Elton John.
I know!
But with Valentine abducting
those celebrities,
it seemed silly not to take
advantage of the confusion.
sh*t. Has Elton got the blue rash?
Lights.
Hey, Elton.
Have you been a bad boy again?
You're lying.
Look at your hands.
What is it?
It's proof that my plan is gonna work.
It's also the first sign
of a slow and horrible death.
Don't worry, I can fix it.
Tell me who you partied with.
It was Angel.
Not very angelic.
Gonna have to clip his wings.
Close the door behind you.
At what point are you
going to start behaving
like a Statesman, Tequila?
You wanna go back
to being a rodeo clown?
No sir. I apologize sir.
I'm Champagne.
But anyone who knows
what's good for him...
calls me Champ.
Sorry for your troubles.
As your American cousins,
I'm placing all of Statesman's considerably
larger resources at your disposal.
Can you imagine us
in the clothing business?
Now,
how can I help you?
First of all, I've got to thank you
for saving Agent Galahad.
Wait.
You said that you were Galahad.
Oh no, he's talking about...
the butterfly guy.
That used to be his handle.
Galahad always said you've got to look at the
bigger picture ask why as well as who.
So if someone wanted to take out Kingsman,
then they've got to be
planning something major.
So what do you know?
They're a drug cartel, we think.
The name Golden Circle
keeps coming up.
We'll look into them.
What else?
One of our former trainees
is working with them.
Charlie Hesketh.
Total prick.
You got any promising leads on him?
His ex-girlfriend.
I've been tracking her through social media.
We believe she's still in contact with him.
And she's going
to Glastonbury Music Festival.
Oh, good.
Agent Tequila,
break out your dancing shoes.
You have a new mission.
Yes, sir.
Hold up.
You feeling Ok?
I'm a little tired, but fine thanks.
Galahad, you ready?
Your face...
You got...
What the...
f*ck?
Oh, sh*t.
Head to the sick bay.
Have Ginger check you out.
Give him your glasses.
You're in luck, kid.
Put them on.
You get our finest senior agent
to join you instead.
Right now, he's in our New York office.
Galahad, meet Agent Whiskey.
Kid,
looks like we're hooking up
with a chick at a rock concert.
My favorite kind of mission.
I'm sending my jet to pick you up.
We've dealt with this kind of amnesia before.
Harry's like a computer,
that needs to be rebooted.
We need to recreate a shock
or trauma from his past,
to trigger his memory.
I hope you're right.
Excuse me.
There seems to be
some sort of a problem here.
Help!
Somebody!
What the hell is going on?
Help me!
Help!
Oh, God!
Stop!
f*ck!
Get him out now.
No, no, wait. His instincts are gonna kick in.
No. I'm sorry to do this.
Are you Ok?
What happened?
Harry, you've forgotten who you are.
We thought this might jog your memory.
Look, when you were young,
you had a choice.
To either be a lepidopterist
or to join the army.
You chose the army.
That led to Kingsman.
You became a Kingsman agent.
I doubt whether I'd work for anyone
who drowns their employees.
I want to go home.
I want my butterfly collection.
I want to see Mother.
There's nothing more we can do.
It's time to let him go.
Babe, I wish I could stay longer,
but I've got to go on with this mission.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Before you go,
I wanna show you something.
I know he could never replace JB but...
Oh, my days.
I hoped he might make you happy.
And give you another reason
to come back home soon.
I love him.
But I don't need another
reason to come home.
I apologize.
Just waiting for my friend.
I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise.
Got to go save the world?
Yep.
Well, if you save the world...
you know what that means.
Yeah, all right.
Bye, buddy.
Got the passes from my contact.
You're gonna love Glastonbury.
Well, that's the easy part, kid.
Take a look in the glove box.
f*cking hell, bruv.
Thought everything
was supposed to be bigger in America.
Is this why you overcompensate
with these massive cars?
Goes on your finger.
The surveillance tracker is in the tip.
Apply light pressure for three
seconds to release it.
Ok, so according to her Instagram feed,
Charlie's ex-girlfriend
is up ahead at the VIP bar.
Which one of us is gonna
plant the tracker?
Bands, boys.
Yeah, that's fine.
I say we both make an approach,
whoever gets on best, goes for it.
Well, it doesn't have
to be a competition, bruv.
Why don't we just go up to her,
shake her hand, pat her on the back,
whatever, you know.
Job done.
The hand is not
a mucous membrane, Eggsy.
Neither is the back.
They teach you anything at Kingsman?
What are you talking about?
Our trackers are designed
to enter the bloodstream.
They circulate harmlessly,
providing full audio and GPS.
Mucus membrane.
That's like up the nose, isn't it?
What the f*ck am I gonna do?
Stick my finger...
It's not just inside the nose, is it?
No, Eggsy, it aingt.
f*ck.
All right, I'll take the first cr*ck.
Watch and learn, buddy.
Good luck.
Here you go, ma'am.
Thank you.
Miss, I beg your pardon.
Now, I don't wanna pester to you but,
I just have to know,
what time are you playing?
I'm not in a band.
Oh, God.
Who did you think I was?
Please don't say someone ghastly.
God damn it, now I feel like a fool.
I just assumed that a woman with your...
charisma...
well she just had to be somebody.
Right.
Thank you.
No, it's Ok. I know you didn't mean
to make me feel like a dumb-ass.
So I'll let you make it up to me
by letting me buy you a drink.
Follow my finger.
What are we doing?
Swiping to the left.
What, you don't do Tinder in America?
Tinder what?
Do you know, I think it's
probably a generational thing.
It translates as "Go away, old man".
Be good, be cool.
Bye.
Thank you for that.
I'm Clara.
River.
Bloody hell, is that the time?
You know what, I'm so jetlagged
I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Where've you been?
Anywhere nice?
South America.
Been spending a bit of time out there.
Training with the shaman,
and trying to really connect
with my spirit animal.
Yeah.
I'm a crow.
And, hang on, let me guess...
No.
Jaguar.
What?
No!
Oh, my God!
Yes?
How did you even know that?
Look, it totally is.
Check it out.
Oh. Ino Moxo.
Black jaguar. Very nice.
You know what?
I wanna buy you a drink.
Eggsy sent this from Glastonbury.
♪ Bluerash is trending on Twitter.
Have you found any correlation
between these cases?
Only recreational drug use.
I know. Not very Statesman-like.
Tequila here...
he is our resident bad boy.
You don't think this could be related
to The Golden Circle, do you?
A drug cartel poisoning its customers?
Doesn't make sense.
Poppy, would you pass the sugar, please?
Ok.
But it's really bad for you.
Eight times more addictive than cocaine.
Five times more likely to cause death.
But it's legal so,
you know, you go ahead.
Knock yourself out.
Don't get me started
on tobacco and alcohol.
Peddle that stuff and you're in Fortune 500.
But me? No!
I'm out here hiding
in the middle of nowhere. Homesick.
Because I sell dr*gs.
Oh, Pops.
You're doing this because you're homesick?
Yes.
I want freedom.
I want fame.
Our profits were 250
billion dollars last year.
I am the most successful businesswoman
in the world, but nobody knows who I am.
Pops, Pops.
It's not long now?
You're right, thank you.
Sorry to interrupt you.
You wanted to see me, Madam Poppy?
Yes, Angel.
In The Golden Circle
we do not sample the merchandise,
and we do not break the rules.
Which is why I have invested in robots,
because they are so much more reliable
and trustworthy than human beings.
Oh! Oh, no.
Sorry we never found your friends.
Well, we all go on our separate journeys,
but ultimately we'll all arrive
at the same destination.
Shall we check my tent?
See if they're there?
Yeah.
Oh, come on.
This is amazing.
Come on.
You know what, I'm busting
for a pee actually.
You could do it on me if you want.
Maybe in a bit.
Give me a sec, yeah?
Ok, but hurry up, River.
Been waiting all night for you
to at least kiss me.
Hey!
Hi, babe.
Bit of a nightmare.
I've got to sleep with a target,
but I won't do it,
unless you agree that it's all right.
You've got to be f*cking kidding.
What was I, target practice?
Babe, surely it's better that
I'm honest with you,
rather than me doing it and not telling you.
Kind of got a bit of
a save the world situation here.
How the f*ck is screwing someone
gonna save the world?
Well, it's a bit complicated but
trust me, I would not be
doing it if I didn't have to.
Babe, please believe me.
I love you.
You are the person I wanna spend
the rest of my life with.
Is that a proposal?
Because I think I'd give you
my permission.
Having that security, knowing
that we were committed,
In that context, yeah.
Yeah, I'd feel different.
Right. Well, I mean...
I want to be with you,
but being a public figure babe,
like a prince...
It's a bit of a factor, you know
what with my job and stuff.
Oh, no, no, no, come on. Ok.
Look, we need to talk about this properly.
Just give me five minutes, Ok?
Don't put yourself down, Eggsy.
I'm sure you can last longer than that.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
I just feel that our spirit animals
need more time to get in sync...
and find a harmonious bond
on the spiritual plane.
Totally.
Yeah?
Or we could just...
f*ck?
Clara, I don't think I can.
Do you know what?
My crow is looking for a place to nest.
Good work, Eggsy!
Tracker fully functional.
Don't worry, I've been
through this with Whiskey before.
Nice to be working with an agent
who knows what he's doing.
Wow, Mr. Crow. My turn.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't.
I'm in a relationship.
That's adorable.
Listen, so am I.
What happens at Glasto, stays in Glasto.
I can't.
Bye, Clara.
This is Princess T,
please leave a message.
Motor Manor Hotel...
Yeah, can you put me through
to Princess Tilde, please.
Actually sir, I'm just looking at my computer,
and I'm afraid that the princess
is already checked out.
Thank you.
f*ck!
Harry.
What's going on?
I was just packing.
Look at these lovely toiletries Merlin
very kindly gave me as a leaving present.
Here, try this aftershave.
Yeah, I know Harry.
I'm wearing it.
Listen, you can't just give up.
Give up?
No, on the contrary.
I'm about to achieve my dream.
Researching rare butterflies alongside
some of the finest minds in entomology.
You know, you may as well
have me stuck up on this wall.
'Cause you're never gonna find a butterfly
more interesting than me.
Sorry?
When you and I first met,
I was just like a maggot.
Maggots turn into flies.
Perhaps you mean larva.
Larva, yeah, Ok. Whatever. The point is,
everyone wanted to squash me.
But not you.
You helped me to become a caterpillar.
And now I've got wings.
I'm flying higher than I ever dreamed.
And that is all thanks to you.
I hate to seem rude, but I need to
finish packing and get some sleep.
Harry, you can't just walk away.
Kingsman needs you.
The whole world needs you.
I need you.
Eggy,
whoever the Harry was that you knew,
he's gone, I'm afraid.
Goodbye.
That's not a martini.
It is in Kentucky.
Fair enough.
Here's to you, Eggsy.
You're exactly what Kingsman needs.
This is Princess T.
Please leave a message.
Can I have another Martini, please?
Sure.
Thanks.
Give up.
You know what?
That was the best Martini I've ever had.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
It's all right.
Don't panic.
Just thought I'd bring you
a little leaving present.
What do you think?
He's lovely, isn't he?
Would you like to hold him?
Hello.
Do you think I should sh**t him?
Are you quite mad?
What? What's the problem?
No! You can't!
What?
No, you'll have to sh**t me!
What sh**t you?
Well, I will sh**t him.
No. No one's sick enough
to sh**t a puppy!
Well, what about you, Harry?
You were sick enough to sh**t a puppy!
Do you remember?
You were sick enough to sh**t a puppy!
It was a blank.
Yes, Harry. Yes!
It was a f*cking blank!
That's right. It was a blank!
I would never hurt Mr. Pickle!
Yes, Harry!
He lived to a ripe old age!
He d*ed of pancreatitis!
You're not Mr. Pickle.
Eggsy.
Hello Harry.
Eggsy.
Valentine has to be stopped.
No, I know.
He has a device.
It's all right.
It's sorted. Don't worry.
We got a lot of catching up to do.
Well, well.
I suppose I should cancel that taxi.
Yes.
If you don't mind...
Merlin.
Welcome back...
Galahad.
Now that we've finished the debrief Harry,
here's a couple of welcome back gifts.
First up,
a brand-new Kingsman watch.
Advanced software it can hack
into anything with a microchip.
It is the bollocks.
And Merlin...
I made you these.
Thank you, Merlin, Eggsy.
How do I look?
You look...
Like some f*gg*t looking for an eye f*cking.
Now...
why don't you get out of our bar...
before I take out your other one?
Now, is that any way to welcome a visitor
from out of town, moonshine?
Ok.
Suck my southern d*ck,
bitch.
No, I don't think that'll be necessary.
Good day, sir.
Well...
What are you ladies waiting for?
Manners...
maketh...
man.
Do you know what that means?
Then let me teach you a lesson.
Are we going to stand around here all day?
Or are we going to...
You big...
Well pick him up.
Now, that is not what I call
a Kentucky welcome.
Manners maketh man.
Let me translate that for you.
What's wrong with me, Merlin?
I thought you fixed me?
Well, we rebuilt your neural pathways.
But it'll take time to get
your coordination back.
And the phantom butterflies?
You will experience episodes,
lapses of clarity.
You'll be back to normal soon.
I feel like a tornado in a trailer park.
♪ Golden Circle proudly presents. ♪
Mr. President, my name is Poppy Adams.
I believe the UN has no teeth.
So I've selected you,
as leader of the free world,
to receive this communication.
And I invite you to begin negotiations...
on the largest scale
hostage situation in history.
A few weeks ago,
an engineered virus was released,
contained in all varieties of my product.
Cannabis, cocaine, heroin,
opium, ecstasy...
and crystal meth.
Some of you are already infected.
And this is what you can expect
in the coming days.
After a brief incubation period
victims present
with stage one symptoms.
A blue rash.
Next.
Second stage symptoms appear.
Mania.
As the virus enters the brain.
Very distressing to the victim
and those around them.
Stage three.
Paralysis.
Muscles enter a state
of catastrophic seizure.
And once the muscles of
the thorax become affected...
breathing becomes impossible,
leading to a very nasty death
within 12 hours.
But...
I have good news,
to the millions already affected.
It doesn't have to be this way.
I have an antidote.
What have you done to me,
you f*cking bitch?
100% effective,
and ready to ship out worldwide
at a moment's notice.
Get out of my room!
You have my word.
Get out!
I will do this...
if the following conditions are met.
Get out of my f*cking room!
First, you agree to end the w*r on dr*gs,
once and for all.
All classes of substance are legalized,
paving the way to a new marketplace
in which sales
are regulated and taxed...
as per alcohol.
And second, my colleagues
and I receive full legal immunity.
Meet my terms
and I look forward to helping you
keep our beloved country great...
boosting our ailing economy,
and easing spending on law enforcement.
Or continue this blinkered, outmoded,
and frankly disastrous
exercise in prohibition...
and live with blood on your hands.
Save lives. Legalize.
I told you that sh*t was no good for you.
Who is Poppy Adams?
After graduating Harvard Business School,
Adams was briefly held
for serious mental health issues,
before disappearing without a trace.
Intelligent, ambitious, ruthless,
lacks empathy, superficial charm.
All the elements of a great CEO.
Or a psychopath.
Following the broadcast
of Adams's message to the president...
there were scenes of chaos today,
at medical centers across the country
and around the world.
We have no more beds available.
The hospital is at full capacity.
The blue rash is now being renamed
The Dancing Disease,
as victims begin to exhibit
stage two symptoms.
Let's prep the cryo unit.
You want to freeze him?
Exactly.
Victims of the virus
caused by contaminated
recreational dr*gs,
flooded hospitals and clinics
in fear for their lives.
Curfews and no travel orders
are being considered as authorities
assess the scale of the disaster.
Close it.
But there has still been
no official response from the president,
who remains locked in emergency talks.
Prepare a presidential decree.
Tell intelligence and law enforcement
to stand down.
We're gonna dance to this lady's tune.
Good.
We can make this work.
We... We spin it that it's not a matter
of negotiation with t*rrorists.
No, what I'm proposing...
is we appear to agree to her demands,
to prevent global panic and then...
let the junkie scum go down in flames.
Yeah.
Take Poppy Adams and her so-called
Golden Circle down with them.
No drug users, no drug trade.
It's a win-win situation here.
But sir, we're not talking about
a handful of hostages.
We could be looking at the deaths
of hundreds of millions worldwide.
Hundreds of millions of criminals,
burdens to society.
Am I right, McCoy?
Absolutely, sir.
But sir that's...
What about people who were
just experimenting?
Folks who self-medicate?
Functioning professionals?
Kids?
Spare me the crap, Fox.
The fact is,
this presidency has just
won the w*r on dr*gs.
Congratulations, sir.
Thank you.
And that deserves a toast.
This is totally unethical, sir.
Fox, shut up!
McCoy, declare martial law.
We need to keep control,
commandeer stadiums,
schools, civic centers,
order a press blackout.
And put the m*llitary on standby
to round these junkies up.
Whether they broke the law or not,
those victims are human beings.
Tequila.
He's a great guy.
And a great agent.
Right now...
he's lying in deep freeze
waiting on our help.
We can't make this personal, sir.
Personal?
Agent, we can't stand by
and let folks like him die.
These people, we're their only hope.
Now, we have to find that antidote.
Poppy's stockpiles, well,
they could be anywhere.
She must have some on hand.
Locate Poppy...
and obtain a sample for analysis.
Maybe it can be replicated.
Sorry to cut in, guys.
But Charlie is on the phone
with his girlfriend.
Looping you in now.
Don't worry. I'm on a payphone,
covered in a f*cking blue rash.
Why didn't you tell me?
All you said was,
don't take any dr*gs.
It was a music festival for f*ck's sake.
f*ck. sh*t. sh*t!
Ok.
Listen. You need to get to the lab in Italy.
Do you remember where we went skiing?
Yes. Yes, I remember.
Yeah. Meet me there
and I'll give you the antidote.
Ok.
All right. Jet's ready.
Whiskey, Galahad, get to Italy.
You two need to fix this code name thing.
And with all due respect, sir.
I don't think Galahad senior
is ready to return to fieldwork.
I did actually mean...
Of course.
And with all disrespect...
I'm not going anywhere without him.
Brains, skills...
skipping rope?
It's a lasso.
Whatever.
Come on.
Go on. Vamoose.
Yes, sir.
Drink it.
It's working already.
Thank God.
Agent Whiskey.
Antidote confirmed at the target's location.
Good luck.
Hold up.
We need you down here, Galahad.
To secure the control room.
Probably a good idea, Harry.
Call you from the top, yeah?
Buongiorno!
Buongiorno.
Hey!
So sorry about this.
At the controls. In position.
Keep this cable car here till we get back.
Roger that, Eggsy.
Clara's definitely here.
We're getting warmer.
Harry Hart, Harry Hart,
super spy, super spy.
Looks like we've got a door.
Yep.
There you go.
I'll cover.
Hi, there.
Sorry I'm late.
You guys did not make this place easy to find.
Who are you?
I'm here to collect this antidote.
For Singapore?
Yeah.
You are Wu Ting Feng?
Yes.
Hey, how are you still alive?
River, what are you doing here?
River?
Hi, Clara.
What happens at Glasto, stays in Glasto.
You m*therf*cker!
Bye, Charlie.
Sound the alarm!
You f*cking cockroach!
Jam the door!
Give...
f*ck!
Galahad, we're coming.
All clear at the bottom?
Galahad, come in!
Open the f*cking door.
They've locked.
Open the door!
Harry, come on, we're in.
Let's go.
Away, butterflies.
Butterfly? No, Harry.
You've got to shut the doors, please.
Come on.
We've gotta go now. Please!
Shut the f*cking door, Harry!
Harry, are you there?
Well done, Harry.
Good. Thanks, man.
Come on. Now!
It's done.
Thank you.
You all good down there, Harry?
All clear.
Hello, Eggsy.
Enjoy the ride,
bruv.
Oh, sh*t.
All the buttons are dead.
Controls gone.
Everything's in shutdown.
You're on your own, Eggsy.
What the f*ck is that?
Oh, my God.
You've gotta be f*cking kidding!
Jesus f*cking Christ!
What the f*ck is that?
What the hell is that?
sh*t!
That's the first decent sh*t
I've had in three weeks.
Harry, meet us at the
emergency rendezvous point.
Roger that.
Got you on the GPS.
So weird to think this tiny thing
could save the world.
Let me have a look.
Harry.
Am I late?
You found the antidote.
Get down!
You f*cking dickhead!
f*ck you! I just
saved your life!
Yeah, and cost millions of people theirs!
All right,
they're going for cover and reloading.
I'll fix their wagons.
Cover me, boys!
Wait.
Eggsy, I think he could be
working for the other side.
What the f*ck is wrong with you?
You're having a brain fart! Look!
Does that look like he's working with them?
Harry...
are you seeing butterflies again?
I know what I'm seeing.
Good job he didn't need our help.
Thank f*cking Christ
I didn't need any backup!
I'm out of a*mo!
Troop carrier coming in.
What've you got?
f*ck!
sh*t! There's a f*ck ton of 'em!
What is this?
Looks like you packed for
a f*cking slumber party, not a mission!
And they've got f*cking Gatling g*ns!
You have 10 seconds
to surrender before we open fire!
Guys, hurry up!
10!
Hey!
9!
Butterfly guy!
8!
You don't look like
Ginger fixed you right.
7!
I said I'm empty!
6!
Give me yours.
5!
Harry, give him the f*cking g*n!
4!
Harry, no!
Oh, f*ck it! Fire!
Harry, get down!
I mean, honestly Harry,
what the f*ck is wrong with you?
He broke the vial on purpose!
You're a f*cking idiot!
You're out of control, Harry!
If we made it out of here,
he was gonna k*ll us both!
For f*ck's sake, it looks like he wouldn't
have f*cking had to!
Oh, ye of little faith.
This does not mean
you're off the f*cking hook!
We need to go dark.
We don't know who else at Statesman
could be working against us.
sh*t! This is all my fault.
You weren't ready for the field
and I pushed for it!
He showed his hand.
You think he'd have let us live?
You should be thanking me
for saving our arses!
Saving our arses?
Try saying that to f*cking Whiskey!
You are unbelievable!
Merlin, can you hear me?
Yes, Eggsy.
Whiskey's down.
He's been sh*t.
What happened?
He got caught in the crossfire.
I've applied the alpha gel.
We'll bring him in.
But first, I've gotta find a way to get back
up to that lab and retrieve more antidote.
Charlie, what's happening?
Where are you?
Everything's under control.
I'm sorry, Charlie.
I'm so sorry.
Please don't tell Poppy
it was me they followed.
Don't worry, darling.
What happens in Italy...
stays in Italy.
Thank you.
Merlin, change of plans.
Wu Ting Feng, Singapore.
Who?
Exactly.
It's the only lead we've got.
So I suggest you find out who he is.
Come on.
Wu Ting Feng,
he's an assistant at a law firm.
Let's get through their firewall.
Yep.
Merlin...
have you ever wanted
to do more than this?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
This is vital.
Without us, they'd be lost.
I know, but you know what I mean.
Get out there in the field.
Well, have you ever asked?
Of course I have.
But every time an agent's
position has come up...
Whiskey has voted against me.
No.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, check it out.
Email in from Poppy,
from a senior partner at the firm.
They're coordinates.
Cambodia?
You have any reconnaissance
drones down in Asia?
Sure do.
Sending them in right now.
The government today urged
Golden Circle victims
to report to the temporary field hospitals
now set up across the country.
The president's handling of the crisis
has been commended
by other world leaders.
Damn. Politics has never been so easy.
Oh, Jesus.
Fox.
What?
Oh, God.
Like I said, sir...
this affects all people from all backgrounds.
I'm disappointed, Fox.
Disappointed and disgusted.
Mr. President,
I routinely work a 20 hour
day for you, 7 days a week.
Maybe some can do that
without chemical help.
Countless people are going to die.
You can save them, sir.
Innocent people like me.
Not that innocent.
He looks great.
Good.
Good news, gentlemen.
He'll be back on his feet in no time.
I'm not certain that's a good idea.
What do you mean?
I sh*t Agent Whiskey.
Deliberately.
What, why?
He was working against us.
And until we find out why,
I say we trust no one.
Merlin, Harry's sick.
This whole thing is my fault.
I thought he was ready.
I'm sorry, I've got to take this.
Listen to me.
This is not about my mental health.
If there's a chance there's
a double agent in our midst,
or worse,
if Statesman itself has a dark agenda...
we have to safeguard this mission.
We both know the president
wants these victims dead.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
f*ck.
Look, Harry, I trust you.
I always have.
But it's about this situation.
We need Statesman's resources.
And I need to know
that you are fit for work.
Babe, why didn't you call me?
Are you the banana man?
Listen, we're on the verge of finding
an antidote.
It's gonna be all right.
Now, look left for me.
There's nothing wrong with my brain.
Look right.
Can you remember the headline
when you uncovered that
spy ring in the Pentagon?
The football.
England b*at Germany, 5-1.
Thatcher's assassination attempt.
Charles and Di's wedding.
Hey, Bjorn Borg.
Babe, if you can hear me,
I want you to know that I love you.
And if we get through this,
and you'll have me back,
I wanna be with you.
No matter what.
I promise I won't let you down.
It's all gonna be all right.
My favorite singer.
I don't bloody know.
How would I know that?
It's John Denver.
Merlin!
Have you got eyes on that location yet?
Soon. The reconnaissance
drone's about an hour away.
Which gives us time to sort out...
Bollocks, we haven't time for anything.
I'm leaving now.
With or without you.
Hello!
Identify yourself.
My name is Stacey Prewitt.
I'm Ms. Poppy Adams' attorney.
Poppy, you expecting a lawyer tonight?
Oh, yes. Please send him in.
But don't forget to reactivate the landmines.
Good evening, Ms. Adams.
My lawyer is bringing you
the document right now.
Hurry up.
And once you countersign,
it becomes an executive decree
and you can't back out,
and then I release the antidote.
Can you give me any assurance
you can get it out there in time?
And where's it gonna come from?
How long it'll take to distribute?
I wouldn't worry about that.
I have secure stockpiles,
hidden in every major city worldwide.
And when I enter the access code,
my fleet of drones
will distribute the antidote immediately.
So don't dilly-dally signing that document
'cause time is running out.
You dumb bitch!
You all right?
What was that phone call you got?
Let's not, Harry.
I don't think you'd sympathize
and I'm not really in the mood for a lecture.
All right.
How about a martini?
For old times' sake?
Yeah, all right.
I had a girlfriend.
I lost her.
And it broke me.
And now, if this mission fails...
she's gonna die.
I know it's against Kingsman rules,
having a relationship.
When I was sh*t...
can you guess what the last thing
was that flashed through my mind?
It was absolutely...
nothing.
I had no ties.
No bittersweet memories.
I was leaving nothing behind.
Never experienced companionship...
never been in love...
and in that moment...
all I felt...
was loneliness...
and regret.
I'm sorry.
Don't be.
Just know that having something to lose...
is what makes life worth living.
Now, let's go and save your girl.
I missed you, Harry.
Gentlemen.
I hate to break up a party.
We're nearly there,
so I suggest we get ready.
Follow me.
Oh, yes.
Hello, gorgeous.
I'm Jack. What's your name?
How would you like to ride
home on a real cowboy?
I got a six pack of cold ones on ice
and my roomie's out all night.
So you can scream my name
as loud as you need to, sugar.
I hate to do this to you, Jack.
Who's this pretty lady?
She's dead.
Cops said wrong place, wrong time.
Hey, honey. I'm heading
to the grocery store.
My name is Poppy Adams.
Ginger.
g*dd*mn butterfly guy sh*t me
in the f*cking head.
Why would he do that?
Well, I'm guessing you didn't fix him right.
And where the hell is he?
He's on his way to Cambodia,
with Eggsy and Merlin.
That's where Poppy's base is.
Eggsy's gonna need backup.
Yes, he is.
Get the Silver Pony on the runway
and ready to take off.
Hey, hey.
Looking good, Merlin.
Feeling good, Eggsy.
Right. This is yours.
That's for you.
Press the S.
Minesweeper.
Courtesy of Statesman.
And what about these?
Careful.
Those are hand grenades.
As discussed,
this is for the endgame.
I'm entrusting it to you.
And I'm entrusting, this...
to me.
Millions of Golden Circle victims worldwide,
are now entering stage three paralysis.
In his latest statement...
the president promised he was doing
everything in his power
to speed up negotiations and save lives.
But fears are growing that for many,
it may soon be too late.
Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims.
God help us all.
Right.
This is where we split up.
Pincer movement.
Merlin, you're with me.
Eggsy, you signal when we're in position.
Don't move.
You move, we die.
Luckily, I have this.
This spray will freeze the trigger mechanism...
give us a split second.
So on the count of three...
what I want you to...
Merlin!
Merlin, what the f*ck have you done?
Our journey together
began many years ago...
when your father
did the same thing for us.
Our journey began with a mistake I made.
Give me the can.
That's an order.
Can's empty.
Split second's over.
You two need to get going.
No, no, no, no.
There's got to be another way.
He's right.
Mission comes first.
Bollocks, mission comes first!
This is bull...
Eggsy!
This is no time for emotion.
Remember your training.
Or we all die.
Now get on with it.
Do as you're told.
Move it!
Go.
It's been an honor.
Good luck.
♪ Almost heaven ♪
♪ West Virginia ♪
♪ Blue Ridge Mountains ♪
♪ Shenandoah River ♪
Poppy, come in.
Roger.
♪ Life is old there ♪
Are you expecting another lawyer?
♪ Older than the trees ♪
There's a guy here singing.
♪ Younger than the mountains ♪
Singing?
♪ Blowing like a breeze ♪
♪ Country roads ♪
♪ Take me home ♪
♪ To the place ♪
♪ I belong ♪
Bring him to me.
♪ West Virginia ♪
♪ Mountain momma ♪
♪ Take me home ♪
♪ Country road ♪
Poppy, we got a situation here.
♪ Country roads ♪
♪ Take me home ♪
♪ To the place I belong ♪
♪ West Virginia ♪
♪ Mountain momma ♪
♪ Take me home ♪
♪ Country roads ♪
He stepped on a land mine.
Can we get somebody out there
to clean that up?
Hello?
Crap. We're under att*ck.
Code five. Code five.
You two, off your f*cking asses.
Guard the door.
Sir Elton, stay here.
We're under att*ck.
Is it a rescue attempt?
Might be.
Yes!
♪ Wednesday, Wednesday ♪
♪ Wednesday, Wednesday ♪
♪ Wednesday, Wednesday ♪
♪ Wednesday night's all right ♪
♪ Hey ♪
Isn't that supposed to be Saturday?
What day is it today?
Wednesday.
Exactly!
Elton, just calm down.
f*ck you!
Stay there, Elton.
f*ck off!
Or I'll f*ck you up.
f*ck me.
Holy cow.
Get this out of here. Go!
Eggsy, get the case.
You are going to tell me...
what the access code is.
Come on, Jet. Good girl.
m*therf*cker!
Get out of the way, Elton.
Stay down.
It's not allowed to hurt me.
Thank you.
f*ck you, Poppy!
f*ck you, Poppy!
f*ck you, Elton.
k*ll Elton John.
f*ck!
Elton, take the ball.
Thank you.
Now, go off and save the world.
If I save the world, can I have
two tickets to your next concert?
Darling, if you save the world,
you can have a backstage pass.
f*ck you.
Time's up.
f*ck!
Bennie, Bennie, Bennie!
Get them!
Got it.
k*ll him, Bennie!
Here, heel! Heel! Good boy!
Come on!
Give me the code.
No. We're not done yet.
Lucky for you Charlie,
one of us understands
what it means to be a gentleman.
Let's make this fair.
Give me the code!
I can't.
Only Poppy knows it.
Well, then you're no use to me, are you?
For the record Charlie,
I'm more of a gentleman
than you'll ever be.
But right now, it's time
to drop the gentle bit.
This is for Kingsman.
For my mate Brandon.
For Roxy.
For JB.
And for Merlin.
Good night, bruv.
Hey, fellas.
You're going to give us the code.
Or what?
'Cause you don't seem like the kind
of gentleman who would hurt a lady.
Perhaps not.
Call me old-fashioned.
I don't consider genocide
especially ladylike.
Right. Enough small talk.
Give us the code.
Sure.
No. I don't think so.
Heroin.
You know, where I come from,
this sh*t you've been peddling's
ruined a lot of lives.
But yours is even more deadly.
But it feels so nice, it's gonna
make you lower your guard.
Our colleague Merlin,
may he rest in peace,
managed to synthesize your
horrible little formula...
and speed up its effects.
So I would say you have
just under eight minutes
before paralysis sets in
and your breathing stops.
But of course...
you know all about that.
So here's the deal.
You release the antidote worldwide,
and we make sure you get a dose.
I have to give you the code to live?
Honey, you're so smart.
You should work for me.
Right. Give us the code.
Why not? The decree's getting
signed soon...
anyhoo.
It's Viva las vegan.
Get it?
Viva las...
Come snuggle with me.
I like you.
I don't think that's terribly likely.
She's OD'd.
You gave her too much.
Did I?
You know, I really don't have as much
experience with all this drug stuff,
as people think.
Better be the right code.
Viva las...
So?
Don't move, kid.
You try anything funny,
and I'll turn this thing electric.
Now give up your g*ns fellas.
Slide 'em over.
Whiskey.
We are all on the same side here.
You've had a head injury.
The exact same thing happened to Harry.
You're having some sort of brain glitch.
Nope. My braings all good, kid.
And you know what?
I reckon the same was true
for your friend Harry over here.
Real fine instincts, I'll give him that.
So stay still...
or I'll dice him up so small,
you can take him home in a bucket
and still have room for what's left
of your buddy, Merlin.
Well, that's just f*cking great.
You're working for the president?
That assh*le?
Hell no. It's a matter
of personal principle, agent.
No more drug users.
And the Statesman share price rockets.
So those are your principles?
Making money?
Our agencies were
founded to uphold peace.
To protect the innocent.
Do you wanna know who was innocent?
My high school sweetheart.
Love of my life.
Pregnant with my little boy.
He'd be about your age now,
if his mama hadn't got caught
in the crossfire
when two meth head freaks
decided to rob a f*cking convenience store.
A world without those people in it...
sure smells like peace to me.
You break the law...
you pay the price.
Good riddance...
to all of them.
That's why I got to destroy that case.
Now slide it over, Agent Galahad.
Thank you.
Do you know what, Harry?
I think he's got a point.
I think it sounds like a bright idea.
Put alpha gel on that,
dickhead.
Viva las vegan.
This one's for you, Merlin.
It's a day of worldwide celebration
as millions rejoice...
after they or their loved ones
were saved from death.
Distribution of The Golden
Circle antidote continues,
and field hospitals are emptying
as victims return
to their homes tonight, cured.
Come on, Liam. Man, come on.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I love you, man!
I love you!
I'm never touching that sh*t again!
What happened?
Did I miss something?
You sure did.
From now on, Tequila,
I suggest you stick to booze.
The president actively sanctioned
the deaths of hundreds
of millions of people,
and lied to the public.
I am proud to be responsible
for his impeachment,
and I will do everything I can
to ensure a smooth transition of power.
In honor of this historic occasion,
we have purchased...
a distillery in Scotland.
This shows the world,
that Kingsman is now
joining the liquor business.
Before we were cousins.
Now we're brothers,
working side-by-side.
All our resources are now yours.
You can rebuild.
Yeah, y'all sh1tting in high cotton now.
Agent Tequila,
this is a formal occasion
where's your tie and jacket?
Sorry, sir.
Maybe the Kingsman boys
can dress you properly.
To our union!
To our union!
Final order of business...
we would be honored...
if one of you would be
our new Agent Whiskey.
Yeah, this two Galahad thing
is just f*cking confusing.
Well, I'm very honored...
Champ...
I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.
All right!
Statesmen, the vote.
Looks like she's in.
Have a seat.
To Agent Whiskey!
Agent Whiskey!
Cheers!
Are you sure I don't look like a d*ck?
Look in the mirror.
What do you see?
Someone who can't believe
what the f*ck is going on.
I see a man who is honorable...
brave...
loyal...
who's fulfilled his huge potential.
A man who's done
something good with his life.
I owe you everything, Harry.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
You ready?
Not a doubt in my mind.
As one of our
founding Kingsman once said...
this is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is perhaps,
the end of the beginning.
Yeah!
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)
Moderator: Maskath3