04x13 - Close Encounters on the Third Hole

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Good morning, Kraus.

Ah! Benson!

What are you doing here
on a Sunday afternoon?

The Governor and I
are gonna play some golf.

Well, go on, say it.

The Governor and I
are gonna play some golf.

Come on, Benson, I know
you're dying to make some
stupid remark about my hair.

No, no, no. Today is Sunday,
let's give it a rest.

Go on. Tell me to enter
my head in a roller derby.

Kraus.

Ask me if I'm picking up
radio signals.

Ah, Kraus.

Come on, it's a perfect
opportunity for one of your
dumb cracks.

You mean like,
who does your hair?
US Steel?

Yeah, like that.

Oh, Kraus, you're
so easily satisfied.

Believe me,
I can do better.

That's all right.

Like first, we had
the punk look, and now
we got the junk look.

Okay.

Or do you dye your hair
or just paint it
with Rust-Oleum?

Okay, okay.

Or, don't look now,
Kraus,

but there's a fleet
of Japanese cars parked
on your head.

Enough already.

Don't stop me now,
I'm on a roll.

Hi, Benson. Daddy's upstairs
trying to find his driver.

He'll be down
in a moment.

Well, he's looking
in the wrong place.

His driver's outside
washing the limo.

Kraus, we use a driver
to drive the ball.

I thought
you hit the ball.

We do.
With the driver.

Okay, but he isn't gonna
like it.

I'm not even
at the golf course
and already I'm teed off.

Hi, Benson.
I'm all set.

Oh, good.
Did you find
your driver?

Isn't he outside,
washing the limo?

See?

Come on,
we're gonna be late.
Oh, is that a new watch?

Yeah. Jennifer brought
it back from Switzerland.

Play the music
for him, Benson.

(STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER
PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Isn't that great?

So it plays The Stars
and Stripes Forever, eh?

No, it just seems
like forever.

Well, we've got to
get going.

Katie, don't forget
your homework.

I won't.
See you later.

Bye.

See you at dinner,
Miss Kraus.

Good afternoon, all.
Ah, a little golf, eh?

And what have we here?
A new bag?

No, she just looks
like that in rollers.

Well, Clayton, what are
you doing here on a Sunday?

Oh, sir, I was concerned
about the labor legislation.

I'm sure you're gonna get
a few questions on it

at the press conference
tomorrow.

I thought I'd review it
and prepare some responses.

You need me for that?

Oh, no, sir.

Why should you
miss this glorious
Sunday afternoon?

Besides,
I work so many Sundays.

What's one more?

Now I feel a little guilty
about Clayton working today.

Yeah, me too.

But I suppose
it'll pass.

Golly, I think
I'm over it already.

Oh, I'm sorry, Benson,
this is the fifth ball
I've hit into the woods.

Seventh.

Probably gonna have
to have a five iron
to get out of here.

You couldn't get out of here
with a machete.

Maybe I should get
one of those orange balls.

Governor.
GOVERNOR: Yeah.

It's night.

Can we call it a day?

Benson,
this is the first time
I've been able to relax

in six weeks.

Just two more holes,
huh?

Okay, two more holes
or midnight,

whichever comes first.

Isn't it beautiful
out here?

So quiet, so serene.

So dark, so deserted.

What time is it?

(STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER
PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

:.

Gee, that is a nifty watch.
Does it play any Glenn Miller?

Governor, do you want
to find your golf ball
or do you want to dance?

One more hole,
but let's find my ball.

I don't know
how we can
with no light.

(WHIRRING)

Thank you.

Benson...

It's a... A spaceship!

Benson!

Benson?

Benson!

Benson.

Benson?

Benson! Benson!

Oh, Benson,
my good friend.

(WHIRRING)

Ah, here's your ball.

Benson, that is
the most incredible thing
I've ever seen!

Looks like any other
golf ball to me.

Are you okay?
Sure.

What did they
do to you?
Who?

Them!
What was it like up there?

Up where?
Up there!

What did they
look like?

What are you
talking about?

The UFO!

Benson, you just took
a ride on a UFO.

Oh, I did?
Yeah!

I took a ride on a UFO?
What UFO?

The... The one that just
hovered over our heads

and beamed you aboard!

Oh, holy mackerel,
it was huge!
It looked...

Looked like
a giant fudgesicle

with twinkling lights.

I never saw
anything like it.

(GRUNTS) Gone!

(LAUGHS)

Are you feeling okay?

Benson, I am serious.

The... The UFO
zapped you aboard...

(GRUNTS) And then...

You were gone.

Gone?
I've been here.

Benson, you've been gone
for at least minutes.

Look at your watch.

I don't want
to bother my watch.

Look at your watch.

I don't have my watch.
Oh.

Where is my watch,
Governor?

They must have taken it
when you were
on board the ship.

Oh, really? Pickpockets
from outer space.

Benson, don't you
remember anything?

I remember
we were playing golf

and not counting this hole,
you owe me $.

Amnesia!

They took your watch
and erased your memory!

So this is your way
of trying to get out
of the bet.

I've got to think.

No, no, no time to think.
Got to take action.

What are we gonna do?
Come on, Benson,
think, think!

Well, if you're not going
to pay me the money
you owe me,

I think you should go home
and get a good night's sleep.

No, no, no, I've got
to notify the press,

call the Pentagon,
the President!

This is big, really big.

Well, it was amazing.

It was the most gigantic
fudgesicle you can imagine.

Uh, sir, I just
spoke with the
Air National Guard.

As you know, the army
is in the area conducting
top-secret tests.

It's possible
that's what you saw.

You're trying to tell me
that the army has
a top-secret fudgesicle?

Sir, Benson was on
the golf course with you.

How is it
he saw nothing?

I told you,
the aliens erased his mind!

How can you tell?

Kraus, not now.

I think they were trying
to communicate with us.
Uh-huh.

I see what you mean.
Have you called
the doctor?

Yes, he said
he'd rush right over
first thing Monday morning.

I'm perfectly
all right!

Well, you do seem
a little warm.

I know what I saw.

The aliens zapped him
aboard and then took off.

Governor, if I were
in a spaceship,

don't you think
I would have remembered?

Well, I believe you,
Governor.
Right.

There's all kinds
of evidence

that creatures
from other planets
have visited the earth.

Some are still here.

Okay, I'm here.

While others
are just arriving.

Pete, I'm sorry to interrupt
your date, but I have
something really big.

What would be your reaction
if I were to tell you

that this evening
I saw a UFO?

(GASPS)
This is good.
What's the punch line?

It looked like
a fudgesicle.

(LAUGHS)

Uh, I don't get it.

Pete, I saw a UFO!

Oh, he's kidding.
You're kidding.

You're not kidding?
You're not kidding.

He's not kidding.
Hey, don't tell anybody.

Wait a minute.
Did you tell anybody?

Good, don't.
He's not kidding.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute
I thought he was kidding.

Did you say that it
looked like a fudgesicle?
Yes.

Hmm, they usually
look like cigars.

What do you know
about them?

I know a cigar can fly
and a fudgesicle can't.

Yes, it can!
I saw it.

I'm gonna talk
to the press.

Uh, sir, I strongly advise you
not to go public with this.

Why?

Well, sir, the public tends
not to trust people
who see flying saucers.

The slightest breath
of this could ruin
your entire political career.

Do you believe me?

Sir, I believe you've been
working very hard lately,

and you're under
a great deal of pressure.

What about you, Benson?
You think I'm loopy, too?

Loopy would be
a little strong.

Confused would be closer.

Pete, you believe me?

What do I look like,
a puff brain?

Denise?

Well, certainly.

Intergalactic travel is
a mathematical possibility.

But I don't think
you could do it
in a fudgesicle.

Especially if you fly
too close to the sun.

Maybe that's why
they came at night.

All right, everybody,

would you please excuse
me and Benson?

DENISE: Of course,
Governor.
I'd appreciate it.

Hurry up, or we'll miss
the beginning of the movie.

Sir, do you want me
to cancel

tomorrow morning's
monthly press conference?

Sir, I think this
is a very good idea.

No! I will be fine.

Fine, fine.
Good night.
Good night, sir.

And, sir, if I were you,
I'd keep that
fudgesicle on ice.

See, what I don't
understand is why they
took Benson on board.

Well, maybe they wanted
a typical human specimen.

Better luck next time.

Don't worry, Kraus,
you'll get your chance.

They're coming back
for plant life.

Benson,
are you sure you don't
remember anything?

Governor, for your sake,
I wish I could say I did.

I've got to have
some proof!

Well, my advice is
why don't you just get
a good night's sleep,

and tomorrow,
things will look brighter.

Yeah, I suppose.

Benson...

You're glowing.

Eh. Not much.

Uh, Governor,
now these are my notes
on the new budget bill.

Also the press
will want to know

about the auto-inspection
fee that's on page four.

Thank you, Benson.

One other thing
before we go.

Now, you're not gonna mention
about the, you know...

No, no, you and Clayton
have made your point.

I'm not gonna go
blabbing to the press

about my close encounter
on the golf course.
Good.

Unless you would care
to back up my story.

Governor, I'm sorry.
I really don't remember
what you want me to remember.

But you glowed
in the dark.

But I don't anymore.

It was probably due
to some phosphorous
in my laundry detergent.

Laundry detergent. You never
glowed in the dark before.

Benson, why don't you
believe me?

Governor, look at it this way.
If I came into your office
one morning

and said that I saw
little green men landing
on the freeway,

would you believe me?

Well, I would try
to believe you because
you're my friend.

Oh, guys,
we got some bad news.

The fudgesicle's
hit the fan.

The press knows about
the Governor's sighting.
What?

Somebody must have
leaked it.

Governor, did you tell
anybody else
about the landing?

Of course not.
Just Harold, my barber.

Oh!

Maybe you better cancel
the press conference.

No, no, no,
the only thing to do
is go in there and face them.

Tell my story.

I've always been honest
with the media.

They're gonna
eat him alive.

Governor Gatling will be
joining us momentarily.

I'll ask you to keep
your questions brief
and to-the-point.

You're allowed
one follow-up...
Ah, here is he now.

ALL: Governor!

All right, ladies
and gentlemen,
I'll get to all of you.

Uh, take your seats, please.
Take your seats.

(IN SINGSONG VOICE)
Governor, take my advice.

Keep smiling
and deny everything.

Governor. Governor.
Governor.
Yes.

Governor, there's been
a rumor making its way
around the capital

that you were involved
in a UFO sighting.

That is correct.

(SIGHS)
Why can't he lie?

REPORTER: Governor. Governor.

Next question, Paul.

Wait a minute, Governor,
about the UFO...
Exactly where was it?

What did it look like?

Oh, please don't say it.

Like a fudgesicle about
the size of a school bus.

He never listens to me.

I was kind of hoping we'd all
be going to Washington
with the Governor.

Yeah, me too.

I guess we can kiss
our aspirations goodbye.

Let me see if I have this,
Governor.

You claim that you saw
a fudgesicle
as big as a school bus

flying over
the golf course,
correct?

Well, now, Susan, it wasn't
actually a fudgesicle.

It was a spaceship
piloted by some form
of intelligent life.

Oh, there were little
green men in this fudgesicle.

Wait a minute,
I never said anything
about little green men.

Governor,
what color were they?

I don't know, Paul.
They stayed inside
the fudgesicle.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Yes, I know,
this is a little difficult
to believe.

No, not at all,
Governor.

Two weeks ago,
my son saw the tooth fairy.

(ALL LAUGH)

(LAUGHS)

Well, now, we have
all had quite a good
laugh over this

and wasted a lot of time,
so let's move on
to another subject.

Now, as you know,
we have prepared the budget
for the new fiscal year.

Yes, and I'd be happy
to field any questions
you have about the new budget.

Wait a minute, DuBois,
we want to get to the bottom
of the flying fudgesicle.

Well, Susan,
forget about the flying
fudgesicle for a moment.

Now how do you
expect us to take the
Governor seriously after this?

That's not fair.
Governor Gatling is known
throughout the state

for his honesty
and integrity.

Do you expect us
to believe him?

Well, I expect you
to consider his record

and give him
the benefit of the doubt.

Do you believe him?

Governor Gatling has
my complete trust.

So you're saying
that you believe
in the flying fudgesicle.

Yes.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

This entire administration
is going to be laughed
out of office.

Not me. I didn't have
anything to do with this.

Governor. had you
and Mr. Dubois been
drinking at the clubhouse?

They're back!
(ALL LAUGH)

Well, buddy,

this isn't going
very well, is it?

I believe those were
Custer's exact words.
(CAMERA CLICKING)

Good morning.
Oh.

Oh, don't worry about it.
I've seen them already.

The best darn recipes
in this paper.

Kraus, I've already
seen the papers.

Did you see the cartoon
in The Courier?

No. What'd they say?

It shows you
und the Governor riding
a fudgesicle sidesaddle.

I beg your pardon?

Sidesaddle. Here it is.

Hmm.

Boy, they're really
having a field day
at our expense.

Oh, there's even talk
that the Governor
might have to resign.

Nah. This will
blow over.

Blow over?

Do you know
there is one editorial

that claims the Governor
is going after the E.T. vote?

I'd hate to run into
that ugly little thing.

I heard you were
the reason
he went home.

I'm sorry, sir,
but I just do not believe

that this thing
is going to blow over.

Someone has to be
sacrificed.

Now I think the only thing
to be done is you have
to issue a statement

saying that
Benson came to you

with this
preposterous story,
and, uh...

Do go on.
Uh...

No one's going
to resign, Clayton.

We've just got
to sit this one out.
So far, it's not so bad.

Not so bad?
Every paper in the state
is playing up this story.

They're treating it
like a joke. They're
treating you like a joke.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Here's a nice mention
in the West River Gazette.

They're inviting the Governor
to participate
in their annual

liars contest.

I'll be in my office.

Hey, I just got off
the phone with Research.

According to our
telephone polls,

the Governor is
in better shape than expected.

The numbers, Peter.
Tell us the numbers.

% admire the Governor
for speaking out.

All right, let's hear it
for the people!

That is terrific!

This UFO business has
helped you, Governor.
You think so?

Sure. Only % of the people
admired you before.
(GOVERNOR LAUGHS)

I think you brought all the
"Don't knows" into our column.

(LAUGHING)
Imagine that!

% of the people
believe me!

No, no, no, no, no.
% admire you.

% believe you.

Well, that means %
of the people think
I'm a cuckoo bird.

But they admire you
for it.

This is true.
This is true.

Now these numbers get us
off the hook.

But they don't
believe me.

Who cares, as long as
they admire you?

Yeah, Clayton's right.
We've come out of this thing
smelling like a rose.

Only % believe me.
Would you call that
smelling like a rose?

Mmm, more like fertilizer.

Hi, Benson. Hi, Daddy.
GOVERNOR: Hi, honey.

Daddy,
I've been thinking.

Maybe what you saw was
one of those Japanese kites.

Yeah, I suppose.

And that noise you heard
was probably just a golf cart.

Yeah, probably.

Well, see you later.
I've got early
band rehearsal.

Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.

Your own daughter
doesn't believe you, either.
GOVERNOR: Oh.

Her science teacher told her
it was highly unlikely,

and he gave her some book
by Carl Sagan.

If you don't mind
my saying so, Governor,

I think you're letting
this whole thing get to you.

Benson, tell me the truth.

Do you believe
in the flying fudgesicle?

Well...

No.

I didn't think so.

But I believe in you,

and if you say you saw it,
that's good enough for me.

Benson, you want to go
with me out to the
golf course tonight?

Weren't you out there
last night?

Mmm-hmm.
I want to see them again.
You want to go with me?

Well, uh, as much
as I would like to,

I've got a date
with Jennifer.
Bring her along.

Well, sir...
(CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry to say
she's one of the %.

Boy, I sure hope
they come back tonight.

Do you think
it's a good idea to keep
going out there?

I have to, Benson.

Why?

They don't know
where I live.

Hmm? Oh.
It's just me.

(SIGHS)
I thought you had a date.

I did, but Jennifer
had to work.

Mmm.

Have you seen anything?

Just a lot
of sh**ting stars.

Isn't that
the Big Dipper?
Mmm.

It's so big.

That's probably why
they call it the Big Dipper.

No, I mean, all of it.

Space...

The final frontier.

Catchy.

You really want to see
this thing, don't you?

Oh, yeah.
I mean, let's face it.

The way things
are today, we can use all
the outside help we can get.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

How long you been
out here?
(SIGHS) Couple hours.

Maybe it's not
coming back tonight.

No, I guess not.

(WHIRRING)

(GASPS)

It's them!

Gee, it does look
like a fudgesicle.

(STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER
PLAYING)

Well?

That was something,
you know?

That was
really something.

They communicated
with us through music.
What do you think that means?

I guess they
don't know the lyrics.

That was
The Stars And Stripes Forever.
I knew it!

They do have
your watch.

Not anymore.
It's back on my wrist.

Well, maybe
that's why they came back.

Maybe.

(SIGHS)

I wish
they would have stayed.

We still don't know
anything about them.

We know one thing.
What?

They're honest.

But, what do they
talk about? I mean...

Where do their kids
go to school?

Are they tall, skinny,
fat, blue?

Maybe we'll never know.

They must want to know
something about us.
Why didn't they land?

They're probably shy.

Well... (CLICKS TONGUE)

I guess there's no reason
to stay here, huh?

Yeah.

We saw what
we came to see.

Might as well
go on home, huh?

Yeah.

Might as well.

Hey, good morning, Kraus.

Benson, how would you like
to go to the moon?

Kraus, all I said
was "Good morning"
for goodness sakes.

Oh, I'm talking
about this article.

People are signing up
for trips on
the space shuttle.

Yeah?
Isn't it amazing
the progress we've made?

You're going
to see the moon?

Well, not right away.

The trip starts off
in Houston

goes around in space
for three days
und then lands in California.

You call that progress?

Make the same trip
by bus
in a day-and-a-half.

Don't you really want
to go to the moon?

Well, what on earth
would I do on the moon?

They don't have
a decent hotel nor
a decent restaurant,

say, they don't even
have cable TV.

Yeah, but Benson,
you are out in space

you might run into
some strange creature.

I can get that
just coming
into the kitchen.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)