01x03 - Always Buy a Ticket

[bunniefuu]

[crashing]
[man screaming]

[man yelling]

[grunting]

[screaming]

Be a good sport.

This is just
mogwai being mogwai.

And there are so many mogwai.

Easy there, little buddy...

[screaming]

[screaming]

[nails scratching]

[man whimpering]

[screaming]

I got one, boss!

But it got my finger.

Look at you.

Such joie de vivre.

Soon I shall
share your passion.

Apprehend the rest...

Uh, boss, we got word
the Wing boy and Elle

were spotted hopping on a train
with the mogwai...

[mogwai chortling]

[Greene] May they have
a long annoying journey to The Valley of Jade

and all the trouble it brings.

I only need
one mogwai and look,

I now have my own ripe supply.

[mogwai chortling]

[theme music playing]

[train engine chugging]

Wow...

[Sam] You ever see
anything like this?

Eh. They're pretty
for hunks of rock,

if rocks are your thing.

They are! Geology is like
a good novel that never ends.

So we ride this to the end,
then hike to Ghost City,

and inside there is The Valley of Jade?

Elle, I think Grandpa
was pretty clear about this.

The Valley isn't in the Ghost City,

"The key to the Valley is."

- And what does that mean?
- I have no idea.

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

But I guess Gizmo does.

[chuckles] Wonderful.

We have a map
that no one understands

except a magical squirrel
that speaks gibberish.

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

Tickets! Tickets, please.

You said
we didn't need tickets?

Yeah, I couldn't believe
you went for that.

Okay, nobody panic!

So, do they throw us off?

Or do we throw ourselves off?

I'll talk to the conductor.

[sighs in relief] Okay.

[both gasp]

[humming]

Tickets, everyone
needs a ticket.

Two first-class tickets, please.

Hm, first-class...?

Right this way.

[chuckles]
Oh, she's good.

Stealing's wrong!
And dishonest! And it's against the...

Wow!

[Gizmo] Bright light!
Bright light!"

Okay, yes,
this is the nicest room I've ever been in...

Whee!

But that doesn't mean
I'm okay with stealing.

[groaning] You're making me
miss Greene.

- Oh, come on, I was kidding.
- And I'm not.

You aren't working for Greene anymore.
You can retire those "skills."

I can? You mean it?

Kiddo, I was using my "skills"
long before I met Greene.

And without them, we'll never
make it to the valley.

Hmph. Well, I'm earning
my money! [grunting]

Come on, Gizmo!

[Gizmo snoring]

Well, have fun "earning."
I'll lounge here and watch the critter.

Bye-bye!

I'm done with Gizmo.

[blows raspberry] Huh?

Pocket Kn*fe, rope,
mortar and pestle, more rope,

another dead scorpion,
spare underwear, ginger root, dice,

wow, he really had
a lot of rope...

Squid ink?

Shoeshine?
Shoeshine?

[snoring]

[Gizmo whimpering]

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

Touch my coins,
and I'll make you into a purse, furball.

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

I'm guessing this
doesn't translate to "everything's fine."

Shoe shines!
Um, half-price shoe shines!

Quarter-price shoe shines!

Any price shoe shines?
Hello?

I've been needing a polish.
These trains are dust traps.

Happy to help, sir, with a shine
or anything else you may need!

Do you suffer from headaches?
Dandruff? Earwax clogs?

I can cure it all! Sam Wing,
of Wing Family Medicine.

"We have the brains
to cure your pains."

[whispers] I also do haircuts
and nose trims for, oh, umm...

Public servants?

You're looking at a Ministry
of Railways Inspector, son.

A train cop.

[gulps]

[laughs] But you can
call me Yao.

Now, Sam, did I see you earlier?
With a gal-friend?

[chuckles nervously] I wouldn't
call her a friend.

She's more of...
A travel companion?

A travel companion that travels
with other people's wallets.

Oh! Wallets? This crime
wave is out of hand!

I know nothing about it.

I saw her do it.

Me too! I'm sorry, sir!

I have no control over her.
Please don't arrest me.

I can tell you're a hard-worker.
I'll let it slide this time,

but, son, I don't mean
to tell you your business,

but that kind of two-bit punk
is not to be trusted.

I wouldn't leave anything
important with her.

Or anyone...

Sorry, sir, I have to go.

There's, uh, an earwax
emergency in first class.

Hey! You only did one shoe!

Something freaked you out
and you wanna hide. I get it.

But that was the first time
I slept in a bed in years.

Years, Gizmo. Let's go back.

[Gizmo screaming]

Sam.

And where are you two off to?
Gonna steal more stuff?

[laughs] Kidding!
It's not a question.

You'll definitely steal again.
[laughs]

Sam okay?

Oh, wowsies! He talks.
Of course, he talks!

I love it
when the little guy talks!

I missed you too, little guy!
Can I get that mogwai back now?

You're acting really strange.

First time on a train,
that's all!

[Gizmo squeals]
[Elle screams]

Goat feet!

Sam?

[screaming]

[both scream]

Give me the mogwai!

Gizmo? Elle?

I knew it!

[panting]

I knew I couldn't trust you!

Not a step closer.

Gizmo? What's going on?

Don't talk to him. I don't know
who or what you are!

What are you talking about?
Is this a con?

Or is this sarcasm?
I still don't get that...

You know what?
I don't even care. Gizmo, come here.

- Where did we meet?
- What?

"What" is not a place!

The circus!
The circus! The circus!

[Elle and Gizmo sigh in relief]

Why, Elle?

First you steal Gizmo
and try to ditch me,

then you s*ab me...

There's a monster on the train
that can morph into you.

He's after Gizmo. We're running
from him, not ditch...

You expect me to believe that?

Making that deal with you was
the dumbest thing I ever did.

We don't have time for this.

I knew you were bad.

And you're weak!

He belongs with me!

Give him to me!

Sam, what's going on?

We can hear you
in the dining car, buddy!

Who the heck is... never mind.

Your shoes scream "train cop."

Yes, he is a train cop
and my friend...

Who looks out for me!
More than I can say for you.

Thank you, son,
for handing me the mogwai.

Now for my curtain call,
do you like dramatic irony?

- Dramatic what?
- [Yao chuckles]

[gasps]

[struggling]

[both gasp]
[Gizmo screaming]

[screaming]
[laughing]

[screaming]

[both grunting]

[growling]
[both screaming]

[door opens]

[evil laughter]

Huh?

[gulps]

You may wonder
why you're here.

Assuming your species wonders.

The answer...
history.

You are going to help me...

make it.

[whimpering]

So, you really never guessed?

Never had a clue?

That instead of a cop,
you're a giant, spiky monster?

No.

Well, that's why, Yao,
is my go-to role.

Love being that guy.

You just add some
baritone to the voice.

A little old guy arm crossing,

throw in some dad jokes,
and hello, Yao.

But being you, Sam?

[in Sam's voice] Shoe shine,
shoe shine.

Happy to help you, sir,
with the shine,

or anything else you may need.

So chipper, so sweet,
so not my thing.

Inept victim roles
don't suit my talents.

I couldn't quite pull it off,
right, Elle?

Eat scum and die,
freak show.

Let's save the constructive
criticism for later.

I can't focus on anything
with this guy so close.

[sniffing]

I've been riding this
thing for years

and never found anything
more magical

than a very rude,
three-legged crow.

But now, I'm grateful
there's no one else.

You're all mine.

[screaming]

[Gizmo screaming]

You're gonna... eat Gizmo?

But why?

Many know...

the three rules
of the mogwai.

Water, light, food.

But after swallowing
many pearls,

actually human souls,

I discovered there's a little
known fourth rule...

Life.

Unless mogwai are wounded
or hurt,

they will naturally live
forever.

And thus,

if you eat a mogwai, you...

Live forever.

[Gizmo whimpering]

If you eat a mogwai,
you live forever?

The moment you boarded
the train, I caught a whiff

and I couldn't believe my luck.

Mmm... Like happiness
and love in a coconut bun.

Now the important thing is to
get the whole mogwai in your mouth at once.

Kind of like eating
a Xiaolongbao.

The beauty of your hideous kind
is that your immortality is an unlimited resource.

With mere water, I can
multiply and sell your eternal gift

to the highest bidders
over and over again.

But first, a volunteer
for the honor.

[mogwai chortling]

[mogwai talking]

You do look like
you'll go down the easiest.

With a little assistance.

[mogwai chortling]

[screaming]

[Greene gulping]

Yes, yes, it's...
it's working.

I feel it.

The immortality is... [gags]
rising up in me.

[stomach rumbling]

[vomits]

Of course, make sure
it's a furry mogwai.

You do not want to
eat a scaly one.

Eugh, you also don't want
to boil the mogwai.

It will k*ll the flavor
and...

Mr. Monster, you're
a shape-shifter, right?

I go by the name of Odd-Odd,

or the amazing Odd-Odd.

I'm credited as both.

Okay, Mr. Odd-Odd,
if you wanted Gizmo,

why didn't you just take him
when you had the chance?

[Odd-Odd sighs]

I was...
really hoping you'd ask.

[mogwai laughing]

[gags]

[gags, coughs]

Oh, that was absolutely awful,
why is gaining knowledge always so disgusting?

Change of plans.

Ready my steamship.

We're traveling to
The Valley of Jade, after all.

I was born a performer.

All shape-shifters are.
I played the greatest parts

in the greatest stories
for the greatest audiences.

Eventually I needed
fresh material to perform.

So I stole the Lord of the Wind scroll
from the celestial realm.

Performed it.
Best reviews of my career.

But the theft came with a curse
that makes it impossible

for me to take anything ever again.

Whatever I need,
must be given to me.

So I pivoted to a new stage.

This train.

There was a new audience every day.

And travelers were easily
tricked into giving me whatever I needed.

However, age is unkind
to those in my profession.

No matter your talent,
your star fades.

Unless that is,
your star can never fade.

Your mogwai's immortality

is the best motivation
I've had in years.

Uh, amazing.

Can you tell me more
about your process?

You're such a master.

Yeah. Have you thought
about teaching classes?

You know, I have considered
teaching but my heart isn't in it.

I love the stage too much.

[growling]

[screams]

[door slams]

Now what?

Now we save Gizmo.

[snarling]

[clanging]

We all have roles
to play here.

I am the diner.

You are the meal.

[snarls]

Let me eat you.

Really not the time
for reading.

Grandpa told stories
about shape-shifters.

There could be something
in here that could help us.

Here, I found something.

There's a spice mix
that strips its powers.

We have to
douse him with it.

So, we season him to death?

We need pepper,
goji berries,

uh, we need a gourd.

Huh?

What else?

Okay, last ingredient, fox fur?

How? I've never even
seen a fox.

[Sam gasps]

Yeah, it's stolen.
Deal with it.

We gotta get up there.

[growling]

[growls]

Hey, world's ugliest hedgehog.

Whatcha got in that gourd?

Old family recipe.

[growling]

[Gizmo whimpering]

[Sam gulps]

[Elle gasping]

[screams]

[Elle screams]

Oh.

[grunting]

[Sam squeaks]

[Sam screams]

Sam, throw the gourd.

Sam, now!

[growls]

[Sam screams]

[screaming]

Bye-bye!

[Odd-Odd laughing]

[Odd-Odd laughing]

He's actually... tiny?

He's an actor
playing a part!

Hey.

Show's over, Spikey.

[Odd-Odd shrieks]

[Odd-Odd shrieks]

[exclaims]

[Elle screams]

[Elle screams]

[Odd-Odd whimpering]

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

[Gizmo talking gibberish]

Alas, my final bow.

[breathing heavily]

Elle, you saved us.

I don't know what we
would've done without you.

Probably die.

I'm sorry I dropped
the spice mix,

but at least we b*at
the Odd-Odd.

Let's get off the train.

Uh, I've seen that
look before.

Still upset
about me swallowing your dad?

Why are you taking us
with you?

Well, actually, I wasn't
planning to. I was going to bury you in a ditch.

Thanks for taking us with you.

Great ship you have here.

I know.

I know a great many things.

Where Arabian ostriches
go to breed,

the secret of French cooking,
it's butter.

And of course, children always
want their parents.

Leverage.

It's the key
to any negotiation.

It's why I never
dispose of anything,

until I'm absolutely certain, it is trash.

[growls]

Speaking of,
meet your shipmate.

[electricity crackling]

[electricity crackling]

In the ghost city, I will catch your boy,
take his furry mogwai,

and gain entrance to,
The Valley of Jade.

These creatures may prove
useful in my endeavors.

And if not,
I'll bury them in a ditch.

You'll never catch Sam.

My dad taught him well.
You have no idea.

Stop. When
I swallowed your father,

I gained his knowledge.

I know exactly who Sam is.

He's a boy that's never
walked around the block alone after dark.

How is that child
going to survive this journey?

Elle, I'm sorry
for not trusting you

and for the things I said.

Here, hold him
any time you want.

[Gizmo purrs]

[Elle sighs]

Thanks.

[Sam grunts]

[Elle grunting]

[Gizmo screaming]

[theme music playing]